


The Walking Dead Remix

by The_Rarities



Category: The Walking Dead (Comics), The Walking Dead (TV)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-04
Updated: 2021-02-27
Packaged: 2021-03-06 21:00:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 25
Words: 280,988
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26285344
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Rarities/pseuds/The_Rarities
Summary: A reimagining of The Walking Dead comics and TV show. Police Officer Rick Grimes awakens from a coma to the zombie apocalypse, and sets off to Atlanta in order to find his wife and son. He begins a journey much like the show and the comics, overtime small and major changes will take the story in a different way than depicted on page and screen.
Relationships: Glenn Rhee/Maggie Greene, Rick Grimes/Lori Grimes
Comments: 122
Kudos: 25





	1. Day60-61

**Author's Note:**

> This is more of a vanity project for me. I loved The Walking Dead and I still enjoy it today, but ever since season five I've felt a lot of potential got squandered due to some story decisions I didn't necessary agree with. I don't have the balls to say I'm a better writer than the ones on the show after starting this story (plus some original short stories) and struggling in putting the words down, it takes a real talent to pull it off like the greats. But I hope in writing this project I will be able to get better with practice.
> 
> The endgame for these books will be the group's arrival at Alexandria, I have planned a lot for everything up until the Terminus arc. When I arrive there, I will have a fair sense of whether I want to continue with the story or not to No Way Out, Negan, the Whisperers and the Commonwealth. If I have the heart to keep going, I will. If not, I have an ending in mind.
> 
> So thank you for taking the time to read this. If you hate it or love it, I will appreciate any feedback and just be chuffed you bothered giving this story a chance anyway. Like I said, it's a vanity project for me and I'm using it as a means of bettering my own writing.

**Day 60**

Getting up from the bed was perhaps the most difficult thing he had to do.

He felt the sheets stick to his back as he _pushed_ , hands gripped tightly around the railings. His grunts filled the silence of the room, which had the backdrop of an eerie quiet when he had first awoken.

He was now sitting up, panting and out of breath. 

_Not as bad as I thought it would have been_.

He examined his surroundings. There was a chair to his right and a table to the left. The table had a vase of flowers, white lilies that were long dead. Their petals had fallen on top of the table and collecting dust that was forming.

There was also a clock in the room. The time had stood still at twenty minutes past one. He could feel dread coiling inside his stomach like a snake.

_Something is not right here. I need to get help._

‘Nurse,’ he called out and he did not recognise his voice _at_ all. It was more like a croak. His throat burned for water then, and he realised he was thirsty. He did not bother calling out again as he got to the difficult task of getting out of the bed and standing on his own two feet.

Unlike sitting up, this was indeed a difficult challenge for him. Every muscle screamed in agony as he tried to slide from the bed. He had to support himself on the railing as his feet touched the cold floor. It had felt like his entire insides had turned to jelly when he had done so.

But he waited a moment, two. In truth he had no idea how long he waited for, but he got up at the end. And almost instantly fell.

He was glad nobody could see him squirm and crawl to one of the doors in the room. He hoped it was the bathroom and not the hall. He did not want to make an embarrassment of himself in front of the nurses and doctors when they saw this obviously demented man crawl out into the hallway begging for help.

He needed his composure first. Besides, what would Lori make of him making such a scene.

 _Grounds enough for divorce, my husband is obviously mentally unstable_ he thought and barked out a harsh laugh. The fact he did not recognise his laugh made him more uncomfortable than he could say. _How long was I out_?

Grapping at the door handle, he forced himself up and braced against the white wood. Closed his eyes and took a minute to take in the achievement that he was standing on his own two feet. _See, getting better already._

He opened the handle and saw that it was indeed the bathroom. Sighing with pleasure, he saw the sink and he approached the taps and turned it on. Instantly the water came out and he drank like a thirsty man in the desert, and really what else could he compare himself to? From the moment he had awoken it had felt like he had not had a good drink of anything of substance in _months_. 

That thought in mind brought out a pang of hunger. He looked up at the mirror and the good job of being able to stand up on two feet was almost brought crashing down due to his shock.

Rick Grimes was a man who prided himself in shaving smooth and presenting to the world a man who ironed his shirts and pressed down wrinkles. The man before him was haggard looking, in a hospital gown (which he expected) but the beard on his face aged him like no tomorrow. 

_Don’t the staff keep you shaven when you are in here?_

It was just one of many little details that pecking away at Rick and added together it did not boost hope for him. The dead flowers, the stopped clock, dust gathering, no nurses or doctors to tend to him and now this full overgrown beard.

His hunger forgotten, Rick left the bathroom and approached the door to the hallway wearily. He did not know what to expect, but he had a feeling that the moment he stepped through this door he would have his questions answered in some way. Even if he did not like the answers.

 _Get a grip, Grimes_. A voice suspiciously like his all-time friend and brother in all but blood spoke up in his head. _Get out there and see what’s going on. Afraid of hospitals? What are you, like ten?_

‘Shut it Shane,’ Rick spoke aloud as he gripped the handle of the door. He questioned if he was losing his sanity, listening to voices in his head and speaking to nobody in a room where time seemed to stand still.

He opened the door.

There was a hospital bed in front of the door, blocking the passage so he had to push it softly to step out into the hall. There was a soft buzz sound, almost like a humming. Rick recognised it must have been due to the lights, which were flickering on and off. Bullet holes decorated the walls. Stacks of paper were left here, there and everywhere. 

No nurse or doctor to attend him. There was no sign of presence anywhere. The entire hospital floor also seemed abandoned by the test of time like his own room had been.

Was he going crazy after all?

Shaking his head, Rick found himself limping down the floor. The light blinded his eyes, so he squinted and tried to make sense of his surroundings. He saw a double door and went towards it, before hesitating and peeked through the top windows the door had the luxury of having.

There was a body. Female, judging by the long hair. That was the only thing he could judge because the bones that made up her torso were out in display. Her legs had been removed, and there was a small hole in her forehead that most likely had been from a bullet. Her eyes closed; her face seemed like she could have been at peace if it was not for the horrible mutilation she had experienced.

Rick felt sick building up in his throat. _I’m dreaming, I have to be. I’m in a coma, people in comas dream, I think. Wake up, Grimes. Wake up_.

He stood there, watching the flickering light illuminate this discarded corpse before coming back to his senses. He felt the whole world spinning as he bent down to be sick, but it was a dry heave. He had nothing to eat. It was a wonder he was even alive; never mind the fact he was still standing.

 _This is why it has to be a dream_ , he was telling himself now as he marched to the other side of the hall, passed the room that he had been in and heading towards the other set of double doors. _Nobody in comas can just get up and about as if they have took a nap. Come on Rick, wake the fuck up._

Passing through the doors, he saw a display map that told him left was stairs, right was the cafeteria. He went to go to the left, but a _thump_ caused him to turn his head to the right.

‘Hello,’ he called out. He felt foolish almost instantly, and ashamed that he had been an officer of the law for making every silly mistake those dumb characters in horror films made that he and Shane had great time mocking them for. Whatever had happened to that woman, her killers could still be here. They could have made that _thump_.

But all he saw was the doors to the cafeteria. They were boarded up with a wooden plank, and spray painted in red that looked like blood. **Don’t Open // Dead Inside** was its message, and Rick felt his blood run cold at the very sight of it.

Despite himself, he walked forward. Almost as if in a trance, he could not make himself stop until he heard another _thump_. And he realised there was somebody behind the door because it pushed slightly. Being this close to the door now made Rick realise there was a tiny padlock, barring the door from entry. The wooden plank seemed overkill now because it was obvious somebody had wanted those doors shut and secure.

The door pushed again, and Rick saw a hand in the small gap which was the furthest the door could be made to open. It was almost skeletal, the skin peeling off and the nails were overgrown. He heard soft moaning which aligned with the humming of the flickering lights in the other hall. 

He could not help but gasp, and the moaning increased. Whoever was in the room, however many of them were in the room were all pounding at the door now, their moans getting louder and louder as they pushed against the only thing standing between them and him.

_I have to get out of here now!_

He needed no encouragement. He turned around and hobbled to the door where the sign told him was the stairwell. The people in the room continued to slam their hands at the door, creating a racket and making his head pound. It was all too much, he felt. In the hospital where time stood still and bodies were left mutilated and discarded like trash, he had been at the centre of his own private horror show and he needed to get out of here.

So, he opened the door and went into the darkness. He hesitated only slightly before shutting the door, killing off any light he could have had. 

_Remember, Grimes_. It was Shane’s voice again, a light guiding him through this hell that he was trapped in. _Remember it’s all just a dream. No such thing as monsters, man. You are in a coma. You got shot by the bank robbers, remember? Said there were three but there was a fourth man, son of a bitch got the jump on you. But it’s alright, cause you are in a dream._

The voice did him no favours, if anything he could hear himself panicking as he tried to breathe for air. _I think I’m having a panic attack_.

The moment passed however, and he was still standing in darkness on top of the staircase. He could not make out anything at all, only his now slight breathing gave any indicator that somebody was even alive in this section of the hospital.

_They could be there with me. Those things in that room._

Rick closed his eyes, although it made no difference in regard to the lightening of the room. He knew he had to make the next move and fast, otherwise he would be stuck here frozen as the clock in his hospital room. 

He took one step forward. Then another, and another. He reached with his arms and felt the railings, and his fingers tightened around them. And just like that he had his support to guide him down the stairs.

Every step down was nerve wracking. He kept waiting for somebody or _something_ to jump out at him, but nothing did. He continued his journey down the hell path he was in, hoping that it would not be long now before he was on the ground floor.

Eventually, that moment arrived when the railing was no more and there were no more steps to go down. Rick breathed a sigh of relief, but now it was time to get out of the darkness. He felt the hairs stand at the back of his neck.

 _Somebody is watching me_. He dared not look up, even if in doing so he would not have been able to tell if somebody was watching him watching them. So instead he faced forwards and stepped forward, hands in the air and hoping for something solid to place them on. 

He got to the door, his exit away from this hospital of time standing still. He pulled the handle and opened, and a blinding light greeted him.

It was shocking, how bright the light was. He squinted his eyes and stepped forward, letting the door shut behind him and shooing away the darkness forever. He used his hands to cover his face from the glare of the sun as he stepped forward. Then he stopped in stunned disbelief at the sight before him.

Bodies. Bodies upon bodies were laid out on the ground, covered in white sheets. Only their feet were visible. They must have been at least a hundred of them, maybe more.

 _Am I in hell_? 

‘No such thing,’ he muttered as he kept on walking, going past the bodies in a daze. So many bodies that they followed him everywhere. He noted the hundreds of black spots on the faded white sheets, only to realise they were flies. He would have thrown up by the stench alone, yet he had already dry heaved not even an hour ago.

His path would have ended at a gated fence, if the fence hadn’t been torn down and laid abandoned like the bodies behind him. Rick found himself stumbling upon a grassy hill, his feet covered in muck and grass as he made his escape from the hospital. He had to place one hand on the ground to help himself up after nearly falling.

An abandoned helicopter sat. He could only gaze at it in disbelief as it towered above him, its blades hadn’t been use for a while if he were to hazard a guess. The helicopter was in a makeshift camp filled with tents and military equipment. **FEMA** were the words that popped up at the side of trucks and written down in boards detailing regular meal schedules.

Rick stood there, at lost with himself. He had no idea where to go next.

_Lori, Carl. You need to get them Grimes. Don’t go bailing on them._

Shane’s voice almost threw him out on a loop. He had been distracted there, who knew how long time had passed as he stood there taking in the FEMA campsite. But the mention of his wife and son caught his attention, and he cursed a ‘fuck’ as the implications set in.

Something had gone down in the hospital. That much was clear with the bullet holes and the corpse in the hallway. There was also the door barred with _something_ inside, and a pile of bodies laid out nice and neat outside the building as if they weren’t human beings left to rot out in the Georgian heat. 

And Lori and Carl were back at home, not far from here. They could be in danger too, or worse.

Rick took off. He did not have to think about it, he just did it as he fought to keep the rising panic from bubbling up. _Lori, Carl. I’m so sorry, I didn’t even think of you. Fuck, I need to get home and make sure they’re okay. They have to be._

Similar thoughts kept playing through his mind. He had visions of his wife and son then. Lori with her pretty smile that became less and less frequent with him as the years went by. Carl who was only seven, who had showed real promise with his work and kicking football with his friends.

All of it intertwined with the corpse on the floor. _That damn corpse_.

He was walking by a park now, hardly paying attention to his surroundings now. But as he passed the sign that said, **Melrose Tribute** , he knew he was still a bit away yet. There was still no sign of anybody, it was as if the whole world had just up and vanished when he had fallen into his coma and did not wait for him to wake up.

‘Has to be a dream, has to be,’ was what he was muttering until he came across an abandoned bicycle. He almost missed it due to the overgrown grass, but it laid there waiting for a new owner. He looked at it almost curiously. Of all the things he had seen today, an abandoned bicycle was probably the most normal thing he had encountered.

He went to pick it up, save time on his journey and get to his wife and son quicker when he heard it. A soft hiss. Rick looked at the direction of where the sound was coming from and he yelped and fell on his arse, bicycle going down with him.

There was a corpse, or it should have been a corpse. Like the one in the hospital, its legs were missing. But what he was seeing made him doubt his own sanity.

The corpse was _moving._ Its arms reached out to him, and her mouth opened, and it seemed to pull it along just using it hands. It couldn’t move from its spot, however. The hissing was coming from her, air hissing out of her mouth which was opening and shutting. Opening and shutting. _This should not be happening_.

He felt an urge to cry then. The world seemed to spin around him as the corpse continued to slowly but surely move. It had ratty hair, yet there was nothing to distinguish to Rick if it had been male or female.

 _I’m a cop. It’s my job to identify a body._ Rick felt like giggling as he took this thought on. _I’m losing it. Or have I already lost in? Am I in the madhouse right now!_

He laughed now, and the noise shocked him into silence and the hissing took on the spotlight once again. The corpse was reaching for him now, so Rick got up on his bicycle and took off. He did not look back at Melrose Tribute.

He passed abandoned cars and houses. No signs of life whatsoever, unless the overgrown grass in the gardens were also sheltering the corpses. He could still see the corpse, its jaws snapping open and shut as it reached out to him. He shuddered. Some houses had shattered windows, others had boards nailed in front of the windows and doors. A couple even had doors completely open, left for anybody or anything to wander in as they pleased.

Turning around the corner, he saw his house. The grass here was also overgrown, but the windows were intact, and his door was shut. Rick did not even ride to the house, he practically jumped from the bike and ran forward to his house. 

He ran like a man possessed. He had no idea how he was able to run at all, but there were only two things in his mind. His wife and son.

Pushing open the door, he shouted. ‘Lori!’ He wandered the hallway. He passed china ornaments gathering dust on tables and entered the living room. ‘Carl?!’ 

He heard the sheer panic in his voice, and it drove him around the twist as he went from room to room, searching for his family. The lounge, the hall, the bedrooms, bathroom and kitchen were all unoccupied. His house was exactly like the hospital and all those other houses he had passed by, just exactly like Melrose Tribute.

Left behind as time went on.

And it is with that realisation he found himself falling in shock, crying softly then weeping loudly as the situation sunk into him. His wife and son were gone.

_I’m so sorry Lori, so sorry for everything I put you through. And Carl, my boy. I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you, I’m sorry._

Rick cried until he had no more tears to cry. He sat up from his position and looked around the hall. It was then he noticed that all the portraits and pictures were gone. Usually in this hallway there had been plenty of photos, from his wedding day to Carl’s first steps and his first day at school. Of other family relatives.

It was with this realisation that got him up from the floor, although when he first tried he felt like he was back in the bed all over again. _Got to get up, man_. It was not Shane’s voice guiding him this time like it had been their whole life, starting when they had first met and pulled off a prank of epic proportions against Rick’s bully. 

It was his own.

With his thought urging him on, Rick pushed himself from the floor and got out of the house. He figured he looked a mess, with his hospital robe softly blowing in the light breeze. It wasn’t often they got a breeze like that in Georgia.

Feeling faint, he sat back down again. This time he pressed a hand to his head as he looked at his knees. _Fuck, Rick, think things through. Where would they go? Would Lori have went to her parents?_

Then again, Rick thought back to everything that had just happened. This journey had took him here, and it was only him so far. Nothing indicated anybody else was even living. 

‘It can’t be real,’ he muttered. He was looking at his hands now, as if to verify the fact that, ‘it’s just a dream. It can’t be real.’ He kept on doing this, until he saw something from the corner of his eye.

It was a man down the street. He was walking, and Rick could see he was wearing a suit with a flower pinned on his left breast. Perhaps somebody coming from a wedding. Rick could not believe what he was seeing, and he squinted to get a better look.

He heard a creak behind him, and turned around just in time to get a whack to the head with a shovel. And his world turned to darkness once again. 

**Night 60**

Rick awoke with a start. He heard a slight gasp, and he saw a flash of silver before he realised there was a knife at his throat.

‘Were you bitten?’ The man with the knife asked. He looked at Rick, and Rick could see that he was afraid but trying to put a brave face on. For they weren’t the only pair in the room. A younger boy hid behind a chair, Rick figured it was the man’s son.

‘I’m sorry, what? What do you mean?’ Rick went to move but realised he was bound to the bed he was lying in. He had started the day bound by his coma and ended it bound by rope. Life had a funny way of kicking him in the balls. 

‘Don’t try anything, mister,’ the man went on. ‘I’m only going to say this once before I put this knife through your eye. Don’t think I won’t do it cause I will, it’s the only way to protect my son. Were you bitten?’ 

Rick looked into the man’s eyes, and without hesitating he replied, ‘No.’

The man studied him, both looking at one another and wondering what the other was thinking. He must have trusted Rick’s word, because he lowered the knife.

‘I’ll get you out of these ropes. Duane, you go set up dinner,’ the man went to cutting the ropes with the sharp knife while the boy, Duane, ran into the other room to do his orders. ‘Sorry about that, you can’t be too careful these days,’ the man was saying as he cut the ropes.

Rick went to feel his arms and saw they were slightly burned, probably by the tension of the rope. It was only then with the immediate danger gone that he felt his head absolutely pounding, and he rubbed tenderly at it.

The man saw this and chuckled slightly. ‘Yeah, sorry about that. My son thought you were one of _them_. You know? Had to give him a row, in any other case though there would have been nothing wrong with it. Had to shoot the other walker in the street because of it, just to get you off the street there and then.’

Rick was nodding his head, taking all of this in until what he said registered with him. ‘Wait, you shot someone!?’ _How can my day get any worse? And he’s just telling me this all calm, as if he hasn’t murdered somebody and kidnapped me from the street._

The man looked at him, his eyes narrowed. ‘Of course. Or would you rather I just left you out there on the street?’

Rick sighed and rubbed his eyes. ‘Look, I’m thankful for you helping me out. Really pal, I was in a bind. But you shot that man? How can you justify that?’

‘Where you been?’ The man’s voice was sharp like a whip. _Careful, Rick_. Rick saw that he still held onto the knife. ‘I had to do that to save you. I’m starting to think I shouldn’t have bothered.’

Rick found himself rubbing his eyes. He had no intention of revealing that the man with a knife and a son called Duane was threatening an officer of the law, not until he had the situation under control in the first place. Who knows what would happen otherwise?

It was with that in mind he found himself telling other truths. ‘Listen man. I’m sorry but I’ve just woke up today. My wife and son are gone, I was in that house looking for them.’

‘The house next door?’ The man asked. ‘Yeah, or at least I guess so. You squatting in my neighbour’s house?’

‘Are they around?’ The man snorted. ‘Anyway, what do you mean you just woke up?’

‘I was in a coma,’ Rick answered. ‘I got shot and I fell into a coma. I guess I missed whatever ended up happening here, but I am not going to lie to you man. I am shit scared of what I have seen so far, and the thought of my wife and son out there in all that is driving me crazy. I need to know what is going on.’

‘Shit,’ the man muttered. He quickly turned around, to make sure his son didn’t hear, Rick assumed. He and Lori often did the same with Carl whenever they swore. 

‘That explains it. I am sorry I’ve treated you so horribly. I swear, I used to be a lot more charitable back before all this mess started. If not humble,’ the man cracked a grin.

And for the first time since he awoke from the coma, Rick felt a sense of ease settle within him. Despite the knowledge that this man had shot and killed somebody out on the street, he felt like he had been drowning in the ocean and this man was a lifeboat, preventing him from drowning.

‘Before I explain anything, my name’s Morgan. Sorry for being rude, but it’s just been me and Duane and I am not taking no chances with my son, you know.’

‘I feel you. My name’s Rick. Are you wanting to talk to me in here? I have a feeling this story isn’t fit for children.’ 

Morgan nodded. He put the knife on the table beside him. As Rick looked around his surroundings, he saw that the bedroom window had been boarded up with planks. But unlike his photographs in his own house, this house had their photographs up. The one he saw first was of an older couple, in their sixties and enjoying a trip to the pyramids of Giza.

 _Fred and Cindy Drake. I hope they are out there too, somewhere safe. Away from all this_.

‘Yeah, I appreciate that but,’ the man sighed as he looked at the other room. Rick heard clinking, presumably Duane putting down cutlery for their dinner. ‘With everything that boy has been through, he feels grown already. Somethings a kid should never go through, but he’s been through it man, I still do my best to shield it from him.’

Rick nodded, understanding fatherly duties to keep their child from anything that would hurt or scar them. He could see Carl then, as clear as day running up and down the stairs, doing his homework and kissing his mother goodbye as he set off for school.

 _I’m going to find you son. No matter what, I will find you_.

He intended to follow through that promise.

Morgan laughed. There was a sense of bitterness to it. ‘You nod as if you understand, and I think you do. To an extent. What we’ve been through was hell on earth.’

‘Can you just tell me what is going on?’ Rick asked. He was starting to get impatient, not necessarily at Morgan. But he saw Carl one moment and now he was seeing the corpses and the skeletal hand coming from the door. 

Don’t Open, Dead Inside. Only whoever’s hand that had been had not been dead, right?

‘Right, I’m sorry for rambling.’ Morgan sat down in the chair. ‘I’ll start from the beginning, I guess. There was some sort of virus, they were going on about it in the news. I never paid much attention to it; I was too busy being stressed fulfilling my contract for my rich asshole clients. Architecture never get into it Rick. 

But the news was there. And then there were shootings, riots. It all got lost in the usual panic. But this virus, if you got it, you died. It burned right through you and you can hardly stand. Then, you died.’

Morgan closed his eyes shut. Rick looked at him unexpectedly, unwilling to say anything. He felt like a stranger intruding on a private moment.

Morgan looked up at him then. ‘Then you got up. And you would be, one of _them_.’

Rick stared. He wanted to laugh, wanted to chuckle and throw this ridiculous situation out of the window. _Yeah sure Morgan, rise up from the dead like we are Jesus Christ himself. Good one mate_.

But _them_. He knew what Morgan was referring to. The half corpse in Melrose Tribute, snapping its jaws at him as it tried to reach out to him. The hand with the overgrown nails, the noises coming from the barred cafeteria.

It all fit in. Rick realised he was going to take Morgan by his word, talking nonsense that would have seen them both thrown into the mad house if the world was normal.

But it had not been normal, not for a long while.

‘When did this happen?’ Rick asked quietly.

Morgan brushed at his eye. ‘Huh, I guess about two, three months ago? Honestly, I’ve lost track of time. Ever since my wife got it.’ The room grew silent.

Rick felt a pit in his stomach. ‘I’m so sorry, Morgan. I had no idea.’

Morgan shook his head. ‘You couldn’t know, don’t be silly. But this virus, it didn’t just take my wife away from me. It took the whole united states of America with it. Impossible to imagine, right? We survived everything. The nuclear arms race, Vietnam, 9/11. We always pulled through. But this goddam virus.’ He chuckled another bitter laugh.

‘Anyway, everybody flocked to the cities, I guess. My wife, she got bitten by one of your neighbours down the street. That is how it spreads, you see? Bites by one of _them_. Sounds like some vampire rubbish, but that is how it is. She wasted away. I tried to get Duane to Atlanta like I promised her, I really did. But it was always something that kept pushing us back here, it’s like this place doesn’t want me to leave.

And now here we are,’ Morgan said. ‘I guess you’re grateful we were, right? Me and my boy saved you out there, I hope you know that. That man I shot would have bitten you and turned you into one of _them_. I couldn’t allow that, but I had to be careful with you. With the bite and all.’

‘I understand, Morgan. I do,’ Rick said. ‘You say people flocked to the cities, like Atlanta I’m guessing?’

‘Yup,’ Morgan said. ‘Last I heard, the CDC was trying to make a cure. You got any people you going to be looking for?’

Rick nodded. ‘Yeah. My wife and son. I went straight next door, my house you see? I figured they would be there, but I guess it was a long shot.’

‘Right. Well, your best shot is probably Atlanta. The CDC was halfway to finding a cure last time the news was on. I hope they have already got it and are handing out vaccines, and they’ll be here for us just shortly. I have to hope that. For Duane’s sake more than anything.’

Rick agreed. A silence followed, but it was not awkward or uncomfortable in the slightest. Just two men taking in the reality of their situation.

‘We better get through there, Duane will be wondering what’s going on,’ Morgan said, and he got up from his chair. Rick followed him through and into the living room. The curtains were drawn shut and electric lanterns were lit instead of lights. A table was seated in the middle of the room with four chairs, Duane sitting in one of them.

‘Duane, son. This man here is called Rick. What do you say to him?’

Duane had currently been eating fruit from a tin, and he turned around. His eyes were wide, and he had a blush in his cheeks. ‘I’m sorry, mister. For hitting you with the shovel and all.’

Rick found himself smiling. ‘Don’t be silly, Duane. You were just looking out for your old man. I would have done the same thing if I was in your shoes.’

‘Really?’ Duane asked. Rick repeated the word, and satisfied Duane went back to his meal.

‘You say your prayers Duane?’ Morgan asked as he and Rick sat down at the table. Duane shook his head, and Morgan challenged him with a stare. ‘You pray?’ Morgan asked Rick as Duane quickly pressed his hands together and bowed his head in a prayer.

‘I haven’t in a long time,’ Rick answered honestly. He wasn’t religious at all, in fact. But he could see that religion was a big part of Morgan and Duane’s life, and he didn’t wish to offend them with his views on god. ‘But I will tonight, I think.’

And so it was that the three sat in prayer. Rick heard muttering from the other two but he sat in silence, thoughts circling on Lori and Carl. _Are you safe? You would go to your parents, Lori. In Atlanta, you would if they said it was safe. I’m thinking I’m going to need to go to the station, pick up some guns and get the car and I’ll come and get you. Richard can’t get too mad about me using the car out of duty, not in these circumstances._

And so, the prayer was over, and Rick tucked in to his tin fruit. It would have barely been passable at the best of times, but to Rick it was divine. He guessed it was the effects of the coma thinking for his stomach.

‘So Rick, my boy and I, we’re both wondering what would is it you got?’ Morgan asked. ‘If it’s not a bite wound, what is it?’

‘Gun shot,’ Rick said. ‘No way,’ Duane said. Rick chuckled. ‘Yup, gun shot is what I got.’

‘You robbing banks or something?’ Morgan asked.

‘No man. I was an officer, sheriff’s deputy actually. Me and my partner, Shane, we were in a shootout with three men on the run. Or so we thought. There was a fourth man in the coma. Last thing I remember is that as- jerk getting out of the car and shooting me. Then time just slipped by I guess, and here I am now.’

‘That is so cool,’ Duane said. Rick smiled and said gently, ‘not really Duane. But thank you.’ Morgan chuckled.

Suddenly an alarm went off. Rick instinctively jumped in his seat, and Duane bolted from the table and went to turn the lantern off. The alarm continued to wail, and Morgan approached the window. Rick decided to follow him as Morgan opened the curtains to peak out like a nosy neighbour. The window was barred with wooden planks.

‘There’s a lot of them,’ Morgan muttered. Rick could see he was right. About twenty or thirty _people_ , shambling in an endless circle or so it seemed. He could see the car that was going off, the lights blinking on and off. ‘I just hope they go away and don’t come over here. One of them must have bumped the car.’

In the darkness, Rick thought it peculiar how _normal_ they looked, at least from here in the house. They were all dressed in their clothes, and were walking about with all limbs attached. But after a couple of moments, Rick noticed that they were also slightly off. The way they walked, for one. They were more shambling than anything else. Some of their heads were lowered too, not watching where they were going.

It was strange.

Rick heard Duane catch a breath. He had not heard the boy sneak up to his left, but he was looking through the window too. ‘It’s her,’ and with that he ran off to the other room. Morgan let go off the curtain and chased after him. Rick looked one last time, just to see what Duane was on about.

There was a woman in white. The rest were in everyday clothes, but this woman was just in a dressing gowns and slippers that were barely on her feet. She had ratty hair and she was clawing at the car door. She was the only person that stood out to Rick. 

Duane had thrown himself onto the bed Rick had been on and started to cry. Morgan went over and hushed him as Rick went into the room. ‘It’s okay, son. It’s okay. Just cry into the pillow and try to be quiet, remember what I told you. Hush now son, it’s going to be okay.’

Rick felt like an intruder and did not feel comfortable asking in what was going on. Morgan saved him by explaining. ‘My wife, Jenny. She was the one in the robe.’

Rick nodded, understanding. ‘I’m sorry, Morgan.’ He felt a deep shadow set over him. _So it’s real then?_

_It’s real._

‘I forgot to tell you. The only way to put them down is by hurting the head somehow,’ Morgan was saying now as he patted Duane’s back. ‘Gunshot, knife wound. Anything really. So long as it’s the head though. Anything else, it’s not going to work. I saw one of them get shot about ten times, it still went on as if nothing happened. Craziest thing I’ve ever seen.’

He laughed. It was a laugh filled with bitterness. ‘Jenny, I should have put her out of her misery. I really should have. But I don’t have the heart for it, Rick. I just don’t. She’s my wife, mother of my son. I can’t do that to her, I just can’t.’

Morgan sighed as he continued to comfort Rick. ‘If it’s okay with you Rick, we’ll take the bed down here. There is a bed upstairs, you can take that one. I need to make sure my son is okay.’

‘Of course. I’ll see you tomorrow. Goodnight.

**Day 61**

‘They’re gone,’ Morgan said. ‘But there is one still out there, sitting by the fence. I’ve seen some of them do that, you know. Most come and go, but there is always a couple of strays left behind. Who knows why they do that?’

Rick peaked through the window and saw the person Morgan was talking about. He was a man, seemed mid-thirties. Wearing a cardigan and jeans. 

‘You sure they’re dead?’ Rick asked. He felt sick to his stomach. His hands clutched tightly onto the baseball bat Fred had left behind in one of his closets. ‘What if the CDC really did make a cure and I’m killing an innocent and sick man?’

Morgan looked out the window. ‘They’re dead man. I hope the CDC made a cure, but there is no cure to bring people back from the dead. Jenny burned out and died in my arms. Trust me, they’re dead. You getting this one or not?’

Rick sighed. ‘I guess I’m getting this one.’

‘Good. Don’t hesitate. And remember, go for the head. That is the only way to put them down.’

‘Got it.’

‘Good luck, Rick,’ Duane cried out. Rick nodded to acknowledge the boy, but it was all he could to keep his breakfast (spaghetti hoops, a first for everything) from coming back up. They went away from the window and Morgan opened the door.

Almost instantly the man sitting down turned up to see where the source of the noise was coming from. He snarled as he saw his would be victims, and got up from his position and was ready to take a bite out of them.

Rick didn’t let him have the chance. Almost instantly, he ran towards the figure and swung the bat. The bat hit the man, but it wasn’t enough to kill him dead. He merely fell down to the pavement again, ready to try and get up and repeat the process all over again.

And again, Rick didn’t let him. Swinging the bat on the man’s head over and over again, Rick felt the blood splatter over his white t-shirt. He did not stop until he stopped twitching.

‘You got him,’ Morgan confirmed. Rick nodded, before turning around and throwing up his spaghetti hoops.

‘It’s tough, the first time,’ Morgan was sympathetic. ‘Jenny couldn’t say a word that calmed me down after we ran away.’

Rick looked at the man he battered to death. His face was a ruin, blood splattered everywhere. ‘This wasn’t my first kill,’ he replied. ‘Those robbers me and Shane were after, I’m sure I got one or maybe even two. But this was different to that. I feel like I’ve just went and battered some random on the street.’

‘You can’t think like that,’ Morgan said. ‘He was dead, you were just putting him out of his misery. Always remember that. Now where is this police station of yours? We need to hurry and get to it, there’s every chance they could come back.’

‘Come on, I’ll show you. First I need to get to my house and get the keys. They should be there and we’re good to go.’

‘Okay.’

And so, it was that Rick searched for his keys to the police station, and indeed they were in the kitchen cabinet. As he went back to the hall and saw Duane playing with a transformer toy that Carl had loved, he stopped to take in the sight. 

He felt a dagger to the heart. Carl needed him, and he was nowhere to be found. That is how it must have seemed to Lori.

 _Duane’s playing with that stupid thing, in a hall with no pictures_. And that’s when it clicked. There were no pictures.

‘Morgan,’ Rick called. Morgan had been in the living room, searching for anything that could be of use with his permission. Morgan came through the hall, axe in hand. ‘Yeah?’

‘There’s no pictures in the hall. Or anywhere, for that matter?’

Morgan looked at him uncomprehending, and Rick couldn’t blame him. He must have sounded insane. He knew how it sounded.

‘No looters would have taken photos,’ Rick explained. ‘Lori would have been the only one to have cared enough to take them. She most definitely left this place alive with Carl, I’m thinking to Atlanta. It’s the only reasonable place, especially if what you told me about the CDC is true. And Lori’s parents live there, they moved just shortly after Carl was born.’ 

Morgan lowered the axe and nodded. ‘Jenny tried to do the same. I told her it wasn’t worth it, we needed to focus on the survival things. I wish I let her now.’ He shook his head. ‘Wives, they always know best.’

‘They do,’ Rick said. ‘Although we don’t let them know that we know that.’

‘No, we can’t.’ Morgan smiled, but Rick could see it had taken effort.

‘Let’s get to this police station then,’ Rick said. ‘C’mon Duane,’ Morgan picked up the axe on one hand and offered the other to Duane. ‘Put down the toy and let’s go.’

‘Can I keep it?’ Duane asked. He was asking Morgan, Rick realised. _He’s so young, slightly younger than Carl I think. And the things he’s been through already. What kind of world is this for children?_

‘You’ll need to ask Rick, Duane.’ 

‘It’s okay,’ Rick said with a smile. ‘Carl would love for you to have it. I’m sure of it.’

Duane thanked him with his own smile. And as he took Morgan’s hand and the father and son duo went out, Rick took one last look around the house. 

The chair in the living room, how many times had he and Shane sat there and cracked a cold bear? Or the dining table where Lori often served them breakfast and dinner, the breakfast somehow always burned and the dinner always cold. The laughter and the tears in the house, they had been endless.

And now there was nothing to be said. Despite the fact the house hadn’t been looted (yet) and was filled with furniture, it never had looked so empty to Rick. 

A family made a home, and the family was no longer there. Rick felt unbearable sadness and left, thinking it might be the last time he would be in there.

*

They approached the police station, Rick with his baseball bat and Morgan with his axe. Duane clutched onto his transformer.

Rick would have been very surprised if nobody attempted to loot the building. He saw that he was not wrong. The front windows had been shattered, that included the glass to the door. Rick and Morgan exchanged glances, before Rick entered the building first.

The computer in the front desk was gone. The stacks of paper and pens were in a worse clutter than he remembered, Diana would have been having kittens at the sight of it. Rick saw the door to the cubicles were shut, but he saw no need to open. 

All the same, he pressed an ear to the door. Morgan was in the building now and looked at him expectedly. Rick shook his head.

Morgan went behind the desk and grabbed the chair and went over to place it underneath the doorknob. 

‘Smart,’ Rick said. Morgan nodded. ‘We’ve been doing it for a while, me and Duane,’ was his explanation. Rick figured he needed to step up in the game and sooner.

 _Funny how a couple of civilians know better than a police officer does_ , Rick thought as he led the way to the room on the far right. The sign above where the door should have been read **Armoury.** The door had been hacked down by an axe, Rick assumed as he saw the remains lying down on the floor. Wood and glass intermingled. 

His heart skipped a beat. _They shouldn’t be gone, they can’t. Nobody could get through the gates_.

He saw that he was right. Pistols, shotguns and rifles were all in the metal gates. Whoever had been desperate enough to get into the armoury by hacking down the door hadn’t had the means to get through the cages. 

Luckily for Rick and the Jones’, he had the resources right in his pocket.

Rick opened the door with a _clink_ and immediately got to work alongside Morgan. They packed their guns and bullets in the four sheriff’s bags. The armoury had only been halfway empty by the time they finished. 

‘You sure you don’t want to come with me?’ Rick asked Morgan as they left the building and turned the corner to go to the back. The keys Rick had in his pocket would also open the fence where the cars were situated. This was something they had talked about in their way over to the station, their next move. 

‘Yeah, I’m sure. I have to thank you, Rick,’ Morgan stopped so Rick did as well. ‘For this, I mean. You didn’t have to.’

‘I did. I would have been killed if it weren’t for you and Duane here,’ at this Rick tapped Duane’s head and he grinned. ‘Seriously, you should come. I know its none of my business, but you did say Jenny promised you would get Duane to Atlanta. It’s where I’m heading, we would get along safer in numbers.’

‘I know that,’ Morgan sighed. ‘It’s just, I need to make sure the boy is ready. Every time we got out there, we got pushed back out. I can’t risk Duane’s safety. Your place, we could hide out until its time to move on. With these guns, I’ll be able to show him how to shoot. So thank you for that.’

‘Anytime. But like I said, you saved me. This is me thanking you for that.’

Rick turned to open the fence when he heard the monster before he saw him. They both looked up and saw a figure behind the fence. 

It wasn’t just anybody, however. Jenny and her rope had been distinct as had the half corpse had been, but the rest that Rick had saw all blended with one another so far. Nothing distinct about them.

Yet this figure was wearing the classic sheriff’s uniform, and he was currently hissing and grabbing at the fences, trying to get at the living flesh out of his reach. Rick looked sadly at him, remembering the life that used to be in his face and now it had been replaced by a ghoulish nightmare. Eyes devoid of life, only an endless hunger.

Leon Keon. A stupid name for a foolish rookie. 

‘You know him?’ Morgan asked. Rick nodded. ‘I have to put him out,’ Rick said. ‘I can’t leave him like this, I can’t.’

Rick saw Morgan look away, just a second and winced. _Of course. Jenny._

Avoiding the subject, Rick went for his gun. His colt python had been placed back in the locker, and it felt good to have it with him again. 

Leon continued to hiss and snarl as Rick aimed the barrel of his gun between Leon’s eyes. Seeing the uniform made him think of Shane, and he wondered where his partner was. If he was even alive.

‘Duane, cover your eyes,’ he heard Morgan say.

He pulled the trigger. The sound of the gun was shockingly loud, and Leon fell backwards and onto the pavement.

Rick lowered his gun and sighed. ‘We should have some sort of name for them. I don’t know what, but that thing I just shot is not the Leon I knew. Leon was a young and foolish rookie, not fit for his job if you ask me. But he was a nice enough boy, he wasn’t that monster I just put down there.’

‘Agreed,’ Morgan said. 

‘How about walkers?’ Duane asked. Rick and Morgan looked at him, and he blushed. ‘Well, they’re always walking about. Most of them never stop,’ he muttered.

‘I like it,’ Rick said. Morgan ruffled his son’s hair as Rick went to the padlock and opened the fence. ‘Well, here’s the keys to that car,’ Rick handed them over to Morgan as they approached the police cruisers. ‘We’re lucky nobody looted my house or got into the armoury.’

‘Yup,’ Morgan said. ‘I wouldn’t call it luck exactly, but it helps.’

Rick opened the boot of his own car and placed his bags in. He went over to Duane who handed the bag of clothes that he had been carrying, amongst which was his sheriff’s uniform.

‘Thanks Duane. Now you take care of your old man for me, will you?’

‘Yes sir,’ Duane smiled.

‘That’s a good lad,’ and Duane quickly hugged Rick. Rick hugged him back, and watched as the boy went into the policecar.

Morgan approached Rick and offered his hand to shake. Rick accepted and the two men looked at one another. Rick wondered if this was going to be the last time they saw one another.

‘You be careful out there Rick. I really do hope you find your wife and son.’

‘You too, and me too,’ Rick said. He felt let go of Morgan’s hand. ‘I don’t know if I will handle it if I can’t.’

‘I have faith in you, and Duane has faith in you,’ Morgan smiled. ‘I know you aren’t very religious, but we’ll pray for you.’

‘I appreciate that,’ Rick said. He meant it.

‘Anyway, we better get going fast. Looks like the gunshot attracted a few of them,’ Morgan noted. Rick looked around and saw he was right. A couple of the walkers, as Duane had called them, were coming out of the forest.

‘Goodbye Morgan.’

‘Goodbye Rick.’

And so it was that two police cars drove off from the police station, one going left back to King’s Country where it would continue to make its residency and the other turned right to Atlanta, towards an uncertain future. 

But as Rick had his foot down the gas pedal, he kept thinking of Leon. _I hope if he was in there, that he is at peace right now_.

The thought brought him to Jenny, still in her white robe and shambling with the rest of the walkers. Causing Duane grief and burdening Morgan’s conscience over his actions. It wasn’t right, what this world was shaping up to be.

So Rick changed direction slightly. He passed the houses that had more signs of having been looted and broken into. A couple of walkers were out in the street, attracted by the car and slowly wandering to the latest attraction that had caught their attention.

The **Melrose Tribute** sign was in view as he stopped the car. He walked out and approached the location where he had picked up the bicycle. The corpse was still there, its hair as ratty as ever and still trying to move and get its prey. Jaw snapping open and shut. He couldn’t even call it a walker, for it had no legs to walk with.

Rick closed his eyes and muttered a prayer. _I don’t know if you’re real or not. I doubt it to be honest. But just let this person rest in peace_.

He aimed his gun and pulled the trigger. 


	2. Day 63

**Day 63**

The car finally ran out of gasoline.

Rick cursed in frustration as he slammed his hands against the wheel. He was in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by fields of endless grass. The heat was hot today, his police shirt was sticking to him like glue. All in all, he did not like his chances.

 _Fuck it, got to keep going_. He got out of the car and went to the boot to gather his bag of guns, and off he went. He did not bother shutting the doors.

The bags weighed down with the burden of the contents inside. Add in the context of the heat, he worried about having a stroke. He could hear Shane laughing at the idea of his friend surviving a gunshot wound, being abandoned whilst in a coma and his first couple of days experiencing this hell on earth only to die off heat stroke.

‘Shut it Shane,’ he found himself saying out loud. ‘Just, shut it.’ The past couple of days had been exhausting. He knew Morgan had told him he and Duane had kept being pushed back every time they tried to set for Atlanta, but it had to have been experienced to believe. He had lost track of how many times he had to drive into a field and risk the chance of his car being stuck in the mud because of roadblocks in the form of abandoned trucks and cars. He had seen a few walkers here and there too, but luckily for him had no close encounters with any of them.

What was heavy on his mind had nothing to do with these obstacles, however. He pictured Jenny in her rope, Duane crying into the pillows as Morgan hushed him. Morgan was there for his son when he needed him. _I was not there for Lori and Carl when they needed me. Not even before this all shit._

 _What if th_ \- ‘Stop it,’ Rick said again out loud. It was becoming a habit that he needed to squash down. ‘Got to keep going.’

The truth was, Rick suspected, he had to keep making noise because the surreal nature of quiet of the world was beginning to get to him. Even in a small town like his own, he would hear cars driving in the distance, people talking, school bells ringing and just people going about their day to day business. The general sound of a plane passing by was usually a nuisance.

Yet here he was, surrounded by quiet that was only occasionally broke by the sound of walkers hissing as they spotted his car. He did not even hear nature, strange as it was to think of. He figured birds would have been chirping away merrily to make up for the absence of mankind.

‘Or perhaps they’re quiet to avoid the notice of the walkers.’ That was a possibility Rick considered. Although it did not stop them singing away when humans could just up and shoot them, so who knew. From what he could tell, the walkers could not even operate a fence gate like Leon back at the police station. He had yet to see one fly and snatch a bird from the sky.

Coming to a stop, Rick panted for breath as he put the bags down. He walked further than he thought. The sun was higher in the sky now, an angry star of orange flames. Beads of sweat trickled down his face as he wiped it. ‘You should be used to it, Georgia boy,’ Rick said. ‘You grew up here your whole life.’

As he examined his surroundings, he saw that a blur in the background. He had to squint his eyes to make out what it was, and figured he was not going to find out until he took his bags and marched over. He decided to sit down for five, ten minutes before doing exactly that.

The blur transformed into a house. A farmhouse, to be exact. The white paint was faded, peeling away to reveal brick. He saw the barn, its doors wide open. A horrid smell was coming from the barn, he could smell it from here. He did not think it was manure and had no desire to investigate it, yet he had to try. There was a tractor in the middle of the field, no doubt gathering rust.

S _ee if one of those walkers are inside, I don’t want to get jumped on._ Gun in hand, Rick approached the barn and darted a glance inside. He could not see any, but he went inside and took a glance around anyway.

The barn was straw and hay city, but he had been wrong about the shit. There was plenty of it everywhere. And amongst the mess there were dead animals. Pigs, he figured. He heard the buzzing of the flies before he saw them as they swarmed around their feast, a black cloud blocking out the sight.

_Finally found that bit of nature I’ve been looking for. Thanks._

Rick turned away. He felt the urge to throw up, but again there was nothing of substance to throw up. He would have dry heaved.

Tapping a hand on his sheriff’s hat and using it to block the sun, Rick approached the faded house. The owners were either gone or inside, walkers made prisoners of their own home. He was not going to find out by blindly wandering in, he had to be smart about it if he was going to stay alive.

He checked the windows. Most had the curtains drawn, but he lucked out at the back window. And the sight he saw was worse than the barn.

A man and woman had lived here. They must have been farmers before this, loving the hard work and the simple life of being out in the country. This apocalypse that had raged across America had been too much for them, and they had both eaten the barrel of the shotgun.

She was on the ground; Rick had a queasy feeling the side of her face on the rug was stuck there by blood and brain matter. He was on the chair, what could be made of his face was a ruin and it sort of rolled to the side. His right hand still held onto the shotgun, as if ready for trespassers.

Like himself. The flies were in here too, content with this abundance of feast they were getting from both the house and the barn.

Rick turned around and heaved. Nothing came out. He sat down the steps and held his hands over his face. He did not know what to do but just sit there, trying to forget what he had seen.

Like Jenny in her rope and Duane weeping, it was an impossible task.

 _C’mon man, snap out of it. Lori and Carl need you Rick, now!_ Shane’s voice had a habit of making him crash down to planet earth. It could be irritating at times, but he was more than thankful for it now.

As he got up, he heard a nicker. He turned around, hand of the draw of his gun. It was not a sound he was expecting. Neither was the sight he laid eyes on.

There was a horse there, chestnut brown and looking at him expectedly. It was stuck behind a fence, but Rick saw there was plenty of grass for the horse to have kept itself fed. How it drank though was a whole mystery. He had to blink once, twice and thrice before he concluded that he was not hallucinating. What he saw before him was indeed real.

 _I may have just solved my gas problem._ Shane was quick to make a comeback in his head, something the real Shane would probably have made and thinking he was being witty. Rick shook his head, not caring. He had to be careful in how he approached the horse.

‘Hey buddy,’ he found himself saying. ‘You been out here all this time?’

He had no idea what he was doing. It had been years since he had horse riding lessons. Kings County had an annual festival and he had been lucky enough to win five lessons. He quit after the second, his mother had been furious.

But the horse continued watching him and did not move away. Rick took that as a good sign as he opened the fence. As if it heard and wanted to spite him, the horse retreated a couple of steps. ‘Woah,’ Rick said. ‘Ease up, buddy. I don’t want to hurt you. Scout’s honour, I don’t want to hurt you. I just want to take you away from here, get us both away from here. I’m going to Atlanta, see.’

The horse snorted, and Rick had never felt more ridiculous in his life than he did at this moment. Here he was genuinely having conversations with a horse who seemed to be responding. Not for the first time Rick wondered if he was still having coma dreams.

He approached the horse, and the horse did not back away. Rick found himself stroking the horse’s hair, and the horse seemed to appreciate it. ‘I want you to come with me,’ Rick was saying now. ‘I need to find my wife and son. The whole city is safe, so I hear anyway. I bet you there will be other horses just like you. So, what do you say pal? We get away from this joint and go?’

And before he could change his mind on the idea that formed in his mind in the second, he saw the horse, he got on horseback. His bags were strapped to his back, but he worried about the weight of them. His stomach seemed to drop when the horse moved about, he felt like he was floating in the clouds.

The horse brayed a couple of times, and Rick felt himself holding onto him or her for dear life as it took off, clearly excited to get away from the field that it had been stuck in for a couple of months now. Rick found that he was laughing aloud, his voice ringing in the field.

Now came the hard part of steering the horse. Despite his lessons he had no idea how he was going to make it work.

He just needed to try.

*

It had been difficult guiding the horse, whom he called Jackie. Luck must have been on his side because the horse seemed to know where he wanted to go, but twice they had wandered off in a completely different direction.

He felt it was a classic case of the blind leading the blind, but the sight ahead filled him with relief that it had not been so. Atlanta loomed ahead in the distance.

But it was not the Atlanta he remembered. He was on the highway with Jackie, and the sun was shining bright. This illuminated the ruin of the buildings. They were still standing, but to Rick it was a wonder they could. Some towers were exposed to the elements, others showed signs of heavy damage.

It took his breath away. _They must have bombed the place._ And to his left was the traffic jam. Well, it would have been a traffic jam if anybody alive were in the cars or buses or trucks. As far as he could tell, there was nobody in any of the vehicles. They were left abandoned, all of them trying to get out of the city and left to rot. He could see many had collected a lot of bird waste on their rooftops, but he could also see some were already rusting.

And the _silence_. Rick could hear the birds in the sky, circling around the buildings. Vultures, most likely. Or crows. He couldn’t make them out from the highway. But he shouldn’t have been able to hear their calls in the first place.

Atlanta usually bustled with noise, and there was none to be heard. _A city should be noisy, alive_. It was not a comforting thought, and Rick felt something deeper than dread coil in his stomach.

He wanted more than anything to turn around with Jackie and go back to his hometown, back to Morgan and Duane. But he could never forgive himself if he left then, never even tried to find Lori and Carl. He could kick himself just even thinking of it as a possibility.

So, he urged Jackie on, and man and horse approached and entered the city.

The silence continued to strike at him as they ventured out into the streets. Past shopping malls, office buildings, restaurants. Weeds and all forms of wildlife were forming in the cracks of the pavements, left unattended to grow and just bloom. Many cars were scattered about the roads and pavements, a couple had even crashed into stores.

Rick took this all in. _I don’t like this._ He passed a burnt-out bus, and that was when he first saw a walker. It had been a man, just sitting there in the seat until an intruder had woken him from his spell. He got up and went to follow the man riding the horse.

Rick paid the walker no mind, but as he saw a couple more emerge from their hiding places, he was all too aware of how sweaty his hands were getting. Jackie neighed. ‘Just ignore them boy,’ Rick urged his horse on away from the street.

He saw a tank that had been abandoned, surrounded by four sets of sandbags that covered north, east, south and west. The American Flag fluttered in a slight breeze, on top of a pole that had been impaled into the torso of a deceased walker.

Rick wrinkled his nose. T _hey gave up on this place. I went all this way for nothing_. He thought about where he should go now. Lori and Carl had come here, he knew that deep within his heart even if he did not have proof. Supposed they went to Lori’s parents. The pair of them lived in a towering block, one of the upper apartments. With a destination in mind, Rick prepared to set off when he heard it. _I must be losing it. It can’t be._

_Chuff, chuff, chuff._

He looked up at the sky. He couldn’t see anything, just the badly damaged skyrise buildings. One building was relatively untouched though, and the reflection of its glass windows was clear as day.

The glass reflected a helicopter.

Not even taking a moment to consider, Rick urged Jackie on. Jackie neighed but complied, and Rick found himself lost in the moment. The first sign of human life since Kings County, it wasn’t a small matter. He felt like he could whoop with laughter. So, caught up in the moment he failed to hear the loud drone, almost like an ocean. If he had been more careful, he would have heard them before he saw them.

If he had been more careful, he would not have rounded the corner and come face to face with thousands of walkers. They were all cramped together in the big wide street, jammed in together like the vehicles in the highway. Side by side, they could not move left or right.

They could move forward though. Their snarls and hisses blended into one as one after the other all lurched forward, all eyes on a foolish policeman riding blind on a horse.

‘Fuck, fuck!’ Rick cursed as Jackie kicked his front legs up. One of his bags of guns fell onto the street, and Rick held onto dear life before Jackie put his legs down and ran down the streets. The walkers were hot on their heels though. Slow as they may be, as packed as they were it was clear that they were pushing one another to the point it looked like a tsunami sweeping the city of Atlanta.

Rick noted with relief that he still had the other bag, but that relief died as quick when he came across another heart stopping sight. He was back at the tank but coming from all directions were all walkers. Either he or the helicopter drew them all here, he did not know. What he did know was that he was utterly trapped.

Jackie whined, and Rick tried to calm him down. It did no good, however. A bunch of walkers were in front of the horse now. Jackie tried to kick again, and he did _kick._ A couple got pushed back into the crowd that was forming around their prey.

Rick also fell on his arse thanks to the kick. He landed with a thump, and both his hat and his bag landed by his side. He didn’t stop to think though, he pulled his gun out and fired as a walker lurched out to bite him. Blood splattered all over his face.

Rick quickly turned around and pushed himself up to run to the tank. The walkers were around Jackie now, and there were now too many for him to kick off. Rick heard the horse’s screams, but he had his own problems.

Rick got to the tank, and realized it was hopeless. North, east, south, west; all directions were blocked off. There was nowhere to go.

_The tank! Get in!_

He quickly got on top and breathed a sigh of relief when he realized the top was open. He went through the hole with no hesitation, and he shut the door. He did not look back to see poor Jackie being feasted upon, but if he had he would have seen the walker from the bus with the suit, a face amongst the crowd.

Rick felt cramped in the small inside of the tank. The heat was unbearable. The dead soldier sitting in the corner gave him a start. Before he could determine if the soldier were truly dead or not, the soldier opened his eyes and groaned.

Quick on the draw as always, Rick pulled the gun and shot. A harsh ringing sound dominated his world, and he covered his ears and felt like he was screaming out loud. He did not know what was real in that moment or not.

And just like that, the ringing stopped. Rick lowered himself onto the cool floor and closed his eyes. ‘How could I be so stupid?’ He asked himself. He was backed into a corner, and he did not know how to get out of the mess he had made himself. He looked at his gun. It was one way, he supposed.

He slowly raised the gun to his temple, and his fingers were just inches away from making one last decision.

‘Lori, Carl. I’m sorry,’ he whispered.

He heard static.

He supposed he had pulled the trigger after all, and now he was in the afterlife. He thought of all the times he had scoffed at religion, of the pitying thoughts he had of Morgan and Duane praying at the table. It was not so stupid after all.

But he was still in the tank, and he heard a voice. Far and distant, yet so close somehow.

‘Hey, hey you.’

Rick turned around. There was a radio station, and he instantly lowered himself down and grabbed the microphone attached to it. ‘Hey, dumbass. You in the tank. You there?’

‘I’m here,’ Rick said. He could hear the desperation and relief in his voice. ‘I’m here, who is this.’

‘Fuck!’ Came the reply. ‘I had no idea this walkie would even connect to the tank. It’s good to hear your voice dude, I thought you were done for!’

‘It’s good to hear yours. I thought so too, but I suppose with all of them out there I might as well be. Who are you again, where are you?’

‘Man, you sound just like my Nana. She was always negative about everything too. You’re alive man, you should be celebrating! Anyway, I’m Glenn. I’m around a corner right now from where you are. I dare not show my face, I’ll have them all up my ass if I do.’

Rick nodded; his eyes shut. ‘Nice to talk to you Glenn. I’m Rick. Are you sure you can’t look for me? I know its asking a lot, but are they all around the tank still?’ The soft banging outside the tank had suggested otherwise, but visual confirmation would be better than nothing.

‘No,’ Glenn sounded breathless. ‘Well, I mean there is plenty behind the tank and there is one on top trying to get in. But I think most of the other geeks are focused on your horse. It’s an all you can eat buffet out here.’

‘Can I get to where you are then? Just bolt out, grab my bag, run to you and get the hell out of here?’

There was a brief silence, before Glenn answered. ‘No can do, Rick. You can get out but you need to forget the bag. I suggest you do it now! You don’t have much time, and neither do I if I keep talking to you on this thing Just run forward to the corner shop, I’m in the first alleyway.’

‘Okay. I’m going now. Wish me luck,’ and before Rick leaned away and opened the hatch, he quickly scavenged the soldier for content. He felt the small but heavy weight of a grenade, and pocketed it. He set to his task. There was indeed a walker on top of the tank, crawling about and reaching its hands out to him. Rick pulled the trigger and fired. The walker died as it lay.

Pushing himself out from the tank, Rick got up and jumped onto the pavement. He landed steady, but he noticed that all walkers’ eyes were on him. This was including the crowd that had eaten poor Jackie to bone.

Rick ran forward. He saw the corner shop and the alleyway Glenn was talking about. A couple of walkers were in his way, however. One was wearing a dress, the other office wear. Once again he pulled his trigger. Bang, bang. The noise seemed to wind the other walkers up, their growls increased in volume.

Rick turned into the alleyway and had his gun out, ready to shoot. A figure was in front of him, hands in the air and shouting, ‘not dead, not dead!’

It was Glenn. His face was bright red, it was obvious he was filled with fear with the way he trembled. But Glenn reacted faster than he had been doing, grabbing onto his shirt and urging him to follow him.

The dead were on their heels. Rick took Glenn at his word and the duo ran down the alley. But Glenn stopped suddenly, and Rick almost ran into him, and he could see why.

The other side of the alley was filled with walkers, going straight in their direction. Once again, Rick had been blocked off with no exit in site. ‘Shit,’ Rick aimed his gun and shot the closest walker.

‘Stop shooting, you’ll bring them all down on us!’ Glenn practically screamed as he jumped up. Rick looked up and saw he was trying to get a pair of ladders that just needed pressure to be brought down.

Glenn got it in first try, and the ladders came down. ‘C’mon, dumbass! Get up, get up!’

Rick followed his instructions. He did not forget the urgency of why they needed to get out of there as fast as they could, but he could not help but be wowed by Glenn and his presence. It was clear he did not take any fools, which he had been a massive one today.

It could not be denied. As they got up to the roof, Glenn lend his hand out for Rick to take which he did to get up. Both men then sat down, both panting and thankful to be alive for another day.

_Or hour._

‘That was intense,’ Glenn said finally. He looked over at Rick. ‘Sorry for calling you dumbass, but you were. No offence.’

‘None taken. I was,’ Rick said. Glenn looked at him, then laughed. Rick found himself laughing alongside him.

As the laughter died down Rick took a look down. The walkers had completely blocked up the alleyway, like full toothpaste in a tube. It was an unsettling sight, combined with the sounds they were making.

‘What on earth possessed you to shoot?’ Glenn asked him. Rick turned around. ‘I understood before you got in the tank, that one would have had you for sure. But you brought them all down on you when you got out of the tank. My group is going to be pissed.’

‘Yeah, I panicked. You have a group?’

‘Ain’t that funny? You being the cop and all, I was the hero! And yup, I have a group. I’ve been getting in and out of this city for supplies for so long now by myself, no trouble at all. First time I bring a group, I get all this trouble up to my arsehole. I’m not saying you are all the trouble, by the way. There is this massive dick with us that is causing us problems too.’

‘Why aren’t they with you?’ Rick asked.

‘I know this area like the back of my hand. I delivered pizzas here all the time, I know my routes. I left them in this department store, figured I could grab a few extra things here until I saw you on that horse. You always ride horses into cities? What was that all about?’

‘It’s a long story,’ Rick muttered. ‘Can we still get to them or are completely trapped here?’

Glenn shook his head. ‘Nah, we can get through this building and a couple more. If we make a move on now we can still get to them, maybe we can still get out before we are completely blocked off.’

Rick stood up, and this time offered a hand out for Glenn to shake. ‘I owe you my life, Glenn. Thank you.’

‘Don’t sweat it. I just hope somebody does the same thing for me someday. Just don’t continue to be a dumbass, okay?’ ‘Deal.’

And so Rick followed Glenn through the building. It was an apartment complex, not too unlike the one Lori’s parents had stayed in. Exiting the back door, Glenn led Rick through another apartment building and then another, only this time they went upstairs to another door. Glenn opened the door and they went down a set of stairs, but he paused and put a hand in front of Rick. ‘Look,’ he pointed out.

Two walkers were in the ally, they stood in the way of the back of the store Glenn was leading Rick to. Rick felt his fingers twitch, the temptation to pull the gun up and shoot was strong.

The walkers looked up and at once started to move in their direction. Before Rick or Glenn could do anything, the door to the store opened and two men stormed out. One man had a baseball bat, the other a crowbar. They did not hesitate, they hit below the knees which resulted in the walkers falling. Before they even had a chance to get up, the men started hitting at the back of the walkers’ heads.

‘Come on,’ Glenn was saying now as he ran to the store, Rick close behind him. The men turned around and entered too, and they slammed the door shut behind them.

Rick could only stand there, bewildered before he saw a blur of blonde hair in front of him and next thing he knew, he was slammed against a desk and was facing the barrel of a gun between his eyes.

‘Son of a bitch, I ought to kill you!’

‘Andrea, back up!’

‘You kidding me, right? We’re all dead because of this stupid arsehole.’

Rick could only stand there, his heart racing as Andrea continued aiming her gun, one hand on the gun and the other grapping his shirt tightly.

‘Well, pull the trigger then. But we’ve got much bigger problems and you’ll only make it worse?’ One of the men was saying now.

Andrea hesitated, and Rick looked into her eyes. He thought he knew the outcome before it happened, and he was right. Andrea pulled the gun away from him and let go of his shirt. She was shaking her head now as another woman walked up to her, hand at her back. ‘We’re dead, all of us. Because of you’

‘What do you mean?’ Rick asked. ‘Come with us,’ the other man said. Rick found himself following the man, the whole group did as they were led into a store filled with racks of clothes, cheap jewellery pinned up at the wall and mannequins here and presenting their best clothes. It was the type of place where you were ought to get a cheap bargain no matter the time of year.

Rick saw the problem straight away. There were a set of glass doors, and behind the glass were walkers lined from left to right, their hands battering on the glass. It would only be a matter of time before they broke through.

He looked at the group before him. Glenn, Andrea, the men who killed the walkers and the woman who comforted Andrea. Five people whose lives he might have indirectly killed with the noise he made. _And who knows if there are others?_ Not for the first time since he awoke, Rick felt like he could just be sick despite carrying little in his stomach.

One of the men looked agitated. ‘You shouldn’t have shot, man. You brought all of this on us.’

‘I’m sorry,’ Rick said. The man just turned away, and the other man looked at Rick. He seemed to think about what he was going to say, and he did. ‘Look, sorry isn’t going to do anything. We need to get our shit figured out, get the hell out of here before its too late. We could just go out of that alleyway I guess; the one Glenn and you came through.’

‘You can’t,’ Glenn said. ‘I mean, we could get out there. But we would either be going into the apartments or out into the streets doing that. The apartments don’t have anything of use now and are usually blocked outside by the walkers.’

Before anybody could say anything, a loud gunshot rang out. The whole group froze, Rick felt the urge to instantly duck. But the gunshot wasn’t coming from the store, it seemed far away yet so close too. Another gunshot occurred.

‘Oh no, is that Dixon?’ Andrea asked. Rick added another tally to the list of people he would be responsible for if they all died.

‘C’mon, we need to stop him,’ one of the men was saying now and Rick found himself following them at a back. They were going up a flight of stairs. Glenn turned around and quickly whispered to Rick. ‘The black guy, that’s T-Dog. The woman that nearly shot you is Andrea, the other one is Jacqui. Which leaves Morales. This guy who is shooting, he’s a real pain in the ass. He’s called Merle.’ Rick nodded and thanked him for the information, and the group reached the top and broke out into the roof.

Merle was aiming with a rifle, with a six pack of beer at his side. The way he postured as he aimed his rifle and puled his trigger, Rick got the impression he didn’t care that he was in the middle of the apocalypse right now. _He reminds me of the drunk assholes back at Kings County._

‘What the hell are you doing?!’ T-Dog was shouting. Merle just laughed and put his rifle down, grabbed an open car of beer and drunk. Bud Light was the brand.

‘What the fuck does it look like I’m doing, huh?! I’m doing everybody a favor, getting rid of those dead bastards down there!’ Merle laughed again. To Rick’s ears it sounded unpleasant and his voice went right through him.

‘You’re bringing them all down upon us. It was already bad and you’ve went ahead and made it worse!’

‘Worse? Me, I made it worse?’ Merle dropped the rifle. Rick winced, expecting the weapon to have went off there and then.

‘It was you dumb niggers who did that, way you just took over this country with a darkie President. No wonder the whole country is in hell with th-‘ T-Dog was on him, throwing the first punch and then the second. Rick went forward, but Glenn motioned for him to stay out of it. Rick hesitated. Every instinct as a police officer was crying inside him to break up the fight.

But Merle had started it with his insults. And better fighting than ringing the dinner bell for them all.

Just as T-Dog went to throw another punch, Merle kicked him in the groin. T-Dog moaned, and Morales quickly jumped ahead to stop the situation. Merle continued kicking in quick succession, and headbutted T-Dog for a good measure. Morales grabbed the back of Merle’s stained vest, but Merle turned around and headbutted him too. As Morales fell backward, Merle pulled out a gun strapped to his holster.

‘Don’t even fucking try it!’

‘Come on, Dixon. This is ridiculous,’ Andrea was saying.

Merle aimed the gun at her, and motioned for her to walk over where Morales was. ‘All of you, just stand there. Just stand there, all right!’ Jacqui walked over, but she motioned to T-Dog. ‘Can I see him, please? He looks really bad.’

‘As he should,’ Merle spat out blood. ‘Bastard broke my teeth. You think what, cause I’m some dumb white redneck piece of trash I’m just going to let it go, cause coons like you and T-Dog think its alright to throw your weight around? I don’t think so somehow. From now on, I’m in charge. You hear me!’

Rick walked over slowly, focused on Merle’s back as Jacqui was getting her lecture. He caught Morales’ eye, and Morales held a hand around Jacqui. ‘Listen, Dixon. We will do whatever you tell us to do, alright? But I think the lady has a point. T-Dog looks really bad.’

It was true. T-Dog was laying on the ground, groaning and unable to get up from what it looked like.

‘Funny, Morales. Funny,’ Merle was saying. ‘But I’m not falling for it. You all want to gang up on me. What about blondie over there, and the chink. Why you standing there when you should be over here. Where did that other guy go?’

‘Here,’ Rick said. Merle turned around and felt the full impact of the rifle butting into his head. Merle screamed as Rick hit him with the rifle again, and he was on the ground. Reaching for the handcuffs that were always in his person, Rick pinned Merle to the ground and locked his right hand to a pipe.

‘I’ll let you go once we figure out how we are getting out of this mess. From now on though, learn how to play nice. Or we might just leave you here.’

‘Fuck off cop. You can’t arrest me.’

‘You sure? Looks like I just did.’ He left Merle to his ranting as he approached to the group gathered around T-Dog. Jacqui was soothing him with words and Morales had a towel which he was using to wipe the blood from his face.

Andrea looked at Rick and broke the ice between them. ‘Thanks for doing that.’

‘It’s no problem,’ Rick said. He walked over to Glenn who was looking down onto the streets. The streets were packed to the brim with walkers. ‘There must be hundreds,’ Glenn said, his voice filled with awe.

‘Thousands,’ Andrea joined them. ‘It’s like time square down there. I don’t know how we are going to get out of this mess.’

‘See that area?’ Glenn pointed, Rick and Andrea had to s quint in the direction he was showing them. There was a facility barred with gates. They could see dozens of trucks parked behind the gates, and no walkers were near. ‘I’m thinking the keys must be somewhere nearby, it’s a work place right? Some sort of maintenance thing. I think its our only shot at getting out of here.’

‘That’s fine and all Glenn, but how do we get there?’ Andrea asked. Rick had felt a little hope rising, but Andrea’s words splashed reality over him. ‘I do,’ a sharp voice came from behind. The trio turned around to face Jacqui, who left T-Dog’s side and faced them directly.

‘This building has an old tunnel. At least I think it does, I know this street has many buildings all connected to one another for sure. We could chance our luck down there, see where it leads. Hopefully to this facility with the trucks.’

‘How do you know this?’ Rick asked. But the plan sounded solid if it weren’t too good to be true.

‘I was part of the city zoning office. I know my layouts,’ Jacqui said. She bristled with confidence. ‘Okay, let’s check it out.’ The group went to exit the rooftop, Morales helping T-Dog get on his feet to join them when Merle spoke up. ‘What bout me, huh? You just going to leave me chained to this rooftop. What kinda people are you?’

The group as one seemed to stop on their feet, frozen with indecision. Rick looked back at Merle, cuffed to the pipe. _Like it or not, I can’t leave this arsehole chained up here. It wouldn’t be human._

Morales seemed to share the same thoughts. ‘I don’t like it but we can’t leave him here, can we?’

Andrea had a different view. ‘He made his bed I say. Shooting his rifle made this mess a lot worse. He can get out of it in his own just like us.’

Rick put his voice forward, unsure how he would be taken. ‘Look, I know I fucked things up for everybody too. But Glenn here helped me out in a jam and I hope I can make it up to him and the rest of you. I don’t think we can leave this Merle behind, he’s not worth having him on our conscious. Besides, we don’t even know if this tunnel will lead to a way out. We could still be trapped here. I think its better if T-Dog waits here with him, he’s in no position to get up the now.’

‘I’m fine,’ T-Dog said. His wince said otherwise. ‘No, you’re not. An hour or so rest won’t kill you. In the meantime, we check this tunnel out, see what our options are.’ T-Dog seemed ready to argue, but Morales settled the debate.

‘He’s right T-Dog, you know he is. Just stay with that scumbag, he can’t do us any harm now anyway.’

And it was decided, the group going down the stairs and back into the department store. The moaning and banging on the glass doors were a horrible sound, and it made the group quicken their pace. The very sight of them seemed to make the walkers go into more of a frenzy than they were already in.

They went to the back of the shop and found a large gap in the middle of the floor. How Rick never noticed it when he first came in he had no idea, although he thought Andrea threatening to shoot him might have had something to do with it.

The gap was filled with darkness. The ladders down were visible, but that seemed to be the only thing they could all see. Glenn grimaced. ‘Anybody got a torch?’

‘Here,’ Jacqui turned around and went to a bag where she pulled out a torch. She handed the torch to Glenn who thanked her. ‘I don’t think we all should go down,’ Glenn was saying now. ‘It’s just too risky, having us all jammed into what I’m going to assume is a narrow space. I think it should be and somebody else, somebody watching from here and somebody watching the store.’

‘You want me to go with you,’ Rick offered.

Glenn shook his head. ‘You’ve got a gun. I know that got us in this mess, but I’d rather you be in the store covering our arses if something happens. Andrea too. That leaves Morales or Jacqui to come with me.’

‘I’ll go,’ Morales said but Jacqui stepped forward.

‘No, Morales. This was my plan. You’ve got a wife and two children back at camp, they need you more than they need me. We don’t know what could be down there.’ Glenn looked positively green at the last sentence, but he agreed with Jacqui. ‘Okay, it’s a plan. Let’s get to it people.’

*

The tunnel was indeed narrow and filled with darkness. Jacqui’s torch paved the way with a little light however, which Glenn was thankful for.

They had to stop at a door. Luckily for them they did not need a key to enter. With the door open behind them, they continued with their journey.

_At least the door is open. If we have to turn around and got locked out, man that would suck._

Glenn heard a sound and he stopped walking immediately. Jacqui did the same, and she pointed her torch where the sound was coming from.

It was just a rat squeaking away.

Jacqui laughed then, and Glenn found himself laughing alongside her.

‘I never in a million years thought I would be laughing at one of those things,’ she was saying after their laughter died down. ‘I would scream if I saw a spider in my house, never mind a rat!’

Glenn nodded. ‘Spiders are terrifying. I don’t know how some people can just pick them up like its nothing. Nothing living should have eight legs.’ ‘Tell me about it,’ Jacqui said. The pair continued their path, the rat scurrying away into the darkness.

‘So did you catch that new guy’s name?’ Jacqui asked.

‘His name’s Rick. He seems a good guy, all things considered.’

Jacqui took this in consideration. ‘I think you’re right, Glenn. At least he put a stop to that Dixon bastard. Who knows how things would have turned out if he hadn’t been.’

‘So what do you think? About Dixon, I mean. Andrea seemed awfully keen on leaving him behind.’

Jacqui sighed. ‘Honestly Glenn, I don’t know. That’s a rarity for me, my family and friends would tell you I have a strong opinion on just about any subject. From politics to what clothes people should be wearing. But I just don’t know. He put us in danger, but the cop is right. I don’t want his blood in my hands, but he’s going to be a problem either way.’

‘Yeah, it’s a tough call. Wait, do you hear that?’ His last sentence became a whisper as they heard a squeaking noise.

‘Another rat?’ Jacqui whispered. They crept now, and Jacqui shone her torch forward.

There was a rat’s tail, the rest of its body in the mouth of a walker. The walker was munching away, but the light distracted him. Dropping the mouse, the walker made an inhuman snarling noise and lurched forward to get to the pair.

Luckily for them, there was a barrier between them. A solid, metal gate. ‘Fuck!’ Glenn cried out. His heart beat like he had ran a marathon throughout the city of Atlanta. He felt he might as well have with the amount of trips he had been taking over the past couple of months anyway.

Jacqui made a silent prayer with her free hand. ‘Thank the lord for that gate, but it looks like my plan is a burst. We can’t get through that without cutting it down.’

The walker’s moans were getting louder by the second, desperate in its desire to get at them. Which was their indicator to turn back and head back.

‘It was worth a shot. At least now we know,’ Glenn said.

_Just how do we get out now?_

'Yeah it was. I hate that I got everybody’s hopes up though. Especially Morales and Andrea, they are the ones that have got family back in camp. I don’t think things are good between Morales and Miranda either, between you and me.’

‘No,’ Glenn replied. It was the only thing he could say. He didn’t do well with gossip.

‘No’s right. We need to come up with something. Soon.’

'Don’t forget Dixon,’ Glenn said. Jacqui looked up at him, puzzled. ‘What do you mean?’ ‘Merle’s got that brother, Daryl. He’s always off hunting, remember? I don’t what to think what he would do if we came back without him.’

*

The banging on the glass started to irritate Rick. He turned around to face Andrea, who seemed occupied in her own world. She was staring at a figurehead, the neck displaying a necklace.

‘Thinking of taking it?’ Rick asked.

Andrea looked at him, her face blushing as if she had been caught stealing. ‘No, I would never.’

‘It’s okay,’ Rick reassured her. ‘Take it. Why not?’

‘Well, for one there is a cop staring at me,’ Andrea said with a smile. That got Rick to smile too.

‘I don’t think those rules apply anymore, do you?’ Rick asked. Andrea seemed to think about it, then she nodded.

‘Yeah, you’re right enough.’ Andrea took the necklace from the display and pocketed it.

‘It looked nice,’ Rick said.

‘Oh, it’s not for me. It’s for my sister Amy. She’s back at camp and I know she loves mermaids. Her entire room used to be covered poster to poster with mermaids. And then there was the toys, it drove my parents crazy from what I remember.’

‘She sounds like quite a character,’ Rick said. _Did she say back at camp?_

Andrea smiled. ‘She is. Listen, I’m sorry about the gun in your face. I was panicking and wasn’t thinking.’

‘It’s okay,’ Rick reassured her. ‘No really, people point guns at me all the time. Part of the job, you see?’

Andrea shook her head as she laughed. ‘No, it was a shitty thing for me to do.’

‘Did you say camp? How many more of you are there?’

Andrea seemed to hesitate, before she allowed herself to say, ‘There are a dozen of us, just outside Atlanta. We’ve been there since they dropped the bombs on this place. I’m sure you saw the damage done to the city.’

‘Yeah I did, it was surreal.’

‘Surreal is right. I can’t believe they did it myself. May I ask, what drove you to push forward in the middle of all this?’

Rick recalled the helicopter then, up in the sky and far away from the chaos down on the ground. It already seemed like a million years ago now. He told her so.

'We didn’t hear anything. Maybe you imagined it?’

Rick shook his head. ‘I saw it Andrea. Believe me or not, but I don’t think I hallucinated it. It was clear as day to me. That actually reminds me. I don’t think I introduced myself yet. I’m Rick.’

Andrea smiled. ‘Hey Rick, I’m Andrea. Although you seemed to already know my name.’

Rick felt himself about to ask about the camp when he heard it. He quickly grabbed his gun, Andrea did too. There was a crack on the glass beginning to show. The pressure from the walkers was starting to get too much on the glass.

That was when Glenn, Morales and Jacqui came running into the room.

‘What’s going on?’ Morales asked breathlessly.

‘It’s starting to crack. I don’t think we’ve got much longer,’ Rick replied.

‘Let’s get back to the rooftop, figure out a plan there,’ Glenn said, and the group agreed. As they walked back into the roof, they saw Merle shooting daggers at T-Dog, who was pacing back and fourth.

‘What’s wrong?’ Andrea asked.

T-Dog shook his head. ‘Just that loud mouthed racist, it’s all,’ he shook his head and sighed.

‘Didn’t like the truth, that’s all,’ Merle jeered. ‘Think he’s going to faint from that doing I gave him.’ ‘Stop it!’ Rick shouted. ‘We need to think on how we’re getting out, and you aren’t helping. Not one bit.’

Merle spat blood on the floor. ‘You pigs are all the same. There is no getting out of this. This is our last days on earth. The sooner you people realise that, the better. There isn’t meant to be any rules when the rapture has come for us all.’

Jacqui laughed bitterly. ‘This isn’t the rapture. Good people like me wouldn’t still be around with men like you.’

Merle smirked himself. ‘That’s cause-‘ T-Dog turned around and punched Merle on the nose. Merle howled and tried to kick back, but T-Dog got out of the way. Rick put a hand on T-Dog’s shoulders when Merle started to taunt how much of a coward he was, afraid of things getting out of hand and putting a stop to it before it did.

‘We need to come up with a new plan,’ Rick hissed in T-Dog’s ear.

T-Dog turned to look at him, then nodded. ‘We do, and I think I have a plan. I’m not sure if it will work though.’

‘I’m all ears,’ Rick said. The group agreed. ‘Well, we know those monsters down there aren't the brightest. From what I can tell just watching them up from here, they are pretty stupid. If they can’t get in somewhere, they just stand there and claw at whatever is preventing them from getting in. It shouldn’t be that hard to trick them.’

‘Trick them how?’ Jacqui asked.

‘By sound,’ Glenn answered at once. ‘Every time I come in here, I’m able to sneak by them by just throwing something at a different area. They always go over to where I threw the thingy, always.’

‘But what kind of sound can we make to lure them all away?’ Morales asked. ‘We know they can follow sound, that is how we are in the mess we are in now.’

‘By car,’ T-Dog reasoned. ‘However we get to the truck, I think some of us should stay here ready for the truck to come. At least two people should get to the truck and try to lure as many as they can away. Then one person jumps out, smash and steal a car. Hopefully it still runs and has an alarm. They use that car to lure more of them away, then the truck comes to pick the rest of us up.’

The group pondered silently on the plan.

‘That’s great and all, but how are we even going to get to the truck. No plan has legs until we get that part sorted,’ Andrea said.

‘That I’m stumped on,’ T-Dog admitted. ‘I really don’t know.’

Merle snorted. ‘I do.’

The group turned around. ‘You just need to let me go, and I’ll tell you.’

T-Dog cursed. ‘You must think we a bunch of stupid loons, Dixon. Why should we let you go, just for you to run your mouth and your gun.’

‘I ain’t got my rifle with me, man. Come on. I’m not crazy enough to want to die here. Just let me go and I’ll tell you.’

Rick looked at Merle. _I better not regret this._ ‘Dixon, I’m not going to let you out. _Now_ ,’ Rick said. ‘If you tell us a solid enough plan, I’ll unlock your cuffs personally and we can all get out of this together. But I need your word you are not stupid enough to try anything. You try anything, _anything,_ I will kill you.’

Merle shook his head. ‘You all crazy man. Why should I tell you anything?’

Rick walked up to him. Deliberately, slowly. It was a tactic he and Shane used a lot to intimidate their prisoners or would be prisoners.

‘Because I’m just a man, Dixon. Forget the uniform and badge. You’re right, there aren’t no rules anymore. Which means I will not hesitate to put one between your eyes. I’ve already killed before all this, don’t think I won’t hesitate to do so again. I’m just a man looking for his wife and son. Anybody who is going to get in the way of that is going to lose.’

The two men stared at one another. Something in Rick’s eyes must have told Merle he was serious, because he let out a big sigh. ‘Fine! I’ll tell you what you want to hear, but you better be serious man. I want your word.’

‘You have it.’

Sighing, Merle looked at the group with venom in his eyes before saying, ‘Me and my brother Daryl, we found this out entirely by accident. When it all started, we were running from some of the fuckers. We got cornered, and even to this day I still have no fucking clue how we got out of it. But we killed them all, covered in their guts and shit. I honestly think I was high, can’t tell you.

Anyway, we got out of that alleyway and we were so out of it we just walked straight into another crowd of them. Me and Daryl, we almost pissed ourselves. I’m pretty sure that pansy did, not me that’s for sure. But that is what happened. And we walked right through them as if it was nothin’.’

Andrea scoffed. ‘I don’t believe that.’ The rest of the group agreed, although Rick motioned for them to be silent. ‘Why did you think that happened?’ Rick asked.

‘You see those fuckers? They’re dumb fucks. But not dumb enough to tear each other apart, they always be able to tell us apart from them. I thought of that moment a lot, and I think it was the stink of us covered in all that blood and gore. I’ll be the first to tell you we don’t always have the best hygiene, my brother and I. But that is probably the worst I ever smelt, and it was what kept us alive. That’s just a theory of mine though.’

And with that he motioned for the cuffs. ‘Going to let me out now?’

Rick ignored him and got up. ‘Come with me,’ he motioned for the group to follow him down the stairs and they did. Merle cursed them out, crying that he had been betrayed.

‘You really just going to leave him?’ Glenn was asking in his ear. Rick shook his head. ‘No, but I don’t trust him for this.’

Back at the back of the store, Rick had Morales and T-Dog by his side. ‘Come and drag this body with me, Glenn you open the door and Andrea will be our lookout with your gun. We have nothing to lose if they are all out in this alleyway now, so you might as well shoot if need be.’

And so a quick, ‘one, two, three,’ the first step of the plan was executed flawlessly as Glenn opened the door swiftly. Rick, T-Dog and Morales quickly stepped out and grabbed the nearest body, Andrea covering them with a gun. They were lucky, for not one walker was in the alleyway.

And just like that the body was dragged in. Rick found himself panting, the weight of the body a burden.

Glenn quickly shut the door. ‘What are you doing Rick?’

‘I think Dixon is right,’ Rick said breathlessly. He told T-Dog and Morales to let go. The body fell to the ground with a _thud_.

‘Seriously?’ T-Dog asked. ‘I probably shouldn’t be telling you this since you’re a cop and everything, but I’ve been high as a kite before. Those Dixon brothers are always high. And when you’re high, you tend to imagine things.’

Rick shook his head. ‘We don’t have many options, and I don’t think he was tripping. He’s right enough about them not attacking one another. Any of you see any one of them do that?’

Silence as the group shook their head. ‘Exactly. Besides, we gotta try. I need that,’ Rick walked over to a fire axe hung up on the wall. He removed it and turned to the body.

The implication was clear. Glenn moaned softly, Jacqui turned to look away. Andrea screwed her face up.

‘Seriously?’ Morales asked. ‘You’re going to hell, brother.’

Rick grinned wryly. ‘Think I already am in it.’

And he swung his axe on the arm. F _uck, what the fuck did I just do? What is wrong with me?_ Yet he kept swinging and hacking like a man possessed. The group moaned in disgust as limbs came off. Blood splattered everywhere. Rick knew he looked a mess, he certainly smelled like one.

 _That’s the idea_. Finished, Rick looked at his handiwork. A thirty something man had just been hacked to pieces, and enough blood and gore to spread around himself. And he did so.

‘What kind of fucked up dream am I having?’ Rick found himself asking. He then bent down, and drenched his hands in blood and guts and wiped them all over his face.

The sight of Rick covering himself had Glenn puking, Jacqui went to rub his back and comfort him. ‘Let it all out sweetie.’

Andrea approached Rick. ‘T-Dog had the plan right, I think. About the truck and the car. But you need somebody to do this with you. Do you have somebody in mind or do you want a volunteer.’

Rick looked at each and every one member of the group, before he settled on Glenn. ‘I’m sorry to ask you to do this, Glenn. You’ve already done so much for me. But you said it yourself, you have had more experience in this city. I’m going to need to ask you to do this with me.’

Glenn groaned, but nodded. ‘Just give me a second. God, I hope you didn’t do this all for nothing.’

As Andrea, Jacqui and Morales helped Glenn cover up with blood and guts, Rick approached T-Dog and handed him the key.

‘Look, T-Dog right? I know you have every right to tell Merle to go to hell, with the way he treated you and everybody else on here. Truth is I wanted to do the same,’ Rick said. ‘But we can’t leave him here on this roof. I gave him my word. If me and Glenn pull this off, let him go. Do it at the last possible moment so he doesn’t have time to try anything.’

T-Dog looked at him, comprehending his words. Then he nodded.

‘I will let him go. But if he says anything, does anything, he is getting several beatings from me. I’ve put up with his kind my whole life. They aren’t going to keep getting away with it, not with the way things are now.’

Rick nodded. ‘That’s fair. Just be ready to be on the go.’

And after the covering up was done, Rick and Glenn stepped out of the shop. They both looked at one another, grotesque in their bloodied clothes covered and smeared with blood and guts. Rick held onto the axe for safe keeping.

‘Let’s do this,’ Rick whispered. Glenn nodded. They walked down the alley and into the city. Their pace came to a slow halt, and they found themselves face to face with what felt like hundreds of walkers in the street.

None of them paid any mind. Some stumbled by, and Rick tensed. He saw Glenn close his eyes tightly, but he nor Rick were disturbed by the walkers.

The plan worked. So far.

Rick nodded to Glenn, and they walked slowly but surely to the facility with the trucks. They passed by different types of walkers, all of whom did not notice they had intruders in their midst. They passed by businessmen, housewives, students and a whole variety of people who once had normal lives, now transformed into hungry monsters with no real thought of their own.

 _What the hell am I doing. I’m never going to see Lori and Carl again. Lori was right all those times in calling you reckless, you dumb bastard._ Judging by Glenn’s facial expressions, Rick knew the younger man was experiencing the same doubt flooding through his head.

Rick tensed as a walker brushed by him. A woman, she turned to look at him just for a second before moving on. With a quiet sigh of relief, Rick continued.

The day had been clear earlier with no hints of rain, now it was downright grey. Clouds that didn’t look so promising threatened to pour.

Rick looked up at the sky, then to his destination. They were so near now, him and Glenn. They just had to make it beyond the fence and everything would work out the way it was supposed to.

The rain started.

At first it was just a drizzle. Glenn looked at Rick in concern, but the two men pushed on slowly but surely. The walkers at first didn’t notice anything that was going on. _Why should they, after all? It’s just a little rain, a little rain ain’t hurt nobody before._ That is what his mother used to say. But the heavens seemed to open, and it poured.

Rick and Glenn kept moving, but he could hear the moans from the dead increasing in volume. A few were looking at them now, stopping as if to study an interesting sample in a lab. One walker near them screamed in its moans. The sound was inhuman, but Rick knew the gig was up. They had been exposed. The rain had washed away the smell.

Not even hesitating, Rick used his axe and whacked at the walker who jumped towards him. He struck his target dead. But the axe got stuck and fell with its new owner.

Rick and Glenn pushed on through the crowd, all of whom had their arms reached forward and trying to get a bite out of the feast that had landed in the middle of them. Rick and Glenn didn’t stop though, they were just a short jog away from the fence.

‘Go!’ Rick shouted. ‘Get on over, I’ll hold them off.’ Glenn didn’t need telling twice as he climbed the fence.

Rick quickly turned around, and shot his gun. One, two, three bullets. He hit two of his targets, but the beginning of their plan was already in effect. Just not the way they had pictured it.

 _Lure them all away from the shop. Come on now, you sons of bitches_. Rick turned around and climbed up the fence, a walker narrowly reached out and grabbed onto his boot. With a good kick, Rick managed to escape from his grasp and leapt on over the fence.

He saw Glenn running to a truck and smashing the window with his elbow. Attempting to do so anyway, the window did not crack.

‘Fuck!’ Glenn screamed. ‘I thought I could hot wire it!’ ‘No time,’ Rick said.

The walkers were all crowded at the fence now, desperately trying to get in like they had been with the doors at the shop. ‘There must be keys somewhere, let’s check.’

And so the two ran in different directions, hoping to find something, anything. Rick hoped they did not have to go into the building itself, he had a feeling they would be trapped if they did so.

‘Got it!’ Glenn screamed. Rick turned around, hardly daring to hope. Glenn was kneeling down over a dead man, knife in his head. A walker he hadn’t even seen. Glenn grabbed the knife and also the keys the walker had on him. ‘Let’s hope this is the one,’ Glenn said breathlessly as he handed Rick the keys.

*

T-Dog looked through binoculars at the facility. He saw the walkers, must have been at least fifty of them, surrounding the fences.

He also saw Rick and Glenn get into one of the trucks.

‘Fuck, they did it guys!’ He shouted. Morales whooped with joy and hugged both Andrea and Jacqui. T-Dog grinned. He had his doubts, but they managed to pull this off. _Can’t believe that mad cowboy pulled it off._

He examined the scene once again. With his drenched clothes, he had truly thought the plan had went to pot and that he was going to witness the officer and Glenn get eaten by the crowd when the rain had started. They all had.

And Merle had been laughing when it happened.

He felt his blood run cold then, and turned to look at the man. He was sulking being handcuffed to the pipe.

T-Dog felt his own keys in his pocket. Cool metal. Never thought I would be the one holding handcuff keys.

It was a surreal time. For the first time in his life, T-Dog felt like he had real power. The officer had entrusted him with the life of a man who had made his life hell from day one. Men like him were all one and the same.

‘Oh no!’ Andrea gasped. T-Dog realized he had lost focus, and turned to examine the scene. He gave a start when he realized the fence had fallen and the walkers were pouring in like a tsunami, one after the other all after the truck. The truck reversed, Rick being the driver. _C’mon, don’t let them get surrounded man. Don’t!_

Luckily for them all, the truck allowed space for the walkers to come at them. Then Rick drove at the last moment, managing to avoid the majority of them. Judging by the splatter of blood however, T-Dog guessed a couple hadn’t been so lucky. ‘They’re away,’ T-Dog tried to reassure the others. He felt like he was trying to assure himself.

‘Right, we should get a move on. Let’s hope they get here fast,’ Morales was saying. Andrea quickly grabbed a bag and they all went to flee downstairs.

‘Hey!’ Merle called out. T-Dog froze and turned around. ‘What bout me? That cop gave me his word, you ain’t just going to leave me?!’

T-Dog faintly heard Andrea screaming for him to come on, but the trio were already halfway down the staircase.

T-Dog felt the key in his pocket. An item that did not weigh anything at all, yet T-Dog felt like he would have had the entire world in the palm of his hand if he carried it now. He looked at Merle. He was cursing now, begging for him to hurry up so they could get all there.

_What should I do?_

He recalled days at camp, when Merle and his brother would make jokes and snigger every time he had walked past him. The beating Merle had given him, the slurs he had used against him and Jacqui, Morales too.

_Veronica would want you to leave him. Men like him are the reason why she is no longer here right now._

T-Dog closed his eyes and sighed. He opened them and looked at Merle, who acted king of the rooftops earlier that day and was now a pathetic squabbling mess.

‘You’re on your own,’ and T-Dog turned around and followed the rest. He did not close the door, nor did he make any attempt to take the key out of his pocket.

He was back in the store when he heard the glass shatter. He looked up and cursed as he saw what must have been hundreds of walkers pouring in, knocking over mannequins and other signs in their desperate attempt to get to human flesh.

‘Wait for me!’ T-Dog found himself shouting as he ran to the door to the back of the store. A couple of walkers were just inches away from him before he got in, and he quickly slammed the door shut.

It was not enough. Those walkers were behind the door now, slamming their body weight to get in. And more soon joined them, and T-Dog shook his head before running for the proper exit of the door. He got out, and Morales quickly slammed the door shut. They were all outside now, but there was no truck in evidence.

‘Oh god,’ Jacqui was panicking. ‘Oh my god!’

T-Dog looked at the alleyway and saw what she was panicking over. Several walkers had found them and were making their way.

Andrea aimed her gun, then hesitated. ‘I don’t want to shoot, it’ll bring them all down on us.’

‘Guys!’ Morales shouted. The walkers were behind the door of the store now, trying their best to get out. Morales was pushing against the door with his weight, trying to prevent it from happening.

T-Dog and Jacqui quickly joined him. Andrea focused her gun on the walkers approaching. 

The officer left us. I killed Merle over nothing, but it doesn’t matter! We’re all going to die anyway. 

Andrea went to fire her gun, and cursed as a small click was heard. The safety was on.

_Fuck! This is it. She has no idea what she is doing!_

T-Dog was not a religious man, but he found himself praying when he heard it. They all heard it. The sound of wheels squealing, then a sight that would convert him to religion came into vision.

The truck was reversing into the alleyway fast. The walkers were knocked down efficiently, and the cop leaned out the window.

‘Hurry!’ He was screaming. ‘Get in, get in!’

Andrea made the first move. She ran up to the back of the truck and opened the door. She jumped on, dropped the bag and turned around to hold her hand out. Morales motioned Jacqui to go first into the truck, and she quickly did.

The loss of one person holding the door shut made all the difference. The pressure from the other side just gave in, and the walkers beat them in the door shutting equivalent of tug of war.

T-Dog and Morales ran forward, not looking back as they were inches away from death. Jacqui and Andrea held out their hands and the two men gratefully accepted them, jumping into the truck as Rick drove off.

The streets were scattered here and there with walkers, and T-Dog shut the doors with a bang.

He vaguely thought he could hear screaming high up above in the clouds, perhaps from the rooftop that they had all just made their escape from.

He leaned back and closed his eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So there you have it, the first major change to the story of TWD. Some things will stay but expect characters to die sooner than they did in comic canon, or live longer. Merle dying at the rooftop was one of the first changes I had in mind. You will see how that effects the group in the next couple of chapters. 
> 
> I know T-Dog was said to be religious in the show, driving his own church van and everything (mentioned by Glenn after his death) but there will be some small (or big) changes to characters in this story too.
> 
> I did not feel comfortable in writing Merle's racist language, but that was who Merle was in the show and he needed to be again for my story. Anything I write in this story that is like that has no reflection of my own views and beliefs, I hope you all know that. 
> 
> I write all of this in Microsoft Word. What was a pain in the arse was copying it over here only to have to break up paragraphs, sentences and put thoughts in italics all over again because of the format of this site. I am not too happy with that tbh and I've sent an enquiry about it. I imported the first chapter from another site so I did not have to deal with that the first time. 
> 
> So far I'm happy with how the story is turning out, but what I'll be more happy if you leave any feedback. Positive or negative, I'm all ears. I know I'm not so good at descriptions but funnily enough I have a blast writing the dialogue between characters. It might be wooden but that seems to be the easiest part to me so far.


	3. Day 63-64

**Day63**

‘Hold still.’

‘Mom, I am,’ Carl said. He screwed his face up. ‘Don’t think I can’t see you,’ Lori said as she held him firmly with one hand. ‘You better watch what you say and do.’

‘Fine,’ Carl pouted as he observed the people in camp. Lori concentrated on cutting his hair. _Hasn’t been done in months, he needed this._ Shane had joked it was obvious his hair had been driving Lori crazy, so today was the day when she decided to do something about it.

‘You think it will rain again?’ Carl asked her now. ‘Don’t think so hon. It was on and off there, so even if it does rain again it probably won’t be for long.’

Carl was silent, and Lori continued cutting his hair. _Almost there._

‘Do you think Glenn and the rest will come back?’ Lori paused, unsure of how to proceed. With the scissors in hand, she examined the last bit of growth of Carl’s hair that needed cut. ‘I do, honey. Glenn always got in there and out, and now he has got so many people helping him this time round. They’ll all be fine.’ Lori finished snipping his hair.

‘I hope so.’

‘Well, that’s that done. See, it wasn’t so bad,’ Lori smiled as she removed the towel he had wrapped around him to catch the falling hair. She gave it a shake as Carl got up from his chair and stretched.

‘Can I go for a swim down at the lake?’ Carl asked her. Lori shook her head. ‘No can do. You can play with Sophia, Louis, and Eliza if you want to, so long as an adult can see you. But nobody is guarding the lake at the moment, I don’t want you out of eyesight. Do you hear me?’ Carl must have heard the warning tone in her voice because he quickly nodded. ‘Yes momma.’ Lori nodded, satisfied she had put her _mother_ voice to good work. ‘In fact, there’s Miranda with Louis and Eliza right now. Let’s go over and say hey to them.’

Mother and son passed the RV as they went to greet another family of the camp. Lori said her hellos to Dale, the owner of said RV as he watched over the camp with his rifle. ‘You good up there?’ She asked him, covering her eyes from the glare of the gun.

‘I’m more than good, Lori. I’ve never felt more alive,’ Dale laughed. ‘That rain earlier on was unexpected, but I haven’t had this much sun in years.’

‘Really?’ Lori was surprised. ‘I thought you were on a big trip around the country with your RV?’ Dale shrugged his shoulders. ‘Yeah, that’s right. But I had only just started when the shit the fan. Pardon my language, young man.’ Carl giggled. Lori shot both a warning glare, but she continued the conversation pleasantly enough. ‘Well, at least you are getting some sun now. I should go with the boy, nice talking to you Dale.’

‘And you too, ma’am.’

‘I like Dale,’ Carl said when they were out of earshot. ‘He’s a funny old man.’

‘He is,’ Lori said. Her thoughts were occupied not of Dale in the moment however, but rather of his plans to travel across the entire country. _He never got to follow through with them. None of us did. How soon do we have to keep waiting out in this camp, picking for mushrooms, and praying the military will be here any day now?_

‘Hey Lori,’ Miranda was saying now as she and her kids approached Lori and Carl. ‘How are you?’

‘I’m fine, thanks. You?’

‘Fine,’ Miranda smiled. Lori could tell it was forced. _She has such sad eyes, and not just because of today._ ‘Hey kids, why don’t you go over to the RV and play? Your mother and I need to talk,’ Lori said to the kids. Louis and Eliza eagerly agreed and the pair of them grabbed onto Carl’s hands and ran off to do what they were instructed to do. _Any excuse to play_ , Lori thought wryly. ‘You really okay?’

Miranda tried to smile, brushed an invisible tear away before shaking her head and mouthing, ‘no,’ silently. ‘Shh,’ Lori offered a hug to Miranda which she accepted eagerly like a dying man would take a drink. ‘It’s going to be okay. They haven’t been gone that long, not really.’

‘They have though,’ Miranda said. Her voice was more like a whisper. ‘They’ve been gone since this morning. It must be about four or five now. Glenn was never this late when he went alone.’

Lori shook her head. ‘That doesn’t mean anything Miranda. Glenn knows the city, he’s lived there. And one person can travel a lot faster than a group of them. You know that.’

‘Oh, I don’t know. I feel like in my gut something has just happened. I begged him, you know. The night before and this morning, I begged Morales not to go. When does he listen to me though? Never,’ Miranda laughed bitterly. ‘He _never_ listens. _’_

Lori felt slightly uncomfortable. _It’s not like I haven’t been in this same boat before_. ‘I know how you feel. Before all this, Rick was always away doing work,’ Lori said. Miranda looked at her, eyes glistening with tears. She had never talked about Rick this openly in camp. She felt his ring against her neck, tied by the necklace she wore. And her own wedding band on her finger. _I miss you._ ‘What helped me,’ Lori continued, ‘was just focusing on Carl, you know? It drove me crazy that he was out there doing late shifts. We are from a small town but he worked like he was in downtown Atlanta. It was just so crazy and unneeded, in my opinion anyway. I had to focus on raising Carl, just getting him through the day. It’s all I could do. And then he did always return home.’

 _Until one day he didn’t._ The memory of that day still stung like a wasp, not to mention the other day where she had to make the difficult decision of going to Atlanta or staying behind at King’s County. She did not feel it was wise to point this out to Miranda, however. She was in a terrible state without Lori lighting a match on the gasoline. ‘Maybe,’ Miranda tried to smile weakly. ‘I guess he has T-Dog with him too, they seemed to get on okay.’

‘Exactly,’ Lori smiled brightly. ‘Between T-Dog and Glenn, Morales is going to be just fine. So are Andrea and Jacqui too. And as much as I hate him, that Dixon probably can handle himself. If he isn’t shooting up dope or drinking squirrel piss anyway.’

This sent Miranda off in a laughing fit, and Lori joined in. It felt good to laugh. Lori felt like she hadn’t had a proper laugh in years now.

Shane was approaching them now, with Amy not far behind. Lori’s heart skipped a beat at the sight of him. He had his rugged trousers and boots on, his gold chain caught the glimmer of the sun. Almost at once the mood changed. She had felt on top of the world, now she felt like she was lower than a snake. _Please, Rick. Wherever you are, forgive me._

‘All good, ladies?’ Shane asked. Miranda, sensing the mood change in Lori, cleared her throat. ‘Yes, thank you. I’m just going to go check on the kids. Maybe try and pry Sophia away from that father of hers. Nice seeing you, Lori. And you too Shane.’

Lori watched her as she walked over to the kids, Shane by her side. Amy brushed past the pair of them, going over to Dale to have a talk about something. _Most probably about Andrea. Poor girl, she’s just as worried. But she won’t let it show._ ‘She okay?’ Lori asked Shane. He grunted. _No, then._ ‘I tried talking to her, but she ain’t convinced by what I had to say. She’s planning on heading out in an hour or so if they don’t come back within that time frame.’

‘What?!’ Lori was flabbergasted. ‘It’ll be dark soon. She can’t do that, it’s suicide.’

‘What do you think I tried to tell her? But she is as stubborn as that sister of hers, no telling her what to do.’ Lori pondered on his words as she observed the camp. Tents were crisscrossed here, there, and everywhere on the rocky ground of the quarry they had set camp in. A bunch of trees blocked their view on the city, and behind them was the gorgeous clear blue lake far down below.

‘How can we tell her no though?’ Lori looked into Shane’s eyes. Brown like her own. ‘We should try and stop her, but she’s her own person. We can’t just boss her about like she’s Carl.’

Shane kicked at a rock. ‘We can’t, no. Hopefully the old man talks her out of it. She’s getting upset right now.’ Lori looked over and saw that Shane was right. Amy looked flustered as she was talking to Dale, her face going red. Miranda looked worriedly over at the pair before going to see what the kids were doing, all three sitting on the ground and playing with rocks. She ushered them away from the scene.

‘Between you and me,’ Shane lowered his voice for her to hear. ‘I think they’re all done for.’ Lori drew in a breath. ‘You think so?’

Shane nodded. ‘It’s best to think like that, in these times. Ever since Rick, I’ve just kept trying to being practical about these kind of things.’ The mention of Rick made Lori look away from him. She heard him sighing, and she closed her own eyes.

‘We should stop, you know,’ Lori said. ‘I know.’

They watched on as Amy’s voice started to go louder, and just as she felt like she and Shane should step in and do something; they heard it. A sort of alarm was going off. _Wail, wail, wail._ The sound was unpleasant to the ears, and Lori felt as if a cold bucket of ice water had been poured all over her.

‘What the hell is going on,’ Shane said as he marched over to the road where the sound was coming from. Lori followed him, and that is when they both saw it. A red sports car, indicators flashing and the alarm going off. As the car neared, Lori saw that it was Glenn behind the wheel. _Oh god, what happened to the others?_

The car slowed down as it reached the camp. Dale and Amy approached to see the commotion as did Miranda and the kids. Lori also saw Jim from the corner of her eye, watching from a distance.

Glenn got out and put his hands up. ‘Can somebody shut this thing off? I’ve tried but-‘ he shrugged his shoulders. It was hard to hear him over the noise, but Shane had heard clearly and popped open the hood of the car.

Amy approached Glenn directly. ‘My sister, is she alright? Where are they?’

‘Yeah, where is everybody Glenn?’ Dale asked.

Shane managed to turn the alarm off, and peaceful silence settled over the camp. Lori felt her ears ringing a little. _That noise might bring more of them._ The thought gave Lori the jitters and she shivered as if she was cold. Carl walked over to the sight and instantly Lori held her hand out to him.

‘She’s okay, everybody’s okay,’ Glenn was saying. ‘We got into a bit of a jam, but there was this new guy who rescued us.’

‘New guy?’ Shane asked, eyebrows raised. ‘What new guy?’

‘Oh, dude. He’s like this cop or something just like you, he was like a fish out of water. No joke, shooting the place up like it was a shooting gallery. It brought the geeks all down on us, but to be fair to him he did manage to get us out. Dixon didn’t help though.’

‘There’s a surprise,’ Shane said. ‘I knew I shouldn’t have let him go with you. Where are the rest of you then, and this new guy if you all made it out?’

‘They were behind me in a truck, but I got this sports car and figured I push it to the limits. You only live once, you know?’ Glenn’s face turned a little pink.

‘It’s pretty irresponsible Glenn, don’t you think,’ Dale spoke up. ‘That noise going off and possibly attracting some of the monsters to us.’

Glenn turned even pinker.

Dale put Lori’s fears into words and made them all consider the implications of his actions. ‘I’m sorry, really. I have no excuse.’ There was silence then, before Amy went forward and hugged Glenn. ‘I’m glad you’re okay,’ she said. ‘Thanks for telling me about Andrea.’

Poor Glenn looks like a tomato. It was true. Lori didn’t think there was a shade of red that could describe Glenn’s face at the moment.

They heard something in the distance then, and all looked up. ‘That must be them,’ Glenn said, eager to change the subject. He was correct. Wheels on gravel, the truck made a less noisy but noisy nonetheless entrance.

Lori’s eyes widened as she saw who was behind the wheel. _I’m dreaming. I’ve got to be dreaming. Any moment now, I will wake up._ Shane turned to look at Lori himself, his mouth open. _Close it, you’ll catch flies._ The world seemed to spin around her. She couldn’t breathe. She could vaguely hear Carl telling her he was hurting her hand, and she let go. _He hasn’t seen yet._

Rick looked at her through the window, and his facial expression must have a perfect mirror of her own. Shock, disbelief, crying. ‘Mom, what’s going on?’ Carl was asking. Lori looked down at him, unsure of what to say.

The truck door opened and Rick stepped out. Carl looked to see who had left the truck first, and that is when his own world had been spun upside down. He instantly started crying. Lori tried to comfort him, but he was off running. ‘Dad!’ Carl was sobbing, and Rick was crying too. ‘Carl!’ Father and son hugged one another, Rick bending down to get Carl’s height.

Lori felt herself staggering slightly, unsure of herself. _This is a cruel dream. I’m going to wake up any minute now and he’s going to be gone again._ She walked forward, and Rick’s eyes met hers over Carl’s. And that is when Lori found herself running to Rick and joining in on the hug. Carl was stuck in the middle of them, but Lori held onto Rick tightly. As if there was nothing else in the world.

‘Oh god, is this real,’ Lori whispered. ‘It’s real,’ Rick said back. He looked at her, really looked at her. She felt his touch, and knew this wasn’t a dream.

All around them were other families reuniting. Louis and Eliza ran to Morales, who scooped both of them in a big gigantic hug. Andrea and Amy were crying as they held onto each other, Andrea stroking Amy’s hair as she tried to comfort her.

Shane approached their family, and Rick let go slightly to look at him. ‘Shane, you’re here too,’ Rick’s voice choked as he tried to hold in his tears. ‘I’m here,’ Shane said. He looked stunned himself like Lori, unable to comprehend what was happening. ‘You get Lori and Carl out of King’s County?’

Shane nodded. ‘Of course. Couldn’t leave them behind.’

‘Thank you, brother.’

‘Anytime. I’m so glad you made it back to us.’

Lori took in the exchange and looked at Shane. He was smiling, just as delighted that his brother in all but blood had indeed found his way to them. So happy had she been these last couple of minutes, Lori had forgotten what she and Shane had been doing since the world went to hell. _How can he smile? He told me Rick was dead. Why would he do that if he wasn’t dead?_

‘Hey,’ Rick was saying now. ‘Don’t cry, Lori. It’s going to be all okay. I’m here now. Everything will be fine.’

Lori wept harder.

**Night 63**

The day had been exhausting, and Rick found himself dozing off as he huddled around the fire with his family. Lori and Carl were in his arms, and Carl could not stop looking at him.

‘Don’t worry son, I’m not going anywhere,’ Rick tried to reassure him. Carl nodded, probably believing him but not willing to take the full leap of faith.

 _How did I get so lucky to find them? I can’t believe it._ He looked around the camp then. Most of them were all huddled near the fire. Andrea and Amy were excitedly chatting away, Glenn was making conversation with Dale and Jacqui. Morales was sipping a bottle of beer, Miranda had retired early with the kids for sleep. Shane approached from his lookout position, Jim having taken over for the hour. He had been told there was another family around, as well as Merle’s brother. So far he had not seen any sight of them yet.

 _Merle._ Rick looked over at T-Dog, who stared deep into the fire as if he were studying the very depths of the flames. He had hardly spoke much since their escape from the city, had only handled Rick back his key. The key was in the truck somewhere, he had no use for it now. But just merely remembering the damn thing got his heart pumping. Merle had been left behind on the rooftop of Atlanta, despite Rick’s promise that he would set him free once they got things figured out. Only it hadn’t turned out that way.

 _He’s probably dead now. He’s gotta be._ _But then again._ Picking up his own beer, Rick took a swallow and tried to brush away memories of loudmouthed racist rednecks. Yet he saw his face again and again, as if his own memories were fighting his urge to suppress them.

‘What’s bothering you, man?’ Shane asked. Rick glanced at T-dog again. He still hadn’t moved. Shaking his head, Rick said, ‘nothing. Just exhausted, that’s all.’

‘I bet,’ Shane said. ‘I still can’t believe you are here man. It’s crazy that you are, I thought you were dead.’

Rick ruffled Carl’s hair. ‘It’s going to take more than a coma and the end of the world to kill me, ain’t that right son.’

‘Yes dad.’

The group chuckled slightly, all barring T-Dog. Jacqui had noticed as well. ‘Is everything alright, T-Dog?’ ‘What?’ T-Dog looked away from the fire. ‘Sorry, I was just thinking.’

An awkward silence passed. Now everybody was most likely thinking about Merle.

‘Didn’t one of you say he had a brother?’ Rick asked. ‘Where is he? I haven’t seen him. Maybe we should tell him.’

Shane sighed. ‘He’s out hunting for food, that’s what he always does. He is not going to be happy when he finds out.’

‘I’m sorry, but Merle got what was coming to him,’ Andrea said. Everybody looked at her. ‘I’m not going to apologise for saying that. It’s true. That man was out of his head and nearly got us all killed. And as far as I’m concerned, a moment later and T-Dog would have died trying to get out of the shop. It was either him or a racist that tried to beat him up.’

‘No,’ T-Dog said. ‘I had the choice Andrea. I could have went and got him, I really wish I did now.’

Jacqui shook her head. ‘Andrea’s right, T. Isn’t she, Morales? Rick? You all saw what he was like. He would have killed us all with his behavior if we didn’t put a stop to it. The Lord only knows what would happen if he did come with us.’

‘But is that what we tell Daryl?’ Dale added his voice to the subject for the first time. ‘That it’s alright we abandoned your brother to the monsters?’

‘We could lie,’ Amy piped up. ‘Couldn’t we? Daryl doesn’t need to know the full truth.’ Andrea looked thoughtful. ‘I suppose we could, but it’s really T-Dog’s decision.’

‘We’re going to bed,’ Lori got up with Carl, both getting a goodnight kiss from Rick. ‘Say goodnight Carl.’ ‘Night.’ The group echoed their goodnights as mother and son left to the camp.

Rick watched them go, drinking in the sight of them just before they disappeared into the tent that he would be in just shortly. _I still feel like I’m in a dream. How could I find them in the middle of all this._

‘I think it’s a wrap for me too,’ Andrea said. ‘I’m beat.’ And just like that, one by one the group went to their tents until it was just Rick and Shane left. The fire crackled away, embers that illuminated the darkness. ‘What do you think? This Daryl going to be trouble?’ Rick asked.

‘He is,’ Shane said. Blunt and to the point, that was Shane since day one. It was a slice of familiarity that Rick grabbed with open arms.

Rick sighed. ‘I’ll talk to him. I think Andrea’s sister is right about lying. Merle would have killed T-Dog today if he had kept on battering him. I hate to think what this brother will do if he finds out the truth.’

‘Yeah, but something tells me he will see through it. That’s just the man he is, he acts dumb but I don’t think he is.’

Nodding slightly, Rick continued to stare in the fire. ‘That’s not the only thing,’ Shane leaned forward so he was sitting next to Rick. ‘Not all of us were out tonight celebrating your grand return.’

‘No?’

‘Nah. There’s this family. Husband, wife, little girl. The husband is the biggest asshole you’ll ever know, Rick. He beats his wife, she walks around with a black eye. I want to say something, do something about it. But with everything going on, I don’t know how I can sort a situation like that without beating the fuck out of him. You know how it was before. Women always went back to scumbags like that, and if they didn’t they still had to deal with them. Where could we relocate that wife and girl if it went too far?’

Rick indeed knew. He would never forget Cynthia Waters, a young woman with a bright future ahead of her. She had been afraid of her boyfriend, had reported him several times. It didn’t do her any good in the end.

‘I guess no matter what, some shit stays the same.’

‘True, brother. True.’

There was a comfortable silence between them, and Rick basked in it. _Just like old times. I needed this._ But soon it was time to go to his bed with his family, and Rick left Shane where he was. He walked into the tent and saw Carl sleeping soundly at the far end of the tent. He crept over and kissed him on the forehead. He was just about to turn to Lori when Carl opened his eyes.

‘Mom said you died,’ he whispered.

Rick paused, lost for words for a moment before finding them. ‘She had every reason to believe that,’ he said. ‘She’s tough, your mother. She had to get you to safety, and anybody would have thought I was dead in my situation.’

Carl processed his words in only the way a little boy can. ‘I guess so. Shane helped us too.’

Rick smiled slightly. ‘Your uncle Shane has always looked out for you. I’m beyond grateful he did. Now get some sleep Carl, we’ll talk plenty in the morning.'

Carl drifted off, and Rick approached his own bed. Lori looked at him, having overheard the whole conversation. She beckoned for him, and he hugged her. They lay there in silence, just taking each other in each other’s arms.

Judging Carl once again sound asleep by his snores, Lori made the first move.

‘I’m so sorry Rick. For everything.’

‘Hush,’ Rick brushed a string of hair behind her ear. ‘You’ve got nothing to be sorry for. You had to leave.’

‘No, it’s not that.’ Lori sat up and looked at him. ‘I’m sorry I was such a bitch to you, before all of this. Those things I said, I didn’t mean it. I swear. If I could take them all back I would.’

Rick looked down, remembering the spats they had. It had not been easy since Carl had started school between them. Without a boy to fully focus on, Lori had been left alone in a town where she had no friends, no family. And her husband was always away, hours spent fighting crime, risking his life and not spending them with his family. Rick shook his head.

‘You have nothing to be sorry about. I was the arsehole, you hear? Looking back I didn’t need to do all those hours. It’s insane, we were from a small town. Hardly downtown Atlanta or anything like that. It’ll be different this time, I mean it.’

‘You promise?’ Lori asked. Rick nodded. ‘I promise. I’m going to do everything I can to look after you and Carl.’

Lori lay back down and settled in Rick’s embrace.

‘How was it?’ She asked. ‘The house, I mean. You did go there, right?’ Rick thought back. It had felt like a million years ago since he had stumbled in his own house wearing a hospital gown, before he had been whacked in the head with a shovel by a boy not much older than Carl.

He snorted. Lori looked at him and he shook his head. ‘It’s fine,’ he said. He found himself about to get a fit of the giggles and tried his best to keep quiet. ‘What?’ Lori asked. She too got the giggles because of Rick, and the pair of them continued to laugh (but as quietly as they could. They did not want to wake Carl) for the next couple of minutes.

As the laughter died, Rick sighed and looked at the flap of the tent. ‘Our house is good. No photos though. Looters must have got them.’ He looked knowingly at her.

‘Oh, that reminds me,’ Lori said. ‘I grabbed all our photos when we left. I didn’t want to risk leaving them behind, I had no idea if we would go back or not.’ Rick nodded.

‘I figured. There was a man and his son. That’s what I was laughing at. They really helped me out, if it weren’t for them I would have died on the street. No joke. But the son hit me on the head with a shovel, he thought I was one of them.’ Lori looked at him. ‘Well, you are brain dead at the best of times.’ ‘Oy,’ Rick tickled into her hips.

‘Stop it,’ Lori giggled. ‘You’ll wake him.’ Rick only had eyes for Lori though, and he leaned in and kissed her in the mouth. She seemed to freeze at the touch of contact, before kissing him back.

They continued to kiss, the only people in the world.

**Day 64**

Rick awoke. He could hear movement beyond the tent, people talking and the faint sound of birds chirping away. He groaned as he stretched his arms and legs, grateful to be in a slightly warm bed.

He took in his surroundings, and his eyes settled on a pile of clothes left for him. On top of the white shirt was his wedding band, the gold reflecting the shine from the sun. He went to put his clothes on, but first he put the ring on in his finger.

 _I didn’t realise how naked I felt not wearing this._ He examined the ring, thinking about the day he and Lori had said their vows and made a commitment to love one another, for better or for worse, in sickness and in health.

‘I think we’re going to be okay,’ he muttered. After getting changed, Rick stepped out of the tent and came across a woman he hadn’t seen before. With a short hair do, she looked timid as she was ironing a set of clothes.

‘Not getting a break even at the end of the world?’ He asked her, smiling. The woman looked up, frightened. Then she smiled shyly. Rick’s heart felt stung at the very sight of her. Just like Cynthia. _This must be the abused wife._

‘No, I guess not. You must be Rick, right?’

‘That’s right,’ Rick said. ‘What’s your name?’

‘Carol.’

‘Well, it is nice to meet you Carol. I’m sorry I didn’t get to meet you the other night.’

‘Oh, I’m sorry about that. Sophia was tired, see. That’s my daughter. And my husband had a headache as well. I figured I would just stay with them, it’s no fun without your family around. You know?’

‘I see,’ Rick said. ‘Well, I better get going. It was nice to meet you Carol.’ ‘You too.’

Rick walked across the camp. Miranda passed by him and said her hellos, holding each of her child by hand. Rick nodded his head and he saw the person he wanted to meet. ‘Hey, T-Dog.’ T-Dog turned around. He had been sitting on the chair, rifle in hand on top of the RV. ‘Yeah, man?’ ‘Can I come up?’ ‘Sure. The little ladders are on the other side.’

Rick walked up the ladders and stood next to T-Dog as they examined the camp. Everybody was just minding their business, going here, there and everywhere. He saw Lori at a distance, chatting away with Jacqui, Andrea and Amy as they hung up clothes on the line they had strung up between trees.

‘You thought of what you want to say about Merle to his brother yet?’ Rick asked. T-Dog sighed and shifted, obviously uncomfortable with the topic.

‘Thought of it? That’s a laugh. I haven’t stopped thinking about it man. I was up all night.’ Rick suddenly felt shame, because all thoughts of Merle had drifted away the moment he was basking in the warmth of his family.

‘You know, he might still be alive,’ Rick said. T-Dog gave him a look that screamed _seriously._ Rick pushed on with his trail of thought. ‘No, hear me out. What are the odds they can get up the stairs. They can’t even open doors and they always seem to fall over themselves.’

‘Nah man,’ T-Dog shook his head. ‘I’ve seen them get up, back in my apartment block. Some things they can do, some things they can’t. Don’t know why that is and I don’t really care why, but they can definitely get upstairs. He’ll have been killed.’

‘But that doesn’t mean those ones did,’ Rick insisted. ‘From what you all said, they broke in and chased after you all running out. For all we know, they ignored the stairs entirely.’

‘I guess so,’ T-Dog didn’t sound impressed with his theory. ‘I heard screams though, from the rooftop when we escaped. I didn’t imagine that, just like you with your helicopter.’

‘That could have been him cursing you out,’ Rick insisted. ‘Really, we saw how he was going on in the roof. Of course he would have been screaming murder when he got left behind.’

‘I don’t know man, but look at that. Looks like Lori wants you for something.’ Rick looked over at Lori, who was motioning for him to come over. Rick nodded at her, said his goodbyes to T-Dog and got down from the RV. He got a view of the lake as he did so, and it was a stunning blue in the sunlight. It took his breath away.

‘What was that about?’ Lori asked before Rick kissed her. ‘I was just talking to him about Merle. He seems convinced that Merle is dead, but I think there’s still a chance he could still be alive.’ Lori looked at him, studied him really _. I know that look._ And he was correct.

Lori shook her head slightly. ‘You’re thinking of going back, aren’t you.’

‘We have to try,’ Rick insisted and Lori inhaled. She turned around to focus on the clothes she had been hanging on the line. ‘Look, Lori. I can’t live with having that man’s blood on my hands.’

Lori looked at him then. ‘How can you live walking out on your family again? You promised me, Rick. Last night, you promised it wasn’t going to happen again.’ Rick flushed and once again felt shame. She was correct and he knew it.

‘It’s not just that. Before, it didn’t really matter because you always came home,’ Lori was saying now as she hung up a pair of jeans. ‘Until one day you didn’t. And we had to leave you, thinking you were dead. Carl was heartbroken, Rick. He didn’t speak for days. We finally just got you, and now,’ Lori looked down. She looked like she was struggling not to cry. Rick went to approach her but she backed off. ‘I know what’s in that mind of yours, Rick,’ she said. She brushed away tears. ‘You’ll go, no matter what I say.’

‘Go where?’ Shane had approached them. Rick felt foolish; he hadn’t noticed him at all. Lori looked away, refusing to look at either of them. Rick found himself having to answer. ‘Back to Atlanta, to get Dixon.’

At this Shane whistled. ‘You serious? Oh my god, you are actually serious. Man, what the fuck is wrong with you?’

‘Nothing, Shane,’ Rick said. ‘It’s not just Dixon. I dropped a bag of guns I got from the station. Both bags actually. I don’t think I can get one of them, but I think I can get the other.’

‘Do you hear yourself man?’ Shane asked. ‘No really, listen to yourself. You barely got out of there alive the last time. You just got your wife and son back. Now you want to leave? If I didn’t love you I would knock some sense into you. I feel like I might need to anyway.’

There was a hushed silence then, as if all life at the camp had come to a sudden stop. Rick and Shane looked up, and both saw a lonesome figure approach from the woods. He was carrying a bag of squirrels, all deceased. Covered in muck and a little blood, he looked every bit Merle Dixon’s redneck brother.

‘You all back?’ Daryl Dixon grunted. ‘Where’s that brother of mine, he’s always first in line to take my food. I’m hoping for a change that he’s brought back something worthwhile.’

There continued to be silence, nobody quite sure on what to say. Daryl looked at them all and dropped the bag of squirrels. ‘What?’

Dale approached him. ‘Daryl, son. We need to talk.’

‘We don’t need to talk,’ Daryl crossed his arms. ‘Just give it to me straight. He dead?’

Another awkward silence. Rick saw Lori avert her eyes, and he looked at T-Dog on top of the RV. He had put down the rifle and was preparing to come down. ‘I-,’ Dale looked at the rest of the group for assistance. ‘It’s a simple enough question,’ Daryl snapped. ‘He dead or what?’

‘We don’t know,’ Dale settled. ‘Supposedly there was some trouble back in the city.’

Daryl seemed to shake, Rick didn’t know if it was from anger or pain at the news. ‘How did it happen? Those freaks get him?’

‘Yes,’ T-Dog said. Rick felt his heart race. He looked at Shane, who nodded slightly. Even now, they were officers of the force and ready to do their duty if need be. Daryl cursed. He rubbed his eyes viciously before looking at T-Dog. ‘You put an end to him?’ T-Dog sighed. ‘Not exactly. There wasn’t time. Listen, it’s my fault it happened.’

Daryl scoffed then. ‘Your fault how? Those things don’t care, they just eat whatever they get their hands on. No more your fault than me taking a shit in the morning cause of the shit we have to eat.’

‘He was handcuffed to a pipe. I had the keys, and I left him,’ T-Dog said. He looked at Daryl straight in the eye. The silence hung heavy as ever, not even Carol’s gasp at the truth coming out could take that away.

Daryl staggered back slightly, as if T-Dog’s words had dealt him a heavy blow. In a way, they had. ‘What!?’ His voice raised, Daryl pointed his finger at T-Dog. ‘What the fuck!? You cuffed him to a roof and left him to get eaten? What the fuck is wrong with you!?’

Before he could jump at T-Dog, which to Rick judging by his body stance he had been ready to do so, Rick and Shane both marched forward onto the scene and grabbed Daryl from behind. ‘Get the fuck off me!’ Daryl shouted as he struggled against their grasp, kicking wildly in his attempts to get to T-Dog, who just looked down at the ground. Rick got the impression he would have happily allowed Daryl to beat him into the ground, possibly kill him where he stood.

‘This isn’t going to solve anything,’ Shane was saying to Daryl. ‘Believe me, it ain’t.’

‘The hell it ain’t. You bastards always looked down on him, and me. And when the chance came to kill us off you took it. Why the fuck was he cuffed in the first place, huh?’

‘Listen,’ Rick cut through his rant. ‘Don’t jump to conclusions. He was cuffed, yes. He put everybody in danger. We were all in a panic trying to get out, we barely managed to get out ourselves. But he was on the roof, the walkers were downstairs. There’s a chance they just missed him entirely. There’s no way he died.’ Daryl looked at him from the corner of his eye. ‘Who even are you?’

‘I’m Rick. But Daryl, I promise I’m going to come back for him. I can’t live without checking. It would be my fault if he is dead, not T-Dog. I was the one who cuffed him to the pipe. It’s on me, and me alone. Got it?’

Daryl spat at Rick’s shoe. ‘That’s what I think about the lot of you. Let me go, I ain’t going to hurt any of you. Just tell me the building and I’ll go and get him. See if he is alive or dead. Either way, you ain’t seeing us again. You can all hunt for yourselves.’

Rick took in his words. ‘Let him go, Shane.’ Shane’s shook his head and mouthed, ‘no’, but Rick repeated himself. Shane sighed and let go, same time as Rick.

Daryl got up and brushed past them, stalking to the truck they had come in. ‘Who has the keys to this shit? Fuck it, I’ll use the Mercedes.’

‘Daryl, wait,’ Rick approached him. Daryl turned around and glared hatred at him. ‘You’ve got some balls, you know that? You kill my brother and expect us to just be all hunky dory with one another.’

‘Look,’ Rick put his hands up. ‘If anything happened to Merle, it’s on me. And you have every right to hate my guts for it. But I can’t let you go alone. We can all go in a group, it’s safer in numbers.’

Daryl laughed at this. ‘If you want to come, fine. But I’m splitting as soon as I know the building. I don’t want anything to do with any of y’all. You lucky I didn’t kill you or that bastard where you stood.’

Rick took in his words, and told him to wait where he was. He turned to face the group, all of whom looked worried. ‘You really aren’t thinking of going, are you dad?’ Carl asked. He looked wounded, and he was standing next to a little girl Rick hadn’t seen before. T _his must be Carol’s daughter._ Rick bent down on one knee to face him. ‘I have to, Carl. Hopefully I can save that man. What I did was wrong, I need to fix my mistake. And there’s guns too. With those guns I’ll be able to protect you and your mom better, you understand?’

Carl looked at him then nodded. Rick got up and looked at everybody. ‘I’m not going to ask anybody to come if they don’t want to. But Glenn, I feel like I need you. You know the city better than anybody.’

‘Oh man,’ Glenn said. He shook his head. ‘I don’t know. We know how things turned out last time we were in a group.’ Rick nodded. ‘That’s fine. Like I said, nobody needs to go if they don’t want to.’

‘No, it’s not that,’ Glenn insisted. ‘I’ll go with you. But we should do things my way this time. I want people to actually follow my lead, because to be honest it wasn’t just Rick and Merle that caused everything to go to pot. I just sneak in and out, but there wasn’t a lot of that.’

‘That’s fair,’ Rick said. T-Dog seemed to be staring at Daryl, then turned to face Rick. ‘I’ll go. I need to know, one way or another.’ Rick nodded. ‘I’m glad to have you with us, T-Dog.’

At this Daryl could be heard muttering. ‘You’re not taking anybody else,’ Shane said then. He had folded his arms, and judging by his stance Rick knew he was still wearing his officer cap. ‘Rick, you’re my brother and I couldn’t be more happier you are with us. But what you are doing is putting us all in danger, for something that quite frankly isn’t worth it. You are leaving us with fewer numbers. I’m not happy with that.’

‘Look, Shane,’ Rick tried to protest but Shane cut him off. ‘No, don’t. I think what you are doing is foolish, but I know you. You need to do this. So do it. Just make it worth it and return to your wife and son. Cause I will be there for them, but that shouldn’t be the case with you back now.’

And with that he walked away. Rick watched him, feeling a wave of hurt going through him. He turned to face Lori, who did look at him this time. She walked up to him and hugged him. Rick hesitated before hugging back. ‘Shane’s right. You have to do this or it would eat you up. But we need to have a talk about this, Rick. It can’t keep happening.’

Rick looked at her, saw the tears once again glistening in her eyes. ‘You’re right, Lori. I don’t know what is wrong with me, I should be putting you and Carl first.’

Lori smiled weakly. ‘You are, in your own way. Don’t think otherwise because I never thought you didn’t, not really. It’s just you look out for us in a way where you aren’t really there with us. I know that doesn’t make sense, but I think you know what I’m talking about.’

Rick looked at her, nodded and kissed her. She kissed back. ‘Now go,’ Lori said. ‘Go and do what you are going to do.’

*

Carl sat side by side with Sophia as they played with the rocks, picking one up and throwing them against the sand buckets.

‘You worried about your da?’ Sophia asked shyly. _She’s always shy, I don’t know why._ ‘Nah, not really,’ Carl answered as he picked up a rock and threw it against the bucket. He hit his target, but the bucket didn’t flip over like he had been expecting it to.

‘Why not? If it was my da I would be so scared.’

Carl shrugged. ‘I don’t know. He always comes back, I guess. Except that one time when he was in a bed sleeping, but then he came back yesterday. I think he’ll be back again.’

Sophia considered this as she picked up a rock herself and threw. She did not hit the bucket, not even close. Carl sniggered a little, and Sophia blushed. ‘Don’t be mean,’ she said. ‘I’m sorry,’ Carl said. He did try to stop smiling, and managed just slightly.

‘Hey, do you know where Louis and Eliza are? Why aren’t they with us?’

Now it was Sophia’s time to shrug. ‘I don’t know, I haven’t seen them. You know my da doesn’t want me to be hanging out with you all the time.’

‘Why,’ Carl shot up then. He felt hurt that an adult wanted to forbid him from talking to another kid. _It’s not like they don’t have plenty of adults to be friends with, why take away my friends?_ Sophia screwed her face up. ‘I don’t know. Him and my ma always argue about it. She says it’s okay, he says its not. Doesn’t want me to hang out where he can’t see me, but he always stays in his tent. It gets boring there.’

‘Your dad is right, you know.’

The voice caused them to jump, and Carl and Sophia quickly looked around. There was Jim towering over them, casting a shadow and hiding the sun away from them. They had forgotten Jim had been there, watching them as lookout.

‘You shouldn’t ever stay out of your parents sight, either of you,’ Jim continued. ‘I know I sound like a silly grown up. If my own parent or another adult tried to say that to me if I was your age, I would hate it so much. “You’re silly”, I would probably think. I wouldn’t be brave enough to say it out loud, mind you.’

Carl looked at Jim with awe. _How did he have the same thought I had?_

‘But kids, these days you need to have your parents watch over you. You just do. If you don’t, those monsters out there are going to get you and eat you. You hear me?’ His voice rose slightly at the end. Carl felt Sophia’s hand grab onto his own, and he held it tightly. ‘I’m not saying this to scare you, but if that is what it takes for you to listen then so be it. My own kids, they died in front of me.’

He looked down then, tears streaming down his cheeks. Carl felt himself crying too, and heard whimpering coming from Sophia. Jim brushed the tears away, his voice still shaky as he said, ‘You need to be grown up in this world. You’re playing with rocks as if you are still kids. You ain’t, hear me? We’ve all seen messed up shit, hell you probably saw the bombs drop on Atlanta. That’s the kind of fucked up world we are living in now. You need to step up if you want to stay alive, and first thing you do is make sure you never stay out of your parents’ sight. Not even for a second.’

‘I want my mommy,’ Sophia said. Carl eagerly agreed and he got up. ‘C’mon, Sophia.’ Carl and Sophia ran around Jim, who turned around and tried to grab them.

‘Hey!’ He shouted. Sophia screamed, which alerted the nearest adult who happened to be Jacqui. ‘Carl, Sophia!? What’s going on?’

Carl and Sophia hid behind her and Jacqui turned to face Jim, who looked at the three of them. He seemed lost somehow, as if he couldn’t recognise any of them.

‘Sharon, kids?’ Jim asked. His voice had dropped to a whisper. Jacqui hesitated, before saying, ‘kids, go back to camp. I’ll be right behind you. Jim, honey. You stay where you are. I’ll come back with Dale, we’ll get you in the RV. This sun is horrible today, the heat is killing me.’

Jim just shook his head and muttered under his breath. Jacqui turned around and ushered both Carl and Sophia away. ‘Is he okay?’ Carl asked. He hated feeling afraid, and he was frightened enough to say Jim had made him so.

‘He’s fine, honey,’ Jacqui said.

Carl didn’t quite believe her, however.

*

Lori looked out into the water. She absently touched her necklace, no longer carrying Rick’s wedding ring. She felt its absence, as much as she felt her own husband’s absence.

‘You not working with the ladies today?’ A voice she very much did not want to hear spoke up behind her.

Lori turned around to face him. Shane was facing her, grim. Out here alone, the charade had dropped. They could reveal themselves to one another truly, just like they had all those other times out alone in the woods.

‘I was going to, but Andrea told me to spend the day with Rick. Said I should celebrate,’ she scoffed. ‘This was before he went off again like he always does.’

Shane shook his head. ‘I can’t believe he did it. I mean, I’m not surprised. It’s who he is, he always has to save everybody else. But he just got back, he should be with you and Carl.’

Lori looked down at Shane’s boots. ‘Yeah, he should. But just so we are clear, Shane. I don’t want anything to do with you.’

Shane looked stunned. ‘What are you on about?’

‘Don’t play coy,’ Lori hissed. ‘You know what I’m on about. You told me he was dead, and he just drives into camp. Pretty impressive for a dead man.’ Shane exhaled. ‘Lori, I thought he was dead. I listened to his heart and everything, there was no beat. No pulse. I honestly thought he was dead. You have to believe me.’

‘Don’t,’ Lori shut her eyes. ‘Just stop lying to me Shane. It’s the worst thing you can do.’ She went to brush him aside and move forward, but Shane stepped in front of her. ‘Look, I knew we were over the moment I saw him. It kills me, it does kill me because we went through so much shit together. We saw Atlanta in flames. But he’s my brother, you’re his wife. I know it couldn’t work. But I don’t think I can handle it if you just treat me like I don’t exist.’

Lori looked into his eyes then, and she shook her head. ‘Listen, Shane. I can’t lie, it was nice to escape from it all. But you said it yourself. It can’t work. I can’t put on a front because I’m going to make things right with Rick. It needs to be different this time, for Carl’s sake it has to be.’

Shane let her go then. Lori turned to see if he was watching her go, but he was too busy staring over the lake. Lori continued on her path when she saw the women walking down the hill. Andrea, Amy and Carol were holding their baskets filled with clothes.

‘Hey Lori,’ Andrea said cheerily. Lori smiled as they all greeted one another. ‘Still want me to join in?’ Lori asked. ‘With Rick gone and all, I’m going to be doing nothing anyway.’

‘Don’t be silly. Take the day off, I can’t take that offer back now. Can I talk to you alone? Amy, go with Carol to the lake. This is grown up business.’

Amy scoffed. ‘You act like I’m four, not twenty four.’

‘Hmm, you’ll always be four to me little sis.’ Amy groaned and Carol smiled as she led the younger woman to the lake.

Lori looked at Andrea expectedly, wondering what she was going to say. ‘Jacqui was going to help us out too, but something happened up in camp with Jim,’ Andrea said. ‘I don’t want you to worry, but it had something to do with Carl and Sophia.’

‘What?! What happened? Why isn’t Carol with them now?’

Andrea shrugged. ‘I don’t know what happened, but Jacqui said it wasn’t serious. Just that you needed to be up there. We didn’t tell Carol because, well this is one of the rare times we actually get to see her. You know she would bring Sophia back to that arsehole, and the more time away from that monster the better if you ask me.’

Lori took in her words and agreed. ‘Thanks for letting me know. I better get going and see what’s going on.’

*

It had been an uncomfortable silence that had plagued them from the camp to the city. Rick had attempted to concentrate on the sights they had passed, with T-Dog driving by his side. Trees and the occasional walker wandering towards their camp had him on edge. As did the man behind them in the truck.

_Poor Glenn has to put up with him._

It had been better that way, although he didn’t want to see it in that way at first. ‘I should be the one,’ he had said to Glenn before they had begun their drive back to the city of the dead. ‘I can deal with him.’

But Glenn had refused, and Rick saw the logic in it. ‘He also wouldn’t want to be cooped up with the dude that handcuffed his brother in the first place.’ _Smart kid, that Glenn. I owe him my life._

Glenn and Daryl were currently at the back of the truck. There wasn’t even a small window that could exist as a barrier between the front and back, a metal wall stood between driver and back passengers. It was also sound proof. Rick hadn’t heard a peep from the group when he drove them out of Atlanta, not one sound. _Must be some sort of bank or prison truck with sound proofing, has to be_.

Whatever the reasoning for it, Rick was thankful for it. He could talk to T-Dog in peace about the situation they were in. ‘What are you thinking?’ Rick asked. T-Dog grunted, hands on the steering wheel and focused on the road ahead.

‘About?’

‘Merle and Daryl, what else?’

More silence. Rick considered abandoning all pretence of conversation altogether. _But this is important. All our lives can be at stake if the wrong move is made. If the wrong word is said._

‘We need to talk about it, you know,’ Rick pushed on. ‘It can’t be the elephant in the room. I know you think there’s a good chance he’s dead. I hate to say it but I think there’s a chance too. But we need to find out for sure and with his brother with us? We need to talk about how to handle it.’

‘That’s a funny one,’ T-Dog said. ‘You cops are meant to be all talk and know how to handle everything. Uphold the law and shit. You cuffed the man in the first place, you made the decision on how we handled it.’

The city loomed ahead. Rick felt dread once again at the sight, even with company. Just the thought of thousands upon thousands of walkers, all packed together in a city starving for human flesh and determined to get it was enough to make him consider packing the whole thing up. Shane was right, he was a pack of shit not worth saving. _Just like I am the pack of shit who has up and left his family once again to do a job_. The last thought stung. He heard Carl insisting that he didn’t want to go, saw Lori’s heartbreak and reluctance as she let him go to do the job he loved best: being a police officer, helping others in need. Nothing had changed, not really.

Rick sighed as T-Dog got on the highway. ‘How do you think they’re getting on back there?’ Rick asked. He didn’t expect an answer, so it was a surprise when T-Dog answered.

‘I think they’re okay. Glenn can handle himself, he’s a lot tougher than he looks. And Daryl, he is the better brother than Merle. Still racist as hell but he did hunt for the camp at least like Glenn scavenges the city for us. I don’t think he’ll hurt him.’

‘That makes sense,’ Rick said. ‘You thinking of just driving straight to the store?’

‘Hell no,’ T-Dog said. He chuckled. ‘Man, Officer. You really were just born yesterday, give or take a couple of days. We risk getting boxed in if we do that, again. Didn’t that happen to you straight away?’

‘Yeah it did,’ Rick said. He reddened slightly. ‘You’re right enough though. I feel like I’ve been making fuck up after fuck up ever since I woke up.’

‘It’s only human,’ T-Dog shrugged his shoulders. ‘We all make fuck ups. Just promise me you won’t make fuck ups that cost you your life, you hear? Your wife was already a widow once, don’t let her become one again.’

‘I won’t,’ Rick said.

‘Promise?’

‘Promise.’

T-Dog parked the truck at a car park with a fence around it barring entry and exit. Barring the walker behind the fence there was no sign of immediate danger. ‘Let’s get the two of them,’ T-Dog muttered. He went to go to open the truck doors when they were opened by Daryl, who jumped down and paced to Rick, ignoring T-Dog entirely.

‘Where the hell is this place?’ Daryl said. ‘Forget about those bag of guns you were going to get, you can worry about them later once we pick up Merle.’

‘I actually don’t know, Glenn has more of a idea than me.’ Daryl looked at Rick. If Rick hadn’t been an officer of the law for the past decade or so, he would have been intimidated. Instead he stared him down. Daryl was the first to walk away, cursing under his breath.

‘C’mon china doll, you know the way,’ Daryl said. ‘Lead on.’

Glenn looked at Rick, who nodded back. Glenn looked as if he would be rather anywhere else but here. _Which is a feeling I think we all share._

‘Okay, where are we?’ Glenn asked himself as he looked around. Spotting a sign, he nodded. ‘Right, we actually aren’t that far off it. Maybe a half hour’s walk? With any luck we get there no problem. I’m banking on us drawing all those walkers away with the noise making it a lot more clearer for us to go in and out.

’ ‘Right, you heard the man,’ Rick directed his gaze at Daryl. ‘Half hour’s walk. You think you can manage that without losing your cool at us?’ Daryl scoffed.

‘Whatever, I’m just here for Merle. After this, I swear to you we are done with your fucked up crew back at camp. Ain’t none of you gonna make it the way you’re carrying on.’ And just like that he was off, angrily indicating Glenn to speed it up. Glenn shrugged helplessly but did indeed run out so he could be in the lead, indicating Rick and T-Dog to catch up. Rick and T-Dog walked just behind Daryl, both men unsure of how their futures would look in an hours’ time.

*

Andrea scrubbed away at the clothes, her hands blistering against the hot water. Amy and Carol were besides her, all three women just concentrated on their job.

She looked up to over the lake, where Shane seemed lost in thought staring into the blue water. _I wonder what’s up with him?_ She did recollect that Lori had just crossed paths with her when they were coming down. Perhaps something had went down between them, although Andrea didn’t know what. _Not like it’s any of my business anyway. It’ll be about that Rick guy leaving to go get that scumbag._

‘So what do you all think of the new guy?’ Andrea asked conversationally. She kept scrubbing away. ‘I think he’s nice, and kind of cute,’ Amy said. Andrea rolled her eyes. ‘What? Amy asked. ‘You and boys, or men should I say in this case,’ Andrea replied.

A scoff escaped Amy as she threw a towel at her, but she laughed as she went to pick it up. ‘I think he’s a good man,’ Carol said. She was looking down at the water as she said it, not fully looking either sister in the eye. ‘He has to be, going back to save Merle in the way he is.’

‘Yeah, that’s true,’ Andrea said. ‘I’ll confess, I wanted to leave that son of a bitch behind. Pardon my language, but the way he went on in that rooftop was completely unacceptable. If I could have docked him, I would have.’

‘Oh stop,’ Amy said laughing. Carol had a small smile too. ‘What? I’m being serious!?’ Andrea said.

‘What are you laughing at?’ ‘It’s just, I don’t know,’ Amy said. ‘It’s you, Andrea. Don’t get me wrong, I love you for this. But you can’t just say whatever you feel out loud, even if you do mean it.’ Andrea couldn’t believe what she was hearing.

‘Amy, who raised you? Because it sure as hell not the dad and mom I had. I’ve been speaking out against arseholes like that my entire life, hell my entire career.’ Amy looked down and mumbled. ‘I’m sorry, I didn’t quite catch that,’ Andrea said. Carol was no longer smiling, focused on her work.

Amy looked up. ‘I said, I wouldn’t know. You never were at home, Andrea. I’m sorry you didn’t get to raise me to be like you, but it’s just not the way I am. And like I said, I don’t love you any less for speaking your mind. It’s something I wish I had done more often, especially at school. I wish I never said anything now.’

Andrea sighed. ‘I’m sorry, kiddo. And you too Carol. You shouldn’t witness our squabbles.’ Carol shrugged, her shyness speaking for her. ‘But ladies, let me give each of you a piece of advice. Never let a man talk down to you like you are nothing.’ Andrea directed her gaze at Carol who looked away. ‘Never let him change who you are either. We need to speak up more often otherwise they get away with it, and it’s not right. And trust me, if you ever need help just ask me. I’ll sort him out.’ The awkwardness could be felt after her speech, and Andrea blushed a little. ‘Did I go too far?’

Amy shook her head. ‘No, I know what you mean.’ Looking into Amy’s eyes, Andrea knew she had caught the hint. Will Carol come to me for help? She looked over at Carol too, who just nodded and continued doing her chores.

Before she could speak up, she saw a figure coming down the hill. ‘Oh look, it’s Jacqui,’ Andrea pointed out. The three women greeted Jacqui as she approached.

‘I’m back on duty it seems,’ Jacqui said in that crispy business no nonsense tone that she had. Andrea wondered perhaps if she sounded like this too, if not in her personal life then surely at the courthouse. ‘I cant abandon my responsibilities, even if I hate doing the washing.’

‘That’s fine,’ Andrea said. ‘Is everything okay up there?’ ‘It’s fine,’ Jacqui said as she got down to business. Then she sighed. ‘Actually, I guess it’s not. Any of you heard about Jim?’

‘Just what you told me, that there was something between him and Carl?’ Andrea shot Jacqui a look and the latter nodded, understanding there was to be no mention of Sophia. ‘Yeah, it seems like he freaked the poor kid out. Going on about his dead family and such,’ Jacqui found herself looking into the distance. Shane was still standing there, oblivious to the women across the lake from him. ‘I’m going to check on him after we’re done this. It’s a shame, you know? I don’t think it’s his fault, but we can’t expose the kids to this.’

‘You’re right,’ Carol spoke up. She seemed surprised that she had herself. ‘I don’t want Sophia to experience any of this. I think me and Ed have been lucky though so far. Outside of the bombings she hasn’t seen anything horrible yet.’

 _It’s not my place to comment._ Andrea herself had the opposite view, but she wasn’t a parent. Neither was Jacqui but she was not disagreeing with a mother, a battered mother nonetheless. _Amy’s right too. I need to shut my mouth more._ There was a temptation to speak, but she let the moment pass and they all continued to work on.

‘You know, why doesn’t that Shane come over and help us,’ Jacqui spoke to kill the silence. ‘He’s just standing there, he should at least do something to earn his keep.’

‘He does,’ Amy pointed out. ‘He’s on lookout duty all the time and most of the weapons we have are thanks to him.’ Jacqui laughed. ‘I mean real work, am I right Andrea? Carol? We women are still washing these clothes Amy like it’s the 1950’s, and the men are allergic to the concept of having to cook and clean.’ Andrea laughed too. ‘You’re preaching to the choir. I’m sick of doing them. C’mon Amy, you can’t tell me you don’t agree.’

‘No, I guess I do,’ Amy said. ‘I never really thought about it that way until just now though.’

Carol looked around, as if expecting something behind her to grab at her for considering speaking out. _Or someone,_ Andrea thought darkly. ‘It’s not all bad. Gets us away to talk about the gossip.’ Andrea perked up. ‘Now that is what I’m talking about, Carol. This is the one stereotype men paint against us that I’m all too happy to indulge in. I can’t resist a bit of gossip.’

‘But what can we talk about, really?’ Amy asked. ‘Other than Shane looking like a lost puppy.’ ‘Oh, I don’t know,’ Andrea said in a sing song voice. ‘How about when a little birdy told me you hugged Glenn when he came back into camp.’

‘What!?’ Amy blushed scarlet, and the other women including Carol laughed. ‘Who told you that?’

‘A lady never tells,’ Andrea said. ‘When am I going to hear wedding bells?’

‘Stop!’ Amy hid her face. ‘I was just happy you were alive, that’s all.’

‘Yeah, that’s just what it was. I don’t doubt it for a second honey, but tell me you didn’t feel something for that cute boy hugging you and I will call you a liar,’ Jacqui said. Amy shrugged her shoulders then. ‘I guess he is cute.’

‘There, I knew it!’ Andrea shouted. ‘You could never get anything past your big sis.’ ‘I should hope not, you are a lawyer after all. Or were, I don’t know.’ The woman found themselves laughing and talking excitedly away now, the time passing by quickly as Andrea lost herself in the mindless world of small talk. She didn’t notice the presence of a figure approaching, but she felt his shadow hanging over them all as his puff of smoke breathed all over them.

‘What you ladies chatting about?’ Ed’s voice was gruff, beady little eyes swarming all over. His presence killed their world of small talk and now there was only silence. Carol looked down at her clothes she was washing and scrubbed at a stain, not willing to look up. ‘Just swapping war stories Ed,’ Andrea said. Ed grunted, rolled his eyes and continued to puff, puff, puff.

After a minute, Andrea spoke up. ‘You mind?’ Amy shot Andrea a warning look, but Andrea continued on. ‘We’re trying to work here, and you’ve got that smoke all around us.’

‘Work, is that what you call it?’ Another puff.

‘Yes, work. You know, you are welcome to try it yourself someday. You might contribute something useful to the camp by doing so, you never know.’

Ed shook his head. ‘You think I don’t contribute. Fuck you, missy.’ Andrea scoffed and looked at Jacqui, who shook her head in disgust. ‘Excuse me?’

‘I don’t have to listen to you. C’mon, woman. Let’s go,’ Ed went and grabbed Carol tightly by the shoulder. She looked up at him meekly, nodded and went to follow him. She did not look back.

The very sight enraged Andrea. _To see somebody be so awful to somebody else, never mind a husband to his own wife._ She knew Amy was embarrassed by her conviction in speaking out, but this was not something she could hold back on. ‘Carol, you don’t have to go with him. Remember what I said? Stay back here with us?’

‘She wants to come with me,’ Ed growled. ‘What, so she could show up later with fresh bruises Ed?’ Jacqui said. With another voice keeping her company, Andrea knew this was going to make or break in helping Carol. It’s all come down to this. ‘Fuck the lot of you. C’mon woman,’ Ed’s grip seemed to tighten on Carol’s arm. She let out a weak cry, hurt by the pressure.

‘Let her go,’ Amy’s voice surprised Andrea, but in a good way. ‘Come on, Carol.’ She reached forward to grab Carol herself, and Andrea’s heart raced. _Wait, do_ \- Ed slapped the arm away, and Andrea found her fear replaced with fury. ‘What the fuck is wrong with you!’ She shouted.

Without blinking an eye, Ed slapped Carol in the face and with her arm in his hand he dragged her away from the women. Andrea turned around helplessly, unsure if to try and stop Ed dragging Carol away to her doom or go and comfort her sister who was being checked by from Jacqui. Her answer came in the form of Shane. She had forgotten about him entirely when he passed by in a blur, and the next thing she knew Ed was on the ground and Shane was on top. His fist connected with Ed’s face repeatedly.

The whack, whack, whack noise was sickening, yet oddly satisfying to Andrea’s ears. She looked on as Shane continued to punch Ed. Carol was screaming bloody murder, and now both Jacqui and Amy were trying to keep her from jumping onto the scene. Andrea just stared, unable to comprehend what she was witnessing. _This is going too far._ Red blood like paint pooled over the rocky sand. _It_ _’s what he deserves. But this is too, uncivilized._

‘I’ll beat you to death Ed, if you ever touch your wife or your daughter or anybody in this camp again. You hear me, you sick son of a bitch? You fucking hear me?’ And just like that Shane threw another punch. Ed moaned, and there was an audible noise like a bone cracking. Shane stood up, and he staggered backwards. It was as if he had not been in control during the brutal beatdown and only now was he behind the driving wheel.

He looked at her, sweat ringing down his face and shirt. Both stared at one another what felt like eternity, as Carol rushed to her husband and sobbing his name and cradling him and Jacqui rushed to help Carol and Amy looked at Andrea, unsure of what to do. Shane broke eye contact first, looked everywhere bar the people around him. He mumbled something, Andrea didn’t hear.

Then he was off, leaving behind a broken body and Carol’s tears.

*

They were in the building now. The mannequins had fallen in the chaos and laid scattered, separated limbs and torsos here, there and everywhere. The glass windows had completely shattered, allowing the horde to have completely pushed themselves into the store and made a ruin of the department store in their desperate attempt to get to the group.

Three walkers were still in the store. Rick had learnt his lesson from the other day and didn’t pull the trigger. Instead, Daryl dispatched each walker with his crossbow. Every arrow he fired into the back of the walker’s head, he pulled out effortlessly. ‘Up these stairs?’ He asked. Rick nodded. He shot an uneasy look at Glenn, who looked sick. T-Dog looked even worse, but Rick suspected he out of everybody besides Daryl was determined in finding out what had happened to Merle Dixon.

The four men went up the stairs, cautious yet a spring in their footsteps suggested eagerness to get their task at hand done. As they neared the top, they saw the sun’s shine on the wall before they saw the door itself. The door was covered in bloody handprints. Rick could have sworn it was white before, but it was covered in red now.

‘No,’ Daryl whispered. Then, ‘no, no, no.’ He ran forward, Rick and Glenn after him. T-Dog was the last to enter the roof.

What they saw is what they had all expected, even Rick deep down. Several walkers stumbled upon here on the roof and made a feast out of the man handcuffed to a pipe. All that was left was a torn apart corpse, still chained to the pipe.

The corpse itself was still alive, and his eyes sought out the living. Merle Dixon snarled, desperate to get to his food. His noise attracted the other walkers still on the roof. Daryl let out a wordless roar before aiming his crossbow and firing. Rick, Glenn and T-Dog also dispatched the walkers near them.

Once it was over, Daryl collapsed by his brother and cried. Rick found he couldn’t look away. _I did this. Me._ He looked at T-Dog, who stared at Daryl. Rick found he couldn’t read the man or know what he was really thinking.

After what seemed like eternity, Daryl grabbed his crossbow and fired once again, this time finishing his brother’s life for good. And before Rick could consider on what to say, because what could I say if I caused this, Daryl aimed his crossbow at T-Dog.

‘You did this,’ his voice was filled with loathing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was far more dialogue driven than the first two chapters. I don't know if that is a good thing or not, I'll leave it up to you the readers to decide. I do find dialogue easier than set pieces though but I'll need to try and find a balance. 
> 
> You'll see I have the same general scene play out but the characters have slightly different conversations, such as the women gossiping at the lake instead of joking about the vibrators. This is merely because I think it would be boring if I copied every line of dialogue, but it is my fear that some people might already find it boring because it's following the same basic paths so far. However, these conversations will add to something to the characters. You can bet on it, even the ones who did not get fleshed out as much in the show like Jacqui and Morales, his family and T-Dog. 
> 
> Just to point out as well: some character ages are played about with. Andrea was 36 in the show and I've kept her that age for this, but Carl was 7/8 at the start in the comics and I've made him that age here. You'll see a lot of stuff like that as the story goes on. In particular I'm going to have a lot of fun with how I portray the Greene family and the elements that were present for them, both in the show and comics.


	4. Day 64 - Night 64

T-Dog raised his hands in the air, looking at the crossbow aimed between his eyes. He did not back down from the man swearing vengeance on him, and even though sweat trickled down from his face it was due to the heat of the climate rather than the fear of the situation he was in.

‘I’m going to kill you. You stupid fucking nigger, I’m going to kill you.’

T-Dog narrowed his eyes. _That fucking word._ Still, he was in no position to do anything about it. Not if he wanted the crossbow to fire and put a bolt in-between his eyes.

He had found over the years that some situations called for silence. He guessed this might have been one of those situations once again. _Fuck, my whole life is that situation._

Just as quick as Daryl made his hatred known, Rick had aimed his own gun and pointed it at Daryl’s head. Out of the corner of his eye, T-Dog saw Glenn’s panicked expression as the reality of their situation must have hit him hard.

‘Let him go,’ Rick said. ‘Let him go, or I won’t hesitate in pulling this trigger and attracting every son of a bitch walker here for miles.’

Daryl spat. The saliva hit T-Dog on the face. He glared at the man before him. _Go on then. Kill me, you son of a bitch. Cause I’ll kill you if you don’t. I already did your brother in, nothing will stop me from doing the same to you._

‘You won’t,’ Daryl said. His eyes never left T-Dog, never bothered looking at Rick. ‘For the reason you just said. ‘Bring all them sons of bitches up here like it’s a firework show.’

Rick chuckled slightly. The laugh had an edge to it, like a blunt instrument. ‘We already got out once before, we’ll do it again. Now I won’t repeat myself after this sentence, drop the goddamn gun now.’

Daryl closed his eyes, weighed down by the burden of considering his options. T-Dog looked at the crossbow and felt tempted to wrestle it from his enemy’s hands. _I can’t, worst thing can happen is I end up shooting myself or the cop or Glenn._

Instead T-Dog waited to see what his fate would be. He found that he was not afraid. He had been waiting for a moment like this for his entire life. He found that thought pitiful, sad really. But he made the best with what he had, always did even when things were at his lowest.

_I’m coming Ronnie, I’m coming._

Instead, Daryl lowered the crossbow with a curse. Rick lowered the gun and placed it back in his holster. Daryl looked at the trio in turn.

‘I’m not going back to camp,’ he said. ‘Nothing for me there now. I said I wasn’t going to hurt any of y’all and I guess I mean that, but best stay out of my way in future. I never want to see any of your faces again.’

And just like that he was off, away from their lives as he marched from the roof and out of sight.

There was a moment’s silence. Rick looked at T-Dog who looked back. Glenn was breathing heavy, as if he had been the one caught at arrowpoint or deciding if he was going to kill a man in that second and risk exposing them all.

‘That was intense,’ Glenn said. ‘Really, I thought you were all goners.’

‘Me too,’ T-Dog said. He looked at the ruin of Merle’s corpse then. His body had been left behind by his brother, left for the crows to feast upon and to decompose in the Georgia heat. His entrails had been pulled out and left like spaghetti on a plate. T-Dog saw Veronica then, her white dress stained in blood. He always saw her.

Now he saw Merle too. Merle, who he had left the door open for all the walkers to come and find.

 _Did he deserve what I left him to? What I just put his brother through._ Shaking his thoughts, T-Dog looked at Rick who was looking at him. After a moment, Rick asked, ‘you okay?’

‘Never better,’ T-Dog said. He averted looking at Merle’s corpse. ‘Where did you say this bag was.’

‘Just at the tank,’ Rick replied. ‘I had two, but the first one I lost in the middle of the horde. The second bag was nearer the tank, when I got booted from Jackie.’

‘Jacqui?’ Glenn asked. ‘Jacqui from the camp?’

‘No, it’s uh, a name I gave for the horse coming up here,’ Rick said. He chuckled slightly. ‘I guess it’s a funny coincidence I ended up running into a woman called Jacqui too. If I had known, I wouldn’t have called the horse that name.’

T-Dog listened in to the conversation, taking in every word but not really engaging. Instead all he heard was Merle’s shouts and rants as he was left to his fate. And Veronica, her head rolled slightly downward as she took in her last breath.

‘Anyway, the bag should still be there. We could sneak to the alleyway, quickly grab the bag and be on our way.’

‘No,’ Glenn said. ‘What you mean is that I sneak to the alleyway, grab the bag and be on my way to you. No offence dude, I think you handle a lot of shit brilliantly. What you did with Daryl, that could have ended so very badly. But I’m not going to let you attract the geeks to us, that’s your biggest downfall.’

‘You’re never going to let me live that down, are you?’ Rick asked.

‘Nope,’ Glenn said cheerfully. ‘So is it a plan or what?’

Rick nodded. ‘We’ll help you to the alleyway and wait there, but you can go out to the street yourself if that is what you wish. You okay, T? You fine with this.’

T-Dog blinked, trying to get back in the moment. ‘Yeah, I’m cool with it. Let’s go.’ But his insides felt like lava, like somebody was hurting him from the inside and twisting the knife. All he could think of was the dead people in his life. The blood on his hands.

‘Wait a second, Glenn,’ Rick said as Glenn went to move down the stairs. He approached T-Dog who looked at him wearily. ‘You okay man?’ Rick asked.

‘Are you?’ T-Dog asked back. ‘Merle’s dead, Rick. We killed him.’

Rick shook his head. ‘No, we didn’t T. I hate that we couldn’t save him, but I’m not going to lose sleep over it and you shouldn’t either. We were all in a panic trying to get out of here. I made things hopeless, sure. Merle there made things a whole lot worse. Just think of Glenn, T-Dog. Andrea, Jacqui, Morales. Merle put all of their lives, our lives in danger. We did what we could to get out. Nothing more.

’ T-Dog took in his words, and let out a soft whistle. ‘You’re cold as ice.’

‘Nah,’ Rick shook his head. ‘I’m not. All I am is being realistic. I get why its hard for you, but we did what he had to do to keep ahead. And with how everything panned out, I think one wrong move would have been the end of us all. I’m just glad I made the decision that got me to see my family again.’

T-Dog sighed, then motioned Rick to follow Glenn down the stairs. ‘I guess you’re right, but that doesn’t mean I have to like it. Besides, it was me that left the door open. I left him to die when I had the key to get him out.’ There was silence as the men continued down the stairs, each lost in their own world. Once they reached the bottom, Glenn led them through the way he had come with Rick when they had escaped from the tank.

‘You’ll see him,’ Rick said. ‘I know that’s not comforting, but you will never forget about Merle. I won’t either. There’s been a lot of people like that for me over the years, whether I was responsible for what happened to them or not.’

T-Dog said nothing, thinking of Veronica in her white dress and Merle handcuffed to the pipe. _I already know that to be true._

Back on a roof and looking down at the ladders Rick and Glenn had climbed upon in their haste to escape the walkers, they saw that the alleyway only had two walkers. With their melee weapons in hand, they would be easily disposed of.

T-Dog got on the ground and used his knife to stab the nearest walker. It was a woman, her grey cardigan soaked in blood and guts. His aim was not perfect and he scraped her by the neck, and as she lunged out to attack him T-Dog found himself grappling onto her to prevent her teeth from sinking into his flesh. ‘Here,’ Glenn said. He quickly ran up with an axe and swung once, twice at the walker’s head. She went down, and T-Dog helped Glenn get back up after he fell down with her.

Rick approached the pair of them, having taken out a walker his own way. ‘We good?’ He asked.

Glenn nodded. ‘You ready Glenn?’

‘Ready as I ever will be, I guess,’ Glenn said.

T-Dog looked at the young man before him and noted with a tiny part of envy that he was young and fearless. _If only I could get those days back._

‘Okay, Glenn. Good luck. And I just want to say, I appreciate you doing this for us. You’ll be doing the group back home a great service.’

‘I always do,’ Glenn cheekily replied. ‘Anyway, that’s me off.’ And off he went.

Rick and T-Dog watched him go, and T-Dog felt his nerves work their way through his system. ‘Shit, we shouldn’t have done this,’ T-Dog said. ‘That boy is going to get himself killed.’

‘He’ll be fine,’ Rick said. ‘He always has been, always will be. I have faith in him.’

‘Faith,’ T-Dog said. He scoffed. ‘Faith ain’t done nothing for me man. All I know is that I’ve killed one man and now I’ve let another one go down to his grave. Shit, I’-‘ They heard a rustle of paper, and both men turned around. There was a young man who seemed to be sneaking upon them. Rick instantly drew his gun, T-Dog with his knife.

‘Who the hell are you?’ Rick asked. ‘I was going to ask you the same, vato,’ the man replied. He had his own gun held in hand, T-Dog noticed.

‘Why don’t we lower our guns? We aren’t going to fire, not out here in the middle of the city. That would be suicide.’ The man laughed. ‘It would be, wouldn’t it? But I’m not going to do anything stupid like lowering my gun either, not when there is one of me and two of you.’

They could hear footsteps now on the pavement behind them around the corner. _It’s Glenn. Shit, what is he going to think when he runs into this standoff?_ T-Dog turned around, although Rick did not turn his attention away for an instant.

It was Glenn, and he looked like a deer caught in headlights as he froze. He had the bag of guns in hand. Suddenly, a car pulled up just behind Glenn. A taxi, from the look of it. _What the fuck? What the fuck?_

The taxi doors opened, and two men quickly got out. Glenn yelped as they ran towards him and grabbed onto him.

‘Rick, they’re getting him! We have to stop them.’ Rick turned around now, and that was the moment the guy decided to make his move. He aimed his gun and pulled the trigger. T-Dog went to yell out for Rick to duck down, do something to avoid the bullet heading his way. Only a small click could be heard. The safety was on.

‘You dumb bastard!’ T-Dog charged forward with his knife. The guy’s eyes widened, realising the mistake his error had cost him as T-Dog pushed him against the wall, knife against his throat. ‘What the fuck is wrong with you?’

T-Dog looked to see Rick running after Glenn, footsteps echoing loudly in the narrow alleyway. _Shit, we’re bringing the monsters down upon us all over again._

The men had wrestled and dragged a struggling Glenn into the taxi, and the taxi sped off just as Rick made his own exit from the alley. Only he didn’t stop to look where they had gone. Instead, he turned around and bolted back to T-Dog and the man he held at knifepoint.

‘T-Dog, just get him up those ladders! We’re going to need him. Get up now! We’ve got company!’

The moans and the hisses and the snarls could be heard from the alley, and T-Dog saw them all shambling towards Rick. They had indeed been attracted by all the noise, and now the dinner bell was ringing for them all.

‘C’mon,’ T-Dog roughly grabbed the man’s shirt and pushed him to the ladder. ‘Get up there and shut up.’

*

Lori looked at the man before her. He was lying in the shade the tree provided for him, taking a glass of water he had accepted from Dale.

‘Thanks,’ Jim said as he sipped his glass.

‘Jim, I just want to understand why you did it,’ Lori said. _Why the fuck would you say something like this to a kid? Why?_

‘I’m awfully sorry, ma’am. Truly, I am.’ Jim took another sip of water. ‘But I needed to tell him and the young girl what everybody doesn’t want to tell them. You need to prepare those kids for what’s coming. There’s a storm coming for us all, and it ain’t going to spare the innocent ones. No, ma’am. It ain’t.’

Lori shook her head. ‘Be as it may, Jim, I can’t have you talking to my son anymore. He is probably going to have nightmares from what you told him. I’d only just got him settled down over his dad, now it’s going to come back to haunt him all over again. And he’s actually got his dad back. So thank you for that.’

She went to leave then, go back in the RV and tell Dale he could watch over Jim now that she had her word with him when Jim stopped her on her tracks. ‘Please, don’t go. I need to keep you safe, Sharon. I need to keep you safe.’

‘What?’ Lori turned around, to face him eyebrows furrowed. _He’s losing it._

‘Sorry, I just thought you were someone else there for a moment.’ Jim looked closed to tears then, his face darting forward and looking every which way. He continued to sit in the shade of the tree away from the sun.

_I don’t think this is just a case of the heat stroke._

‘Jim, listen to me,’ Lori approached the man and gently reached out to take the glass of water from him. Jim jumped back as if she had a burning touch, but after a moment he allowed her to take the glass. ‘I’m going to get you some more water,’ Lori said gently. Jim nodded slowly, as if taking every word she had said into great consideration. ‘Yeah. I think water will be good. Good for the soul, good for my health.’

Lori walked back to the RV, glass in hand as she entered the vehicle. As usual, the place was a tip. The rug was stained with various sauces; card games, magazines and cutlery were found in every space that could be counted as a surface. The only thing that seemed to be missing was the canoe that had been lovingly tied up at the top of window.

And there was her son, sitting behind a chess table and eagerly playing with Dale, who was chuckling at something he had just said.

‘What’s so funny?’ Lori asked as she went to the tap to pour water into the glass. ‘Nothing mom,’ Carl said. ‘Just something Dale said.’

‘I was just telling him about chess,’ Dale said. ‘And how even adults can be stumped at this game. He doesn’t believe me.’

‘I do too,’ Carl said. ‘Adults suck.’

‘Carl! Language,’ Lori’s voice was as sharp as a whip. _I’m not tolerating this, he is spending too much time with Dale._

‘Sorry mom.’

Dale got up then. ‘I’m sorry too, Lori. You know how it is, kids pick up the kind of things adults like us talk about. I’m sure he’s heard a few swears from his parents in his lifetime.’

‘Maybe,’ Lori said. ‘Carl, I’m going to walk Dale out and go and see Jim. Before we do though I’m going to watch you go over to Miranda’s tent. I saw Louis, Eliza and Sophia playing outside of it. Okay?’

‘Okay.’ And just like that he was off to play with his friends. Lori watched him go with Dale at her side.

‘How is he?’ Dale asked. Lori looked over to see Jim, still lying by the tree and looking utterly lost and confused as to why was here. ‘Not good. It’s clear to me that he’s not his right frame of mind. I figured that is why he said those awful things to Carl.’

‘Yeah, you are right I think. He kept going on about a Sharon, do you know who that is?’

‘I think it’s his wife, but you know Jim. He’s always been quiet about his life before. I didn’t even know he could string a couple of sentences together before he said what he did to my boy.’

‘You know, Lori; I think we should go easy on him. He’s probably having a hard time with everything that is going on, same as the rest of us.’ Lori looked at the figure beneath the tree. She knew Dale was right, of course she did. All the same…

‘I know, Dale. Here, you give him the glass. I’m going over to Miranda and look after the kids. I can’t be dealing with this at the moment.’

Handing him the glass, Lori walked over to Miranda who smiled at her as she approached. ‘Hey Lori. How are you?’

Lori shrugged. ‘Seems like the whole world has been against me today. And to think I thought things were turning around yesterday.’

Miranda paused and the two women watched over the kids. They were all playing tag, Carl seemed to be ‘it.’ _I think Jim’s right. It’s weird to see these kids be so normal, my son acting so normal as if nothing is going on. As if his father might not get killed at any moment in a city filled with dead people._

‘You know, I think I’m going to have a word with Morales,’ Miranda was saying now. Lori looked at her, surprised.

‘Really?’

‘Yup, really. It’s been going on long enough, whatever it is between us and this marriage. I can’t live like it for much longer. Seeing you with your husband last night made me realise that. I was so happy Morales returned but I still felt angry with him. I still do actually. I don’t know how you are able to keep calm with Rick out there.’

Lori laughed. ‘Trust me, I’m not calm. I’m barely holding it together. I’ve got a headache just thinking about him being out there. Now I’ve got Jim telling my boy and Carol’s daughter they are going to die at any moment. How the hell I haven’t gone insane right now, I have no idea.’

‘I sympathise,’ Miranda said. ‘We’ve got it tough. We are meant to be the strong ones who hold it altogether for our husbands and our children, we never get a chance to just take a breather.’

‘You’ve got that right, Miranda. I wish I could just go on vacation the now. Of course, the walkers will have been long gone since then and I could just sit by the pool, reading a trashy romance novel.’

Miranda sighed. ‘That would be the life. Just being back in my own home would be good enough for me.’

They continued to watch the kids as Shane emerged from the woods carrying logs he had been cutting with an fireaxe. He didn’t stop to say hello, just gave them a small nod to acknowledge them and continued on with his path. Miranda lowered her voice as she said, ‘I can’t believe he finally knocked the shit out of that Ed. It’s been a long time coming.’

Lori felt uneasy. _I didn’t know he could be so violent._

It had been horrific, seeing the injuries Shane had inflicted upon Ed. His head was like a burst watermelon, covered in blood and his eyes were swollen. He could barely stand, Morales, Andrea and Carol all had to support him back to his camp as everybody had watched on. Because she had been dealing with Jim, she hadn’t heard the full story yet. Only that Shane had finally snapped after Ed slapped Carol and had nearly killed him.

_After I turned him away for good._

Lori twiddled her thumbs as she agreed with Miranda. ‘Yeah, Ed did have it coming. I’m surprised it didn’t happen sooner.’

Hopefully he is too ashamed to take it out on Sophia and Carol, that poor girl has suffered enough. I just don’t understand why Carol doesn’t leave him?’

‘It’s not easy,’ Lori said. ‘Believe me, I know.’

‘Oh,’ Miranda said. ‘I’m so sorry, I didn’t know you wer-‘ Lori interrupted. ‘It’s fine, Miranda. It was back in school. Really, it didn’t mean much of anything in the long run. I moved on pretty quickly, I wasn’t committed to the guy or anything like Carol is with her daughter. But those few months I was with him, it was like he was in control the entire time. It’s something I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy.’

Miranda nodded. ‘Yeah, thanks for telling me. And sorry again for running my mouth. I tend to do that.'

Lori shook her head and smiled. ‘Don’t worry about it. Besides, this story is actually how I met Rick properly.’

‘Really?’ Miranda asked, intrigued.

‘Yup,’ Lori remembered the day as if it was yesterday. She could still picture the smokes in the ashtray, the glasses of whiskey and rum and smell the sweat and alcohol of the nightclub. She had her underage license to enter, her and Jake both. She was just lucky that Rick also had his too. He had seen the way Jake had been talking to her, and had stepped in. One thing got to another, and a fight had broken out. Rick had lost, but he won Lori’s heart. And Lori had the courage to finally dump Jake and got Rick’s number.

‘You’ll need to tell me this story another time,’ Miranda said. Lori blinked away the memories, a pit of sadness in her stomach as she thought about the passage of time since that moment so long ago. _How did we get to this stage? How?_

Lori promised she would.

*

There was silence in the lake as Andrea and Amy sat in the canoe, both had their fishing hooks in the water and hoping to catch bait. Andrea caught Amy’s eye, and lowered the fishing rod.

‘What is it?’ Amy asked.

‘Nothing. I’m just, so proud of you.’

‘What for?’ Amy blushed scarlet. Andrea smiled. _She’s so easily embarrassed._

‘For standing up for Carol. We just had that argument about you needing to stand up more, and that’s exactly what you did. Don’t think otherwise. I’m sorry for what I said about our parents, and you definitely proved me wrong on what I was saying.’

‘Oh,’ Amy said. They fell back into silence, focusing on the job at hand. The water was crystal blue, shining like diamonds in the clear sun. It was a beautiful day.

‘I miss mom and dad,’ Amy said. She looked into the water as she said it. ‘I really do, I think of them every day.’

‘Me too,’ Andrea said. ‘But they would be glad we’re looking out for each other, I know that much.’

‘Yeah,’ Amy sniffed. ‘You’re right, they would be. They were always wanting us to spend more time together anyway, that’s why they were so happy when we said we were going on this road trip.’

‘I was hoping to spend more time with you too, and looks like I got my wish,’ Andrea said. The sisters laughed, basking in the warmth of the exchange they were having. ‘But seriously, I was Amy. Don’t think for a second I never was. I was just so busy with college, and my career afterwards. It was always something that kept me from home. Now I regret it.’

‘Don’t,’ Amy said. ‘You shouldn’t regret it. Besides, you are speaking like we aren’t going to go back to our lives soon enough.’

Andrea’s smile faltered a little. ‘What do you mean?’

Now it was Amy’s turn to look surprised. ‘You don’t think we’re going to be here in Georgia forever, do you? The army will come soon enough and rescue us, and before we know it this will all seem like a bad dream.’

Andrea looked out into the water. They hadn’t caught anything yet. _Must be all this talking we’re doing, scaring away the fish like we are._

‘I don’t know Amy; you remember what it was like in the city? They dropped bomb on us. I still have no idea how we managed to survive that. We were so lucky Dale managed to drive us out of there altogether.’

‘We were lucky,’ Amy agreed. ‘But that doesn’t mean anything. That was just them taking out as much as the monsters as they could, and they’ll be back to finish the job.’

 _Let her have this one Andrea. Don’t fuck up what you’re doing with her._ Despite the thought, Andrea found the words coming out of her mouth. ‘Amy, I don’t want to upset you but I think this is it. It’s been a couple of months and we’ve heard nothing since the TV went down. No broadcast signals, no nothing. Just radio silence. And to drop bombs on a city like Atlanta? I think that was their last resort.’

Amy shook her head. ‘You don’t have to be so cynical all the time, Andrea. Especially over something like this.’

Andrea scoffed. ‘I’m not being skeptical, just factual. They wouldn’t bomb a city if they thought it was worth saving. They aren’t coming for us.’

Amy bit her lip. _Great, now I made her cry. What a shitty sister I am._

Andrea tried to find the words to apologize, but she couldn’t put them together in a way that sounded satisfying for her so she left it at that. The two sisters continued to fish away, and they did catch a fair amount. To her credit, Amy did not cry but she did not look at her sister if she could help it.

‘That should do us for supper tonight, I think,’ Andrea said. ‘It’ll beat having squirrel again.’

‘Yeah,’ Amy said. ‘I guess it would.’

‘Listen, Amy. I’m sorry. I really am. I’m a cynical bitch, okay. I get it, but I cannot change the way I am. If you were my age I think you would understand where I’m coming from more. You’re so young and hopeful, you haven’t had life experience yet.’

Amy shook her head. ‘You don’t need to apologize, Andrea. But you’re right too. I’m not your age. I think that’s always been kind of the problem, mom and dad had us too far apart for us to ever really get along.’ Her voice sounded sad. Now it was Andrea’s turn to feel emotional. Instead of showing her weakness however, Andrea considered Amy’s words and replied.

‘That doesn’t mean I don’t love you any less. I hope you know that.’

‘I do.’

‘Good. Now come and give your big, old maid of a sister a hug,’ Andrea reached out and Amy hugged her tightly, both laughing at her comment.

‘I didn’t mean it like that,’ Amy protested.

‘No, don’t worry about it. I didn’t get the memo that women approaching forty were old and decrypt and therefore useless to society and the people who live in it, I guess I better retire too while I’m at it.’

‘God, you’re so good at making me feel bad,’ Amy said. ‘Stop it.’

Andrea laughed and splashed some water over Amy, who shrieked and splashed some water back. The two of them laughed in the middle of the lake, not a care in the world.

‘I’ll stop it if you tell me the truth about Glenn.’

‘What truth will that be?’

‘Oh, I don’t know,’ Andrea said. She used her sing song voice to good work. ‘That you fancy him?’

‘Stop it, stop it. You’re right, I do. There, you happy now?’

Andrea stopped splashing and bowed mockingly. ‘I am, your youthful majesty.’ Amy rolled her eyes but giggled all the same.

‘Seriously, though,’ Andrea said as she reached out for her paddle and prepared to row the canoe back onto shore. ‘You should ask him out, or at least get to know him better. What’s the worst that could happen?’

‘He could say no,’ Amy said. ‘And besides, I don’t think he is that interested in me.’

Andrea shook her head. ‘Glenn’s a nice boy. It’s not like he’s going to make a fool of you if you ask him. He’ll probably be more embarrassed than you are right now about it. But I have a feeling he will say yes. Why not? You’re beautiful yourself and you are also a nice person. Those are winning qualities.’

‘Urgh, do we have to keep talking about this?’ Amy asked as they reached shore with their prize.

‘We don’t, but just consider what I said. You should do it tomorrow, since its your birthday and everything. He can’t refuse the birthday girl.’

Amy stopped dead in her track. ‘What? How do you keep track of the dates. I had forgotten all about my birthday to be honest, I thought it was still a month away.'

Andrea shrugged. ‘I mark the days down on the calendar in Dale’s RV. He said it was okay.’

Amy nodded. ‘Well, I hope you got me something nice.’

Andrea thought of the mermaid necklace she had taken from the gift shop. _Rick said it was okay for me to take it. I’ll never forget that._ The necklace was currently in her pocket. She didn’t trust Amy not to go snooping around the RV looking.

‘I got you this,’ Andrea motioned her head to the fish they had hooked. Amy groaned in good nature.

*

Morales was currently sitting in his tent, reading a newspaper article that had been in Dale’s RV. It was dated February 21st, so months before the outbreak had begun.

J _ust what I need, no talk of this bullshit we’re all living in._

Quite frankly, Morales was sick of it. Living in the camp in the middle of nowhere, outside a city they had never been to before all the dead started to come to life. Facing the idea of never being able to go back to his home again, or live a normal life for a good long time. He even missed his job, his asshole of a boss too. _And that is something I never thought I would say._

He heard a polite cough, and he looked up. Miranda was watching him. She seemed anxious. Why, Morales couldn’t fathom. All he knew was that things hadn’t been easy between the pair of them for a while now since this whole mess started.

‘Can I come in?’ Miranda asked.

Morales shrugged and focused on his newspaper. ‘Of course, it’s your tent as much as it is mine.’

Miranda seemed to twiddle her thumbs as she waited. Her presence brought an awkward silence that hung over the tent.

‘Miranda, what?’ Morales put the newspaper down and looked at his wife of ten years. ‘What is the matter with you? You acting like a scared little bird, as if I was that Ed bastard. I’ve never hit you once, so what is the big deal.’

‘I just-,’ Miranda stopped herself and went over to the other side of the tent where she sat down on their inflatable mattress. ‘I just want you to consider.’

‘Jesus, not this shit again,’ Morales snapped. ‘We’re not going to Birmingham.’

‘Why not?’ Miranda asked. Her voice had a hint of helplessness to it, as if she was desperate and feared she might be pushed over the edge. ‘Our family live there.’

‘And my other family lives here,’ Morales replied. ‘The one that matters. We haven’t talked to the rest in god knows how long. Who even knows if they are still at the same address? Besides, you forget the ocean of those things that lie between us here and Birmingham?’

Miranda then burst into tears, and Morales felt ashamed himself. _Ah, fuck it._ ‘Shit,’ he said. ‘I’m sorry doll. Here, come here,’ Morales went over and hugged his wife. She laid her head on his arms as she sobbed, and Morales hushed her. After she calmed down, she looked up at him.

‘Why are we like this? We always keep fighting over every little thing.’

‘I know,’ Morales said. ‘I know darling. It’s probably just the stress of all of this shit that is going on. And I don’t even know if it’s just that. I’m so bored up in this camp, I feel I’m going insane. I just want our life back.’

Miranda looked him in the eye. ‘Is that why you went to Atlanta even though I asked you not to? Because you were bored?’

Morales felt no reason in lying to her. ‘Yes. Okay, I’m a massive dick. I couldn’t stand to be around here for much longer, seeing the same trees day in and day out is killing me. I’m sorry I put you through that, worrying about me. But I needed the break. Can’t you understand.’

‘No,’ Miranda said. ‘I can’t understand, Morales. You would risk your life to go into the city and possibly leave your children orphans, me a widow. But you wont risk your life to go to Birmingham to get to my family. What is that about?’

‘It’s different,’ Morales protested. ‘In Atlanta, it’s just me risking myself. But I cannot risk Louis and Eliza. You know Louis is a bit of a handful at the best of times, imagine if it was just us looking out for them on a road filled with those things? We couldn’t protect them.’

Miranda looked down then. ‘I see where you are coming from. But Morales, you never listen to me at all. You still risk leaving us widows and orphans just so you can fulfil a need that doesn’t matter. But this matters, seeing my family again matters. How can you not get that? And you say you are bored of this camp, doing this means you never have to see this camp again.’

Morales sighed. ‘I’ll think about it, but don’t expect me to change my mind Miranda. You need to come up with a better plan than just packing the clothes in our bags and going. We can’t risk the kids.’

There was silence then. Miranda nodded, seemingly content in that she had been able to get through to her stubborn husband and managed to convince him in seeing things her way. Morales looked around the tent, wondering if perhaps Birmingham was an option after all. It seemed awfully tempting, especially as his eyes glanced over a newspaper dated back in February 2010.

*

‘Who are you people, where the hell is Glenn?’ Rick was asking now. The man before him just smirked, sitting in the chair in an abandoned apartment. ‘Me speak no English,’ he said.

Rick scoffed and looked at T-Dog. He was brooding, looking over the man they held captive. Rick wondered what was going through that brain of his.

‘Look, I don’t want to go through this again,’ Rick said. ‘Glenn is a good friend of ours, and we would hate to see him hurt. Surely some part of you feels the same way? How can we defend ourselves against the walkers if we cannot even keep from fighting others?’

_How can you say this after seeing Merle?_

Rick tried not to think about it. Truth of the matter was, he knew Merle had brought it on himself. It had been why he was able to put on a brave front almost immediately, as if denying the memory of locking Merle up to the pipe in the first place. But T-Dog’s words had been eating away at him. And with Glenn’s life possibly in the line, he couldn’t afford that right now.

The man looked at Rick with his words, and seemed like he was going to say something judging by the way he opened his mouth, then closing again. Hope soared through Rick then. _But then again, this is the kind of shit assholes back before all this would pull with Shane and I._

He was correct. The man spat in the direction of Rick’s foot. ‘I ain’t telling you nothing, pig.’ Rick groaned and walked out of the room. He heard T-Dog threaten the man’s life if he tried anything at all before joining Rick.

They had checked the longue out for any possible weapons beforehand, so the man couldn’t try anything if he even wanted to _. Sloppy. God, what a fuck up mission this is turning out to be. Daryl’s walked out on us, Glenn’s been kidnapped and I can’t even secure a prisoner correctly. This world hates me. I should have listened to Lori_.

‘What do you think?’ Rick asked. He needed another opinion.

‘I think that man isn’t going to budge, no matter how nice you act. Speaking from experience and all.’

Rick nodded. ‘I figured as much. Not about your experience but him not talking. Thing is, I don’t want to play rough. I just can’t, it wouldn’t be right.’

‘No, it wouldn’t,’ T-Dog said. ‘It wouldn’t be right leaving a man to his death either, but I did that too. So is that how you want it? You be good cop, I be bad cop.’

Rick shook his head. ‘No. I don’t want that at all. I wanted to avoid interrogating him altogether and just have him lead us to where his group is, get Glenn and get the fuck out of this city.’

‘Amen,’ T-Dog said. ‘You’re preaching to the choir, Rick. Really. But that isn’t going to happen until we learn something about that man through there. So I’ll ask again. Good cop, bad cop?’

Rick focused on the wall. Photographs framed and displayed proudly of a small family of three. Rick saw the baby transform from a boy to a man, the couple growing from young and happy to old and content. He wondered where the family was now.

‘I think we both go in there and we both try to convince him,’ Rick said. ‘You brought up Merle, I think we should avoid doing another Merle. We can’t have more blood on our hands.’

As usual, he didn’t know what to make of T-Dog’s expression. Considering his fit of guilt, Rick would hazard a guess that he might have been relieved that he didn’t have to play bad cop if he didn’t want to. The only thing was, how did they get this guy to talk?

‘It’s up to you,’ T-Dog said. ‘I’ll try and talk to him.’

Before Rick could protest, his mind still not made up yet; T-Dog walked through the room and faced the guy sitting in the chair. ‘Listen,’ T-Dog said. ‘You’re young enough and, no offence, you have a look about you that suggests you’ve been in bother before. Not just with policemen like my friend here, I’m talking gangs and shit.’

He approached the man and bent down so he had no option but to look into T-Dog’s face. Rick stood back, allowing it to play out. ‘You ever hear of old Frank Ryans?’ T-Dog asked.

The man tried to appear indifferent, but Rick could see him shift slightly. ‘Never heard of him,’ the man said.

‘Really? It was all across Atlanta what happened. Balls stuffed in his mouth, the word traitor spray painted over his naked body. Of course, they didn’t cover it in the news. Why would they? He was just one of many. But everybody that lived in the city knows about it. You obviously live here, you heard it too.’

‘Look,’ the man said. ‘How many times do I have to say the word no before you people get it through your thick skulls. I ain’t heard of no Frank Ryans.’

T-Dog stood up. ‘You have heard of the Skull Warriors though?’ The man gulped.

 _Got him._ Or at least, Rick hoped they had.

‘Yeah, people made fun of our name at first. But that was the thing, young man. It was only at first they made fun, but everybody soon began to dread the name. And I was one of the founding members. This man here, he helped us get away with the worst of our shit. Including Frank Ryans.’

‘Look, I just want to go home,’ the man tried to get up but T-Dog pushed him back down. ‘I don’t think so. You’re going to get the same taste that I gave to old Frank Ryans. Rick, hand me the corkscrew.’

‘Wait, wait, wait, don’t,’ the man begged. He was crying now. ‘I’ll tell you whatever I want, I swear. Just don’t kill me.’

Rick raised his eyebrows at T-Dog, who went and grabbed a map of the city. ‘Whereabouts did your friends take Glenn, and we’ll make a trade. You know the Skull Warriors are good on their word. We don’t harm the people who help us out.’#

The man quickly pointed at a street. Rick grabbed a pen and marked out where he pointed. ‘That street,’ the man was saying. ‘Me and my gang, my family, we’re hold out in this retirement home. That’s where they would have taken him.’

‘Interesting,’ T-Dog said. ‘What is your name?’

‘Miguel.’ ‘Good name. So, Miguel, who leads this group of yours?’

Miguel gulped again, his face beaded with sweat. ‘Guillermo.’

‘Thanks for cooperating. Now we’ll figure out what to do with you,’ and just like that T-Dog walked out of the room. Rick gave Miguel a quick glance and saw that he had wet himself before following T-Dog out into the hall, out of earshot.

_That was insanely fast._

‘You really part of these Skull Warriors?’ Rick asked.

‘Hell naw,’ T-Dog said. ‘But what I said was true, all of Atlanta heard about it and many believed it was them that did it. Ryans used to be part of them.’

‘I see. You were awfully convincing; you didn’t even need to try and get those answers from him.’

T-Dog shrugged. ‘I guess he could tell I lived that sort of life and thought I was telling the truth about them. Besides, he’s young and stupid enough to believe it. Anyway, we got our answers. That’s the main thing. So how do you want to handle the next step.’

Rick didn’t even need to think. ‘We make the trade.’

T-Dog gave Rick a blank stare. ‘But the only gun we have right now is your gun, Rick. And his. We could be walking straight into an ambush for all I know.’

Rick sighed and rubbed his eyes. ‘I know man. But I don’t see what options we have. It’s the best shot we have.’

‘I guess you are right. I just hope you are too.’

*

Shane winced as he washed his hands under the tap water. His knuckles were still stinging, and he was trying to forget all about the pain as best as he could when a knock on the door announced another presence.

‘Wait a sec,’ Shane said. _I don’t care, I would do it again._

‘Sorry,’ Andrea said as she got into the RV. ‘Dale said there was something in here that I could use. He actually wanted to ask you to help him with something with Jim, if you don’t mind doing it that is. He told me to ask you anyway.’

Shane nodded. ‘Sure, I could help out with Jim.’

He leaned in at the counter so Andrea could pass him, and he went to leave the RV before he stopped. He turned around to see Andrea going through the drawers.

‘Listen, I didn’t mean to scare you back then. I just lost control, that’s all.’

Andrea stopped what she was doing and turned to look at him. _Great, just what I need. I should have kept carrying on. What am I doing telling anybody I’m sorry when there was nothing to be sorry for._

Instead, she defied his expectations. ‘You didn’t scare me, Shane. I guess I was caught up in the moment, just like you were.’

Shane exhaled with relief. ‘Yeah, it was kind of crazy, huh?’

‘Crazy, yeah.’ Andrea brushed past a string of her hair behind her ear. The sunshine caught her hair through the window, transforming her blonde hair to different shades of gold. Just for a second. Trick of the light. ‘Justified, though. That Ed has been battering his wife for far too long, and god knows what with his daughter. I say he finally got his medicine if you ask me. And he did push my sister just before he slapped Carol, so if you hadn’t done it I think I would have.’

Shane laughed, nerves shining through a little. ‘Yeah, you would beat his ass.’

‘I would have,’ Andrea turned around to do whatever she was doing. ‘I swear, this man needs to keep his RV a lot more tidier than he does. Me and Amy try but it always ends up a mess the next day.’

‘Yeah, it’s like a tornado hit it.’

‘Exactly! Oh, I just remembered. I was going to ask your pal Rick, but you’re as much as an officer as he is. Do you mind showing me how to shoot a gun?’

Shane smiled. ‘Don’t tell me you’re going to go and shoot Ed now?’

‘No, although he would deserve it,’ Andrea said. ‘No, I’ve got this gun and I pretty much don’t know how to use it. My dad gave it to me for the road trip, but I didn’t think I would need to use it. And when I was in the city, I still had the safety on when I did try to shoot it. Idiot, right?’

Shane shook his head. ‘It’s pretty common for inexperienced shooters to not know what they are doing.’

Andrea laughed. ‘Thanks for that. I don’t know if that was an insult or a way to try and make me feel better. Either way, it was one and the same for my feelings.’

‘No, I didn’t mean it like that. But I think I know where you are going with this. You want me to teach you shooting at some point?’

Andrea nodded. ‘Would you? Honestly, it wouldn’t be a problem if you couldn’t. You seem to have enough on your plate already without having to babysit me. But I would feel better if I knew how to shoot, just so I can actually defend myself and Amy from the walkers or whatever Rick calls them.’

‘It’s a deal. Right, I better get going Andrea. We can talk about this later.’

‘Sure, take care.’

Shane stepped out of the RV and walked across to where Dale and Jacqui were standing with Jim at the shade. He noticed Lori in his path, looking after the kids. He averted his gaze from her, careful not to catch her eyes. _After everything I did for her, she wants to throw it all away._ Shane loved Rick like a brother, and he always felt like he had got on well with Lori from the first moment they had met. He never in a million years imagined she would be the one to rip his heart out and stomp on it.

_Gotta stop thinking that way. Rick shouldn’t find out, and he will if you keep playing the fool._

So vowing to put his past mistakes behind, Shane joined the duo standing over Jim.

‘You talk to Andrea?’ Dale asked. He had his hands in his pockets. Jacqui held a dishrag in hand, while Jim was dozing off in a sleep.

‘I did, yeah. What help you do want?’

‘Take him to the RV,’ Dale said. ‘Please, you’re the strongest man in the camp. I can’t carry him and I have no idea where Morales is. This shade is good for Jim, but it would be better if he was completely inside I think.’

Shane nodded. ‘That’s true. Okay, give me a second.’ Jacqui and Dale got out of his way as Shane scooped down and with a slight struggle managed to pull Jim up. With the dead weight on his shoulder, Shane half-carried, half-dragged the man to where the RV was. Shane could hear him muttering under his breath but did not catch any word that he said.

Jacqui and Dale followed Shane into the RV where he placed Jim on the couch. Jim’s eyes opened then, and he screwed his face up in confusion. ‘Where am I?’

‘Dale’s RV, dude. You were pretty out of it.’

‘I was, wasn’t I?’

‘Yup,’ Shane looked at Dale. ‘You want me to do anything else?’

‘No, it-‘, before Dale could finish, Jim quickly interrupted him as he sat upwards. ‘Wait, don’t go. Not now, I need to tell you something.’

‘What is it?’ Shane asked. _This must be the longest conversation I’ve had with this guy, can’t recall him speaking much these last couple of months_.

‘Can you tell your lady and boy that I’m sorry, for what I said. I just didn’t want the boy and the girl harmed, that’s all. I really am sorry.’

Shane blushed under the stares of Jacqui and Dale. _Christ, the guy called Lori my lady in front of them. How the fuck can I move on if others are all too keen on reminding me?_

‘Lori isn’t my lady, but I appreciate the apology Jim. Both are very dear to me and I think you scared Carl a little.’

‘I know,’ Jim sighed as he looked at the wall, but judging from the way he was looking it seemed to Shane he was looking far beyond the wall and only seeing a world that was in his mind. ‘I just didn’t want him to end up like my children and Sharon.’

‘Oh, Jim,’ Jacqui said as she sat down next to him. ‘I’m truly sorry about your family. Carl and Sophia will be fine though, we will protect them. Won’t we?’ She raised her question to Shane and Dale. Both men agreed, with Dale adding, ‘Morales’ kids too. We make sure they aren’t out of our eyesight at all.’

Jim snorted. ‘That’s funny, old man. The thing is, I warned the kids to always stay in their parents eyesight. It didn’t do mine any good as I watched them get torn apart. Their mother too.’ And just like that, Jim sobbed. The dam had broken and the water was flowing. Jacqui ushered him in a hug as he cried his heart out, while Shane looked at the man before him.

 _No wonder he’s lost it. Shit, I would too_. And the truth of the matter was, Carl did need looking after and being treated like an adult. With the way things were and Rick always running off, Shane didn’t expect Carl to not have grown up a little bit already _. Especially with the way things are between me and his ma._ Shane rubbed his head and sighed. Dale looked at him, and Shane just averted his eyes from the whole sight.

_Damn it Rick, why aren’t you here?_

But the thought of Lori and Carl being alone added another unkind thought, something that filled him with more embarrassment than having to watch a broken man cry about his family.

_Why did you have to come back at all?_

*

At first, Glenn had been worried he was never going to see the light of day again. Tied up and muffled in darkness, he had been put in some sort of storage room as various people, mostly men came in and out. Not one of them said a word but they all looked at him. Glenn stared back, not at all feeling as brave as he hoped he looked.

He did not even know how much time had passed since he had been picked up from the street. He wondered what had happened to Rick and T-Dog, perhaps they were in a different room altogether. _Fuck, I’m going to die. They’re going to die. Shit, my luck just ran out. Guess this is the karma we get for letting Merle die on that roof._ S

haking his head as if to shake away the dark thoughts, Glenn tried to scream. As usual, it came out muffled. _Still worth a try._

Eventually, his torment came to an end. Two men stormed into the room, eyes unfeeling as they grabbed Glenn from the chair and dragged him out of the room. He tried to speak to protest, but he had the gag on.

‘Shut it,’ one of the men said. He was the tall one with tattoos, Glenn noted. The other one was roughly the same height as him with a baseball cap on. He let go of Glenn and the other followed suit. Since Glenn didn’t expect them to do so, he fell to his knees.

‘Get up,’ the baseball cap wearing guy said. ‘You can walk on your own, we’ll tell you where to go. Move it, we haven’t got all day.’

So Glenn followed his instructions, going from room to room. He focused straight ahead, trying not to look overly keen in examining his surroundings. _They might kill me just for doing that. These guys are obviously the Skull Warriors or something. Man, I’m so boned!_

Glenn found himself at the bottom of a staircase, and the tall guy told him to get up and open the door. So Glenn did, and the sheer intensity of the sunlight almost blinded him after being in the darkness for such a long period of time.

_Couldn’t be that long man, you aren’t even hungry or needed a piss or anything._

‘Get to the front,’ the tall one said. ‘Do it.’

Glenn moved to the front of the roof, and he felt his palms start to sweat. _Fuck, they’re going to push me off. Why the fuck am I following these guys’ orders anyway, what is wrong with me?_

With that thought in mind, Glenn tried to make a break for it. Sensing their hostage’s intentions, the captors grabbed onto him tightly and marched him forward to the roof. Glenn shut his eyes tightly, not wanting to see his own plummet to the concrete below.

He did anyway.

And he wasn’t falling. Instead he was looking at what seemed to be a faceoff between two groups. The Skull Warriors or whoever Glenn figured them to be were standing with rifles and shotguns, against Rick and T-Dog. Rick had his own gun pointed at the larger group, at least twenty members while T-Dog held onto some guy with a knife on his throat.

_What the hell are they doing?_

Before Glenn could comprehend the situation, the men roughly grabbed Glenn and pulled him away and down from the roof. Out of sight, out of mind. Glenn’s heart raced, unable to stop all sort of thoughts running through his mind. _Is there going to be a shootout? There’s no way Rick and T-Dog can defeat them, there are too many of them. Fuck, is this all over me? Are those guys crazy or what? God fucking help me._

He expected to be led to the storage room again, back to the darkness but instead he was taken down another staircase. Glenn tried to keep his beating heart still as well as the thoughts of panic, but that had never been his style. All through life he panicked if he wasn’t in control, and he certainly wasn’t in control at the moment. Not in the slightest.

He gave up on predicting what was going to happen next when he was led not outside the building like he had been expecting, but through a hallway. The men let go of him now and told him to walk on, so he did. The sight that greeted him was enough to make his jaw drop.

A bunch of elderly people were socializing with some younger guys, the gangbangers he had seen come in and out of his storage room. Some were playing bingo, others their cards. Most were just minding their own business in a room decorated with portraits of oceanic views and mountain cliffs, with a stage that wouldn’t look out of place in a karaoke night.

‘This is a retirement home, isn’t it?’ Glenn asked.

The tall man grunted a yes. ‘Just keep them occupied,’ the other guy said. ‘We’ll be back in a bit with the main man in charge, just want to see if you get on okay with these good folks.’

And just like that, the two men left the way they had come in. Glenn stood awkwardly, unsure of his next move. He had never been good at parties, much less the emotional rollercoaster of feelings he had been having the last twenty minutes or so. An old woman approached him then, Glenn figured she must have been in her eighties. She had big glasses that made her eyes look like they would belong to an insect, but her big smile more than made up for it.

‘Excuse me, young man. Would you mind checking in on Matilda over here? I swear she cheats on bingo every time we play, but I can’t prove it. You’re the only one who can.’

‘Um, sure,’ Glenn found himself saying. ‘What’s your name?’

‘Holly, dear. Holly Ward. And yours?’

‘Glenn Rhee.’

‘That’s a nice name, young man,’ Holly said. ‘Now come with me. How do you know Guillermo?’

‘Who’s Guillermo?’

‘You don’t know who Guillermo is?’ Holly looked shocked; her facial expressions would have been comical to Glenn if not for the situation he was in. ‘What are doing here if you don’t know him?'

‘It’s a long story,’ Glenn said. ‘I don’t know where to begin exactly. I take it Guillermo is in charge?’

Holly nodded. ‘In fact, forget the bingo. That old witch can keep cheating to her heart’s content, let me lead you over here and have a cup of coffee.’

Holly led Glenn to a small table laid at the side of a window. Both sat down and Glenn looked out. There was a small grassy field with a pathway, a fountain too. Three gangbangers were tending to some of the old people, one walking an old woman across the pathway.

‘Felipe, dear,’ Holly called over. A young man walked over, like a dog who had been summoned by his mistress.

‘Be a dear and pour us a cup of coffee. The young man too. This is Glenn, dear. And Glenn, this is Felipe.’ Felipe nodded. ‘Nice to meet you, Glenn.’

Glenn said, ‘nice to meet you too,’ but inside he felt baffled to the extreme. _What actually is going on here?_ Felipe had been one of the men to have come in the storage room.

‘Now, I know what you are thinking Glenn,’ Holly was saying. ‘What is the purpose of all this? Why are these men dressed like common thugs and helping out a bunch of old people? Correct?’

‘Pretty much, yeah,’ Glenn agreed. ‘Don’t let their images fool you. They are kind hearted lads, all of them. When the dead walked, all our staff abandoned us. All of them. Not a single soul stayed, you believe that? Even Jeanette Collins, and she was a favorite of mine. Always sipped me a candy when I wasn’t supposed to have them. Turns out old Isabela outside there is Guillermo’s great gran though,’ Holly paused her conversation to accept her cup of coffee.

Glenn thanked Felipe as he got his own cup, doubting that his cup might not have been tampered with as he stared into the cup.

‘He came here with his family to get her out, but he saw the staff were gone. So he went out and got his friends and their families, and now we all live together.’

_Wow, and here I was thinking they were the Skull Warriors. Still, remember the way they treated you. Why would they do that if they were so kind hearted? Why were they aiming their guns at Rick and T-Dog if they are so nice?_

‘What’s the tough act all about then?’ Glenn asked. Holly laughed. ‘Oh, that? It’s just to scare off anybody who would try to rob us. You wouldn’t believe it but there have been attempts. Junkies looking for drugs is my bet. Gosh, when the world goes up in flames you expect people to come together to take out the flames. Instead they just add to the misery. It saddens me.’

Glenn nodded, lost in thought as he threw all caution to the wind and drank his cup. _I think Holly is right. Hopefully Rick and T-Dog didn’t hurt them. I better see what happened with them._

Before he could go up, Holly piped up. ‘So young man, are you seeing anybody at the moment?’

Glenn almost choked on his coffee. ‘Excuse me?’

Holly waved her hand as if swatting away a fly. ‘You heard me. Don’t try and pretend you didn’t hear me correctly. I raised enough sons to know when one of them have their eye on a girl. Who is the lucky gal?’

Glenn thought of her then. Just a couple of years older than him, blonde hair and heavenly blue eyes. She had hugged him the other day, and just the thought was enough to get him blushing again.

‘Amy,’ Glenn answered. ‘Her name is Amy. But we aren’t together, I don’t think she even likes me in that way.’ Holly scoffed as if to say he was talking nonsense. ‘With a young man like you, I bet she’s swooning.’

Just as Glenn was about to reply, movement caught his eye and he looked up. A few of the so called gangbangers were coming in, among them Rick and T-Dog.

‘Excuse me, Holly. It was lovely to meet you,’ Glenn said, and he found that he meant it. Holly beamed up at him and said her goodbyes, and Glenn moved on from the old woman and approached the group.

‘Glenn,’ Rick said. ‘You’re safe, thank god.’

 _Thank god indeed._ Looking at the man before him reminded him of the uniform he had on, and how much risk he had taken in rescuing him in the first place. Glenn realized he was never in danger in the first place, but he was touched that Rick went out of his way to rescue him nonetheless to pay back the debt he owed.

And T-Dog blurted out, ‘I thought you were being eaten by dogs man.’ Glenn just shook his head and let out a small smile. ‘No, just talking to that nice woman over there. Her name’s Holly.’

Rick turned around to talk to a man, who seemed to be the guy in charge. Holly had called him Guillermo. Glenn was intrigued because as far as he could see, he was just a normal man. There was nothing about him that suggested he was leading a group of survivors in the middle of a city roaming with the dead. His face could have blended in with just as any other in the crowd.

Guillermo nodded. ‘Come in through the back, I don’t want to disturb the old ones.’

An elderly man had overheard and took offence. ‘Who are you calling old? I could still take your ass, and don’t you forget it.’ Guillermo laughed. ‘Of course you could, Ronald. Now excuse me please. Follow me gentlemen.’

Guillermo led Glenn, Rick and T-Dog through another room, which had been a dining room and from the looks of it still served its function. _Not at all the norm these days_.

All four men sat down, Guillermo at the head of the table. ‘You’re crazy,’ Rick opened with. ‘We could have shot you, and you had all these people in your care.’

Guillermo shook his head. ‘I don’t think so. Maybe you could have shot me, but you honestly expected to do all my boys? With just you and T-Dog. No offence.’

‘None taken,’ T-Dog said. ‘It was a stupid plan, but we had no other option. We were worried about Glenn here.’

Glenn blushed. ‘Well, I’m alright thanks. I appreciate you both going to rescue me though.’

‘Anytime, Glenn. You saved me,’ Rick said. ‘But why didn’t you shoot us when we had Miguel?’

Guillermo indicated Glenn. ‘Because you went after him in the first place. The reason we are looking after the old in the first place is because nobody was around for them when the dead walked. It’s crazy but some son of bitches, they were that heartless enough to just leave them to starve, to waste away from whatever sickness they’re suffering from. Fucking evil if you ask me. I’m sure Holly filled you in, Glenn. She’s always a talker, that one as I’m sure you know. But that is honestly what we are. We’re not gangbangers, we’re not your Skull Warriors. Which quite frankly is the stupidest name I’ve ever heard in my life. No offence if you were ever frightened of them but I wasn’t impressed in the slightest. Folk like that never scared me.’

‘Me neither,’ T-Dog said. ‘But they were some mean fuckers. You hear about Frank Ryans.’

‘I did,’ Guillermo said. ‘But like I said, they didn’t frighten me at all. Bullying the weak, the defenceless, the cowardly is a easy thing to do.’

‘But why kidnap Glenn,’ Rick said. ‘You got the guns, why go through the bother of doing that?’

Guillermo shrugged. 'My boys aren’t perfect, I hate to admit it. Besides, you had Miguel too. We needed some insurance policy. But it’s like I said too. You went out of your way to go after him. It shows you are different to those arseholes who left our people behind when the shit hit the fan. We needed those guns to defend ourselves. Not just against the dead but people too. I know you said that the bag is yours, but I think we can make a compromise. We give you some guns, we take the rest. You up for that?’

Rick seemed to ponder, then he nodded. ‘Half and half sound about good?’

‘Deal. You can keep the bag itself since you’re going out there again. I just hope your people can make it.’

‘And yours,’ Rick answered.

‘If you ever need help, just come back here. The more, the merrier is what I say.’ As Guillermo got up and shook all their hands, Glenn once again pondered on the strange turn of events that seemed to be happening to him for the past couple of days. _Whatever is going to happen next?_ He did not really want to know the answer to that.

As Rick and T-Dog went over to exchange the guns with Guillermo, Glenn walked up to Holly to say his goodbye. She smiled and kissed his cheek. ‘You take care now, yes? Go and say hello to that girl of yours, you’ll thank me for it someday. My late husband’s friend was the one that got me and him together. I’ll never forget that as long as I live. You always have to act on your feelings, you never know what life is going to take away from you.’

‘I will,’ Glenn promised. ‘You take care Holly now, you hear me.’

‘Of course, darling. Oh, I think Jamie is wanting to talk to you.’ Glenn turned around. Jamie was the man with the baseball cap. He seemed nervous, his cheeks flushed.

‘You okay?’ Glenn asked. Despite knowing the group’s true intentions, he found he was still a little weary to be around them after being locked in the storage room for so long. ‘It’s just, I wanted to say I’m sorry for acting so tough around you. Guillermo seems to think you’re a good guy, and I go by what that guy says on anything. Again, I’m sorry.’

‘No worries man, I get it.’ ‘Here,’ Jamie took off his cap and pressed it in Glenn’s hand. ‘I don’t have much to give you, so can you please just take this? Best I can do.’

Glenn accepted the hat from him and looked it over. The tip of it was red, the rest white.

‘Thanks Jamie. Good luck.’

‘And you.’

 _Great, as if I’m going to wear this old thing. I guess I’ll put it on for the way out just to be polite._ He put it on, and joined Rick and T-Dog as they left the building. Guillermo showed them the way out, and all four said their goodbyes before they were on the way back. T-Dog was currently holding the bag of guns.

‘Well, I guess that wasn’t so bad then,’ Glenn said. ‘They seem like nice people.’ T-Dog nodded. ‘They are. But how long do they have, really?’

‘How long do any of us?’ Rick answered. ‘I think they’ll be fine, but we should be quick. We don’t want those walkers getting us because we’re chatting in the middle of the street.’

‘Good point.’

The three found travelled back to the truck, dodging areas infested with walkers and waiting minutes at a time to allow a single walker to pass out of sight. It was not an easy task, being quiet on their feet. Glenn was used to it however, but he couldn’t resist the moan he let escape his mouth when they got back to the park.

‘Shit, the van is gone!’

There was no sign of the van.

‘You think Daryl?’ T-Dog asked Rick.

Rick nodded. ‘That’ll be my bet. I don’t know if he’ll go back to the camp or not. He said he wouldn’t, but I don’t know if he will.’

‘Well, let’s find a car,’ Glenn said. ‘I can hotwire one up if need be.’

‘How the hell do you know how to hotwire a car?’ T-Dog asked. ‘I never would have figured you to be the petty criminal type.’

Glenn shrugged. ‘When I was younger, I wanted to piss off my nana by just existing. She seemed to be pissed off by it anyway, so I figured I might as well do something to actually earn her disapproval.’

T-Dog chuckled. ‘Forgive me, but I never would have guessed you would have done something like that.’

‘Me neither,’ Rick said. ‘I remember you saying it when we were trying to get the truck in the first place, but I couldn’t do that in the middle of it all.’

‘I forgot you were a cop!’ Glenn said. ‘Shit, you aren’t going to arrest me or anything when this is all said and done, are you?’

Rick smiled. ‘I’ll think about it.’

**Night 64**

Carol went through her clothes again, folding them up neatly and placing them in the corner of the tent. Sophia was sitting by her father, reading a book with a torchlight in hand.

And her father, he was watching her with his beady little eyes. Eyes that were like squashed watermelons. Shane had done a hammer on him. He was a grotesque sight, and every little movement caused him to groan and twitch.

‘So I was thinking,’ Carol spoke up. She heard the desperation in her voice and cringed at the sound of it. _Come on, Carol. Speak up or he’s not going to let you._

Sophia looked up. Ed didn’t bother looking at her, he only had eyes for Sophia. ‘Thinking what, woman?’ He said. ‘I can’t read no damn minds.’

Clearing her throat, Carol continued. ‘I was thinking Sophia and I can join the fish fry. It makes no sense for us to be cooped up in here with you when you can’t come out to get the food for us. Sophia can play with her friends and I’ll bring the fish back to you, I hear Andrea and Amy caught a lot of fish.’

Ed looked up then, and Carol knew she made a mistake _. I shouldn’t have brought up Andrea. Oh god, I forgot. How can I be so stupid?_ ‘You serious, Carol? After what that monster did to me? You’d let your own daughter go near him, and all those other good for nothing bastards and whores just so you can continue to shame me in public? I think the fuck not.’

Sophia looked back at her book, and Carol’s heart broke at the sight of it. Ed was right, she couldn’t continue to shame him in this manner. _I did enough damage today. The abuse wouldn’t be worth it if I kept doing more._

And yet, she thought of the grenade she had in her bag. She had found it when ironing the sheriff’s uniform, tucked away in his top pocket. She had thought about that grenade a lot today, even if she didn’t know how to use it or even much about it for that manner.

She pictured Ed looking at their daughter. He had been doing it a lot lately, even before everything turned upside down. She looked Ed straight in the eye. ‘I think she wants to join in.’

Sophia looked up from her book, eyes widening. _I’m not sticking to the script anymore sweetheart. I’m just as shocked as you are, trust me._

‘What did you say?’ Ed tried to get up from his bed, but his injuries caused him to groan and he sat back down. He closed his eyes and cursed in frustration. ‘Come, Sophia,’ and without waiting for her daughter she turned around and left the tent before her courage broke.

She felt her knees weakening, she could have collapsed there and then. _Oh god, I’m in for it now. But the grenade, Carol. Think of the grenade._ Sophia stepped out of the tent, and Carol quickly grabbed Sophia’s hand.

‘You excited to see Carl tonight?’ Carol asked. S _he came out. My beautiful girl, I promise you he isn’t going to hurt you like he has hurt me._

‘Of course,’ Sophia answered instantly. ‘But won’t daddy be angry with us?’

‘No, he’s just in pain,’ Carol said. ‘He’ll be in a better mood when we come home, I’m sure of it. Wait, do you hear that?’ Carol stopped and Sophia followed suit.

Mother and daughter leaned in to hear. They could hear the cheery talk and laughter coming from the heart of the camp, but clearly Carol had heard something else to make them both stop in their footsteps. ‘I can’t hear anything mama,’ Sophia said. ‘You’re probably right, dear. I thought I heard an owl.’ They continued on their path.

*

He was boiling with rage.

He didn’t know how he got out from that building, all of it was a blur. All he could picture was that damn eejit’s facial expression on that rooftop, the realisation that he had murdered somebody. And not just any somebody. His own brother to boot.

He had made the promise of not causing any trouble, of killing anybody in retaliation. But he was sure they had made that promise to his brother, who for all his faults did not deserve to be locked and left behind like a battered and abused dog.

‘He’s my brother, for fuck sake,’ Daryl muttered. ‘Think I was going to let you away with this? I don’t think so.’ He could hear the moans behind him. The geeks had been following his hoots as far back as the abandoned truck, and more had joined their waves. Lining some of them up into the back of the truck had been the hardest part of the job, but it had been worth it for the gathering he had amassed.

Currently he was crouching through the woods, and off in the distance he could see the faint glimpse of a fire. They were cooking fish, the scent strongly suggested so anyway. Grinning in grim satisfaction, Daryl turned around to look at the horde that he had on his trail. About thirty, maybe even more than that.

_All I need to do now is get away from their path and let them carry on._

It was not something that Daryl worried about too much. He had been a hunter all his life and knew the tricks of the trade in luring prey to a trap.

He could easily lure predators to a bunch of unaware prey just as much.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shit, this ended up being longer than I was expecting. I figured to just leave it at it being clear that Daryl is in part responsible for the camp attack that happens in this story of TWD, just to hit home the butterfly effect. Some things will stay the same, but there will be twists to it. This is one such example of that. 
> 
> I skipped over Rick and T-Dog going to the retirement home because it mostly played the same as canon as you saw. I thought it would have been more interesting to explore Glenn's stay as a result. The idea to give his cap some sort of origins literally just came to me as I was writing it so I decided to just throw it in. Why not make Guillermo and his gang have some sort of impact on the characters I say. 
> 
> Some characters I'm finding are easier to write for than others. As TWD aired over the years I wrote multiple posts defending and analyzing Andrea and Lori so I guess their voices just come natural to me. Shane is going to be a tough one I think, but the toughest of them all is clearly going to be Dale. I can't stand him! But he is not a bad man in either canon. 
> 
> Again like I said in chapter two, the racism by characters like the Dixon brothers I do not share in real life. Nor will any other bigoted dialogue that could come up in the story, its all to do with the characters and their prejudices. To stray away from that just wouldn't be realistic. 
> 
> As usual, hope you are all enjoying the story and feel free to comment!


	5. Night 64 - Day 65

The night had been magical for the group. The fish had been cooked and passed amongst them all, everybody thanking Andrea and Amy for their contribution to the group.

‘Where did you guys learn to fish?’ Dale asked.

Amy looked at Andrea, and the pair of them broke into smiles. ‘Our dad,’ Andrea answered. ‘He wanted us to at least be able to fish if nothing else growing up, he was a big fisherman.

’ ‘It’s really delicious,’ Carl piped up. Lori agreed, and so did everybody else.

Amy felt a flush of delight flow through her. _At least everybody is enjoying themselves, for a change._

Indeed, their nights had not always been like this. Most nights had been the survivors retreating to their tents, or in their cases the big RV Dale had. Amy was grateful to the old man for that. She didn’t have to worry about being caught out in the rain without a proper roof over her head or suffer the cold.

Cold which bred resentment and paranoia, dark thoughts about the state of the world. No, they hadn’t had a nice night like this in a while.

Amy leaned her head against Andrea and soaked the whole scene before her in. _It’s good we went on a trip together. If the world is going to end, at least I have Andrea by my side._

‘You okay?’ Andrea asked her. At the moment, Morales laughed at something Louis had said, which of course got both Carl and Eliza giggling away before the boy joined in.

‘I am,’ Amy said. ‘You?’

Andrea sighed. ‘I am. Just wanted to know why you were getting so close to me there, that’s all.’

Amy laughed. ‘Can’t get close to my own sister now, huh?’

Andrea shook her head. ‘It’s not like that at all. Tell her, Dale. Don’t you think she is acting a little out of character?’

Dale raised his hands up. ‘Girls, you know me. I’m staying out of whatever quarrels you two have. Growing up with three sisters taught me that for sure.’

‘You had three sisters?’ Jacqui asked. Amy noted that Jacqui had been quiet throughout the night, only participating in conversation if somebody invited her. _I bet it has something to do with Jim._ Jim had shied away from all the conversation, still in the RV thinking about his family. He had not been the only one to not join in. Ed, Carol, and Sophia were not there either.

‘Yeah,’ Dale said. ‘Bonnie, Hilary and Carla. Three wicked witches of the west, I used to call them.’ He looked down now. ‘I miss them.’

‘Oh honey,’ Jacqui said as she go up from her spot and gave Dale a tight hug. ‘I would have loved to have met them. Especially if they were as nice as you have been, helping out those woman over there.’

‘It’s true,’ Andrea said, and Amy nodded her head.

Dale had truly helped them out in more than one way since this had all started. She still dreamt of it sometimes. The bombs dropping on Atlanta, the panicked screams of everybody as they attempted to run in every direction imaginable. They had been in a city block, and Amy had held onto Andrea’s hand tightly as they ran with the rest, not knowing where they would end up in their sheer panic to just stay alive.

Bullets had been sprayed by the military who were on the ground and not in the sky. It had been sheer luck that they had not been hit, nothing more. And just when all had looked lost and the undead crowd had finally found them, an RV had come out of nowhere and an old man had ushered for them to climb on board before it was too late.

‘Oh please,’ Dale was saying now. ‘I would have done what anybody else would have done, nothing more to it.’

‘Well, we appreciate it,’ Andrea said. Amy agreed.

A sense of quiet settled around the four of them, but it was a comfortable silence. Morales was trying to keep up with the children, and Miranda was eagerly chatting away to Lori. Even that’s unusual for Miranda. The only person that seemed out of place was Shane. He had a cool bottle of beer in his lap, courtesy of Dale’s RV which still had power for now to cool up an icebox. But he made no attempt in trying to engage in any joyful conversation, only nodded his head when anybody caught his eye as he sipped his beer.

Amy wondered if maybe she had been mistaken. Maybe things weren’t so different now as she thought they had been, and it was only her and Andrea in their own little world with Dale that made it seem as if everybody was enjoying themselves beside the children.

A snap of twigs made everybody look up. Andrea instinctively held onto Amy’s hand, and she squeezed back to show support. _We’re always prepared. Always._

Instead of one of the infected as they had feared, it was only Carol with her daughter Sophia. Amy let out a breath of relief she did not know she had been holding, and Andrea let go of her hand.

‘Hey, Carol,’ Lori called out. ‘Come join us, there’s plenty of fish for everybody.’

‘That’s right,’ Amy said. ‘Andrea and I caught a lot today, you and Sophia are more than welcome.’

She felt her worries disappear into the back of her mind. Maybe the mood before hadn’t been so cheerful as she imagined, but the sight of the Peletier mother and daughter who were rarely seen out and about with the group in this way was enough to warm her heart. _I just hope that bastard doesn’t show his face._ She had never thought herself capable of standing up for somebody like she had done for Carol against Ed, and she felt ashamed that she never raised her voice about such issues before.

Sitting next to a woman who made it her job and career to speak up for people only made her feel more inadequate. Amy felt dizzy. Her feelings kept swirling around her, switching from a joyful mood to a somber one. It reminded her all too well of the life she had before being forced to hide out in woods and RV’s, a life which she didn’t know what she wanted out of it just yet and had been expected to do for years.

_God, I need a drink. I should ask Dale if he still has any bottles left over._

‘Thank you all,’ Carol said. ‘Sophia, go play with your friends. I’ll sit here,’ and Carol walked over to sit next to Lori and Miranda. The women greeted her warmly, and soon all conversation started to flow as it had been.

Amy got up herself. ‘Where are you going?’ Andrea asked. Amy looked at her sister, and felt love stronger than she had ever felt before in her life. _I’m going to be okay. So long as you can guide me, I’m going to be okay._ ‘To the bathroom,’ Amy said with mock disgust. ‘Jeez, you try to be discreet around here.’

This comment sent the kids off giggling once again. Amy was glad as she walked over to the RV. Remembering Jim was in the RV gave her pause. She hoped he was sleeping as she got into the RV, and to her relief he was. Tiptoeing past him, Amy went into the toilet only to realise that there was no toilet paper.

_Oh for god sake, of course there wouldn’t be any roll when I actually need it._

Amy turned back and went to leave. Her thoughts turned to Glenn briefly. He was out there with Rick, T-Dog and that Dixon man, in the city that had been bombed and left behind for the infected to take over. She could admit the thought gave her fright and thinking of how Glenn would no doubt get toilet roll for her if she asked and risk his life for it only made that fright stronger.

 _Andrea’s right. I need to tell Glenn how I feel. Maybe he won’t risk his life so much if he knew how I felt, that is if he even cares about me in that way_.

Amy stepped out into the night. ‘We’re out of toilet paper,’ she announced. 

Suddenly she felt a hand grip hard on her arm. She turned around instantly, heart going million miles a minute as she saw the infected dig his teeth into her arm.

For a second that felt like a lifetime, Amy did not feel any pain. She could only stare at the man before her, and strangely to her the first thought that popped into her mind had been, _I don’t know who this man is. Surely I would have seen him around camp before._

That second was over, and now she felt the pain. And she screamed.

The infected dug his teeth out, her blood spraying every which way. She felt it splatter on her own face as she pushed with her other hand to push the infected away. She did not see the infected behind her, who grabbed her from behind and bit into her shoulder.

*

Amy’s scream snapped him awake.

He found that he had been near dozing, thoughts of Rick in Atlanta occupying his mind. _Stupid man, running away from his family like that. Something better not have happened to him._

It had been better than thinking of the look of betrayal that would be on his face if he knew about his friend and wife had been sleeping together in his absence. Shane knew the real thing, if it ever became a reality, would be a hell of a lot harder to bare.

But now he was up from his chair, and he instantly saw what was going on. Andrea let out her own scream of horror as she did too. Amy was currently getting her hand chewed off by one of the monsters, and another was approaching her from behind.

Carl’s screams forced him to turn around, and as he did so his eyes widened. There were at least twenty, maybe more of the monsters coming out from the woods. The shadows had hid them well in the night, now they were all out in the open.

He turned to face Lori, who had instantly rushed over to grab Carl. _Lori. Carl. Fuck._

‘Get behind me,’ Shane roared. ‘Come on!’ It didn’t take Lori a moment to hesitate, she just grabbed onto Carl’s hand and rushed towards him. No matter what falling out they had, that was behind them now. Now all that mattered was their lives and the danger that presented itself to them.

‘What do we do, Shane?’ Lori asked.

All around him was confusion. People running and screaming, trying to get away from the monsters. Andrea was running up to her sister, Dale not far behind her. Jacqui had grabbed onto a shovel and was currently hitting a walker in the face. Morales was too, his daughter huddled behind him.

Shane quickly grabbed the rifle from the ground. _Fuck! I let myself get distracted. No time for that now, just keep them alive!_

‘Get behind me!’ Shane said as he aimed his rifle. It was hard to see in the night, but he positioned his scope and pulled the trigger at the nearest monster. His head exploded in a shower of blood.

Morales turned around and urged Eliza to get behind Shane. Carol and Sophia were already behind him too, Lori ushering them all to form a tight circle as the walkers in front slowly but surely approached the only living feast that they had in a while.

‘Help!’ The voice froze Shane, and he turned with his rifle to see that Louis was on the ground. He was looking up tearfully as a walker missing his lower jaw lurched forward to grab him.

_Bang._

Once again, he met his target. The walker dropped down dead. Miranda was running towards Louis, Morales not far behind her. Miranda grabbed her boy and quickly turned him around the other direction, Morales picked the boy up and the family tried to run. Tried to run was the key line. More walkers appeared from the darkness, their horrible moans harmonising with one another to make a dreadful sound that Shane would never forget so long as he lived.

The ones at the front were lucky with their ever reaching claws, as they grabbed onto the back of Miranda’s dress and pulled her towards them. Miranda let out an agonizing scream as teeth sunk into her back.

Morales turned around, boy in hand and could only stare stupidly at the sight before him as his wife fell pinned to the ground, plenty of walkers clambering over her as they tucked into their food.

‘Morales, get back!’ Shane shouted. He aimed his rifle and fired at the ones not distracted by Miranda below them, eyes never leaving the father holding the boy who saw everything.

Eliza let out a whimper behind him, and he heard Lori try to comfort her.

Backing away, Shane continued to fire and shouted his orders again. Morales blinked and turned around slowly, Louis sobbing in his arms. _He’s going to get that boy killed. Fuck._

Cursing, Shane told the group behind him to stay where they were as he ran forward. He roughly grabbed onto Morales and dragged him to the group. He knew he should have been gentler with Louis caught in the middle, but the situation did not call for delicacy.

In front of him he saw the struggle at the RV. Jacqui and Dale were fending off walkers with their own weapons in one side, Jim on the other side was just pushing the walkers away. Andrea was cradling Amy’s body, sobbing her heart out. Like Morales, she was unaware of the world around her.

_We’re going to die. This is it. We’re going to die._

His eyes caught Lori’s own, and he sensed that she was having the same thoughts as him. That was when shots fired out.

Shane quickly turned around with his rifle, caught by surprise. It was not just the monsters coming out of the darkness anymore. Rick, Glenn and T-Dog each had their shotguns and pistols, firing away. The sight of the men gave Shane a rush of hope that he hadn’t had in a long time. Not willing to miss the chance to beat the undead menace, Shane joined in their ranks as he aimed his rifle and fired at the walkers near him.

And just as quick as it began, the massacre was at an end. All around them were broken bodies and burst heads.

Morales let go of Louis, who ran to his sister and the pair of them were hugged tightly by Lori, and stumbled towards his wife who had been lying facedown on the ground amongst all the other walkers. He let out a wordless cry, buried his hands in his face and began to sob. Shane turned around to give the man privacy, only he saw Andrea still cradling Amy.

Amy’s eyes were glassy, lifeless. He had seen that look before. Too many times.

‘Amy,’ Andrea said softly at first. Her voice was no softer than a whisper, but the stunned silence as reaction to what had just happened made it possible to hear outside of Morales’ sobs.

‘Amy!’ Her voice rose, and she sobbed desperately as the reality of the situation hit her. Shane looked at Rick then, who looked at him solemnly.

 _There’s no going back from this_.

**Day 65**

Andrea sat by Amy’s side all night. Her clothes were soaked in her blood, her own sister’s blood. Amy’s eyes still stared at her, frozen in eternity.

_Accusing. They are accusing._

Brushing a string of Amy’s hair to go behind her ear, Andrea examined every detail of her sister’s face. Every freckle, every mole. She needed to take it all in, before it was time to put her in the dirt where she would rot into a corpse.

Andrea closed her eyes. _Breathe, Andrea. Breathe._

She couldn’t believe this was happening. She was the elder sister by twelve years. It should have been her that passed away from the world first, and on her deathbed surrounded by loved ones at that. Not in the horrifying mangled way Amy had went out, feeling every bite that had drained her of life. _And dad. And mom. If they’re alive, they don’t know she’s gone. They don’t know their sweetheart is gone._

The thought was enough to drive Andrea mad. She had made peace with the fact she would most likely never see her parents again even if they were alive. They were in two different states, things were bad enough that she couldn’t see how they possibly could reunite. Amy had shamed her the other day for harboring such dark thoughts, and that just cut a knife into Andrea’s heart all the more.

_You were always the nicer one. Always so hopeful and light and gentle, so brave. I didn’t deserve a sister like you._

She felt a presence before her then. His shadow hung over them both, living sister and dead sister. She turned around to see who it was. Dale. Andrea turned back to face Amy. She did not know if she could bare to keep looking into those soulless eyes, once so filled with life and joy. But a part of her deserved it, if she was being honest with herself. Maybe she deserved all the judgement in the world. She had let Amy down once again. She didn’t protect her like she said she would.

‘It’s not your fault, you know,’ Dale said as he sat down besides her. Andrea didn’t look to face Dale, she would face her punishment for as long as she could.

‘I blamed myself for a long time after my wife passed,’ Dale continued on when it became clear Andrea wasn’t going to respond. ‘But the thing was, it was out of my control. Irma didn’t want to keep having the chemotherapy. Said she was losing a part of her soul every time she did it.’

Dale let out a small chuckle. It was harsh and bitter, not at all like the nice old man who had taken both sisters in under his wing. It made Andrea look at him then. _Amy adored you. Thought you were the nicest old man ever, except her dad of course._

Dale nodded slightly. ‘I didn’t understand what she meant. When I think back to it, I didn’t want to understand. How could I? We were meant to grow as old as possible together before dying peacefully in our sleep. Not die when you’ve just hit your fifties.’

‘I’m sorry,’ Andrea said.

‘Don’t be,’ Dale said. ‘Like I said, it was out of my control. Out of Irma’s control, too. We didn’t want the cancer, I mean who wants cancer really? But she could control how to deal with the cancer. She wanted to do it her way.’ Dale turned to look at Amy. ‘Amy was like that, I think. Just like the rest of us, she couldn’t control how this world turned out. But she could control how she acted, and she was one of the nicest woman I’ve ever had the pleasure of knowing. Always had a kind word to say to everybody.’

Andrea smiled slightly then. ‘You obviously were never at the back end of her wit.’

Dale chuckled then. ‘Well, I suppose I wasn’t. But that is what I mean. She loved you, Andrea. She wouldn’t blame you for this. It’s nobody’s fault. I hope you realize that.’

Andrea sighed as she stroked Amy’s hair. ‘But it is mine, Dale. I should have been on guard last night. Too busy celebrating a stupid fish fry to focus on something that mattered.’

Dale shook his head. ‘Nah, I don’t believe that for a second. And I know you don’t either deep down.’

The two settled into a silence then. Not comfortable, but not awkward either. Just content.

Andrea spoke up. ‘You know today is her birthday, right?’

‘No,’ Dale said. He looked down. ‘What age?’

‘Twenty five today,’ Andrea said. Forever twenty four. She reached into her pocket and took out the necklace Rick had allowed her to keep. The memory did nothing for her now, it felt as distant as a memory from a thousand years ago.

Andrea held the necklace up, the sunlight reflecting off the mermaid. ‘She loved mermaids,’ Andrea said. ‘I like to think she would have loved this.’

‘She would have,’ Dale said. ‘I hope so,’ Andrea said as she placed the necklace around Amy’s neck. She kissed Amy’s forehead, and felt the tears well up in her eyes. ‘Can you leave me, Dale?’ She asked. ‘I need to be alone.’

‘I will,’ Dale got up from his knees and stood. ‘But I need you to promise me something, Andrea. You don’t have to do this alone. I can be here, for when the time comes.’

 _So that is why he is here._ The weight of her gun had never felt so heavy. But even if Dale didn’t think she was capable of doing what needed to be done, Andrea knew that she would be able to.

‘It’s fine,’ she replied. ‘I’m all the family Amy’s got left. It needs to be me.’

Dale sounded hurt as he said, ‘okay,’ and he left them where they were. Andrea did not watch him go.

She had heard the low murmurs of conversation at camp that morning, she knew the camp was alive with activity as they got on with whatever they were doing in the morning of such an unexpected attack. She did not care what they were doing, so long as they left her with this task that no older sister should have to carry out. She was in her own world, a world which only she and her sister existed in. And Dale, for a short time.

 _Don’t worry Amy. The safety’s off. Just come back to me, one last time._

It couldn’t have been long after Dale had left the pair of them when Amy’s eyes started to close then flutter open. Once, twice. Her blue eyes had been replaced with the milky white. _Better than the hideous yellow, I suppose._ Yet even still, Andrea looked deep into those eyes. A small moan escaped Amy’s lips as she started her new life, unaware that her name had even been Amy.

‘Hey,’ Andrea smiled. The tears were flooding down her cheeks now. She couldn’t help it.

Her words attracted Amy’s attention almost instantly. Her hands went up to grab her, her mouth open and snarling. Andrea pushed down firmly, not letting her get the chance. She reached for the gun on the ground, her thoughts a flurry of activity as she held down her young sister on the cold and hard ground. ‘I’m sorry, Amy.’

Andrea picked up the gun. She remembered a day long ago, when she had been called home from school to be told that her mother was having the baby. She had been so excited she practically ran into the hospital room, ponytail flying mid-air as her eyes first laid sight on a bundle of joy in her mother’s arms.

‘I’m sorry,’ Andrea closed her eyes as she aimed the gun at Amy. She remembered burping her. She remembered walking across the road with her, hand in hand. She remembered brushing her hair, tying her laces for her, kicking ball with her. She also remembered distant phone calls. Promises to be there that were never kept. The look of hurt when she had to excuse herself from dinner, she really needed to take this call.

_I did not deserve you at all Amy. You deserved the world._

With a pull of the trigger, Andrea fired the gun and Amy was truly no more.

*

The sound drew Rick’s attention from his conversation with Lori. The pair of them looked over to see Andrea crying now, her hands around her face as Dale approached her to comfort her. She let him hug her, Amy’s body now on the ground and no chance in getting back up again.

‘Poor girl,’ Lori sighed. ‘She was such a nice girl, always had a nice thing to say to Carl.’

Rick looked at his wife then. She looked tired, he noticed. He supposed he must have looked exhausted as well. None of the group had been able to sleep in the night, not since the attack. _Who can blame us?_

‘I’m sorry for leaving you and Carl,’ Rick said. ‘I know I made a promise before, but I’ve never come so close in losing you both as I did last night. From now on, I’m never leaving again.’

Lori looked at him, her eyes shining with tears. ‘Rick, you’ve made these promises before. But you know and I know if you didn’t do what you did, we would all be dead right now.’

‘Come here,’ Rick said and the pair of them hugged one another tightly. Rick looked beyond to see Shane, T-Dog and Glenn digging graves. Shane gave Rick a quick look, before turning back to the task at hand. _I need to talk to him soon. I don’t think I’ve spoken to him since I came back._

Breaking the hug apart, Rick turned to Lori. ‘You know where Morales is?’

‘He’s sleeping in the RV. Dale let him have the place for now. I don’t think he would go back to that tent anytime soon. His kids are with him too.’

Rick nodded. ‘That’s good.’ He looked around the camp. Jim and Jacqui were seen talking quietly to one another, Carl and Sophia not far away from them. Lori turned to see where he was looking and frowned. ‘You know, I wonder where Carol is? You would think even her husband would be out and about after all this.’

‘I’ll go check on them. Where is their tent?’ Rick asked and Lori provided directions.

A quick kiss and he walked across the camp, determined to find out about the Peletier couple. Carl noticed him and stopped talking to Sophia to run over. ‘Dad.’

‘Yeah, son,’ Rick found Carl wrapping his arms around him, hugging him tightly. Rick hugged him back. This had not been the first hug father and son shared since he got back from Atlanta, nor would it be the last. _God, he’s been through so much shit already and he’s only eight. How are we going to come back from this?_

‘I was so worried about you dad,’ Carl was saying now. He looked Rick straight in the eye. ‘Promise you wont leave me again.’

Rick bent down on one knee. ‘I promise I won’t, Carl. You can bet on it. Things are going to be different now. You and your mom, I’m never letting you out of my sight again.’

‘That’s what Jim said yesterday,’ Carl said. ‘He told me I shouldn’t stay out of your sight at all.’

Rick nodded. ‘Jim’s right, son. I was foolish in going away in the first place, but I’m glad I got those guns to protect you. How are you feeling?’

‘I’m sad,’ Carl replied with the honesty that only a eight year old could muster. His eyes welled with tears. ‘Amy and Louis and Eliza’s mom were so nice. Why did they get to die?’

Rick felt his throat cracking as he said, ‘sometimes bad things happen to good people, Carl. It’s unfair, and I wish like hell you didn’t have to witness what you saw last night. But I promise you Carl with everything that I have that will never happen to you, you hear me? You don’t need to be frightened because me and your mother and uncle Shane will look out for you at all times, you hear me.’

Carl took in his words, and nodded. Rick hugged him once more before sending him off his way to Sophia, before continuing his trail to find Carol.

He found her at the edge of the camp, to see her sitting there staring at her tent. She did not notice him until he gently touched her shoulder. ‘What’s wrong?’ He asked.

Carol looked up at him with tear streaked cheeks. ‘Ed, he didn’t make it.’ She drifted back into silence. It was then that Rick understood. Ed had been killed in last night’s attack, isolated away from everybody else as they had gotten attacked.

‘He in there?’ Rick asked.

Carol nodded, but before he went to go inside the tent to take care of business Carol grabbed his arm. He looked down upon her and was almost taken aback by the fury held in her eyes. ‘Drag him out please. I need to take care of this myself.’

Rick nodded, not questioning why as he went into the tent and waved away the stench of death and body odor. Ed had not gone out easy. His entire entrails were hanging from his stomach, bite marks all over his arms, legs and neck. His eyes stared stupidly at him in frozen shock.

Rick grabbed his hands and pulled the body out of the tent. Carol got up then, and she grabbed a pickaxe that was nearby.

‘You sure Carol?’ Rick asked. ‘A gun would be cleaner.’

Carol shook her head. ‘Guns make noise. I don’t want to disturb my daughter anymore than she has been.’

And with a swing of the pickaxe Carol found her target in Ed’s head. Blood erupted like a fountain, but Carol did not stop there. Openly weeping, she pulled the pickaxe out of her husband’s head and then struck again and again and again. Rick continued to watch on, letting her release her fury. _Who knows how many years of pent up frustration she has had in her._

Finally, it was at an an end. Carol dropped the pickaxe and looked shocked, as if she had not been in control of her own body as she had finished off her husband for good. Rick turned around to see T-Dog watching from a distance. He caught Rick’s eye and motioned for him to come over.

‘You going to be okay?’ Rick asked Carol. Carol nodded. ‘I will be. Thank you, Rick.’

Rick walked to T-Dog, who beckoned him in for a walk. They did so in silence, each knowing what the other was thinking and waiting for one of them to make the first word. It was T-Dog who did.

‘It was Daryl who did this. You saw the truck.’

Rick remained silent. They had passed the abandoned truck on the way over here in their new jeep, and before he had heard the gunshots and screams Rick knew something was going down at the camp.

 _Leaving Merle behind caused all of this_.

Rick wanted to punch the walls. He wanted to be sick. Most of all he wanted to weep.

‘It was Daryl,’ he finally said. ‘So it’s my fault Amy’s dead,’ T-Dog said glumly. ‘Miranda’s too. And I guess Ed over there.’

‘No,’ Rick said. ‘It’s my fault too. But think about what would have happened if we didn’t have those bags of guns. We could all have died.’

‘We could still have got that bag of guns if Merle Dixon was breathing,’ T-Dog pointed out. ‘He didn’t need to die for that to happen.’

Rick closed his eyes. ‘Then we’ve got blood on our hands.’

T-Dog pondered on his words before agreeing. ‘That we do, my friend. That we do.’

*

Jacqui sighed as she arched her back. The corpses were all getting thrown into a pile, and she had been helping the men carry them from the ground and to the pile.

She looked at poor Glenn, who looked utterly lost as he helped Jim throw a body into the pile. _Poor kid, he’s got to be feeling the loss of Amy._

Jacqui brushed back her own tears, thinking of the girl. And Miranda. She looked over to where they had covered both Miranda and Amy’s bodies with white sheets. Ready for a funeral. Jacqui had had enough of funerals to last a lifetime. She did not feel ready for another one.

She heard Jim panting, and looked at him in concern. ‘You should have a break. You too, Glenn. We’re doing nobody good killing ourselves in this heat carrying all this weight.’

Jim shook his head. ‘Nah. I need to keep on going. I can’t stop.’

‘You’re wearing sleeves,’ Jacqui pointed out. ‘You must be roasting in that jumper. Take it off and have a break, please.’

‘What did I say, woman,’ Jim snapped. Jacqui was taken aback, but she hadn’t forgotten the incident the other day. She knew this must have hit hard for Jim, too. _Hit hard for all of us, God help us._

It was then that she noticed the blood on Jim’s sleeve. ‘Jim, you’ve got blood on you,’ she said. She could feel her heart racing. _Don’t let it be so._

Jim looked down at his sleeve. ‘It’s nothing. Just off one of these damn things, that’s all. Come on Glenn, help me move this fucker.’ Glenn followed his instructions, but Jacqui was never one to let sleeping dogs lie. And she let them know it.

‘Pull up your sleeve, then,’ she said. ‘Lift up your sleeve and tell me it’s not what I think it is.’

Jim spat, and for a second Jacqui expected he would hit her. Instead, he pulled up his sleeve. Jacqui let out a gasp at her own suspicions being proved correct. It was indeed a bite mark.

Glenn let out a small whistle, watching the scene unfold. Jim wiped sweat off his head, looking at the pair of them.

‘I know I’m fucked,’ he said. ‘I know I’m fucked.’

He collapsed on the spot, hands on his head and sobbing openly. ‘I’m so fucked.’

Jacqui hesitated, before she bent down and hugged him. He let her take him in her arms like he had the other day, crying. Jacqui hushed him and watched as Dale approached.

‘What’s going on?’ Jacqui studied Dale and realized that for once he looked every bit of his sixty four years. Glenn awkwardly rubbed the back of his head, careful not to knock his hat off. Jacqui struggled to find the words to say, but she said them anyway.

‘It’s Jim, he’s been bitten.’

‘No,’ Dale said. He bent to his knees and looked at Jim. ‘Not you too.’

Jim laughed at that, although Jacqui feared he choked at first. ‘No old man. My time’s up. No father should have to outlive his children and wife, it’s not right.’ 

‘We don’t know this is a death sentence,’ Jacqui said. She could hear how desperate she sounded, and she winced. She hated to not be in control of a situation of her own feelings. ‘You could still stay alive.’

‘You ever hear of anybody surviving a bite mark?’ Jim asked. ‘I don’t think so. No, I’ve been bitten and there’s nothing anybody can do about it.’ #Jacqui got up then. She found herself angry, something that took her by surprise. Judging by everybody else’s faces, it took them by surprise too.

‘Fine,’ she said. ‘Don’t fight it. How can anybody know that there’s nothing we can do about it yet? For all we know there could be a cure waiting us down for the CDC. And you are selfish enough to just call it quits? Do you think your wife would want you thinking like that?’

‘Jacqui,’ Dale said. ‘That’s enough.’

Jacqui felt the tears in her eyes, not from sadness but from anger. ‘No it’s not, Dale. I’m sorry, but if you’ve just accepted your fate then I don’t want nothing to do with it.’

And just like that she stormed off, not wanting them to see her cry.

*

Word had spread around the camp about Jim’s condition. He was currently in the RV, Morales having left to give himself and the kids some fresh air.

Shane vowed that he would check up on Morales soon, say his word of condolences. But right now he was standing outside the RV, gathering up the courage to get in and say his peace with Jim. He did not feel he would have if it had not been for the other day.

But the other day had happened. And so Shane stepped inside and saw him lying on the couch, a blanket draped over him. Jim tried to smile at him, but the movement must have trigged some sort of agnostic pain inside him. He winced.

_He looks a mess._

‘How are you doing?’ Shane asked as he sat in one of the chairs opposite Jim. The RV stank of death, which was slightly better than the smell of burning bodies coming from the outside of the vehicle.#

‘I feel like utter shit,’ Jim said. He laughed before he started coughing. Shane immediately got up and poured a glass of water to give to him. Jim drunk it greedily.

‘Thanks, man.’ Jim closed his eyes. ‘Soon this’ll all be over.’

Shane nodded. A part of him knew he should have protested, said something like it won’t be over. He still had time to fix this. Shane was more practical than that.

‘You were right,’ Jim said.

‘About what?’ Shane asked.

Jim waved his hand. ‘That I scared that boy the other day there. I know I shouldn’t have done that. He’s just a kid. Amy was just a kid, really. But I could tell she was really happy last night, before it all happened. That’s something we should hold onto. I’m sitting here and I’m dying; and the thing I’m wondering is why the fuck was I so worried and paranoid about those things the past couple of months?’

Shane said nothing at first, just looked at the man. And even though he supposed he shouldn’t, he continued the conversation anyway. ‘You were right to be worried,’ Shane said. ‘You saw what they were capable of, what they did to your family.’

Jim shook his head. ‘Nah man, you aren’t listening to me. Sure, we should be prepared for those things. But we can’t let our fear cloud any happiness we might get, you hear me? I mean, what kind of life were we living there the past couple of months? Feeding on squirrels, worried over any old twig snapping. Those kids don’t deserve to live a life like that.’

_They don’t. But that is just how it is now. You saw that the other day._

Shane watched Jim as he settled into a deep sleep, as if he had forgotten Shane was there entirely. Shane sighed and rubbed his eyes. _Haven’t slept in two days now, shit._

Getting up from the chair, Shane looked at Jim and wondered if perhaps they shouldn’t just put him out of his misery just now when he was asleep, when he couldn’t feel anything.

He stepped out of the RV and saw Rick waiting for him. He had his hands folded. ‘We need to talk,’ Rick said.

_Does he know about me and Lori?_

Surprisingly, Shane realized he did not feel one way or the other about that possibility. Perhaps it was because they were in the aftermath of a brutal attack that had claimed four lives, but Shane just couldn’t muster any energy to care if his dirty little secret was out in the open.

‘Of course man,’ Shane said and he followed Rick as they went into the woods. They continued in silence, neither speaking and just listening to the sound of wildlife getting on in their day. Birds and cicadas all singing their songs in their own way. _You could be forgiven for thinking all is right in the world out here._

‘What do you want to talk about?’ Shane asked.

Rick sighed, then he turned around to say, ‘I think it’s my fault this happened, Shane.’

Now that Shane was not expecting. He blinked once, twice. ‘What do you mean?'

Rick rubbed his head. ‘Merle died on that roof, Shane. Daryl nearly killed T-Dog over it, but I managed to stop him. He stormed off and stole our truck, and I saw that truck on our way over here.’ Shane let the words sink in, thinking about the implications of the truck being there.

‘You think Daryl lured them all here?’ Shane asked.

Rick nodded. ‘Yes. Everybody has said what a good hunter he is, it wouldn’t have been too difficult to lure the walkers over here.’

‘No, that’s bullshit brother,’ Shane said. ‘Remember Glenn came in to this camp with that damn sportscar, alarm blaring away. That noise could just as easily have attracted those walkers as Dixon could have, if he even did do it that is.’

Rick looked at him, possible hope flashing across his eyes. ‘You think so.’ Shane nodded. ‘I know so. No matter how it panned out, I think it was inevitable that they would have come out of the city eventually. There can’t be much food left for them in the city now, they are spreading out to the country to look for it.’

Rick sighed. ‘I guess we need to pack up and move. The only question is, where?’

Shane thought about it just for a moment, before saying, ‘Fort Benning. Last I heard, the National Guard were putting up one hell of a fight over there. I say we head for it. I refuse to believe all resistance has fallen to those fuckers. They aren’t that dumb, we took care of them last night easy enough once you came in with the guns.’

But Shane sighed then. _I’ve lifted him up, now I’m going to have him crashing down._

‘What, Shane?’ Rick asked. Shane considering not saying it, but like with Jim he let the truth come out.

‘I don’t think you should have left, that’s all. I don’t blame you for Dixon even if he did lure all those monsters to our camp. But I think our losses would have been a lot less if you were with us from the jump.’

Rick stepped forward so he could be staring Shane directly in the eye. ‘You being serious? If we didn’t go the city for those guns, we would be dead without them.’

Shane shook his head. ‘I don’t know man, security was pretty lax last night. Usually we have a lot more bodies to cover ground.’

‘Then why weren’t you on guard,’ Rick pointed out. ‘Or Morales, or Jim, or Dale or somebody?’ Shane found he had no reply to that, but he wasn’t going to be beaten down. ‘That’s beside the point. We could have used you, T-Dog and Glenn to beat them back. Hell, Andrea came to me the other day wanting me to train her to shoot.’

‘She’s got her gun,’ Rick said. ‘That is her right. But what other guns did we have to defend ourselves with? A rifle, my colt python. What else?’

Shane shook his head. ‘I don’t want to have an argument with you, brother.’

Rick turned away, and agreed. ‘I don’t want to either. But I think you’re wrong in this. I’m glad I went and got those guns, because I think a lot more people would have died if we didn’t.’

 _And what about Lori, Carl. They looked to me for safety, for protection because you weren’t there for them. Again._ Shane was wise enough to let that thought go unspoken. He didn’t particularly like how venomous it sounded in his mind, he did not want to imagine how it would sound coming out loud.

‘So, Fort Benning it is then?’ Shane asked. _Change the subject, keep the ball going._

‘I think we should check the CDC first,’ Rick said. ‘This guy that helped me at the start of it all, Morgan. He mentioned something about it, and I cant help but feel it might still be up and running. For the reasons you talked about with Fort Benning.’

Shane whistled. ‘Well, I guess we could give it a try. But man, I don’t know. They dropped bombs all over the city. You think they would do that to a city with the CDC in it if it was still operating?’

‘I don’t know anything anymore, Shane. Now excuse me, I need to go back to my wife and tell her.’

Shane watched him go. That tone of voice returned to his head again, but he couldn’t help but agree with it.

_You don’t know anything._

*

The funeral was a quiet affair. Nobody said any sermons. No past memories were shared by the victim’s loved ones. It was just a case of digging a hole for three bodies to go in, and filling the hole back up with dirt.

Miranda was laid to rest first. Morales carried her body, wrapped tightly in a white sheet and laid her to rest. Louis and Eliza watched on crying softly, Lori comforting the pair of them as best she could.

Morales reached and pulled himself out before gathering his children close. He looked at Lori and thanked her quietly.

Amy was next. Andrea insisted on carrying the body herself, and she refused assistance from anybody that offered.

‘I can do it,’ her voice cracked. She hadn’t eaten or drunk anything since the fish fry. ‘I can do it.’ To her credit, she managed just fine. Covered in dirt, she seemed lost after finally placing the body in the hole before snapping back to her surroundings. She went to climb out, and Dale offered her his hand to get her up. She accepted graciously, and wrapped herself around him in a tight hug.

The next body had been Ed. Rick and T-Dog carried his body, the white sheet covering the ruin Carol had made of his face. Carol watched on without looking away, holding onto Sophia who sobbed against her knee. She stroked her daughter’s hair, watching her nightmare finally laid to rest.

It had been for Sophia that Ed had been buried with Amy and Miranda instead of being thrown into the bodies to be burnt.

Jim watched all of this as he sat in a chair that had been brought out from the RV for him. He tried to catch Jacqui’s eye, who looked away from him pointedly. _Shit, I’ve really upset her._ He did feel bad for that. It was not in his character to take pleasure in upsetting women, it was something that he always hated. Being raised in a large family filled mostly with woman did that for him. But he had more pressing matters to deal with.

Like the fact the light in the sky was getting less and less as every hour passed, and every little move he made put his bones through a torture he couldn’t possibly imagine. And he was so cold. Despite being covered up in blankets and in the middle of another heatwave, he could not help but shiver.

_Is this what Sharon had to go through? Matthew, Janine, Carly, Emma?_

No, he decided. It had been too quick for them to experience the suffering he was going through. He did not know if that thought was a blessing in disguise. _They might not have suffered then, but they are probably suffering now. Or are they? Are they fully dead, up with the angels in the big bright clouds?_

Jim certainly hoped they were. He hoped with all his might that was the case. He had never much cared for God his whole life, but if there was a God at all he would make sure that his family didn’t remain soulless monsters with a craving for human flesh.

_Always the cheery sod._

Rick was speaking now, and Jim leaned in to listen. He feared that his hearing was going now, but by his estimation he wouldn’t have long to worry about such trivial things as needing to have a hearing aide.

‘Me and Shane have been talking about our next move,’ the officer was saying. ‘After last night, it’s clear we can’t stay here for much longer. It just isn’t safe.’

‘No shit,’ he murmured. He did not know if anybody could hear him.

‘We both agreed to check the CDC out. If it’s not up and running, we’ll give Fort Benning a try.’

‘What about Guillermo and his group,’ Glenn interrupted. ‘Surely we should try and check them out first, they did say we were welcome to come there if we needed to.’

‘Who’s Guillermo?’ Lori asked.

‘This group we ran into in Atlanta,’ Rick answered her. ‘They are at a retirement home, looking after the old people there. They are good people, but they’re in the city. I just don’t think it’s really all that safe there Glenn.’

‘But the CDC is just as much in the city as they are,’ Glenn pointed out. ‘It’ll be worth a check, I think so at least.’

Rick nodded then. ‘Well, we could always nip in if the CDC isn’t safe before we make the big journey to Benning. See if any of them want to join us.’

The group pondered on his words. ‘Do we all have to go together?’ Jacqui asked then. ‘Surely it should be up to each of us on what we want to do next.’

‘This is why we’re having the conversation, Jacqui,’ Rick said. ‘If anybody wants to go their own ways, whether to Fort Benning first or this retirement home or somewhere else entirely, now is the time to speak up so we can give you a weapon to defend yourself with.’

Jacqui nodded. ‘Okay. I was just wondering. I’ll be going to the CDC, there has to be somebody there still running things. There just has to be.’

Jim looked down. _She’s still fighting the good fight in hoping for a cure. Good luck darling on that, but this old boy has had it._ He was surprised when more or less the whole group seemed to settle for the CDC, until Morales spoke up.

‘Miranda wanted me to go to Birmingham, to try and get to her family,’ Morales flushed slightly under the attention he was getting but he carried on. ‘That is what we were fighting about this whole time. I didn’t want to go, she did.’ He sighed. ‘I want to follow through with what she wanted, I really do. I made a promise to her. But I’m all Louis and Elzia have left now, I cant risk their lives on such a journey. I’ll be going with you, wherever you guys decide to take us.’

Jim nodded. _I hope this is one family man who is able to keep his children safe, in a way I couldn’t my own._

‘So it’s settled then,’ Rick said. ‘Pack your bags and tents while we fill these holes back up. We leave before dark. I don’t want us to spend another night out here if we could help it.’

The group settled to their tasks, but Jim just watched them all go on with their duties. He saw Dale pat Andrea on the shoulder as she left to go to the RV, and the older man approached him. Jacqui was still ignoring him, walking over to converse with Lori about something or the other.

‘What is it, Dale?’ Jim sighed. He appreciated the man now, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t be a pain in the ass when he wanted to be.

‘I just wanted to see what you wanted,’ Dale said. ‘I don’t think you are in any condition to take any of these journeys. No offence.’

‘None taken,’ Jim said. ‘I’ll remember that when I come back and bite you.’

‘Don’t,’ Dale said. ‘Not today of all days, son.’

Jim felt shame then. ‘Yeah, sorry about that. But I’m in so much pain Dale. It’s taking everything I got right now without throwing up just to talk to you. You know and I know I haven’t got much time left.’

‘So what do you want to do, Jim?’ Dale asked quietly.

Jim looked at the tree he had sat at the other day. If he had been seated a little further to the left, he would have a glorious view of the lake down below.

‘I have an idea,’ he told him. 

*

The group were ready to leave their little hiding place behind once and for all. They had packed every bag they could into all the cars they were taking, which had been the RV, Shane’s Honda and Carol’s Cherokee car.

The rest would be left behind, to gather dust and rust. And that included Jim.

Jacqui shook her head as she packed her clothes into a suitcase that she tried to fit in Carol’s car. It was already brimmed to the full, and she struggled to close the boot.

‘Here, let me get that for you,’ Glenn said as he jogged up. Jacqui pushed as far as she could before Glenn slammed the door shut, giving it no time to pop out in the way suitcases tended to do when there was not much space for it in the first place.

‘Thanks Glenn,’ Jacqui said. ‘That really wasn’t my best moment.’

‘It’s okay,’ Glenn said. He looked over at where Jim was sitting, beneath the tree. ‘It’s rough about Jim, isn’t it?’

Jacqui just nodded. _I want no part in it. We’re going to the CDC, why doesn’t he just come with us for help._

Glenn sighed. ‘I really wish we had gotten here sooner. Maybe if we had, none of this would have happened.’

‘Don’t say that,’ Jacqui said. ‘It’s not your fault, it’s nobody’s fault. Those things just roam around and eat people regardless, we can’t blame ourselves for losing others. I hate that it happened, but we have enough on our plates without carrying blame.’

Glenn looked at her. ‘I guess you’re right, but-,’ he trailed off. ‘I wish I had told Amy how I felt. I look at Andrea and I just feel so bad. She was a nice woman, one of the best.’

‘Oh honey,’ Jacqui said as she hugged him. ‘She was a nice woman. If it’s any consolation, I do think she liked you too. You two would have been perfect together.’

She hugged him tightly as Glenn cried, and she hushed him before letting go. ‘Clean your face up,’ she told him. ‘If you ever need another hug again, just ask me. Don’t let me hear you blaming yourself for Amy or any of the others again, you hear me?’

Glenn nodded. ‘Thanks Jacqui.’

‘No problem kiddo.’

As Glenn walked away, Jacqui took a look at Jim. He was currently conversing with both Rick and Dale. _Glenn blames himself for what happened, and he hates that he never got to tell Amy how he felt about her. What kind of person am I if I don’t make things right with Jim before he goes?_

Sighing, Jacqui walked over to Jim. Jim saw her coming, and let out a weak smile.

‘Jacqui, hey.’

‘Hey,’ Jacqui smiled weakly back.

Rick resumed his conversation. ‘Are you sure you don’t want to come with us, Jim? The CDC is only a couple of hours away, we could get you help in no time.’

‘Nah, mate. It’s all well and good,’ Jim said. ‘I already know I wont survive the trip. And one way or another, I’m going to be with my family again. I just want to have one last look at this gorgeous lake before I go.’

Jacqui turned around to see the lake. It was as Jim described it: gorgeous with the clear blue sky in the background. _You could be forgiven for thinking the world wasn’t in ruins._ She wiped a tear away as Rick patted Jim on the shoulder and left to where the group were ready to leave. Everybody else had already said their goodbyes, and now it was just Dale and Jacqui left to say their own.

‘You sure you don’t want a gun or something, just in case you change your mind?’ Dale asked.

Jim shook his head. ‘Even if I do shoot myself, that gun isn’t going to do anybody any good just lying here, is it? Only other option is if I shoot myself right now, but that would scar the kids like nothing else. Although I already did a good job of that the other day there.’

‘No you didn’t,’ Jacqui said. ‘They’re just fine, Jim.’

Jim laughed then coughed. It was a terrible sound to Jacqui. ‘No they are not, but they’re in the best hands they can get. I hope you all make it, I really do.’

Dale patted Jim on the shoulder. ‘Well, it was my pleasure of knowing you, Jim. You were always good in letting me patter on about mechanical stuff.’

Jim smiled. ‘You too, Dale. Thanks for everything.’ Dale smiled and walked away. That just left Jacqui and Jim now.

‘I’m so sorry, Jim,’ Jacqui said. ‘I’ve behaved terribly all day today.’

Jim shook his head. ‘Nah, Jacqui. We’re all upset over what happened. I don’t blame you for acting the way you have. I’m just glad we can have one final talk.’ Jacqui nodded, not trusting herself to speak.

‘I know it is hard, but that’s just the way it is now. We’ve experienced so much death recently, I don’t want to experience anymore,’ Jim said. ‘I just want to be with my family.’

Jacqui sighed, bent down and kissed him on the cheek. ‘You will be with them soon enough,’ Jacqui said. ‘I’ve already went through this with my sister. Her name was Onika. I didn’t want to go through it again, I suppose.’

Jim looked at her. ‘I really hope you don’t have to after me.’

‘Me too.’

_Oh lord in heaven, please make it so. I don’t want to see anybody waste away to nothing again, or die in the way Amy and Miranda did. It’s not fair if any of us do. We’ve suffered enough._

Jim’s breathing was becoming shallower, and Jacqui knew it was time.

‘Thank you for helping me,’ Jim said. He looked like a corpse already, his eyes sunken in.

Jacqui smiled as best as she could. ‘Goodbye Jim.’

Brushing away tears, Jacqui turned away and walked to the RV. Once she was on board and sitting, the convoy of vehicles began to move away from the camp once and for all.

Jacqui looked out the window to watch the man under the tree, staring at the elegant lake before he faded far from view.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quickest update rate I've had yet! If it weren't for my work there would be a lot more like this.
> 
> Anyway I hope you all enjoy this chapter. I was overwhelmed and touched by the positive reaction to the last chapter, thank you guys. 
> 
> While I did still kill off Amy, Jim and Ed in the camp attack, Miranda's death is a consequence of the extra walkers Daryl led to the camp. This of course prompted Morales and his kids to stay with the group. As usual I'm always worried you guys will be bored with me mostly sticking to canon, but this is the type of change that leads to further changes down the lines. Once we get to the prison, a lot will be different more than it will be the same. 
> 
> Not really sure how I feel about how the action scene turned out. I think I could have done better, but it's up to you if you liked it or not. 
> 
> Also, I'm thinking of just scrapping the whole series idea and just keeping it in one long book. I'll make a decision by the time I've posted the next chapter. Of course, this means I'll have to rename the title since 'City of the Dead' wouldn't be an accurate title. It would have been if this was book one which was just to focus on the Atlanta arc, which there is only two chapters left to go.


	6. Night 65

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for attempted rape, if that triggers you please do not read.

**Night 65**

It had not been an easy journey. The thought of leaving Jim behind, with the burnt corpses of the walkers and the buried bodies of Amy, Miranda and Ed did not settle right with Rick.

His hands tightened around the wheel, knuckles white. He looked in the mirror to see Carl sleeping with Sophia, both their heads rolling against Lori and Carol. T-Dog was next to him, the windows rolled down to let some air into the cramped car.

_When is this nightmare going to end?_

He hoped with their arrival at the CDC, but as he saw the RV and the Honda draw to a close; he knew that hope was fruitless.

‘Kids, we’re here,’ Rick said. Lori wakened Carl who needed more motivation than Sophia to open his eyes. They all got out of their vehicles and examined their surroundings. The ground was littered with fallen bodies, most of them civilians and quite a few soldiers here and there. All of them were decorated with bullet holes, some missing the odd limb.

All surrounded by swarms of flies that were buzzing and stank of the scent of death and decay. Pressing his shirt to his nose, Rick beckoned the other occupants of the car to follow him as they joined the group. He and Shane looked at one another, before laying their eyes on the building ahead of them.

The CDC was like a giant mirror. The see-through windows gave that effect, and if it had not been night Rick got the impression the shine of the sun off those windows would have been blinding.

The group hurried their way through the ground, making careful steps so they did not need be near as a body as they could dare hope. Rick worried that one would just awake and grab onto any of them and suspected this is what the others feared but dared not voice.

They finally approached the entrance of the building. _What should be the entrance to the building._ The sign on the wall said it was so, yet there was only a white shutter and a small camera pointing at said shutter.

‘There’s nobody here,’ Shane was the first to speak. ‘There can’t be, why hasn’t anyone went out to greet us?’

 _No. It can’t be. This can’t have been for nothing._ Rick said as much, although not in those exact words.

‘Look around you, Rick,’ Shane said. ‘This place is a graveyard. That building ain’t no different than any other in the city. We have to go, we’re too exposed out here.’

‘He’s right, Rick,’ Lori said. Rick saw in her eyes that she was worried, terrified even. ‘We can’t stay here.’

 _But Morgan said this was would have been still standing._ The thought was childish, Rick knew that instantly. Morgan still thought Atlanta had a chance of running, him and his son. But Rick supposed deep down he still held out hope that maybe not everything had gone to complete and utter shit. _It’s not fair._

‘No,’ Rick repeated himself. ‘There’s got to be somebody here. Maybe we can break through the glass.’

‘What use would that be,’ T-Dog said. ‘Then we just expose the place to the monsters. If there is anybody in there, I’m sure there wouldn’t appreciate it.’

‘Look out!’ Andrea shrieked. Everybody turned around to see in the distance a walker approaching, still dressed in her pajamas. As if her voice had alerted the stragglers, Rick saw with dismay those that laid on the ground were starting to get up now, all eager to get their prey. The children whimpered, all clutching to their parents.

‘Rick, brother, listen to me,’ Shane approached Rick now. Rick could smell his sweat and breath, that was how close he was to him. ‘Think of Lori, man. Think of Carl. You really want to stay out here, risk their lives over what? A chance? There is no chances man. Not in this fucked up world, you hear me?’

 _I promised I would always be with them. Always keep them safe._ Rick looked at Lori, and Carl. He thought of the promise he had given Lori, and had almost instantly turned his back on it to go back and rescue a man already dead on a rooftop. He nodded. ‘You’re right. Everybody, come on.’

The group set to make their move, but that is when Andrea called out. ‘The camera, it moved.’

‘You’re imagining it,’ Dale insisted. He went to grab Andrea’s arm. ‘We need to get out of here, now.’

Andrea shook him off. ‘Let go of me. I didn’t imagine it, it moved.’

The group froze in their tracks, unsure of what to do next. Rick turned to look at the camera. He could have sworn it had been facing the shutter when they first approached, now it seemed to be looking directly at him.

As if somebody was operating the camera, watching their every move and hearing their every word.

‘It could be automatic,’ Shane was saying now. ‘We don’t have time for this.’

A walker lurched forward, snarling. Morales aimed his gun and pulled the trigger, but missed the head entirely. The bullet hit the walker on the shoulder, and he kept stumbling forward. T-Dog raised his own shotgun and put an end to the messy business, the walker’s head disappearing in a shower of blood and brain.

‘Let us in,’ Rick approached the camera. He ignored Shane’s curses, Lori’s pleas. Andrea appeared by his side, equally as desperate to get in and just as determined in ignoring everybody who cared for them trying to talk them out of this foolish business.

_Because it is foolish, Rick! What the fuck are you thinking! Just grab Carl and go, get the fuck out of this city and don’t look back._

But Rick added his voice to Andrea’s, begging to get let in. Shane threw one last curse and stormed off, although Dale stood by Andrea’s side. Lori gave Rick a desperate look, unsure of what decision she would take herself.

‘We’ve got children, we’ve lost people,’ Rick was saying. He could hear the desperation in his voice. ‘Please, just give us a chance. We can’t stand this anymore. I can’t stand it anymore. So many people are dead because of me, my decisions. I just want a safe place for my son, that is all. At least take the children.’

‘Rick, come on,’ Lori screamed before grabbing Carl who was openly crying now. She ran after Shane. Rick took a look at the group, most of them starting to run towards the vehicle before they could get grabbed by the walkers. ‘

You’re killing us!’ Rick roared now at the camera. Andrea seemed taken aback by the tone of his voice, but she grabbed on Dale’s hand and added her own voice to his. ‘Let us in, please. We won’t be any trouble!’

Just as another gunshot went off, this time Shane shooting a walker that had gotten too close; the shutters opened and a flashing white light blinded those closest to it. Rick raised his arm to cover his eyes, startled by the light. It reminded him all too well of the light he had walked out onto after escaping his hospital tomb.

Just the sound of the shutters opening forced the group to a stop, and they all turned around to see that Rick and Andrea’s begging had been answered. And just like that, they were running back to the CDC. Andrea and Dale were the first to enter, but Rick stayed where he was until the last member, T-Dog, had entered the building before he went inside himself.

_I don’t know what we’ll find in here. But it’s got to be better than out here._

The shutters closed behind him, sealing the outside world away for good.

*

They were in a circular room, the entrance most likely. T-Dog looked at the artificial potted plants and the empty computers, on the lookout for anybody who might be hiding out of sight.

‘Any one of you infected?!’ A voice rang out, seemingly out of nowhere.

T-Dog instantly aimed his shotgun, to see a man step from the shadows. He had a shirt covered in sweat and a beard that could not have been shaved in the past couple of months. _A bit like Rick now that I think about it._

He looked over at Rick then. If he was being honest with himself, he had thought the man had well and truly lost it when they had been outside. Andrea he expected to have that kind of reaction, she had just lost her sister and was probably looking for answers. But not Rick. Unless this was his way to atone for Merle and all the others.

T-Dog looked down then, so distracted by the feelings of self-loathing that he nearly missed what the man was saying now. He held onto a machine gun, which he had lowered now that he was talking. T-Dog kept his gaze on him, not letting his thoughts distract him anymore than he already had let them.

‘I’m Edwin Jenner,’ Edwin was saying after Rick had told him no, nobody in the group was infected. ‘I’ll need to set you up for testing, just to be on the safe side. We’ve done well so far without bringing the virus in accidentally.’

‘We? You mean there have been people still working on a cure?’ Dale asked. He sounded excited, and T-Dog supposed he could not blame him. He had long since given up on the hope of one, but he figured this was the closest they’ll ever get to finding one.

Edwin’s face fell, and that is when T-Dog knew what the answer was going to be before it was given.

‘Unfortunately, not,’ Edwin said. ‘It’s just me and a computer Al called VI. I’m the last one left of all my crew,’ he looked down. There was an awkward silence. T-Dog did feel a pang of sympathy for Jenner then.

_I suppose I know how he feels, even if I didn’t have to deal with this shit._

‘But surely you are well fortified,’ Lori said. ‘Aren’t you? All those walkers out there and they haven’t gotten through the shutters. Are you well fed, at least? I'm sorry to say but we are desperately hungry and terrified of being out there.'

Edwin nodded his head. ‘I’m sorry ma’am for being so rude. I know you must all be starved and in need for some water. Just follow me and I’ll lead you to where I’ve been staying. It’s not in the building itself, you must understand. It’s down underground.’

T-Dog noticed Carol looked a little queasy about that and made a mental note to ask her about it later. He had begun noticing little things about Carol since that morning when he saw her drive a pickaxe over her husband’s head, repeatedly.

_She has a shit ton of pent up rage. And who can blame her?_

‘This is why nothing has gotten into the CDC yet,’ Edwin was saying. ‘The shutters and glass can keep people out, and in if need be. But I imagine if a thousand of those things all pressed against the glass it would break sooner or later. All of us who worked here, we were underground when the shit hit the fan. No infected had reason to try and come in here if they didn’t think anybody was living up here.’

‘Yeah, you could see anything through those windows,’ T-Dog said. Jenner nodded. ‘Exactly. It is best we keep underground. You know the saying; out of sight, out of mind.’

He got to the end of a hallway, which he pressed a button for an elevator to show up. After a soft ping, the elevators opened and luckily for the group and Jenner they were all able to squeeze in as much as they could.

And so begun their descent into underground.

T-Dog could see Carol turning green, and he reached out with his hand for her to squeeze. She looked at him, nodded and did so as her other hand clutched onto her daughter as if she would lose all trace of her if she lost contact. _Hopefully this place isn’t too dreary and cramped. It’ll only get worse for her if it is._

The occupants in the elevator were all silent. T-Dog looked at Jenner with his ironed clothes and well groomed hair, and figured him polite to not comment on their disheveled appearance and scent.

As if reading his thoughts, Jenner made the first move. ‘Once we get you tested you can all have food, I imagine you people must be starved. And there are hot showers too if you wish to use them. There is enough rooms for all of you.’

Everybody looked at one another, hardly daring to believe they had stumbled upon paradise. Despite Jenner’s well-groomed appearance however, T-Dog noticed the bags under his eyes and the strain his face made when trying to smile.

_There will be a catch. Gotta be._

*

The testing had been relatively quick, with a needle shot and some blood samples being observed by Jenner. ‘All clear,’ he had said.

_Just like ripping off a band aid._

And now they were all seated around tables put together, laughing and drinking in a way they felt they hadn’t in a while. Not even the fish fry before tragedy had struck could compare to the atmosphere in the room.

They were, for the first time since it all started, safe.

_Or are we?_

Shane narrowed his eyes at Jenner, who politely kept away from conversation and currently sipping at his glass of red wine. Looking over the table, Shane saw that the wine was flowing as the food was being eaten. But there were ghosts at the table too. Andrea barely touched her food, and Morales kept staring off into the distance. If it had not been for Jacqui checking on Louis and Eliza, Shane figured those kids would probably still be waiting on their plates to be filled with the pasta Jenner had cooked up for them.

‘I have to say,’ Dale said, ‘I was never a big fan of Italian food. Pizza, pasta, all that sort. But this right here is the best meal I’ve ever had.’

‘Hear, hear,’ Rick said as he tapped his glass with a spoon. Everybody who wasn’t occupied by the demons in their head joined in the cheers. Shane looked at his brother. He was smiling, laughing. But Shane knew that there was something below the distance. _He was so desperate earlier on. If these doors didn’t open, would he have kept banging on them until the walkers arrived?_

Shane was disturbed that he figured it was likely he would have. The thought caused him to look at Lori, who caught his eye and quickly averted her gaze, focusing on something Carl was saying to Sophia.

Shane looked at his own glass of wine and took his first sip of the night. One sip turned into another, and before he knew it he must have drunk from half the bottle as he kept refilling his glass. In the distance there was a gigantic digital clock, ticking away.

‘So doctor,’ he said. Jenner looked at him, and he noted that Rick was too. A lot of people turned their attention to him, and the feeling that gave him was indescribable. _They must look up to me. Good, I have a lot to say._

‘Yes,’ Jenner said. T-Dog straightened up, his attention on what was about to unfold.

‘I hate to ruin the parade here, I really do. But why are we just eating and drinking away as if the world out there isn’t shit,’ Shane said. He quickly apologized after seeing Carol’s glare, although he didn’t know why language would be such a priority around the children after the horrors that they had encountered so far.

‘What’s your point?’ Jenner asked.

Shane narrowed his eyes. _What kind of question is that._

‘Brother, you need to calm down,’ Rick said. Shane laughed and waved his hand as if brushing the words away literally. ‘Nah, Rick. I don’t think I do. That’s why we all came here, weren’t it? Am I wrong for wanting to know if there is a cure?’

There. He said it. The atmosphere died at his words, his question a storm in a cup. It seemed to Shane everybody in the group turned to look at Jenner, as if they all had this question in their mind and were too afraid to say it. Only Shane carried it through.

Jenner sighed and rubbed his eyes. ‘I hate to say it folks, but there is no cure. At least, not from what I’ve researched so far.’

‘But how can that be?’ Jacqui asked. ‘Surely you have the best access for experiments, research. I would think so anyway.’

Jenner took a gulp of wine before answering. ‘That much is true. The CDC has rarely been as well prioritized as we were during the earlier stages of the outbreak. But you see that I’m the only man in the building. All the other scientists, the researchers? They’re all gone.’

Once again, a heavy silence followed. Shane felt the urge to snort. His head was dizzy as he took another drink.

‘Gone where?’ Rick asked quietly.

‘Well, many could not face walking out the door,’ Jenner said. ‘I had to clean it all up by myself. A few stayed, especially after the bombs hit.’ He sighed heavily then. ‘A couple of them even sacrificed themselves for the cause. But it did no good. I hate to ruin the night for you all, but what we looked into just should not be possible. The infected just die, their brains shut down and that should be the end of it. But they come back. They do what Jesus Christ did and make it look easy. What we’re witnessing and have experienced is out of our hands.’

Andrea scoffed. ‘Is that it, then? Your job is a lot harder than you expected it to be, so you just give up?’

Jenner replied with a fierceness that took Shane aback. ‘No, my job was never meant to be this. As I was the last one of the staff left, I had no other option but to keep on their work. And what I saw did not give me much hope on there ever being a cure. You can’t cure death.’

‘But they aren’t dead, not really,’ Jacqui said. Dale agreed by adding, ‘they’re up and walking. Even if you think of them as dead, they still have something functioning in them to keep doing that.’

Jenner sighed. ‘You’re right. But again, like I keep trying to tell you folks, they are all by accounts dead matter doing the impossible. I have no idea why that is, none of us did.’

‘Is it just America?’ Lori asked. Everybody looked at her. ‘The reports were all local at first, I never did find out if it was a global threat or just for this country.’

This time Jenner looked extremely weary, as if he had been dreading this question from the start. Shane felt himself on edge, on a buzz. _Whatever he says next will make or break us._ He had a feeling it was the latter when Jenner said, ‘France was the last country to hold out before we lost all contact with the outside world. It’s on a global scale unlike anything we’ve ever seen before, not even The Black Plague can compare to the estimated death toll.’

Shane took another glass of wine to swallow. His bottle was nearly empty, so he grabbed the next one from the middle of the table.

‘So is there no hope in a rescue?’ Rick asked.

Jenner grimaced. ‘No hope at all.’

*

The wine had gotten to her, and now she was puking out her guts in the toilet.

Not even the shower had managed to wash the drink from her. Andrea had thought she had done okay with the wine at dinner, but she clearly had gone overboard and had not noticed how many empty glasses she left behind.

_God, I am a mess._

She heard footsteps from behind, and if she wasn’t puking she would have groaned.

‘You doing okay?’ _Dale._ Confident she was not going to puke again, Andrea flushed the toilet and turned to face him. He had been close to her since Amy’s death, always checking up on her and asking her if she was doing okay.

 _Amy_.

Just the thought of her name, not even her as a person was enough to cut like glass.

‘Everything’s gone, Dale,’ Andrea said. She was not thinking of the countries across the globe or Jenner’s bold statement about there being no cure. She was thinking of her home in Florida, of her father fishing and her mother’s lectures, of mermaid necklaces and promises of being with her family more. _All gone. I had it all, and I wasted every opportunity to cherish it._

She started crying then, and Dale bent down and hugged her. ‘Hush now,’ he was saying. ‘It’s going to be okay, Andrea. You’ll see.’

Andrea continued to sob into his arms, but brushed her tears away after a while and looked at Dale. ‘It won’t be okay, Dale. Oh my god, didn’t you hear what he said? It’s a global threat, so many people have died. There’s no cure at all. We came here for nothing.’

‘No, we didn’t,’ Dale said. ‘We got hot showers and some god divine pasta. That’s not nothing.’

Andrea laughed but it sounded weak to her ears. _Maybe it will be better if there was nothing at all._ The thought itself did not scare her as much as she thought it would have in another time, another place. But this was now and the only thing that scared her was how sweet the thought sounded. _Just to lie back and close my eyes, forever._

Andrea rubbed her eyes. ‘I’m sorry, Dale. I’m sorry for being such a mess.’

Dale shook his head violently. Andrea was worried his head was going to fall from his neck. ‘Now you listen to me, Andrea. You have nothing to be sorry for. You and Amy meant the world to me. Since Irma died, I had nothing. You guys gave me something to live for.’

Andrea looked at him. ‘I didn’t know we meant that much to you.’

Dale shrugged. ‘You did. Both of you tried your hardest to clean that RV of mine.’ He smiled. ‘In all seriousness, you kept my mind off all the shit that was going on with the world. Grabbing you up during the bombs is probably the best decision I’ve made in my life.’

Andrea smiled at that. ‘I don’t think I’m going to move on from this, Dale.’

‘I know,’ Dale said. His voice broke. ‘Any loss is hard. I have had my fair share of tragedy over the years. Not just Irma but my family and friends over the years. It’s tough being old to see that, it’s even more so when a life is cut short before it can really begin.’

Andrea pushed herself up, and Dale helped her. ‘You need to work on your bedside manner.’

Dale nodded. ‘I do. But you know its true. That is one thing I like and respect about you, Andrea. You’ve never tolerated bullshit.’

Andrea hid her smile this time.

‘So what I’m going to say is the real deal. You won’t move on from Amy, but you will heal eventually. It takes a lot of hard work and inner perseverance. I couldn’t get out of bed for weeks after Irma, my sister had to drag me out of the bed eventually. I never thought I could smile again.’ Dale shrugged his shoulders. ‘Until one day I just did, and that was that. And you’ve already laughed and smiled during our chat together. I think you will be okay, dear. I really do.’

Andrea found her heart bursting at his words. _He is much too good for this shitty world. What did I do to have him look out for me?_ ‘Thank you, Dale,’ Andrea said. ‘I really am thankful for you talking to me like this.’

‘No problem,’ Dale said as he went to leave the room. ‘You know you should just holler me if you ever want a talk like this again, if you ever feel down or anything like that. You hear?’

‘I will,’ Andrea said. She said her goodbyes, shut the door and locked it. She turned around to face her bedroom. A queen-sized bed, drawers and cupboards filled with clothes, paintings of mountains and hills decorating the walls. The lights were on, illuminating every object and creating shadows.

_Bit excessive for CDC scientists and researchers._

Yet despite the warmth of the room and Dale’s talk, Andrea still felt an empty pang that only slightly filled as she turned the lights off and embraced the darkness.

*

Morales stared at the wall, trying to pinpoint whether it was a speck of dust on the wall or a mark. He knew Miranda would have been over that in an instant, trying her best to clean it.

Sighing and feeling down as he always did now when his thoughts lingered over to his wife, he turned to see his children. Eliza was fast asleep on the couch, but Louis was in the corner with Carl and Sophia playing Mrs. Pacman. He was less active than the other kids, but all the same he wouldn’t have thought his own boy had witnessed the brutal death of his own mother the night before.

_That’s not fair. Not fair at all. Let the boy forget what you can’t._

Morales could still hear her screams, see her body pinned to the ground like a pin cushion as she had been torn apart. With all the shots in the night ringing out as the cavalry came to the rescue, Morales figured one more gunshot wouldn’t hurt after the carnage had been over.

The way blood had splattered from his wife’s head after he pulled the trigger was not something he would forget for as long as he lived.

Closing his eyes and rubbing them as if to wipe away the memories inside his head, Morales almost never heard the door open. He turned around, expecting Lori or Carol. Both mothers had gone to have their hot steaming showers, a luxury Morales was willing to wait for after the kids were sent to their bed. All four children had been scrubbed clean first before the parents had.

Instead it was Glenn, and he looked almost embarrassed when he realized he had stepped into the games room. _Or perhaps because there is an adult and kids in the games room._

Morales put the thought aside and welcomed Glenn. ‘Hey, Glenn. Not too drunk from the wine, I take it?’ Morales was being kind, from the red flush of Glenn’s cheeks Morales knew Glenn was on a buzz that would give him a killer hangover the next morning.

‘Oh no, not at all man,’ Glenn said and laughed. ‘Maybe I had too much, I haven’t had much since before all this madness started.’

Carl turned around then and noticed the new adult in the room. ‘Hey Glenn, we’re playing Mrs. Pacman. You want to join in?’ Sophia piped up as well, begging him to join. Louis said nothing, but Morales knew Louis wanted the same as the rest just by his eyes alone.

_Curious that Sophia is taking her father’s death so well too._

Morales knew that Carol and by extension Sophia’s lives were made a living hell long before the dead walked the earth thanks to Ed, everybody knew that. Still, he had expected her to be more withdrawn like his own children had been the past day. _Fuck sake dude, you just said why she probably is the way she is. Besides, all kids are different. Louis and Eliza are like night and day compared to one another._

‘Sorry guys,’ Glenn said. ‘Maybe tomorrow, we’ve got all the time in the world now to do what we want. I actually wanted to talk to Morales here, if he wants me that is.’

Morales was surprised. ‘Sure, just sit on that couch over there. Eliza is sleeping next to me.’

‘Got it,’ Glenn smiled and he went to the couch Morales had pointed out. In truth, it was more of an armchair. Behind it were bookcases filled to the brim with books. _That figures, I guess._ Since there were at least four bookcases in the game room, Morales had a feeling if he took up reading he would be doing so for years to get through them all.

‘So what can I do for you, Glenn?’ Morales asked.

Glenn sighed, rubbed his eyes and looked at Morales. _There’s pain, there. Just like mine and everybody else, I guess._

‘I just want to say I’m sorry about Miranda.’

Morales shook his head. ‘Don’t, Glenn. There’s nothing to be sorry about. I’m dealing with it, that’s all you need to know.’

Glenn bit his lip, but he nodded. ‘I guess, man. It’s just rough, what we all went through last night. And the funny thing is it feels like a million years ago.’

To Morales’ horror, he thought Glenn was about to cry. To do so alone would have been one thing, but they were four children in the room. He did not know how he would be able to deal with that situation if it came down to it. He took a quick glance to see that the awake kids were very much occupied with their game.

‘Glenn, it was a rough night. I’m going to be dealing with this for I don’t know how long. But you need to get yourself together, man.’ He indicated the children with just a nod of his head. ‘For them.’

Glenn looked at him, then nodded. ‘I’m so sorry, Morales. I didn’t think.’

‘Don’t worry about it,’ Morales said. ‘We will deal with this. I don’t know how, but I’ve always believed in being practical. I need to stay strong for my children.’

‘Thanks Morales.’ Glenn leaned back into the couch. ‘You know, this is really nice.’

Morales smiled slightly. ‘It is. Hard to believe there was a room like this when we were out in the camp getting treated to squirrels by Dixon.’

Glenn’s face seemed to fall slightly at that, although Morales did not question it. _They never came back with either brother. Merle must have died and Daryl just left altogether._ He knew to an outsider he would probably appear to be a cold, hard man; yet with the absence of Miranda in his life Morales could not bring himself to care for the racist that had almost killed them all with his false sense of superiority.

Just then, the door opened. Lori and Carol walked in, both wearing new dressing gowns. Glenn got up from the couch and almost fell to the ground, his balance off center. Laughing slightly, Morales got up to catch him from falling.

‘Ladies, how was the shower?’ He asked. ‘The best,’ Lori gushed. ‘That was one thing I definitely missed, a nice, hot shower. You doing okay there, Glenn?’

‘I’m fine,’ Glenn mumbled into Morales’ shoulder. ‘Just fine, just need my bed.’

Carol smiled. ‘Looks like you and Sophia have that in common.’ Currently, Sophia was yawning her head off.

‘And I need to get this wonderful shower I’ve been anxious to get in,’ Morales said. He saw Eliza awakening and rubbing her eyes. ‘Come on, Eliza. Louis. We’re going to our room after we drop off Glenn.’ The children were obedient, much to Morales’ surprise after being allured to games they hadn’t had access to in a couple of months.

‘Hey, Carol,’ Lori said, her eyes not going away from the bookcases. ‘I think I’m going to stay here for a while, check out a book to go to bed with. You mind taking Carl to your room just for a bit.’

‘Sure,’ Carol said. ‘We can walk with Morales and the kids, come on.’

And just like that they were all out of the room sans Lori, none of them noticing a figure watching from the shadows as they were going the opposite direction.

Morales still carried Glenn, and it was Glenn’s room they came across first. ‘Come on, Glenn. Carol, you mind taking the kids to my room while I get this overgrown kid to his bed.’

‘Sure, Morales,’ Carol smiled and patted Morales’ free shoulder. S _he pities me too. God, you lost your own husband the other day. Why aren’t you at least bit sad by it?_ Again, he knew the answer deep down. Yet the complexity of human feelings was much lost on him. It was something Miranda had always complained about to him, yet Morales just didn’t see things her way.

Turning the lights on, Morales directed Glenn to his bed and untucked the covers so he could crawl in. Thankfully he did so without too much struggle. ‘Goodnight, Glenn,’ Morales went to turn the light off when he heard the younger man mumble as he started to doze off.

‘Amy, Amy,’ he was saying.

_He liked the girl. He never got his chance to say so._

With a sadness too deep for words, knowing now why Glenn had come to him personally to try and talk about Miranda and the camp attack, Morales turned off the lights and closed the door.

*

Lori looked through the bookcase, flipping the books over to read the back summary before placing them back. She had one in hand when the door slammed shut suddenly, and with a fright too deep for words Lori turned around to see Shane standing there.

‘Jesus, you startled me,’ Lori said. She instinctively went for her necklace that no longer held Rick’s ring. A force of habit, nothing more.

_Even then you felt guilt with Shane, doing what you were doing. Why act so self-righteously now?_

‘I’m sorry,’ Shane said sounding not sorry at all. He had a bottle of wine in his hand. ‘Carl okay?’

Lori placed the book back. ‘He’s doing okay, considering. He’s with Carol the now, I’m just heading over to her room to pick him up and go to bed.’

Shane leaned forward, and Lori took a step backward. ‘Good. But you can’t avoid me forever, you know. Or keep him away from me.’

Lori shook her head. ‘Listen to yourself. You sound like one of those creepy perverts you and Rick would arrest back home. Just do what I say and stay away from me, from Carl.’

Shane scoffed before drinking another mouthful. Lori went to leave when he slammed his fist against the door, and kept it there. His other hand held onto the bottle. ‘I’m not going anywhere without you hearing me out. I seriously thought Rick was dead. Why would I lie about that, you hear me? I love Rick like a brother, and he loves me too. Do you think he won’t notice why his wife is acting so strangely around me?’

‘You’ve had a little too much to drink,’ Lori said, trying desperately to change the subject. _God, I need to get out of this room. Away from him!_

Shane approached, and again Lori stepped back. He was like a predator circling around his victim. ‘Just please, hear me out,’ Shane said. He dropped the empty bottle now. Lori half-expected it to shatter into a million pieces, just like her relationship with Shane had the moment Rick had arrived into camp. _If I play him at his own game, maybe he will leave me alone._

Lori crossed her arms then and looked at him coolly. ‘Okay, then. Explain to me your side of the story.’

‘I honestly thought Rick was dead,’ Shane grabbed at the opportunity she gave to him like a fish to water. ‘I was at the hospital, the military were rounding everybody up and shooting them. No matter if they were infected or not. I felt for a heartbeat, I listened for a heartbeat. There was none.’ Shane hung his head then, looking pointedly at his boots. ‘There was none.’

Lori didn’t need to know the rest of the story, having participated in it herself.

‘I believe you,’ she said.

‘You do?’

_I do?_

‘I do,’ Lori said. ‘But I still stand by what I said. Maybe you can still talk to Carl, but me and you can never happen Shane. I need to focus on fixing my marriage with Rick.’

Shane scoffed. ‘He left us though, Lori. Just like he always left you. I love the man but it ain’t right he always put his work before his family.’

‘Then why didn’t you say anything?’ Lori demanded. ‘Why didn’t you say anything to him when you were on your shifts together. It can’t have been that hard to talk about something other than scoring the latest girl of the week!?’

‘Because it’s not my place,’ Shane said. ‘And like I said, he’s my brother. I love him. And I hate myself for it, because I’ve fallen in love with you too.’

Lori shook her head. _I shouldn’t have played along. Now I need to get out of here._

‘I’m sorry, Shane. This is over.’ Lori went to move past Shane, but he grabbed onto her gown to stop her. Instantly Lori shoved back, but his grip was too hard to let her succeed in her task.

‘Stop it, Shane!’ Lori cried as Shane kept his hands around her. He was close to her now, and she smelt the alcohol in his breath.

‘You’re drunk, let go of me.’

‘C’mon, Lori. We both want this, you know we both want it.’

Lori began slapping his body now, but Shane kept pushing himself up against her.

_Oh god, he’s going to rape me. Oh god, how can this be happening? This is Shane. Shane, who saved me and Carl. Who Rick loves with all his heart. Oh god._

With a courage she did not know she possessed, Lori cried out as her fingernails caught on Shane’s neck and she scratched hard. Shane cried out in pain, and that let him stop grabbing onto her.

Both looked at one another in stunned silence.

Lori’s thoughts were going a mile a minute, but she did not dare look anywhere else but Shane’s eyes. He looked just as shocked as she felt, as if he did not know he was capable of doing such a thing. Her scratch marks were evident across his neck. Lori knew they would bruise and possibly scar.

With a startled gasp, Lori ran out of the room. Shane did not try to stop her, and did not move as she slammed the door shut.

Muffling her hand against her mouth to prevent herself from sobbing, Lori looked around the hallway desperately. _Oh god, what do I do? What do I fucking do?_

 _Carl._ She would go to Carol’s room, pick up her son and go back to her bed with her husband.

She collected herself, made sure that she was not crying as she knocked on Carol’s room and she opened the door to see Carl off. She held onto Carl’s hand as she walked down the hallway, listening to his chatter about some arcade game and how he was going to try and make his friends feel better after they all lost somebody close to them.

_How did I deserve such a sweet boy?_

They entered her room. She got a chill when she saw that Rick was not in the room, but it made no matter. Shutting the door and using a chain to lock it, she tucked in bed with Carl.

‘Why are you shaking mom?’ Carl asked.

‘It’s just the cold, darling,’ Lori said. ‘Go to sleep.’

‘I can’t with the light on,’ Carl moaned.

‘It’s only until your daddy gets back,’ Lori said. ‘Go to sleep.’

‘Okay.’

And so mother and son lay in bed, surrounded by light.

*

Rick had looked into the mirror and felt his hands around his face. He was clean shaven now, his beard of two months now down the drain. The sight was a shock to see, and it was strange to feel.

 _You wouldn’t have thought I did this every damn day before this mess._ He was also vaguely surprised that he did not cut himself shaving, drunk as he was.

He walked out of the bathroom door to see Lori coming in. He smiled at her, and the pair embraced and kissed. ‘You going for a shower, hon?’ Rick asked.

Lori nodded. ‘Yeah. Morales has the kids, me and Carol are cleaning ourselves up before we get them back. You staying here or do you want to get them?’

‘Actually, I want to talk to that Jenner guy.’ Rick nodded his head as if to stay away the influence he was under. ‘Just to get some more insight from him. Shane kinda fucked things up with him, with the way he approached him. All direct and not at all subtle.’

Lori frowned slightly. ‘Well, just don’t be up too late. But do you really think what he said was true?’

‘What about?’ Rick asked.

‘About there being no cure,’ Lori’s voice went small. ‘I believe him about the death toll and all the other countries. But I don’t want to believe him about that. How can we possibly play happy families with Carl down here knowing this is it, there’s no going back to the world we knew?’

_What do I believe? I don’t know Lori._

‘There has to be a cure,’ Rick said. ‘I believe there will be one. Jenner’s probably just going through it the now, you heard what he said about the other scientists. Not to mention having Atlanta bombed and losing contact with every other country. He’s just lost like we all are. But I think he will come around and find something, he has to.’

Lori looked at him. He did not know if she bought what he said or not. ‘I hope you are right, Rick.’

_Me too, Lori._

‘Right, let’s see what our charming savior has to say for himself,’ Rick said and kissed Lori before he walked out of the room and down to where the main room was.

He passed T-Dog, who was going into his own room. The two men looked at one another before nodding slightly. They shared ghosts now, demons in the form of two rednecks. It would always be their burden. _But hopefully that is the last time we have to deal with something like that._

Being so deep underground, Rick did genuinely believe that to be the truth.

He found the last of the group who had stayed up. Shane, Jacqui and Jenner. Jacqui was talking to Jenner about something, not at all looking up to see Rick. Shane looked at Rick though, and Rick joined him.

‘You still swallowing?’ Rick asked with a grin. Shane burped, and both men laughed.

‘Feels good man,’ Shane said. ‘Just kicking back and drinking without having to worry about those monsters out there. Just wish we didn’t have such fucking bad news to go along with it.’

‘I hear you man,’ Rick fell into a comfortable silence with Shane as Jacqui and Jenner talked about something in hushed tones. He did his best not to listen in, although he caught the odd word here and there.

‘Listen,’ Shane said. ‘I’m sorry about blaming you over going away. I still think it was mighty stupid of you, but if it weren’t for those guns we would have died. I see that now.’

‘It’s okay,’ Rick said. _I wonder what changed?_ ‘I’m glad you’re on my side now though. I feel so bad about, you know.’

He did not want to risk Jacqui knowing about Daryl’s involvement in luring the walkers to the camp and causing so much carnage. Shane nodded. ‘I understand. But it is what it is. It feels a bit meaningless now, after what this guy said earlier on.’

Jenner looked up, and Jacqui stopped her conversation as the two duos merged their conversation into one. ‘I’m sorry if I burst anybody’s bubble. What I was saying to Jacqui here is that I wasn’t trying to be an arsehole about it. Just stating what I know in the position I was in.’

‘Sorry if this gets personal,’ Rick said. ‘But what was your position, exactly?’

Jenner took a glass of wine to drink before responding. ‘Just that I was an assistant to the woman in charge. Candace, her name was.’ He looked at his wine, lost in thought. Rick studied him. _He must have been closer to her than an assistant._ Judging by the way he looked at the contents of his glass, Rick figured he was on the right track.

Shane must have been on the same path because he smoothly changed the subject over. ‘So assistant, what do you think caused it even if you don’t know the way to figure things out?’

Jenner looked up from his glass. ‘I honestly don’t know. I haven’t really thought of it much, truth be told.’

Shane scoffed. ‘Come on, everybody has their theories. I certainly have my own.’

Jacqui raised her eyebrows. ‘Let’s hear what yours is, then.’

‘It’s a government experiment gone wrong,’ Shane said. ‘China or Russian or whatever foreign country, it doesn’t matter. They were weaponizing it and it ended up getting out.’

Jenner shrugged. ‘Could be. Might just be a force of nature.’

‘Or the force of god,’ Jacqui said. Her voice was sharp. ‘People keep applying science to it, but I don’t think it’s as complex as that. He might be angry with us.’

As usual when people spoke about their religious beliefs, Rick kept his own belief on that to himself. But he could not help but be awed by Jacqui’s conviction. ‘I guess we’ll never know,’ Shane said and took a swing of his drink. ‘I better get going, sleep off this hangover before I wake up to it. Hopefully.’

He winked at Rick and made his exit.

‘I better get going as well,’ Jacqui said as she got up and pushed her chair back underneath the table. Rick noted that everybody else had not. ‘Thanks again Edwin for the talk and for bringing us in, you really helped us out.’

Edwin nodded. ‘It’s no problem. And I’ve got that video that I would like to show you all tomorrow, to better explain what I was trying to get at earlier on.’

‘I’m definitely interested in watching it. Goodnight Edwin, night Rick.’

‘Night.’

Rick and Jenner watched Jacqui as she left, and now it was just the two of them. Unlike the silence between Shane and him, Rick felt this silence was borderline uncomfortable. He was in unfamiliar ground with a man who had far more knowledge of the world than anybody he had met since he had awoken up.

‘Your test sample of us okay?’ Rick finally asked to break the silence. ‘I figured they would have been since you let us in.’

Jenner nodded. ‘Yeah, no surprises.’

Before they could fall into another awkward encounter of silence, Rick pushed on with words. ‘I want to thank you like Jacqui said, for letting us in. I felt desperate out there trying to get in, I don’t blame anybody for thinking I was insane in wanting to get in when nobody seemed to be inside.’

‘It’s honestly no problem,’ Jenner replied. _Edwin, his name is Edwin. If we’re going to stay here I better call him by his first name, even if it is in my head._

‘But it was,’ Rick rebutted. ‘Is, I mean. You probably broke a lot of protocols in letting us in here, you know.’

Jenn-Edwin laughed at that.

‘What protocols, Rick? You saw for yourself in here that I’m the last man for America’s precious CDC standing. There’s nothing to follow anymore.’ There was a trace of bitterness to his voice, and Rick could not blame him. So despite Rick’s efforts, they fell back into that silence again. Just as Rick was about to excuse himself, Edwin spoke up. ‘I almost didn’t let you in, you know.’

Rick was taken aback. ‘Why?’

Edwin shrugged. ‘Because it seems so hopeless. I have no true idea how bad it is out there, I haven’t been out there since this all started and Candace was tasked in being in charge of the whole operation. But what I’ve found out… I don’t know. Just seemed cruel, in a way.’

_What he found out?_

‘What do you mean, what you found out?’ Rick quizzed. His mind was a spin, racing with possibilities as he considered the implications of what Edwin had just said.

Edwin sighed. He took the last sip of his wine, and turned to face Rick.

‘What I saw in my samples confirmed what Candace suspected all along. We’re all infected Rick. No matter how we die, we turn back into those things. It doesn’t spread by bites, it triggers when you die.’

And just like that he laughed, and Rick found his whole world spinning. He took another drink, then another to wash the news down. Jenner said something, but he was far gone from his mind now. He didn’t know what happened immediately next, only saw through blurry images of himself drinking wine and staggering back to his bedroom. The bedroom was shut. He knocked once, twice. He heard a chain rattle and Lori opened the door.

‘Why you got the door locked,’ Rick slurred his words. Lori embraced him immediately, and Rick embraced her back after a second.

‘It’s okay, shh,’ Rick whispered. It’s not okay. _You were right Lori. We’re never going to be a happy family, this situation is never going to end._

‘We’re safe here, we’re away from those monsters.’ Lori looked at him, desperately unhappy. Just like she had been before the world decided that humanity should have no chance.

‘Come to bed, Rick. Hold me.’ So he did, but not before he shut the door and turned off the lights.

Rick and Lori held onto one another in darkness, neither one of them sleeping from the secrets now buried in their hearts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, I ended up going into more detail with the night of the CDC visit than I planned. I intended for the CDC to be a one and done chapter deal. 
> 
> Morales nor Glenn had their grief explored that much the last chapter, so I intended to fix that this chapter. Hopefully you all like that.
> 
> Not counting the assault which I hope people don't hate me for and I apologize if I have offended anybody in the way I've depicted it, but I actually really enjoyed writing the conversation between Lori and Shane the most before that incident. Maybe I'm just being egotistical but I felt a real history between them when I was writing the lines, it just flowed really well. 
> 
> However I was not really happy with the first two * sections, the arrival at the CDC and T-Dog's initial perspective. Hopefully you all liked it but I couldn't really make it flow well. 
> 
> Jenner telling the secret to Rick the way I portrayed it is a risk; I feel some people might feel it's too rushed or whatever but it could go either way. Rick just became blackout drunk, and who could blame him after getting news like this?
> 
> As always I hope you enjoy the chapter and I appreciate feedback, positive and negative. I have decided this will be one long story and not a part of a series. The next chapter updated will keep City of the Dead title, but the following will be renamed. I will reveal the title in the next chapter notes.


	7. Day 66

**Day 66**

Jacqui walked into the cafeteria to smell greasy bacon and eggs. Almost the whole group were up and ready for the morning. Jacqui could not recall a day when she had not seen Shane in the morning, up and about for his patrol.

Edwin Jenner was also not there. _I hope he wasn’t put off by us last night._

Jacqui walked over and said her hellos. ‘What are we all having for breakfast this morning?’

‘The breakfast of champions!’ Carl shouted before he tucked his fork and knife to cut a strip of bacon. Lori shushed him. ‘Quiet, Carl. Your father has a headache.’

Rick groaned. Carl giggled, which got Sophia giggling too.

Jacqui smiled and sat down. ‘I can see that.’

‘You not having anything?’ Lori asked. Jacqui shook her head. ‘Not now, I guess I was getting used to that barely-no-food diet we had going on at the camp.’

‘True,’ Lori smiled, but to Jacqui’s eyes it did not quite reach her eyes. In fact, both the Grimes’ parents had bags under their eyes and looked like they did not sleep a wink. _Well, I guess we all look like that in some way, the months we’ve had. Those hours last night were not enough._

Jacqui had been surprised she had drifted off to sleep so easily. Her thoughts had been plagued with Jim since leaving the camp. _He’ll be one of them now. I wonder if he is still at the camp, or he shambled off to join ranks with them._

‘You okay?’ Lori asked. ‘You look like you’ve seen a ghost.’

‘I’m fine. I was just wondering where Edwin was. I take it he is still in his bed.’

Rick rubbed his eyes. ‘No, he was up when we got up. Carl had to have his breakfast, otherwise we would still be in bed. He went out to check on something when we sat down.’

Jacqui nodded. The sounds of the other group members were pleasant to hear in such an environment, a reminder that they could chat away freely without all pausing for bated breath if they heard a twig snap or saw a flutter of birds emerge from the trees without warning. Glenn looked like he was still half drunk, with Morales coaching him to eat some food as they sat around with his kids in another table.

‘Did he say anything to you, last night after I left?’ Jacqui asked, her eyes not leaving Morales. _Jim’s up and walking, and Miranda is buried six feet under. What are we doing acting like everything is normal._

‘What do you mean?’ Rick asked absently, using his own cutlery to cut into his food. He did not look at her when he asked, and Jacqui raised her eyebrows.

‘Just did he say anything unusual or new? He seems like a nice enough man, but I don’t know. It was like he was holding back from me last night when we were talking. I figured since you were an officer and everything you might have clued in on that.’

Rick shrugged his shoulders. ‘I guess not. I would have remembered if I did.’

Jacqui noted he did not once take his gaze from his food.

Shane walked in then. Carl piped up at the mere sight of him. ‘Shane, come over here!’ Shane chuckled slightly as he walked over to the table. Jacqui turned her attention to the newcomer of the table and let out a gasp. ‘Shane, what did you do to yourself?’

Three inflamed scratches like claw marks were visible on Shane’s neck. He chuckled slightly and scratched the scratches himself. ‘I don’t know Jacqui. I just woke up like this. I must have done it in my sleep.’

‘I’ve never seen you do that before,’ Rick said. _He’s grateful for the change of subject, he’s no longer staring at his food as if it’s the most interesting thing on earth._

Jacqui sighed and got up. Whatever drama Rick was keeping to himself ( _and really, it was none of her business_ ), she knew better than to waste an opportunity to have real food in her belly that wasn’t likely to be tainted by tragedy that would follow. ‘It ain’t like me at all,’ Shane was saying as he sat down in the empty chair beside Jacqui.

Lori looked up and caught her eye. ‘You getting some breakfast now?’

Jacqui nodded. ‘Yeah, I can’t pass it up even if I’m not hungry.’

‘I’ll join you,’ and just like that both women went over to the counter where the bacon and eggs were being served. The electricity was on to keep the food hot.

‘They should be okay; it wasn’t that long ago when they were served up.’

‘Who did the cooking?’

‘Jenner and T-Dog.’ Lori smiled. ‘T-Dog was in his element. I know he hasn’t said much about what he did before all this, but I think he was a cook or something.’

‘Well, to be fair any fool could whip up bacon and eggs,’ Jacqui pointed out as she went to pick up a spatula to pick up her food and place it in her plate.

‘Yeah, I suppose so,’ Lori said. She looked over at the table where they had been sitting. Rick and Shane were chatting away animatedly. ‘You should come join me and see Carol. She left us with Sophia to check out the other rooms this place has. They have a gym I think.’

Before Jacqui could respond, Edwin came into the room. And just like that it was like a needle had popped and deflated a balloon. The group all hushed; they were unnerved by his presence.

Jacqui found herself annoyed. _The man let us in, when he could have just as easily left us all to die. They should show a little more appreciation._ And just to blow her own trumpet and prove her point, Jacqui approached Edwin.

‘Good morning Edwin, thanks for the breakfast. And you too T-Dog.’

T-Dog had been sitting in his lonesome, quietly observing everybody in the room or so it seemed. He nodded to acknowledge her thanks.

‘Morning, Jacqui,’ Edwin said. ‘I’ve actually got that video we were talking about the other night, if all of you want to watch it.’

‘What video?’ Dale asked. He and Andrea had been in a table further away than everybody else. Andrea still stared at the contents in her plate, lost in thought. _And Amy. Poor Amy, she never deserved that. I need to talk to Andrea, I know how it feels to lose a sister like that._

‘It’s a video that shows what happens to the brain when a person becomes infected,’ Edwin answered his question. ‘I know I wasn’t very clear last night, but this video is the clearest way to show you all what I mean about the infection.'

‘Sounds interesting, doc,’ Shane said. ‘Why don’t you put it on and we’ll give it a try.’

‘Well, that is what I intended. But thanks,’ Edwin said.

‘What about the children?’ Lori asked. ‘Do they need to watch this video? They’ve been through enough, I’m not willing to put them through anymore horror if I can help it.’

Edwin hesitated, then he nodded. ‘Yeah, you’re right ma’am. This video is not really suitable for children. It’s up to you if you want them to see or not but I wouldn’t advise it.’

‘That’s all I needed to know. Carl, Sophia; come on. I’ll take you to Carol. Fill me in later if you want,’ Lori got up and hesitated, before looking at Morales. ‘You want me to take Louis and Eliza, Morales? It’s no problem at all.’

Morales seemed to ponder the question, before he nodded. ‘Yeah, can you please. Louis, Eliza; be good to Lori and Carol. I’ll come and get you once this is over.’

Louis seemed ready to argue, but a look from Morales sent him up and running along with Eliza to join Carl and Sophia. Lori walked with the kids out of the room; a mother duck marching her ducklings away.

‘Right, if you would all follow me,’ Edwin said.

*

Rick found himself gathered up with the rest of the group, all of them barring Lori, Carol, and the children in a room with a gigantic screen displayed on the wall. A projector was on, and Edwin was currently fiddling about with his computer to get the video up and running.

_We’re all infected._

Rick tried to join in the small talk between Glenn and Dale, both men discussing the advantages and disadvantages of having so many bottles of wine to drink whenever they pleased. _How can they keep on as if we aren’t all infected, as if we won’t all turn into one of the walkers?_

Of course, they did not know.

Rick stared at the scratches on Shane, who would lightly scratch at his neck every now and then. He did not buy his explanation for the scratches, Shane had always been a heavy sleeper since their youth and he did nothing of the sort before. _Granted, last night would have been the first night in a while he slept properly. Because unlike me, Shane did not find out that death is the trigger, not the bite. The bite kills, that is all. Which leads to death._

Jenner cursed under his breath. ‘Sorry folks, I hate having to do this. VI, please put on test subject nineteen.’

A voice responded, female but her tone betrayed no sense of feeling in the words. ‘Putting on test subject nineteen, retrieved from the test subject files under the category Reanimation Process.’

The screen flickered from empty white to life. H _ow can he be so unbothered about all of this? God, I need to tell them all. But what can I say? Maybe he will tell them all with this video._

‘You okay?’ T-Dog murmured into his ear. Rick looked up to see him staring. His eyes were narrowed. ‘You seem a bit distracted this morning.’

‘Yeah, just fine man,’ Rick responded. ‘I just could not get to sleep at all last night, that’s all. Nothing more to it.’

_I’m not a fool. I know Jacqui thought something was off earlier, and T-Dog does now as well. I need to get my head out of my ass._

‘I hear you,’ T-Dog said, before he turned his attention to what Edwin was saying.

Rick joined him, hoping that Edwin would unburden him of having to tell the secret. He got the impression that was not going to be the case as the screen displayed a skeletal head and the brain inside the head. Multiple blue threads were all intertwined with one another, giving off flashes of light.

‘The blue is meant to represent everything going on in the brain,’ Edwin was explaining. ‘Everything that makes you, you basically. This subject was somebody who got bitten and she immediately set out to record footage of everything that happened to her.’ He paused for a moment, before continuing. ‘This video shows you that footage. VI, please skip forward to minute mark nine.’

_This was Candace, had to be._

The video skipped to minute mark nine, and the group saw that the blue threads were turning off one by one like Christmas bulbs until there was nothing but darkness. Andrea let out a small gasp, before turning away. Jacqui rubbed at her back. Edwin looked at them, it was clear that he did not know if he should keep going with the video.

‘Her sister passed away not two days ago,’ Jacqui explained. ‘It’s been a rough couple of days.’

Edwin nodded, and he looked weary. ‘I’m sorry to hear that. I can always stop, just say the word.’

Andrea shook her head. She wiped away tears before they could fall. ‘No, it’s okay. I need to see this.’

Edwin nodded, and they all turned to see the empty brain. ‘As you can tell, the brain is completely dead. There is nothing there anymore, nothing that made us, us. I don’t know if that will comfort you or not, but this is what all our research showed.’

‘Good,’ Shane said. ‘It’s better to think they are gone instead of being trapped in there.’

_We left Jim though. And we don’t even know what lies beyond normal death, never mind what it’s like to be a walker._

The thought suddenly gave Rick a rush of hope that he desperately clung onto. _Just because Edwin and Candace, whoever she had been to Jenner, thought that death triggered the infection didn’t necessarily mean it had to be true._

The video still contained the brain that had shut down, a black canvas with all the life wiped out. Rick wondered how long they had to wait to see the reanimation process. It did not take long. It started off as a small red dot, followed by more red dots that soon intertwined with one another much like the blue threads that had once been present in the brain.

Edwin caught his breath, and Rick looked at him from the corner of his eye.

The video showed the head begin to open her mouth open and shut, her brain completely filled with red before a flash of white light suddenly cut through the red lights. And darkness once again resumed.

‘What was that?’ Jacqui asked in alarm.

‘He shot her in the head,’ Andrea said. ‘Didn’t you?’

Edwin nodded. ‘I couldn’t stand to see it again. There were others who went through this process, but we didn’t get a good a video as we did with test subject nineteen.’

‘I don’t understand,’ Rick said. _Got to go with my train of thought, he has got to be wrong. He just has to be._ ‘What were those red lights? I thought there was no traces of them at all.’

Edwin looked at Rick then in the eye. It was the first time he had done so this morning. That look told him he knew what Rick was trying to do. ‘That red is just the virus itself reclaiming the brain,’ he said as reasonably as he could. The video had shaken his posture. ‘But you all saw that brain turn to darkness. There was nothing left of who that person was, who she used to be. All traces of her died the moment her brain shut down. Her body is just a puppet for the virus.’

Andrea broke into a strangled sob then. Both Jacqui and Dale were by her side immediately, hushing her and comforting her.

‘I’m sorry,’ Edwin said. ‘I know it’s hard to hear. And if it gives you any comfort, that patient was my wife. Believe me, I wish I had better news to give. I wanted there to be traces of her still left, maybe I could have brought her back. But it was out of my power. Really.’

Rick closed his eyes. _What he is saying, I can’t argue with without looking insane._

‘So that’s it then?’ T-Dog asked. ‘There’s nothing else you can do? Why aren’t you looking for other ways to get a cure, or at least a vaccine to stop us from getting infected.’

Rick looked at Edwin then, curious to see how he would try to get out of that question without giving up what he had told him.

Edwin grimaced. ‘Because I have no other resources. And I hate to say it, but you guys are the first human contact I’ve had in over a month. You know today is day sixty-six since this whole outbreak began? Atlanta was bombed two weeks in, I lost contact with the other countries two weeks after. Candace died five days after that. There’s nothing left, we’ve lost this war.’

A heavy silence hung over the group then, as if they had all been collectively punched in the gut. Rick found his world spinning. Maybe it was the hangover, but hearing this news hit just as hard as the secret he had been told the night before. _And the others don’t even know that. How would they feel if they did know?_

Rick understood Edwin Jenner then completely, and felt a tremendous amount of pity for him.

‘I hate to change the subject and all,’ Dale said. He had his arms around Andrea who had stopped crying, only sniffling as she dealt with the impact of Edwin’s words. ‘But that clock has been bothering me, Jenner. What is it counting down to?’

Rick looked at the clock. Dale was right in that the digital clock was ticking down. Right now, it read **01:45:03** , with the seconds counting down before it changed to **01:44:59**.

Edwin sighed then. ‘I was hoping none of you would ask that. Truth is, I don’t even know how I can explain to you what that clock is counting down towards.’

Rick felt dread coil inside him. Just from the way Edwin looked, he knew something was wrong.

‘Well can you try to explain? You did a good job explaining the virus and the state of our worlds.’

‘I can’t,’ Edwin said. That is all he was willing to offer up too; he turned and walked out and ignored Shane’s furious outbursts. ‘Where the hell is he going? Get back here?’

‘VI,’ Jacqui said. ‘What is the clock counting down towards?’

VI replied, smooth and emotionless as ever. ‘The clock is counting down to the self-destruction of the CDC underground and building to keep any possible viruses from escaping to surface level.’

*

‘You sure you’re okay?’ Lori asked Eliza, who only looked at her before nodding. She clutched tightly onto her doll. ‘You sure?’

‘Yeah.’ Lori looked over Eliza’s head to see Carol, who looked worriedly at the girl herself. Both women had noticed that Eliza seemed withdrawn. _And who can blame her? Her own mother has just died. And you think you have problems._

‘You sure you don’t want to play with your brother, Carl and Sophia then?’ Lori asked. Eliza was sitting in the middle of them on a couch they had dragged from the office. The other kids were in the corner of the gym, running on the treadmills. Louis had looked worriedly over at Eliza from time to time but kept up with his peers.

‘I just want to sit with you,’ Eliza said.

‘That’s okay, darling. You do what you want,’ Carol said. She smiled then. ‘What is your doll’s name?’

‘Buttons,’ Eliza replied. ‘I’ve always had her, she’s never been away from me.’

‘That’s good,’ Carol said. ‘I used to have a doll just like that, when I was a little girl. Her name was Janine. I thought of giving Sophia that name when she was just a baby, because Janine always helped me through whatever troubles I had.’

‘Really?’ Eliza perked up.

 _She’s really good with her._ Before at the camp, Lori had known Carol to be sweet and attentive with Sophia from what little they all saw of her. But with Ed’s presence hanging around like a noose on her neck, it was very rare that Carol would interact with others such as the other children of the camp. _Just like my own noose._

Lori inwardly groaned, and she twiddled her thumbs. A sign of nerves if there ever was. She still couldn’t believe the audacity of Shane walking into the cafeteria, as if he did not try to violate her the other night and completely destroy whatever positive image she had left of him. _I need to tell somebody. Even if it’s not Rick. I just can’t be around that man now, he’s becoming dangerous._

Lori had hoped she would have been able to tell Jacqui, but Jenner had come in and that had been the end of it. Being in the room alone with just the kids and Carol could have been an opportunity to tell the latter, but Eliza sat between them.

Looking over to see Louis laugh at something Carl said, Lori felt frightened all over again as if she was still outside, vulnerable to any walker. _If he could do that to me, then he could be dangerous to Carl. Nobody who claims to love somebody can hurt them in that way._

Another side of her tried to wave away that line of thinking, tried to tell her that it had just been the drink inside him. _But that doesn’t make it any less wrong, does it Lori? And you know it. Besides, you saw his eyes. It was like he was a man possessed._

Lori shook her head to chase away the thoughts. No matter what happened, she was determined not to let it eat her alive. She would have to find a way to deal with it, for her husband and son if not for herself.

‘I wonder how they are getting on,’ Carol said after Eliza dozed off to sleep in her lap. ‘With the video, I mean.’

‘Yeah,’ Lori said. ‘Me too. Maybe Jenner can show us at some other time.’

Carol looked at Eliza, before looking at the rest of the kids. ‘What do you think of him saying he lost contact with the other countries.’

‘It frightens me more than you know,’ Lori said honestly. If she was going to keep silent about Shane, she was not going to be silent about other things. ‘I didn’t expect things to be as bad as they were. I knew they were bad, just not that bad.’

‘True,’ Carol said. ‘I was the same. But honestly, and it’s selfish to say this.’

‘What is it?’ Lori asked. She was curious, wondering what Carol could possibly say to consider herself selfish.

‘I’m glad things played out the way they did,’ she said in a quiet voice. She did not look in Lori’s eyes to see her reaction. ‘Not with Amy, Jim or Miranda, never that. But Ed, I mean. I don’t think I would have ever been rid of him if those monsters didn’t attack the camp.’

Lori found herself wanting to give Carol a big hug. _Like you said Lori, you think you have problems. Carol had to live with worse long before this shit even happened. Shane isn’t at all like Ed. Isn’t he?_

Ignoring the voice of protest, Lori said, ‘Don’t feel like you are selfish for thinking that. We were all worried he was going to do something bad to you and Sophia that whole time we were at camp. I’m glad he died, so you and Sophia can finally live your lives.’

Carol looked up, her eyes glistening. ‘That’s the thing, Lori. I’m glad too. But he was still Sophia’s father, and I’m thinking thoughts like that? What kind of person does that make me?’

‘Human,’ Lori replied without hesitation. ‘It makes you human. And don’t get me wrong, I feel so bad for your little girl. And it will take time for her to move on, she will always miss her daddy. But she is better off.’

Carol smiled. ‘Thanks, Lori.’

‘Anytime.’

Just then, the door flew open as Rick burst in, Morales not far behind him. ‘Come on, we’ve got to go,’ Rick said.

‘Louis, Eliza. Come on,’ Morales said. Eliza awoke to the sound of her name getting called out, and the other kids moved on from the treadmill.

Lori fought to keep her panic from rising at the tone of their voices, the wild desperation in Rick’s eyes. ‘What’s going on? Why do we need to go?’

Rick hesitated. _What he wants to say will frighten the kids, which frightens me._

Before Lori considered dropping the matter for now and asking him later, Rick answered her question without shielding his words. ‘The entire CDC is going to blow. That clock is on a timer to self-destruct. We’ve got maybe an hour and a bit to get out of here before it does.’

Lori shot up instantly as did Carol, and Lori instantly grabbed onto Carl who ran over to her arms. Sophia let out a whimper and Carol hugged her too. ‘You’re serious?’ Lori asked.

‘Deadly,’ Rick replied, looking at her straight in the eyes. And just like that the three families rushed out of the gym, determined to beat time and her ever ticking hand.

*

Edwin sat down at his office chair, and sighed. He saw the group panicking and rushing to their rooms from outside his glass window. He assumed they were desperately grabbing onto clothes and weapons that would help them from going to the outside world.

He looked at Candace in her photo. She was smiling, teeth as white as snow and her eyes full of life. Blue eyes, and not the yellow evil they had been when she had returned for her second life. _God, Candace. I hope you were right about that prediction. We were so wrong about everything else, I don’t want to imagine you being trapped in that monster._ _Not even for a second._

He sighed and closed his eyes. The gun he had used to put his wife of twenty-one years out of her misery was in his cabinet drawer. He had been tempted to use it on himself many times, but one look of the picture on his desk would change his mind. _She would want me to keep on going. Find a cure, find a way out of this whole mess. But how could I compare to you, Candace? You were the fire behind this whole operation, the one that never gave up even when everybody else did._

‘Including me,’ he muttered and rubbed his eyes. God, he was tired. He needed rest. And he knew that rest would come for him at long last once the clock ticked down all the zero.

He looked at the cameras that showed every room of the building, as well as outside. He still did not know what possessed him to touch the button to allow the group in the other night, knowing there was little time left for life at the CDC. He supposed the desperation in Rick and Andrea’s voices, and the first sight of human presence since Candace had caused him to make the decision to let them in.

But it had been cruel to give them such false hope, and he knew he had broken something in Rick’s spirit once he told him the truth. _Just like it broke mine._

Seeing the test samples had just confirmed what Candace had suspected all along. He wanted to rage against the walls, cry out it wasn’t fair. He had wanted to shatter the glass tubes of blood and deny they ever existed. Most of all, he just wanted rest. _And the group won’t get that if they got out. Rick certainly didn’t respond well to the news. They’ll be better off not going out to there to get ripped apart and dying knowing it was all for nothing. That none of what they will go through was all for nothing._

Not for the first time since this had all started, Edwin felt the pressure of an entire country, of the entire human race on his shoulders. He had no reason to believe that they weren’t very well the last humans in the planet still capable of thought.

Sighing and feeling twice his age, Edwin pressed the button that would cause the barrier to come crashing down the only exit from the underground chamber.

_It’s for the best. If there is an afterlife, they will thank me for it once they see what this virus has done to the world._

*

T-Dog had just been inches away from the shutter before it came crashing down. Any closer and it would have come down on his head. His heart thumped. He turned around to see most of the group staring in alarm. It was as if the shutter that had come crashing down had crushed all their hopes. And in a way, it had.

‘What do we do?’ Little Sophia asked, her voice frightened. Carol held onto her tightly, and her eyes asked T-Dog the same question.

_Think, Theodore. Think for once in your miserable life._

He looked at the office where the doctor was sitting behind glass windows, not looking up to see what the noise the shutter had brought. His glance caught Shane’s, and he turned to look as well. He stormed off to the office, and T-Dog followed him. He could hear some of the others behind him.

‘Hey!’ Shane roared, his voice echoing in the chamber. T-Dog looked at the digital clock, it was now down to **01:05:09.**

_Fuck, we should have ditched the clothes and just ran. Stupid man, so goddamn stupid._

But he didn’t have time to ponder on things he should have done and things he shouldn’t have. The urgency in Shane’s voice shook him from that notion. He should be urgent himself, they only had a hour to get out of there before they were all blown to kingdom come.

‘Hey!’ Shane opened the door, but the door was locked. ‘Open the fucking door!’

Not wanting to be as useful as a fish out of water, T-Dog went to the glass windows and slammed his hand repeatedly to get the doctor’s attention. ‘Come on, man. Open the door and let us out!’

Jenner looked at him, and shook his head. T-Dog felt himself possessed with a rage he did not thought was possible. Not even Merle’s attempted coup awakened this fire inside of him. The only time that had come close was when he had gotten the news about Veronica. _I could kill this man with my bare hands_.

The thought seemed to enflame the fire inside him, but T-Dog knew his temper was more like ice, cold to the extreme.

‘Get back!’ Shane had stopped slamming the door and went to get a shotgun. ‘Get down!’

Lori screamed and covered Carl’s ears. Rick raised his hands from a safe distance. ‘Shane, brother, stop! Shooting him won’t get us out of here.’

‘I’m not killing him!’ Shane said. He pulled the trigger and fired. Everybody ducked instinctively. The bullet hit the glass and shattered into a million fragments. Some of the glass cut Edwin who continued to sit in his chair, not phased at all by being in the proximity of a shotgun being fired into his room.

Shane climbed over the space where the glass once was and grabbed onto Jenner’s shirt. ‘Let us out, now!’ #

‘No,’ Jenner replied. He did not flinch from Shane’s piercing gaze. His response must have pushed Shane with fire in the same way T-Dog's rage had been. With a roar, Shane punched Edwin with a satisfying thud. And he did it again, and again.

‘Enough!’ Rick climbed over the space and grabbed onto Shane. He alone was not enough to pull the muscular man off the doctor though. ‘T-Dog, give me a hand!’

T-Dog considered, but only for a moment before he followed the man that he shared a lot of loss and pain with. Merle’s ghost and the consequence of the handcuffs would always be between them, and giving the last couple of days it looked like they were going to be thrown into extreme life or death situations. Such as the situation they were currently in.

Grabbing onto Shane, T-Dog pulled with all his might alongside Rick. They succeeded, and all men were panting for breath afterwards. Shane went to lurch again, but again Rick stopped him.

‘Enough!’ Dale called out. T-Dog had never seen the old man so angry before. He was almost shaking from the effort it took. ‘We don’t have time for this!’

‘He’s right,’ T-Dog heard Rick say to Shane. A conversation meant to be between just brothers in all barring blood, but T-Dog was in close distance and heard all. ‘Don’t kill him, we’ll never get out if you do.’

‘You won’t get out even if you don’t kill me,’ Jenner replied. T-Dog looked at the man in disbelief. _What is wrong with this guy?_

‘Why are you wanting to take us with you?’ Shane challenged. ‘What the fuck is wrong with you?’

T-Dog saw the group come closer to the office to hear what was going on. He noted that Andrea wasn’t particularly listening to the conversation, rather intently focused on the clock ticking away. **58:04.**

They were wasting time. T-Dog turned desperately to Jenner, hoping that he would change his mind in that instant, and they would all be off before they saw the explosion.

‘I can’t let you leave,’ Jenner was saying now. His head was a bloody horror from what Shane had done to him. T-Dog had never saw what Shane had supposedly done to Ed, but he could only imagine after seeing the state of Jenner.

‘Why not?’ Lori asked. Her tone was pleading. ‘We have kids, we all looked for you for help. Why are you killing us?’

‘I’m not killing you,’ Jenner coughed blood. ‘I’m saving you.’

‘Saving us?’ T-Dog asked in disbelief. ‘That is a funny way of showing it. She’s right, you are killing us.’

‘No I am not,’ Jenner snapped. ‘Haven’t you people been listening to what I’ve been saying all along? There is no sanctuary out there to go to. The world is filled with those things, and at least this way we can choose our own fate.’

_My god, the man has lost his fucking mind._

Shane snarled. ‘Just tell us what the fucking button is, and we will get out of here on our own.’

T-Dog examined the desk where Jenner was sitting. Looking at it, it was more like a complex machine than a proper desk with all sort of buttons. Nothing indicated which one was which.

‘You might just trigger the clock to go off sooner than it should,’ Jenner said. He smiled, his teeth bloody. ‘Save us all sooner.’

Rick shook his head. _He’s being awful quiet, usually he takes charge in situations like this._

‘Can you tell us how you are saving us?’ Glenn asked. ‘You’ve got us locked up in here in a building that is ready to blow any minute.’

‘My daughter doesn’t deserve to die like this,’ Carol wailed. She hugged Sophia desperately.

‘But that is what I mean,’ Jenner pointed out. He got from his chair and ignored Shane who threatened with only his posture over him, and walked to the empty space to talk to Carol directly. ‘Wouldn’t it be kinder to just go, a flashing light and its all over for her. She doesn’t need to get ripped apart by those things, because that is all they do, you know? They rip into us and eat us. What kind of way is that to go out?’

Sophia cried and Carol covered her ears. Shane roared again, and grabbed onto Jenner. Rick tried to stop him, but T-Dog stood back this time. He only had sight for the little girl crying in her mother’s embrace.

 _Fuck, I’ll need to start pressing those buttons. It’s the only way we are going to get out of here._ But before he could, Jenner pushed Shane back and spoke.

‘Enough,’ he said. ‘You all know I am right. Andrea, is it? Would you say you want any of those children to end up like your sister?’

Andrea looked up sharply at the doctor. This seemed to enrage Dale more than the beating he saw Jenner get. ‘Don’t you dare,’ he said with a threatening finger. ‘Don’t you dare use Amy like that.’

‘But it’s true,’ Jenner pointed out. There was a mad fanatical tone to his voice. ‘Who in their right mind wants to end up like one of those, those beasts out there? Mindless, hungry, always wanting more and killing more and more people that get in their way. The government seen that it was over for us all when they abandoned us and bombed us. One second and it’s all over.’

‘Jim did,’ Jacqui said quietly. She, like Andrea, had not been involved in the desperate struggle to get out of their likely tomb. _We’ve got fifty minutes left._

‘What?’ Jenner asked.

‘Jim. He was one of the people bitten, and he wanted to turn and join his family,’ Jacqui took a shuddering breath. ‘He’s been on my mind ever since. I’ve been going over what you have said, about there being nothing left of you after you turn. He did that for nothing.’

‘Yes,’ Jenner said. ‘He did do it for nothing. Just like everything you will go through will be for nothing if I let you out, because if the army can’t survive them then who can? You lot?’

‘Give us a chance,’ Rick spoke up. T-Dog hadn’t been more glad than that moment when he did finally speak up. He felt that his voice had been missing from the pleas.

‘Why?’ Jenner sounded baffled. ‘You know why I’m doing this. You of all people. There’s nothing left for us.’

‘What does he mean, Rick?’ Shane asked. ‘You of all people?’ Rick sighed, and Jenner held triumph in his eyes. ‘I wondered if you would tell them, and I know why you didn’t. There is no hope out there, not after what we know.’

‘What is he talking about Rick?’ Lori asked. Carl sobbed into her chest as she held him.

_Fuck, what is going on here? Just press the fucking button and get us out of here!_

‘Should you tell them or should I?’ Jenner asked. Despite the clock ticking away ( **44:49** ) time seemed to stand still for the group as they all awaited Rick’s response. Before Jenner could speak up, Rick got ahead of him.

‘We’re all infected,’ Rick said. There was gasps, cries of denial. T-Dog felt like somebody had taken a sledgehammer to his head.

‘What do you mean?’ He asked, knowing for absolute certainly that he had not been bitten in the last twenty-four hours. _Didn’t he?_

Shaking his head, Rick looked at them all before settling his eyes on his wife and son. ‘We’re all infected. The tests last night showed Jenner it’s all in our blood. It doesn’t matter how we die, we turn into one of them.’

Jacqui buried her head in her hands. Morales took his kids aside and were whispering soft words to them, some of which T-Dog caught. _He’s saying his goodbyes. My god, it’s really over._

He thought of Veronica then, his darling little sister who had big dreams and an even bigger heart. She was sixteen years old when she died, brutally gangraped and killed by a bunch of thugs. And the law had let her down, let all those closest to her down. He could still remember his mother bursting down in tears at the news.

And the dreams, the dreams he remembered most of all. She was going to go to one of the best universities and become a doctor, and have a big house and practice painting in her spare time. She deserved a chance, she was going to make it before her life had been cut short. He was damned if the children of the group were going to get their lives cut short too, especially from a man who hadn’t been out in the world.

‘That doesn’t change anything,’ T-Dog said. Some people looked up at him, including Rick and Jenner. Shane stared at Rick, his mouth open. _He’ll catch flies if he leaves it open._

‘How does it not?’ Jenner asked. ‘At least this way you won’t come back. It’s a guarantee you won’t.’

T-Dog shook his head. ‘That means jack shit. Those kids deserve a chance to live. And you haven’t been out there. We have. We’ve lost a lot of people, but we still made it here, didn’t we?’

Flashes of Amy, Miranda and Jim passed his mind as well as the ever-eternal image of Merle. ‘People died before in plagues, but mankind always pulled through.’

‘That’s right,’ Glenn piped up. He came to stand next to T-Dog so Jenner could look at him fully. ‘There was a retirement home, a full group of men were looking after the elderly that were abandoned by the staff. They are still up and running, even after all this. If they make it, we can too.’

T-Dog saw a flash of doubt in Jenner’s eyes. _Good, maybe we can get out of this after all._

‘Please, just give us this chance,’ Rick finished their pleas. ‘It’s not your decision to make. We might be all infected, but I’m not going to let that stop me from protecting my family and making sure they get to a safe place.’

Jenner sighed, before he walked over to the buttons. He pressed one of them, and instantly the shutters came up.

‘C’mon,’ Lori said, snatching Carl’s hand and running. Most of the group went to follow her lead. Jenner sat down on his chair, defeated.

‘Thank you,’ Rick said. ‘We’re grateful.’

T-Dog jumped over the empty space to follow the group, but he heard Jenner’s response just as clear.

‘The day will come when you won’t be.’

They had thirty minutes to get out of the building. 

*

Dale made his descent down the stairs when he turned around. Andrea was staring at him, but she was not moving.

‘Andrea, come on,’ he reached his hand out for her to take. ‘We need to get out of here, fast!’

‘No,’ Andrea replied. She had tears in her eyes. ‘I’m staying, Dale.’

It was as if he had been swept from underneath his feet. _Staying?_ The best response he could give was a splutter. ‘But why?’

‘You should go,’ Andrea turned around and sat on one of the chairs.

‘I’m staying too,’ Jacqui said. T-Dog stopped in his tracks just as Dale had. ‘Don’t be crazy!’ He yelled. ‘Come on,’ he reached his hand out for Jacqui to take. She refused. ‘I’m not going to end up like Jim or Amy,’ Jacqui replied. Her voice cracked. ‘I’m just not, T-Dog. Edwin’s right. It’s been eating me alive, thinking about it. I don’t want to end up like that, please just go.’

T-Dog shook his head. ‘I’m not going to let you go, Jacqui. I can’t.’

Dale added his voice. ‘Please, Jacqui. Think this through. You too, Andrea.’

Jacqui smiled. ‘You can’t change my mind Dale, Jim couldn’t change his either. Remember? I was so mad at him, but I see that he was right now.’

T-Dog looked like he was about to stay and argue, but something inside him resolved when he heard Rick call out for his and Dale’s names.

‘Then I guess this is goodbye.’

Jacqui nodded. ‘I guess it is, sweetie. It’s been fun getting to know you.’

T-Dog hugged her tightly, gave her a lingering look before running off to join the group.

‘Dale!’ Glenn shouted. ‘Come on.’ He and Rick were the last ones to stay of the fleeing survivors, not willing to leave any stragglers behind who hadn’t made up their minds.

‘Just go,’ Dale called out. ‘I’ll be right behind you.’

He turned around, not willing to see them hesitate before turning around. He heard their footsteps in the distant hall. Jenner still had not left his office. Instead, he was cradling a photo. Dale thought better than to try and change his mind. He looked at the clock. He had twenty four minutes to try and change Andrea and Jacqui’s.

‘Please, Jacqui,’ Dale said. His voice sounded weak, and he hated it. _Why does nobody listen to me when it comes to shit like this? Irma didn’t. Jim didn’t. Now Jacqui and Andrea._

Jacqui shook her head. ‘You’re sweet, Dale. Always have been. But I’m a grown woman, I make my own decisions. Always have, and I always will until the end.’

She hugged him then, and whispered in his ear. ‘But I won’t stop you in trying to change Andrea’s mind.’ She let go of him then, kissed him on the cheek before walking off to the railings and began to pray.

Dale turned to look at Andrea, who wasn’t caught up in a prayer but rather at the clock ticking away. She heard the sound of his footsteps and looked at him with alarm. ‘What are you still doing here?’ Andrea said. ‘The clock’s ticking, you need to get out of here and fast.’

Dale shook his head. ‘I can’t talk Jacqui out of it, and I’m not even going to try with Jenner over there. But you are far too smart to think I won’t talk you out of it. You know you and Amy mean the world to me, you think she would want you to go out like this?’

Andrea looked as if he had slapped her. ‘Don’t mention her name like that,’ she said. ‘You’ve only known us for a couple of months, that doesn’t mean you knew us like that.’

Dale refused to take the bait. _She’s trying to piss me off, make me storm off and leave her here. I don’t think so._

'I knew her,’ he said. He hid his satisfaction when Andrea looked at him, almost leathal in her snarl. ‘I knew you too. Both of you were scared woman in a dangerous world, and I took you both in. I was scared shitless myself, but I wasn’t going to leave you out there. I took you in, and you honestly helped me feel a little less scared and more hopeful for the future.’

Andrea shook her head to protest his words. ‘We just used you for the RV, that is all.’

Dale snorted. ‘Yeah, right.’ _Eighteen minutes, fuck! Come on, Dale. Get us out of this one._

He pressed on. ‘You told me she loved mermaids. You gave her that necklace, I saw it on her when we set to bury her. And you didn’t need to tell me that you felt awkward with her, because you were older than her and you thought there was a distance between you both. You didn’t need to tell me because I know, Andrea. I know.’

Andrea hesitated. ‘But that doesn’t mean anything, Dale. In fifteen minutes I’ll be gone. You can’t stay here, you need to go. I won’t be responsible for your death too.’

Dale huffed, then sat down on the nearest chair. Andrea stared at him defiantly. ‘Don’t do this, Dale.’

‘Do what?’ He asked, his voice dripping with sarcasm. ‘Care about you enough that I don’t want you to die? Is that heartless of me?’

‘Yes,’ Andrea said. ‘It is because I want to go my way, and I can’t if you intend to go with me.’

‘Because I care about you, Andrea!’ Dale cried. ‘I’d rather live in a world with you than without you. It was hard enough when Amy passed, I can’t lose you too. You girls gave me meaning to live, for the first time since Irma died.’

Andrea closed her eyes, sighed then opened them again. Dale knew she had made her decision.

‘I’ll go,’ she said.

They had eleven minutes to get out of the building.

*

They were in the main hall once again with the artificial plants and empty computer screens. What had seemed like refuge had turned into a death trap that not even nightmares could make up.

And they couldn’t get out.

Shane tried with all his might to open the double doors, but they were not budging. Not in the slightest.

‘Fuck!’ He cried. Rick felt his heart racing, but his hands held the shotgun Shane had used to shatter the window downstairs.

‘Everybody get back!’ Shane turned to look at him, and both men looked at one another just for an instant before he nodded. _If we get out of this, I’m going to need to talk to him about his fury._

Pushing the thought to the back of his mind, he aimed the gun at the window and pulled the trigger. A small crack appeared at the window, but nothing more.

Cursing, he fired again. Another small crack, but no dice.

Dropping the shotgun, Rick picked up an axe from one of the bags and ran to the window. He started whacking. T-Dog and Shane grabbed their own melee weapons and joined in, but the window wouldn’t budge.

‘The glass won’t break?’ Carl asked. Rick looked at his son, and his wife holding him in her arms. _My god, I led them here. They’re going to die because of me._

‘We’ll break the glass, Carl,’ Rick assured him. _How many lies is this that I’ve told? To my own family nonetheless. Fuck, just got to keep trying to get out of this mess._

Before he could focus on trying to break the glass again, Carol quickly ran up to him.

‘Rick, I got this from your shirt the day you arrived,’ she spoke fast, not letting a breath get in between the words, not allowing herself to waste any time the way he seemed to be doing. ‘I kept it with me after the camp attack, just in case.’

Rick held onto what she gave him, not daring to believe what he held in his hand. A grenade. The same grenade he removed from the tank.

‘Thank you,’ Rick whispered. He kissed Carol on the cheek and turned to Shane and T-Dog. ‘Guys, get back. We’re getting out of here with this.’

He showed it to them, and it was like he held the mythical apple of Eden in his hands. _Maybe I’m starting to get a little religious after all._

Once certain everybody was at a safe distance from the damage the grenade would cause, Rick unpinned the grenade. Not even stopping to think, he rolled the grenade across the floor where the doors were before running to jump behind the desk.

‘Fuck!’ He cried out as the grenade exploded.

Not wasting a second, he looked up to see what damage he had caused. The doors had been blown off from their hinges. They could get out.

‘C’mon,’ Rick said. He grabbed Lori’s hand and Carl’s; and the family ran. Not far behind them were the entire group, a group of people who were following his lead. It did not make sense to Rick then, after all the trouble he had caused them.

They ran out into the blinding white. The same white he had saw coming out of the hospital, which felt like a million years ago but had only been less than a week ago.

After their vision cleared, they could see the walkers strolling in the field. Most were scattered and aimless, turning around to see their fresh food but not being close enough to grab any of them for a bite to eat. All the same, some of the survivors shot their guns if they had one in their hand. Shane took one down, so did Morales.

But all that truly mattered was getting to the RV. After what seemed like running an entire marathon through the city of Atlanta, they finally got to the convoy of vehicles they had left behind the other day and had not expected to return to anytime soon.

‘Get down,’ Rick cried. He could feel the pressure building up from the building, it was as if it was a living creature and it wanted the whole world to know it was about to go with a bang.

He turned around to see two figures in the distance getting out of the building. An old man and a blonde woman, holding hands as they ran.

*

‘They got out,’ Edwin said in disbelief as he looked at the monitor in disbelief. ‘They got out,’ he repeated.

 _They will make it_.

‘They did,’ Jacqui said. She smiled at Edwin as he looked at her, eyes filled with wonder.

_I know they will._

She held her hand out, and after hesitating he grabbed her hand tightly.

B _ut I’m going where my sister awaits me._

There were only ten seconds left in the clock.

_I’m not going to risk that chance of truly dying and never seeing her ever._

There were five seconds left in the clock.

‘I’m scared,’ Jenner whispered.

_Three seconds._

‘Me too,’ Jacqui replied.

_One second._

There was a boom far away in the distance, but for Jacqui there was only blinding white.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honestly after the small bump in the road for the beginning of the last chapter, I was having doubts as I wrote this chapter. The CDC chapter gave me a challenge more than I thought it would, but I was actually really happy with how this one turned out even if it is mostly the same as the show. 
> 
> I had this playing in the background which really fit with the conversation between Dale and Andrea I felt:
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aXAl1-yEqrs
> 
> As usual I hope you all enjoyed the chapter. A tease for the next chapter is that it will be all content that was never in the show, or the comics. Which makes me nervous but also excited for the challenge of doing new things. And I'm going to rename this story to The Walking Dead Remix. I'm not a big fan of the title but it's more fitting than City of the Dead. The title change will come with the next chapter.
> 
> I have also changed my username from skipping skittles to The Rarities.


	8. Day 66-67

The building of glass was no more, reduced to rubble and a burning inferno that would not burn out anytime soon. Not even the drizzle of rain that promised thunder showers later in the day would be able to put the fire out.

Rick put his foot down the pedal and could not help but look at the wing mirror to see the former CDC reduce into the distance. In the car with him had been the passengers he shared the car with before they had entered the building in the first place; his family, Carol and her daughter at the back, T-Dog to his right in the passenger seat.

Their loud breathing was the only thing that kept the car from fully silent. Nobody seemed to want to speak, not after their close brush with death.

_My fault. All my fault._

He looked in the mirror to see Carl, who seemed to be in a state of shock. Lori was brushing his hair, comforting, and whispering sweet nothings into his ear. She looked up and stared into his eyes. He stared back, unsure of what she was thinking _. Does she blame me for taking us there? Or for not telling her about the infection we all carry?_

His hand gripped the wheel tightly.

‘I honestly thought that was it,’ T-Dog was the first one to break the silence. He stared straight ahead. ‘Even with everything we’ve been through, I did think that was the closest I’ve actually come to dying.’

His words resonated with all in the car. Rick knew he had only been in this dangerous world only for a week, not even near as long as the others had been dealing with the situation. But he knew T-Dog’s statement was true for himself as well.

They passed overgrown fields, and a few stragglers of the dead. No doubt they had heard the explosion and had been following the noise, but now they turned their heads to stare at the convoy of vehicles that passed them. And they changed their destination to follow the convoy.

‘They never give us a break,’ Rick found himself saying. _Last night was the closest we got to a break and look what price you had to pay to get it._ The truth. The godawful truth that he wished he could just scrub from his brain, forget it forever and cling onto a distant hope that perhaps things would sort themselves out. _If not the world then at least the country._

‘No; they don’t’, T-Dog murmured.

In front of them the RV led the way, and behind them was Shane’s Honda. With the walkers at either side, Rick did not want to put a stop between them and find themselves get surrounded. Nonetheless, they needed to stop and find their next direction.

‘Why did Jacqui stay, mom?’ Carl asked. Rick did not have to look in the mirror to know that Lori had frozen, unsure of how to respond to her son. He closed his eyes briefly. He would have kept them shut forever if he was not driving. _Jacqui. Just another death I’m responsible for now. If not for me, she would never have went there and she would never have died._

‘I don’t know, Carl,’ Lori replied. ‘I honestly don’t know.’

Rick glanced a look at T-Dog, who rolled the window down to let cool air in. T-Dog turned to look at him, and he shook his head. Rick didn’t know what to make of that, so he kept on driving. Once they were reasonably in the clear from the walkers, the convoy slowed to a stop and all the survivors stepped out of their cars. Rick looked at Shane, who gave him a nod.

_I’ll need to remember to talk to him. He’s been in a rage too much recently._

Standing out here in the outskirts of Atlanta, with nothing but looted houses with cracked windows and burst open doors, Rick could understand why his friend was in such an angry mood all the time. The CDC had been the best thing that could have happened to them, and not even a full twelve hours later the building was no more. And they were back at square one.

‘So we going to Fort Benning?’ Shane asked. ‘Now that the CDC is a bust, we need to go somewhere.’

Rick shook his head. ‘That wasn’t what we agreed on, Shane. There is that retirement home in the city we should check out, they had a compound with heavily armed men.’

‘Yeah,’ Glenn jumped in eagerly. ‘It’s not that far from here as Fort Benning is.’

‘But it’s in the city,’ Shane pointed out. ‘Where there is thousands of those things. You really think a bunch of charity workers and old people are going to be enough of a defense against them?’

‘They weren’t charity workers,’ T-Dog said. ‘Like Rick said, they had their guns in addition to what he gave them from the bag. Look, I don’t like the idea of being in the city either. But it’s worth a visit, just to see if it’s manageable in either way.’

‘I don’t know man,’ Shane said. He stretched his back, and it was hard to miss the scratches on his chest. ‘I don’t want to see this fucking city again, you hear me? Nothing but bad luck.’

Dale interrupted then before a possible argument could break out. ‘I’m sorry, but don’t the rest of us have a say on where we go next too? We should put it up to a vote.’

‘Fair enough,’ Shane raised his arms. ‘I just think it will be a mistake, that’s all.’

‘Well, who wants to go to the retirement home?’ Rick asked. He looked around every face. The entire group barring Shane had put their hand up, as if they were school children trying to get attention from the teacher. The comparison made Rick feel odd, especially since the actual children who were school age themselves were the only ones who did not raise their hands.

 _And Shane_. Rick narrowed his eyes at his friend. _I’ll talk to him when we get to the retirement home._

‘Aren’t we going to talk about it?’ Andrea asked. Everybody turned to look at her, but she remained unphased. ‘What we talked about back there, about everybody infected?’

There was an uncomfortable silence then, and everybody seemed to try to avoid looking at one another. Shane, as always seemed to be the case, was the first to speak up. ‘Why didn’t you say anything, Rick? You should have told us first thing in the morning.’

_He’s got me there. I guess the truth will have to do._

‘Because I couldn’t deal with it myself, I guess,’ Rick said. ‘Just knowing something like this, it fucked me up beyond words. It’s like saying this thing is never going to go away, we’ll be stuck with it forever.’

Shane took in his words and nodded, the answer seemingly acceptable to him. _Honestly, who can even make out what Shane thinks these days._

Lori did not seem to share the same sentiment as Shane, however. ‘I think you should have told us, Rick.’ Her tone of voice reminded him of the many times they had argued in a life long ago about his many shifts, his seemingly never being there for Carl in the important moments. _Nothing has really changed between us, has it?_ He thought sadly as he looked at his wife. He had promised her he would be there for her and Carl, and twice now he had went back on that promise by indirectly putting them in danger.

‘Maybe I should have,’ Rick said. ‘It’s not like I held onto this secret for weeks, months even though. I only found out last night.’

‘We don’t even know if it’s true,’ Glenn pointed out. ‘I’m sorry but Jenner was off his rocker, he nearly killed us for crying out loud. Is everybody forgetting that part?’

‘No, you’re right Glenn,’ Rick said. ‘It’s what I hoped for when he was showing us that video. But I think he did truly believe it and remember he didn’t have that much of a high opinion on the government and what they did to try and defeat the dead. I think it’s the one thing they truly accomplished back there, and it’s why he wanted to kill us. To spare us from it all.’

A heavy silence hung over them then. _And Jacqui choose to go out that way._ His mouth tasted of bitterness, and he gave a quick glance at Andrea. If it hadn’t been for Dale, he would have had another death on his hands.

T-Dog seemed to be on the same train of thought, but he had a different take. He aimed his next words at Dale with venom that took Rick aback. ‘Why didn’t you try and get Jacqui back? You got Andrea out.’ His voice was accusing.

‘I did,’ Dale said. ‘Like you, I did. But she didn’t want to come out, I could not force her.’

‘You forced me,’ Andrea’s voice was quiet, but the weight of her words made it louder than any of them had been.

Dale turned around to face her, his face a surprise. ‘Andrea, listen. I couldn’t just let you die like that. You’re not in a right sta-‘

‘But what made Jacqui in her right state of mind?’ Andrea pointed out. 'What gave you the right to take my choice away from me? I could have stayed behind but I would have died knowing I had blood in my hands. Why would you force me in that way?' She sighed and rubbed her head. ‘I’m sorry, Dale. I’m not your little girl, I don’t need your help. Jacqui got a chance to get out of this mess we’re living in. Do you know I have nightmares about Atlanta getting bombed? I do almost every night. And that was my chance of getting away from that, just like Jacqui.’

‘I’m just trying to help,’ Dale said. His voice was weak, without much force behind them. Rick felt embarrassed after having to witness the argument blow up this way.

‘I know you are,’ Andrea said. ‘But I wanted away from this nightmare, I wanted to be with my sister again.’ Then she turned around to go into the RV, leaving Dale behind to look at her. He shook his head and turned to T-Dog. T-Dog seemed sheepish. ‘I’m sorry, old man. I think I’m just feeling guilty myself about Jacqui. I didn’t try hard enough with her, you know.’ He looked down at the ground. Rick heard him mutter, ‘I never try hard enough.’

Just then, they heard a soft moan. Turning around instantly, the group saw three or four walkers who were slowly but surely approaching them.

‘I think it’s time we go,’ Shane said.

‘I think you’re right,’ Rick responded.

*

The ride to the city had Glenn more anxious and filled him with dread in a way that he had never felt in his life. Even worse than when he had gotten extremely poor grades from school and had to present them to his nana.

_And this isn’t about some stupid schoolwork. This is life and death._

What did not help matters was the situation in the RV. He was sitting next to Dale for which he was grateful, but Dale himself who was the driver did not say a word on the whole journey from the CDC barring the stop. He had refused to look at the other passengers of the RV.

Glenn did not however, and he would chance small glances to see Andrea in a stormy silence and Morales lost in grief with his children. It was a small mercy that Shane was not in the RV with them too. The man seemed to be filled with pent up rage waiting to be let loose on the world. What he did to Jenner and supposedly Ed had shown that.

But it was not the current state of the group’s mind that had Glenn’s nerves on edge. It was the thought of Holly, and Guillermo and the community they had at the retirement home. _Anything can happen, Glenn. Anything! You know that better than most. Who even knows if they are even still there? Two days is a long time with the way things have been._

‘No,’ Glenn whispered. His cheeks blushed crimson when he realized he had argued with himself; out loud. It was one thing to do it in his mind and another thing entirely to do it in person.

Dale gave him a curious look. If anything, that made Glenn grow redder.

‘You okay son?’ He eventually asked. They were driving in the streets of Atlanta now, going past empty and looted shops and offices. Glenn knew all the locations by the back of his hand, and he was more than surprised to see so few walkers out and about. _It was never like this when I was out and about here. They must be hiding somewhere._

Figuring he needed to respond before he could be considered rude, Glenn did. ‘Yeah, I’m fine.’

Dale raised his eyebrows and said nothing in response. Glenn said a quick blessing mentally. He was never good at conversations that revolved around him, especially if it was about his feelings. It was with dismay he realized that Dale was not going to let him off the hook that easily.

‘I don’t think you are, Glenn,’ Dale said. ‘I think there’s something bothering you. What is it?’

Glenn sighed and looked out the window to see a walker naked as the day she had been born. The sight was revolting, as she only had one breast and her skin was decayed to the point you could see bone. ‘I’m just worried about this place we’re going to,’ Glenn said. He still did not look at Dale as the RV passed the walker and continued to follow the car Rick was driving. ‘I think it’s still standing, but after the CDC I don’t know man. And the thought of all those good people being killed doesn’t make me feel good, you know.’

_And Amy. God, you were such an idiot for not being there for her. Or telling her how you felt before…_

Dale considered his words, before he rubbed Glenn on the shoulder with one hand, his other still on the wheel. ‘They’ll be alright, Glenn. I’m sure of it. And even if the worst has happened, you’ll be alright.’

There was a light scoff in the background that could only have come from Andrea. Glenn saw the pain flash in Dale’s eyes. _Shit, I know Andrea’s mad but Dale doesn’t deserve this._ He thought better of saying something however, as it was a private matter between the two. No matter how public their arguments came to be.

‘I’m serious,’ Dale said. He hadn’t turned around to face Andrea. ‘There’s always a light at the end of the tunnel. It might be hard to see that now, lord knows we’ve suffered enough to last a lifetime. But we will get to a place where we can finally get some sort of peace or happiness. I learned that after Irma.’

Glenn felt a rush of gratitude flow through him. ‘Thanks, Dale.’

‘Anytime, kiddo.’

The gratitude did not last as they reached their destination. There were few walkers out in front of the streets, spread out far enough that the convoy could slip in-between them and stop directly at the doors. But Glenn could tell there was something wrong. He felt it in his bones.

 _Where are all the guards?_ He did not see anybody out and about, not on the rooftop or on the very ground. _It makes sense Glenn, c’mon. Walkers are out and about here, of course they don’t want to draw any noise._

Dale turned the ignition off when Rick got out of his own car and motioned for them to get out. ‘Let’s get out guys, quick as we can. We don’t want to get pinned inside these cars if we can help it.’

Glenn did not need to take his advice, he was already getting out of the doors. It was the silence that cut home for him. Despite the snarls coming from the walkers out on the street, he could hear nothing else barring his footsteps and breathing. It was the same sort of silence that told people that not a living soul was present in a building.

The same sort of silence when he had rushed in and had ground to a halt to at his nana’s apartment building, unsure of what he would find behind her door and already knowing the answer before he opened the door.

And Glenn knew what he was going to find as Rick ushered the entire group in. T-Dog was the first to open the door, and they all piled into the building. The door banged shut, loud as a gong in a church.

There was nobody to greet them. No Guillermo, no Miguel. Not even Jamie, the young man who had given Glenn the hat he was wearing now. There was only silence.

‘I don’t like this,’ Shane was the first to speak. _Of course he would be, he has no attachment to this place like me._ ‘It’s too quiet. Shouldn’t there be people who have met us by now.’

‘Yeah, I don’t like it either,’ Morales said. ‘We should get back in our cars, get out of here while we still can.’

They all stood frozen by their indecision on what to do, those who had guns ready to shoot at whatever arrived from the shadows and those who did not have guns clambering near them in order to be protected. They heard thunder in the distance, and in a moment later rain started to fall. They saw it bounce off the windows.

‘I think we should check the place out, at least,’ Rick said. ‘I gave Guillermo half of my guns. They might still be here, we will need them. And anything else they might have left behind.’

_They would only leave them behind if they had no choice. Or if they never truly left._

Glenn fought to keep from panicking, his eyes growing wide. He felt the urge to scream. The hysteria was bubbling up like the contents in a cauldron, he had no idea if he would scream or laugh.

A hand gripped his shoulder tightly. Glenn turned around to face Dale. ‘You alright, son?’ It was the warmth of the hand that Glenn needed, the concerned eyes looking into his own.

Andrea might not have needed Dale’s comfort, but Glenn grabbed onto it like a drowning man grabbing a life jacket. ‘I’m fine, Dale. I think Rick’s right. We need those supplies. And I want to find out if they are here.’ _One way or another._

Rick nodded. ‘That’s that settled then. I would say we should split up and look out, but truth of it is I don’t want anybody out of sight. We might all need to tuck tails and run, and nobody is going to get left behind. Not on my watch.’

‘What if we get cornered, Rick,’ Shane argued. ‘We could get backed up into a corner and not everybody might be able to get out cause there is so many of us backed into one another.’

‘Then that is a chance we have to take,’ Lori’s words surprised Glenn. Usually she stayed out of matters like this, but she was adding her voice for the first time. ‘I’m not going to sit here and wait for the men to scout out this place. We need to get away from these windows before the walkers come.’

On cue, the first walkers did arrive and bounced their hands against the window to announce their arrival. Glenn shivered, watching their hateful eyes glaring behind the glass. Their fists pounded harder at the sight of their feast.

‘Let’s go,’ Rick said, and they all followed suit. They wandered into a hallway which was scattered with tables and chairs overthrown and not at all in the position they should have been. Bullet holes decorated the walls, some having hit picture frames.

‘There was a shooting here,’ T-Dog pointed out the obvious. Glenn felt that hysteria once again, and he struggled internally to keep it from rising up like it almost had before. _Who would have done this?_

The answer came to him immediately. He did not see how it would have been possible, he was only one man against at least thirty men if not more. But it was the only candidate he could have thought of.

‘Could it have been Daryl?’ Glenn asked. He saw Rick and T-Dog share a glance, and knew that both men had been on similar line of thought.

‘Why would it have been him?’ Andrea asked. ‘He had nothing against these people, and besides he is only one man. Rambo can take on an army, I don’t think Dixon can.’

He could not stop it. He felt the panic overcome him. He was panting, struggling to breathe. He vaguely recalled Morales and Dale stepping to the side, gently sitting him down against the wall. The whole group looked at him in concern. Rick approached with a bottle of water.

‘Take a sip, Glenn. It’s going to be okay.’ Glenn took the bottle eagerly and drunk. _Why would it have been him? Because he killed your sister, Andrea. That man wanted to hurt us for what he did to Merle, and he got his revenge on these people too._

He thought of Holly then, her kind face and her urging to get him to talk to Amy and tell her how he felt about her. The shame and guilt of it all overwhelmed him, and not even taking greedy sips from a bottle of water could wash it all down.

Finally, he calmed. He looked at the group and flushed in embarrassment. ‘I’m sorry,’ he said.

‘It’s okay,’ Dale said. ‘You are just scared, that’s all. We all are.’

‘Are you sure you up for this, Glenn?’ Rick asked him. ‘We can just leave a few people with you here, and if anything happens we can come running back here and we all get out of the building. Easy as pie.’

Glenn shook his head violently. ‘No,’ he pushed himself up with Dale’s support. ‘I’ve got to know what’s happened. One way or another.’

Rick looked at him before nodding silently, indicating he understood. T-Dog did not look at him at all. _This is the secret we carry, the shame of it all. I don’t know how Andrea will react if she finds out about Daryl attacking the camp, or Morales for that matter._

It was best not to dwell on it, so Glenn followed the group and they approached the main hall where he had conversed with Holly. The soft groans told them all what they were going to walk into before they did.

All of them were there. The guards, the elderly and the ones who didn’t fit into either group. All of them wandering aimlessly in the hall, not having taken notice of the living that stood at the hallway, not daring to make a sound in case they attracted attention.

In the middle of the crowd, Glenn saw her. Holly. She was in her dressing gown, and her gown was covered in blood. Bullet holes decorated her body much like they had in the walls of the hallway. Her head was arched back as she hissed and moaned, her eyes a hideous yellow.

Rick and Shane were the first to react. The men grabbed onto the doors and slammed them shut. The hisses inside grew wild, and as Rick pushed a table against the door the sounds of fists hitting against the door showed how quickly the walkers would have pounced on them if they hadn’t reacted in the way they had.

Glenn closed his eyes as Dale held onto him tightly. All he could see was Holly as she had been, and the monster she was now. 

**Night 66**

Andrea watched at nothing in particular from the window as the rain continued to pound against the window. It had not stopped since it had started.

Their convoy was still parked in front of the building, their quick escape would have to do in the morning. There had been much debate about that, especially between Rick and Shane. But Rick had won in the end with a vote and the words that it was fast approaching night, they needed rest before they could embark on the long journey ahead of them.

Andrea doubted she was going to get rest anytime soon. She turned around to see the rest of the group. The closest to her were Carl and Sophia, both of whom had been pretending to sleep but were huddled together in their blankets.

She could hear snippets of their conversation, now she heard them in full.

‘I miss him,’ Sophia was whispering. ‘Mommy thinks I don’t, but I do.’

‘I know,’ Carl replied. His answer took Andrea aback. He sounded very adult when he said that. _Isn’t he only eight?_ ‘I missed my dad when he was in his coma. I thought he was never coming back.’

Andrea closed her eyes. _Of course, he’s already experienced things kids his age shouldn’t have to. God, when will this end?_ The thought caused her to look at Dale, who had not left Glenn’s side since they had got here. The anger and sense of betrayal boiled all over again. _He took my choice when he had no right to. No right at all. Just so he can keep on acting all Mother Theresa to everybody who needs his guidance._

The thought was unkind, and Andrea knew it. She covered her face with her hands and sighed. She continued to listen in to the kids’ conversation, unsure of what they would say and just desperately hoping they could distract her from her thoughts about the bleakness of their situation.

‘I promise I will protect you,’ Carl was whispering now.

‘You promise?’

‘Pinky promise.’ The thought caused Sophia to burst into a small giggle, but it was not long before both children drifted to sleep.

Andrea got up from her chair and crept over to Lori, who was sitting in one of the couches with a blanket huddled around her. ‘Hey,’ Andrea said. Lori greeted her own hellos as she scooted over to allow Andrea to sit next to her.

They were currently in one of the sittings rooms upstairs. They could vaguely hear the noises of the dead downstairs, not enough to distract them from sleep but none of the adults had managed to accomplish what used to be a simple act of lying back and closing your eyes. _When was the last time I slept? Was it the night before Amy died? I can’t even remember._

‘How are you doing?’ Lori asked. Her voice was gentle, delicate. Andrea knew she was walking on eggshells around her, everybody who talked to her since Amy had been that way. _They must think I’m a loose cannon waiting to blow. And that scene with Dale didn’t help either._

‘I’m fine,’ Andrea replied. ‘I just can’t wrap my head around these last couple of days. Everything has happened so fast. It feels like years ago when we were just at the camp.’

‘You got that right,’ Lori said. She indicated to Carl. ‘I heard them whispering from over here, but I couldn’t make out what they were saying. Did you hear?’

Andrea smiled. _How strange a smile feels now, when there’s hardly anything worth smiling about._ ‘Carl just promised Sophia he would protect her. It was really sweet.’

Lori smiled back. ‘Carl’s always been a sweet boy. I think he would have loved a little brother or sister, you know? Just to be the big sibling and protect them no matter what.’

Andrea’s smile faltered, and Lori’s eyes widened. ‘I’m so sorry, Andrea. I didn’t mean-‘ #

‘Don’t,’ Andrea raised her hand to cut her words short. ‘Don’t worry about it, really. I’m sure Carl will be a great big brother if you have another. You don’t have to watch yourself around me, Lori. What I’m going through is hard, and I wish like hell that I wasn’t going through but it is what it is. I understand life goes on, people need to understand that too.’

_Listen to me sprouting bullshit that I don’t even believe in. Life goes on, but not for Amy. Or Jacqui. She got to choose how she went out at least._

Lori nodded. ‘Okay, I won’t. You’re right.’ There was a silence between them, and Lori’s quick glance at Dale made Andrea wince inwardly. _Please for the love of god don’t bring him up._ But to Lori’s credit, she did not. It was none of her business and she seemed to acknowledge and respect that. _I don’t know if I could have handled her telling me to make up with him. I’ll do it on my own terms, and not before._

T-Dog approached the two of them then. ‘Hey, Andrea. Can Rick and I have a quick word with you? He’s out in the hall, I can take you to him.’

‘Sure,’ Andrea said. She said her goodbye to Lori and followed T-Dog out. They passed Dale and Glenn along the way. Glenn had drifted off to sleep, but Dale watched her with sad eyes.

Andrea looked down, and felt a pang of regret. _I’ve got to stop treating him like shit. He cares about me, that’s why he got me out of there in the first place._ But the presence of her anger and betrayal was too fresh, too raw for her to consider it.

She laid eyes on Rick in the hall and knew something was up almost straight away. From the way he seemed agitated, it was nothing at all like the calm and cool figure he posed to be during their escape from Atlanta despite being a fish out of water himself.

 _He gave me that necklace for Amy too._ That _had_ been a happy memory, tainted by the fact she never got to present the necklace for her in person. But seeing Rick in the way he was made her concerned for him, in a way she did not think she would have noticed if he had forbade her from collecting it.

‘What’s going on?’ She asked. T-Dog himself also looked out of sorts, eyes avoiding her. _Something is going on. Why ask me to come and not Shane or somebody else who could be useful in a fight._

She still had her gun, given to her by her father for her and Amy’s protection out in their journey. It was useless however held by her, for the simple fact she had no idea how to even remove the safety. The thought of her father possibly being alive and not knowing his youngest daughter’s fate was more than she could bare, so she pushed it to the side.

‘There’s something we need to tell you,’ Rick said. To his credit, he looked at her straight in the eye. Andrea found that she had been impressed by all the Grimes’ tonight in one way or another, but she also had a feeling what he was about to say next would not be something to her liking.

She was correct.

‘Daryl was the one who lured the walkers to the camp,’ Rick said. He did not take his eyes away from her. ‘Me, T-Dog and Glenn knew it when we saw he had abandoned his truck on the way over here. He caused the deaths at the camp, because we caused Merle’s death.’

The words should have been a blow to her gut. She should have felt something, anything about what he had just told her. She remembered Merle in his drunken rants, attracting all the walkers to their location and blocking off every exit possible. It seemed surreal to think that had happened just two to three days ago, when Amy was still alive and breathing. But she found the words had no effect.

‘Okay,’ she replied. ‘Thanks for telling me.’#

Rick frowned at her, a question seemed to want to escape from his lips. It did. ‘And you’re okay with that?’

Andrea looked at him in turn, then it clicked. _He blames himself for what happened at the camp. T-Dog too, and I bet that is why Glenn had that panic attack earlier on. They all blame themselves for something that bastard did._

This is when she felt the first sign of emotion about the news. It was a rage she had that burned bright, but it was not even in the same lane of anger she felt about Dale. That was a rage she felt she could get over in time, giving that Dale only had the best of intentions and did care about her.

She knew if she ever met Daryl Dixon again, she would shoot him on sight.

‘I’m not okay with it,’ she said through gritted teeth. ‘But thanks for telling me, Rick. I don’t think you should blame yourself. I know that is what you guys are doing. Everybody is responsible for their own actions, and quite frankly Merle Dixon had it coming. Daryl also has it coming. If I ever see him again, it is his end. You hear me? He had no right to take his anger out on people who had nothing to do with his fucking brother. If I ever see him again, he won’t be walking away alive.’

‘But how can you take this so calmly?’ T-Dog blurted out. ‘This has been eating me alive, I haven’t stopped thinking about it since it happened. It’s all my fault.’

‘No, it isn’t,’ she turned around and patted T-Dog on the shoulder. Somewhere deep in her mind told her she was parroting Dale. ‘Like I said, we’re responsible for our own decisions. I’m just as guilty as you are for leaving him on that rooftop, but I’m not going to feel sorry about it. He was a danger to us all. And we did not force that man to lead the walkers to our camp, the same walkers that killed my sister.’

Sighing, Andrea looked at the two men. T-Dog seemed to be still conflicted, but she could not read Rick from his gaze. He was not out of sorts as he had been, however. ‘I don’t think you should tell Morales,’ she said. Rick looked at her, a question burning in his eyes. She answered him before he asked it out loud. ‘This is eating all of you up, and you’ve got a family to look out for Rick. Morales has his kids too. He needs to focus on them. Only tell him when the time is right.’

And with that she walked away to see most of the group having drifted off to sleep. Shane was the only one still up, and he was looking out the same window she had been.

She thought of Daryl Dixon, and of the gun her father lent her. _I’ll need to ask Shane at some point to follow up on those shooting lessons if he is still willing_.

And with that she went and tried to steal some sleep for herself.

**Day 67**

The group were alert, ready to move. They packed what contents they had in their bags and were standing in a circle, Rick drilling out the plan. Shane took in his words, but he found his gaze kept drifting over to Lori. Feeling the scratches on his neck was enough to remind him of where they stood with one another however, and he threw his full attention back to Rick as hard as he could.

_What you did to her that other night? What kind of shit was that, Walsh? All those fucking rapists you would have loved to have gotten your hands on over the years, and you try the same shit with your own brother’s wife? The woman you love?_

It was the drink, he reasoned. He kept onto that reasoning and repeating it like a mantra. He was not in full control, he hadn’t been since Rick had shown up at camp and had unintentionally threw a spanner in the works to the relationship he had been building with Lori.

Even that thought filled him with shame. _And you keep on betraying Rick, too. Every thought you have about Lori, you stab him in the back. Let’s not even go there with what you two were doing before he came back._

Closing his eyes tightly, Shane willed Rick’s words to take over from his treacherous words. He needed the distraction, the escape from them. It was the only way to keep sane. They sounded like honey to the ears when he did hear them.

‘Like Shane has been saying, we’re going to Fort Benning,’ Rick said. Shane saw how in control he was, and he looked more a police officer than ever with his shaven face and uniform on in a way he had not with his beard. ‘We just get in the cars and go. It’s pretty much the only option still available to us unless somebody has any other location in mind.’

Nobody did. Rick nodded, as if that is what he expected. _Of course he does. He always got on better at this kind of thing than me._

It had not always been the case. Shane remembered Rick when he first met him, painfully shy and quick to withdraw from conversation. But overtime he had coaxed it out of Rick over the years, and when they had been training in the academy it was Rick who dealt well with interrogating people and finding out truths with the right words. Shane still got on well with the social scene, but for leading and inspiring people Rick was the star of the show.

_And why should he get to be this way with the group you gathered together, Shane? You’re the one who had Fort Benning plan from the jump. The CDC and this godforsaken retirement home had disaster written all over it, and they were. Now everybody’s acting like this was the grand plan all along, when we could have been halfway there already._

Shrugging the thoughts off as he if would swat at an annoying fly, Shane went to grab his bag and shotgun as the group filed out of the room one by one. Rick announced for them to wait in the hall, before he stood and waited for Shane to face him.

‘What is it, Rick?’ Shane asked. He was curious despite himself, and for one fleeting moment he wondered if Lori had told him what happened at the CDC.

_No, we wouldn’t be having a conversation if she did tell him. My teeth would be on the floor and he would be giving me what I gave to Ed._

‘I just wanted to talk to you about the CDC.’

_Shit, he knows?!_

Stuttering, Shane could not find a reasonable answer to give. He grabbed onto the first words that came into mind. ‘L-look, Rick, it-‘.

Rick interrupted him. ‘Just, let me talk Shane. I’m a bit worried about you. I know we haven’t had much chance to talk since I arrived at camp. It’s just been one thing after the other.’

 _Now this I wasn’t expecting. What is he going to talk to me about?_ He looked at Rick curiously, and noted there was no trace of anger he was displaying. _Not about Lori at all, but he does have a bee in his bonnet about something._

It shamed him then to think of how much fear he had about Rick battering him to a bloody mess if he ever found out the truth, when he knew that is exactly what he would have deserved. _My da always told me that to face my mess like a man._

‘It’s just I’m worried about you, Shane,’ Rick was saying now. Shane blinked _. Worried about me?_

‘What for?’ Shane asked.

Rick pushed on before he could stop, possibly hindered by some barrier in his head. ‘I’m worried you might go too far one day. What you did with Peletier and Jenner, there’s no denying they deserved it. But I feel there is something more to it man. You’re my brother, I’m just worried you are lashing out in some way and you might go too far one day.’

Shane blinked again. Now this was not what he had been expecting at all. ‘Don’t worry about me, man,’ Shane said. He let out a small chuckle. ‘You said it yourself, those arseholes deserved it. I just lost control of myself, but I always bounce back. That’s all.’

‘You sure?’ Rick asked.

Shane did not like the glint in Rick’s eye, as if he knew more about Shane than Shane knew about himself. _Where is this all coming from anyway? He gets to be leader of this group now he acts all high and mighty, while I was the one busting my arse saving them and his family when I thought he was dead?_

The thought stung. He did not truly believe the words he was thinking, but they were there all the same. He supposed it was the lack of sleep that was kicking his paranoia into overtime. _Just roll with it until you get out of here, then see where you stand._

‘I’m sure,’ Shane said, and Rick relaxed. That action made Shane resent him in a way he never thought would have been possible of him.

‘Good, man. Good. I just want you to know I’m not taking you for granted. You’ve done so much for me already, I don’t want to see you fall. I love you like a brother and that will never change.’

Shane nodded and let out another laugh. ‘You know I ain’t going to repeat that mushy shit, but the same goes for you Rick. Always.’

Rick smiled. ‘Right, let’s get to it then.’

And as Shane watched Rick step out of the door, he felt his mask drop. It perplexed him that he could love a man so much, and hate him just as much.

*

The walkers were still slamming their fists against the door to the main hallway, they could hear the noise from the entrance of the building.

 _Breathe._ T-Dog closed his eyes tightly, his hands held onto his gun. _Just fucking breathe, you’ve done this before._

‘Right, T-Dog. You aim your gun and you shoot at the first one that jumps in,’ Rick was saying now. ‘We can’t do anything about that many walkers outside, we can’t all just bolt out after that one is down. Shane will be at the side of the door, any that comes in he will blow away. You got that, Shane?’

‘Like a hawk,’ Shane replied. He reloaded the shotgun with a satisfying click. _I bet he did that for effect._

‘Right, that’s good. T-Dog, you just focus on shooting the ones that try to come in. Shane is just for backup if one comes in. If more than one manage to squeeze through, I’ll be helping you both take care of it. Glenn and Andrea are going to distract them by banging on the windows, and Morales is going to be on lookout to see if a big enough gap opens up for us all to make a break for the cars. Everybody got that.’

There was a chorus of yes, T-Dog’s voice amongst them. He understood the plan perfectly. But he couldn’t resist the idea that things would go wrong again someway, somewhere. _Get a fucking grip man. It’s not going to happen. Andrea’s right, and Rick too. Merle’s death was not your fault and Daryl killing those people weren’t your fault either. Jacqui made her choice too. Veronica, you’ll always feel guilty about her. But don’t add anymore baggage, you can’t afford to._

And for the first time in his life in a serious gesture in which he wouldn’t forget about it the moment he did it, he murmured a silent prayer to God to get the whole group through this plan they were about to follow through.

_I don’t know why I keep trusting this crazy cop to lead us out of these situations, but somehow he always gets the job done. So far. So please lord above, if there is such a thing as God, please get us out of here once again._

He thought of Jacqui then, how she had always been caught praying from time to time. Her eyes shut tight as she murmured words of appreciation and hoping for salvation. He wondered if she had got that salvation in the end. He hoped in his heart that she had.

‘You all ready? T-Dog?’ Rick was asking now.

T-Dog looked at the frightened faces of the children. Sophia held onto her mother’s hand tightly, Carl too with his own. Louis and Eliza were huddled together, but they were closer to Lori and Carol than they were with Morales. These were the first people to make a run for the convoy if a gap opened up.

 _I swear to you that if we all get out of this alive, I will devote myself to you._ 'I’m ready,’ T-Dog said, and he had never been more sure.

‘Go!’ Rick roared as he opened the door. Instantly Andrea and Glenn started hitting the windows with a fire poker stick and a lamp. Some of the walkers were fooled, but the one walker outside the door lurched forward. Clearly he had not been expecting the surface to give away as instantly as it had.

Shane was quicker than T-Dog figured he would have been. One moment that walker had fallen forward and all T-Dog saw was his hands reaching to get him, the next his head disappeared in a shower of blood and guts. The walker closest to that walker snarled at the gunshot, as if the sound offended his very ears and now he was determined to get at who made the noise.

T-Dog did not give him the chance. Aiming and pulling the trigger, another walker fell down to his permanent death.

The walker closest to him, a woman this time who looked to be in her eighties ( _maybe one of the former residents here_ ) was next in line for T-Dog to shoot. And so it went. There were more walkers outside than there had been the previous night. Rick had figured there to be thirty but standing in the line of fire like this made T-Dog fear it could easily be one hundred. But a rational part of him argued that could not be possible, the sounds of their moans would have been a lot worse if that was the case.

It disturbed him how calmly he thought about this as he kept firing his gun at his targets. Once, twice and three times did a walker manage to get in, and Shane would blow him away. So far they did not have to use Rick as backup, but it made T-Dog worry about the shells and bullets they had. He had to reload three times so far.

_How long can this keep up? Surely there is a gap opening up now._

It was as if there was a God up there, because Morales shouted right after that thought, ‘that’s us! There’s an opening!’

Almost immediately Lori was the first one to run out. On one hand she held Carl’s hand tightly, the other hand she held a gun Rick had given her. _Officer’s wife, it makes sense she would be able to handle herself with one._

Carol ran after her, and Sophia and Louis and Eliza were at her side. They were to go straight to the RV, with Dale behind them to get the RV moving. Rick, Glenn, Morales and Andrea were to go to Carol’s car, T-Dog and Shane were to take the latter’s Honda. It was a perfect plan in theory. Executing it would be another story.

With a deep breath, T-Dog waited until Andrea left the building before he went out. The RV was already setting off, he noticed with quick relief. But the walkers were already approaching from the streets, attracted to the noises that they had caused.

‘Shit, everybody get in their cars!’ T-Dog shouted. One walker left behind from his carnage of bullets made a jump for him. Before he could sink his teeth into his skin, Rick fired his gun and T-Dog felt the blood splatter across his face.

‘Follow your advice, man,’ Rick said with a tight smile before he raced towards his car going in. T-Dog saw that Andrea, Glenn and Morales were in their car, the ignition starting already starting. Taking his own advice, T-Dog ran towards his car. He turned around to where Shane had fallen behind, and to his horror he saw that Shane was fighting off a walker.

Carol’s car roared off as T-Dog fired his gun, saving Shane. _Shit, he’s got the keys. If he had died then…_

Not wanting to think about that, T-Dog roared. ‘C’mon man, we don’t have time for this!’

To T-Dog’s increasing horror, the walkers on the street were near them now. He aimed his pistol and fired the last bullet he had left. To his shame, he did not even hit his target.

Shane ran to the car then, but by this point it was too late. The walkers had completely blocked them off from the entrance to the street, and now there was no chance they could have gotten into the Honda without being trapped inside the car. He did not even know if they could drive through them all without getting stuck.

‘Shit, what do we do!’ T-Dog shouted. He turned around to his left and saw the chain fence. _It’s tall, but we could climb it._ Grabbing onto Shane, T-Dog pointed to the fence. ‘C’mon, we can get the fuck out of here.’

‘Let’s go,’ Shane huffed. The two men rushed to the fence, and T-Dog quickly jumped up. He was thankful beyond words that he caught his grip as he climbed, it would have just been like him to slip and fallen on his behind just as the walkers approached the fence. Shane was right beside him, and the two men got over the fence as the walkers swarmed around the fences, their hands reaching out to grab at the men.

 _Lucky we’re out of reach._ But it was not a sure thing. T-Dog did not like the way the fence rattled and shook as the walkers swarmed the courtyard and pushed against the only barrier between them.

T-Dog heard a hiss, and he turned around to see a walker grapple onto Shane. He went for his gun, only to curse when he remembered he was out of bullets. _Fuck, here goes nothing._

As Shane struggled to fight off the walker, T-Dog grabbed onto the back of the walker’s shirt. The walker angled his head viciously, determined to get a bite of his new opponent. It was all the effort in the world that that did not happen. T-Dog saw those yellow teeth attempt to sink themselves into his skin, but he held on.

‘Shane, kill it! Hurry!’ Shane did not hesitate. Picking up the shotgun from the ground, Shane went as close as he could to the walker before pulling the trigger. Once again, a shower of blood erupted from a shot that close and once again T-Dog found himself more bloodier than ever. _Thank fuck we’re still alive. Holy fucking god, how are we even still alive._

As if to taunt him, he heard a horrible wheezing noise. T-Dog turned to see that the fence was giving in due to the pressure, the walkers were pushing the fence down. Before T-Dog could react, Shane grabbed T-Dog’s shirt and pulled him down the small alleyway they were in to the streets of Atlanta just as the fence collapsed.

The walkers poured into the alleyway like a never-ending tsunami, but T-Dog did not turn his head to look back. All he could he see was that they were blocked off from both sides of the street, walkers in every different direction now. All of their hands lurched forward, all of their eyes focused on them. 

_At least the kids got out. That’s the main thing._

Shane let out a roar, and he fired some shells. T-Dog could only raise his arms and pose in a fighting stance, knowing that bare skin would be no use to the villainous teeth that would sink into his skin. _Maybe cause you’ve converted to faith so late, there’s a chance you could see Veronica again?_

Shane threw his shotgun away as he ran out of shells, and he slammed his fist against the concrete. T-Dog could only watched in awed fascination as Shane raised his hand to show a bloody mess.

_This man’s got some issues, that is for sure._

There was a loud horn going off in the distance. T-Dog looked up, and he could see a slight blur far away. That blur transformed into the sight of a familiar RV, its driver honking the horn to attract the attention of the walkers. It only worked on those further away from T-Dog and Shane, those closest to them were the ones who kept their eyes on the people they saw nothing more than a meal to satisfy their never ending hunger.

‘Fuck, Shane. We’re saved,’ T-Dog could barely recognize his voice. Grabbing onto Shane’s shirt, he forced the man to run with him as the RV neared. They ducked and swerved to avoid the hands and claws reaching out at them.

The side of the RV was open, and Rick was leaning out. Not even thinking to question why Rick was in the RV and not in Carol’s car, T-Dog said a silent prayer to the lord that they had been saved.

‘Get down!’ Rick shouted. The RV braked with a violent stop, but that did not stop Rick aiming with perfect precision and shooting the walker that was inches away behind T-Dog and Shane.

Feeling more blood on him once again, T-Dog pushed himself up and with Shane jumped into the RV. Rick quickly slammed the door shut, and Dale put the pedal to the medal and the RV took a turn before driving away from the street of the doomed vatos.

Panting for breath, T-Dog took a moment to reflect on Miguel and all the rest that had perished in the building. _That was almost us._ He started laughing, he couldn’t help it.

Other than his laughter, the RV was a stony silence. Shane sat against one of the walls, looking at Rick.

‘Good of you to come for us,’ Shane said. T-Dog continued to laugh. If anything, the utter seriousness Shane had said his words made him laugh even harder than he had been.

‘No man left behind,’ Rick replied. T-Dog felt he could have kissed the man.

The RV continued on its destination, away from the city of the dead. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, that's the end of the Atlanta arc. I never dreamed I would make it as far as the camp attack, never mind the end of the Atlanta story. So here's hoping I can cover the farm storyline! In all seriousness I cannot wait until I get to the prison storyline, a lot of stuff I've got planned for that story that should hopefully surprise people. 
> 
> The group revisiting the vatos' hideout is of course based on the deleted footage of S2, as part of the scrapped premiere Darabont had made before AMC made the unwise decision to fire him. There is no saved deleted scene of Shane being left behind to fend against zombies, but if you watch the S2 trailer there is footage of that too. So this is where the inspiration of this chapter came for with me. Including T-Dog with Shane and their different reactions to Rick will be a driving point. 
> 
> In my original outline, Miranda was actually meant to live up until this point before getting killed. I changed it as I was writing as I wanted to show more consequences of Daryl's actions. She would have gotten a death similar to Donna in the comics, taken by surprise in a place they thought empty with walkers. But I think I like how things turned out instead. 
> 
> As always, hope you all enjoyed the chapter and yes, I have changed the title and removed this from a series. It's all going to be in one long story.


	9. Day 67 - Night 67

They had stopped the RV to gather their breath.

Rick took a sip of water, looking over at Shane. He hadn’t looked him in the eye since their rescue. _Did he think I was going to leave him behind?_ Shaking his head at the idea and how ridiculous it sounded in his head, Rick leaned back into the RV and continued to drink. It had been a long day, and the cool water was refreshing in the heat.

Lori approached him, and he offered her the bottle. She accepted it gratefully and took her own sip.

‘You ready for this?’ He asked her. Lori motioned for him to wait a second as she drunk her water. Once she was done, she spoke up. ‘I don’t know, Rick. It’s going to be a long journey.’

‘It is,’ Rick answered. He saw no need to hide the truth from her, not after the CDC. _I’ll need to address that. Not let this blister on like I have with Shane._ She looked at him, and he knew from her reaction that she was thinking what he was.

‘I’m sorry I didn’t tell you,’ he replied. ‘I really am. This is going to be hard work, I know. I really thought we would just be able to pick up as if we were a perfect couple, but I now know that was foolish.’

Lori shook her head. ‘It’s fine, honestly. I was just shaken after the CDC exploded. Something like that is huge though, you should tell us next time. I think it’s a bad idea to keep stuff like that from the others, they might question you.’

‘That is fair,’ Rick said. He waited a moment, before nodding up at the city. Currently they were on the highway, the RV and Carol’s car stopped briefly on the road to enter the city, not the road to leave which was chocked full to the brim with abandoned cars, trucks and buses. ‘I know you’re thinking of them.’

Lori tried to avoid his gaze, but he gently grabbed her to let her look at him. ‘It’s not easy. You can cry if you want to.’

Lori shook her head. ‘No, I’ve done enough crying to last a lifetime, Rick. My parents are gone, I’m never going to see them again. I knew that when the bombs dropped.’

Even from here Rick could see the impact the bombs had done to the city of Atlanta, the skyscrapers bearing the brunt of the damage. It was still a sight that shocked him really, and they would be leaving it all behind to search for sanctuary. _I wonder if Morgan will try to come here._

He had not thought of Morgan much since he arrived at the city, but now his thoughts drifted to the man who had helped him so much when he had first awakened from the coma. If not for Morgan and his son, Rick had his doubts that he would even be here with his family.

‘Well, I’m always here for you if you need me. You know that?’

Lori nodded. She seemed to hesitate, Rick thought she was about to say something before she decided not to. ‘What is it?’

Lori shook her head. ‘It’s nothing. Just, I love you Rick.’ Her eyes were gleaming with tears. ‘I’ve always loved you, even if I didn’t show it really well before all this.’

‘C’mon here,’ Rick whispered and he embraced his wife, giving her a kiss on the forehead. ‘I’ve always loved you too, and I won’t ever stop.’ He saw Shane then, who quickly averted his eyes once realizing he had been caught staring. _There’s something going on with him. I need to figure it out._

Sighing when he let go of Lori, he excused himself and approached Dale. ‘We got enough gas to last us for a while?’

Dale nodded. ‘A couple of days at least. You ready to hit the road?’

Rick thought about it. _When will we ever be ready?_ He did not imagine that he would be having this conversation in the interstate, yet here he was. The sound of the walkers droned like the ocean in the city behind them. It was faint, but you could hear it if you knew what you were looking for. ‘Yeah, I am. I’ll check the others first, but we will be out of here soon enough.’

He approached the other survivors, and indeed they were all more than willing to leave. He saw Glenn kicking a rock, his eyes downward and not paying attention at all to his surroundings. It is why he gave a start when Rick interrupted him.

‘Jesus, Rick,’ Glenn puffed. He had his hand held to his chest, as if he expected to be overcome with a heart attack. ‘You’ve took at least ten years of my life away.’

Rick smiled slightly. ‘Sorry about that. I just wanted to ask you if you are ready to go?’

Glenn hesitated, before nodding. ‘Yeah, I am. I want to get as far away from that city as possible. It’s not home for me, not anymore.’ _He really took Guillermo and his group’s deaths hard._ Rick looked at Glenn, and felt a surge of pity towards the young man. ‘It’s not your fault, you know,’ Rick said. Glenn looked up at him, and he shook his head slightly.

‘Thanks for trying to cheer me up man, but I can’t stop thinking about it.’

‘No, I know you can’t,’ Rick said softly. ‘I can’t either. But we don’t know if it was Daryl who shot the place up. And I don’t know if Andrea or T-Dog told you, but Andrea herself doesn’t hold us to blame for the camp either.’

‘She doesn’t?’

‘No,’ Rick said. ‘I’ve been struggling with it, but what she said last night is true. Daryl choose to act out the way he did. And Merle was a danger to us all. Who knows how else it could have turned out if Merle lived, but I do know he could have killed us all with his actions.

’ Glenn paused, looking for the right words before nodding. ‘I guess what you’re saying makes sense. But I won’t forget about her, Rick.’

‘Who?’ Rick asked. His first thoughts flashed to Amy, a girl he hadn’t had much chance to know. He did know word around camp was that Glenn liked Amy however.

‘Holly,’ Glenn answered. ‘She was a nice old lady at the old folks home. She treated me nicely when I was there.’

‘Oh. I bet.’

‘Yeah. And she told me to take my chance with Amy, tell her how I really felt. But you know,’ Glenn trailed off. A silence settled between them, one that threatened to be awkward. Rick did not let it. ‘She sounded like a wise woman. And a word of advice, Glenn. You’ll remember Amy and Holly both, but you still have your life ahead of you. This is a shitty situation we’re in the now, but we will get through it and we will be able to find happiness again. Mark my words.’

Glenn laughed slightly. ‘You sound like Dale, you know that?’

Rick shrugged. ‘I try.’ _It’s the least I can do, Glenn. You helped me find my family, I’ll help you with this._

‘Right, I guess I better go then,’ Glenn said. Rick nodded. ‘I guess we better.’

Rick saw that they were the last two of the group outside, the rest were either cramped into Dale’s RV or Carol’s car. Seeing that Lori and Carl were in Carol’s car as usual, Rick made his decision to go there.

‘I’ll see you soon, Glenn.’

‘Yup, see you Rick.’

As Rick passed the RV, he saw in the window Shane was concentrating on reading a magazine. Sensing that somebody was looking at him, Shane put the magazine down slightly to see Rick.

Rick tipped his hat at him.

Shane raised the magazine to cover his face.

*

_This RV is starting to stink._

Andrea screwed her face up at the stench. It was a mixture of the heat and body odor, never a pleasant smell. Far too many people were crowded in the vehicle, Morales was holding onto the railing as there was no suitable seats for him. Opposite of Andrea was Shane, who had his face buried in a magazine. The RV had mostly been silent since they had left Atlanta behind for the dead and for time to neglect the city that was once filled with life, now little more than a monument to a time long gone.

‘I didn’t know you were into bikes,’ Andrea said.

Shane snorted, not taking his eyes away. ‘Well, not my fault the old man had such poor reading value.’

‘I resent that,’ Dale had heard Shane loud and clear. Shane rolled his eyes, and Andrea felt the urge to giggle. She resisted, and thoughts of Amy did a efficient job of making that successful.

_Look at me, acting like a school girl when she’s six feet under. Weren’t you the one who wanted to be with her, out of this godforsaken nightmare? You have a cheek to be angry at Dale if you can feel happy to laugh at his jokes._

She sighed, and rummaged through her bag. She found the gun almost instantly, and placed it on the table.

Shane put the magazine down then. ‘I was wondering when you were going to ask me?’

‘Ask you what?’

‘Shooting lessons,’ Shane said. He looked at her. ‘You do remember you asking me for them, right?’

Andrea nodded. ‘I was actually thinking about it last night, but we had too much on our plates. I didn’t want to bother you.’

‘Right. Let’s see it,’ Shane grabbed onto the gun and examined it. ‘You said your father gave this to you, right?’

Andrea nodded and leaned in closer. ‘Yeah, he gave it to me to protect Amy and myself. He meant well. The only problem is, I have no idea how to even work it. I don’t even know how to put the safety off.’

Shane chuckled slightly. ‘Yeah, you want to know how to do that straight away. Here, I’ll show you how to put it off and on, how to reload safely. Stuff like that.’

‘I appreciate that,’ Andrea smiled. _He’s not so bad, even if he did seem to be tethering on the edge the last couple of days._

They were out in the country now, passing fields and trees and wildlife. They also passed abandoned cars, a couple of stragglers and decomposed bodies, presumably fully dead. But Andrea paid it no mind, rather she was focused on watching Shane show her how to use a gun properly.

‘Once we’re somewhere safe,’ Shane said, ‘I’ll take you out for target practice. For now though, you figure you can put this back together again?’

Andrea nodded. ‘Yeah, I’ll try.’

‘Shit,’ Dale cursed. Morales instantly said, ‘language,’ and Dale apologized almost instantly. Andrea turned around to see what had caused Dale’s frustration, and it did not take more than a second to figure it out. Ahead of the RV was a car pileup, but that seemed to be the understatement of the century to her.

Multiple cars and trucks had all crashed into one another on both sides of the road. To their right was a forest, and to the left was blocked completely by the wrecked cars.

Shane whistled softly. ‘The panic really drove everybody stupid, huh?’

Andrea looked at him. ‘Don’t be so insensitive. We don’t know what happened with this.’

Shrugging, Shane said, ‘sure we do. It happened in Atlanta too, it’s why me, Lori and Carl couldn’t get into the city in the first place. So many people trying to get to the one place at the same time, accidents are bound to happen.’

‘Well, this is the biggest car accident I’ve ever seen,’ Dale said from the front. ‘It’s going to take ages to push the cars to get the RV through.’

‘Can’t we just drive past the cars in the forest?’ Morales asked.

‘No can do. There is a steep hill, see it? It's too much of a risk for the RV,’ Dale replied. ‘I’m going to stop and talk to Rick, see what he has to say about it.’

Andrea saw Shane’s face darken, and she frowned slightly. _Yeah, there is something eating him up. And it’s got to do with Rick. Has to be_.

She had not been a civil rights lawyer for nothing.

*

Lori played with her wedding ring as she sat in the car, seeing the pileup from ahead and the RV slowly to a stop. Rick put his foot on the brake, and their own car slowed to a stop too.

‘C’mon, Carl. Let’s see what is up,’ Lori said as she opened the door. Her son yawned, and she ruffled his hair as they got out of the car. Carol did too from the other side, while Rick and T-Dog got out of the front. The rest of the group poured out of the RV, all of them standing in front of the pileup.

It was a grotesque sight. Seeing cars upturned, twisted metal and smashed windows made the reality of their world all too real. Looking at one car close-by (Lori could not guess the make; she had never been good with car models) gave her a shiver though. A driver was sitting head face down the wheel, the airbag never saved him from bursting his head open from the wheel.

_That car he probably worked hard and saved for is his tomb._

Lori folded her arms in effort to keep warm. Despite the heat, it was cold.

‘So what do you want us to do, Rick?’ Dale was asking now. ‘I don’t think it’s wise to drive past, the hill is too steep for that.’

‘No, you’re right,’ Rick said. ‘We can’t risk having the RV go down the hill. We’ll need to try and push some cars, clear up some space. Hopefully they should still have keys and gas in them, if that is the case then it won’t be hard to push them out of the way.’

‘Even if they don’t, remember I can hotwire them,’ Glenn piped up.

‘Glenn, I didn’t know you were a thief!’ Carl shot out.

‘Carl!’ Lori said. She felt mortified. ‘Glenn, I’m so sorry.’

Glenn laughed, and even Rick shared a chuckle. Lori glared at the latter, if only for a moment as Glenn said, ‘don’t worry about it, really. It’s something Rick already knows.’

‘We should check to see if the cars have anything useful on them,’ Shane said now. Lori looked at him, and felt a revulsion go through her. _How could I have let him into my life the way I did? What the hell was I thinking?_

She chanced a glance at Rick, who was agreeing with Shane. ‘You’re right, man. This won’t just be a small bump in the road, we can take advantage of this.’

It was too much for Lori. Thinking of the body in his car, and Rick agreeing with the man who had tried to rape her. _And you were angry at him for not telling you about the infection back at the CDC? You’re a joke, Lori. Always have been._

‘This is a graveyard,’ Lori blurted out. The words sounded crazy, she could tell with the way people were looking at her. But she could not let Shane get his way again, not after the way he had lied and manipulated into her life. And the body in the car, and just the general state of all the cars and trucks that had crashed into one another. _They’re just going to lay there forever, gathering dust and rust until the end of time. Until there is nobody left to even think of what these things were used for._

Sensing a possible panic attack, Lori finished her track of thoughts with a simple, ‘I don’t know how I feel about this,’ before turning away and going back to the car. She raised her hands against the car, using the surface to support herself from collapsing.

There were murmurs, but she knew the group were getting set to do their looting and pushing obstacles out of the way. She did not care to look.

Rick approached her all the same. ‘You okay?’ He asked her. _God, I never deserved you Rick. I didn’t deserve you at all._

‘I’m fine,’ Lori breathed deeply before turning around to face her husband. ‘Really. It’s just the car wreck upsets me. Brings back memories of trying to get to Atlanta.’

Rick nodded. ‘Listen, I think I’m going to have a talk with Shane when I get the chance. I think he is mad at me for something.’

‘Why?’ She asked with a blunt edge to her question. It had nothing to do with Shane being possibly mad at Rick over something ( _why should he be mad about Rick when Rick should be mad at him for trying to rape me_ ) and everything to do with Rick wanting to talk with Shane.

Rick shrugged his shoulders. ‘I guess I just get that feeling. I had a talk with him at the retirement home, but I could see why he thought we left him and T-Dog behind at first.’

‘You didn’t though, you went back for him. You even jumped into the RV to go back for him,’ Lori pointed out. ‘He shouldn’t be mad at you for saving his life. That doesn’t make sense.’

Rick sighed. ‘I know, but something doesn’t feel right.’

‘Hey, Rick,’ Dale called out. He was standing on top of the rooftop with a rifle. ‘Okay if I take watch from here, I’m too old to do any pushing.’

‘Good idea, Dale!’ Rick called back.

Lori sighed. ‘Listen, Rick. I should go with Carol and the kids, look at some of these cars. I don’t like it but I know it’s necessary. You talk to Shane if you need to, but you owe him no apologies. Just remember that.’

And after a kiss on the cheek she approached Carol. Carl was actively engaging with Louis for a change, Lori noted. Eliza and Sophia were conversing about something in whispers that weren’t quite whispers, but she could not make heads or tails regarding the conversation. Carol seemed grateful that another adult had joined her.

‘You ready to check these cars out?’ Lori looked ahead and saw that Morales, Shane and T-Dog pushing the front of a car away as Glenn quickly got out of the car, the engine still on as the car rolled down the hill and bumped into a tree. _Forever lost to the greenery of the forest._

Lori nodded. ‘Yeah, let’s get to it.’

*

It was not quite dark yet, but Morales could tell that it would be soon enough judging by the orange hues of the sun.

‘Almost dark,’ he said. He was currently drenched in sweat as a result of pushing cars. They had so far successfully pushed away six cars so far. Only two of them had to be pushed down the hill, and luckily none of them had any alarms that were set off. Judging by the wreckage, they weren’t even near halfway done yet.

‘I don’t really want to still be here by dark, you hear me?’ T-Dog said. ‘Bad enough dealing with the freaks in the day, never mind in the night.’

Morales recalled all too well the night his wife died, and did not disagree in the slightest. Sighing, he turned around to see his children. He felt almost frozen when he did not see them at first, until he did in the distance. They were with Lori and Carol and the other kids, checking out the cars by peaking through the dirty windows before slowly opening the doors.

It hurt Morales’ heart to see some bodies in the car, and knowing that Louis and Eliza had seen them too. _Miranda, I keep failing them and I don’t know what to do. You would._

‘You okay, man?’ T-Dog asked him. Morales blinked then nodded. ‘Yeah, sorry. I was just lost in thought there.’

‘Don’t worry about it,’ T-Dog replied. ‘I get it completely.’

Shane and Glenn walked up to the pair of them. Shane was shaking his head. ‘Hate to say it guys, but I think we need to pack it in. We could keep pushing the cars if we wanted to, but I don’t know. It’s not worth the effort to do that when we can barely see, you know? Better we all pack into the RV for the night and wait until morning when we can. It’ll give us time to prepare too.’

Morales felt like sighing, but he had done enough of that recently. ‘I’ll tell the others.’

And so he walked off to approach Lori and Carol.

T-Dog was right behind him. ‘Listen, Morales. I just wanted to say if you want help with the kids in anyway, just come and ask me, okay?’

Morales looked at the man before him curiously. _I didn’t know he cared so much to do that._ ‘Thanks, I guess,’ was his answer. ‘I have to be honest, Carol and Lori have been a big help with me so far. I don’t know what I would do without them.’

T-Dog agreed. ‘They are good women, that’s for sure. Listen, I’m not just saying this to try and make you feel better either. I really do want to look out for the kids. After what I survived these past couple of days, between that goddamn CDC and the retirement home; I want to see them kids make it. They need to make it. There’s too much death all around us and I just want to see them safe, you know?’

Morales stopped briefly, which forced T-Dog to stop beside him too.

‘Where is all this coming from?’ He asked. _It’s a bit much, even though I appreciate it. I really do._

‘Don’t get me wrong, I believe you. But why today of all days have you made this vow?’

T-Dog shrugged. ‘I guess I found god, man.’

Morales gaped at him before closing his mouth. _Don’t want to catch flies, as Miranda would say._

‘Man, Jacqui wouldn’t believe it.’

The mention of her name should have drawn a dark cloud between them, but T-Dog continued on as if the name didn’t cut like a sharp knife. ‘Yeah, she would have kittens. But I’m being serious. Everything I survived so far, there has to be a reason for that.’

_I wish I could share your thoughts, man. Really, I do._

Instead, he replied, ‘Well, good for you T-Dog. I mean it.’

‘Thanks pal.’

*

Dale stood on top of the RV, frowning silently as he looked through with his binoculars to examine how far the car pileup stretched to. From his estimation, there must have been at least fifty cars and trucks that had all collided into one another and formed an unseeming barrier.

_No way we can get through this in one night._

Sighing, Dale put the binoculars down. He saw Rick walking on the road with a rifle in hand, and he happened to look up and catch his gaze.

‘You doing alright, son?’ Dale asked.

Rick hesitated, taking one look at the men who had been moving some of the cars. Morales and T-Dog had broken off to go to the women, while Glenn and Shane were examining some of the cars they thought Lori and Carol had chanced over. It was only then did he turn back and answered. ‘I’m doing fine. You?’

 _I don’t even know how to answer that question myself._ He thought of the woman down below and inside the RV, retreating into the vehicle in order to concentrate on piecing her gun together and he winced. _I’ve really fucked it up with her. But at least she is alive and mad at me than dead and gone._

‘Never better,’ he replied instead. ‘I was just thinking we probably won’t be able to move all of this in one day, and it’s going to be night soon.’

‘I hear you,’ Rick said. ‘I’m going to talk it over with Shane and T-Dog, but I think we’ll just stay the night. Push a couple of cars behind the RV to act as barrier in case one of those things stumble across us.’

Dale did not like the idea of spending the night here on a highway that stank of gasoline, decay and death but he knew he had little option. _Lori is right about this being a graveyard._

‘Speaking of the walkers, you seen any?’ Rick asked. Dale shook his head. ‘Nah, I’ll let you know straight away if I do. You can count on it.’

‘Right, well I’m going to go over there now,’ and Rick walked over to the other men. Dale pressed the binoculars to his eyes once again, this time looking at the direction from where they had come from.

So far there had been nothing, a fact which he was grateful for.

 _I'm_ going _to need to talk to Andrea. We’ve been through too much, I care too much about that girl to let us fall apart like this. I just hope she is able to listen to me._

But Andrea was not the only person occupying his mind. What T-Dog had said the other day had cut to the bone and left his guilt exposed. _You didn’t try harder with Jacqui._

He remembered Jacqui as she had been, always quick with her tongue and possessing a high amount of intelligence; something which she was not afraid to show to others no matter how intimidated they might get. She had also been deeply religious and was never shy from helping others when they needed the help. After all, she had helped him with Jim when he was suffering from his mental break.

Dale removed the binoculars and rubbed his eyes in frustration. _Jim. Jacqui. Amy. When does it end? How can I preach to Glenn that he can move on when I cannot even move on from my own ghosts?_

He put his hands in his pockets to take out his wallet. His hands gripped at the screwdriver and a couple of pens he had placed inside in his pocket before they caught the leather, and he pulled out the wallet to look at the picture of his late wife.

Irma.

She had been in her fifties when this picture had been taken. Honey blonde hair and lively eyes always filled with joy. The sight never failed to provoke a smile from Dale, and he smiled now as he looked at her and examined every wrinkle, every beauty she had possessed. It had been taken two years before they found out she had cancer, and terminal cancer at that.

Sighing, Dale placed the photo back in his pocket and went back to sightseeing. _Irma is my first ghost. If I can’t move on from her, how can I expect to move on from all the others._

It troubled him to think about it, but what he saw in the distance was enough to chase away thoughts of ghosts. A lone walker was stumbling forward, his head arched back but never lost in his track on always going forward.

‘Rick,’ Dale hissed. ‘Rick!’

Rick hadn’t been far away, and Dale saw him turn around with his rifle. Aiming and looking through the scope, Dale knew he had seen what he had saw. _I don’t think it’s a good idea if he fires that, especially if we are going to stay the night here._

Before he could tell Rick his thoughts, what he saw next with his binoculars was enough to take his breath away. Another walker joined the walker, then another. They had been blocked by the sight of trucks, but now he saw a whole crowd of walkers approaching. 

And they were never ending. 

‘Get down,’ Rick hissed at Dale before running the other direction away from the unending swarm of walkers, presumably to warn the others.

Dale got down and felt fear take over his heart. _There must be hundreds of them._

The walkers marched on as if they were a parade. None of them were in harmony with one another, bumping into one another but that did not stop their determination in going forward. They were like a wave in the ocean in that way, nothing would stop them from swallowing whatever was in their way. And he never felt so exposed, lying the way he was on top of the RV roof. One chance look and they would be surrounding the RV, determined to get at him.

It was with a jolt that he remembered Andrea was down below inside the RV.

*

Andrea sighed and brushed a strand of hair to the side as she concentrated on putting her gun together. It had looked so easy when Shane was doing it, but she knew that watching the process and doing the process was a completely different thing.

_C’mon Andrea, since when did you give up at the first sign of a little challenge?_

She never had. As she loaded the gun, she remembered those fishing trips her father had taken her on. It had been a fierce competition between the two of them to see how many fish they could collect. The winner got to choose where they got to eat that night. And this had been when she was a little girl. _He was never easy on me. Not hard either, but he always pushed me to be my best._

Blinking back tears, Andrea threw her hands up in the air as she realized her gun wasn’t quite right. She had thought she would have been able to do it without assistance, but it seemed like she needed Shane’s help after all. _Amy wouldn’t recognize me like this at all._

Burying her head in her hands, Andrea wept. She made no sound however, for she did not want to alert anybody to the fact she was crying. _It would be embarrassing if somebody came in on me like this_.

There had been a hole where her heart had once been. She did not know how she could get that heart back, but she knew whatever fire she once had now was extinguished in the name of grief and loss. _And a lost chance to get out of this nightmare._

Once she was sure she had no tears left to cry, Andrea moved her hands from her face. She felt relieved that she had cried, but a chance look out the window turned that relief into sheer terror.

The walkers were moving past the RV. Hundreds of them. All of them in their tattered clothing, be it jeans, trousers, joggers, shirts, jumpers, jackets or suits, were stumbling forward in their never ending journey. _Oh fucking shit._

Andrea quickly dived down to the floor. She realized her gun was on the table, and that she would need to get back up to get it. _But they could see me getting it. And besides Andrea, it’s not even put together. And what are you going to do if it was, shoot one and have the whole lot of them pile in here like it’s Disney Land?_

Andrea knew the answer though. The gun was an end to the nightmare, a solution to a problem she had since losing Amy. _One bullet, and it’s all over. Better that than getting ripped apart limb by limb._

Her mind made up, Andrea dived up to the table and grabbed onto the contents of the gun before throwing herself back down. She looked around the interior of the RV, and saw the door to the toilet was slightly open. Crawling forward with the gun in hand, Andrea heard a slight thump and turned around. Her eyes widened as she saw one of the walkers slowly but surely getting in.

_Why? Oh god, more will be in after him._

It was the panic that drove her to the toilet, and as quietly as she could she pressed the door shut and clicked on the lock to prevent somebody from just walking in. _And I don’t think they can even open doors._

It was not a chance she was willing to take, however. Andrea breathed, and she winced to think it might have been loud enough for the walker to hear. All she could hear was the walker move around the RV, as if he had known something wasn’t quite right about this vehicle and had wandered in to investigate.

_Where are the others? Why didn’t Dale warn me?_

Shaking her head in fury, Andrea examined the gun in hand as she sat on the toilet seat. _One bullet, and it would all be over._ She just needed to put the gun together and do it.

Andrea heard the thump of the walker’s footsteps across the RV, and she paused in anticipation. She half expected the door to open at any minute, even with the lock in place. _If he gets in here, there’s nothing I can do._

The thought brought her to Amy on the night she had died. She had went to the toilet before getting attacked and killed. The irony that Andrea was now in the toilet room herself, preparing for the possibility of getting killed one way or another was not lost on her.

Moments passed, then minutes. She heard the thumps again, but this time they were distant from the toilet room. _He must have joined back up with the others._

Andrea sighed and let out a light chuckle. It was hard not to laugh, knowing how close she had come in getting killed.

The door immediately slammed. If not for the lock, the walker would have pushed his way in and caught her. Andrea let out a shriek despite herself, and she dropped the gun on the floor. She did not think about the gun however, her hands were pressed against the door to keep the door from pushing in. This act of resistance seemed to egg the walker on however, as he kept slamming his fists against the door.

_So fucking stupid, Andrea. You stupid cow. Holy fucking god._

Andrea kept her hands pressed against the door. She feared that the pressure of the walker on the other side was going to cave the door down.

The walker kept slamming his hands on the door however. The sound was deafening in the small room. She wondered if that noise might be attracting more of the walkers from outside and into the RV, her worst nightmare come to life.

 _I’m going to die in this stupid RV. Oh my god._ Andrea kept the pressure on the door, and looked up. There was a small hole on the roof, designed to let the smell out. That would have been the only way she could have gotten out, if she was the size of an ant. Dale’s face pressed against the hole suddenly, and Andrea felt tear and rage merge into one.

_I’m going to get torn apart, when I could have died peacefully back at the CDC. Why the fuck did I listen to him?_

Andrea cursed as she felt the door buckle. Drawing her attention away from Dale, she kept her hands pressed on the door but saw that it was hanging off its hinges. Andrea felt her hands grow tired, but she knew the walker would not give up and would always continue to be restless in his determination to get at her.

In this game of tug the war rope, Andrea knew that she was going to lose. Sooner or later.

‘Here,’ she heard Dale say. She turned around, and saw in his face that he was frightened for her. But he held something, and he was pushing it through the hole. The item fell to the floor with a clatter. Keeping her hands pressed against the door, Andrea turned to look at the item.

It was a screwdriver.

_I’m going to need to let this fucker move forward._

The thought made her grimace, but she knew she had no other choice. Hands still pressed against the door, Andrea reached out with her foot to get the screwdriver. She missed the small weapon (for that is what it was now) at first, but her second attempt got the screwdriver and she kicked it over so it could be within reach.

With a deep breath, Andrea counted a moment before letting the door go and instantly snatched the screwdriver. The walker snarled, hunger in his eyes as the door came crashing down.

Andrea fell down with the door, the door being the only barrier between her skin and the walker’s teeth. Despite the weight, Andrea pushed the door.

‘C’mon, c’mon,’ she found herself urging herself on. _Just like at the gym, it’s just like the gym._ Her words not comfort her in the slightest, but it is what she urged herself at gym sessions. And she managed to get the door slightly upward even with the walker trying to press it downward in his mad attempt to get at her.

Andrea rolled to the side, and the door came crashing down onto the floor. The walker went down with it. There was only the screwdriver in her hand as Andrea let out a scream, a scream of desperation, fear, rage and a mixture of all three as she aimed the screwdriver at the monster’s eye and she pushed the weapon against it.

Blood spluttered out of the walker, but that did not stop Andrea. A mad frenzy took over her then, and she kept stabbing the small object into the walker’s eye again and again.

The walker went still, no life left in his body if there ever had been one.

Andrea kept on stabbing, feeling the blood splatter all over her. It was only tiredness that made her finally stop, and she pushed herself from the floor to stand up.

_Where the hell was I?_

She had blacked out in her stabbing, and now she was standing in the restroom covered top to bottom in blood as she held onto the wall for support. She had expected there to be more walkers to come pouring in, and she knew a screwdriver was not going to stop them all.

But a quick look out into the hall told her that none outside had heard the commotion that had went on in the RV.

Andrea sighed and looked up at Dale, whose eyes were widened as he took in the sight of her.

*

Sophia pressed herself against the concrete ground and closed her eyes and counted backwards from a hundred to one.

This had been a method she knew well for whenever her da had gotten angry with her mom, and she had huddled beneath her bed covers in fright.

_One hundred. Ninety-nine. Ninety-eight…_

She opened her eyes as she got to one, and the walkers were still moving. She could only see their legs and feet, which wouldn’t have been as bad if she had to look at their sunken faces and terrifying eyes.

She was currently huddled underneath a truck. To her right was the forest, and that did ease her panic somewhat. Even if the surrounding trees presented a different kind of danger, she could run if one of the walkers bent down and saw her like she feared they would.

She was not in the same position as Carl, who was huddled underneath the car to her left with his father. She could not make him out, for there were too many walkers and not enough gap between them to make him out.

_It’s good, right? If I can’t see them, then that means the monsters can’t see them either._

She repeated that thought like a mantra, because she was tired of counting from one hundred to one backwards. She had been tired of that game for years. Every night she had done it, willing to block out her mother’s screams and her father’s drunken rants.

The thought of her mother cut through the manta as if it was a knife cutting through butter. She did not know where her mom was, or Mrs. Grimes for that matter.

Fear consumed her all over, and she felt like she could scream. But she kept her mouth shut. She was good at that, with the secrets she had carried over the years.

The wave of monsters were never ending. Just when she thought that maybe she would no longer see a single pair of legs, more would come in an instant. They kept on with their march, and Sophia thanked her lucky stars that one of them had not bent down to see the little girl hiding underneath the McDonald’s truck.

_I want it to be over. Just be over already, please._

But on and on and on they went, and no amount of wishing would make it otherwise. That was something else Sophia had learned too. She had long ago accepted that her dad wasn’t going to change, and her mother would never take her to live with a real father that would care for her and actually give her toys for her birthdays.

She saw the way Carl, Louis and Eliza had been with their parents, and just in the way they acted in general. They never had to watch how they behaved around their parents, for the wrong word could send her father into another tantrum. They never had to dress in a way that suited their parents without being called names if it was not up to their satisfaction.

They were care-free. Despite her age, Sophia knew that. She envied them.

So lost in her thoughts, it took her a while to recognize that the walkers were gone. Not a single pair of legs in sight.

She could see Carl now, and he was looking at her. Grinning.

_Good, we can get up now and go and play._

Sophia went to crawl away from the shadows of the truck, and she heard a snarl that send chills into her very blood. _They hadn’t went away at all._

Sophia let out a scream as the walker lurched forward, determined to get at her. His full body fell and he was on the ground, but now he was crawling towards her.

Sophia rolled to her side, all eyes on the forest as she crawled away from the monster before her. _He’s not going to get me, he’s not._

A hiss joined the snarl, and Sophia had a feeling that another walker had spotted her. The thousands of walkers might have moved on from the highway, but they had left behind a few stragglers on the road.

And two of them were after her.

The thought frightened her more than her dad ever did, and Sophia leapt up from her position and ran for the forest. The walker who had not crawled on the ground moved around the truck to get to her, and his hands reached out at her to grab her. She shrieked again but managed to swerve and avoid his touch.

She ran for the forest and tripped down the hill. She cried out in pain as she landed on her knees, scratches and blood everywhere. But despite the pain and terror, Sophia pushed herself up as she heard more than saw the walkers continue their pursuit of her. Like herself, they made a move and fell down the hill.

Sophia continued running through the shrubbery, passing by colorful green leaves and bushes and adding more scratches to what she already possessed. She did not care though, all that mattered was getting away from the monsters.

She stopped and listened. She realized she was lost now, and she could hear the sound of a bird taking flight from a tree as well as the moans behind her. A memory came to her then, of a gruff and angry man who had frightened her with his words.

‘ _You shouldn’t stay out of your parent’s sight, either of you.’_

Sophia whimpered, and she clutched her hands as she tried to find a path back to the group. Now more than ever she wished she had Buttons, the doll Eliza always carried with her.

‘ _Those monsters out there are going to get you and eat you._ ’

The hiss of the walker’s drove everything else out of her mind, and she continued running as far as she could. The grass came up to her knees, her clothes covered in mud. She wailed as she slowed to an agonizing pace in thanks to the grass, wanting nothing more than her mother’s embrace.

‘ _You need to step up if you want to stay alive, and first thing you do is make sure you never stay out of your parent’s side. You hear me_?’

Sophia broke into sobs then. Her own dad was dead, buried in a camp far away from here. And she hadn’t seen her mother once since the thousands of walkers had come flooding through the highway. She was all alone in a strange forest and did not have a single clue as to how she could get back to the group.

So caught up in her fear and thoughts, Sophia did not notice the edge that oversaw a steep hill she was about to cross.

She took one step over, and she did not have time to scream as she fell. Before she knew it, her world went dark.

**Night 67**

‘Sophia!’ Rick called out. It was pitch dark out and being in the middle of the forest at this time was not ideal. His nerves were on edge. He half expected one of the walkers to jump out of the darkness and sink their teeth into him.

_If you feel that way, think about how she must feel._

‘Sophia!’ he called out again, more urgently than before.

With a torch in one hand and a gun in another, he could not fight the panic that was rising from every minute and hour that had passed since Sophia’s disappearance. He couldn’t shake the sounds of Carol’s own terror as she had gotten up from the car, crying for her daughter as she tried to run into the forest after her girl. If it had not been for Lori’s quick thinking and grabbing onto the mother, Rick figured she would have just been as lost as her daughter out here.

‘Sophia,’ Shane called out. He was with Rick as well, searching for the missing girl. Unlike Rick however, his calls for Sophia were much less urgent. And less loud.

‘She won’t be able to hear that, you know,’ Rick said. Shane scoffed as he turned to face Rick. If it had not been for his torch illuminating his friend, Rick doubted he would have been able to have seen him.

‘You not remember all those walkers out on the highway, man? We don’t want to attract them back if we can help it.’

Rick wanted to scoff back, wanted to argue with all his might. But he knew Shane was right, and the way Shane relaxed Rick knew that Shane knew that Rick thought he was right. _Fuck, it’s a girl we are looking for though. She is out there with monsters hunting for her._

‘Don’t worry, man,’ Shane said. ‘We’re going to find her hiding behind a tree or something, she can’t have gone far.’

Rick nodded. ‘I hope you’re right. I don’t want to go back there without her though. I don’t know how Carol would handle that. And I can’t be responsible for any more deaths Shane, I just can’t.’

Shane frowned, a question on his lips. ‘You still blaming yourself for the camp?’

‘No,’ Rick said. ‘I am struggling with it for a bit, but not really. Not anymore. But I took us to the CDC, and Jacqui killed herself. And we went to that retirement home, and you and T-Dog nearly died.’ He looked down at the muddy water that rose up to their knees. ‘And I can’t help but think you blame me for that too.’

There. He had said it. He looked up at Shane, wanting to look into his eyes and see how he reacted. _It’s all out in the open now, I guess I’ll find out one way or another where we stand now._

Shane seemed taken aback, but almost immediately his face went calm. ‘I don’t blame you for leaving me behind, but I do blame you for taking us to that place in the first place. It was in the city, what we went through with the CDC was already a lost cause before it started. But you must have known that place wouldn’t have lasted for long.’

Rick nodded. ‘I’m sorry, and you are right. I just want to know where things are at with you, Shane. It’s like I don’t even know you anymore. Things have been so crazy, and I know we had this talk before we even left Atlanta but it’s like it solved nothing.’

Shane muttered something Rick couldn’t make out, but before he could ask for clarification Shane spoke up. ‘You’re right, Rick. It solved nothing, but you’re not to blame. I just don’t think being with this group is the right call for me anymore.’

Now it was Rick’s turn to be taken aback. _Where the fuck is this coming from?_ ‘Why? You were with this group for months before me, what changed?’

‘You did, man,’ Shane said. ‘I was only with the group for Lori and Carl, but now you are back and I just don’t think they need me anymore. I don’t think being with a group is the right idea, not in this fucking world. It seems wherever we go, we just bring more danger because of how many people we’ve got.’

Rick felt a flash of hurt cross through his heart. ‘So is that it, then?’ He asked. He couldn’t hide the crack in his voice. ‘You just going to leave me, Lori and Carl after we find this girl? You know Carl adores you, he sees you as his uncle for god sake.’

Shane shook his head. ‘Well, I ain’t his uncle. I love that kid but me and you, we aren’t really brothers Rick. Just best friends. And after we find this girl, I’m going. You can’t stop me.’

The mention of Sophia brought Rick back in the moment, and he looked at Shane. Pain turned to anger, before turning to coldness. ‘Fine,’ he said stiffly. ‘We’ll get Sophia, then you can be on your merry way,’ and he turned around without looking to see how Shane processed his words.

It was hard not to be reminded of his time in the force with Shane and considering him as a brother-in-arms in their many cases together as he continued to call out for Sophia, but his words had tainted and damaged the pride those cases once held due to their teamwork together. 

*

Carol found herself shivering, her thoughts racing one after the other as she tried to calm down. Lori was besides her, hugging her as best she could.

‘It’s going to be okay,’ Lori was saying. ‘Rick and Shane are going to find her in no time, you can count on it. She wouldn’t have gone far.’

 _No, she isn’t. I can feel it in my bones. My girl is dead, lost forever in the woods._ It was too much. She pressed her hands to her face and started to cry heavy sobs that shook her entire body.

Lori held onto her tightly to calm her, but to Carol it was only suffocating. She pushed the woman off her.

‘No, stop,’ she said. She saw from the corner of her eye that the whole group were watching her and surrounding her. The sight of Louis and Eliza pushed what little rational thought she had left trying to deal with her situation. ‘Why are we just standing here?’ She asked. ‘Sophia’s out here and we are just standing here like cowards not looking for her! We need to go and help look.’

She went to go to the forest, but a hand shot out and grabbed her arm. She protested and looked at whom the hand belonged to. It was T-Dog, and his gaze stared straight into her eyes as if searching for her soul.

‘I’m sorry, Carol. I really am. But Rick and Shane are on it the now, they’re looking for Sophia. It’s night and we would just get lost trying to find her.’

‘Oh, I see,’ she shook his hand off. She thought he let her, because his grip had been too tight for it to have been that easy to shake off like she had. ‘It’s okay for a eight year old girl to go missing, but god forbid grown adults get lost trying to look for her.’

She looked desperately around the group. Most averted their eyes, not wanting to look at her. Carol wanted to scream. _I’ve let Sophia down, again. Just when I thought we would be free to live a somewhat happy life without Ed, this happens._

To his credit, T-Dog did not back down. ‘Look, Carol. We all care for Sophia. I'm going to go hunting for her myself if those two don't come back soon. But we do care about her, don't doubt that.’

‘That’s right,’ Lori added. Others added their murmurs of agreement.

‘Well, why aren’t we out looking now,’ Carol cried. She could hear the desperation in her voice now, and she hated it. _It’s been far too long already, they should be back by now._ ‘I’ll go myself if you none of you want to come with me right now.’

‘I’ll go,’ Andrea said. She walked forward and put her hands around Carol. Carol allowed her, lost at words at the thought of somebody actually volunteering to go into the darkness. ‘Thank you,’ Carol murmured.

‘Anytime,’ Andrea said. ‘Just don’t blame anybody else for not looking Carol. It’s dark and it’s dangerous out there. One of those things could just jump out at us.’ The blood splattered all over her top showed indicated said danger. Carol hadn’t noticed before, but now it was hard to look away from it with Andrea being so close.

‘Are you sure it’s a good idea then?’ Dale asked. ‘You almost died today, Andrea.’

Andrea looked at Dale, her voice small. ‘Yeah, I did. But you can’t decide for me what I want to do, Dale. Please, just let this go.’

Dale sighed, but he let go.

Andrea nodded, then turned to T-Dog. ‘You wanting to wait later or do you want to help now?’

T-Dog looked at Andrea, before settling his gaze at Carol. He nodded. ‘Yeah, I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I didn’t search for her the now. And I want to keep the kids safe, no matter the cost. But we stay together, Andrea. I don’t want us getting lost.’

‘And me,’ Glenn piped up. ‘I’m getting angsty just standing here and doing nothing.’

Overwhelmed by the sudden turn in support, Carol felt her tears blind her. _Sophia’s never been shown much love like this before in her entire life._ The thought was painful, but brushing the tears away she said her thanks. ‘Thank you everybody, I really appreciate it.’

‘C’mon here,’ Lori said. She ushered Carol forward and hugged her tightly. ‘I’m sorry I was being a bitch. I just don’t want any of us in more danger. I do believe Rick will get your little girl back, don’t you worry about that.’

Carol sniffed, but she nodded against Lori’s embrace. ‘Thanks, Lori.’ _I really hope she is right. Sophia, come back to me darling. I can’t lose you. Not now, not ever._

Suddenly, Lori’s grip on her grew tighter. She quickly let go, and through her tears Carol saw Lori’s face grow chalk white.

‘Where’s Carl?!’

*

As the adults had argued amongst themselves, Carl had sneaked off when he was sure nobody was watching him. He could not trust even Louis and Eliza to not rat him out, so he had waited before no eyes were on him.

Now he was making his way down the steep hill, a gun in hand. He had taken it away from the bag of guns left behind in the RV. 

_I promised I was going to protect Sophia, and that is what I’m going to do._

Carl frowned as he walked into the darkness of the forest, and he felt a quick sliver of fear that he tried to push down. But he pushed that fear back when he thought about his friend, who was probably more frightened than he was. After all, Sophia did not have a gun with her when she was forced to flee from the highway.

Leaves crunching underneath his shoes, Carl pushed his way forward through the branches that were in his way. He did not know where he was going, but he knew his father and Shane couldn’t be far away from him. With any luck, he would come across him and the three of them would find Sophia in no time.

_If I don’t get in trouble for running away in the first place._

The first seed of doubt was planted in his mind then. He knew that his mom would be furious with him for leaving her sight, and there was a good chance his dad would be too. But he thought of Sophia, and the doubt was pushed out as swiftly as it came. Getting into trouble, maybe even getting grounded would be worth it so long as he got her back.

He continued on in his journey, and his fear started to grow despite his efforts when he didn’t come across his dad, Shane or Sophia.

He heard a twig snap, and he panicked as he raised his gun to aim at the walker who would no doubt come marching up to him. It was not a walker. Rather, it was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen.

A deer was standing in the middle of a clearing, not a care in the world. The deer looked at him curiously, then turned down to keep eating at the grass.

Carl slowly raised his gun down, and smiled. _I want to pet it. Please, let me pet it. Sophia won’t believe me when I tell her about this._

With that thought in mind, Carl approached slowly but surely. He was mindful of his steps, not wanting to chase the deer away. The animal was far too precious that Carl thought he would forever kick himself if he didn’t get a chance to touch it. To Carl, the deer was as mythical and beautiful as a unicorn. 

The deer looked up and stared at him. Carl froze, heart in mouth as he stared back. _Will she run away?_

A gunshot rang out then, and the deer fell to the ground. The weight of the deer shook the very ground it fell on.

It took a moment before Carl looked down at his own stomach and realized that he had been shot himself. The bullet had gone through the deer and had caught him too. His white shirt darkened red.

With a slight gasp, he collapsed to the ground and his world turned dark.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not much to add really. Just hope you all enjoyed the chapter! 
> 
> I know some people wanted me to avoid Sophia getting lost, but I feel without this arc Carol doesn't become the person she turns out to be down the line. And there are things I want to do with that Carol that were not done in the show. 
> 
> The person who is warning Sophia about staying away from her parents is Jim, a callback to chapter 3 of this story when he talks to her and Carl. 
> 
> A tease for next chapter, you will get to see my version of the Greene family for the first time!


	10. Night 67

Maggie Greene walked down the stairs, careful to step aside and avoid the pile of clothes and toys that had been left abandoned by her siblings.

_Until me or Lacey pick it up._

Rolling her eyes, Maggie caught one her sisters coming out of the sitting room just now. Rachel was breathless, her glasses steaming up. Whatever she had been up to, it was clear she had been up to some sort of trouble.

Maggie frowned slightly. ‘Where’s Susie?’

Rachel blinked, before grinning. ‘She’s just behind me, Maggie.’

As if on cue, Susie ran into the hall and almost bumped into Rachel. It had been a near thing, but she had caught herself just in time. Like her sister, identical if it had not been for Rachel’s need for glasses, Susie was clearly up to mischief.

‘Hey Mags, what are you up to?’ Susie smiled as if butter wouldn’t melt.

Maggie was not fooled for a minute. ‘I don’t know what you two are up to, but I want you to pick your toys up from those stairs and put them back into your room. Somebody could trip up and break their neck because of those things.’

‘But Maggie!’ Both the twins moaned in unison. It unnerved Maggie a little, but only a little.

She set her glare on them. ‘Now.’ And just like that they both nodded and set off to do their task. Maggie watched them for only a moment, satisfied that they were doing their job before going to leave the house for some fresh air.

She opened the front door to the sight of her father hugging Beth. Beth backed out from the hug when she realized that they had company. ‘I’m going to bed, daddy. Goodnight. Night, Maggie’ and just like that her other sister passed by her and walked into the house.

Hershel Greene smiled at her then. ‘Hi, darling. You mind joining me for company.’

Maggie blinked. ‘Of course,’ and she sat down on the bench to gaze at the fields. Her dad sat next to her, and both were content in silence to watch the fields. The night was dark and clear, so they could see all the stars. Maggie settled into her cushion, not taking her eyes from the peaceful sight. _You wouldn’t think the rest of the world was screwed up sitting here._

‘How are you?’ Hershel asked. Maggie saw that in his hands he was holding the bible. He was never far from the scripture of the Lord.

‘I’m fine,’ Maggie said. The truth of it was she did not know if that was the complete truth or not. All she knew was that she felt safe sitting by her dad’s side, a feeling she never thought she would experience again. ‘How’s Beth?’

Hershel sighed. ‘I think she’s getting better, she swears she is. Out of us all, she took Annette’s illness pretty hard.’

 _Annette_. Just the mention of her stepmother was enough to open old wounds, wounds that Maggie thought she had sewn up and forgotten long ago. But with what had happened recently, Maggie was willing to forgo any animosity she had towards her sick stepmother. Her family needed her now more than ever.

‘In truth,’ Hershel was saying now, ‘I think the twins are okay. Arnold and Lacey have been a great help on that front, they really have been. But it’s Billy I worry the most about. He pretends he is fine, but I know all of you Maggie. I know he is hurting deep down.’

Maggie nodded to show she agreed. _It’s true. Billy’s never been one to talk about his feelings._ She had seen him at the dinner table, how he kept quiet when usually he had been the one to light the whole room up with his charm. ‘I’ll talk to him, dad. If that is what you want?’

‘Thanks Maggie, I appreciate that,’ Hershel said. He reached into his pocket and pulled out his pocket watch. As always when Maggie caught sight of this watch, she felt her breath caught. _Mom gave that to him. He’s still carrying her in his heart, even after Annette._

Hershel looked at her sadly. ‘She would be proud of you, Maggie. Don’t ever think otherwise. Of you, Shawn, Arnold and Lacey. I don’t know how I could have coped without you all.’

Maggie shook her head. ‘Don’t mention it, daddy. You’re my family. All of you are. I’m sorry if I ever made you feel differently.’

Hershel looked at her, tears glistening. He brushed them away. ‘I could never not be proud of you, Maggie. You went out and pursued your dreams. And you came back when this family needed you. I’ll always be grateful.’

Maggie hugged him then. _How come we never talked about this before, when I really needed you?_ But she did not let the negative thought linger. It was unfair of her. After letting go from the hug, Maggie stared uneasily at the barn down the hill _. Oh Shawn. I wish you were better soon. And Annette, you as well._

‘Well, I better get those twins of mine to bed now,’ Hershel got up and stretched his back. ‘Are you coming in or should I leave this light on?’

‘Leave the light on please, dad. I’m going to stay here for a bit, watch out for Otis coming back.’

Through the light she could see Hershel frown slightly. ‘Yeah, he’s been a bit later than usual today with his hunting. I can’t imagine him still being out there hunting at this time.’

 _He could have been bitten or hurt in some way._ Maggie put a brave face on however, not willing to admit the possibility even in her head.

‘Yeah, I was thinking that myself. But maybe he has come across something to impress Patricia and is taking his sweet time coming home.’

Hershel laughed softly. His laughter was like music to Maggie’s ears. It reminded her of home, and that is where she was now. _Home_. ‘You might be right, sweetheart. Anyway, I’m heading in. Have a good night and don’t stay up too late.’

‘I won’t,’ Maggie said.

She watched her dad go into the house before sighing in content. Her fingers brushed against the bench, which in her opinion could be doing with another coat of paint due to the current white fading away. _Ma would never have let this get to such a state, not on her watch_.

Maggie basked in the heat of the night as she stared out at the surrounding fields, watching and listening. She couldn’t see much in the darkness, but her house shone like a beacon. The miles of grass the light illuminated and showed would have to do. Sitting in the bench, she found herself dozing off.

A faint yell awoke her.

Blinking rapidly, Maggie shot up. _Are there any infected out here?_ The thought was enough to alarm her. Sick people or not, Maggie knew they were dangerous and were to be avoided at all cost if it could be helped. _And they’re not going to infect anymore of my family. Not on my watch._

Maggie marched forward, squinting her eyes to see if she could make out whomever had made the noise. She could see two, possibly three figures in the distance.

All of the figures were running towards the house.

She could not see, but she could hear Otis as clear as day. ‘The house, it’s that way! Get Hershel, he’ll know what to do!’

‘Dad!’ Maggie shouted. _We’ve got new people._ The thought was enough to give her butterflies in her stomach. No new people excluding the sick had arrived at the Greene farmhouse for a long time, since the outbreak had started in the cities.

The door opened, but it was Arnold and not Hershel who stepped out. ‘What’s going on?’

‘Get dad,’ Maggie hissed. ‘There’s some people arriving, I think they need some help.’ 

Arnold only nodded before stepping back inside, allowing the door to slam shut. Maggie continued to face the field, heart pounding. _Otis wouldn’t invite trouble up here, not after everything daddy has done for him and Patricia. Don’t think otherwise Maggie, it doesn’t make sense_.

As the figures got closer, Maggie’s blood ran cold as she saw the first figure more clearly as he basked in the moonlight. It was a man, policer officer judging by his uniform and hat. He was holding onto a little boy for dear life, his face glistened in sweat. He stumbled but kept his footing. It was just as well, Maggie figured it would have been a fatal fall.

His uniform was covered in blood. The boy himself was unconscious, and the man’s eyes were only focused on the house. Her house.

‘Help me!’ the man called. ‘I’ve got a boy, he’s been shot. Help me!’

Maggie blinked at his words, but before she could react the front door slammed open. Hershel, Arnold and Billy stormed out of the house. Maggie felt her heart racing, taking in the man’s words. ‘Dad, he says his son’s been shot,’ Maggie said.

Hershel nodded, not even looking at Maggie. ‘Where did he get shot!’ He called out.

‘Stomach!’

Hershel’s face transformed. He was no longer the caring, doting father he could be to all eight of his children, the god fearing believer who took his vows to religion and marriage seriously. Maggie recognized him now as the man who expected nothing less than complete obedience to his authority.

‘Maggie, I want you to get your bed ready for that boy. Get as many sheets as possible. Billy, get Patricia. I’m going to need her by my side Tell her to get my kit. Arnold, you get alcohol. I know you've got bottles of Jack Daniels in your room. Get to it.’

‘Yes sir,’ Billy replied.

Maggie quickly turned around and opened the door, racing to her bedroom. Hers was the only one located on the first floor, a fact that Lacey had never refrained from pointing out in their many spats. It just so happened she passed Lacey in the hallway.

‘What’s going on?’ her elder sister replied, a drawl to her voice.

‘Some boy has been shot. Daddy’s going to operate on him,’ Maggie quickly replied. _Focus, Maggie. Focus. Your dad and that boy is counting on you._ She did not stop to see Lacey’s eyes widen in surprise. She opened the door to her room and marched over to her bed, pulling the covers off and loosening the buttons so she could get the duvet out. Without the duvet, the covers were simple sheets that the boy could use.

_Won’t be enough though._

Maggie marched out to get to the washing basket, which would be in the kitchen. She saw her dad and the man come into her house. ‘Take him to that room,’ her dad was saying. Maggie pressed herself against the wall to let both men past, before she went to get the sheets. Distantly she heard Lacey shout at Rachel and Susie to go to their rooms and mind their business.

After getting the sheets, Maggie raced back and saw a whole operating theatre in process. It was surreal to see her room be used as such, the many posters plastered on the walls and books on top of chest drawers out of place as her dad operated to save the boy’s life. Patricia was present in the room, doing whatever her father was saying. She gave Maggie a nervous smile when she noticed her, and Maggie returned it as Patricia turned her head to give her dad her full undivided attention.

Arnold and Billy stood by the door while the boy was on the bed, her father hoovering over him. The man who carried the boy was staring at the boy by the window side, not taking his eyes away from him. The light of the room showed his shock in a way that Maggie could not have seen in the darkness. He looked lost, scared.

‘Maggie,’ her dad was saying now. ‘Give Patricia the sheets and take you and your brothers out of here. You’re doing me no good right now.’

‘Yes, sir,’ Maggie said automatically. It was routine, a response learned over many years. And she ushered both Billy and Arnold out of the room.

‘I think you should go too,’ she heard her dad say to the man. ‘You don’t want to be around for this.’

‘I have to,’ the man replied. His voice cracked. ‘He’s my son. I can’t leave his side.’

There was a slight pause, before she heard her father say, ‘okay.’

Maggie and her brothers walked down the hall just to see Otis and another man walk in. Otis was red faced and panting from the run that he had just committed.

The other man was in a similar shape, but that did not stop him from almost marching down the hall. ‘Where is he!?’ The man shouted. ‘Where’s Carl?’

‘My dad’s operating on him,’ Maggie said. ‘He’s in my room right now, but the other man is with him right now. I don’t think he wants anybody else in the room.’

The man turned around, and Maggie almost took a step back from the glare he shot at her. _He’s angry, this one._ ‘Is that right? Well, he better hope for his friend’s sake over here that Carl survives. Because I’ll put a bullet in him myself for that boy. And this fucker shot him!’

Maggie took a proper look at Otis for the first time, and saw that his red face was not just from the run he committed. It was shame, too.

‘I’m sorry,’ he mumbled, not looking at any of them but rather the floor as if it were the most interesting thing in the world. ‘I shot a deer, but the bullet went thro-‘ The man cut him off with a sigh of disgust. ‘I don’t want to hear it, man. You just better hope that boy pulls through, or I swear to god you are not going to make it past the night. His mother is out there probably sick out of her mind looking for him, and his father is having to watch some stranger take a bullet out of him. That is all on you man, don’t try to shift the guilt.’

‘Hey!’ Arnold shouted. ‘That’s enough. Our dad will help him recover, you can bet on it. You don’t need to-‘

‘Don’t tell me it’s eno-‘

‘Enough!’ Maggie shouted. It cut off both the man and her brothers, who turned to look at her. She saw Lacey from the corner of the room, her eyes burning with questions. ‘Just wait on my dad, please. He’ll help that boy. We’ll sort this out once the hard part is over.’

There was a heavy silence, and Maggie feared that the arguing would continue. _As if this house hasn’t had enough arguments over the years._ But somebody must have blessed her lucky, because the man apologized. ‘Look, I’m sorry,’ he said. He rubbed his head and looked sheepish, but the worry and anger in his eyes did not fade. ‘I’m just terrified Carl is going to-,’ he did not continue. He did not need to.

Maggie shook her head violently. ‘He’s not going to die. Like I said, my dad will help him.’

‘Thanks,’ he said. He sighed, took a look at her bedroom before wandering into the longue and sat down on the couch, dirtying the furniture with muck.

‘You mentioned his mother,’ Maggie strode through the room to face the stranger. ‘She needs to be here for him. Do you know where she is? I could go and get her, bring her here.’

‘Maggie!’ Lacey sounded scandalized. ‘It’s dark out there, you won’t be able to see.’

Maggie resisted the urge to roll her eyes. ‘The pathway’s lights still work, you know that.’

The man took no notice of the argument between the two sisters. ‘Her and my group, they were at the highway last time I saw.’

 _The highway._ ‘The one with the pileup?’

The man nodded. ‘That’s the one.’

‘Good.’ A plan was beginning to form in Maggie’s head. _My dad might not want me in the bedroom doing nothing, that doesn’t mean I’m going to continue doing nothing if I can help._

‘That’s good. I’m going to grab one of the horses and go to her then. What’s her name?'

‘Lori.’ Something flickered in the man’s face then at her name, but Maggie wasn’t sure if she was imagining it. ‘Her name’s Lori.’

‘Good,’ she repeated before walking out of the room. ‘Billy, you’re coming with me.’

Billy look as surprised as Arnold sounded. ‘Why you bringing him with you?’

‘Because somebody has to escort this group back,’ Maggie replied. ‘Me and Billy are the best horse riders out of the whole lot of you anyway. We'll be going to get this Lori. Billy, grab the baseball bat.’ She marched out of the house, mission in mind and Billy scurrying after her. Th _is should take his mind off Annette and Shawn, if only for a little bit._

She stepped out of the house and saw Otis. He had his hands on the fence, staring at something in the distance only he could see. Maggie hesitated, before reaching out to pat him in the shoulder. Otis turned around, and she saw that his eyes were glistening with his tears.

‘We’ll talk after this,’ she told him. ‘Right now, just keep in mind that my dad will save that boy.’ He nodded, and Maggie gave him a quick hug before letting go and running to get one of the horses, Billy not far from behind her.

‘Billy,’ she said as they reached one of the horses in the stables. ‘Yes, Maggie.’

Maggie looked at the horse they needed. _Nervous Nelly, you better not let me down._

‘Don’t goof around, you do exactly as I say. Got it?’

‘Got it.’

*

‘Come on, Lori,’ T-Dog said as the four of them hurried after the Grimes matriarch. ‘We’re not going to find out what gunshot was by running around like idiots in the dark.’

Lori stopped and turned around to shoot him a glare. T-Dog did not back down. _We are acting like idiots. And I’ll be damned if somebody, anybody loses their lives over this._

They were out in the middle of the forest, with barely a source of light to help them. A snap of a twig got his blood pumping, thinking that one of the monsters would just pop up out of nowhere and attack them. His own breathing startled him in such a setting. _You just never know what could be out here._

‘You heard the gunshot,’ Lori said. ‘Just as much as I did. They’re in danger.’

‘Exactly,’ T-Dog said. ‘And what use are we going to be to them if we run straight into danger like they have. The best thing to do is take this slow, don’t split up and don’t go running off after the slightest noise. At best, somebody will get hurt if we carry on that way. At worse, well,’ he trailed off. He knew he was being an arsehole about it. The wounded look on Carol’s face told him that much. _But nobody is going to die by being stupid about it._ And with the way Lori’s body posture relaxed, he knew that she knew he was right.

‘I know,’ she said. She rubbed her eyes furiously. ‘God, you’re right. I’m so sorry.’

‘It’s okay,’ T-Dog said. ‘Come here,’ he offered her a hug. And to his surprise, she took it.

 _I haven’t comforted anybody since Mom at V’s funeral._ The thought was enough for him to let go from her. She nodded her head in thanks, brushing back her tears that he feared he might have been close to weeping himself.

‘Look, it’s not entirely dark,’ Glenn said. T-Dog looked at him, and he pointed. Following his guide, T-Dog saw a lamppost shining away.

‘Why the hell is there a lamppost in the middle of a forest?’

‘It’s the clearing in a forest,’ Andrea said. This had been the first she had spoken since going on their venture to find Sophia and Carl, a venture that had been interrupted by the sound of a gunshot ringing out and Lori’s purpose had been consumed in finding the source of it. ‘There must be a pathway here.’

‘Good,’ Carol breathed. ‘Maybe my girl and Carl saw the light and are just waiting for Rick and Shane to find them there?’

_I really hope you’re right, Carol. I really hope you are._

If it had been anybody else that had spoken those exact words, T-Dog thought that Lori would have pointed out the gunshot to Carol. He saw the way her mouth twitched, but she did not say a word. How could she shoot down a fellow mother’s worry over their missing children by reminding her what a gunshot implied?

‘That’s right,’ T-Dog jumped in before Lori could change her mind. ‘We’ll go in the pathway then and keep going until we get to them. Right?’

Glenn nodded, as did Andrea. Lori only sighed before saying, ‘yes.’

And just like that, the five survivors approached the lamppost and stepped from natural ground to the crunching sound of stones. It was indeed a pathway, and T-Dog saw the lampposts that illuminated the path.

‘You think this leads back to the highway?’ Andrea asked.

T-Dog shrugged. ‘I guess it makes sense if it does, but I wouldn’t hold my breath.’

‘Well, which way do we go?’ Glenn asked. ‘It would be stupid if we just end up back in the highway.’

The group paused, unsure of which way to go. _Up or down._

‘Couldn’t we split up?’ Carol asked. ‘At least one of the groups will find the children then at least, that would make me feel better.’ _She’s just trying to make the best of a bad situation, Theodore. Don’t be a cruel arsehole._

‘No, Carol,’ T-Dog said. He picked his next words carefully and deliberately, glad to do so after seeing the way her face fell from his initial words. ‘It’s just not safe, like I said with Lori. I don’t want us separated, and the kids are going to need all of us to be safe.’

Carol frowned, but she nodded. ‘You’re right.’

‘So which way?’ Glenn asked again. ‘I hate to be a pain in the ass, but I can see why it is so easy it is to get lost in this forest. I don’t want us to go trailing off in the wrong direction.’

‘I think we should go up,’ Andrea said. ‘Or left, depending on what way you are standing. I’m pretty sure the highway has been on our right the entire time.’

T-Dog shrugged. ‘Right it is, then. Let’s go.’

And with a direction in mind, the ragtag group went up the pathway. _So much for protecting the little kids, huh Theodore?_

The thought was picking away at him, and he could do nothing to shake it off. He pictured the little girl who had been often afraid of her own shadow, even if she had more life in her eyes than her mother had. The combination of his thoughts and images did not do well in making him feel better about the situation. Looking at Carol who seemed to fidget with her hands, and Lori who was marching forward with determination, he continued to feel the guilt.

_We will get them back. It’s not going to be like it was with Veronica._

They heard a twig snap in the distance, and as one the group all froze; looking at one another and all having the same thought in common. _One of the walkers maybe, or just nature settling in?_

T-Dog tensed, and his hands tightened around his axe. He looked into the forest, hoping to see whoever had made the noise. But all he see was green tainted with the darkness of the night.

‘Maybe it’s nothing,’ Andrea said. A growl, loud in its suddenness, cut off any possible doubt at to what it was.

A walker emerged from the bushes, his suit ripped to shreds and leaves stuck on the mud splattered coat. Two more walkers appeared, and T-Dog could still hear a moan in the distance. Carol let out a whimper and stepped back.

‘Get behind me,’ T-Dog told her. She looked at him, her eyes widening. But she nodded and did what he told her.

The suit walker was the first to try and attack. His arms out, he swung for Andrea. With a yelp, Andrea lurched backward which allowed for the walker to miss his attempt at getting her and fell on his face. Not a thought in mind, T-Dog brought his axe up and swung, aiming for the head. He struck bloody gold as his axe sunk into the back of the walker’s head. It took effort to try and get the axe out.

One of the other walkers, a woman in casual wear, chanced her luck with him in a similar way. T-Dog let go of the handle of the axe to grab onto her arms as she reached out, and found himself grappling with the monster as he tried desperately to avoid her snapping jaw. The other walker was fast approaching, and T-Dog swore as he realized it would only take moments before he would join the one he was dealing with.

Glenn did not let it happen. He ran up to the walker, who turned his head around to snarl at him. And just like T-Dog with the axe, Glenn slid down to the floor purely on instinct, or so it seemed. In the process, he tacked the walker to the ground. Andrea quickly ran around with a crowbar, and she started striking hard and true at the walker’s head.

T-Dog kept his gaze focused on his own walker, and he felt his hand slip from sweat and his lack of endurance. _Shit, she’s going to bite._

Seeing no other way, T-Dog allowed himself to fall to the ground and onto the stones. Pain rang up his back like a siren, but he ignored the sensation. He ignored everything but the teeth aiming for his skin, and he yelled, ‘somebody get this thing off me!’

There was a blur, before a gunshot rang out. The shot rang in his ears as the walker’s body collapsed onto him fully like a burst couch, a massive hole where her head had been.

He looked up in confusion over the body, and saw Lori lowering her gun. Smoke still rang from the gun, he noticed. ‘Thank you,’ he said. ‘But that’s going to bring more of them over here.’

Lori shrugged. ‘Whoever shot first has already woken them all up, it seems.’

‘Guys,’ Glenn called out. ‘There’s still more coming out of the woodwork.’

To T-Dog’s dismay he saw that Glenn was right. He thought he had heard one more in its approach when they had spotted the first three, but there had been two.

Carol let out a whimper, and Andrea echoed T-Dog’s thoughts in swearing _. And is that hooves? Surely not zebras, not in the middle of Georgia._

But he heard the hooves, and he looked up to see a woman riding horseback. A younger man, more teen than man truth be told, was holding onto her for dear life. With the reins in one hand, the woman held a baseball bat in the other. One of the walkers never stopped shambling to the group, the other had not fully emerged from the woods yet.

It cost him his life.

As the walker approached Glenn who backed away hesitantly, the woman swung and hit hard and true with her bat, and the walker fell like it was a game of ten pin bowling.

_What the fuck?_

It looked like the woman was determined in going always forward with the horse, but she slowed the horse to a stop. She quickly whispered something to the boy that T-Dog could not hear, before turning the horse around and jumping off. The horse neighed and the boy scooted up to take the woman’s place.

‘Are any of you Lori?’ The woman’s face was red, as if she had been in a marathon. There was no doubt she had ridden the horse hard.

‘I’m Lori,’ Lori sounded unsure, and T-Dog couldn’t blame her. _Who is this girl?_ ‘Please, get on your horse. Your boy’s been shot. Carl's been shot,’ the woman said.

Just as Lori yelled, ‘what?’, the woman pressed on. ‘He’s fine, my dad has got him sorted. Your husband and his friend are at the house, my dad is looking after the boy. I went here to get you. This is Billy, he’ll take you straight to the house.’

Lori did not even hesitate. Nodding to the woman, she quickly ran up to the horse. The horse looked as if it was about to bolt, but Billy soothed the horse down just as Lori got on behind him.

‘Wait!’ T-Dog said. ‘You can’t just go.’

But Billy and Lori were both off just a second later, the horse sprinting forward. Before T-Dog could say anything more, the walker they had noticed made his way to the pathway. The walker snarled and reached for Andrea once again, not noticing before it was too late as Glenn kicked his legs and he went down. Before the walker could get up, Andrea brought her crowbar down to the head and made short work of the monster.

As this went on, T-Dog chanced a look at the woman before him. Her eyes were set on the gruesome dispatch of the walker, and she seemed taken aback by the level of violence. _She can’t be that delicate, she was the one who came marching up here and saving our asses on a freakin' horse_.

‘What’s your name?’ He asked. The woman seemed to shake herself from whatever she was feeling about the sight before her, and looked at them all before answering, ‘Maggie. I’m Maggie Greene. My family live near here on a farm.’

‘How did you know how to find us?’ Andrea asked.

‘The friend of the husband, I don’t know his name, he said you were all up at the highway. I’ve lived here nearly my whole life, I was heading there until I ran into you.’

The group all took in her words, and T-Dog nodded. ‘Is Carl okay? Who shot him?’

Carol piped up with a question of her own. ‘Have you seen a little girl?’ She was clutching tight at her cross necklace. T-Dog wouldn’t have been surprised if the necklace snapped by the pressure Carol was placing upon the jewelry.

Maggie shook her head. ‘I’m afraid I haven’t, no. And Carl, I think he will be fine. My dad knows what he is doing. And he was shot by a friend of ours, Otis, in an accident. I actually don’t know how it went down properly, it was something to do with a deer. But Otis wouldn't have shot him on purpose. He’s just not that kind of person.’

_Do I believe her?_

T-Dog studied the woman before him. She seemed to be telling the truth, and giving her horse up for Lori ( _and she did know Lori’s name, something only Rick or Shane would have given her_ ) only backed that up.

‘Can we get to your place?’ Glenn asked. Maggie seemed relieved. ‘Yeah, I was going to lead you all back. I take it this is your whole group?’

‘No,’ Andrea said. ‘We actually have people still at the highway, two men and two kids.’

‘Well, we can’t leave them stranded,’ T-Dog pointed out. ‘If we’re going to this… farm, then we need to tell Morales and Dale about it.’

‘You’re right,’ Andrea said. ‘I can go back and get them. Does this pathway lead to the highway?’

Maggie nodded. ‘You just keep on going, there is a bend which leads out into the highway. It’s really just a straight road besides the bend.’

‘Right, I’ll go then,’ Andrea said, but T-Dog stopped her instantly by saying, ‘you can’t go alone, it’s too dangerous.’

Andrea faltered, and T-Dog knew they were in a predicament before the others did. _I can’t leave Andrea by herself, but Glenn and Carol could be walking into danger with this girl. Then again, if the latter is at all true, Lori would be in danger as well._

‘It’s fine,’ Andrea said. ‘I can handle myself.’

Carol spoke up then. ‘Why don’t I go with you?’ She fiddled her arms and seemed to shy under everybody’s glances, but she continued on and looked at Maggie. ‘If you haven’t seen my girl on the way here, then she could have went this way. We will cover more ground if we do it this way, at least.’

_That’s pretty clever._

‘That sounds like a plan,’ T-Dog clapped his hands. ‘Let’s get to it, then.’

As the group prepared to separate into two teams, T-Dog chanced a look at Maggie who seemed to be examining the lights. He could not get the image of her being at unease with the walker kill out of his head, and he did not know why.

*

_He needs blood._

The woman called Patricia’s voice kept ringing around his head like a bell, never going away as he took in his surroundings.

_He needs blood._

Rick groaned as he covered his face with his arms, trying to block out the sitting room. The grandfather clock at the corner ticked away, and he could hear Shane trying to comfort him as he held onto him with one arm.

‘It’s going to be okay, Rick,’ Shane was whispering. His voice was urgent with an air of desperation, as if Shane was trying to convince himself just as much as Rick. ‘He’s going to be okay, brother. You hear me?’

_He needs blood!_

Rick wanted to scream. He wanted to punch something. Most of all he wanted to weep, the voices overlapping in his head as he thought of his son lying in the bed, having seizures from the gunshot wound that was about to claim his life. S _top it, you don’t know that!_

Rick went to his feet then, and almost fell back down to the couch. He would have if Shane didn’t immediately stand up besides him, holding him for support. His entire world spun, so much so the grandfather clock was upside down to him.

‘Take it easy,’ Shane was saying. ‘You gave a lot of blood, you can’t be on your feet like this.’

Rick nodded and allowed Shane to ease him back on the couch.

What felt like hours when it was probably just minutes, Rick found himself speaking for the first time since he had given up details about his and Carl’s blood type to Hershel. ‘What was he doing out there by himself?’

‘What?’ Shane’s eyes snapped upon Rick, all attention focused on him.

‘Where was Lori?’ Rick asked. His voice sounded weak, pathetic. He hated the sound of it. ‘He should never have been out of her sight.’

Shane said nothing, and Rick continued. ‘And us, what the hell were we doing? We were just wandering around those woods looking for a lost girl in the middle of the night, with all those things out there. If we weren’t doing that, Carl would never have been where he was.’

Shane shook his head. ‘You can’t think like that man. What ifs, they’ll drive you crazy. What you were doing was the right thing to do. You thought there was a chance to save that girl, and you took it. It wasn’t like it had been long since she went missing, it happened not that long ago.’

Rick chuckled. It was not a pleasant sound. ‘But that’s it, Shane. What if she still hasn’t been found? And then Carl dies, an-‘

‘Stop,’ Shane cut him off. ‘Let me get this through your thick skull. Carl is not going to die. You hear me? He is not going to die.’

Shane stepped up and Rick tried to follow him with his eyes, but the world was spinning like a record. He could not keep his attention to Shane like Shane had been with him. ‘You made it,’ Shane was saying. ‘I thought you were dead, we all did. And that was before this fucking nightmare. You beat the odds. Why can’t your son do the same?’

_It’s cruel that I survive a gunshot and my son doesn’t, that’s what I think. After everything I did to get to him and Lori too._

‘Maybe,’ he answered instead.

‘You’re not listening to me, Rick. Goddamn you, why are you so eager to give up on him? Don’t you care about him?’

That was enough to cross the line for Rick. He tried to get up but slipped, and found himself on the floor. ‘What did you say?’ Shane sighed, and he helped Rick up. He ignored Rick’s attempts to punch him and sat him down on the couch once again.

‘Nothing. It was uncalled for, I know.’ He sighed and rubbed his eyes. ‘I’m just so tired, Rick. I just want you all safe, that’s all.’

Before Rick could find an appropriate reply, the door opened. Rick turned around to set his gaze on Hershel and the man besides him. _Him._ They had found the hunter, apologetic as he held onto Carl with the dead deer on the ground. Time seemed to have frozen from that moment onward, and Rick didn’t know how he had resisted the urge to have just pull the trigger and end the man as he stood.

_Fuck his sorrys._

Yet here they were, and Hershel had news. Shane gripped Rick hard on the shoulder, and both men waited with baited breath.

‘It’s good and bad news,’ Hershel said. Rick felt his heart plummet. _My boy, my boy’s going to die. And Lori doesn’t know. Oh god, she doesn’t know._

‘Bad how?’ Shane asked. Rick closed his eyes, wanting and not wanting the answer. Hershel answered his question without fanfare. ‘He needs more than we can give him. He won’t survive on alcohol, sheets and my first aid kid alone.’

Rick shuddered, and Shane held onto him tightly. _All my fault. Trying to be the hero to everybody when you can’t even save your own son. Lori was right about you all along, you never cared for your family as much as you did your work._

‘However,’ Hershel continued, ‘this is where the good part comes in. I’ve managed to remove the fragments of the bullet, but I can’t do much with the rest without what I need. It just so happens that FEMA was operating at the school all of my kids went to, it’s not far from here. They should have what I need.’

‘I’ll go,’ Rick said instantly. He tried to sit up, but he couldn’t even do that without falling. _Get the fuck up Grimes. Your son needs you now more than ever._

‘Oh no you aren’t’, Shane said. He shot Rick a glare, but the pat on his shoulder took the sting from his stare. ‘You’re staying here, with your son. He needs you, and so does your wife when she gets here. I’ll go to this school doc, just tell me what I need to get and I’ll be on my way.’

‘With all due respect sir, would you know what I’m looking for?’ Hershel asked. ‘It’s a respirator, with all the extra tubes and stuff that goes with it.’

Shane shook his head. ‘No, but I’m still going to go. I can’t do nothing while my-, that boy lies there bleeding to death.’

Hershel sighed, but nodded. That is when the hunter spoke up. ‘I do know what he is looking for,’ he said. ‘I’ll come with you, I need to make up for what I did.’

‘Damn right, you do,’ Rick groaned. He looked at Shane. ‘I’ll go with you both, I need to.’

Shane chuckled with no humor. ‘What did I just say, man? Your family needs you. Be there for them. Now I’m going to go to this school with this son of a bitch, but not before I see Carl. Do you want to be at his side, is that okay doc?’

‘I’m no doc,’ Hershel said, ‘but that would be fine. He is unconscious right now. I’ll help you with him.’

And just like that Rick found himself in the middle of Shane and Hershel, like a man who had too much to drink and needed support from his fellow buddies on a night out. _When was the last time I had a drink?_ He remembered the CDC then, and wanted a drink all the more for it. He could hear Otis trailing behind him, as if afraid he would feel Rick’s wraith if he ended up in his sight again.

Opening the door and seeing Carl on the bed took Rick’s breath away. He was pale as chalk, and his breathing was shallow. Bedsheets were used as bandages to prevent the blood from spilling out of his wound.

Patricia had been by the bedside, softly brushing a strand of hair away from Carl’s eyes. _He needs a haircut. God, his hair always did grow too fast_.

Patricia got up and offered Rick her seat as the men placed him on it. Rick took up the role Patricia left behind, focusing on nothing but the boy he would give his life for. ‘Carl,’ he began, but finished in sobs.

Shane patted him by the back, but he bent down to be directly near Carl. ‘I’m going to go away, bud. We’re going to pull you out of this mess, don’t you dare think otherwise. But it’s going to be hard on your dad, so I want you to be strong for his sake. Keep him together, would you? You’ve always been strong boy, don’t ever think different.’

It made no difference. Carl continued to sleep. _At least he is sleeping. And I hope like god that sleep is nothing but sweet dreams. He deserves a break from all this madness._

He concentrated on Carl, but he could hear Otis whispering to Patricia that he was going to the FEMA outpost at the school. ‘I need to do this, hon. I can’t live with myself if I don’t do nothing to fix my mistake.’

‘But it’ll be dangerous,’ Patricia replied. ‘You could die,’ her voice went soft. ‘What would I do without you?’

‘Save that boy,’ was the reply. ‘I’m being serious, Pat. I love you with all my heart, but I don’t deserve to live if that boy doesn’t make it.’

Patricia broke off in strangled sobs, but moments later her soft voice was gone and replaced with steel. ‘Then go. Me and Hershel, we will do what we can here.’

Rick didn’t look as they left the room, nor Shane as he muttered his goodbyes. He was too caught up in his son. He did when he heard a polite cough, and turned around to see Hershel. He had his hands in his pockets.

‘You doing okay, son?’ Hershel asked.

Rick smiled. It was a weak attempt, but it was an attempt all the same. ‘What do you think?’

Hershel nodded, before going to the bed and sitting down, making sure not to disturb Carl. ‘Yeah, I figured. I’ve been where you have been before, you know? One of my boys, Billy. He’s always been a difficult boy. He was four pounds when my wife had him. The doctors told us he wasn’t likely to make it through the night.’

Hershel sighed, clearly having the night in question in his head. ‘But he made it, and we brought him home to show to his brothers and sisters. You hear what I’m saying?’

‘He made it,’ Rick said. It was what Hershel wanted to hear, he presumed. Hershel nodded. ‘He made it, and now he’s sixteen years old. Your son is going to make it to that age too.’

‘I hope you’re right,’ Rick sighed. ‘But I’m sitting here facing him, and I just can’t picture him waking up.’ _Oh god, what am I saying?_ He rubbed his eyes. ‘Sorry, I just can’t.’

Hershel nodded. ‘It’s natural to feel that way. But he will wake up, I pray that he does and God always answers my prayers. He blessed me with my family and this farm, and he will bless your family too.’

Rick did not know how to reply to that without being rude. _Even now, I’m being courteous. What kind of man am I?_ He just nodded, and muttered, ‘I hope so.’

Hershel looked at him then, as if sensing his doubt. But he didn’t pursue it, instead saying, ‘Your man and Otis have driven off to the school before I came into this room. My daughter will be back with your wife at any minute now. May I ask you what your name is, son? It seems like our families have been intertwined unexpectedly tonight.’

‘It’s Rick,’ Rick said. ‘Rick Grimes.’

‘Hershel Greene,’ Hershel held his hand out and Rick in his fever shook it.

‘Dad,’ a young blonde girl walked into the room.

‘What is it, Beth?’ Hershel asked.

‘Billy’s back; but Maggie isn’t with him. It’s another woman he is with.’

‘Stubborn girl,’ Hershel muttered. ‘Let me go see them. Rick, you stay where you are for now.’

‘No,’ Rick steadied himself as he got up from the chair. To his credit, the world did not spin and he did not fall on his arse again. ‘I need to see her, before she sees…’ he did not dare look at Carl as he said this, instead determined to get out of the house to see his wife.

He ignored Hershel’s attempts to support him out of the room. He passed pictures and portraits of the Greene family in much happier times, and he reached the door just as Lori swam up to his sight.

‘Rick,’ she said weakly.

Rick said nothing, just held his arms out as Lori embraced him and husband and wife wept for their son.

*

‘Where is everybody?’ Louis asked.

Dale just shook his head. ‘I don’t know, son. But they’ll be back just shortly, don’t you worry about it. Your dad is just outside getting some air right now though, he is just out the door.’

Louis’ face screwed up in frustration. His sister was at his side, sleeping away and covered in a blanket. Her face was pressed against a pillow on the window, and Dale had taken consideration to draw the blinds shut just in case something unwanted had wanted to make his presence known to the children. _Just like it did with Andrea._

He couldn’t help but look at the door to his bathroom that had fallen off its hinges, broken by the monster in his desperate attempt to get to Andrea. He shuddered.

‘Get some sleep, son,’ Dale said. ‘You must be tired after today, it’s been a long trip.’

‘I’m not tired,’ Louis said, but his yawn betrayed him. Dale smiled. ‘Yeah you are, you can’t kid a kidder.’

‘Oh, ha ha,’ Louis said sarcastically, before trying to snuggle underneath his blanket. ‘Goodnight, then.’

‘Night, Louis,’ Dale got up from his knees, having bent down in the first place so he could be of equal height to the children. He had made a mistake in doing so, he knew. He felt every bone ache and creak. _You’ve got to remember you’re not young anymore. Irma never let you forget it._

As Dale went to go out of the RV, Louis spoke out. ‘Do you think my sister is going to be okay?’

Dale turned around, eyebrows raised. ‘What do you mean Louis?’

Louis shrugged. ‘She just isn’t the same anymore, not after mommy passed.’ It said a lot about the boy to Dale that he did not blink back tears as he spoke about Miranda’s death. ‘She’s always just sleeping or not playing as much when she is awake.’

‘Well, I will just say Louis that every person is different. Your sister is no exception. She is just sad about your mom, and is taking her death hard. But to answer your question, she will be okay in the end. Don’t you worry about that. Especially with a big brother like you looking after her.’

Louis smiled, but once again his smile broke into a yawn. ‘Go to sleep now,’ Dale said. ‘I’m just nipping out to talk to your father.’

He watched as Louis nodded and closed his eyes, easing into a sleep.

Dale turned around and slipped out of the RV, gently shutting the door behind him. He shivered in the air. It was a warm night but being out in the open air had that effect on him. _Must be a sign of my age._

He heard static, and saw Morales fiddling around with the radio in the car just next to the RV.

‘Anything?’ Dale asked.

‘Nothing,’ Morales sounded frustrated as he kept pitching the radio just so. ‘I remember when all we got was SOS messages, or notices from the government. Now we’ve got nothing.’

Dale sighed. ‘I guess if what Jenner said is true, then there will be no notices from the government anytime soon.’

‘Yeah,’ Morales said. He got out of the car then. ‘The kids go to sleep okay?’

Dale hesitated, before deciding to tell him the truth. _He’s their father, he has a right to know. ‘_ Eliza did, but Louis worried a little about her. Asked me if she was going to be okay.’

Morales sighed. ‘That boy, I’m worried about him Dale. Eliza seems to be taking Miranda’s death as expected. But Louis, he is just so calm about it. He hasn’t really cried since it happened. I can comfort Eliza, but I don’t know I can comfort him.’

‘Isn’t it a good thing though,’ Dale insisted. ‘He seems to be strong and mature for a boy his age, to be dealing with grief in such a way.’

‘I don’t know, Dale,’ Morales rubbed his head. ‘He saw his mom die in front of him. I just worry he’s building it all up inside of him.’

‘I understand,’ Dale said. ‘If you want, I can help you with the kids.’

‘No, don’t,’ Morales shook his head. ‘No offence Dale, but I know you’re dealing a lot with Andrea over Amy. And these are my kids, I’m still their father. I will deal with it in my own time and way.’

Dale nodded. ‘I’m sorry if I intruded.’

‘No, no. Just, Jesus. That static is annoying me,’ Morales said. He bent down to fiddle with the radio, and as he did Dale heard a slight catch.

‘Wait,’ Dale cried out. Morales froze, and to his credit his finger did not move the dial. ‘You hear that?’ He leaned in closer to listen, and both men held their ear out.

‘I hear something,’ Morales whispered, hoping his voice did not overwhelm the radio. They heard the usual sizzling of a radio signal trying to catch a wave, but a faint voice could not drown out the static.

‘Fuck sake,’ Morales muttered as he turned the dial slowly to the left, inch by inch.

The signal caught on, and a man’s booming voice could be heard.

‘-the one sitting on it. The earth and the sky fled from his presence, but they found no place to hide. I saw the dead, both great and small, standing before God’s throne. And the books were opened, inclu-‘

‘Pish,’ Morales muttered before turning the entire radio off.

 _What the hell did he do that for?_ Morales must have seen the thought reflected in his head, because he said, ‘that man, whoever he is, is off his rocker. I’m not listening to somebody preach to me about god and how we all deserve to be punished for not believing in him, believe me.’

‘Well,’ Dale scratched his head. ‘I can see why you feel that way, but don’t you see Morales.’ A pit of excitement bubbled up in his stomach. ‘We aren’t the only ones out here, we can’t be if he is speaking on some radio channel.’

‘Or that’s just a recording,’ Morales pointed out. ‘Come on man, you’re smarter than this.’

Dale shrugged. He would not let Morales ruin his mood. ‘It could be. But I’m going to believe it isn’t, it can’t be.’

‘Well, even if it isn’t, I don’t want to run into the fucker,’ Morales said. ‘He sounded awfully judgmental. Fuck, I need a cigarette.’

Dale took a look at his RV. ‘I’ve got a packet in the RV. I’ve quit for about a year now, but I’ve always held onto them just in case one day I needed them.’

‘You’re one strange dude, Dale. You know that?’

Dale shrugged. ‘I try.’

But his thoughts were deeper than the cigarettes, thinking of the man in the radio and of a woman who was convinced life wasn’t worth living for anymore. _There’s more to this world than just death, Andrea. I hope you see that._

*

The truck slowed to a stop, and Shane felt his heart beat fast.

_Grow some balls man. Carl needs you._

Shane turned to face Otis, who looked at him. His face held the guilt often seen in the men Shane had arrested over the years, the guilt that told Shane if the man had committed the crime or not. ‘You up for this?’ Shane asked. ‘Given what I’ve seen from Atlanta, this school is probably overrun with the fuckers.’

Otis hesitated, but only slightly. ‘I don’t care, man. Like I told Pat and all of you back at the farm, I’m not going to let that boy down. If he dies, it’s on me.’

 _You’re right that it is._ Shane only nodded. ‘Well, let’s get to it then.’

The two men got out of the truck. Shane had a shotgun at the ready, one of two from the bag of guns Rick had given the group and a pistol strapped to his holster. Otis carried with him his rifle, and both men had bags hung over their shoulders. Shane took a glance at the rifle. _The same one he probably used to shoot Carl._ It made him uneasy to think such thoughts, and Otis saw that he was looking at him. He seemed to piece together what Shane was thinking, as he muttered, ‘sorry. It’s all I have.’

Shane shook his head. ‘Don’t worry about it. Let’s just get this over with.’

The two men crawled forward up a hill. It was pitch dark, but the darkness did not hide the large building that must have been the school the Greene children attended.

It did not hide the moans or the smell of the dead either. Shane had heard them from a distance before they even had stopped his truck. And even in the darkness he could make out the many walkers that were between him and the respirator.

_Fuck. There must beat least a hundred, perhaps a hundred and fifty at total in front of the school._

Shane could make out the FEMA trailers, that just so happened to be placed in front of the school too.

‘That is where it’ll be,’ Otis murmured. ‘I figured,’ Shane replied.

_How are we going to do this?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well guys, I'm not really happy with the start of this chapter. I found it easier as I got back to Rick's POV, but I feel I struggled a bit because I just wanted to do justice to the iconic characters such as Maggie and Hershel. I hope you all liked. 
> 
> Speaking of the Greene family, this is their family tree for my story. The numbers will reflect their current ages
> 
> Hershel and his first wife, Josephine had Shawn (27), Arnold (26), Lacey (25) and Maggie (22). Josephine died when Maggie was four or five, and Hershel remarried pretty quickly with his second wife Annette. The pair of them had Billy (16), Beth (15) and Rachel and Susie (both 8). This allows for a proper remixing of both show and comic, allowing the whole comic family to appear plus Beth and the two wives Hershel had in his background on the show and the conflict Maggie had with Hershel moving on from her mother. But there will be a little more to it in this story.
> 
> The radio message Dale and Morales hear is ALSO based on a deleted scene from season 2, when it was only Dale initially who heard it. 
> 
> I hope you all liked, and please tell me what you think.


	11. Night 67 - Day 68

‘The military jeeps,’ Otis pointed out.

Shane looked at where his hand was pointing and nodded. _Should be something useful in these things, I hope so anyway._

Taking a careful look at the indistinguishable figures in front of the school and ensuring that none of them were too close to the field that Shane and Otis were currently crouching on, Shane crept forward slow and steady. _Don’t rush this Walsh, take it easy._

He got to the jeep. The door was left ajar, and Shane closed his eyes in anticipation as he pulled the door back his way as slow as he could. It creaked as he did so, and Shane bit back from cursing.

_The slightest noise, the wrong look my way and they’ll know._

Shane ignored his treacherous thoughts until he felt there was enough gap to crawl into the jeep. When there was an opening, Shane chanced his luck and crawled in a position that reminded him of a crab. _If Rick could see me now._

The thought of Rick made him think of Carl in a stranger’s farmhouse, bleeding out on soft sheets and drained entirely of life. And that thought was a different kind of danger to the worry about walkers spotting him, so Shane tried to brush it aside too. _Can’t stop, won’t stop. Just get it together._

And he did. Looking around the jeep in the darkness expecting a magical item to appear out of nowhere that could help him in the bind he was in was worse than feeling hopeless, it was just plain foolishness. But that did not Shane from looking around the jeep.

There was nothing.

‘Anything?’ Otis asked. He spoke quietly so it came across as a hiss to Shane.

‘Quiet,’ Shane hissed back. The moans of the dead droned on, none of them had been whipped up in a frenzy by their exchange. He breathed a silent sigh of relief. He looked again, and the only thing he saw were the keys that had been left in the ignition. _If this baby has enough gas…_

Shane screwed his eyes shut. What had come to mind would mean the abandonment of the truck, and he needed the truck to get the equipment in. But he could see nothing else around him that would help. This was not the only military truck parked on the school groups, he could see a couple amidst the walkers. And there were other cars as well. Yet he could not dare to hope they would have the keys inside the wheel like this one did.

Backing out of the jeep slowly, Shane turned to Otis and motioned for them to crawl back so they could have a much more relaxed and open talk, unlikely to bring unwanted attention upon the two men. As they crept back down the field, Shane gave it to Otis straight.

‘I was thinking of driving the jeep back and pressing the horn,’ he said. ‘Just press the horn and lure them. We could sneak by them then, and get to the trailers.’

Otis’ eyes lit up like a Christmas tree. ‘That’s bloody brilliant.’ 

‘No it bloody isn’t,’ Shane said. He took satisfaction in seeing those lights dim. ‘They’ll be over here and we couldn’t get back to the truck with the respirator or whatever the hell it is.’

Otis frowned. ‘Couldn’t one of us stay with the jeep and the other goes and gets the respirator?’

Shane shook his head. ‘No offence man, but you’re a big guy. You’d get overwhelmed pretty quickly if they turned around. And I don’t even know what I’m looking for, you do. It needs to be both of us to pull it off.’ He felt time ticking away, flowing through his hands like sand. _Too much time, not enough action._

‘Fuck it,’ Shane said. ‘I don’t have any other plan, do you?’

Otis shook his head. ‘No, I don’t. I just hope we can make it.’

‘You and me both,’ Shane said as he looked up at the field. ‘You and me both.’

The walkers were still wandering around the school, aimless in their direction. None of them strayed far from the grounds however, and the school from this distance seemed more like a fortress under siege by an army. _Why the hell haven’t they all wandered away from here yet? Unless FEMA has just fallen recently?_ He couldn’t picture it though. All of the government resistance and aide he had seen hadn’t lasted long.

‘We’ll find another car,’ Shane said now, snapping himself back to the present. _You’ve got to be moving forward, always forward man. Do what you did that got Lori and Carl to safety._

So he did.

‘Right, go over there,’ Shane pointed to their far left. ‘I’m going to run back to the truck and wait before they surround this jeep, then I’m going to go over to you. They shouldn’t see me, not in the darkness. We’re far enough away as well for them not to notice. Once I’m with you that is when we both head to the trailers. They should be too busy focused on the jeep that we can get out of here in a jiffy.’

Otis took in all his words with wide eyes, and nodded at the finish up. ‘I think that might just work.’

‘It will,’ Shane said. He resisted the urge to laugh in hysteria over his bullshit. ‘It will work. If we’re really lucky, they might still be at the jeep when we leave the trailers. We just go the way we came and back in the truck, easy as pie.’

‘Right, let’s do it then?’ Otis asked.

‘Let’s do it then.’

Shane watched Otis move to where he had directed him. He ran in a slight jog, and Shane could not help but wince watching him go. _He’s too slow. Even if they don’t spot him now, if he is spotted at any moment it’s game over._

As Otis went to his position, Shane crawled back to the jeep. He did not bother entering, instead placing his hands on the keys in the ignition. They felt hot and sticky under his palm. Shane figured it was due to the heat of the night and not from his own sweat caused by his nerves. Closing his eyes, Shane twisted the keys and heard the jeep purr.

It was the loudest noise in the world, even louder than the destruction of the CDC. He opened his eyes and looked at the dead crowd. A few figures had started to wander over to his direction, having been disturbed out of their endless stroll.

_Not good enough._

Cursing in frustration, Shane reached up and his hand slammed against the middle of the wheel. A loud beep filled the air, and he kept his hand pressed on the horn. If it were any louder, Shane felt he would have gone deaf. The purring of the jeep was nothing to the beep of its horn. And the beep of its horn was nothing compared to the snarls of the dead.

The snarls and moans rose in volume, every single walker in the school grounds now disturbed by a noise that had reminded them there was more to their existence than just a never-ending circle on limited ground. And that reminder was the jeep where Shane kept his hand on the wheel. Seeing them march forward was enough to make Shane’s knees grow weak, but he kept his hand pressed until he couldn’t no more.

A couple of walkers were at least twenty feet away from him before Shane let go of the horn and scurried down the hill, hoping with any semblance of faith that he had that they did not notice him. He did not look back to see if they had. He jogged around the field in the same path Otis went, and saw the man awaiting him.

‘They’re all at the jeep,’ was what Otis said. He indicated his head and Shane turned around to look. They were. All the walkers were at the jeep, clambering over one another in their attempt to see what had caused the noise. The noises they made were nothing human, but Shane felt there was nothing animalistic about them either. _They’re just monsters. That’s all they are, just monsters._

Shaking his head, Shane grabbed onto Otis’ shoulder hard enough to hurt. ‘The trailers are free now.’

He was right. The walkers had left behind the trailers to focus on their new target. They also blocked off their chance in getting to the jeep, if any of them happened to wander to their right. And they surely would at any given moment.

‘Let’s go,’ Shane urged Otis on and both men ran as fast and quietly as they could. Shane felt his heart racing as they ran across the same ground the walkers had been standing on not five minutes ago, running past torn off limbs and ripped tatter of clothing that could only have been torn off if their owner had been devoured to the bone.

They got to the trailer. It was silver and had the American flag hanging above its door, with the words FEMA stamped on the wall. _It’s a start._

Shane went to the door first, and before he put his hand on the door a fleeting thought crossed his mind that perhaps the door was locked. _Thank god its not._

The two men wandered into a different kind of darkness, and Shane’s brief joy at having something work out for him was quickly gone as it came. The room was pitched black, not even the windows that showed the moon could illuminate anything inside. Otis fumbled in his pocket, trying to juggle both his rifle and the bag hanging over his shoulder.

‘Got my flashlight,’ he muttered. And he got his flashlight out and let there be light. ‘Thank god.'

Shane marched forward into the trailer now that he could see his surroundings. Countless paper littered the floor, and desk drawers had been ransacked. But the racks holding all the medical equipment were left untouched from what Shane could tell. _Maybe missing a few items, but so long as the respirator isn’t one of them I don’t give a shit._

‘Right, you start searching. I’ll hold the torchlight for you,’ Shane said. He put his shotgun down on the table and got the torchlight from Otis and shone the light on anything that Otis was grabbing from the rack.

‘I need this, don’t need this, need this,’ Otis was muttering to himself as he placed the contents into his bag.

Shane bit his lip hard enough to draw blood. _Those walkers might come back at any moment now. Hurry the fuck up!_

As if hearing his words, Otis said, ‘I’m going as fast as I can.’

‘Who said you weren’t,’ Shane bit back. _After what he did, he feels he has the right to throw me cheek!?_

‘Sorry,’ Otis said. ‘I’m just hyping myself up, trying to go as fast as I can.’ His eyes and hands never left the rack, looking for the items he needed and disregarding the ones he didn’t.

‘Just shut up and grow up man,’ Shane said. He felt his nerves getting the better of him. _The more time that passes here, the more time that Carl doesn’t have._

‘That should be us,’ Otis said after he picked a heavy looking portable respirator up and placed it within the bag.

‘You sure?’ Shane asked. He dared not believe it.

‘I’m sure,’ Otis said and looked at him with a red flush in his cheeks. He looked as glad as Shane felt at his words. ‘We can get out of here now.’

‘Let’s go,’ Shane said as he handed the torch to Otis and grabbed onto his shotgun from the table. Walking out of the trailer, he came face to face with a walker. The walker looked at him for what seemed like eternity, when in reality it had only been a second before opening her mouth and raising her arms to attack.

Shane did not give her the chance to attack. Raising his shotgun, he fired his gun and her head exploded in a mist of red.

Time once again stood still as Shane looked at the crumbled body in horror, and at his own gun as if he could not believe that he pulled the trigger. What came next was the moans and the horrible snarling. _Not human, not even animal like. Monsters is what they are._ The hundred and so walkers that had been distracted by their jeep now all turned their heads around, and like the fallen walker that had tried to befell Shane they reached their arms out to get at the fresh meal that had just given themselves away.

Unlike the jeep, they had sight on a meal. And Shane did not think he was imagining it, but there seemed to be an extra spring in their step now that they had food in their sight.

Otis gulped.

That was enough for Shane to grab onto his shoulder and drag him along, running towards the direction of the school. ‘C’mon,’ he roared. The school doors were close to them, but for Shane they might as well have been a million miles away. _Just get behind the doors with Otis, figure your shit out then Walsh._

The moans behind them intensified, and if the walkers were all but running towards their targets because of their view then Shane was sprinting because of their sound. Hand still gripped tight on Otis, Shane braced himself as he slammed against the glass doors, fearing they might be locked. They were not, but that only offered temporary relief.

The doors pushed open because of their weight, but Shane instantly slammed the doors shut just in time to see the walkers had quickly gained upon them. They were already at the FEMA trailer.

‘They’ll pull through,’ Otis cried. Shane instantly turned around to see if there was anything he could use to block the stampede. He resisted the urge to cheer upon seeing the vending machines that sold cans and bottles of juice, knowing that it was unlikely it being used as a barrier would have much effect. Still, he had to try.

‘C’mon,’ Shane said as he ran towards the machine. He remembered his truant days quite well, when all of the friends that he and Rick had shared had encouraged the pair of them to pull the vending machines down onto the floor on the last day of school that year. Shane had done it, although not without assistance. Rick hadn’t partaken in it at all.

Shaking his head to get rid of the useless memories, Shane pushed the machine down with Otis helping him. It slammed against the floor with a loud thud. The moans Shane could hear from outside were getting louder, and he knew there were only seconds away from bursting in. That frightened him, but what made his blood run cold was the moans he could hear in the distance of the hall.

_They aren’t just outside, they’re inside too!_

‘Fuck it,’ Shane said. He grabbed Otis’ shoulder and pushed him forward, mindful of the bag he carried which was swinging wildly. ‘Just keep running and watch out for walkers!’

He did not turn to see the shattering of glass as all of the walkers threw their full weight against the doors and stormed in like a tsunami engulfing a city. Shane ran forward, his eyes forward. _Always forward, don’t look back._

They passed lockers and potted plants, passed open classroom doors and overturned tables and chairs that had been left in the hall. Behind them the moaning and hissing of the dead spurred their movement, but Shane feared the dead were only getting closer to them.

In front of them was their first obstacle. A walker missing his lower jaw had his hands reached out, as if he would be the first to claim his prize. Shane almost faltered at the sight of him, having forgotten that he could hear the dead inside the school before the ones outside had come crashing in.

It was lucky for him that Otis did not hesitate. Aiming his rifle, Otis pulled the trigger and fired. The force of the bullet slammed the walker to the ground, even if the bullet did not hit his head.

‘I know they don’t die from anything other than brain damage,’ Otis huffed. ‘I had to do it.’

Shane did not focus on his words, instead making sure he swerved to the right of the walker as it tried to reach out with his hands. ‘Just keep going!’

Otis did, and the pair of them reached the end of the hallway. They could see double doors, with a sign from up above that gave the room its name.

**GYM.**

Shane heard them before he saw them however, and as Otis went out to reach the door handles Shane pulled him back tightly by the strap of the bag. ‘Don’t get any clo-,‘ He was cut off as the doors slammed open, and several walkers came pouring out. Shane noted in mild fascination that all of them bar one had army uniforms on, the camouflage green ruined by faded brown stains.

Shane quickly swung around, still holding onto Otis’ bag. They were cut off from both ends, he saw immediately. The walkers that had come flooding from the gym were much closer, but the walkers from outside would crash into them soon enough as well.

He saw a classroom by the side, and without even thinking about it he pushed Otis forward and steered him into the room. He pushed the man in by force before turning around and slamming the door shut, just as one of the soldier walkers pressed their hands against the glass. Bloody hands pounded against the window, but Shane clicked the lock shut.

_These schools really have locks?_

Not wishing to question his luck, Shane turned around and froze just as Otis had. The pressure of the hands pounding on the door behind him was background noise, and not an immediate threat the way it had been seconds ago.

There was a bloody mess in the middle of the room. Entrails and intestines decorated the floors and desks nearby. So many children had been ripped apart in a mad frenzy, and Shane felt his eyes glued to the remains that had been left behind. They were not the only occupants in the room.

A young girl was chewing on a bone. She turned around to see what the noise was, and she let the bone fall to the ground. Her jaw snapped as she reached out with her arms. A young boy had been sitting in the far corner, and he would have been content to have just sat there if nothing had disturbed him. With just one hand to push himself up, the other hand most likely lost in the frenzy, he tried and failed to get a balance.

At least ten of the walkers in the room were only children, along with one adult. _Their teacher._

Blinking back his tears and his shock, Shane heard a deafening roar. All of the walkers were outside the classroom now, and it wouldn’t take them long to smash down the wooden barrier that was their door. Otis just stared, but Shane grabbed onto his shoulder roughly.

‘C’mon,’ he hissed. Otis did not seem to hear him, and Shane found himself once again dragging the man to the other side of the room. The child walkers and their adult caretaker did not let them out of their sight, all of them shambling over their direction. Shane looked at the windows, and he let go of Otis temporary to aim his shotgun at the window. He pulled the trigger for the second time in under half an hour, and the window shattered to a million tiny shattered fragments.

‘C’mon, don’t look at them man. Just get out of here,’ Shane kept murmuring to Otis as he practically dragged the man out of the window. Otis seemed to come to his senses as he felt the air on his face when he leaned out of the window, and he climbed over to get on the ground.

 _Lucky we weren’t chased up the stairs_.

Shane ignored his own advice and turned to look at the child walkers in the classroom. All of them had their hands stretched out, all of them had weapons for teeth. All of them held no innocence. _They’re all monsters. And Carl could very well end up just like them if I don’t get to him soon._

The thought was enough to get him out of the window after Otis. He saw Otis holding his hands against the wall, puking whatever contents he had to eat that day.

_He’s lucky. Shit, Walsh. When was the last time you ate? The CDC?_

Shane heard a crash, and he knew the walkers had gotten into the room. The door would have been buried underneath all the feet that would have come pouring into that one small room. ‘Come on, Otis. We don’t have time for this,’ Shane hissed. They were in eyesight, Shane knew. The girl that he had first saw was the first to be at the window, her pale skin shining in the moonlight.

‘Okay,’ Otis said as he caught his breath. Using his hands for support, he pushed himself away from the wall. Shane grabbed onto him, to make sure he was still with him. And the pair of them ran towards the front of the school.

‘You don’t suppose they’re all in there now?’ Otis asked through wheezing gasps. ‘We could just go back to the truck out in the clearing, get home.’

‘Man, I hope so,’ Shane said.

As if to taunt them, the snarls and shrieks coming from their left cut through their hopes. Shane cursed in frustration as he saw many more walkers shambling up a hill much like the one they had crawled to the jeep, hands on the ground to support themselves after having fallen in trying to get up it in the first place. He took a quick glance back to see that so many walkers from the classroom were also falling through the escape he had created.

‘Keep on going to the truck!’ Shane shouted. Otis nodded and panted as he ran, the weight of his bag not helping matters. _Just round the corner Shane boy, just round the corner and you both should be home free._

They turned around the corner, and they were not home free. Many walkers had come chasing after them in the school, but just as many were still out in the courtyard. At least fifty still remained outside the FEMA trailer, and they had turned around just at the wrong moment to have spotted the two desperate survivors.

To their left the walkers were getting up now with no problem, having carried themselves up the hill and having overcome their daily challenge of mindless stupidity.

Behind them, Shane knew the little pale girl was leading the army behind her to their location.

_We’re fucked._

Shane took one look at Otis and he knew it. He had been tired out by their run, and the bag he was holding did not help matters. _The bag that will save Carl._ An idea formed in his mind then.

‘Give me the bag, Otis.’ He quickly strode forward with Otis as he sensed the walkers on the left catching up to them, but the ones to their right were also on their tail. In seconds they would blend in with each other’s crowd, and Shane and Otis would have an entire horde behind them. Otis panted but he gave him the bag all the same.

‘Thanks, I did-‘ Shane quickly grabbed onto the strap of the bag with one hand, but he fired the trigger with his shotgun on the other. Otis’ eyes widened in surprise, and he looked down to see the blood gushing down from his chest.

_I’m sorry man, but I’m not letting Carl turn into one of those things. No way in hell._

‘I’m sor-‘, Shane was cut off as Otis lurched forward and snarled, much like the monsters they had been evading throughout the evening. Shane yelped as Otis clawed at his face. ‘Get the fuck off me!’ He cried.

He could hear the moans of the dead, more enraged than ever. Either the gunshot had set them off or the fact their prey was so close was enough to whip them up in their never-ending desire for human flesh. Otis had surprising strength for a man who had just taken a shotgun shell to the chest. He was not willing to let Shane get away with his crime, that much was clear. But Shane was not willing to be dragged down with him either.

Shane kicked at the man who used his weight to his advantage, trying to pin him to the ground. Otis grabbed onto a strand of his hair and pulled, and Shane yelped in pain even as Otis moaned in his own pain. ‘Get the fuck off me!’ Shane yelled.

He could see the walkers from the corner of his eye now, knowing that any second now they would be down upon them and leave nothing but bone in their wake.

Otis coughed, and blood spluttered out. His eyes rolled back, and Shane knew it was now or never. With a heavy grunt, Shane pushed the man’s body off him and rolled him to the side. Not daring to look at the crowd behind him, imagining he could feel their rotten breath brush the hair of his neck, Shane scrambled forward in his mad dash to get away. He grabbed onto the bag but not the shotgun, once again leaving behind a shotgun he had used. _And on the same day too._

He didn’t hear Otis as the crowd pounced on him. No doubt that he was too far gone for that, to feel any pain that he was about to experience. _I’m so sorry man, so so sorry, I had no choice. I can’t let Carl die, I can’t._

There were only stragglers in front of Shane, not part of any crowd. They were easy enough to dodge, and Shane set his eyes on not the truck he had come in on but the jeep that was still purring away. All of the dead had mercifully left it behind.

He looked forward, always forwards and not backwards as he made his escape from the school.

**Day 68**

‘So, what’s your name?’

The question made Glenn blink and look up at the very pretty woman before him. They were in front of T-Dog, who was trailing not too far behind to have an ear out in case someone or something tried to sneak up on them. It was still pitch dark, and Glenn had never felt so grateful that they had the lights by the side to ease any fears they might have.

_Not that I’m afraid. Not of the dark anyway._

‘I’m Glenn,’ he said. Struggling to think of what else he could say, he asked for her name again. ‘It’s Maggie,’ she said.

Glenn nodded, and was struck by the awkward silence that fell between them. _C’mon, Glenn! Don’t let this be your downfall again. Actually speak up, make some friends in this world. God knows you never did before and you needed them. Now you need some more than ever._

‘When did you learn to ride your horse?’ Glenn asked, and felt himself blush. He was always doing that, and now he wanted to kick himself now more than ever. It had sounded like a great idea in his head.

Maggie took no notice of it, perhaps pitying him and sparing him from embarrassment. ‘I’ve always ridden horses, I grew up with them. My whole family did, really. We live at a farm, you see?’

‘Oh, cool,’ Glenn said. ‘I’ve always wanted to live at a farm. Big city boy here.’

Maggie laughed. It was like music to his ears. ‘That’s funny. Growing up at a farm, I wanted to go out there and explore the world. I did for the last couple of years anyway.’

‘Really?’ Glenn asked. ‘Whereabouts did you go?’

‘Furthest I went to was Savannah,’ Maggie sighed. ‘I’ve never left the state, never mind the country. You believe that? But I had dreams. I was at college when all this went down, and I pretty much had my eyes set on getting a degree in fashion. I came back here when the news started because I wanted to be with my family. What did you do before all of this?’

Once again Glenn fell embarrassment bubble up in his throat, but he did not let that stop him from answering her question. ‘I delivered pizzas.’

‘In Atlanta, I take it?’

‘Yeah, I was born and raised there.’

‘That’s a pity,’ Maggie shot him a smile. ‘We could have met if you were in Savannah. My girlfriends and I would always order a pizza takeout during weekends.’

‘Oh, believe me you wouldn’t,’ Glenn said. ‘The prices for my pizzas were extortionate. You seem sensible enough not to waste your money on it, especially cause they weren’t even good.’ He still winced to think about the amount of health laws his fellow co-workers disregarded at the workplace.

Maggie shrugged. ‘Pizza is pizza, I’d eat any flavor of it. The only pizza I didn’t like was a mustard pizza though, now that was gross.’

Glenn screwed his face up. ‘It does sound disgusting.’

‘Doesn’t it though?’ Maggie said. She smiled slightly, as if remembering the disgusting pizza and the strange sensation of having fond memories of such an experience.

A silence settled between the pair of them, but it was not as awkward as Glenn thought it would have been moments before they talked about the pizza. It was a comfortable silence, one that invited him to take in the silence for the warmth it presented. Even with T-Dog behind them, Glenn only had eyes for the woman before him.

 _She’s pretty, sexy even. But how can you think of her in that way? Amy’s not long dead_.

The thought was enough to destroy any warmth he had felt the silence offered him, instead only confirming his worst fears in that it would be an awkward one. He did not know what to say or do to get it back, so he continued to be silent. _Holly wanted you to talk to Amy like you had been with Maggie. Why aren’t you? You know why. Amy is dead, Holly died not long after her. It’s dangerous to get close to somebody in this world. You’ve lost how many people the past week? Fuck, even fuckers like Merle die and you have to carry shit over it. Just keep away from her, Glenn. She doesn’t deserve to hang around a curse like you._

‘So what is your story?’ Maggie asked. It seemed she was not willing to let silence be the victor for the night. ‘Why were you all out here in the first place?’

Glenn wanted to ignore her, to chase her away from even thinking about him. But he responded, because it would have been rude not to. ‘We lost this little girl, Sophia. Rick and Shane, the guys at your farm, they were looking for her when Carl sneaked off and got himself shot I guess. We were out looking for them when you came across us.’

Maggie nodded thoughtfully. ‘And you haven’t come across this girl at all?’

‘No,’ Glenn sighed. ‘At least we know where Carl is, and I trust you about your dad being able to take care of him. But as far as I know, we still haven’t found Sophia.’

‘We will,’ a voice emerged. Glenn almost jumped, having near enough forgotten they had a third party with them. ‘We’re not leaving until we find Sophia and Carl recovers.’

‘The farm?’ Maggie quizzed T-Dog, who only nodded. ‘Farm, hotel, mansion, I don’t care. The kids’ safety comes first, and I won’t let them be forgotten about.’

‘Come on, man,’ Glenn said. ‘We will find her, and Carl will heal up just nicely.’

‘I hope you’re right,’ T-Dog said. He heard a creak and he instantly turned around, hands on his axe. But he heard nothing more, and relaxed his stance.

‘If you’re worried we are going to kick you out right away, don’t,’ Maggie said. She didn’t look at T-Dog behind her, only ahead as she talked. ‘My daddy loves helping people out if he has the means. He probably won’t let you stay after you’ve found her though, we’ve got a pretty big family to look after.’

Glenn thought he heard T-Dog tut, but he ignored it in favor of satisfying his curiosity. ‘How big?’

‘I’ve got seven siblings,’ Maggie replied. ‘Three brothers and four sisters.’

‘Holy shit,’ Glenn couldn’t help himself. Maggie laughed at his response. ‘That’s a whole army.’

‘Yeah, I get that a lot,’ Maggie said. ‘One of the reasons I wanted to get away from the whole farm business. I couldn’t stay cooped up with them all, at the best of times we just barely stop from killing one another.’

‘I bet, and I thought I had it bad with just me and my cousin living with my nana.’

Maggie sighed in content. ‘That sounds nice, just the three of you.’

Glenn thought of his nana then and felt a pang of guilt run through him. _She’s dead, Glenn. You shouldn’t keep being hung up over bad memories. The past is the past._ ‘Yeah, it wasn’t bad. But having a big family can’t be all that bad, can it?’

Maggie shook her head. ‘Nah, I’m being a tad overdramatic.’ Her voice took on a different tone with her next sentence. ‘That’s what my stepmother always said, anyway. But still, I love all of my family. I wouldn’t swap any of them for the world.’

‘I bet,’ Glenn said. They continued on in their path, not knowing if it was the late hours of night or the early hours of morning.

*

‘I never did thank you, you know.’

Andrea looked up in surprise, a torch in one hand to show Carol’s face. The woman hadn’t uttered a word since they had split up from the group and headed back to the highway.

‘Thank me for what?’ Andrea asked. She could feel her top sticking to her, the blood stains doing nothing to ease her discomfort.

‘For standing up for me back at the camp,’ Carol said in a soft voice. She did not look at Andrea as she said it, preferring to look into the woods instead. ‘You and Amy when we were washing the clothes and Ed tried to drag me back. Both of you stood up for me.’

Andrea thought of the memory. _Feels like a million years ago now. But you and Amy were able to connect over this, she never thought she was able to stand up for herself._ ‘Don’t mention it,’ Andrea said. She hesitated, before saying, ‘I’m sorry for your loss.’

Carol said nothing for minutes, and Andrea feared she had crossed a line. _Stupid. Why would you say such a thing when you don’t even believe in it? Carol’s better off._

‘Thank you,’ Carol said. ‘You know you are the first one that has said that to me?’

‘Really?’ Andrea asked. She could not _imagine_ why.

Carol shrugged. ‘I know Ed wasn’t well liked. And he gave himself no reason to be. The truth is,-‘ she took a shuddering breath, using every ounce of her energy to continue what she had to say, ‘he deserved what he got. I just worry about my Sophia, that’s all. He was still her daddy, and he was still my husband. She still loves him, and I love him too. Even now I still love him.’

Andrea took in her words, the only silence between them the stones crunching underneath their feet. Andrea was grateful she had not needed to dispatch any walkers so far in their journey, she had done enough of that business for the day. _But it won’t last, it won’t be long before you have to do it again._

She felt the gun strapped to her holster, her fingers lightly brushing the side of it. The very motion was a reminder of what was at stake.

‘We will find Sophia,’ Andrea said firmly. Carol looked at her, and her eyes shone with tears. ‘Don’t you worry about her, Carol. She’s strong, she’s survived worse.’

‘She has,’ Carol said as she wiped away her tears. ‘Thank you, Andrea. And I don’t know if I told you, but I’m sorry for your loss too. Amy was a wonderful girl.’

The name still had the ability to sting, but Andrea found herself being able to smile and say, ‘she was. I miss everything about her, you know? Even her snores and believe me I would have done anything to shut her up when she started snoring.’

Carol smiled. ‘Sophia’s a heavy sleeper herself.’

They got to the end of the path, and Andrea saw that they were now in the highway. Leaving the lampposts behind, Andrea used the torch to light their way to the RV. It did not take them long before they could see the vehicle that had more often than not saved all their lives in one way or another.

Morales and Dale were standing chattering, both a smoke in hand.Their chatter drew to a stop when they saw the women, and both approached.

‘What happened?’ Dale asked. His face was lit with concern. Andrea felt the anger she had for him stir, but she found she had no energy to keep it up. _You need to move on, Andrea. You could have died in the RV, but you still fought to live._ So she answered without letting her emotions drive the answers.

‘We still haven’t found Sophia, unfortunately. Carl, it’s a long story. He’s okay from what we’ve been told though, he is with some family who are looking after him.’

‘Good,’ Morales said. ‘But I’m sorry about Sophia, Carol. We will find her, don’t you worry about that.’

Carol smiled weakly. ‘Thank you, Morales. Did none of you see her come this way at all?’

Dale sighed. ‘I’m sorry, Carol. We haven’t seen anything.’

Carol nodded as if she expected the answer. Andrea supposed in a way she had, since the girl wasn’t there to greet them. ‘I’m going into the RV for the restroom, I won’t be long.’ As she walked into the RV, Andrea watched her go with sadness too deep for words. _I hope we find that girl, but it honestly doesn’t look good._

Dale approached her then, and she looked at him with caution. She may not have the energy to carry on her anger at him, but that did not mean she trusted him to be around her. ‘I’m sorry,’ he said.

Andrea blinked. ‘What?’ _I’m in the habit of being surprised today._

‘I’m sorry for taking away your choice at the CDC. It was wrong of me,’ Dale pressed on as if he was worried Andrea would turn her back on him and not hear what he had to say next. ‘You’re your own adult. I just care for you too much, Andrea. And you nearly died today,’ he looked down at the ground. Andrea followed his gaze, and saw the walker that had almost killed her lying on the ground. She resisted the urge to shudder.

‘Can you forgive me?’ Dale asked. Andrea looked into Dale’s eyes, and saw that he was being genuine. That hurt her all the more, for she wanted to forgive him more than anything.

_But I almost died in what would have been a far worse death. And there is no guarantee it still won’t happen._

‘I’m trying,’ Andrea said. ‘It’s not that I don’t want to forgive you, I do. But I have to work things out, Dale. And I know you cared about Amy and I; I’m sorry if I tried to make you feel otherwise.’ And just like that she passed Dale to go and sit in Carol’s car, leaving him to ponder on her words.

*

‘What are you thinking about?’ Lori turned around to see Rick, pushing himself against the wall so he would not fall. _He looks terrible._

He had bags under his eyes, and his skin was as white as Carl’s. _Almost as white._ Lori turned to look at her boy, lying in a bed wrapped up in bandages. He had not opened his eyes since he had been shot, and it looked like he was not going to until he was out of the woods. _If he gets out…_

‘I’m trying not to think about my son dying,’ Lori’s voice cracked at the last word. ‘But it’s all I keep thinking about.’ She closed her eyes and exhaled. 'It’s all I can keep thinking about Rick.’

‘C’mon,’ Rick pushed himself from the wall and walked over shakily to embrace her. With the way Rick looked after donating so much blood to keep Carl alive, Lori thought it rather silly of him to be the one comforting her when it should have been the other way around. Just the sight of Carl was enough to remind her that she very much needed comforting however.

‘He’s going to be okay,’ Rick murmured in her ear. ‘Shane and Otis, they’ll be back in no time.’

Lori grimaced, and she pushed herself off from Rick gently. ‘Otis, the man who shot my son?’ _And Shane, the man who tried to rape me._

She left the last thought unsaid, knowing it wouldn’t be an appropriate time to drop such revelations. Not that she intended to do so anytime soon. What happened between her and Shane at the CDC would remain a secret, so long as he kept away from both her and her son. Yet he was risking his life at that very moment to keep her son’s heart beating.

Lori wanted to cry at the frustration of it all. She felt like a fly tangled up in a spider’s web, and there was no way out that she could see.

‘I know,’ Rick said. ‘We’re going to have words with him once he comes back, Lori. You can bet on it. But I trust Shane, he’ll get back here with the equipment to save him.’

Lori nodded, weariness settling over her. She knew Rick was right, which only added to her depths of despair. She focused on Carl again and brushed back his bang of hair. _I cut this not that long ago._

He looked small, shrunken in the state he was in. She remembered the first time she had been able to hold him, after being waken up from the drugs they had her on for her caesarean. He had been a difficult birth, and he had been tiny then too, but his eyes had been open and were taking in the world.

Lori blinked back tears. ‘This is my fault.’

‘How?’ Rick asked. He looked at her intently, and Lori shivered under his stare. ‘Because he should have been by my side,’ Lori answered. ‘We were too busy arguing over Sophia, he was able to slip past without anybody noticing. I think he wanted to go and find her.’

Rick sighed, and he placed one hand on her shoulder. ‘It could have happened to anybody. It’s not your fault.’

‘It is,’ Lori insisted. ‘It is, Rick. I’m telling you, if he gets through this then he is never leaving my side again.’

‘He will get through this,’ Rick said. ‘He will.’

‘And if he doesn’t?’ Lori croaked. ‘Rick, you can’t have forgotten what Jenner told you. About all of us being infected and that we turn when we die.’ Lori put her hands on her face. ‘Oh god, what are we going to do when he turns?’

Rick reached out and pulled her hands away from her, making sure she could only look at him. ‘He is not going to die,’ he said. ‘Like I tol-‘

He lost his balance, and would have fell to the floor if Lori hadn’t instantly grabbed onto him for support. His hat fell of his head, landing next to Carl’s body. Hershel and Patricia had left them for their privacy at the time, but now Lori called out for their support.

‘Hershel! Patricia! Rick has fainted!'

Hershel and Patricia came into the room on cue, as if they had been waiting outside the door like professional doctors and nurses. It had come to Lori as a nasty shock to know that Hershel was no doctor, but rather a veterinarian who had only worked on animals. Patricia herself had no experience, only what she had been taught by the man.

‘He needs water,’ Hershel told Patricia. She instantly went out of the room to fetch a glass, while Hershel walked over to help Lori support Rick into sitting down on the chair she had been on. Rick was blinking rapidly. He hadn’t fainted after all, but it was a close thing.

‘Give it to me straight, doc,’ he slurred his words. ‘Is Carl going to be okay?’

Hershel grimaced, and that was all Lori needed to have her heart in her mouth. _He’s going to die. My baby boy is going to die._

‘All I can say is that the more time passes, the more it looks likely I’ll need to operate on him without the equipment I need,’ Hershel said. ‘I’m sorry.’

‘But you told me that Carl would likely die if you did that,’ Lori said. ‘That he would be in too much pain.’

There was a hint of accusation in her voice, but at the moment Lori did not much care if Hershel was offended by it. He looked at her, and his face softened. ‘It’s better to operate on him and give him a chance than have him have no chance at all.’

‘How much time?’ Rick asked. The question was a loaded gun, the bullet ready to go off depending on what answer was given.

‘I’ll give you five minutes to decide,’ Hershel said before he walked out. Lori looked at Rick then, but her thoughts were centered around Carl. _What we are about to do could mean the death of him._

Just then she thought of Jenner at the CDC, the man that had given them all the chance to die peacefully instead of going out to a world where you had to decide if your son should live or die depending on the choices you made. And Jacqui, who was the only one who made the choice to bow out peacefully without having it taken away from her.

_She didn’t have to see that retirement home, or hide from that herd. She didn’t have to see us lose Sophia or watch Carl bleed out in a bed._

Rick looked at her back, and Lori felt he might be thinking similar thoughts.

‘What are you wanting to do?’ He asked.

Lori looked at Carl, properly took in him. _My sweet boy, you don’t deserve this. You don’t deserve this at all._

‘I want to fight for him,’ she said. If she refused the option to have them all bow out peacefully, she intended to fight for as long as she could for the option she did choose. And that option had Carl grown up in the future, with children and a wife of his own. Rick sighed, and he went out to touch Carl’s hair. ‘Me too,’ he said. ‘I’ll do anything for the pair of you, I hope you know that.’

Lori took in her husband and her son and she nodded. _I accused him of not caring once, but he’s always cared. He’s never lied when he has said this about keeping us safe. I didn’t deserve him then, and I don’t deserve him now._

‘Good,’ Rick said before he bent over to kiss Carl’s forehead. ‘Let’s tell Hershel.’

Lori helped her man up, but not before she also went to kiss Carl’s forehead. ‘We’re fighting for you, son,’ she whispered. ‘I don’t intend to give you up anytime soon.’ Taking one long last look at Carl, Lori went to help Rick out of the room.

They saw Hershel and Patricia waiting in the hall. Patricia held out a glass of water, which Rick accepted from her and drank. Lori wanted to scream at how calm they both looked, most especially Hershel. But knowing what was in the other room, Lori knew that she would rather have people who kept their calm and knew what they were doing.

‘What’s it going to be?’ Hershel asked. Rick looked at Lori, and the pair nodded at one another before he turned around to say, ‘give him the operation.’

‘Right, Patricia you get star-‘ They heard a loud beep, and out in the darkness they saw bright lights. ‘That’s them,’ Hershel breathed. ‘They’re here. Pat, you get us set up. I’ll go and get the equipment.’

‘Of course,’ Patricia said. Her face broke into a grin, and the grin lit up her eyes. It made her look a different person to the calm, cool one Lori had been observing earlier. Her eyes caught on to Lori’s, and she said, ‘it’s all going to be fine. Your son will be fine.’

Not knowing what to say, Lori simply nodded before she helped Rick get out of the house to see Shane step out of an unfamiliar jeep. Two of Hershel’s sons were also out in the yard. Billy was helping Arnold carry a bag that must have held the equipment needed for Carl. She felt herself overcome with emotion. Billy had been the one to have taken her here, a place that would be beautiful during the day. That she had no doubt, but for now it was the place where her son’s life hung in the balance. And to see that Shane had followed through in helping Carl, and that he had more of a chance was worth more than gold to her.

But she caught onto Shane’s face, and he looked haunted. _Lost._ It took only a couple of moments before she realized he had come alone.

*

Rick was the first to approach, and he hugged Shane tightly. Shane seemed startled, but he hugged back just as fierce.

‘I knew you would come back,’ he murmured. ‘I knew you would.’

Shane only nodded at him, and Rick let go as Hershel asked the question everybody was dreading finding the answer to. ‘What happened to Otis?’

Shane looked at Hershel then, and Rick was taken aback by the look in his eyes. _He’s not the same man as he was before. I don’t think he ever was since this whole shit happened. But something terrible has happened._

It was the look more than anything that told Hershel what he needed to hear. ‘We say nothing to Patricia,’ he said in a tone that dared anybody to object. ‘I need her to save this boy. Billy, you leave that bag for Arnold to carry. He’s big enough to do it himself.’ Hershel stormed back into the house, with Arnold not far behind.

Billy looked hurt by the revelation of Otis' death, but before anybody could find the words to say to him he went into the house, leaving Rick, Shane and Lori alone in the yard.

‘What happened?’ Rick asked him as soon as he was sure Billy was in the house. ‘I don’t care what we talked about before, I know you brother. How did you get out?’

Shane took a shuddering breath, and he looked past Rick to gaze at Lori before shutting them. It seemed like eternity before he did speak. ‘They swarmed him, Rick. We got cornered in this room, and there were all these kids. I, I managed to get out. I-‘ He choked in his own sobs then and feeling his own eyes glisten with tears, Rick hugged him back.

_We will get through this. Carl will recover, me and Lori will heal and so will Shane. We’re a family, and we will bounce back from this._

‘It’s not your fault, Shane,’ Rick said. ‘You hear me? It’s not your fault. You did what you could to keep Carl alive. And Otis, he knew the risks. He caused the situation in the first place, remember? But he was a good man, he did what he could to fix it. The pair of you saved Carl, don’t you ever forget that.’ This only prompted Shane to break down crying harder, but Rick held onto him just as tightly.

From the corner of his eye, he saw Lori hesitantly approach. He let go of Shane after several moments as he calmed down.

‘I just want to say thank you,’ Lori said. ‘You’ve done a lot for my boy.’

‘And you,’ Rick pointed out. ‘You’ve done a lot for this family, Shane. I’ll never forget it.’

Shane tried to smile, but it faltered. _I can’t blame him. It sounds like what he went through back there was really rough._ It was with that thought he turned around to face the house, which seemed to be made of three stories. Not surprising, considering the amount of children Hershel has living with him. The house itself seemed to have every single light on.

Carl was in that house, and Rick knew the next couple of hours were crucial for his survival.

‘What do we do now?’ Shane asked.

‘We wait,’ Rick replied. *

Shane sat in the bench, eyes out to the field. It was darker than ever, and he studied his glass of water that a young girl with the name of Beth had passed out to him as if it was the most interesting thing in the world.

He dared not think about what was happening in the house right now. And that left him to the events of the evening ( _morning?_ ). He did not know which could have tormented him more. He sighed and drank his water.

 _You had no other choice. It was him or Carl. You choose Carl, you’ve always chosen Carl_.

He looked at Rick beside him, who was lightly dozing off. Shane did not know how he could, not with his son at such a critical stage between life and death. Yet Shane fought the temptation to yawn himself, knowing it wouldn’t even do him any good. He had not slept well since before the Atlanta camp had been attacked. He was running purely on fumes.

Looking over at Lori who was gripping tightly on the railing, Shane rang over her words again and again in his mind.

 _‘I just want to say thank you. You’ve done a lot for my boy.’_ Shane put the water down and gently lifted himself away from the bench, and joined Lori at the railing. He ignored the way she flinched when she realized he was next to her, or the piercing stare she shot his way. 

‘I just want to say I’m sorry,’ Shane said. Lori said nothing, her grip on the railing only tightened from what he saw. ‘I’ve been an arsehole, I know. I’ve hurt you a lot. And I just want to say I’m sorry. You didn’t deserve it.’ He looked at Lori then and willed her to answer. _Just talk, Lori. Make what I’ve done since this whole shit started worth it in some way._

Lori sighed, and she rubbed her shoulder. ‘Things won’t be the way they were between us,’ she said. ‘I hope you know that.’

Shane nodded. ‘I expected nothing less.’

Suddenly there was a creak, and Shane went for his pistol. _Not the shotgun, my pistol._ The thought painted Otis’ desperate struggle in his final moments to stay alive vividly, but he tried to push it away. _Always forward, never backward._

It was only Hershel who emerged from the house. His face was tired, but his eyes gleamed with hope. 'He’ll make it.’

Rick started then, and Lori let out a gasp that could only be mistaken for shock. _She didn’t think he was going to make it._

‘What’s going on?’ Rick asked. He looked at Hershel, and that was all he needed to know what he had missed out. He sighed in relief, and Shane basked in his relief. _That was too close._

‘Can we see him?’ Lori asked. Hershel nodded. ‘But he is still out cold. He won’t wake until later in the morning, I don’t think.’

Shane helped Rick get up, but it was only then that they heard a gate swing. Everybody turned around to stare, and they saw T-Dog, Glenn and Maggie approach in the pathway.

‘Rick, Lori, I’m so sorry,’ T-Dog said. He went to hug Lori tightly, before doing the same to Rick. Shane felt a flash of jealousy deep in his pit, and he frowned inwardly. _What the hell are you jealous of? Your family, not T-Dog's._

‘Is Carl okay?’ Glenn asked.

‘He’s going to be fine,’ Lori smiled. ‘Thanks to Hershel and his people,’ she indicated Maggie with a nod to her head. ‘Thanks for coming to get me, you and Billy both.’

‘It’s nothing to thank me for,’ Maggie said. ‘You had a right to know. I’m just glad your boy is okay.’

‘Not everybody is going to be okay,’ Hershel said. He looked at Maggie, and Shane willed himself to disappear from the scene that was about to play out. _Don’t break the news here. Don’t remind me, please._

‘Otis didn’t make it,’ Hershel said. ‘I’m sorry, Maggie.’

Maggie frowned; Shane could make that out in the dark. It took only a second before comprehension dawned on her, and almost instantly she started to cry. ‘What? How?’

Hershel looked at Shane, but Shane saw no distrust in those eyes like he had expected. His own snake of doubt and guilt coiled up inside him, threatening to choke the life out of him. But he was the only one at the school, he did not know why he expected the old man to have known what he had done.

‘He gave his life for Carl,’ Hershel sighed before he walked down to hug Maggie. Shane noted that Glenn seemed ready to do that himself before he saw her father approach. All the same he exhaled, relieved that he had escaped notice.

‘You said we say nothing to Patricia at the time?’ Rick asked.

‘That’s right,’ Hershel replied.

Rick gripped Lori softly on the shoulder. ‘You go see Carl, I think I’ll help Hershel break the news to her. I’ll be with you both just shortly.’ Lori nodded, and she kissed him. It was brief, but brief was enough to cause Shane to look away.

‘You want me to go with you?’ Shane asked. He did not look at the couple, rather once again focused on the surrounding fields shrouded in darkness. He saw Otis again, his expression of shock as he realized what Shane had just done to him. _I don’t want to break this to his widow, but you’ll need to. You owe him that much, at least._

‘No,’ Rick said. ‘You’ve been through enough, Shane. You get some rest.’

Shane only nodded, trying not to let the negative emotions that were swirling inside him drown his vision out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't intend to have all the Shane/Otis action just at the beginning of the chapter, but as I got down to writing I just carried on from start to finish and didn't dare split it between other sequences. This was the part I dreaded writing the most since it is just pure action basically. 
> 
> Funnily enough though it turned out to be far easier to write than the other sequences, especially the farm scenes. And for this chapter, day 68 is just after midnight so it was still a dark nighttime setting for the story.
> 
> I also wanted to end the chapter like the show with Shane shaving his hair off, but I had written far too much already. Better leave it for the next chapter. 
> 
> I hope you all enjoyed :)


	12. Day 68

Hershel took a sip of his orange juice as he looked out the front window, watching the group of people who had unexpectedly crashed into his life in a manner he had never expected.

They were all there, parking the RV and another car at a suitable distance from his house. Counting the three in Maggie’s bedroom and the one in the bathroom, he counted twelve people altogether.

_Too many._

He closed his eyes and opened them, as if he had expected all the twelve to have vanished from the mere act of shutting them. But they were still there.

Shaking his head, Hershel turned around to see Lacey standing there watching him. He almost dropped his glass in surprise, and he shot his eldest daughter a glare.

‘Are you trying to give me a heart attack?’

He could feel his nerves racing, and he had to place a hand over his chest as if he feared that he was indeed suffering a heart attack. _Imagine that?_

‘I’m sorry, sir,’ Lacey said as she gripped her hands on the couch. He could see with the way her hands whitened that something was bothering her, so he cut straight to the chase.

‘What is on your mind, Lacey?’ Hershel asked. He suddenly found himself weary, in a way he hadn’t felt in a long time. _I’ve had too many funerals for my lifetime. I wish I didn’t have to throw another one for my dear friend._ It was unfair of him, he knew. They needed to throw some sort of memorial for Otis, even if they didn’t have his body to send him to the dirt or burn his body. Patricia needed it, and Hershel would send another lost soul to the hands of God above.

_I’m just tired of losing people, that is all it is._

Lacey chewed her lip, before answering his question. ‘I’m not comfortable with this many people in the house.’

Hershel took in her words and nodded, before giving his juice another sip. Out of all his children, Hershel figured Lacey would have been the one to have shared similar thoughts to himself. No doubt Arnold and Maggie would appreciate the new company, and maybe Billy and Beth as well.

But Lacey was her father’s daughter in every way. And she had been there the day Shawn and Annette had fallen sick. She knew what was at stake if none of his other children did.

‘I’m not entirely comfortable with it either,’ he said after a pause. He could hear a soft tick, tick and did not know if it was coming from his pocket-watch or the grandfather clock. ‘But they have a boy who has just been shot,’ he continued, ‘and a girl who is missing. I cannot in the good name of the Lord turn my door on them, I’ll need to assist them in any way I can.’

Lacey let go of the couch and was upon him suddenly, fire in her eyes. ‘Yeah, I get that dad,’ she said. ‘But you remember what happened the last time we let new people in.’

Hershel narrowed his eyes. He knew what Lacey was referring to, but he decided to be obtuse. She has always toed the line of being obedient and unruly. ‘I remember we accepted Otis and Patricia here just fine,’ he said. _And what a tragedy that has turned out to be._

‘That’s different,’ Lacey said. Her arms waved which showed her upset. ‘They’ve always been family. I’ve known Otis and Pat since I was a little girl. And you know I’m not talking about them.’

Hershel sighed, and he took another drink of his juice to think of his next response. The glass was empty after his sip.

‘You know I remember quite well, Lacey. We were the only ones here,’ Hershel said. Although Rachel and Susie were upstairs, and hadn’t seen anything that would have ruined them.

He saw his son then, lying on the grass and his life bleeding out of him. The shock and horror of it all was still vivid in his memory, and he remembered yelling at Lee and Kenny to get out with their families. Kenny in particular was a face he would never forget until the day he died.

 _My own son turned into one of those monsters because of that man’s selfishness. And Lee? I knew there was something not quite right with him from the jump._  
Shaking away dark memories, he realised that Lacey was expecting an answer from him. He had no idea what to say, having not listened to her.

‘I’m sorry, dear. What are you saying?’

Lacey huffed and crossed her arms. ‘What I’m saying dad is I hope you aren’t going to shelter them. You know there is no room anywhere for them anyway. I hope they’ve brought some tents.’

‘Lacey,’ Hershel sighed and rubbed his head with the hand not holding his empty glass. ‘They aren’t going to stay here for any longer than they need to. Like I’ve said, it would be wrong of me to throw them out in their hour of need. But once that hour is up, they’re gone. You children of mine are my biggest priority in these times.’

Lacey pondered on his words and nodded, seemingly satisfied. ‘I’m sorry for springing all of this on you, dad. I’m just scared that we’re in danger.’

‘Come here,’ Hershel said. She did and he hugged her in a way he hadn’t since she was a little girl, when she had come running up to him afraid of nightmares. He pulled her back gently after moments had passed and looked at her. ‘Are you worried about the tribute?’

Lacey shook her head and sniffed. ‘No, I’ll be fine. We need to be there for Patricia and Otis both.’

Hershel nodded. ‘That’s right. Otis may be gone from this world but he is still here in our hearts. I won’t have it said that we didn’t send his soul to the Lord above. Now excuse me, Lacey. I need to check on young Carl.’

Lacey stood aside as he walked out of the sitting room, and he pretended not to notice the look she had given when he mentioned Carl’s name. _She’s right in what she says, but she needs to hide her dislikes more. She’s always been too open, Lacey has. Her and Maggie both._

He walked into the bedroom to see Rick and Lori sitting by Carl’s ( _Maggie’s_ ) bed. They had brought another chair from the dining room so Rick and Lori could both sit there. Hershel had offered Maggie his own bed to sleep what had been left from the night, but Hershel suspected that all bar the twins hadn’t slept a wink that morning.

He himself had been too busy comforting Patricia, who had sobbed endlessly at the news she had been given. Her sobs were like knives to the soul, driving a guilt into Hershel that he didn’t know he was capable of possessing over a death that had nothing to do with him.

 _I should never had him out there doing that job._ Hershel knew Otis loved to hunt, and he would do it at any opportunity no matter if it was night or day. And even if Otis had a task to do, he would still find time for hunting.

He wondered perhaps if that had been why he was out so late in the first place and had unwitting put the bullet in young Carl Grimes. He had done the task that was expected of him, and went out to indulge afterwards. 

Looking at Carl, he wouldn’t have believed the boy was so close to death the night before. He was sleeping peacefully, breathing in and out. He looked peaceful in a way he had not the other night.

‘Sorry to bother you both,’ Hershel announced his entry.

Rick and Lori turned around instantly, and the former shook his head. ‘No need to apologise, Hershel. This is your house, after all.’

Hershel nodded, knowing it was the expected response he had been given. ‘I just wanted to ask the pair of you if you were going to be joining us at Otis’ funeral?’

‘Of course,’ Lori replied instantly. She shot a glance at Carl before turning to face him. ‘He gave his life for my son. I won’t ever forget that.’

‘Me neither,’ Rick said, and the couple grasped their hand together as if to comfort one another.

Hershel felt a pang of envy stir up inside him then. There had only been two women in his life that he had been able to find a similar connection with that he could find comfort in their touch in public.

_Annette isn’t gone, not in the way Josephine is. Remember that. One day, she’ll come back to you._

‘That is good,’ Hershel said as he bowed his head. ‘I’ll leave you to it, but the service begins in an hours’ time. I would also like to have a word with you Rick, after the funeral is over. I could show you around the fields as we do so, if you would wish?’

‘Of course,’ Rick said. ‘I actually wanted to speak to you myself.’

Hershel smiled then, the first time he had since Rick had brought his son into his house. ‘Then that’s it sorted then, thank you for agreeing to see me. I’ll check on Carl after we’ve had our talk, see how he is doing.’

And just like that he slipped out the room, and his smile dropped as soon as it had arrived.

_I think I know what he wants to speak to me about, and I’m afraid the answer is no._

He had told Lacey the same thing, after all. Once the boy had recovered and they found the girl, they were no longer welcome at his house.

*

The buzz of the razor rang in the room, but for Shane it might as well have been a bird crying in the distance.

The entire room itself was shrouded in steam, in thanks to the shower he had just taken. Wiping away the mist on the mirror to see himself with one hand and holding the razor on the other, he noted with slight amusement to see the scratch Lori had marked him with in the night of their stay at the CDC.

_And to think that was the worst thing I’ve ever done until last night._

Shaking his thoughts away as if afraid those memories would come flooding back up, Shane got to work as he shaved his hair off with his razor. Fistful’s worth of hair fell into the sick and on the floor, but he kept moving the razor back and forth, back and forth until there was no hair left.

His task complete, he looked himself in the mirror. The condensation in the room was starting to clear up, so he could see himself clearer now.

He wished he could say that he didn’t recognize himself, that it was a complete stranger looking back at him in the mirror.

But it was still Shane who looked back at him, Shane sans hair.

Sighing, Shane turned the electric razor off. _I don’t feel any different at all._

He had tried to get to sleep, in the couple of hours that had been before the sun rose and the night gave away to light. It had been no good. All he could see was the school, and the pale little girl and the boy missing his arm, and…

_Otis._

Revulsion shivered through him then, and despite the heat of the shower he had just taken he felt the coldest he had been in a while. He rubbed his eyes, and the thought that once again he had stayed awake for a full night was not lost on him.

Throwing some clothes on, he went to open the door and saw that Billy was waiting outside in the hallway.

‘Hey man, you done in there?’ Billy asked. He made no sign of recognition about Shane’s loss of hair.

‘Yeah, knock yourself out,’ Shane said as he went to walk downstairs. He did not know where he intended to go at that particular moment, only that he needed to find something to keep him busy.

‘Hey,’ Billy cut through that motion and Shane turned around to see the boy.

_Because that’s all he is. He doesn’t look old enough to shave by himself, never mind drive._

Billy fidgeted with his hands under Shane’s stare, but he pressed on. Shane noted that his eyes were swollen red. ‘Did Otis say anything? When you were at the school, I mean. Any last words?’

Shane closed his eyes.

_Thanks, I did-_

He opened them again, and saw that Billy was eagerly awaiting on a response if the way his feet tapping against the floor was an indicator.

‘Not that I remember, kid,’ Shane said. ‘I can’t remember his exact final words, I mean. But he was brave at the school.’ To his horror, he felt a lump in his throat. He pushed that emotion away as hard as he could. ‘He was willing to do whatever it took to save Carl. We both were.’

Billy nodded and exhaled in shaky breaths. ‘Thanks, Shane. I loved Otis, you know? Dad doesn’t have any brothers, but Otis always felt like a cool uncle to me. He was always around.’

Not knowing what to say, Shane just looked at Billy under the latter grew crimson and ducked into the bathroom, locking the door behind him.

Sighing, Shane walked down the stairs and almost barged into Rick and Lori.

‘Sorry man, I should watch where I’m going,’ Shane chuckled. The chuckle sounded forced even to him, but Shane felt he needed to fake it to make it. _I just want to forget all about last night, why won’t anybody let me?_

‘It’s okay,’ Rick told him, all sincerity in his eyes. Shane felt an odd temptation to shake Rick and demand for him to tell him that it wasn’t okay, and seeing Lori from the corner of his eye made him understand her in a way he hadn’t before the apocalypse when the couple were supposedly having marriage problems.  
_I need to get a grip._ 'Why did you shave your hair off?' 

Shane chuckled slightly. 'I needed a fresh start, I guess. New hairdo, new me. Shit like that.' He felt desperation stangle him by the neck like a loose. _Stop asking me so many useless questions._ ‘Where are you guys going anyway?’ Shane continued. He was eager to get the conversation going somewhere else, into familiar territory. ‘I figured you would have been by Carl’s side all day until he woke up.’

‘We’re going to see the rest of the group, tell them that he’s fine,’ Rick said. ‘And supposedly Hershel is arranging a funeral for Otis.’

Shane blinked, and he felt overwhelmed by sheer panic as the words sunk in.

_A funeral for Otis? Might as well just confess what really happened, keep the whole day about fucking Otis._

‘We’d understand if you didn’t want to come,’ Rick said, gently now. ‘But we figured me and Lori needed to, he helped save our boy’s life.’

‘He put your boy’s life in danger too,’ Shane pointed out. ‘If it wasn’t for him shooting him in the first place, none of this would have happened.’

There was a silence, the kind of silence that could only be caused if one were to speak unspoken truths. Shane had never had a problem doing that sort of talking. _Fuck, Walsh. Just pack your shit and get out of here. Where’s that energy you had when you spoke to Rick the other day there about leaving?_

‘That’s right, but all the same he still gave his life for him too,’ Rick said. ‘I know you’re hurting Shane, even if you don’t like to admit it. You can sit this one out.’

‘No,’ Shane said firmly. ‘Me and Otis, we went through something terrible together. I need to be there for him, even if he was the reason why we were there in the first place.

‘I understand,’ Rick said. ‘Listen, why don’t you go and visit Carl. I’ll come with you. Are you okay going to Dale and the rest yourself, Lori?’

Lori looked at Shane briefly, and Shane remembered her words in the early hours of the morning.

_‘Things won’t be the way they were between us. I hope you know that.’_

‘That’s fine by me,’ she said. And she kissed Rick on the cheek before opening the front door and leaving as if she had never been there. Shane tried to ignore the flash of jealousy that crossed his heart as he and Rick went back to the room Carl was resting in.

_I can try and do what she wants, but I’ll never be able to not feel anything for her. And I think sooner or later it’s going to be impossible to deal with._

All thoughts of Lori went out the window the moment he stepped into the bedroom, and came across the boy who he had murdered for.

Carl was fast asleep, pale as a sheet and most important of all, breathing. Shane felt his knees jerk, and even though the man next to him had more reason to feel weak around the knees, it was Rick who helped support him down the chair.

‘He still hasn’t woke yet, huh?’ Shane asked.

Rick shook his head. ‘No. Hershel thinks he will later in the day, that it’s nothing to worry about. But I know Lori is driving herself up the wall waiting for it to happen, and I am too. I think seeing him awake is when we’ll know he is going to be okay.’

Shane only nodded, agreeing with every word that Rick had said. _You are going to be okay, Carl. You’re safe now. I’ll do anything for you, I meant that from the day you were born.’_

‘I want you to stay.’

Shane turned around, puzzled. Rick was looking at him and not Carl, hands folded.

‘About what you talked about before we found Carl,’ Rick clarified. ‘You were thinking of leaving, and that you didn’t think we were as close we used to be. But what you did last night, I want you to stay. I don’t know why you felt the way you did, but you’ll always be my brother Shane. I need you now more than ever.’

Shane felt the beginning of tears once again, but he did his best to make sure they did not come. _Thank you, Rick._

‘I’ll stay,’ he said. He looked at Carl briefly, and reached out to clasp his hand. ‘I’ll stay for him, too.’

He did not add Lori's name, but he meant her too.

*

Patricia almost faltered as she cast the first stone.

To pay tribute to Otis; as his body was not there to be buried, the whole group would place rocks and stones underneath his favorite tree. The tree itself was towering above them all, its shadows hiding them from the brilliant light of the sun.

It was underneath that tree where he had played guitar to her for when they were younger, just a young couple of farmworkers who had been offered the chance to assist Hershel and his then wife Josephine to help run their farm as they had just had their first new born baby.

It was also underneath this tree when they had shared their first kiss.

Sighing, Patricia turned to join the circle that surrounded the rocks. She smiled briefly at Beth who held out her hand, and she grabbed onto it for strength and love to help support her through the ceremony.

_I can be strong. I will be strong. Otis always loved that about me, that I could endure and still wake up with a smile on my face._

At least, that is what he told her over the years. Patricia had never believed it. She endured the obstacles life threw her along her way, sure. Who else didn’t have problems in their life? But she saw no reason to complain about it, only bottle up all the negative feelings and express the positive ones for the people that she loved.

Now she felt like that bottle was about to break, and she let go of Beth’s hand when she feared she might squeeze too tightly. _I’ll hate to see what happens when the bottle does break. I don’t want anybody to see me in such a state._

One by one, each member of the group picked up a rock or a stone and placed it underneath the tree. There would be nineteen rocks placed upon the several that had been gathered there this morning by some of the men, to make it a towering monument to a man who loved nothing more than to play silly songs to his wife of twenty six years, be a volunteer at any charity organization that would have him and be the best friend a friend can be.

She felt tears glisten then, and Maggie to her right rubbed her back softly.

She observed the man who had been with Otis as he placed the last rock on the tribute. He had shaved his hair, she noted. He had not been bald when he had come to the farm the other night.

_Say something, anything! This is Otis’ funeral, it should be about him._

So she did.

‘Wait,’ she said. The man ( _Shane is his name. It’s Shane_ ) looked at her, his eyes wide at being called out before he had the chance to go back to the circle.

‘You were with him,’ she said. She felt her voice crack but she kept on anyway. _Otis told me I was brave. I’ll be brave for him, it’s the least I can do._ ‘You were with him when he died. You knew what he was thinking when he died. I need to hear it from you what he was thinking.’

The tears blurred her vision now in a way she couldn’t make out Shane, but she felt and heard both Maggie and Beth comforting her with soft hugs and whispers.

Her eyes clear, she saw Billy shift a little as Shane’s eyes gazed upon him.

Shane himself looked like he had been caught in a trap, his mouth opening and closing. She did not feel guilt in placing him on the spot. She only wanted to know more about Otis in his final moments. _I knew everything about him. Everything bar his death. I need to know how it ended for him._

Shane finally spoke after what felt like an agonizing eternity.

‘He died a hero,’ he said. He did not flinch or blush when everybody, including his own group looked at him. She saw the father of the two children hold them close, and Rick also held onto his wife. ‘All he wanted to do was save Carl.’

Shane turned back to the rocks then, and he seemed unsure of what he wanted to say next. Patricia closed her eyes. _I guess that’s enough, but I will need to find out more. I can’t leave it like that._

Surprisingly, Shane continued on and answered what she wanted to hear.

‘We were trapped, you see? We had ran right into this classroom. We had the equipment to save Carl, but there must have been at least a hundred of them right behind us. I managed to get out of the classroom, but Otis-.’

Shane sighed and bent down to touch the rocks. He was not looking at any of them, but his voice rang loud and clear amidst the circle. ‘Otis was brave. He had placed himself against the door to break them from breaking in. He thought, I thought that he would have been able to escape with me. But the door broke down just from the sheer weight of them, and that was that.’

Letting go of the rocks, Shane looked into her eyes. There was pain there, Patricia noticed. But it was nothing compared to the pain shuddering through her like a relentless wave.

_I’m sorry, Otis. I’m so sorry you didn’t get to see that we saved Carl. And I’m sorry we won’t get to spend the rest of our lives together and grow old together._

‘Thank you,’ she whispered. Shane nodded before joining the circle.

It was Hershel’s turn to speak now, reading out passages from the bible he had brought out with him. Patricia listened to every word, but she like Shane couldn’t break her gaze away from the rocks and stone that paid tribute to a man who had given his life to save a little boy.

_My Otis. My hero._

*

‘We need to figure out how we are going to start looking for Sophia.’

The words left his lips as he looked at every member of the group, all of them crowded around Carol’s car and Shane’s new jeep as they observed the map Hershel had given to Carol that morning.

Carol had been fidgeting nervously throughout the entirety of Otis’ funeral, Rick knew and he couldn’t blame her. _If it was Carl, I would be right out there in those woods myself looking for her._ Morales and Lori weren’t there, both of them tending to their own kids. Everybody ese was just looking at him expectedly, wondering what they were going to do and awaiting Rick’s instructions.

The thought made him frown. _I don’t want to make these decisions by myself, though. This is a lost girl, any new ideas are welcome to the table._

Another voice spoke up to counterattack the first thought. _You were a cop, Rick. Treat it like you would any other cop case._

Seeing that nobody was going to say anything, Rick carried on.

‘I say we should each explore different sections of those woods. I’ve marked Hershel’s house, and that’s the highway. It’s from the west of here.’

He pointed it out, and everybody studied the map.

‘I say we should split into different teams. Two partners, and each team has their own different dish rag,’ Rick said. ‘The purpose of the rag is to mark which section you’ve covered. Just nail it to a tree so we can see if the area has been searched. I think that way, we can cover as much ground as possible.’

‘Sounds good to me,’ T-Dog said. ‘You got any ideas of which teams we should split up into?’

Rick shook his head. ‘I actually have to talk to Hershel about something first.’ He tried to ignore the look on Carol’s face as she processed those words. _I did not mean to make that sound as bad as it does._ Hoping to salvage the situation, he quickly continued. ‘I’ll join later on of course. But regarding the teams, it’s really up to each one of you.’

‘Can we join?’

He turned around, and saw it was Arnold who spoke. Behind him were Maggie, Billy and Beth. Rick cursed at himself for being caught unawares as he was by the Greene siblings.

‘It’s really up to your father, Arnold,’ Rick said. At least he thought it was Arnold. He knew Maggie and Billy from sight, but Hershel had far too many children running around to have become familiar with their names so far. ‘But I don’t think he’ll allow you two.’

He indicated Billy and Beth. Billy scoffed and Beth merely nodded, but Arnold stood his ground. ‘It’s really up to them, I think. Although I’m not the biggest fan of Beth wanting to come too.’

‘And why not?’ Beth asked. ‘Billy is older a year older than me, you know.’

Before Rick could get involved in a family domestic, something that he was desperately embarrassed by, he saw his savior walking towards the meeting.

‘Billy, Beth,’ Hershel said in a chiding tone. ‘What is this all about?’

Brother and sister quietened, and Arnold spoke up for them. ‘We were just wondering if we could go out and search for this girl, pa. Rick here said if it was okay by you.’

 _Shit, looks like I’m getting dragged into it anyway._ He did not like the way Hershel looked at him then, a slight frown forming.

‘Only if it is okay with you, that is,’ Rick said. He could save what little dignity he had left. ‘I wouldn’t do anything without your permission. Although I have to agree with what Arnold was saying before you arrived, Billy and Beth here might be a little too young for the venturing.’

From the way Hershel’s face softened, Rick knew he had pleased him. _You’ve still got it, Grimes._

‘My kids know better than to do things behind my back,’ Hershel shot a glare at all four of his children. ‘But Arnold and Maggie are indeed old enough to make their own decisions. Maggie has made several runs into the nearest town with Arnold and Otis already, as matter of fact.’

‘Really?’ Rick asked. He thought then, looking at the map. ‘How far away is this town?’

‘About a twenty minute drive, but I usually take horses,’ Maggie replied. ‘It’s clear from all the sick. People just up and abandoned that town when the National Guard sent out evacuation notices, at least that is what I think anyway. Judging by the signs,’ she added.

Rick nodded, his mind whirling with new possibilities. _It’s a long shot, but maybe Sophia got there._ ‘Would you mind checking this town out, with one of our people?’ He asked her. ‘I have a feeling Sophia might have made it there, and I think she would be more welcome to you if you brought somebody familiar to her with you.’

‘Yeah, sure thing,’ Maggie said. ‘I think we need some supplies anyway, we ran through most of the medical ones last night.’

Before Rick could ask for a volunteer, Glenn jumped in. ‘I can go with you, if it’s okay with you.’ Rick noted with amusement that Glenn seemed to once again have the beginnings of a blush that threatened to turn his whole face crimson. _He always gets like this when everybody is watching him, but he is the most bravest man I know._

‘Then it’s a date,’ Maggie smiled at him, and the threat of a blush turned to reality.

Hershel brought the attention back to himself. ‘I need to talk to you, Rick. Like we discussed?’

Rick nodded. ‘Yeah, that’s right. Just, sort your own teams out everybody and discuss among yourselves what sections you are going to cover. Mark it on the map so I can check out the uncharted territories.’

The group left them then, chattering amongst themselves as they made to make their plans. Hershel didn’t join Rick straight away however, instead turning to his younger children.

‘I don’t want you joining in on this search,’ Hershel said. ‘You are far too young to do such a thing, so don’t think about it.’

Beth sighed but she was obedient in her answer. ‘Yes, daddy.’

Billy was less so. ‘But why does Maggie get to go? She’s barely older than me?’

Hershel raised his eyebrows. ‘She’s twenty-two, therefore she is an adult. You are only sixteen, a teenager still. Don’t forget it, boy.’

Billy wasn’t willing to let go of the subject however, and Rick looked around so he could not be party to the argument that was brewing. ‘But you saw what happened here with Shawn. And Mom too,’ his voice dipped at that. ‘It can get just as dangerous here as it can out there.’

Hershel’s voice turned cold. ‘Get to your house, Billy. I won’t argue with you anymore over this. Go!’

Billy stormed off. Beth seemed as embarrassed as Rick felt and followed after him. That left Rick and Hershel alone. Rick saw that the group were already splitting into their separate pairs.

‘I’m sorry about that,’ Hershel said, and indicated Rick to walk with him. The sun was out in full shine today and being out in the middle of the fields with that shine hanging over him with a clear blue sky made Rick look forward to the little tour they were about to embark on.

Not so much that Rick didn’t forget how much depended on it. _I need to convince him. I hope I can convince him._

‘It’s no worries,’ Rick said. ‘All kids can be the same.’

Hershel laughed. ‘Your son is only eight, nine? Trust me, Rick. That’s nothing compared to when they get to that age. Trust me, I know. I’ve raised eight of them.’

They walked in silence then, taking in the air and the scenery. At day the farm looked majestic. All other words failed to describe the beauty of it. The creek of the windmill, the large barn down the hill; all of it added to the charm.

And the sheer openness of the fields. And how hidden away it really was, from the rest of the world.

_I think this is the most at peace I’ve been since I woke up to this nightmare._

‘This place looks untouched,’ Rick said. ‘I don’t think I’ve been to a place yet that hasn’t looked like it’s been touched by the walkers.’

Hershel grimaced. ‘I wish you wouldn’t call them that. Walkers, I mean. And you would be wrong.’

Rick frowned. _Best not push it, you need to get on the right terms with him._ ‘I take it you’ve had trouble then?’

Hershel sighed and rubbed the back of his head, a habit he had been meaning to break for years now. ‘Yeah, we did at the start. My eldest boy, Shawn. He was attacked by those things, they made him sick.’ He shook his head, clearly remembering the ugly memory. ‘He attacked his step-mother, my Annette just afterwards. It was brutal.’

‘My god,’ Rick said. ‘I’m so sorry, Hershel. I had no idea.’

Hershel smiled. It was a bitter one. ‘No need to be sorry, you had no idea. It was what me and Billy were arguing about We’ve had a couple of stragglers since, but nothing we couldn’t handle. Otis was always the one that dealt with that. I guess me and Arnold will have to pick up the mantle now.’

_That’s your opening, then. Take it._

‘It doesn’t have to be,’ Rick said. He felt like slime for being manipulative as this, he preferred to play the straight cop. But he knew that different cases called for different measures, and this was one of those cases. ‘We could stay here and help out, earn our keep.’

Hershel continued to smile, but it was one that seemed less bitter and more forced. ‘I had a feeling you were going to approach me about this. And it’s what I wanted to talk to you about.’

Rick felt his heart sink. ‘You don’t want us here then?’

Hershel shook his head. ‘It’s not like I’m going to kick you all out, especially with your son recovering and all of you are looking for that little girl. I have no qualms about waiting until Carl can walk again and you find the girl. But I have a family to look out for, Rick. I need to put all my heart and energy into them, I can’t afford to look out for more people.’

A wave of desperation overrode Rick. ‘Please, Hershel. I’m begging you. Can’t you at least reconsider? We’ve lost people, too many people just getting here. This place seems hidden from the rest of the world at least. We can’t afford to go out there into danger again.’

Hershel slowed to a stop, and Rick stopped himself to await his response. ‘Rick, I know it’s dangerous out there. But my answer still stands. No means no. I’d appreciate it if you try not to push the matter.’ He walked off then, and Rick watched his retreating figure as he went back to the house. He knew the warning he had been given, but he could not resist one more attempt.

‘You don’t know.’

Hershel turned around; his eyes full of surprise that he was still being questioned about matters he considered done. ‘Excuse me?’

Rick swallowed. ‘You don’t know what it’s like out there. I don’t know when the last time you were out there, but Atlanta is done. It’s completely overrun. We were at the CDC, and that is gone now too. But the scientist there, he told us this whole world is overrun. And also,’ he exhaled to remain in control, ‘we’re all infected, Hershel. Once we die, we come back at those things. We don’t have to be bitten to turn, we can just die from anything and we come back.’

_There. It’s out there now. Hershel needed to know this, even if I still can’t grasp my own mind over it._

Rick found it hard to find out what Hershel thought of the news he had just been given; it felt as if the older man was analyzing him under a microscope. Finally, he replied. ‘I don’t believe that. That you turn when we die, I mean. I can’t believe that. It’s impossible.’

‘But it is,’ Rick blurted out. ‘Hershel, I didn’t want to believe it either. Trust me, I still don’t. And we still haven’t come across a walker who might have just died instead of just being bitten. But I believe him, and I don’t think there is any coming back from it. As far as we’ve seen, every form of government has absolutely failed to protect us. There’s nobody else, and we are about to try and check Fort Benning. It’s going to be dangerous, and I’m just so tired. I don’t think it will be worth the trip. I just want my wife and son to be safe, it’s all I ask for. And I believe this place will be perfect for them.’

Hershel continued to stare at him in the way he had, which made Rick feel irritated. _This man is probably the most stubborn I’ve ever met._

‘We’ll bounce back,’ Hershel said. ‘We always do, mankind always has throughout the years. This plague won’t be any different. And there is salvation for those who have fallen victim to the sickness, I refuse to believe otherwise.’

He turned around again and started to head back to his house. Rick could only watch helplessly, feeling like an absolute failure.

_We can’t go back out there. We just can’t._

What came next surprised him deeply. Without turning around, Hershel said loud and clear, ‘I will consider allowing you to stay. But I’ll consider, I’m not giving you my word.’

Rick was left in the field, basking in the warmth of both the sun and his sudden feeling of hope.

*

‘Do you think it’s enough?’ Carol asked.

T-Dog turned to look at her after pushing past leaves and twigs that were in his face. Both Carol and T-Dog had partnered up in the search for Sophia, and he believed they were in the south east section of the woods.

‘What do I think is enough?’ T-Dog asked back, his eyes and ears alert for any possible danger. Or for Sophia. _Damn it, we need to find her soon._

‘What we’re doing,’ Carol said. ‘I feel uneasy just leaving the highway like we have.’

Before they had packed up for good to head to the Greene farm, T-Dog had come up with a plan to spray-paint a message and leave out bottles of water and tinned biscuits for Sophia that morning, in case she turned up alone and didn’t find the group there.

_Poor girl has been through enough without thinking we’ve all abandoned her._

‘I think we’re doing the best we can,’ T-Dog replied. He knew he had to be careful since it was the girl’s mother he was talking with. ‘And I think the best we can do is going to be able to find Sophia and bring her back to you.’

‘I wish I can believe that,’ Carol said. ‘I really do, T-Dog. And don’t get me wrong, I appreciate everything you have done for me so far in trying to find her. But I didn’t like the way Rick had other things to focus on instead of my girl.’

_Ah. This is what it’s about._

‘Look, Carol,’ T-Dog drew to a stop and Carol did too. ‘I trust Rick to find her. You have to have a little more trust and faith in him. I didn’t at first, I must admit. I don’t trust cops, especially-,’ his voice broke then. He didn’t know if he could go.

Carol implored him with her eyes alone.

_Fuck it, I guess it wouldn’t hurt to tell her of all people this. She’s been let down by people that should have protected her too._

‘Especially after they let my sister down,’ T-Dog continued. ‘Her name was Veronica, and she was only sixteen when she was raped and killed. And her killers got away with it.’ He shut his eyes, the memory still too raw for him.

_It should never have happened. I should have been there for her, always._

‘Oh my god, T-Dog. I’m so sorry,’ Carol said. She reached out to touch his shoulder for support, but T-Dog gently pushed her hand away.

‘No need,’ he told her. ‘It’s not your fault. But what I’m saying is I couldn’t trust the police after that, I couldn’t really before either but that just confirmed it for me. So I didn’t really like or trust Rick when I first saw him, but he helped get us out of Atlanta that first time we were there. He helped me save Glenn when we thought he was kidnapped, and he saved me at the retirement home. He’s a good man, and I think he tries his best.’

Carol took in his words, then nodded slowly. ‘I hope you’re right,’ she said. ‘I don’t doubt he is a good man, in fact I think he is. I just want everybody to take this seriously. It’s my girl out there, I don’t want her to feel like we’ve abandoned her.’

T-Dog noted this was the most he had ever heard Carol speak. _And it hasn’t been that long since the camp attack either, Ed really had this woman bound to be meek and obedient._

He winced. Even now, he still could not forget about Merle or Daryl and the role he played in hurting them.

‘We all are,’ T-Dog told her. ‘And best believe I’m going to do everything I can to find her.’

Carol smiled. ‘Thank you.’

‘Don’t mention it,’ T-Dog said with a smile of his own before the pair continued to search for Sophia. They kept on walking past the overgrown greenery of the forest, listening out for a little girl and only getting the calls of nature such as birds singing the crickets.

Lost in his task, T-Dog saw the edge that Carol was about to step over.

‘Don’t,’ he hissed as he grabbed onto her shoulder tightly and pulled her back. Carol yelped in pain, but it would have been nothing compared to if she had actually stepped over.

‘Sorry,’ T-Dog said as he took a cautious step forward to look below the edge. A steep hill with rocks at the bottom and a lake nearby, T-Dog knew if Carol had fallen she would most likely have bashed her head against the rocks if the shock of the fall hadn’t killed her.

‘Thank you,’ she said as she fussed over her cardigan. ‘I should watch where I’m going.’

‘You should,’ T-Dog agreed. ‘But in this case I don’t think you could be blamed. The trees and bushes, they’re grown enough around here that it’s hard to see through it all.’

Carol only nodded before shivering, as if her body had just caught up to how close she had come to making possibly the last mistake in her life. ‘I hope Sophia didn’t come here.’

‘I don’t think she did,’ T-Dog said as he took a look at the rocks. ‘I know it’s not something you want to hear, but if she had I think she would have fallen. And there’s nobody down there.’

‘No,’ Carol said. ‘I need to hear any possibility, even if it one I don’t like. So thank you, I mean it. I’m glad you think she didn’t come around here.’

‘No problem,’ T-Dog said as the pair of them turned away from the edge and continued their task elsewhere. _You are definitely not the woman you were at camp, and I don’t think you know it yet._ He recalled a moment back at the camp, when he watched from afar when she had dug a pickaxe into her husband's head to prevent his reanimation and had let out her rage and fury over the years of suffering he had put her through,

They settled into silence, but it was a comfortable silence as they continued their search. T-Dog found his mind drifting from observing the changes in Carol sans Ed to what had been tugging away in his mind like a rope from the night before.

_There’s something strange about that farm. I mean, not the farm itself obviously. But the family. I can’t quite put my finger to it._

He had noticed the look in Maggie’s face when they had dispatched the walkers the other day, and for some reason he couldn’t place it had bothered him more than he could say. _It’s probably nothing. Their farm is completely untouched, they haven’t had to deal with all the carnage in the city like we did. That was probably the first time she had to deal with something like that._

‘What’s wrong?’ Carol asked. He had been frowning, he realized. It was a habit his mother had pointed out often and loudly whenever he was caught up in a particular subject.

‘It’s nothing,’ T-Dog said. ‘Just thinking what our next move will be after we find Sophia.’

‘You think Hershel might allow us to stay at the farm, if only for a while?’ Carol asked. ‘This place is beautiful. I would love for Sophia to play around in the big fields. And I don’t really want to go to Fort Benning, just getting out of Atlanta was bad enough.’

_I don’t want to either. But until I find out what the deal is with this family, I won’t feel easy being around here._

‘I hope so,’ T-Dog said. ‘I’ll speak to Rick about it tonight, see if he has thought about it.’

_And I’ll tell him about what I think about this family too. I wonder if he has caught anything weird about them, too._

*

They had ridden on horseback to the town, and for Glenn it had not been an easy job.

‘You’re too nervous,’ Maggie chided him gently. ‘Horses can sense that.’

Glenn laughed as if to show that he wasn’t nervous, but the pitch in his laughter betrayed his nerves and he gave it up as a done job. ‘Yeah, I am,’ he admitted.

‘We’re here anyway,’ Maggie said. ‘Let’s get down from Nelly and George and just walk them from here, it’ll only be a five minute walk.’

‘Good idea.’

It had been a difficult job getting up the horse, and an even harder one getting down. But with Maggie’s assistance, he was able to plant his two feet on the ground. _Shit, how is she such a natural at this? And what possessed Rick to ride a horse all the way to Atlanta as well?_

Shaking his head, Glenn took in the town. James’ Lot was the name, and it was rather run of the mill. Restaurants, coffee shops, clothing stores, houses, bars; James’ Lot had, pardon the pun, the whole lot of what you could need.

It was also very much abandoned, and out of place were the National Guard warnings posted in billboards that had been planted in the middle of the roads:

**EVACUATION A MUST: PACK WHAT YOU NEED (ESSENTIALS ONLY!) AND STATE YOUR NAME TO SERGAENT MCMAHON TO SECURE YOUR PLACE IN THE BUSES. BUSES LEAVE AT 18:00 HOURS.**

‘Did they ever ask you to leave?’ Glenn asked. He had been surprised by the billboards, given that Atlanta had been far less organized in all the chaos that had erupted before the bombs fell upon the city. Maggie shook her head. ‘We’re out of the way well enough that they never bothered daddy. I wasn’t here when they were here, but that’s what he told me when I did get home.’

‘Right,’ Glenn said before they settled into a silence. It was a habit he didn’t want picking up however; the silence between them. _You’ve just got to man up, Rhee. You can’t live your whole life in fear._

It was not fear for himself he found. It was fear for Maggie, he worried his unlucky streak would touch her too.

‘So where is this pharmacy?’ He asked. _I sound so fucking stupid._

‘There,’ Maggie pointed and Glenn saw the pharmacy up ahead. He nodded, gently coaxing his horse along with the lasso. Maggie held hers, and as they reached the pharmacy they tied the horses up to a lamppost.

‘There,’ Maggie said. ‘Now they won’t run off while we go inside.’

‘You know what you are looking for?’ Glenn asked. Seeing the way Maggie looked at him, he winced. ‘Sorry, I’ve just heard how that sounded. I didn’t mean to offend.’

Maggie shook her head. ‘You are too nervous, Glenn. You didn’t offend me. Believe me, you would know if you did.’

Blushing, Glenn followed her into the pharmacy. What struck Glenn immediately were the shelves. Unlike Atlanta and the shops that city had, they were still more or less full with only a few items missing. The only similarity was the dust gathering on the countertops and the cobwebs up in the ceiling.

‘This place is completely untouched,’ Glenn said.

‘You sound amazed,’ Maggie pointed out. 

He shrugged his shoulders. ‘I guess I am. I never got as lucky back in Atlanta when I scavenged, I had to scour every corner of the room sometimes just to find something.’

‘Just you?’ Maggie asked, her eyebrows raised. ‘Nobody else come with you?’

‘No,’ Glenn said. ‘Just me. The one time I did go with a group, it ended in disaster.’ He thought back to the ruins of Merle’s corpse, and the revenge that Daryl had brought down hard on the group like a judge’s hammer. _And you cost Amy her life. I don’t care what Andrea says, you were at fault for it._

If Maggie had noticed a change in his mood, she didn’t mention it. ‘That doesn’t sound fair to me, you doing all the work.’

‘What do you mean?’ Glenn asked. He passed to observe some items from a rack, unsure of which ones were on Maggie’s lists to take back to the farm.

‘You risked your life going into the city, I take it?’ Maggie asked. As Glenn nodded, she continued. ‘Somebody should have come with you to do it. I always come here with Arnold or Otis,’ her voice broke at the mention of the latter, but she continued on. ‘What I’m getting at is that it doesn’t sound fair you did that all by yourself.’

‘I volunteered,’ Glenn protested. _It wasn’t like that, not in the way she says._ ‘Besides, I was the best at it anyway.’

‘If you say so,’ Maggie said before she studied the racks and her list, looking to see what she needed.

Glenn asked her what they needed, and as she listed out the contents of the list, he looked out for them himself. It was not long before they had gotten everything on the list. He had been determined not to think about what she had said, and failed for every second of every minute that had passed in that pharmacy.

‘What now?’ Glenn asked. ‘Should we explore the rest of the town, look for Sophia.’

Maggie shook her head. ‘We should walk the streets and call out for her, but most of these places are shut down. All the owners expected to come back, after all.’

‘How come this one wasn’t?’

Maggie pointed at a sign that was laying facedown on the window still. Glenn went over to pick it up by its side, and a small smile spread across his face when he read the message.

**_TAKE WHAT YOU NEED AND LEAVE THE REST FOR OTHERS. GOD BLESS._ **

‘Why is it lying down?’ Glenn asked. ‘Nobody could see this from the outside. I didn’t.’

Maggie hesitated. ‘I love my brother, Glenn. But Arnold can be selfish in a way over stuff like this. My dad too, even if he does consider himself a man of the cloth,’ at this Maggie rolled her eyes. ‘Besides, it’s not like that sign could stop anybody from just coming in and taking whatever they wanted anyway. Like you said, you found your stores empty back in Atlanta.’

‘Well,’ Glenn said as he placed the sign up in a way that outsiders could see, ‘if you would like we could make these runs to the town all the time. Just us. That way your brother doesn’t put the sign down anymore, and we could keep offering assistance to others in our own way.’

He thought of Guillermo then, and his group and what they were doing to run the retirement home and look after good people like Holly. Which is why he did not see the burning determination in Maggie’s eyes before she reached out and kissed him.

_What the fu-_

All conscious thought left his mind as he kissed back, and it was sweet. It was more than sweet, it was roses and the best perfume mixing in to explode in the best possible way.

He let go then after the kiss was over. 'What was that ab-?' 

'Shh,' Maggie whispered. She kissed him again, and looked him in the eyes. 'Don't ask or I'll change my mind.' 

He did not dare to question what happened, only that he let it happen. All thoughts about Guillermo, Holly and Amy left his mind for the first time since he left Atlanta. 

*

‘Are you wanting a glass of water, Lori?’

‘Yes, thank you,’ Lori shot Morales a small smile as she sat by Carl’s side. ‘He should be up any moment now, I don’t want to miss him.’

‘I’ll go and get a glass then,’ Morales said. ‘I just wanted to say as well, Eliza has been asking for him. Louis too.’ Louis had done no such thing, but Morales did not want anybody thinking badly of his son.

_He’s too consumed with what happened to his mother, that’s all. He can’t process all this death and tragedy we keep experiencing, that’s all there is to it._

‘That’s nice of them,’ Lori said. She rubbed her eyes. ‘I’d have thought the group would have come back by now too.’

‘They’re actually here already, just outside the now. The family are serving us dinner the now, actually,’ Morales explained. Seeing Lori about to ask a question, he shook his head softly. ‘None of them found Sophia.’

Sighing, Lori turned to face Carl. ‘I don’t know how I’m going to explain this to him. I really don’t.’

And he heard the unspoken sentence too. _That could have been my child._ Morales sympathized, all the more so for Carl having actually been shot too and near death. _If anything happened to like Louis and Eliza like what’s happened to those poor kids, I don’t think I could keep on going._

‘I wish you luck,’ Morales said gently. ‘Now I’m going to get you that glass of water.’

‘Thank you,’ Lori said, her eyes never leaving Carl.

As Morales passed Rachel and Susie in the sitting room and entered the kitchen to get the glass, he saw Patricia and Beth beginning to set up the meal for everybody. He was surprised at Patricia in particular, who was currently turning stirring a pot filled with mashed potatoes. 

_How can she keep on after the funeral today?_

Patricia turned around to face him. Her eyes were rimmed red, it was clear as crystal that she had been crying. But for the most part, she had gathered herself together and was not willing to be dragged down by her mourning for her late husband.

_He knew what somebody else would have said in his position. Are you sure you’re ready to make a meal for everybody, dear? Today of all days? Just take a seat dear, you’ve earned a rest._

Instead, he asked, ‘what’s for dinner?' 

Patricia’s eyes lit up, grateful for not having been asked what she feared he would say. ‘Roast beef and pork sausages, with mashed potatoes and a dash of side vegetables. It’ll be hard to get the kids to eat the last, I know.’

_She’s like me, the way I have been since Miranda. There’s no point moping about it, as much as I miss Miranda. We have to keep going on, in whatever way we can._

‘That sounds lovely,’ he told her politely. ‘Is it okay if I can get a glass of water?’

‘Sure,’ Patricia turned away from the pot before pouring water into the glass before he took it from her. ‘Thanks,’ he nodded at her. He hesitated only for a moment, wondering if he should tell her he was sorry for her loss.

_No, don’t ruin it. She needs her space, and she doesn’t need reminding._

He left the kitchen, thoughts spun on what he was to do with Louis and Eliza, and also wondering if Patricia was dealing with Otis' death in the same way he had been with Miranda's.

*

Lori tightened her hand around Carl’s as he took in his surroundings. ‘Where am I?’ He asked.

She could have broken down in tears there and then. _My god, he’s up. He’s up!_

‘You’re at a farm, son,’ Rick told her at his side. ‘You were shot, and this family who lives here helped you recover. We were really worried about you.’

Carl blinked rapidly, and it hurt Lori’s heart to see him wince slightly as he went up to move.

‘Don’t, son,’ Lori said as she gently eased him down. ‘Don’t move right now, I imagine it’s quite painful for you.’ _I’m just so happy you are awake. We’re out of the woods now, we got out of that nightmare. Just take one step at a time._

Carl nodded. ‘I’m sorry for running off.’

‘Don’t be,’ Lori shook her head, the tears finally coming now. She went over and kissed him on the forehead. ‘Just never do it again, take this as a lesson of what can happen if you do.’

‘I know,’ Carl sighed as Rick gave him a similar warning. ‘I just wanted to find Sophia, that is all. I promised I would look out for her, like you would dad.’

Lori remembered what Andrea had told her then at the retirement home, and she clutched her necklace. _He’s going to be fine, my sweet boy. No matter what happens, he’s going to beat this world._

But her optimism turned to ash as Carl asked a question that could only be answered with painful results. ‘Where’s Sophia, did you guys find her?’

Lori closed her eyes, and she heard Rick exhale. She looked at Rick, and she willed for Rick to realize she couldn’t answer this question.

Rick looked at her only for a moment, but he understood. He always did. She felt a flush of guilt. ‘We haven’t found her yet, Carl. But we’re looking for her, we’re going to get her back in no time. Just you see.’

It crushed Lori to see the hope die in Carl’s eyes, but he only nodded in calm acceptance. And just for a glimpse of a moment, Lori saw the man her son would grow up to be in the future. ‘Okay,’ he said. ‘I’ll help you look for her, but I’ll be with you this time.’

Lori laughed in disbelief. ‘You aren’t going to be helping anytime soon, young man. You cannot even get out of your bed. You need to recover first. But believe your dad, everybody will find her soon.’

‘That reminds me,’ Rick went to get up from his chair, ‘I better tell Hershel and everybody you are awake, Carl. We were all worried about you.’

‘Let me, I’ve been here all day. You stay, Rick,’ Lori said as she got up from her chair first. ‘I’ll grab a plate for you, Carl. Dinner’s getting served right now.’

She quickly kissed Carl on the forehead again, and again before Carl groaned in mock disgust. _I can’t help it, Carl. You have no idea how close you came to dying_.  
The thought was enough to awash her with a new sense of fear, and she wiped her tears as they fell. She entered the hall, and nearly bumped into T-Dog.

‘Are you okay?’ He asked, his eyes alert with alarm. ‘Is Carl?’

Lori let a smile break out. Despite the fear, she could smile. _Carl was going to be okay._ ‘We’re both fine, T-Dog. Carl is awake!’

T-Dog broke into a smile of his own, and he hugged her tightly. She panicked for a second, thinking of the night at the CDC and smelling the alcohol on Shane’s breath. But just as quick as that thought popped into her head, T-Dog let go.

‘I was going to see Rick, but I’ll leave him to it. Do you want me to tell the others?’ T-Dog asked.

‘Don’t be silly,’ Lori said. ‘Go in and check on him, I’ll get the others,’ and she rushed off to alert the others.

Before she could enter the sitting room however, the smell of pork waved out the closer she got. She wrinkled her nose but was puzzled as to why. _I’ve never had a problem with pork before._

A strong wave of nausea overcome her then, and before she knew it she was dangerously close to puking out the contents of what she had eaten that day.  
Luckily for her, the bathroom was a short distance away from her even if it was upstairs. Bolting up the steps as if her life depended on it, Lori barged into the room and bent over the toilet as she violently threw up into the pan.

Once it was done, she instinctively touched her stomach. Her throat felt like sandpaper, and her eyes burned with tears.

_That was, unexpected. I didn’t think I would be sick from just a bowl of cereal._

Perhaps it had just been stale, she reasoned. All the same, it was done.

She went to get up, but as she opened the door the smell of pork was now more stronger than it had been down in the hall. She immediately closed the door before going back to the toilet, even if she had nothing left in her stomach.

_It’s the pork. But I’ve always liked pork. The only time I was sick from pork was when I was pregnant with Carl._

It took her only a moment to comprehend that thought, and it took her a couple of minutes before she realized the strangled sobs were coming from her.  
_I can’t be pregnant. Oh god please, I can’t be._

She wept in the bathroom, all positive emotion about Carl’s awakening drowned out by the very real fear of what could be residing in her body.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This turned out to be a monster of a chapter, far longer than I was expecting. And a couple of plot threads that I intended to do in the last couple of chapters swung away from me, but I managed to get them on track thankfully. Although there is still a couple I need to add as well. I think in part it's a lot easier to write the characters in times of peace, and the farm is very much a setting of peace and a escape from the world they're living in. So I'll be able to weave some relationships and plot points that I need to establish before pulling them back from that world and set them up for the upcoming storm. 
> 
> I don't think it's a spoiler to say, but since the show/comic has never been clear and always rather ambiguous with its timeline, my story is different in that I list the days since the first zombie. And since Rick awoke on day 60 and reunited with Lori in 62, and she is finding out she is (possibly) pregnant on day 68, it should be clear that the father of her baby here is Shane (and I believe it is the case for the show and comics too). 
> 
> Also, I like my Hershel to be a bit rough around the edges. I love him and the way Scott Wilson played him from start to finish, but he wasn't a saint in the second season or the comics for that matter. If he ever gets to Santa Claus status here in my story, it'll have to be earned like it was in the show. 
> 
> Hope you all enjoyed the chapter!


	13. Day 73

‘You sure it’s safe out here?’

Shane fought the urge to roll his eye as Rick asked the repeated question. ‘Yeah man, I don’t know what else I could say to convince you.’ A gunshot rang out then, and several more followed. Rick only nodded, but with the way he bit his lip Shane knew he was nervous. _I suppose I can’t blame him, after what happened with the camp._

Indeed, despite knowing the story about Daryl; Shane felt that it had been the sound of the car alarm that Glenn had brought over to the camp that had played a role in that incident as well. He looked at the kid right now, who seemed to be distracted about something.

‘Hey,’ he got Rick’s attention and indicated to Glenn, ‘what’s wrong with him? He’s been moping all day.’ Rick shrugged, but his eyes wandered over to Maggie. She was currently showing Carol how to aim her gun, after having been one of the few people in their group to be experienced with guns. When asked about it, Maggie herself had only shrugged and replied, ‘When you grow up country you pick up a thing or two.’ Both her and Arnold were helping Rick and Shane teach everybody else, Hershel and Lacey wanted no part in it.

‘I think it’s something to do with Maggie,’ Rick explained quietly so nobody could hear him. Shane raised his eyebrows as he saw T-Dog attempt to fire his gun, and missed entirely. _With the way he handled himself at Atlanta I thought he would have been an expert._

‘I take it Glenn and Maggie are the Brangelina of the group then, huh?’ Shane asked. He noted with approval that T-Dog’s next shot did indeed hit his target, as evidenced by the way the tin can fired into the sky from the fence.

‘Something like that,’ Rick only chuckled. ‘Why can’t I shoot a gun, dad?’

Both Rick and Shane turned around to see Carl, who was supporting himself with crutches. It had been two days since he was given permission to walk, and Hershel had crutches that suited Carl’s height. ‘Arnold broke his knee when he was seven,’ he had explained. Now Shane watched as Rick gave his answer. ‘Because you can’t aim your gun with those crutches, Carl. It would be dangerous if you tried.’

‘But I can sit down,’ Carl insisted. Shane resisted the urge to chuckle. _I’ve missed this boy, I really have._

Shane could hear the impatience in Rick’s voice as he said, ‘it’s even more dangerous for you to do that. You need to be standing with your own two feet to do it. I promise, son, you’ll learn once you get rid of those crutches.’

‘Don’t worry, little man,’ Carl turned to look at Shane. ‘I’ll teach you myself, if Rick here doesn’t mind.’

‘Not at all.’

‘See,’ Shane winked at Carl, who smiled brightly at him before turning his attention to the group. His eyes were taking everything in with his sight, watching how people would reload a gun and the stance they would use in shooting the cans. _Yeah, I’ve missed the little bugger alright._

He turned to face the rest of the group. All of them barring Hershel, Lacey, Lori and those aged sixteen (excluding Carl) and under were out in a field, far away from the farm. It was a glorious day, and it had been for a while.

_A pity it won’t last._

He looked at Carol again, and he saw from her face that she hadn’t had a rest in the six days Sophia had been missing. As somebody who hadn’t slept well in a long time either, Shane recognized the signs of somebody who was desperately needing sleep and lacking it.

‘Excuse me, I think I need I’ll show T-Dog how to aim his gun properly,’ Rick said before he went to join the man. Shane narrowed his eyes as his friend went over to join the man, and they started talking. Not one of them paid the slightest bit of attention to the gun, and even though he couldn’t hear them he doubted they were talking about T-Dog’s shooting skills.

 _Lack of, anyway._ It was an unkind thought, but Shane did not crush it down as he might have with the more inexperienced shooters. He had noticed Rick and T-Dog talking more and more often in the past week, and he felt a feeling he had never experienced before: Insecurity.

Oh, he tried to deny it when he recognized it for what it was. What did he, Shane Walsh, have to be insecure about? But Rick had always been by his side since their school days, and Shane by his. He had attended his wedding, they had joined the force together, Shane viewed Rick’s family as his own. And now here was T-Dog, taking over a spot that Shane never felt like he needed to defend.

A chance glance at Patricia reminded him of the school, but it never shamed him from what he was thinking about T-Dog. Instead, it only fanned his jealously into something insidious. _I should have did to T-Dog what I did with Otis back at that retirement home._

It took him a moment before he realized Carl was calling him, and he turned around. Carl’s eyes were wide with concern for him, it was clear he was trying to get his attention. ‘Sorry, Carl. What is it?’

‘I asked are you going to search for Sophia today? I know you’ve all took the day off for the shooting, but I don’t think it would be nice if you didn’t search for her at all today.’

Shane rubbed his head, feeling faintly embarrassed. It was still strange, rubbing his head where hair should have been. _And I honestly think we’re just wasting our time searching for this girl._ But he looked in Carl’s eyes, and he recalled looking at the map of the surrounding area. There was a neighborhood a good forty minute drive away from the farm that could turn up a lead. And if not a lead, then a distraction from the farm. For all the beauty that his group and the Greene family saw in the place, Shane only felt suffocated by it. _It’s too hidden away. The world out there isn’t just not in ruins because we’re living in mythical paradise. And besides, I told somebody I would help them with their shooting._

‘Sure thing, bud,’ Shane ruffled Carl’s hair. Seeing Carl light up was a reward all on its own. He found that Carl was the only person that was keeping the darkness away from his thoughts, for the time being. ‘You mind staying here while I talk about it with Andrea over there?’

Carl nodded and tried to raise a salute, but almost fell to the ground if it had not been for Shane holding him. ‘Careful, there,’ he muttered. After making sure Carl would be fine, Shane wandered over to Andrea. He passed the many survivors being taught how to shoot a gun by Rick, Arnold and Maggie; but as he neared Andrea he wondered why the group needed the four of them at all.

Andrea had proved to be a natural, once she figured how to work the safety that was. Can after can were placed on the fence, and she had shot and fired and hit every can after every can perfectly. And he could see now that she had a different target.

‘You mean that?’ He indicated his head to the white message that had been nailed on the fence: **DON’T TRESPASS**

He could see from here that anything resembling a small gap such as O had been fired at, but not a single bullet had missed and messed up what she had been aiming for: Making a statement.

Andrea smiled at him as more bullets fired from other members of the group. Shane noted that Maggie passed by Glenn as he huffed, instead opting to show Morales to the left of him how it was done. ‘You bet I did,’ Andrea said. ‘Only shooting the cans gets boring after a little while.’ Shane nodded, and he leaned in so only she could hear what he had to say. ‘You want to have more practice? I think I’ve found a lead on Sophia, and where I’m going I might need backup.’

Andrea nodded, all too enthusiastically. ‘You bet I do. It kills me seeing what Carol is going through. And I’m not going to learn anything more by just standing stationary.’

‘That’s right,’ Shane said. He frowned as he realized Dale was watching them and averted his eyes when he caught his notice. ‘I’ll get you when we’re all back at the farm, count on it.’

‘Okay,’ Andrea said. She turned to face her can and aimed her gun.

Drawing her breath, she fired.

*

Glenn sighed as he watched the entered the RV. As expected, he saw Dale fiddling around with a toolbox.

‘What is it, Glenn?’ Dale asked without turning to face him. Glenn smiled despite himself. _Dale will get me, he’s always been a good listener._ The RV was once back to its cluttered mess despite Carol’s attempts to clean it the other day, but seeing the old man in there brought much needed good vibes in Glenn’s way, and he desperately held onto them.

‘I was just wondering if you could spare a moment to talk?’

‘Sure thing,’ Dale turned around and faced him. ‘What’s up?’

The warmth Glenn was experiencing turned cold, and suddenly he felt he couldn’t breathe. _What the hell am I doing, running to an old man over my troubles?_ ‘It’s nothing,’ Glenn stuttered. Once again, he felt his face grow red. He never hated himself more in that moment, for always allowing this particular weakness get the better of him. _I need to grow up, I’ve always needed to grow up._

‘Just being stupid again, that’s all.’

Dale folded his arms and arched his eyebrows. ‘Is it to do with that girl, Maggie?’

Glenn froze, and felt like protesting. Instead he looked at the floor and only nodded. Dale sighed. ‘I figured. You were over the moon when the pair of you headed out to town, but you haven’t been the same since you came back. And don’t think I never noticed that she didn’t speak to you at all during target practice, I happen to see these things.’

Glenn ruffled his hair. ‘I fucked up, Dale.’ There, it was better for him to get it out in the open. _Sometimes there is no other way, you just need to peel that band-aid._

‘Fucked up how?’ Dale asked. He kept his arms folded, but he indicated for Glenn to sit down with his head. Glenn did so, and Dale sat opposite of him. ‘I, I mean we both had sex at the pharmacy,’ Glenn said. His face was blushing crimson now. _But it feels like a relief to get it out. I need to talk about this to somebody!_ ‘But I fucked up, Dale. I shouldn’t have had sex with her, I regretted it instantly.’

Glenn feared then that Dale would judge him, but he only asked, ‘and did you say this to Maggie? That you regretted it, I mean.’

‘What, no? Of course I didn’t,’ Glenn said. ‘But I haven’t spoke to her since. I guess I feel ashamed, or something.’

‘Ashamed?’ Dale seemed honestly puzzled, and Glenn could have screamed at him then. _He’s meant to be understanding, why doesn’t he get it?_

‘Ashamed about what, Glenn?’

‘Because,-‘ and to Glenn’s horror he thought he was crying. Rubbing his eyes before he could, he continued. ‘Because I crushed hard on Amy, okay? And it’s my fault she is dead. And I’m a horrible person for moving on from her so fast.’

And just like that, it was like a dam had broken. And the rivers that flooded through weren’t giving up anytime soon. Glenn sobbed harder than he ever had before, not even the news of his parent’s death could compare. _Amy. Holly. All those people at the retirement home._ ‘My fault, all my fault,’ he said. He buried his hands in his head, and Dale went over and hugged him, hard. Glenn buried his head in the man’s embrace, and he continued to cry. He did not know how long he spent crying, only that eventually he stopped and he had no more tears left to cry.

Sniffing, Glenn looked at Dale and saw only concern reflected in his eyes. ‘Is that you?’ Dale asked.

Glenn nodded, not trusting himself to speak.

‘Listen, Glenn,’ Dale let go of him to stand up but kept him in his gaze. ‘You have nothing to be ashamed about. It’s like I told you after the CDC, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. You liked Amy and trust me when I say I think she would have liked you too. But you shouldn’t feel guilty about moving on from her, she wouldn’t want you to.’

‘But it’s not just that,’ Glenn said. _He doesn’t know I’m at fault, and that is why he isn’t getting it._ ‘I really think Daryl caused that camp to be attacked. He stole a truck and we saw the truck when we got to the camp, Merle died because of us and he went out to get his revenge. And he wouldn’t have done that if we didn’t let Merle die. It’s my fault Amy is dead.

’ Dale stared at him, and Glenn averted his eyes and stared hard at the stain on the floor. _He’s going to rip me a new one, and I would deserve it._ Even if Andrea didn’t blame him, he felt he deserved the blame.

‘Bullshit.’

The venom in Dale’s voice took Glenn by surprise, and he looked up at Dale. Dale was looking at him with an intensity Glenn didn’t think he had it in him. ‘Bullshit,’ Dale repeated. ‘Merle was a son of a bitch, Glenn. And I suspect people have already told you this. If Daryl brought his revenge on the group, that’s on him and him alone. But I think it’s more than that,’ he pointed a finger at Glenn. ‘I think you’re afraid.’

There was many things Glenn expected Dale to say to him. This was not one of them, and it took his breath away. ‘Excuse me?’

‘You heard right,’ Dale nodded his head. ‘I think you’re afraid. You’re afraid of getting over your courage to talk to that girl, just like you were with Amy. I know because I was you, once upon a time.’ His voice turned wistful, and Glenn suspected he was picturing the memories he thought of vividly. ‘I wasted too much time myself, until I told myself enough. I had to ask her out myself, make an effort for her. So I did, and I spent many years happy with her.’ Glenn could only stare at Dale, and Dale only stared back. Too stunned to reply, Glenn didn’t know if they were going to be frozen in time just staring at one another.

_He’s put it so bluntly. And it sounds a lot like what Holly told me, too._

Dale broke the stare off and rubbed his eyes. ‘Glenn, I like you a lot. But if you are serious about wanting to make things up with Maggie, show her you are serious. I can’t hold my hand for you on that part. But you need to cut those thoughts of blaming yourself off, it’s not healthy for you.’

And so Dale walked out of the RV, leaving Glenn to contemplate on his thoughts.

*

Dale stepped out into the sunshine, feeling glad that he was out in the fresh air and looking at the fields around him. As always, it took his breath away. And for now, it distracted him of the rant he had directed at Glenn’s way. He felt a feeling of shame then, and it vanished as quick as it came.

_He needed to hear it. Amy’s death is not his fault as much as it is not Andrea’s. The pair of them can’t waste their life away like I nearly did after Irma’s passing._

He looked at the three-story house that held the Greene family. It was painted white with care and affection, and towered the field with a presence that suggested royalty, even if it looked nothing of the sort. He could hear laughter and squeals, no doubt coming from the children. Dale could almost feel at peace. _This is the kind of thing I wanted to see when I went on my country trip._

But he was not at peace. He had no worry about Glenn, he figured that the boy would sort himself out sooner or later. But his eyes narrowed when he saw Andrea, who was chatting away quietly to Shane at the latter’s jeep _. I don’t like her being around him, and I don’t know why._

He had heard the stories about Shane punching Ed to a bloody mess, of course. And he had saw what he was capable of at the CDC with Jenner (n _ow that’s a real failure of mine, not convincing Jacqui to come with us_ ) and he hadn’t missed Shane punching the ground in a frenzy, mindless rage in the Atlanta streets as he drove the RV back. But it hadn’t just been that, Dale reasoned. There was something different about him entirely, ever since they made it to the farm. He saw it with the way he carried himself around the group, almost always on guard and frantically rushing out to do any task no matter how large or menial that task was.

 _It might be just be him dealing with the death of that Otis_.

He couldn’t help but look at the tower of rocks and stones they had all piled up for Otis. It was still there, under the large oak tree. _Whatever he is going through, he might drag Andrea back into that darkness she seems to be getting out of. I’ll need to get her away from him, if I can._

With that thought, Dale knew he had no other option. He walked over to the jeep, and saw Shane notice him first before Andrea. He hushed with whatever he saying, and that only increased Dale’s suspicions further. _What has he got to hide about?_ Andrea turned around to face him and Dale saw the way she tensed, which broke his heart.

Things hadn’t been as bad as it had been in the initial couple of days since the CDC explosion, they did share a polite conversation here and there about the weather or the dinner or the search for Sophia. But they still had a long road to go. _I hope you can forgive me one day, Andrea. I really do._ ‘Where are you guys going?’ Dale asked. He tried to sound joyful, but the false cheeriness only made a tense situation sound grotesque to his ears.

‘We’ve found a lead on Sophia,’ Andrea answered carefully. He saw her shoot a glance at Shane, who only looked at Dale with his hands in his pockets. ‘At least, it might be a lead. It’s the best we’ve had since the town, anyway.’

Dale nodded, his heart racing. _I can’t very well tell her she can’t go, especially if this is about Sophia in some way. I would sound more controlling than I already do._

‘That’s good,’ Dale said and he found a lump in his throat. _Damn it, why the hell did I give Glenn a bad time if I can’t even get it together myself._

Shane only nodded at him before turning around to get into the jeep, but Andrea stared at him. ‘Dale, are you sure you’re okay? You don’t look so good.’

‘I’m fine,’ Dale waved her concern off. _I’m just an old man, growing senile._ Watching Shane get into the jeep, he felt now was his chance. Andrea continued to watch him, as if afraid he was going to fall. In his own way, he supposed he had been falling for a long time. ‘Watch out for him,’ he whispered.

Andrea’s face grew maddeningly puzzled, but it was all he could say. After all, he knew his feeling might not be entirely rational. ‘What do you mean?’ Andrea asked as he knew she would. She was never one not to just accept a cock and bull story and take it as fact.

‘Just be careful around him, that’s all,’ Dale said. Andrea nodded, but Dale knew she wouldn’t take his warning seriously. _And that’s okay, because I’ve planted a seed there. She might see the same thing that I do in some way_.

‘I need to go,’ Andrea whispered, before she touched his shoulder softly. Dale looked at her, and Andrea tried to smile. ‘I’ll be fine, Dale. You don’t need to worry about me anymore.’

She turned around and got into the jeep, but not before giving Dale a small wave as the jeep set off.

Dale waved back, and he felt his heart sink. W _hat is wrong with you, you stupid old man._

Sighing, Dale turned around and went for a walk. As he did so, he saw Glenn emerge from the RV. Glenn walked like a man on a mission, not at all like the boy he had been ten minutes ago. He marched forward with a confident spring to his step.

Dale smiled softly. _Go get her, Glenn._

Hands in his pockets, Dale walked down the field. He basked in the heat of the sun, enjoying it for all he could get from it. He knew that winter was fast approaching, and it wouldn’t be long before the group were all huddled underneath large jackets and furs to keep warm.

He neared the barn, which was more neglected than the house with its coat of paint. The red paint had faded to a murky brown, and there were handles placed between the door’s handles. Dale frowned. _You know, I don’t think any of us have come down here since we arrived._

He leaned forward, hesitant as if he should check inside or not. _It’s not my barn, you shouldn’t go in Dale. Respect your host, that’s rule number one in the manner’s manual._ Dale had always been too nosy for his good, he knew that. But he made up his mind. _No, I won’t check the inside. I don’t know what you are expecting, anyway._

The door pushed suddenly, and Dale jerked back as if he had been electrocuted on the spot. He stood with eyes widened as the doors pushed open again. Moans emerged from the barn then, and Dale realized with a growing horror that the smell around the barn that he had mistaken for manure was the all too familiar stench of dead bodies.

The answer in the barn gave itself away to Dale before he could even check.

The Greene family had walkers in the barn.

*

‘What was his problem?’

‘Huh,’ Andrea turned away from the sights of trees and endless fields to face Shane. ‘Dale, you mean?’

‘Yeah,’ Shane didn’t look at her, he only had eyes for the road with his hands on the wheel. ‘He seemed to be out of sorts, and I saw him whispering to you.’

Andrea shrugged. Being in the jeep with the roof down was more exhilarating than it had any right to be, with her hair blowing in the wind. With the possibility of driving into another car minimum, Shane was taking advantage with his foot to the pedal. _And I hated boy racers before all of this._

‘I don’t know,’ Andrea said. ‘I think he’s feeling guilty about the way we have been since the CDC. We used to be a lot closer.’

Shane nodded slightly. ‘Yeah, you really gave him a hard time over that.’

‘Wouldn’t you?’ Andrea asked, irritated all over again at memories she wanted to forget. ‘He took my choice away from me. I know he cares about me, and it’s why he did it. But it wasn’t his decision to take.’

‘Sorry I asked,’ Shane remarked. Andrea scoffed and turned to face the fields. _Just my luck, stuck with an asshole as an instructor. Maybe I should have went with Rick instead._

The rest of the trip was silent, and they parked in front of Wilshire Estates before she knew it. Stepping from the jeep, Andrea spotted straight away it was a gated community. The greenery bushes and flowers were overgrowing from their pots of dirt and land, so she almost missed the sign that made her heart drop:

**ALL DEAD: DO NOT ENTER**

‘Well, let it never be said I don’t like to break some rules,’ Shane said as he went by her side, studying the sign.

‘She wouldn’t have went in here,’ Andrea said. She thought of Carol then, and her sunken heart broke. _I don’t know how we can come home and tell her we still haven’t found her little girl._

‘Not necessary,’ Shane said. ‘I almost missed that sign myself, if it hadn’t been for you watching it. So what do you say, we go in?’

‘Are you crazy?’ Andrea asked. She turned to look at Shane in full disbelief. _I think Dale was right to watch out for him._ ‘You see a sign saying there are walkers in the area and you are just going to go in charging.’

Shane shrugged, a slight smirk playing on his face. ‘I thought you wanted more practice, to get better.’

‘I do,’ Andrea insisted. ‘But I’m not suicidal, Shane. I’m not going to go charging into danger when I know full well there is danger around the corner. It’s stupid.’

‘It’s the only way you are going to learn!’ Shane snapped. ‘Do you think those monsters are just going to stand there and wait for you to shoot them like your tin cans, or that stupid fucking sign? It’s not like that at all. What I went through at that goddamn school, it’s opened my eyes. None of us are prepared for them, not in the way we think we are.’

‘What do you mean?’ Andrea challenged. She wasn’t one to let go without a fight. ‘Of course I know they aren’t going to stand here and wait. But that place could be chock filled with them for all we know. I didn’t go through what you went through at the school, but I was attacked by one in the RV. I was in Atlanta when the bombs dropped and when our camp got attacked, where my sister died. I know the stakes, Shane. I’m not going to increase them for no reason.’

‘Fine,’ Shane snarled. ‘You go home, then. Take the keys,’ and he chucked the keys to the jeep at her. It was blind instinct that allowed for her to catch them. ‘But I’m still going in to find that girl.’ And before Andrea could protest, or try in any meaningful way to stop him, he went up to the gates of the community and pushed them open.

The gates made a loud creaking sound, a noise that sent Andrea’s nerves on edge. _Goddamn him, Shane!_

She had never felt so flustered. She looked at the keys in her hand, and the jeep. Going home was not an option, not without Shane. But going into the neighborhood was also suicidal, filled with many opportunities that could occur at any moment.

‘Fuck it,’ Andrea muttered as she squeezed past the gates, determined not to make a single noise that she could help prevent. All around her were the houses only the rich could afford. Four story houses with stained glass windows, and the houses towered over them like giants. The grass in the gardens were grown at knee height. Bar one house which had shattered windows, none of the other houses looked like they had so much been touched since the beginning of the outbreak.

_The sign must have scared any looters off. Smarter people than us anyway, that’s all I’m going to say._

She looked ahead and saw Shane approach the house with the shattered windows. Pulling out her gun, Andrea lightly jogged across the pavement to catch up by his side. ‘Decided to join me, then?’

Andrea rolled her eyes. ‘Shane, I don’t know what the hell you are thinking coming in here. You’ve had your fun, now can we go back?’

‘We can’t,’ Shane turned to look at her now. His eyes were blazing, and Andrea almost took a step back from the look he shot her. _Dale was definitely right_. ‘Why not?’ Andrea asked. ‘This has nothing to do with teaching me to shoot or finding Sophia, is it?’ She looked at him then, really looked at him. _He’s agitated. It’s almost like he is looking for a fight with the walkers._

She understood then. ‘You haven’t got over Otis, have you?’ Her voice was soft, but Shane looked as if he had been slapped by the words. ‘You blame yourself for his death.’

Shane laughed then. It was a sound she never wanted to hear again, sounding as bitter as winter night. ‘You think that’s it, Andrea? Really? You going to get all Dale on me, now?’

Andrea shook her head. ‘I’m not. But this is what this is. You’re looking for danger. And me being here, I guess it’s me looking for danger too. I saw the way you were with Ed, you know. This whole fucking nightmare has us all on edge, and I think you’re about to go over it like I was after Amy died.’ Shane laughed again, but it was much more forced. ‘You don’t understand shit.’

Andrea nodded. She accepted his words, and she knew he wasn’t going to change his mind. ‘That’s fine, maybe I don’t. I’m just figuring out my shit too. But I don’t think this is the answer, Shane. Let’s get out of he-‘ She was cut off by the moans.

She immediately raised her gun to the direction of the sound, and it was to the house with the broken windows. The door hadn’t been entirely locked, and now a flood of walkers were pouring out of the house. _Five, ten, fifteen, twenty, thirty._ It was too many to count. And she didn’t intend to stick around to do so.

Andrea pulled her gun back. ‘There’s too many of them. C’mon.’

Shane aimed his gun and fired. The walker at the front fell to the ground, perfect bullseye.

‘Shane! C’mon, let’s get out of here.’ She went to grab his arm but backed off at his snarl. ‘You go to the jeep!’ He told her. ‘If you aren’t being serious about getting lessons from me, then you take that jeep and go.’

 _Fuck, this guy is crazy. And I’m crazy for not doing what he says before he even had to say it._ Taking one last wild look at Shane and the walkers coming their way, Andrea took a deep breath and aimed her gun at the monsters coming their way. Shane fired his gun, and another walker dropped dead. Her finger on the trigger, Andrea hesitated only slightly.

_Just point and shoot. It’s not that hard._

She pulled the trigger, and her bullet hit the third walker. She aimed slightly left, and another body hit the ground. She heard Shane say something then, but for Andrea there was only her gun and the targets coming her way.

Despite the bodies that had fallen, the horde coming out of the house was never ending. Andrea startled at that realization, and it caused her to misaim and shoot a walker on the shoulder. Blood splattered from the shoulder of the walker, but still she continued. Andrea jumped as a hand gripped her tight on the shoulder, and she turned around to face Shane.

‘C’mon,’ he told her darkly. The same blazing look was still in his eye, the same fierce determination. ‘Let’s get out of here.’

Andrea nodded, hardly daring to breath. _Did I do that?_

She saw the walkers were closer now, their hands reached out and marching forward, their horrible moans harmonizing with one another as they broke free from their prison and chased after the only source of food they were near in months. ‘Shit,’ Andrea muttered as she swiftly turned around and followed Shane as he ran out of the neighborhood.

As they passed the houses they hadn’t entered, she heard soft _tap, tap, taps_.

Chancing a glance, she saw walkers inside those houses behind the stained glasses, pounding their hands against glass that probably cost more than her entire mortgage. Shaking her head at the thought, Andrea broke free from the neighborhood. Her hair blowing in the wind had been exhilarating, but this had been nothing compared to that.

She saw the jeep and sprinted towards it. Shane took the driver wheel, and she hopped in and gave him the keys before they drove off. Looking in the wing mirror, she saw the walkers had left Wilshire Estates and were now trying their best to keep up with the jeep. It was a no show however, Andrea knew. They were already off in the distance as she considered them and gone by the time she threw her head up and laughed.

‘You are one crazy son of a bitch,’ Andrea told Shane.

Shane just grinned.

‘Seriously,’ Andrea turned to look at him. ‘That was some lesson. And you didn’t even give me any clues or advice whatsoever.’

‘You wouldn’t have learned otherwise,’ Shane said. ‘I had a good feeling you were a natural at this, I just wanted to test you on the spot.’

Feeling slightly uncertain, remembering all too well about the argument the pair of them had before the walkers showed themselves, Andrea let it go. _Normally I wouldn’t, but this is the best I’ve felt in a long time. I can defend myself in this world. That’s all I need, for right now._

She laughed again, and this time he laughed with her. 

*

‘Billy, I need your help.’

Billy looked up from the comic book he was reading on top of his bed. He frowned as he saw Glenn standing at the doorway, and even more so when Glenn took that as permission to enter the room and stand by his bed. _Well, at least it’s not Arnie. I want peace from him at least for the day._

‘What’s up?’ Billy asked, and his interest peaked. _Seriously, nobody asks me for help. I wonder what he wants?_ He knew the answer almost before Glenn finished his next sentence, however. ‘I need your help with Maggie.'

Billy groaned. Whether out of impatience or good nature, Billy couldn’t quite tell himself. ‘Of course you do,’ Billy muttered. ‘I saw the way you two have been moping about. Don’t think just cause I’m sixteen I don’t notice these things. In fact, I would say at my age I’m probably the expert at these type of things.’

Glenn rolled his eyes and folded his arms. ‘Look, if you’re an expert that’s great and all. But I just want to know what I can do to make her forgive me. I really like your sister, and I’m afraid I’ve blown it with her.’

‘What did you do?’ Billy asked. Glenn shook his head slowly. ‘I’m not getting into this with you. Are you going to help me or not?’

‘Not with that attitude,’ Billy smirked as he bounced backward on his bed and used the comic to hide Glenn’s face. The bed creaked, but it was as familiar to him as the multiple comics and books scattered around the room he and Arnold shared.

‘You do know I’m a massive geek, right?’ Glenn asked. ‘I know that exact issue you’re reading of the X-Men. I could spoil it for you before you get to the end.’

Billy lowered the comic. ‘You wouldn’t dare.’ He tried to glare at Glenn, but Glenn only smirked and crossed his arms. ‘Help me with Maggie and I won’t.’

‘I’ll help you if you want,’ Beth said.

Both Glenn and Billy turned around to see her stand at the door, all innocent as if butter wouldn’t melt. Billy wanted to curse the pair of them out. _Seriously, when you try and get peace in this goddamn place the whole lot of them come into your room_. He thought those things, but his sibling rivalry shone through naturally as it always did.

‘How can you help him?’ Billy pointed out. ‘You’re a girl and you’ve never dated anybody anyway.’

Beth narrowed her eyes. ‘What does that have to do anything? This is Maggie we’re talking about here, we know our sister.’ She turned to face Glenn before Billy could think of a rebuttal. ‘What is it that you want help with, Glenn?’

Glenn smiled gratefully at Beth, and that only irritated Billy more. _Shit, I can’t let her win._ ‘I want to apologize to her,’ Glenn said. ‘I really like her, so I want to do it in a meaningful way. The only problem is I don’t know what she likes,’ Glenn looked sheepish as he confessed this. ‘Maybe I’m just being silly, we haven’t know one another for that long. But I would really like to make it up to her.’

Beth looked thoughtful, and despite himself Billy pulled himself forward to hear what she had to say. _Might as well get involved in this charade, I wasn’t doing much anyway._ ‘She likes music,’ Beth answered. ‘Do you play guitar?’

‘I know how to a little,’ Glenn said. ‘I’m not the best though, I’ll be the first to tell you that. My friend Malcom was loads better at it than I was.’

‘That’s okay,’ Beth said. ‘I have an idea, but you just have to trust me. And we’ll need to ask Patricia first if it’s okay if we can borrow Otis’ guitar.’

At the mention of Otis, a cloud hung over the room above them all. Billy looked down at his bed, thinking of the man. _How can he be gone? He’s been here my whole life._

‘Do you think Patricia would be okay with that?’ Glenn asked.

‘She would,’ Billy spoke up before Beth could. Despite the grief he had been dealing with, Billy wasn’t one to be beaten. ‘We’ve only had one guitar between us all, and it was Otis’ guitar. Beth plays it the most out of us all though, and he’s always allowed her to play it.’

‘Maggie has always loved Otis playing for us,’ Beth said. ‘Patricia knows that. I think she would like us using the guitar for something nice like this.’

‘But how is Glenn playing a guitar going to make Maggie happy with him?’ Billy asked. _Like I said, she has no experience with this kind of thing at all._ He was wise enough not to say it out loud, however. Beth only rolled her eyes. ‘Just follow me, Glenn. And Billy, you can come with us if you want. You actually could be useful for what I want us to do.’

‘Might as well, I’m doing nothing better anyway than to be annoyed by you lot,’ Billy muttered as he followed the pair out of the room. They passed Arnold on the staircase, and Beth led the two into the kitchen where Patricia was currently talking with Lacey. They broke conversation as the trio went in, and Billy noted straight away how Lacey’s face fell as if she had smelled spoiled milk.

_She really doesn’t like this group at all._

Like many aspects in his life, this was one thing he simply did not agree with his siblings. Life had been dull for Billy since the start of the outbreak. Living under his father’s supervision when not even school could be used as an escape from him was enough to drive him up the wall. They brought a bit of excitement to his life again, if only to see new faces instead of the familiar ones he had seen his whole life.

‘What are you guys up to?’ Patricia asked. She looked curious, even if the bags under her eyes indicated that she had been thinking about far more serious things and couldn’t get sleep to escape from it. Billy felt a sudden shame. _I haven’t really talked to her about Otis. Why haven’t I?_ He knew he had no excuse as well, they had been in the house for the past five days and he had essentially done nothing about it. _I’ll fix that. Once we’ve done whatever Beth is getting us to do, I’ll ask her how she is. It’s the least I can do for auntie Pat._

‘Patricia, we just wanted to know if it would be okay if we could borrow Otis’ guitar?’ Beth asked. ‘I know he let us play it all the time without a problem, but it’s for Glenn. He’s trying to apologize to Maggie, and I’ve got a perfect plan for the way he can do it. But only if it is okay with you?’ Billy saw with alarm that Patricia might just well up with tears there and then, but before he could saying anything, Lacey cut in with a voice that might as well spit venom. ‘And why can’t he just apologize to Maggie in a proper way? I’ve had to share my room with her again, and I know she’s been in a mood over him.'

Beth startled, and Billy sympathized instantly. _Lacey’s never been easy to deal with._ Before he rose to his younger sister’s defense, Glenn spoke up for himself. ‘I’ve heard that Maggie loved listening to Otis,’ Glenn explained, not backing away from Lacey’s eyes. _He might as well be staring down a dragon!_ ‘And I want to apologize to Maggie in a meaningful way, and I do know a little guitar. In truth, it’s Beth’s idea. But I want my apology to actually mean something, a quick sorry won’t do. Your sister deserves better than that.’

Lacey scoffed at this, but Billy felt his jaw drop. _Shit, I would never have been able to speak to her like that without backing down and apologizing._

Glenn didn’t seem to realize the effect he had on the Greene siblings however, only turning around to face Patricia. ‘I understand if you don’t want to give the guitar over,’ Glenn said softly. ‘I would understand completely. But I do really want to play it for Maggie, that’s all. I’ll give it back straight away.’

Patricia wiped away a tear, but she nodded her consent. ‘Otis loved playing the guitar. And he would love whatever you lot have planned, I have no doubt about that. He was a big softie at heart, believe me. You can have the guitar, Glenn, for this. But Beth, its yours for the taking if you really want it. I know you loved playing with it the most.’

‘Thank you, Pat,’ Beth leaned forward and hugged Patricia. Glenn also nodded his thanks, and the three of them were out of the kitchen as they headed to pick up a guitar.

‘That was bloody brilliant, standing up to Lacey like that,’ Billy told Glenn. ‘I wouldn’t have dared. How could you do it without backing down?’

Glenn shrugged. ‘I had a nana who was always angry, I got used to it overtime.’

*

Maggie hesitated as she held a brown paper bag, before she went over to the picnic table that Lori was currently sitting in. The table was in the back garden, but Maggie had decided to go around the house instead of in and through the kitchen.

_I don’t want to run into Glenn if I can help it._

Maggie looked over to where Lori held her gaze, and she saw that she was looking at a bunch of chickens in their pen as if they were the most interesting thing in the universe. She doubted an explosion in the house could have caused Lori to look away.

She coughed slightly, to alert Lori of her presence. Sure enough, Lori continued to stare. _I suppose I would be the same, if I was in her shoes._

‘Lori,’ she called out. Again, Lori was in her own world. Getting concerned now, Maggie approached and touched Lori’s shoulder.

‘Jesus, you scared me,’ Lori said.

‘Don’t let my daddy hear you say the Lord’s name in vain,’ Maggie said as she sat opposite of Lori. She passed the brown bag over to Lori, who clutched it tightly.

‘Is this it?’

‘It is,’ Maggie nodded. She bit her lip, wondering if she should say anything. _Is it my place to ask her?_ She knew though her father wouldn’t be happy if he found out there was even a chance Lori was pregnant. The fallout would not be pretty. _But he is such a hypocrite that it makes me mad. So many passages in the bible talk about helping each other, and he only chooses what suits him and what doesn’t. It’s the same thing time after time after time._

‘Are you okay?’ Lori asked. She looked at her worriedly.

Maggie fought the urge to laugh. ‘Lori, I should be asking you that. You’ve got a lot on your plate, I don’t know how you haven’t freaked out yet.’

Lori sighed as she shoved the bag to her side. ‘I don’t even know if I am or not, yet. I could be worrying over nothing, you know? But I have to thank you for getting this for me. Did Arnold see you pick it up?’

Maggie shook her head. ‘No, he didn’t. I made sure of it. We were going to go to target practice after our trip anyway to help Rick and Shane teaching the others to shoot. I think all of his thoughts were around that, he didn’t see what I picked up.’

Lori nodded, and once again her sight wandered over to the chickens. ‘I’m afraid,’ she whispered.

Maggie held her hand out and told Lori to look at her. She did, and she grabbed onto Maggie’s hand. ‘You’re going to be fine,’ she assured her. ‘I’ll work something out with my dad if you are pregnant, it wouldn’t be right to not give you shelter if you are. I still think it wouldn’t be right either way, I've argued with him plenty of times about stuff like this, we need to help each other during times like this.’

Lori smiled. It was tense and slightly forced, but Maggie believed Lori meant it. ‘Thank you, Maggie. I’m so glad I told you. I was going to ask Glenn, but as much of a sweetheart that he is, I don’t think he would have able to have handled this.’

‘Don’t mention it,’ Maggie said, even if it was her turn to fake a smile. _He’s no sweetheart, I can’t believe I fell for his good guy act._ It was stupid of her, but she had mistakes before and she figured she would make plenty still. Lori could tell something was wrong, however, and pressed her about it.

‘What’s going on, Maggie?’

Maggie sighed and shrugged her shoulders. ‘Just being stupid, I guess. I thought Glenn liked me, but he’s been ignoring me since we… kissed. I’m worried I might have pushed it, but I’m just as mad that he isn’t dealing with this like an adult.’

Lori nodded, taking in her words. Maggie figured she was probably making for a better distraction than the chickens for the woman, but Maggie didn’t mind. She needed to vent. ‘I just, I don’t know,’ Maggie rubbed her eyes. ‘You’ve known him for longer, what do you think?’

‘I think you should give Glenn a chance,’ Lori spoke her words with care, Maggie noticed. ‘Believe me, Maggie, he’s one of the nicest people you can meet. He always went to Atlanta by himself to give us supplies, even if we didn’t need him to. He always volunteered. I think he is just shy, that is all. It’ll take him time to open up to you, but I think it’ll be worth it for you in the long run. I really do.’

‘I guess so,’ Maggie said. She let out a little laugh. ‘Look at me, talking about this when you are dealing with something more important than a little crush.’

Lori waved her hand as if to silence her. ‘Don’t be silly. I’ve been there before, believe me.’ She sighed. ‘It’s difficult to love somebody, there’s all sorts of challenges to it. Me and Rick have been through it. But if you get through those challenges, you’ll have something real waiting for you at the end of it. I really hope you and Glenn make it, Maggie. You both deserve it.’

Maggie smiled. ‘Thank you, Lori. I really needed to hear that.’

‘No bother.’

Just then the shout of her name caused Maggie to turn around, and she saw Billy. ‘C’mon, Maggie! I need to show you something.’

‘In a minute,’ Maggie called back before turning around to face Lori. ‘You sure you are going to be okay?’

Lori nodded. ‘I’ll be fine, Maggie. Thanks. I need to deal with this myself.’

Maggie gave her one last look, before she went to follow her brother. _Thank god I’m not in her position. I wouldn’t know what to do myself, and my dad would freak_. She shuddered at the idea of her father finding out about her hypothetical pregnancy.

‘What is it, Billy?’ Maggie asked. Billy just shook his head and said, ‘you’ll just need to see, Mags. I can’t say anything, I promised.’

Maggie narrowed her eyes. ‘Promised who?’

But Billy kept his new infuriating habit of keeping silent, a habit that he had never learned in the sixteen years of his life. As they rounded the corner and were now in the front of her house, Maggie found herself intrigued and even more impatient as she continued to follow. _Billy and the rest of them better not be playing a prank on me, whatever this is._

The large oak tree was in sight now, and Maggie slowed to a stop as she saw the figures beneath the shadows of the tree. Glenn was looking up at her, guitar in hand. Plastered on his face was the cheesiest and most adorable smile she had ever laid eyes on. Maggie recognized the slightly worn guitar as Otis’, and her heart raced as he started to pluck the strings.

Next to Glenn was Beth, and her cue to sing had been Glenn plucking the strings. Her voice was soft like strawberries, and Maggie sighed despite herself as she took in the sight.

With Beth singing, Glenn approached Maggie slowly but surely while still holding onto the guitar and playing. Once or twice he missed a string and caused the song to go off beat, but Maggie did not care. All she felt was the familiar stirrings of being at home after a long day, being surrounded by family and grasping onto the comfort each relative offered in their own way.

Maggie approached Glenn now, and the two met in the middle. As Beth lowered her singing voice, all Maggie heard was Glenn saying, ‘I’m sorry for being a jerk to you. I didn’t mean to, this is just new to me.’ He didn’t flinch away from her like he would have in the day they met, just stared into her eyes honest and true. 'I'll let you know why when we are somewhere more private, but I really like you Maggie. Would you give me a chance to get to explain?

‘C’mon, here,’ Maggie said. She lifted her hands up to caress Glenn’s face, before kissing him. Her whole world disappeared into that kiss.

*

Patricia watched the young couple kiss one another and felt her heart ache. _Just like me and Otis all those years ago._

She sighed, clutching onto her necklace as she saw Glenn whisper something into Maggie’s ear, and she giggled. The sound was a paradox, for Patricia it was the most pleasant and the most painful sound she had ever heard.

Billy had joined the couple now, and Patricia couldn’t help but smile as Maggie let go from Glenn’s embrace to try and hit him as he said something, no doubt provocative whatever it had been. Beth had stopped her singing now and she went to scold Billy for whatever he had said, and all of the young people started to laugh.

It was Glenn and Maggie her eyes lingered upon however. Them and the guitar Glenn had strapped on over his shoulders.

 _When did I get so old? It feels like just yesterday when me and Otis sat and kissed underneath that tree, and he would sing me songs._ She looked up at the blue sky above, not a cloud in sight. She could remember him smelling of Autumn, a man of the woods as he carried his big fire-axe. He had been loud, oh so loud. She had always been quiet, but he had managed to get laughs and giggles out of her. She closed her eyes and breathed in, breathed out.

_It’s going to be fine, Pat. Otis wouldn’t want you sulking._

It was true, she knew. But she had never felt so lonely as she had in that moment.

‘What’s going on?’ Patricia turned around, and she saw Morales walking out of the house. He held hands with both his children, one for either side. Eliza smiled shyly at her, and Patricia smiled back. ‘Glenn and Maggie have made up, it seems like,’ Patricia nodded her head to indicate the couple.

‘Gross,’ Louis commented as he saw the pair of them kiss. ‘Why would he want to kiss a girl?’

Eliza rebutted almost instantly. ‘Why would he want to kiss a boy? I would throw up.’

‘Louis, Eliza,’ Morales scolded. Patricia tried to hide her smile, but Louis had seen her and he let his own smile grow too. Morales looked at her. ‘I’m sorry about that.’

Patricia shrugged. ‘They’re kids, they’re allowed to feel that way. Besides, I happen to agree with Eliza.’ Eliza cheered then, and promptly went out of her way to ignore Louis as he stuck his tongue out at her.

‘Oh, wonderful,’ Morales said. ‘Why don’t you go and play with the cows, kids? I’ll walk you to them, we might as well enjoy the sun while it lasts.’

‘Can I join you?’ Patricia asked. ‘Please, if you’d let me.’

‘Yeah!’ Eliza yelled before Morales could say a word. ‘Can she, dad. Can she?’ Louis nodded his head enthusiastically, and Morales rolled his eyes at Patricia as if to say, _kids, right?_ But Patricia _wanted_ to spend time with kids just being kids, she realized that.

‘I think that is up to Patricia if she wants to join us,’ Morales gently chided his children. He looked at her. ‘Would you like to join us? I know you’ve seen those cows about a million times, but they are really exciting or so I hear.'

‘ _Really exciting_ ,’ Louis mouthed.

Patricia smiled until it hurt. ‘Of course.’

And just like that the four of them were walking down the field, past an oak tree and an agitated Dale.

*

 _Positive_.

Lori had expected to cry at the news. She had been doing it for a while now, why wouldn’t the confirmation of one of her biggest fears trigger a flood of tears that wouldn’t end?

Yet she did not cry, and she took strength in that.

 _What am I going to do now? I can’t have an abortion, not in a safe way. Maybe I could throw myself down Hershel’s stairs._ Those thoughts had come to her, over and over again. She knew she did not have the courage to do it, however. And that left only one option.

She would need to tell Rick.

She rubbed her eyes. _It’s going to have to come out_. Despite not tracking the days since the outbreak had begun, Lori knew that she hadn’t spent enough time with Rick since his return for the baby to be his. Which meant that Shane was the father. And that was the thought that filled her with terror, that had kept her up at night and saw her in a daze to the point she thought nothing of it when she granted Carl permission to watch target practice. _He can’t know._

Lori felt wild then, desperate. She would do whatever it took to make sure he didn’t know she was pregnant. She couldn’t hate Shane, not after everything he had done for her and Carl especially. But she knew that he wouldn’t let go of her after finding out she was pregnant with his child, and she still remembered that terrifying night at the CDC when he had too much to drink and wanted his way with her. _I need to do something about this. Maybe I won’t show for a couple of months and I can try to pass it off as Rick’s._

Disregarding the thoughts as ludicrous, because they were, Lori looked over from her tent and saw Rick approaching. She could see from a distance that Carl had joined Morales, Patricia, Louis and Eliza watching over the cows not far away from them, and the sight of his crutches was enough to drive another dagger into her heart. _And I’m worried about who the father of this baby is when we’re living in this world, where not one child or adult is safe._

She felt panic bubbling beneath the surface, and she gripped onto her inflatable mattress tightly. _I need to get some air._ Rushing out of the tent, she saw Rick concerned as she stood there, panting heavily as she collected her gearings. He rushed to her, hands out to support her.

‘What’s going on, Lori?’ Rick asked in the same tone of voice he always used when the pair of them had been arguing before the outbreak, and he hadn’t yet rose to her baiting an argument out of him. That more than anything was enough to get her tears flowing. _He’s too good and pure for me, I’ve spoiled him._

Lori looked into Rick’s eyes, so blue you could drown in them. _He deserves to know, even if he hates me._

‘I’m pregnant.’ It was a horror show for Lori, watching the flicker of emotions play through in Rick. At first he looked stunned, and almost happy. But that happiness faded away to confusion, and confusion turned to a feeling of hurt with anger boiling underneath. ‘How can that be?’

Lori turned around, realizing she couldn’t drown in the blue anymore. _This marriage is on its death bed._

‘I’ll ask again. How can that be?’

Not willing to look up at Rick and instead only looking at the flowers growing in the ground Lori replied, ‘Shane and I. We thought you were dead, and we were together for a short while.’ Rick scoffed; disbelief evident in his voice. Lori turned to face him despite herself, knowing she had to look him in the eye. _I can’t keep being the coward in this relationship, not with something like this between us._

Rick looked positively wounded, as if Lori had literally stabbed him in the back. He staggered back a little, and Lori reached out to touch him. He withdrew from her, and Lori felt hurt all over. She knew that hurt would lay like scars, never forgotten.

After what seemed like an eternity, Rick said quietly, ‘I guess this is why he’s been acting so strangely since I came back.’

Lori didn’t know what to say to that, so she kept quiet. _Whatever happens, I won’t tell him about the CDC. I do not want to cause a scene._

Rick looked at her, but Lori felt with his next words that he was looking at a time and place beyond her. ‘I guess I can understand, the two of you thought I was dead and the world was ending. But how could he, how could you?’ His voice cracked. ‘I loved you, Lori. I always have and I always will, but it was never enough for you.’

‘I know,’ Lori wailed. She cringed at how childish she sounded, but she continued. ‘I know you’ve always loved me. And I was stupid enough before all of this to think I needed more, wanted more. But if there is one good thing that has come out of this, is that I know I want you, Rick. I truly do love you.’

‘Don’t,’ Rick said. His eyes closed, he shook his head slightly. ‘I don’t want to hear it.’

Lori cried now, her arms in her face. She was grateful beyond words that nobody had noticed them yet, but that could change at any moment now. She furiously rubbed her tears away, an act she was close to perfecting now.

'Did Carl know?' Rick asked. 

'No,' Lori shook her head vehemently. 'He never knew. We were too careful for anybody to know.'

There was a silence then, and Lori felt as if she would be open to the idea of the earth swallowing her up and taking her away from the domestic that had just played out.

‘I’m going to try and forgive you,’ Rick said. He was still looking at that place beyond her, Lori knew. ‘I need to, for Carl more than anything. But I don’t know if I love you anymore, Lori. You’ve caused me too much hurt, as much as I’ve caused you too much hurt and worry over the years.’ Lori fought the urge to sob, so she only nodded. _That’s fair. It’s more than I deserve._

Sighing, Rick rubbed his head. ‘I don’t know what else I can say about this, really.’

Lori patted her stomach, although she didn’t feel her baby nor did she expect to. It was already a habit she knew she was going to have to put up for the next eight months or so. ‘What about my baby? I don’t expect you to raise him or anything, bu-‘

‘What?’ Rick cut her off. ‘Do you really not know anything about me, Lori? I’ll die for you, and for Carl. Even after this, I would die for you. I’ll raise this baby as my own, because it’s a part of you, Lori. And a part of Carl too. I wouldn’t do any less.’

Lori felt her entire body shake, for as touched as she was by Rick’s speech, she knew she had to say what she was feeling.

‘I don’t want it, Rick.’

With the way Rick reacted once again, Lori feared any more sudden revelations would be one blow too many.

‘What? Why?’ ‘What do you mean, why!?’ For the first time since she confessed, Lori felt a splash of anger of her own and not the hurt she was currently carrying. _Does he really not know?_ ‘Look around you, Rick. Look at where we are. We’re not in our home, we’re at some stranger's house and there’s monsters out there that want to eat us. We’re staying in tents right now in a farm! What kind of life is that?’

It seemed as if the restraint Rick held in his anger towards her over Shane was loosened, and he gave tic for tac. ‘But that doesn’t mean you can just give up on your baby, either.’

Lori exploded. ‘You want me to bring a baby into this? To live a cruel, short life? It’s not right.’

‘Not giving it a chance isn’t right, either.’

She pointed at Carl in the distance, who mercifully hadn’t heard anything yet although Morales frowned at them slightly. ‘We can’t even protect the son we already have, Rick. He’s on crutches because he got shot. His friend is missing, probably killed by those things. There’s been so much death in the past couple of weeks alone. Amy, Miranda, Ed, Jim, Jacqui, Otis.’ She closed her eyes and exhaled breath. _Too many. Too goddamn many_. ‘And that isn’t it all either,’ Lori said quietly. She saw Rick looking at her intently, studying every word she said. _If he thinks he can talk me out of how I feel, then he has another thing coming._ ‘I’m not giving birth in a ditch or raising a baby to grow up cruel and know nothing but survival.’

‘Where is all this coming from?’ Rick pleaded. ‘I’ve been talking to Hershel, trying to get him to get us to stay. If I tell him about this, maybe he will.’

Lori shook her head, thinking of the hints she had picked up from Maggie about her relationship with her father. _I think that would be the trigger to get him to kick us all out._

‘What if that doesn’t work out?’ She asked. ‘What if we’re back on the road, and we get held up by more walkers. What happens when the baby has to cry?’

Rick looked defeated then, and Lori thought he looked the way she felt. ‘Then what do you want to do?’

Lori looked at him sadly. _Has it really come to this?_

‘I don’t know,’ she finally said. ‘I’m asking you.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a weird chapter. I'm really unsure how I felt with the Shane/Andrea part, but I absolutely loved how Rick and Lori's blowout turned out. Also I went really lighthearted with Glenn trying to make up for Maggie, which is a bit unusual for me from this fic which has been pretty grim so far so I'm unsure how people are going to take that. 
> 
> But all in all, I hope you all enjoy!


	14. Day 74

**Day 74**

Rick blinked rapidly as he awoke. He took in his surroundings, and was startled for a moment when he didn’t recognize the room that he was in.

_Where am I?_

His eyes gazed upon the posters, the bookcases and computer desk before he relaxed. It was the room that Maggie had to give up for Carl, and for now as Carl was in his crutches he had been allowed to stay there.

Sitting in the chair with a blanket draped over him, Rick looked over at his son. He was fast asleep, snoring softly. He looked at peace.

Rick looked at him sadly. _He’s never going to get peace if Hershel does kick us out. Maybe Lori is right._

The thought of his wife tightened his stomach like a knife to the gut, so he got up slowly from the chair and placed the blanket over it. His back ached, but Rick made no vocal sign of displeasure. He did not wish to wake Carl up.

As he neared the door, he realised he need not have bothered with the secrecy.

‘Dad?’

Rick turned around to see Carl looking at him, yawning despite the rest he had taken. Hershel had said it wouldn’t be long before Carl no longer needed his crutches, which was a miracle as far as Rick was concerned.

_It could have been so much worse. He might not have been able to walk again, or he might have died._

‘Yes, Carl?’ Rick asked. His night had been plagued with nightmares for thoughts, as most of the late hours of the night and early hours of the morning had not seen him sleep one wink. Instead, he had been consumed by not just the one but two bombshells Lori had dropped on him the previous day.

‘Will we actually find Sophia?’ Carl asked. He had never looked as the scared little boy he was in that moment, biting his lip and looking at his father in a flutter of nerves.

It broke Rick’s heart.

‘We will,’ he went and bent down on knee next to bed so he could be level with Carl. ‘Listen to me, son. We will find her.’

‘You promise?’

‘I promise.’

Carl looked at him, eyes filled with uncertainly. But he was young still, and he believed a promise would always be delivered no matter what. So he nodded, and Rick felt a patch of guilt that he would never be able to shake off.

_We will find her, we have to._

‘I’ll tell you what, Carl,’ Rick made sure Carl was giving him his undivided attention before continuing, ‘once you’re out of your crutches, you can help me look for her if we haven’t found her yet.’

‘Really?’ Carl piped up. Then uncertainly clouded over him. ‘But Mom wouldn’t like that.’

_She wouldn’t, but this is for Carl more than for the both of us. I must be insane for even coming up with this._

‘I’ll speak to Mom about it,’ Rick told Carl. ‘And I’ll teach you to shoot as well. You have to defend yourself in this world, Carl. Sophia getting lost was because she couldn’t defend herself. And if I had given you proper training, you wouldn’t have got shot. You’re going to need to learn to be able to defend yourself so you can survive, Carl. Do you understand me?’

Rick hadn’t intended to be as frank as he was with Carl, but he knew he made the right decision when Carl took in his words, chewed on them as if he would a sweetie. _Lori might be right about the baby, but I’ll be damned if my son ends up not being able to look after himself either._

‘I understand,’ Carl said quietly. He had never sounded as grown up as he did in that moment, and Rick felt a love for his son too deep for words. He hugged Carl tightly and let go once he realised it was too much pressure for the boy.

‘I love you, Carl,’ Rick told him.

‘I love you, too,’ Carl said. ‘But can I just ask, what about Shane? He said he was going to teach me to shoot after I started walking without crutches again. He said he would,’ and just like that he was back to being his eight-year-old son, pouting at the idea of an adult turning his back on words spoken and nowhere close being an adult.

Rick found he was glad. _Let him have these moments, I won’t let him grow older than he has to be._ ‘We’ll see about Shane,’ Rick said, but he knew that no such thing was going to be happening. He didn’t know if he could look his so called brother in the eye again, never mind have him near his son.

As he got up from his knees, Rick saw something lying at the bottom of the bed on the floor. ‘I almost forgot,’ he said as he picked his sheriff’s hat that had fallen down on that terrible night where Carl’s life hung in the balance, ‘this is yours now.’

‘Really?’ Rick had no doubt if he could, Carl would have jumped from the bed and snatched the hat out of his hands.

‘Really,’ Rick smiled as he passed the hat to Carl, who almost immediately grabbed the hat and plopped it on top of his bed. ‘Like I said, you’re going to need to defend yourself. And that hat has always given me good luck.’

‘I’m a cop now,’ Carl grinned. ‘Just like you were.’

‘Just like me,’ Rick smiled. ‘Now get some sleep, Carl. It’s still early in the morning.’

Carl nodded, and he dozed off before he knew it. Rick watched him for a time, before leaving the room and leaving the house.

His eyes lingered on the tent he and Lori shared at the convoy of the group’s cars, although not one of them had slept in the tent with the other during their stay, preferring for at least one of them to be with Carl in the Greene household. He was never more thankful for that decision than he had been last night, even if his back ached from it.

_You need to try and get over this, Rick. She made a mistake._

He rubbed his eyes. He knew that, deep down he did. But he didn’t know where to begin.

‘Rick.’

Rick turned, and saw Dale coming up from the field which sat the old barn, T-Dog by his side. Dale held tightly onto his rifle, as if he expected danger to come at any moment. Rick had to resist thinking the idea was silly, because as peaceful as the Greene farm had turned out to be for the group and its owners, he knew that danger could come at any moment.

_This world has a habit of snatching the rug from under you. Never forget that._

‘What is it, Dale?’ Rick asked as he walked over to meet the two. T-Dog gave him a nod, and Rick gave a nod back. T-Dog had come to Rick about his concerns about the family, and Rick had kept an eye on them for any suspicious behavior.

‘I was going to tell you yesterday, but I wanted to give you privacy,’ Dale panted as if he had run a marathon. ‘I had to tell somebody though, so I told T-Dog here.’

‘Slow down,’ Rick told him. Inwardly he groaned, however. _If he wanted to give me privacy, that means he knows me and Lori had a big blowout. And that means the whole camp knows too._ ‘What is it you want to tell me?’

Dale shook as he said the words, ‘there’s walkers in the barn, Rick. I found out yesterday.’

Rick felt his jaw drop. _Did I hear right?_ He looked at T-Dog for confirmation, and T-Dog nodded.

‘The pair of us watched overnight, in case they tried to break out,’ T-Dog explained. ‘I told you man, something was up with this family. From the way Glenn’s bird freaked out over those walker kills and just their whole attitude. You remember telling me Hershel doesn’t even like calling the walkers? It makes twisted sense now.’

Rick could only nod. He shot an uneasy look at the barn, as if he feared an entire horde of walkers would break out the barn doors at that very moment. ‘I need to talk to Hershel,’ Rick said with a confidence he didn’t quite feel. _This is all I need. And if the others find out…_ ‘There has to be reasonable explanation for this.’

‘I’ll come with you,’ T-Dog said. ‘I’ll like to hear what the old fucker has to say himself.’

‘Now hold on,’ Dale gave T-Dog a stern look. ‘You can’t go to him with that attitude. We don’t want him to kick us out. We still need to be here to look for Sophia, remember?’

T-Dog looked like he might argue, but Rick cut him short before he could. ‘He’s right, T-Dog. I’ll take Dale with me to Hershel, you keep watch on the barn. I’ll feel safer with you at the barn anyway, you’ve had more experience dealing with them.’

T-Dog nodded but he didn’t look happy at the prospect. ‘Okay, I will. But Dale or somebody better take over once you’re done. I’m not spending all day babysitting a bunch of walkers when Sophia is still out there.’

‘I’ll let Dale take over from you,’ Rick agreed. ‘At least until we figure out how we’re going to get rid of them.’

‘Should we tell anybody about the barn?’ Dale asked.

Now that was a thought Rick hadn’t considered. _Should we?_ He thought about the reactions he had received when he had kept the secret Jenner gave him for only a night. _But I didn’t blow up at Dale for sitting on this one through the night, they should be the same._

And there was the thought of how the others would react. He judged that most would be horrified, but they would leave it to him and a couple of others to deal with.

Shane wouldn’t though, for the same reason he wouldn’t leave Lori alone if he knew he was the father.

_He’s a stubborn son of a bitch, always has been. And he’s been not himself recently, I think he will explode over this._

‘We’ll keep it quiet, for now,’ Rick told the two men quietly. ‘Let’s wait and see what Hershel has to say for himself before we go making grand announcements. Both only nodded, accepting his judgement.

With T-Dog walking back to the barn with the sun rising above him, Rick and Dale walked into the house to see Hershel in his house gown seated at his dining table. He was currently reading a passage from the bible, with a glass of orange juice in the hand.

‘Good morning, gentlemen,’ Hershel greeted them as they walked into the room. Rick kept his distance, hand slightly over edge of his gun. _I can’t be sure how he’s going to react if we confront him on the spot._

‘Morning,’ Dale replied merrily enough. He walked over to look out the back window, his eyes on the chickens. He turned around and gave Rick a quick nod, as if to indicate for him to drop the bombshell here and then.

Rick had no plans to, however. ‘Hershel, I’ve found out something earlier that has me worried. And I’m going to ask you to hear me out, because the decision is in your hands entirely and I don’t want to disrespect you as a host.’

Hershel frowned before he took a drink of his juice, but he said politely enough, ‘Well, I will hear you out son. But I don’t know what kind of decision I can possibly make if I don’t know what decision it is I’m making.’

Rick sighed as he placed his hands over the nearest chair, readying himself for support. ‘My wife is pregnant,’ he said. He saw from the corner of his eye Dale’s jaw drop, but he only had eyes for Hershel, who showed no reaction. ‘I know we talked about us possibly staying here for a while, and you said that you would think about it. But I thought you needed to know what you might be getting into if you did agree to letting us stay.’

Hershel closed his eyes and sighed. ‘Rick, you do realise you put me in a difficult position?’

‘I know,’ Rick jumped on his reply eagerly enough, taking it upon himself to sit down opposite of Hershel. Dale remained standing where he was. ‘I do, I mean. But this is what makes it all the more urgent, Hershel. I can’t go out there now, our whole group can’t if one of us is pregnant. The danger that would bring once she has the baby, I don’t even want to imagine.’

_I have to get through to him, I need to get through to him. In whatever way I can._

Hershel grabbed a cloth and wiped his mouth to get away the crumbs. His plate was empty, so Rick had no idea what he had been eating for his breakfast. ‘I see what you’re saying, Rick. I really do. But I do have my family to consider.’

‘And I have mine,’ Rick told him. He did not wait to give a chance for Hershel to be offended in some way. ‘And I’m going to do whatever it takes to keep them safe. And if that means I have to ask you about the barn of sick people you’ve got, I will.’

Hershel’s eyes shot open, and he gave Rick a look of loathing. ‘What were you doing snooping around there?’

Dale quickly rose to Rick’s defence, for which he was truly grateful for. ‘It was not Rick, Hershel. It was me who discovered them. I was going for a walk around the fields yesterday and I just happened across it. I did not wish to offend you, believe me.’

Rick held his breath as Hershel regarded Dale with suspicion, before giving one slight nod before turning to Rick. ‘What is there to talk about?’

_I’m hoping I’m right here. From everything I know about him, I hope I’ve picked up enough clues. If I haven’t, then we will be out of here before we know it._

‘Your son and wife are in that barn, aren’t they?’ Rick asked. He remembered the story Hershel had told him about Shawn and Annette on the morning of Otis’ tribute, and he hoped that he had thrown a dice that would give him satisfactory results.

Hershel sighed, his hand lingering on his bible. ‘They are,’ he said. His voice broke. ‘Them and some others that wandered to the farm, or ones Otis found in the woods when he went hunting.’ He looked up at Rick, eyes shining. ‘We can’t just let them die, Rick. They’re a danger, I know that. But they can be brought back, I know they can. It can’t be like how you said it is, it just can’t.’

Rick sighed himself and closed his eyes, bringing memories to the forefront of his mind. The very first walker he had come across, who had been more skeletal and could barely move due to the lack of legs. And the all too familiar voice of Jenner telling him that death was the trigger to the infection.

_You can’t beat death. Nobody can beat death, they never have._

But he also thought of Lori, and her reluctance to want to bring a baby into the world. And Carl, who had been shot and would have died if not for Shane risking his life for him. Shane himself, who was so entirely different to the fun loving man he used to be because of the things that they had all been put through by the trials the walkers placed upon them with their mere presence.

The three most important people in his life. He would do anything for them. Anything.

_Make a decision, Rick. What’s it going to be?_

He looked at Hershel and made his decision. ‘How did Otis get them to the barn?’

Dale wanted to protest there and then, Rick knew. A part of him wanted to scream at his foolishness for even considering the idea. But Hershel looked at him in a new light, or at least Rick hoped so in a metaphorical sense and not the literal one as the sun happened to shine through the room at that moment.

‘He would just lure them,’ Hershel replied simply enough. ‘Just the sight of him would be enough to lure them all the way to the barn. But when he was near enough to the barn, he would noose them with these trash collector tools. Not the most dignified way to handle them, but it worked.’

_It’s a wonder he didn’t die before we came here._

Rick didn’t look at Dale as he said, ‘will you consider letting us stay, if I picked up where Otis left off? I promise we won’t kill another walker on this land again.’

_Another promise I might not be able to keep, twice in the same morning._

Rick held his breath as Hershel made his decision, feeling the pressure mounting up as every single second passed. _You’ll do anything for your family, never forget that._

Hershel nodded his head. ‘You all can stay if you respect the sick as for what they are, which is what I called them. Sick. Not walkers or monsters, but sick people who just need a cure to be better.’

Going against every survival instinct that was currently screaming at him not to do so, Rick said, ‘we will.’

*

‘What happened?’ T-Dog asked as Rick and Dale approached him. He noted straight away that Dale seemed to be flustered, even more so than he had been when he approached and given him the news the other day.

Rick did not show any sign of nervousness, however, and so it took T-Dog a moment or two to comprehend than it would have been when he said, ‘we’re going to leave the walkers where they are.’

T-Dog blinked once, twice. _Did I hear him right?_ ‘You’re joking, surely?’

‘No, he isn’t,’ Dale cut straight to the chase, not willing to let Rick have a word in edgewise. ‘I stood there and listened to him make a deal with Hershel to keep them there. He’s agreed to lure some new walkers into the barn as part of this deal.’

Rick shot Dale an irritated glance. ‘It’s the only way I could get us to stay on this farm,’ he explained. But T-Dog heard the tone behind the words.

There would be no changing his mind.

‘Why?’ T-Dog asked. _At the very least I can get to the bottom of this madness._

‘Because before blabbermouth over here gets to have his say, Lori is pregnant. And our place here was only ever going to be temporary, until Carl recovered and we found Sophia. I can’t risk us going out into the road to some place that could be overrun for all we know, I just can’t.’

T-Dog heard the moans coming from behind the barn then, and looked behind briefly to make sure they were still confined. He turned to Rick, and disbelief turned to anger.

‘Okay, let me get this straight. You’re happy to keep these fuckers in the barn, and add more of them, but you don’t want to risk your family out on the road?’

‘That’s right,’ Rick said. T-Dog could have throttled him for his stubbornness.

_And his thick headedness._ ‘Don’t you see the contradiction in this?’ T-Dog asked. ‘You’re family will be sleeping near those things. What happens one night if the barn doors break down and all of them are upon us in the middle of the night, the way they attacked the camp.’

‘And not only that, but you could get bitten trying to lure one of them to the farm in the first place,’ Dale pointed out.

Rick glared at them both. ‘I’ve made my decision. If you aren’t happy with it, then do whatever you want. But this is the best way to protect my family, to make sure Lori will deliver her baby safely. I don’t know what else you expect me to do.’

‘I expect you to go up there and shoot them one by one,’ T-Dog said. ‘I’d feel safer if you do. We all would.’

Rick shook his head. ‘Well, if I or anybody does that, that’s it. It’s over. We’re kicked out of here. And how could we even begin to start searching for Sophia when we don’t even our own base? We would have to move on eventually.’

T-Dog felt cold all over at the thought. _That can’t happen._

‘We aren’t saying we should kill them all without Hershel’s permission, Rick,’ Dale said. ‘In fact, I would be definitely opposed to it. It’s Hershel’s home, his land. We don’t make the rules. But he needs to see they are dangerous and need to be put down. We can’t just live by them as if they’re nothing. It would be like living next door to a pack of wolves. Sooner or later, they’re going to attack you.’

‘Look,’ Rick sighed and gave the barn a look of despair. ‘I get all of this. Do you think I don’t? But I can’t just risk us getting kicked out.’ He looked down at the grass then. ‘It would be a death sentence for a lot of us. At least this way, we can keep an eye on them. Make sure they don’t break out.’

_Fuck me, does he believe the bullshit he is sprouting?_

T-Dog went to move then. Rick looked up at him and asked him where he was going.

‘I’m going to look for Sophia, since nobody else seems to give a damn about her,’ was his response. He did not look back at the men or the farm.

As he pondered on the fallout between them, T-Dog looked at the Greene household. He felt depths of fear and disgust that he hadn’t experienced since Veronica’s misjustice. _They’re going to get somebody killed with their foolishness._

Shaking his head, he strolled into camp where he saw Carol emerging from one of her tents. She looked at him, and her face narrowed as she took him in. ‘What’s going on, you look stressed?’

T-Dog shrugged, looking all around the camp. Rows of tents, while the Greene family probably had rooms that could fit them all in if they made compromises. A camp fire in the middle of the camp, when the Greene family were warmed by their gas heating.

_It’s not right. It just isn’t._

‘Nothing, Carol,’ T-Dog said, as he truly didn’t feel like talking about it. Bad enough to have his thoughts swirling around the cesspool of negativity, he would not speak them out loud. ‘I was thinking if you want to head out to the highway again this morning, see if she might be there.’

As always when some allusion was made regarding Sophia, Carol lowered her eyes. ‘Yeah, I think I would like to do that.

‘Well, let’s get to it then,’ T-Dog tried to offer her a smile, but it felt strained.

_I can’t stand to be around here for a second longer, now. I need to cool my head._

*

Hershel was washing the dishes in the basin when Lacey knocked on the door to alert him of her presence.

He turned around to smile, but his smile never formed as Lacey all but stormed into the room, a look of thunder that was promised in her eyes.

‘How could you?’ Lacey asked. ‘I heard everything, dad. How can you let them stay?’

Hershel turned to face his plate, soaking in the hot water. _You need to be considerate; she is hurting._ ‘I asked Rick if he was willing to stick with the rules I will have set for him when it comes to the sick, Lacey. He has said he will respect the rules, so until a moment when one of his group break those rules then they are more than welcome to stay here.’

He didn’t see her, but Hershel knew she was shaking her head violently. ‘That’s bullshit, dad, and you know it.’

For a moment time seemed to stand still as Hershel froze, and an anger that he never knew he was capable took over him. ‘What did you say to me?’

His voice was like ice itself, cool and hiding danger. If Lacey heard the tone behind it, she took no notice.

‘I said it was bullshit, dad. I just don’t know how you can be okay with allowing them to stay. The last time we let people here, Shawn and Annette ended up being infected. You’re risking our lives, all of your children lives by letting them stay!’

Hershel shut his eyes and counted to ten. _She hasn’t gotten over Shawn, I need to remember that._

He turned around to face her, and as he knew she would, she was standing with her arms folded, glaring daggers at him. He pointed his finger at her accusingly. ‘You don’t disrespect me, Lacey. You don’t disrespect your father or the man who allows you to live here, do you get that? You should be grateful that I don’t throw you out of the house right now.’

Lacey scoffed and rolled her eyes. ‘Dad, I’m sick and tired of this. You’re not as scary as you think you are. You’re a man, just an old man who has lost touch with reality here. It seems like I’m the only one that is worried for this family.’ Her eyes welled up with tears then. ‘It’s like you want what happened with Shawn to happen again. And it will happen again, dad. People let you down, they’ve always let you down. Even before all of this.’

Hershel took a step forward, and Lacey flinched as if she expected him to slap her. The flinch was enough to get him to stop however, and the look of terror in her eyes filled him with shame too deep for words.

_You go too far sometimes, Hershel. Too far._

‘Get out of my sight, Lacey,’ Hershel said, and turned around to do the dishes. For the first time in years he felt old, truly old. ‘I don’t want you questioning my decision again. They are here to stay, and that’s that.’

Lacey stormed out of the room. Hershel concentrated on rubbing the plate with a cloth, before trying to pass the plate to the dish rack. The plate slipped from his hand and shattered as it touched the floor.

‘Let me get that, dad,’ Maggie said as Hershel attempted to bent down to pick up the plate. She got a pan and a duster and brushed the fragments into the pan, before emptying the fragments into the bin. He allowed her, and he smiled at her weakly at he sat down.

‘I take it you heard?’ He asked her.

Maggie nodded, and she sat down in the chair next to him. ‘I did,’ she said. She sighed, before reaching out to pat his shoulder. ‘For what it’s worth, I think you’re doing the right thing. They need our help.’

‘They do,’ Hershel said carefully. ‘But I’m worried about Lacey, Maggie. She is not taking this well at all.’

Maggie nodded. ‘Lacey will be fine, I’ll try and talk to her about it. I know she's upset over the group, but she shouldn't talk to you like that.'

_How the shoe falls on the other foot!_ Hershel could have laughed at that if he wasn’t so tired. Instead he said, ‘imagine you being the peacemaker and Lacey the one in argument with me.’

Maggie did laugh for him. ‘Yeah, I never thought I would live to see that day.’

Hershel looked around the room, at all the memories pinned to the fridge door and the decorations hanging on the wall. ‘All I ever wanted was the best for you kids, Maggie. I know we’ve had our differences, but it did hurt me when you left for that college.’

‘I know,’ Maggie said. ‘It hurt me too. But I needed to get out of here.’

‘Because of Annette?’ Hershel pressed. _I hope not. Annette loves you Maggie, even if you don’t see that._

‘Maybe,’ Maggie shrugged her shoulders. ‘But it wasn’t just that, either. I needed to get out of this house, this farm. I needed to do something for myself. We’ve always disagreed on that. But I want you to know I don’t disagree with you on this, dad. I think you’re in the right.’

Hershel sagged as if a burden he wasn’t aware of had been lifted from his shoulders. ‘You think so?’

Maggie nodded. ‘I know so.’

Hershel hugged her tightly, and she hugged him back. _A lot of bad has happened because of this pandemic, but at least I have got my baby girl back._

He let go of her then and looked at her knowingly. ‘What is this I hear about you spending time with that Asian boy?’

Maggie looked and sounded exasperated as she replied. ‘His name is Glenn, daddy. And I hope you don’t give him a hard time because of that. Don’t ruin this, please. I’m just glad you and me are on the same page for once.’

Hershel looked at her, then he nodded. _If there was any daughter or son of mine to be okay on their own that I would trust, it would be you._ ‘Okay, that’s good enough for me. Just so long as he doesn’t play with your heart, or he will have me to deal with.’

Maggie groaned but she had a smile on her face too, and that lifted Hershel’s heart from the pit of despair it was currently at.

*

Lori hadn’t slept, it had been that kind of evening. Now she was out in the open field, watching the cows absentmindedly chew on some grass.

_I wish I could be that empty headed. Just be completely done from this world._

She didn’t hear Morales until he was next to her, and he coughed slightly to tell her of his presence. She turned around, flustered. ‘I’m so sorry, Morales. I didn’t hear you.’

‘Don’t mention it,’ Morales smiled at her. ‘So aren’t the cows the most exciting thing about here or what?’

‘Oh, terrific,’ Lori said dryly as she turned around to watch them eat grass. ‘I was just thinking there I would love to be one. Then again, there would be people back home who probably thought I was one anyway.’

‘I doubt it,’ Morales replied. ‘And if they did, there would just be just jealous people, am I right?’

Lori shrugged. ‘I don’t know, Morales. Sometimes I think they might have had a point.’ She looked down and patted her not-showing stomach. _What am I going to do?_

‘Hey,’ Morales said, so gently that Lori felt obligated to give him her full attention. ‘Don’t let whatever happened yesterday get to you, do you hear me? All couples go through this. God knows me and Miranda had plenty of arguments. Sorry if I’ve intruded, but it’s only natural.’

‘Oh, I know,’ Lori shot him a smile. ‘Believe me, me and Rick have had our fair share of arguments over the years.’ She looked around to see where Rick was, and she saw him down at the barn by himself. She frowned and wondered what he was doing down there.

_Should I ask him?_ It seemed laughable she even had to wonder the answer to that question, but as of now she had no idea how things stood between her and Rick.

‘How are your kids?’ Lori found herself asking, willing to change the subject to take her mind off her predicament. ‘I saw you with them and Patricia yesterday.’

‘Yeah, they’re fine,’ Morales said. ‘Eliza is getting there, poor thing has nightmares about her mom. I’m a little worried about Louis, he hasn’t really reacted in anyway to it. It worries me.’

‘It’s natural,’ Lori told him. ‘Don’t worry about it. He might just be bottling it up for now, and you’ll need to be there for him when he opens up about it.’

‘Yeah, I hope so. But you don’t really hear about kids that age dealing with things like this in that way.’

‘True, but just remember we aren’t dealing with things in a normal way,’ Lori pointed out. _Don’t I know it._ Once again the feeling of guilt hanged around her neck like a noose, and at any moment she felt she was going to be strangled and overwhelmed by the sensation.

_You need to quit this, Lori. It’s not doing you any good._ ‘Where are they now?’

‘In the house playing with the twins,’ Morales answered. ‘Patricia and Beth are looking after them for now. I thought you would be up with Carl, because Rick is down there.’

Lori smiled thinly. ‘I actually thought he was still with Carl until I noticed him down there. I’ll need to go and see him then, he can’t be alone.’

‘I’ll walk you,’ Morales said and Lori agreed, so the two turned around to walk to the house. They made small chat, and as they approached Lori saw Shane approach the pair of them from the corner of her eye.

‘If you’ll excuse me,’ she told Morales. He nodded at Shane before he left, and now it was just the two of them.

If there had been awkward tension between the pair of them before, it was nothing compared to what hung between them now. Just knowing that Rick knew changed her dynamic with Shane, she knew. But Shane still didn’t know Rick knew, she reasoned. He had no reason to do anything to her.

_Unless Rick already told him._

The thought was enough to terrify Lori, and she instantly was on her guard. ‘What are you wanting?’ She asked. She didn’t imagine Shane flinching slightly, as if her pointed question hurt him in some way. The thought was enough to make her laugh at the insanity of it all. _How can I hurt him in the way he has hurt me?_

‘I just wanted to know what Rick is doing down there at the barn?’ Shane asked. He remained polite, far from her distance so he couldn’t reach out to touch her. _He doesn’t know, that’s good._

‘I have no idea,’ Lori told him coolly. ‘Now if you excuse me, I need to go and get Carl. He needs a bit of fresh air.’

She went to go, but Shane stepped forward which made her stop. She looked at him, questioning his motives with her eyes alone.

Shane stepped back, his hands up in the air. ‘I’m sorry.’

Lori only stared at him, before she went into the house. He did not say anything to stop her, and she did not look back at him or to see if Rick had saw the exchange between them. She did not feel anything for him in that moment, neither fear nor regret. And that was a small comfort to have for the nightmare she was having to live.

*

Dale had left Rick behind on duty at the barn, and his mind was racing.

_I don’t want to go against Rick but I don’t think this is a good idea. And I don’t think it’s a good idea that to offend Hershel either. I can see why he doesn’t want to piss him off._

Sighing and clutching tightly onto his rifle, Dale approached and climbed on top of the RV before watching the surrounding fields. On top of the roof and under the sun, watching as the grains whispered and huddled together by the gentle breeze, Dale could almost forget the world was a ruin.

_Don’t be so dramatic, old man. We will bounce back from this, we just have to._

As if to confirm his thoughts, he saw Lori leave the house with Carl on his crutches. He shot a wave at the young boy, who was currently wearing Rick’s hat. Carl smiled back and tried to wave back, but if it had not been for Lori’s gentle support he would have fallen to the ground.

_I haven’t really talked to that boy in a while. I should, just to see how he is doing._

Behind the Grimes matriarch and her son were Morales and his kids, as well as the Greene twins and Patricia. It seemed like the whole lot were planning to have a walk around the field, and Dale could not blame them. _Why shouldn’t they on a nice day like this?_

Placing the rifle down on the roof, Dale grabbed his binoculars and continued to study the fields. Off into the distance, he could see Glenn and Maggie holding hands as they returned from a walk of their own. _I’m glad that boy has found sense to try and be happy._

All around him was happiness manifesting in its own different ways. He wondered with the slightest bit of doubt if he was doing the right thing.

‘No, I need to do this,’ he muttered. Placing the binoculars away, he saw Shane returning from the well with a bucket of water.

_That’s my cue. It’s now or never._

Dale hurried down the RV with his rifle, and approached the man as he neared the RV. Shane looked at him, eyebrows raised. ‘What brings you, Dale?’ He placed the bucket down, water splashing down on his boots.

_And I warned Andrea to watch this guy. You’re such a hypocrite, Dale._

‘I’m concerned,’ Dale said. Shane frowned, but with the way his hand lingered over the gun in his holster, Dale figured he was on the right track.

_Yeah, he is the right guy for the job._

‘Concerned about what?’ Shane asked.

‘Well, haven’t you saw Rick and T-Dog talking to one another more and more often, lately?’ Dale asked. He felt like slime if slime was a person, but he knew that this would be one way to grab Shane’s attention. He had noted Shane often giving T-Dog daggers whenever he would talk to Rick.

‘Yes, what of it?’ Shane’s hands no longer lingered over his gun.

‘They were investigating the Greene family,’ Dale told him. ‘They’ve found out that they are walkers in the barn.’

Shane’s hand settled on the gun, and he all but snarled as he spoke, ‘what?!’

Dale nodded, crossing the boundaries that he knew wasn’t his place to cross. _But lives are at stake, Dale. You cannot, would not be able to live with yourself if somebody died because of it._ ‘Yes, Hershel believes them to be sick people. He won’t speak of killing them, he still believes they are people.’

Shane shook his head. ‘I knew something was up with these folks. Why isn’t Rick popped a cap in every single one of the monsters just yet?’ 

Dale closed his eyes. _Here goes._ ‘He doesn’t want to. He has made a deal with Hershel to keep them here.’

Shane’s eyes widened, and if he had been angry before then he was a bomb seconds away from igniting now. ‘Why would he do that?’

‘Because Lori’s pregnant,’ Dale said. ‘And Rick thinks it’s the only way Hershel will allow us to stay, now that Carl is nearly recovered and it’s looking more and more likely that Sophia isn’t going to be found. T-Dog doesn’t agree with it either, but we couldn’t talk sense into him, Shane.’

Shane suddenly kicked the bucket, splashing the water. Dale took a step back, but it had been too late. His trousers had been soaked. He watched Shane in concern, who was now pacing like a frantic animal. He was a terror to behold.

‘I need to talk to Rick,’ Shane spoke through gritted teeth.

‘You have to be calm, Shane,’ Dale said. His heart beat a little fast. _You wanted this, Dale. You know he would react like this, you can’t play the middle man anymore with a straight face._

‘Calm? You want me to be calm?!’

‘Hey, what’s going on!’ Andrea shouted as she ran over, Arnold and Billy just behind her. ‘Shane, get away from Dale please.’

Shane whipped out his gun, and Dale saw with alarm that Andrea drew her own gun out. _It wasn’t meant to play out like this._ But Shane did not aim his gun at Andrea like he feared.

Instead, he let his mouth run and told Andrea the truth. ‘There are walkers in the barn, and these sick fucks have kept them there for god knows what reason!’ Shane yelled.

Billy paled, but Arnold’s face tightened. Dale’s fingers wrapped around his own rifle, unsure if he had to use it or not. ‘We’re not sick fucks,’ Arnold snapped. ‘They’re people, and we’re trying to help them.’

‘Really?’ Shane let out a laugh, a sound that sounded like nails down a chalkboard to Dale. ‘Really man, that’s what you lot tell yourself? Well, I’m telling you this is over.’

‘Shane, wait?!’ Andrea shouted as Shane took off, and Dale saw that he was running to the barn.

Andrea shot Dale a helpless look before taking off after him, with Arnold not far behind her. However, Billy turned around and ran towards the house, all whilst yelling ‘Dad! Dad!’

Dale stood where he was, watching the chaos he had unleashed and the house of cards that were about to crumble as a result of his actions.

*

‘Well, if we don’t find her today the-‘

‘Don’t,’ Carol cut T-Dog off before he could finish the sentence. ‘Just, don’t T-Dog. Don’t give me lies to comfort me, please. You aren’t like the others in that way, don’t act like them.’

T-Dog kept silent, but he nodded, respecting her wishes. Carol was glad as they walked through the forest, passing trees that were becoming more comfortable and familiar to her than she wanted them to be.

_This is an endless nightmare. It needs to end soon, I don’t know if I can take much more of this._

The pair of them found themselves walking down the pathway with the gas lights after returning from the highway. Once again, there had been no sign that Sophia had managed to find her way back to the highway. The food and water they had left out had not been touched.

‘I’m sick of it, T-Dog,’ Carol said. T-Dog shot her a glance, but he kept his silence. He knew when the right moment was to speak, and for that Carol appreciated him.

_I’ve never had anybody to vent to before. Not in a long time._

‘I’m sick of the looks I get,’ Carol continued to speak. ‘I’m sick of the fact everybody hushes when I walk in. I’m sick of seeing every other parent get to be glad their child is with them, safe and sound while my own little girl is lost out here somewhere, or probably dead.’

She let out a strangled sob then, having said her thoughts out loud for the first time.

_I’m a horrible mother, for thinking such things. But I can’t help it, it’s the only thing I can think of._

‘Here,’ T-Dog said as he lent his arms out and she fell into his embrace, sobbing against his chest. ‘Let it all out.’

Carol did. She cried and cried, and cried some more. ‘It’s too much, T-Dog. It’s all too much.’

T-Dog held her until she was out of tears to cry, and she looked at him gratefully. ‘Thank you, I needed that.’

‘No problem,’ T-Dog said. ‘Are you sure you are okay?’

Carol nodded, although she wasn’t entirely sure herself. _I’m still standing though, I should be grateful for that at least if nothing else._ ‘I’m fine, T-Dog. You must think I’m a terrible person for thinking such things.’

T-Dog only shook his head. ‘You aren’t a terrible person, Carol. Not by a long shot. Terrible things just happen to you. But I don’t believe it.’

‘Believe what?’ Carol asked, looking up at him. He towered over her petite figure.

‘Believe that Sophia is dead,’ T-Dog said. He looked her in the eye, and Carol saw conviction there. ‘She is out there somewhere, and we will find her. Little kids can be resourceful, more than adults think sometimes. We’re going to get your daughter and reunite both of you soon, you can count on it.’

Carol tried to smile, for she felt his words deserved a smile. But she couldn’t form one quite yet, so she patted him on his shoulder. ‘Thank you, T-Dog.’

T-Dog looked at the stones as they continued, before finally saying, ‘Call me Theodore.’

‘Theodore?’ Carol quizzed. ‘Is that you’re real name, then?’

T-Dog nodded. ‘Theodore Douglas. T-Dog is a stupid nickname, truth be told. But it’s a nickname and it stuck, so I got used to just calling myself T-Dog.’

‘Who called you it?’ Carol asked, her arms folded. _He’s good at distracting me, too._ It was a faint thought she had, but she kept it faint. She needed the distraction and welcomed his words eagerly in order to find out more about Theodore Douglas.

‘I honestly don’t know,’ Theodore admitted. ‘Maybe it was my best pal Kevin, he was always an arsehole. Veronica hated it something fierce though. I used to tease her a lot so I think that is partly why I kept it too,’ Theodore shrugged. ‘Just to wind her up, you know?’

Carol smiled softly. ‘You sound like a good brother.’

Theodore shook his head. ‘Nah, I wasn’t.’

Carol insisted, however. ‘You were, _Theodore_. I have to admit, this is going to take some time getting used to. Are you going to tell the others about your change of name?’

Theodore nodded. ‘I’m done being childish,’ he admitted. ‘This world is so fucked up, and I’m still playing about with a stupid name? Nah, I don’t think so. It’s time little Theodore Douglas grew up.’

Carol laughed then, and Theodore looked at her. ‘You aren’t little,’ she pointed out. ‘You tower over me like a giant.’

‘Well, you should have seen the guys I hung out with before all of this,’ Theodore said. ‘They made me look like a mouse. Believe me, I’m not a giant.’

They walked in content silence, and they neared the farm now. Carol looked at Theodore, and puzzled over something in her head. ‘Theodore?’

‘Hmm.’

‘I remember you saying you were going to try and take up praying the other day. I was wondering if you would like to maybe pray with me tonight, for Sophia? I’ll help show you how I do it, if you would like to that is.’

Theodore tensed, and Carol tensed herself as she worried she crossed a boundary. _You’re so stupid, Carol. Ed was right about you, he always was right about you!_

‘I would like that,’ Theodore said at last, and Carol breathed a silent sigh of relief.

It did not last, however. The sounds of gunshots forced them both to a stop, and Carol felt her heart race as she clutched on Theodore’s hand hard. ‘Where was that?’

She saw Theodore’s eyes widen, before he grimaced. ‘The barn,’ was the only thing he said. He shook off her hand and took off running to the direction of the barn, even if it was not visible from where they stood.

Carol cried out his name, but it went unheard. Taking a desperate look around her, Carol followed after the man who had searched and fought for her Sophia the most.

*

Shane ran down the field, his vision narrowing to his brother and the barn.

_Lori’s pregnant!_

‘Stop, you bastard! Stop!’

_Lori’s pregnant!_

Shane felt the force of a body jumping on him. The body slipped as Shane snarled, trying to fight him off. But he did not give up, and his hands reached out and grabbed tight onto his knees and tripped Shane over to the ground.

_Lori’s pregnant!_

Shane quickly pushed himself up with his arms, and swiftly turned around to see Arnold staring at him from the ground. Arnold was attempting to push himself up, but Shane did not let him as he kicked him straight in the face.

‘Shane!’ That was Rick shouting now, racing from the direction of the farm.

_Lori’s pregnant!_

Arnold fell backward onto the grass, and Shane did not let up. He went and kicked Arnold in the gut, and it did not begin to scratch the surface of his satisfaction as Arnold immediately puked up his breakfast.

‘Shane!’

A gunshot rang out, and Shane turned around in alarm, hands held tight on his gun.

Andrea held her gun in the air, one hand raised upward. She gave him the same look she had when he had beaten Ed to near death all those years ago, the same look of horror and fascination at how raw he was becoming.

Shane heard screams, and he turned around to see Rick running up to him, and not far to his left were all of the kids, including Morales, Patricia and Lori.

Lori was looking at him in horror before she turned around to face Carl to make sure he was okay.

_This needs to end, right now. She needs to know I’ll do whatever it takes to keep her and Carl safe. Whatever it takes._

‘Shane, what the fuck?!’ Rick roared. ‘What is wrong with you!?’

It was the wrong thing to say. Shane was like a keg powder, and the powder went off like bang. ‘What is wrong with me!? What the fuck you mean what is wrong with me!? What is wrong with you, more like it!?’ Shane waved his gun, and Rick raised his arms to show he wasn’t intending to shoot.

It did not matter to Shane. All he saw was a danger to the very family he swore to protect.

‘Get out of the way, Rick. Let me take care of it! I’ve always went and cleaned your messes up, it won’t be the first time.’

‘I can’t let you do it,’ Rick spoke in that calm, maddening way that only drove Shane to sheer madness. ‘Brother, Shane, listen to me. I can’t let you do this.’

‘What is going on here!’ Hershel Greene roared.

Shane turned around, and he laughed as he saw Hershel jog, Lacey, Billy and Beth not far behind him. Dale was further behind, but it wouldn’t be long before he caught up to the mess that was unfolding. Glenn and Maggie were also approaching, and he had no clue where T-Dog and Carol were.

_Probably looking for a girl who is never going to be found._ The thought caused him to bark a harsh, bitter laugh.

‘I’m putting an end to it, that’s what I’m doing!’ Shane shot back. He turned around, not bothering to hear Hershel’s rebuttal. Rick got in Shane’s way, but Shane tried to push him away. Rick resisted however, and Shane swung for him.

His fist connected with Rick’s nose, but before he could swat Rick away like a fly, Rick gave as good as he got and punched Shane once, twice. Shane felt the blood trickle down his nose, but it did not matter.

He swirled around, never feeling more like the lone sane man surrounded by insanity. The entire group had showed up then, all of them watching in horror but not daring to approach in case he tried something with the gun in hand.

He raised the gun in question casually, as if he were some gangster from a movie. _Might as well be, the way they look at me._ He aimed the gun at Rick.

Shane did not know what he intended to. From the corner of his eye he saw Andrea raise her gun, pointing it at him. Hershel had slowed down, and both Billy and Beth were supporting him. Lori was shielding Carl as far as she could.

A moan interrupted his intentions, and Shane saw the walker approach from afar behind Rick.

‘Perfect!’ Shane yelled. ‘Here’s a biology lesson for y’all. Stand aside, Rick, unless you want to be walker chow!’

‘Shane!’ Rick gritted his teeth, but it made no effect on Shane. He just motioned for Rick to move aside, which he did. Judging by his snarling, he was not happy with him.

_Fuck him. And fuck him again, if he is foolish enough to believe my baby is his._

The walker approached; hands outstretched as they always were. It was a female, in a pantsuit. The pantsuit in question had holes through the fabric, exposing elements that nobody in their right mind would show.

_Who can see this monster and think she’s a fucking person?_

‘Are you watching, Hershel!?’ Shane yelled.

Voices rang all around him. ‘Shane! Don’t do this!’ _Rick._ ‘Stop this or my daddy is going to kick you all out!’ _Maggie._ ‘You’ve lost your mind!’ _Hershel._

‘No, you lost your mind!’ Shane snapped. ‘You think a living person can walk away from this?’

He fired his gun, aiming for the walker’s stomach. The walker flinched slightly backward, but she kept on her pursuit of the humans.

One of the kids cried, and Shane thought it might have been Carl.

‘Those fuckers don’t feel a damn thing. Would a living person be able to keep going without crying from this?’

Shane aimed carefully, and fired at the walker’s kneecaps. She fell with a snarl to the ground, but she used her arms to crawl forward, jaws snapping and no tears falling from her injuries.

‘Shane, enough!’

‘Yeah, that is enough,’ Shane said as he marched forward, aimed his gun and put the walker out of her misery.

He turned around and was elated to see the mixture looks of horror, disbelief, fear and hatred from everybody surrounding him, most in particular the looks from the Greene family.

‘That’s right,’ Shane panted. ‘That wasn’t murder, you stupid cunts. That was me putting a monster out of her misery. A monster that would kill us to eat us. Jenner was right, they don’t feel. They don’t become ill like we do, they don’t flinch from killing and eating people like we do!’

He inched nearer to the barn, and he saw Rick raise his own gun at him. Shane shook his head and continued marching forward to the barn. He did not worry about Rick shooting him, as he knew he would never dare.

‘These are the fuckers that killed Otis!’ Shane took a look at Patricia, who covered her mouth. ‘These are the fuckers that killed Amy!’ Shane shot a look at Andrea, who still had her hands on her gun. _Good, she is going to need it._ ‘Miranda!’ Shane called out to Morales. ‘Jim! And Jacqui killed herself just to get away from that. Tell me, are these monsters worth locking up in a barn and keeping alive? I don’t think so.’

Shane reached the door, and he lifted the barrier that held the door in place. The moans in the barn were at a heightened frenzy now, after having heard the shouting and the shooting.

_Bring it on._

Shane grabbed the handle of the barn door and pulled.

Madness followed.

*

Rick instantly backed away as the door opened, and drew his gun. Andrea and Dale ran to his side, both with their own weapons out.

Shane ran forward with his own gun, and behind him the first walker marched out. From the strangled cries of Lacey and the twins, Rick figured this was Shawn.

_Keep your cool, Rick. You’ve got to protect your family. That hasn’t changed._

Aiming his gun, Rick fired. The bullet struck Shawn down, but another walker emerged from the barn. And it was open season after that, as another walker would emerge and then another.

Rick fired again, and Andrea fired, and Dale fired and Shane fired. All four stood side by side, shooting the walkers as soon as they would make their first appearance in the sunlight for who knew how many days.

The sounds of the dead were madness, their screeches reminding him all too well of the army he had faced down in Atlanta on his horse. What layered the top of the massacre unfolding were the screams and cries of his group, most particular the members of the Greene family. It blended in with the moans of the walkers in a horrible way.

Rick did not dare to look at any of them however, his focus needed to be on the upcoming danger. So he fired and fired, taking careful aim to make sure that he hit his target perfectly.

One bullet struck the shoulder of a walker, but Andrea finished that walker off with a bullet to the head. Dale’s rifle took a head almost clean off a walker, and Shane fired three bullets in quick succession on one walker’s head.

It was a bloody mess. And before Rick knew, it was over.

There was a stunned silence afterwards, broken only by the silence of sobbing from the Greene family. Rick instantly turned around to see Hershel, who had sunken to his knees and looked in disbelief at the barn massacre. Beth was sobbing her heart out but she held onto her father to support him. Her father was pale as chalk, his eyes not moving.

_He looks dead himself._

Rick chanced a glance at Shane, who was panting and taking in the sight of the broken bodies scattered around like pebbles scattered into the wind. Rick would have taken comfort if Shane had simply looked smug if he could not get disturbed by what he had just done, but the word that came to mind was _animalistic_.

Shaking his head, Rick finally reached out with his eyes for Lori and Carl. Carl had broken down on the floor and Lori was cradling him. The other children were also being comforted by Morales and Patricia. He heard panting, and Rick looked up to see T-Dog with Carol behind him running to see what had just unfolded.

_What we do we do now?_

A small gasping sound wheezed, and Rick turned around to face the barn.

At first he could only see two little shoes underneath the unopened barn door, and those shoes staggered to their right so their owner could get out of the barn.

Sophia Peletier staggered out like so many that had come out before her, her hands reaching out almost as if to shield herself from the brightness of the sun.

Rick felt the air knocked out of him. He couldn’t breathe as the girl stepped out fully into the sunlight, and her entire skin was sunken in and grey as an elephant’s skin. She hissed as she saw the entire group in front of her, and her hands reached out.

‘Sophia,’ Carol’s voice was barely above a whisper at first, Rick almost never heard her. But her second, ‘Sophia’ was more urgent, and her third was a harrowing scream.

‘Sophia!’

Carol ran forward, and if it were not for T-Dog tackling her to the ground Rick thought she would have ran over to her little girl and wrapped her arms around her. She sobbed as T-Dog held onto her and clung onto him for support as she continued to cry.

Rick had never heard such a harrowing cry in his life. A mother’s cry which could only come from having outlived her daughter.

He looked down as the girl moved forward and looked at Shane. Shane looked as defeated as everybody must have felt in that moment, but Rick took no satisfaction in seeing his brother in that way.

_It has to end. Somebody has to end it._

But nobody moved. Nobody bar Sophia, who continued to move forward, her eyes set for the four who had taken out all of the walkers who had been living with her for the past week in the barn. It was as everybody had been rooted to the spot and could not move if their lives depended on it.

Rick closed his eyes, opened them, and moved forward.

The world spun around him, and Rick felt dizzy. But he kept walking, and he slowly but surely raised his gun at the girl he had promised his son to find.

_Listen to me, son. We will find her._

_You promise?_

_I promise._

And now here she was, found at last.

Sophia looked up at him. Her blue eyes were gone now, replaced by a hideous yellow that reminded Rick of a reptile. She snarled; no trace left of the girl that she once had been.

Rick looked down at her, his finger on the trigger.

Sophia reached up to him, and Rick owed it to her to look at her without closing his eyes as he pulled the trigger. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, Sophia's death is absolutely iconic to me. I know people were kinda hoping things would turn out different for her, but to me Sophia's death is one of three that was absolutely essential to the show (I won't name the other two, but I will when I get to them) and it's also the scene that had me hooked on the show all those years ago. I had to include it. 
> 
> But expect some changes coming forward now as we're entering a stage where you are going to see some true remixing going on. You've already seen a bit with my Dale pushing Shane into doing what he did.
> 
> Also, I needed to change T-Dog to Theodore. It will be a gradual process, some characters will still see him as T-Dog. But I never appreciated just how stupid a name T-Dog actually was until I started writing this story and doing serious scenes with him lol.


	15. Day 74 - Night 74

Rick lowered the gun and dared not look at Carl, whose sobbing he heard above the cries of all those from the Greene family.

Instead, he only focused on the little girl lying dead at his feet. Sophia had collapsed to the ground like a sack of potatoes. She would no longer laugh or cry or smile or frown or run or walk or jump or sit. Her life was extinguished, and it had been for under a week.

_I’m so sorry._

Rick could not help himself but look up at Carol, who only looked at Sophia in defeat. T-Dog was holding her for support, murmuring words into her ear but Rick doubted she was taking them on board. Her entire world was gone, and there would be nothing left in this earth that could replace it.

_And she’s not the only one who lost something._

Rick chanced to turn around and see Hershel, who was on his knees. Billy was comforting him, and never looked so much as a man as he did in that moment, a son taking over for his father. Beth was crying openly into her arms, while Lacey was puking. Arnold himself sat on the grass, looking at the broken bodies in disbelief.

‘C’mon, dad,’ Billy was saying. ‘Let’s get you out of here.’

Rick saw Maggie approach Hershel, furiously wiping away her own tears. Glenn followed not far behind her, although Rick noted the caution he was displaying. Not too close, not too far.

Rick did not know if it was the sight of Glenn assisting the family or just the family in general attempting to move away from the sight of the dead, but Shane was once again fuming like a bomb about to go off at any moment.

_He’s certainly blown our chance at living here away now._

‘You knew!’ Shane snapped. ‘You knew this whole time she was in there and you said fucking nothing!’

‘Otis did,’ Hershel replied. His voice was small and fragile. Maggie and Billy were supporting him as they moved to the house, Lacey not far behind. Arnold sat where he was, and Beth wandered over to try and comfort the twins, who were crying into Patricia’s embrace. ‘Otis was the one…’ Hershel trailed off, as if he did not quite know where he was. Rick suspected that was true.

‘That’s convenient,’ Shane was stalking the family now heading up the hill, past the oak tree. ‘The dead man can’t speak up for himself, so you pile the whole blame on him.’

‘Leave us alone!’ Maggie snapped back herself. ‘Haven’t you done enough?’

‘So you okay with this, huh?’ Shane asked. ‘You okay with us risking our lives, looking for a girl that was dead and gone the whole time when you knew damn well that she was in there!’

At his words, Carol let out a strangled wail. It was a shocking sound, and Rick turned to see her fighting off T-Dog’s attempts to hold her. He let her go after several seconds, and she stormed off, not once looking back to see Sophia on the ground.

Carol’s action drove Rick into action himself, as he stalked off after Shane. Andrea, he noted, followed just close behind him with her gun in hand.

‘Shane,’ Rick called out. ‘Goddamn it, Shane. That’s enough! Leave them alone.’

‘I won’t, Rick,’ Shane snarled. ‘They’re disrespecting a dead man to cover up their own fucked up shit, I can’t stand that.’

‘It was Otis!’ Hershel repeated, more to himself than Shane. ‘He handled it all. He was always out hunting. He must have found her on the day he shot Carl.’

Shane scoffed, and he went to grab Hershel by the back to turn him around and face him. Maggie was quicker than Shane however, and despite him towering over her, she turned around and gave him a big slap across the face.

‘Enough!’ She shouted. ‘Just get the fuck away from us!’ She was screaming now, a look of panic across her face. Maggie had seemed calm and collected up until that point, but Rick knew if Shane tried anything more, she would have been pushed over the edge and do something she might regret later.

 _Just like Shane had been._ He did not wish to see the fallout of that, however.

‘Right, c’mon, Shane,’ Rick said as he grabbed Shane’s shoulders roughly to drag him away from the fleeing family. ‘Let them be.’

Thankfully, Shane allowed himself to be dragged back, even if Rick knew he could have caused a fight if he wanted to over the matter. Shane pointed a finger at the retreating figures. ‘That’s right, run you fucking cowards!’

‘Shane!’ Rick roared, and he turned Shane around to focus on him and only him. ‘You’ve lost your mind! It’s done, it’s over with. Let it be.’

‘Oh man,’ Shane only shook his head and laughed his bitter laugh, ‘It’s not over until I say it’s over. I’m just getting started.’

‘I want you all gone!’ Hershel roared now. He had finally found his voice, and the same iron steel he possessed when he was presenting himself as the patriarch of the Greene family to his children was out in full force. ‘Get out of my house! Get out of my farm! Stay away from my family!’ At this Glenn stopped in his tracks, as Hershel glared at them all. ‘Just let us be!’

There was a stunned silence as Hershel allowed himself to be escorted into the house by Maggie and Billy, followed by Lacey. Rick let go of Shane, and both men looked at one another, harsh breathing and eyes that shot daggers at one another.

_You’ve fucked everything up, absolutely everything for my family._

For the first time in his life, Rick found himself hating Shane Walsh.

*

‘C’mon, Rachel. Susie. It’s going to be alright, just come back home with me,’ Lori could hear Beth saying softly to the twins, who were still crying into Patricia’s arms. ‘We need to get away from the barn.’

One of the girls replied, although Lori did not know which one was which. ‘Why did he do that?’

_Because he’s not in his right mind. Because he’s dangerous, and that’s the father of your baby._

Lori looked down to see Carl, who had burrowed his head into her chest. He had allowed himself to take in the barn massacre, try as she might to shield him from it. He had seen everything from start to finish, and now his hopes of finding Sophia had been shattered into a million pieces.

‘It’s going to be okay, son,’ Lori murmured as she stroked his hair. ‘It’s going to be okay.’

Carl continued to cry, giving no indication that he had heard her at all.

Lori looked up to see Carol breaking away from T-Dog and wandering over as if in a daze to see Sophia’s body. Carol let out a strangled cry, almost like a moan as she bent down on her knees to gingerly touch her little girl’s hair.

T-Dog walked over to support Carol as he had been since the disaster had unfolded, and Lori saw him lean in to say something. It had been the wrong thing to say apparently, as Carol shot up in a flash, her daughter behind her as she turned around to yell. ‘No, it’s not going to be okay, Theodore! My little girl is dead, gone! I can’t-‘

T-Dog went to hold her, but she pushed him off. She gave him one slap, two slaps against his chest, but he did nothing to stop her.

‘She’s dead!’ Carol wailed. She looked down at Sophia, and then to all the people watching her as if she were in a performance. ‘You all let her down,’ she said harshly, before storming off away from the barn.

The words cut deep; Lori could not deny. She kissed Carl’s head softly, fighting back to hold tears. _She’s right._ _I was so caught up in my own drama that I barely spared a thought to Sophia._ She felt the all too familiar feeling of despair overwhelm her, and she did not know if she could get her and Carl to move from the ground.

T-Dog only watched Carol in what must have been his own fit of despair. Lori had never seen the man look so lost. He turned to look down at Sophia, and he sighed.

Andrea stepped in, then. She had gone somewhere, Lori hadn’t even noticed her absence until now, but she was currently carrying a blanket. She stepped down besides the girl, and softly covered her up with the blanket.

Out of sight. Never out of mind.

It was the voices that made Lori turn around sharply, to see her husband and the man who had caused all the commotion.

‘I can’t believe you, Rick!’ Shane was not letting his voice be quiet. ‘You were really willing to go along with that charade, for what!?’

‘I was!’ Rick snarled back. ‘But you did a pretty good job of pissing all over what could have kept this whole group safe. That’s why I was willing to do it. It would have been easy handled.’

‘Oh yeah?’ Shane shot back. ‘Easy handled, huh? What happens if about a hundred walkers come down here, like they did at the highway? You think they all just going to fit in that barn, or that you could even lure them into the barn in the first place like a row of ducks? Get some common sense, man. This was a disaster waiting to happen!’

‘This place is out hidden away from everything else,’ Rick replied. ‘That many walkers isn’t going to come flooding here unless you go attracting attention and making noise, which is all that you have been doing in the last hour!’

‘Well, it’s not my fault that I care about your family more than you do!’

That was the straw that would break any camel, and Lori felt a hush of shock flood all over her. She could not help but look down at Carl, who was staring at his father and uncle-figure openly, taking in every word.

She could not help but think of a similar argument she had with Rick before the apocalypse. She had looked for every word that could be used as a weapon against the man she loved in that fight, and she knew now that Shane must have heard all about it from Rick and had used the words as a deliberate and twisted echo.

‘C’mon, let’s get out of here,’ Lori whispered to Carl. He nodded absently minded, and eerily enough he reminded Lori of Carol in the trance she had been in when she approached Sophia’s body.

_What is happening to us? We’re going to destroy this boy, never mind the baby if we keep on going the way we are going._

Shane had stormed off before Rick could reply, Lori noticed as she got Carl up from his crutches. Lori was glad, for she did not know what she would do if he had approached the pair of them. Rick was walking towards her now, a look in his eyes that was all too reminiscent of the one she had seen in both Carol and Carl.

_Do we all look like that now? Have we went through too much that we’re always in a state of shock now, no matter what?_

‘C’mon, here,’ Rick said, and he hugged his family tight. Lori allowed him to do so, not daring to believe that it was happening at all. Before the barn, Lori had resigned herself to the fact he would never touch her in a comforting gesture again.

‘Are you okay, Carl?’ Rick asked.

Carl looked up at him. His sheriff’s hat was on top of his head, and Lori thought he looked every inch his father’s son. Even though he took after her side of the family gene pool more, the way he looked at Rick with all seriousness in his heart was just like Rick when he was determined.

‘I will be,’ Carl said. If it had not been for the tear streaks down his face, Lori would not have thought he had been crying. And that thought was enough to break Lori. _He’s lost his innocence._

Lori would have wept, but she did not think there was enough tears in the world to cry over what her son had just lost.

‘Good, good,’ Rick sighed. He looked at Lori, and he never looked so tired. ‘We’ll get through this, somehow. We will.’

Lori did not trust herself to speak, so she only nodded.

Rick turned around to look at the scattered bodies all over the ground. T-Dog had walked away, and only Dale and Andrea remained. He narrowed his eyes at the pair, although Lori did not know why. She did not know if she would get an answer.

‘We will get through it,’ Rick repeated himself as he let go of his family. He turned to address all those who were there. Lori noticed that Morales was helping support his children, Patricia, Rachel and Susie back to the house. Glenn had wandered back to the ground, hat off for once and clutching onto the item with two hands.

‘We need to bury them,’ Rick said. ‘Not the walkers that held no meaning, but Sophia,’ his voice cracked at that, and Lori wanted nothing more than to go and hold him. ‘Sophia, Annette and Shawn,’ he carried on.

‘Bury the ones we love, and burn the rest,’ Andrea piped up. Rick nodded, and said, ‘that’s right enough. We have to give our respects for the Greene family, it’s the least we could do after-‘ he trailed off, but he didn’t need to finish his sentence. Everybody knew which he was referring to.

She saw Arnold get himself up from the ground, and he wandered over. His eyes lingered onto Sophia, covered by her blanket. ‘You’ll need one of us to point them out,’ was all he said.

‘That’s right,’ Rick said. He went to touch Arnold on the shoulder, hold him for support. ‘I’m so sorry, Arnold. For what Sha-, for what we all did.’

Arnold only nodded. ‘That’s alright,’ he said. He pointed at a figure on the ground. ‘That’s Annette.’ The figure on the ground was in her best church clothes, Lori noted. Or they had been, now they were covered in dirt and soot. Her transformation and duration as a walker had erased any pretty features she once had, but she seemed more at peace now than she would have been.

‘And that’s Shawn,’ Arnold ignored the crack of his own voice as he pointed out his brother. Lori could not make Shawn out, for he was buried beneath two others bodies.

‘Thank you,’ Rick said.

Lori held onto Carl, caressing his hair. _And what comes after we bury them?_

*

The atmosphere at the Greene household was a suffocating one.

Maggie sat at the head of the dining table; a seat usually best reserved for her father. But he had been led up to his bedroom and he had buried himself under the covers, wishing to hide away from the outside world and all the horrors it had to offer.

Maggie did not blame him. She just wished she could do the same.

Around the table sat Arnold, Lacey, Billy and Beth. Morales and Patricia had taken Rachel, Susie and Morales’ kids to another room of the house, although Maggie feared with every passing minute how Hershel would react if he got out of his room and saw Morales in the house.

_He would go crazy._

But Maggie realised that wasn’t quite true. She feared that what he had just been through would break him, and that he had no more fight left in him.

‘They need to go,’ Lacey said. It was the first any of them had spoken since they had entered the house. She looked into the distance as she said it, as if she could see beyond the walls and was focusing strictly on the group. ‘I’ve said it since day one. They were going to bring trouble to us, and now they’ve killed my brother and Annette.’

Maggie squirmed uncomfortably as she noticed Beth flinch. Billy only sat there, looking into the same void Lacey had been.

_She’s not entirely wrong. They have brought trouble with them. You know that, Maggie._

But she had seen for herself what Shane had been doing with the sick woman before he opened the barn. How he had fired bullets into her, and still she had kept on coming. And she had shared a horrified glance at Glenn at the time, as if seeing the world for what it was for the first time.

_And Glenn. If they get kicked out, he’ll get kicked out too._

Maggie closed her eyes, feeling the beginnings of a headache.

‘No,’ it was Billy who spoke, and that surprised Maggie enough to stare at him. Lacey shot her brother a wicked glare, something that wasn’t out of place in her typical facial expressions.

‘What do you mean, no? You saw what they did!?’ Lacey’s voice rose, and Maggie found herself standing up and gripping her hands tightly on the wooden table.

‘Enough,’ she hissed. ‘Dad, Rachel and Susie are all upstairs, they don’t need to deal with your shouting.’

Lacey pointed a finger at Billy. ‘I wouldn’t need to shout if our brother had a lick of sense.’

‘No, it was us who didn’t have any sense!’ Billy roared now, and even Maggie was taken aback enough not to scold him for his shouting. _He’s never stood up to Lacey before, never._ ‘For all these months we’ve just been piling that barn up with monsters. Mom and Shawn, they died a long time ago and we were too dumb to see it. Dad was too dumb to see it!’

‘How can you say that!?’ Lacey shouted back. ‘Shawn and your mom weren’t dead, they were going to get better!’ Maggie heard the hysteria in her voice now. ‘They would have gotten better if it wasn’t for those arseholes out there.’

‘Oh, really?’ Billy replied coolly. ‘I guess I was the only one who saw that woman not even flinch after getting shot a few times. What kind of person is able to walk away from that? She certainly doesn’t need to get better if she can walk away from a gunshot.’

‘No,’ Maggie said. Her voice was quiet, and it had the intended effect of making both Billy and Lacey look at her. ‘You weren’t the only one, Billy. We all saw it. And Lacey,’ she looked her sister in the eye, trying to be as gentle as she could. _This is going to be like ripping off a band-aid._ ‘Billy’s right. We were wrong. Whatever Shawn and Annette were, they died a long time ago.’

Lacey glared at her, and Maggie took a shuddering breath. _Why do I have to be the strong one all the time? Lacey is older than me, she should be taking care of us._ But Lacey didn’t go into a rant, like Maggie feared. Instead she scoffed and turned away from them all, storming up the stairs as she did so.

Maggie sighed, and just then the door knocked. ‘I’ll get it,’ she told Billy as she went to see who it was. Opening the door, she saw Glenn. He looked at her, eyes filled with concern. ‘Are you okay?’

Maggie broke into tears then, and she threw herself around Glenn in a tight hug as she let her tears go. _I’m not okay. I never will be._ Glenn held onto her just as tight, and patted her back softly.

‘It’s going to be okay,’ Glenn told her.

Maggie allowed herself to disappear into his embrace, letting the words soak in and grabbing onto them tightly. She realised she needed this, for somebody to just comfort her and be the strong one for a change. _I’m just so tired._

Gently easing away from her, Glenn still held her by the shoulders as he said, ‘is there anything I can do for you? I’ll do it for you, you don’t need to worry about it.’

Maggie shook her head. ‘Just hold me, that’s all I want.’

‘Okay,’ Glenn said, and he held her.

After what seemed like eternity, she realised Glenn was saying something to her and she blinked. ‘I’m sorry, Glenn. I disappeared there. What is it?’

‘It’s okay,’ Glenn still held her in his embrace, but Maggie eased herself from him gently so she could listen to him more clearly. _It was nice while it lasted. I won’t forget that._ ‘I was just saying, we’re going to bury Shawn and Annette. Sophia too. Arnold’s given us his blessing; I think he would like for you all to be there when we do.’

Maggie nodded. ‘I guess I’ll need to tell my daddy about it. Where are you going to bury them?’

‘By the oak tree,’ Glenn told her. ‘Next to Otis. They should be next to loved ones.’

Maggie felt her heart melt. _I haven’t known you for long, but I think I love you._ The thought was enough to frighten her, however. She had been practical her whole life, she did not see why she would throw all caution into the wind.

_Especially now. You’ve allowed yourself to relax for now, but you need to get your head back in the game. Your family needs you._

‘That’s nice,’ Maggie said. ‘I’ll go and tell my dad the now. You want to come in?’

‘No,’ Glenn shook his head. ‘You all need your space, and your dad wanted nothing to do with us for now. I don’t want to disrespect him.’

Maggie nodded, her hand on the door handle. ‘Thank you, Glenn.’ She did not know what she was thanking him for, whether it was for respecting her father’s wishes and her family’s need for space in their mourning, or for being there for her when it seemed nobody else was going to be.

Glenn gave her a smile that lightened her world. ‘No problem.’

After saying her goodbyes and closing the door, Maggie saw in the living room that Beth was huddled up against Billy as he held her on the couch, murmuring soft and gentle words to her. _At least Billy is stepping up too. I don’t need to be entirely alone._

Clasping her hands, Maggie walked up stairs and found her pace slowing as she neared her father’s room. She was nervous, she found. _I don’t know what I’m going to find when I come in here._

‘Dad,’ she said. ‘Dad, it’s me.’ She was behind his door, ready to open the door once he answered.

There was no answer, however. Maggie bit her lip and knocked on the door softly. ‘Dad, is it okay if I come in?’

When minutes passed and there was still no response, her fear mounted up. _Something’s wrong._ Maggie twisted the handle and opened the door, dreading what she was going to find.

Hershel was still in his bed, huddled underneath the covers. He did not show any reaction to Maggie bargaining in as he would have done if this had happened any other day. _But this isn’t just another day. Not by a long shot._

‘Dad?’ Maggie asked, quiet as a mouse. She did not know how her father would react to the news she was about to deliver. ‘Are you okay?’

Maggie feared Hershel wasn’t going to respond, but he did. And with how his voice sounded, completely and utterly defeated by the world, Maggie almost wished he didn’t. She had never heard him sound the way he did, not even after her mother had died. ‘I’m far from it,’ Hershel sighed. He turned around to look at her now. ‘What is it, Maggie?’

Maggie swallowed. _This is going to be more harder than I thought it would have been._ ‘They’re arranging a funeral, for Shawn and Annette,’ Maggie blinked back tears. ‘You should be there. We all should be there.’

Hershel only looked at her, before turning around to face the wall. ‘You can go, Maggie. All of you can if you wish to. But I’m not going.’

Maggie was taken aback. ‘What? Why not?’

Hershel kept looking at the wall. ‘Because I failed them, Maggie. And I’ve failed the rest of you most of all. How can I face anybody when I couldn’t even face my own stupidity all these months?’

‘You didn’t fail us,’ Maggie said. Her voice was quiet, she was stunned by her father’s confession. ‘You never have. You’ve kept us all safe for these past couple of months.’

Hershel scoffed. ‘I kept you in danger these past couple of months. Those things could have broken out at any moment and killed us all.’ He sighed again and still not making a move from where he was lying on the bed continued, ‘it’s for the best I don’t come, Maggie. I need time to myself.’

Maggie’s shock gave away to anger, and she could not help herself as she lashed out. ‘Then stay!’ she told him. She hated how she sounded; knew her words would hurt but she could not stop them from coming out of her mouth. ‘You’re good at hiding away from your mistakes. You never bothered caring about me when you brought Annette into this house. Why should you be there and support your other kids that have to deal with their mother being dead when you couldn’t even do it with me?’

She turned around in a fury and slammed the door, not looking back as Hershel continued to watch the wall.

*

Theodore dug into the ground with a shovel and shovelled the dirt away from the hole he was creating. His shirt stuck to him with sweat, but he hardly noticed. His only focus was on the shovel, and the hole he was creating.

_For her._

He stopped then, and furiously wiped the sweat and muck from his face before resuming. _Don’t think about it, Theodore. Just don’t think about it._

Yet it was all he could do. The moment Sophia had stepped out from the barn, it was over. Veronica was now more frequent in his mind than ever, and his mother’s own cries over her had blended in disturbingly well with Carol’s cries. It was a swirling cesspool of emotion that threatened to bury him, and he thought briefly that he would be as well burying his own grave.

‘T-Dog.’

He grimaced at the voice and turned around to see Rick. Rick was also covered in dirt, for it had been the two of them, Glenn and Arnold who were digging the graves. He did not know where Shane was to assist them.

 _Or Carol, for that matter._ He used the shovel to support himself, not eager to collapse over thoughts that were not doing him any good.

‘What’s up?’ Theodore asked.

‘I was wondering if we could talk, in private maybe?’

Theodore thought about it, before nodding. He could do with the break, he decided. Even if he didn’t necessary want to talk with Rick.

He followed Rick past the oak tree and near the barn, where the bodies still lay. Theodore wrinkled his nose in disgust, in part because the stench of bodies was becoming more of a distant memory each day he had spent in the farm.

_You were becoming too lax here. All of you were._

‘I just need to ask,’ Rick started, ‘did you tell Shane about the barn?’

Theodore narrowed his eyes. ‘No, I did not,’ he said. ‘You aren’t a stupid man, Rick. You saw me and Carol coming back from searching for So-.’ Theodore looked at the ground, unable to finish the name. ‘From what I can tell, Shane had just found out himself.’

‘And I doubt Hershel would have told him, so that only leaves one person,’ Rick said.

‘Dale,’ Theodore answered for him. _And I wonder why the old man did it, really._

‘Dale,’ Rick agreed. He turned around to look at the RV in the far distance, frowning. ‘I’ll need to talk to him.’

‘Why?’ Theodore asked. Rick looked at him. Theodore sighed, before explaining, ‘it’s done. The whole thing is over with. What would that solve besides more grief? And besides, Hershel is going to kick us all out anyway. We’re done with the place.’

‘I know you had a problem with what I wanted, T-Dog,’ Rick said.

‘Don’t call me that,’ Theodore snapped. ‘I’m done with that stupid ass name. It’s Theodore, my real name now.’ ‘Okay, Theodore,’ Rick said, testing the waters for a response that wouldn’t send Theodore over the edge. _I don’t even know why I’m so fucking mad at him, it’s like I said. It’s over and done with._

‘But I did what I did for my family. I know it was stupid, dangerous even. But I honestly thought I had no other choice,’ Rick said. ‘And I know it’s done with now, but I don’t think it was done in the right way.’

Theodore snorted. ‘Well, you’ve certainly got that part right.’

Rick nodded. ‘I don’t even know where Shane is, or Carol for that matter. I’ll need to talk to the pair of them about what happened. About a lot of things, actually.’

All negativity thoughts he had centring around Rick melted there and then for Theodore when he saw how defeated he looked. _This is too much, man. We need to find a way to deal with this._

‘I say we take it one step at a time,’ Theodore said to Rick. ‘We dig these graves, then we find Carol and Shane. Get everybody around for the funeral, then we’ll figure out our shit from here. Start with Dale if you must. That sound okay to you?’

Rick nodded. ‘Yeah, I just hope it’s as easy as that sounds.’

‘It will,’ Theodore replied. ‘You can be sure of it.’

*

Carol sat by the stream, watching the water trickle by as she picked up small pebbles and threw them in. She hadn’t done this in years, but she found it calming.

_My girl’s dead. My little girl is dead. Sophia’s dead._

‘Stop,’ Carol muttered. She examined her hands and saw how dirty they had become from her pebble throwing. Yet it did not matter, for Sophia was dead.

‘Enough!’ Carol shrieked to herself. A bird or two flew from their trees, disturbed by the noise. Carol rubbed her tears away from her face and sighed as she looked over passively at the stream flowing by her as it had done for years no doubt.

_This was all Rick’s fault. All of it is their fault, really. None of them gave a thought about Sophia the moment we got to this farm in the first place. All of them except Theodore._

She heard a rustle, and she instantly turned around. She found that she would not have been afraid if it had been a walker that had found her, perhaps it would even be a blessing in disguise if she had been killed there and then, away from a life without her little girl.

It was only Shane.

Carol looked at the man, curious despite herself. He looked dangerous towering over her the way he was, yet he did not move to comfort her or do anything that might have alarmed her. _If he didn’t open that barn, I might still think my daughter was alive right now._

It was a funny thought, made all the funnier for wondering if she would have preferred knowing or not knowing.

‘I ain’t going to apologise,’ Shane said as he sat down next to Carol. He did not look at her as he spoke, instead looking at the stream like she had been. ‘Not for opening the barn the way I did. But your little girl, she didn’t deserve that. Not at all.’

Carol observed the man before her, taking him in as he was. He seemed as lost as she felt, and she did not know why. _If I was as tough as him, I would have been able to have protected Sophia. And not just from the walkers, either._

Thinking of Ed made Carol shudder, for the idea of Ed being up in heaven to reunite with his daughter was enough to make her be sick of the thought alone.

_No. He would have went straight down to hell. Not for what he did to me, maybe I did provoke him a little. But from the way he looked at his daughter. I couldn’t even protect Sophia from the monsters before all of this._

She took a shuddering breath, fearing she was about to cry.

Shane took no notice; his eyes were only for the stream. ‘They’ll probably think I’m a monster, for what I did,’ Shane said. ‘But it had to happen that way. Had to. They had to see the world for what it really is. I don’t think any of them did, not even Rick.’

Carol nodded as if she was listening to him and taking in every word. Instead, she was wondering what thoughts Sophia was thinking in her final moments, knowing she would be a walker at any second…

A quiet cough made her turn around to see Theodore standing there. He walked forward, and the sight of him was enough to shake her back to reality.

_What am I doing to be sitting in this muck?_

Using one hand on the group to get herself up, she accepted Theodore’s hand with the other. He gently pulled her up and faced her.

‘We are having a funeral for Sophia and the Greene family’s relatives,’ T-Dog told her quietly. ‘You should be there.’ Carol nodded, and she hesitated as she looked behind to see Shane.

Shane only shook his head, as if he knew what she was thinking. ‘Nah, leave me here. They wouldn’t want me there, none of them will.’

‘You can’t just sit here though,’ Carol pointed out. ‘We all have to face ourselves at some point.’

‘C’mon,’ Theodore gently pressed his hands on her back to get her moving. ‘They aren’t going to start without us.’ It did not escape Carol’s notice that Theodore did not try to get Shane to come with them.

_And have I faced myself?_

Carol pondered on the question as Theodore supported her through the woods, not looking behind to see if Shane moved on from his spot or not.

*

The funeral was a somber affair.

Morales had Louis and Eliza in front of him, hands gripped on their shoulders. The entire group were standing around in a circle much like they did for Otis, not that long ago. Patricia herself held onto Rachel’s hand with one, Susie’s hand the other.

_I need to be here for these girls. Their family is going to be in a lot of pain for god knows how long._

She shot a glance at the rest of the family. Maggie was trembling slightly, but she projected strength in the way she stood without looking away from the little crosses made of sticks that Glenn was currently planting to mark three spots. The graves themselves were just next to the rocks and stones used to mark Otis.

Beth had her head on Billy’s shoulder. It alarmed Patricia to see how pale she looked, how small even. _I’ll need to talk to her after this, see how she is._ Arnold had his hands on his pockets, looking like he would rather be somewhere that wasn’t there.

Lacey was not there, and neither was Hershel. And that worried Patricia the most, digging away like a woodchipper into the back of her mind. _None of them are going to recover from this if Hershel can’t move on from it either._

‘Hey,’ Morales murmured. Patricia turned to look at him. ‘You okay?’

‘Yeah,’ Patricia mouthed, smiling slightly although it was not an occasion to display such emotion. Morales had been a comfort the last couple of days, allowing her to be by his side to look after his children. It was what she needed to distract herself from the pain of losing Otis.

_And now here I am at your tribute again, Otis. Burying two more friends and a little girl._

She closed her eyes, taking in the smell of the field and the slight breeze against her face. She had been at the farm for twenty-six years, her and Otis both had been. They had known Shawn since he was only a year old, a bubbly lad that grew into a happy and courageous young man who would always help a stranger in need, no question asked about it.

Annette herself had come into their life six or so years later, not long after Josephine’s passing. Patricia had considered both of Hershel’s wives to be dear friends, and even if Maggie could not see it, Annette had transformed Hershel into a man who never had to touch a touch of alcohol again.

It was unbearably sad, even more so for having to live through the loss of the two of them again after having lost them to the infection the first time. _I wish you were, Otis. You would know what to do with this family. You were always good at supporting people._

‘Does anybody want to say any words?’ Rick asked.

Patricia turned to face everybody in the circle, see if any would step up. It was with an increasing awkwardness that Patricia realised that nobody wanted to say anything, they all either shook their head slightly or politely averted their gaze.

Patricia closed her eyes. _If I have to do it, I will do it. Shane did for Otis, at least._ She could not deny, she was glad that Shane wasn’t at the funeral. Who knew how the Greene family would have reacted to his presence? But she was grateful that he had said something for her Otis.

‘I will,’ Patricia said. All eyes on her, she tried to ignore the feeling of embarrassment. _You’re a grown woman, Pat. Act like it._ ‘Excuse me, girls,’ she whispered as she let go her hands from the twins.

She caught Carol’s eye first. ‘I didn’t know Sophia,’ she said. Her voice rang in the circle, loud and clear. ‘But I am truly sorry that she has passed away. Eight years old is no age, no age at all to die.’

Carol exhaled and looked like she would have broke down if it was not for T-Dog supporting her, but she nodded after she finished. Patricia nodded back. _It’s surreal to think Otis would have put Sophia in the barn before he died._ That thought had been a constant one in her mind after the shock of the barn massacre wore off. If Otis hadn’t been so busy putting her in the barn, then perhaps he would not have accidentally shot Carl and he might sti..

_Enough, Pat. Focus on what you have to do._

‘I did know Shawn, and Annette,’ Patricia continued. She studied all members of the Greene family now. All of them were looking to her, and Patricia gulped. The tears threatened to come, but she did not let them. She needed to do this for the family that had brought her and Otis in as two of their own.

‘And they were wonderful people,’ Patricia said. ‘Shawn was always so funny and witty, but he had the best heart a person can have. I remember when Lacey scraped her knee when she was, oh she must have been about two. He was five. He ran the whole way from the pathway to the house to get a plaster for her. He always got upset if one of the animals got sick and had to be put down. He was just that kind of man. The world misses him. And Annette,’ Patricia looked down upon Rachel and Susie. _Both are her double, but Susie without her glasses is the spitting image of her._ ‘Annette was amazing. She came into Hershel’s life when he had just lost his first wife, and she helped him heal. She helped make a big family grow even bigger, and she was just such a joy to have around. Always smiling and seeing the best in people.’

She did not look at Maggie as she said this, knowing that things were not like that between the two of them. _But this isn’t for Maggie, not this part. This is for the woman I knew, and the children that she is a mother to._ ‘I’ll miss them both, their loved ones will miss them both,’ Patricia said. She nodded at Rick to show she was done, before stepping gingerly back into the circle and allowing Rachel and Susie to clutch tightly onto her hands.

She felt faint then, and her knees might have weakened if she didn’t have the girls to support. _I hope I did you proud, Otis._ And she couldn’t help but look at Morales, who nodded at her gravely. She could not get an answer from Otis, but from that nod she got her answer from Morales.

A shout made her quickly turn back, and the sight was enough to get her heart racing.

‘Why are you running away, dad!?’ Lacey screamed, standing at the front of her house at her father who was currently getting into his truck. ‘Why are you just leaving us to deal with your mess!?’

Hershel did not response, instead opting to get into the truck. Lacey started to move forward, but Hershel turned his keys and the ignition started. Before Lacey could reach the door handle, Hershel drove off and left her in the dust.

Lacey collapsed to her knees, crying. Patricia went to shield Rachel and Susie from the sight, her mind spinning.

_He wouldn’t just leave them, would he?_

Before Patricia could think to pass the twins on to Morales so she could try and comfort Lacey, there was another commotion to her right. She turned around to see Beth’s body sag against Billy, who desperately tried to hold her up but failed to do so. ‘Help her!’ Billy shouted.

Beth had fainted.

*

The entire day had been chaos incarnate, and Dale had never felt so helpless as he did. Or so guilty, for that matter.

He stood in the Greene sitting room against the wall. Glenn was sitting in the couch, hands to his face. Billy was pacing back and forth, muttering under his breath about his father’s ‘cowardly ways.’ Rick was standing across from Dale, and he didn’t stop shooting him daggers with his glare.

Not once.

Dale swallowed. _I guess I deserve this. This is my whole fault._

Never did he expect things to pan out the way they did. He expected Shane to clear out the walkers in a more, clean and discrete way. Not so public in the way it did play out.

_But they’re gone now, right? Nobody will get hurt by them. And this family must know by now that they’re dangerous. I was right, I have to be right._

‘Billy, sit down,’ Glenn told the younger boy. ‘You’re going to drive yourself crazy going on like that.’

Billy shook his head violently. ‘I can’t just stand there and do nothing, Glenn. My baby sister is up there in shock and my father has just fucked off god knows where. Lacey doesn’t know where’s he buggered off too, she won’t say a word about what they are arguing about before he left,’ at this point Billy spat on the floor and screwed his face in disgust. ‘I’m so ashamed of my family, man.’

‘You don’t mean that,’ Glenn said quietly. Dale looked at Glenn and felt a surge of pride at how different he seemed to be compared to earlier in the morning. _If there was one good thing that came out of this, it’s Glenn’s new approach to life._ ‘And even if you do, you still have to sit down. C’mon, man. Don’t make yourself sick.’

Billy sighed, but he complied and sat next to Glenn.

Dale heard the creak of the steps, and he turned to see Andrea, Lori and Maggie enter the room.

‘How is she?’ Dale asked.

‘She’s going to be fine,’ Maggie said. She looked utterly exhausted of the situation that she was in, that they were all in. ‘Patricia and Arnie are up there with her, but I would feel better if dad was here to look after her.’ She sighed and went over to the armchair to sit down.

‘Do you know where he would have gone?’ Rick asked. It was the first time since they were in the room that he did not look at Dale, and he felt relief to have escaped his notice for now. ‘Anything at all?’

Maggie shook her head. ‘No,’ her voice was small. ‘The fact he wouldn’t get out of bed for the funeral is alarming enough to me.’

‘I know where he went.’

Everybody whipped their head around to see Lacey, standing at the doorway. For once, she did not scowl in disgust at any member of the group. She looked a shadow of herself, but Dale thought not unkindly that pretty much everybody in the Greene family was going through it right now.

_And not to mention poor Carol. I’ll need to give her my condolences._

‘Where?’ Billy shot up to his feet. ‘Why didn’t you say anything before?’

Lacey took a shuddering breath. ‘Because I was ashamed of him, Billy. Just like you are.’ She turned to face Rick. ‘He said he needed a drink, and that he is going back to old Scott’s Bar. That is why we argued He hasn’t touched a drink in years.’

‘Scott’s Bar?’ Rick frowned. ‘Where is that?’

‘Scott’s Bar is in town,’ Maggie answered for him. ‘The same one we go to, Glenn.’

Glenn got himself to his feet. ‘Then let’s go and get him,’ Glenn said.

‘No,’ Rick said. That took Glenn aback, but Rick shook his head. ‘You’re needed here, Glenn,’ Rick said softly, to take the sting away from his rejection. ‘You need to be here, to help support everybody. I’ll be going though, I need to talk with Hershel about what happened anyway.’

‘Surely you can’t be thinking of going alone?’ Lori pointed out, her voice sharp. Dale looked at her, and felt the shame all over again. _What was I thinking of telling Shane about her being pregnant, too? That set him off and started all of this._

Dale wished he could say he hadn’t been thinking; that it was a slip of a tongue and a confession in the heat of the moment. But he knew his character well enough to know that he had done it deliberately to set Shane off in doing what he wanted to with the barn walkers.

_If Rick wants to beat my ass, then I deserve it. They have enough to worry about with a baby on the way as it is._

‘I can’t ask Maggie or any of her brothers or sisters to come with me,’ Rick said. ‘I’ll ask Theodore if he wants to come with me, but he might be too busy helping Carol right now. I’ll go alone if I must.’

‘You don’t need to,’ Andrea said. ‘I’ll go with you.’

Dale felt the urge to protest, in fact it was on the tip of his tongue. But a moment passed, and he let it go. _We’re getting better, at least. I can’t fuck it up now like I have with everything else._ Instead, he said, ‘do you know how to get to this town?’

‘I do,’ Andrea replied. ‘Shane and I passed it when we looked for Sophia the other day. And I have my gun as well. If we run into trouble, I’ll be able to defend myself just fine.’ Dale knew that Andrea reminded everybody of this to make a point to Dale, that he needn’t worry about Andrea.

And Dale felt that he didn’t worry. Just like Glenn, he felt a tremendous amount of pride for Andrea for being who she was right now.

‘Then that is that sorted,’ Rick said. He went and a put a hand on Billy’s shoulder, and looked him in the eye. ‘We will get your dad back. Don’t worry about that.’

Billy swallowed and only nodded. Maggie said a quiet, ‘thank you’ and Lacey walked away from the room.

Just as Dale hoped that he would escape a confrontation for now, Rick turned to face him. ‘Dale, can I have a word with you? In private.’

‘Sure,’ Dale said. He held his chin up. No matter what happened, he would not be afraid. He had accepted that he had fucked up and made a mistake of massive proportion. If Rick wanted to do punish him over it, he had the right of it.

Following Rick to the back garden, Dale took a chance look at the chicken pen and felt wistful, remembering his own grandfather’s farm. _If only I could turn back time and be that little boy again._

All happy memories disappeared as he turned to face the consequences of his actions.

‘Why?’ It was simple and blunt, straight to the point.

‘Because I thought we were in danger,’ Dale said evenly. ‘I thought it was the right thing to do. And I know I fucked up, because I didn’t expect it to pan out the way I did.’

Rick only looked at him, and Dale found it hard to tell how the other man felt about his explanation. So he continued. ‘I’m sorry,’ he breathed. ‘I’m so sorry, Rick. Really. I know you were just trying your best, but I didn’t think it was the best for us.’

Rick nodded then. ‘Well, if that is how you feel it’s how you feel. But Dale,’ Rick lowered his voice now, and it held a hint of danger to Dale’s ears, ‘that’s us done. Do you hear me? If we get kicked out by Hershel after all of this, and I’m finding it pretty hard to think that he won’t kick us out after what happened, then I’m not going to be in a group with you in it. I don’t trust you.’

Dale swallowed, but he accepted the judgement. _This could have been worse._ But in his good conscience, he did not think that Rick was thinking clearly. ‘I understand,’ he began, ‘but Rick, it’s my RV. That goes with me. I think most of the group will go with the bigger vehicle. You would be putting your family at risk.’

It was the wrong thing to say, he knew that by the way Rick’s eyes widened before narrowing. But he made himself a promise there and then to look Rick in the eye. He owed him that much, at least.

‘My family won’t be at risk because I know how to protect them. It’s none of your business how I do that,’ Rick all but hissed at Dale. ‘You hear me, old man?’

‘Loud and clear,’ Dale said. _He and Shane are more alike than he probably thinks._

‘Good,’ Rick said. ‘From now on, just stay out of my way Dale.’ And with that he walked off, leaving Dale in the garden.

He watched the chickens in the pen, lost in thought as he replayed the confrontation with Rick over and over again, as well as the barn incident. _All of us are so close to tethering over the edge, I wonder if anybody realises it._

‘Are you okay?’

He turned around, his heart already warming at the sound of Andrea’s voice. He tried to smile, and to his horror found himself close to tears.

_Get a grip, old man. Just get a grip!_

‘I’m fine, Andrea,’ his voice sounded screechy to his ears much to his disgust, but he carried on. ‘Just being a foolish old man, that’s all there is to it.’

‘You’re not foolish,’ Andrea said as she walked over to stand next to him. She looked towards the chickens in the pen, and he found himself looking at the chickens too. _How carefree they are, compared to us anyway. At least they don’t have to worry about being eaten until it’s over for them._

‘Thanks, Andrea,’ Dale said.

‘No problem,’ Andrea said. She turned to look at him now. ‘I just wanted to let you know I’m going with Rick in five minutes. I couldn’t leave without saying goodbye to you.’

Dale found himself almost lost for words. _And that doesn’t happen to me often._ ‘You have no idea how much that means to me, Andrea,’ he told her sincerely. ‘Really. I was worried I had destroyed our relationship for what I did.’

Andrea shook her head. ‘No, Dale. We won’t be what we were, but I would like to start anew.’ She hesitated before continuing, ‘I still don’t think you were in the right, but I think I’m ready to forgive you. And I do understand where you are coming from.’ She shrugged her shoulders now and gave him a smile. ‘If you would accept my forgiveness, that is. I was pretty awful to you.’

‘You weren’t awful,’ Dale told her. And this conversation, more than anything, made up for his shame and guilt over what happened in the day. ‘I’m so glad you are willing to give me another chance.’

Andrea leaned over and kissed his cheek. ‘And I’m glad you are still being nice to me even when I don’t deserve it.’ She tilted her head to him then. ‘I need to go now, hopefully I won’t be gone long.’

‘Stay safe,’ Dale said.

‘I will,’ and just like that she was gone.

Dale sighed and shoved his hands in his pockets, watching the chickens once again. _At least not everybody hates me, although I’m having the habit of pissing at least somebody off. That needs to change._

It occurred to him then that he had not told Rick about having told Shane about Lori’s pregnancy.

*

Currently it was dusk, and Andrea feared the darkness that was about to take over the sky.

_Get a grip, woman. Scared of the dark, what are you, five?_

Yet it was a perfectly rational fear to have during these times, she knew. And so she felt brave enough to voice her concerns to Rick.

‘Do you think this’ll be an easy job?’ Andrea asked Rick. Currently they were in the jeep that Shane had gotten from the school, driving on the road to the small town. The sky was a mixture of red and gold, and Andrea knew it was only a matter of time before it was complete pitch job. ‘What if he isn’t here and then we have to search for him in the night?’

‘Then we search for him throughout the night,’ Rick answered. Andrea frowned at him and scoffed. ‘I’m sorry, but that sounds like a terrible plan.’

Rick shook his head. ‘No, I can see why you would think so. But from what Maggie and Arnold have told me, they’ve never saw so much as a single walker in that town. It’s like the farm I think, completely isolated from everything else.’

‘You can’t be serious,’ Andrea said. ‘Rick, you saw that whole lot of walkers come through the highway. And that walker at the barn today as well,’ she paused, letting the memories flick through her mind.

_How could things have turned to shit so fast?_

She always knew Shane had a dangerous edge to him, the other day at the neighbourhood proved that as well as his beating of Ed. But that entire incident had got her nerves on edge in a way they had never been before, and she didn’t know if it was due to unknowingly living next to walkers or the very real way Shane had acted like a loose cannon.

‘Maybe,’ Rick said. ‘I’m not ruling it out, Andrea. I know this could turn dangerous really fast. But I’m hoping luck is on our side and we don’t run into trouble. After today, surely we’re due for some luck.’

‘You’ve got that right,’ Andrea muttered as she watched the trees and fields pass by. They also passed several abandoned cars; a couple still had the suitcases on top as if its owners had to make a desperate escape and abandon their luggage completely. _They probably did._

‘I’ll tell you what, we could take shelter at this bar or somewhere else that is more secure if we don’t get him straight away,’ Rick said now. ‘Just stay there for the night if we have to. Then resume our search tomorrow.’

‘Sounds good,’ Andrea said. ‘Although wouldn’t your wife and son worry about you?’

Not taking his eyes off the road, Rick sighed. ‘They will,’ he said. ‘But I don’t think I can stop them worrying no matter what I do. At least if we do it this way, they’re guaranteed that I will be able to return to them instead of getting killed in the middle of the night.’

‘That’s a good way of looking at it,’ Andrea replied. A silence settled between the pair of them, but Andrea found she didn’t mind. To have peace was a luxury she hadn’t realised she missed.

It was Rick who broke that peace. ‘Can I ask you something?’

‘Anything,’ Andrea said. ‘Just prepare to get an honest answer.’

‘That’s good,’ Rick said. ‘Because it’s what I want. Honesty. How do you think I am doing, as leader I mean?’

Andrea found herself perplexed. ‘Rick, I think you have made some reasonable choices. Going to the CDC was one. And you did well with searching for Sophia if you ask me, considering that you were also dealing with Carl nearly dying and everything. But I don’t consider you a leader.’

Now it was Rick’s turn to be taken aback. ‘Am I that bad?’

‘No,’ Andrea said. She studied him. ‘I’ve just thought we’ve been making choices to options you have put on the table. So far we’ve all mostly agreed with what you had to say, and that includes going to the nursing home as well. But I’m my own person, Rick. I don’t consider anybody a leader of mine unless they are the President.’

‘Oh,’ Rick’s voice was quiet, small. _Did he really think he was leader? He hasn’t even been elected as far as I know._ He laughed then, the kind of laugh that was meant for self-mockery. ‘I’ve just been feeling this whole pressure, trying to juggle with Hershel with the walkers in the barn and searching for Sophia. Somewhere along the way I think I just decided I was the leader. How childish does that sound?’ He laughed again.

Andrea suddenly felt a surge of pity for him. ‘Maybe we should hold a vote when we get back,’ she said. ‘Because I don’t think it sounds childish at all. What you did today, with Sophia,’ she lost her voice again, thinking of the moment. _I barely survived losing Amy. I don’t know how Carol is going to cope with this._ ‘That was what a true leader would be able to do. And don’t think otherwise. I don’t think I could do it, and Shane never brought himself to finish what he started either.’

Rick smiled faintly then. ‘Thanks, Andrea. I appreciate that. And you’re right, a vote would be a good idea.’

‘No problem,’ Andrea said. ‘And since we’re thanking one another, I want to thank you for allowing me to take that necklace back in Atlanta.’ She could tell by Rick’s expression that he might not have remembered that it wouldn’t be a big deal to him. But it meant everything to her now, even if she didn’t think so at the time. ‘The mermaid necklace?’

‘Oh yeah,’ Rick nodded his head slightly. ‘That was our first real conversation.’

‘Without me putting a gun to your face,’ Andrea added dryly, and they both laughed. ‘But seriously, thanks. I know you couldn’t have stopped me or anything from taking it, but I was able to give it to Amy at the end. I wouldn’t have been able to do that if you never encouraged me to take it.’

‘It’s like you say, Andrea. No problem at all,’ Rick said. ‘I’m glad you were able to give Amy the necklace.’

 _Not while she was alive, I should say._ Instead, she said, ‘me too.’

They sat in comfortable silence then, and it wasn’t long before the outline of the town appeared in the distance. ‘I think we’re here,’ Rick said.

‘We are,’ Andrea said, and her hand settled to the gun strapped in her holster. _You need to be careful here, Andrea. Always be careful._

It was night.

**Night 74**

Hershel poured himself another glass of grey goose as he sat on the bar stool, looking at the mirror on the wall. Scott’s Bar had been an elegant and classy bar, with its chandeliers hanging from the ceilings and the most expensive wooden floor. The bar stools had the most comfortable fabric as well, which he appreciated.

Yet dust was settling on the counter tops, and he very much doubted that any halfway decent employee wouldn’t have tried to clean the bar up to its usual standards. The bottles of alcohol sat on the shelves, and Hershel did not doubt the vast majority of them wouldn’t be opened again.

It was a shell of its former self, but Hershel himself hadn’t been here for years. Not since Annette had convinced him to turn his back on the bottle once and for all to focus on the children he had and the children he was going to have with her.

_Annette, Shawn. I’m sorry for being a fool._

He raised his glass of grey goose up in the air as if preparing for a toast, before downing the glass. The flavor was tasteless, but he had known that.

_I’m such a coward that I can not only not see what was in front of my eyes, but I’m not even bothering with the stronger stuff. Can’t even get fucking drunk right._

The door creaked, and Hershel turned around immediately. He realised before he did that he had not taken a gun with him.

_You’re a stupid, useless, old man._

It was only Rick and Andrea however, and that broke his train of thought of putting himself down. He sighed, and turned around to face the mirror. Reflected back was a broken old man, trying desperately to relive his glory days.

_And not even getting it right either._

‘Lacey told you then,’ Hershel said. He took another drink and found it frustrating that he didn’t feel the slightest bit drunk. _I haven’t drunk in years! I should be pissed right now. Maybe I’ve just built a higher tolerance for alcohol since I quit._ ‘I never thought she would have.’

‘She’s worried about you,’ Rick said as he walked up to Hershel. Andrea shut the door behind her but she didn’t join them, instead standing over at the pool table. ‘We all are.’

Hershel scoffed. ‘I bet you are. Shane worried about me, is he?’

‘Forget about Shane,’ Rick said. ‘Shane doesn’t come into this. Your family does, though. You know Beth has collapsed? She’s in some sort of shock over what’s happened. You taking off didn’t help.’

Hershel felt his heart turn to ice. ‘Is she okay?’

Rick nodded. ‘Last I heard, Patricia and Arnold were helping her. But your entire family needs you, Hershel. You’ve all been through something horrible. You all need one another to support one another.’

Hershel found himself shaking his head furiously. ‘No, Rick. They needed me months ago when their mom and Shawn died in the first place. And I buried my own head in the sand, refusing to see what my eyes saw.’ He pushed his glass aside and covered his face. ‘I fed them chickens for fuck sake. The chickens were still alive after I snapped their legs. How couldn’t I’ve seen them for what they were?

Rick grabbed Hershel’s hands away from his face and forced him to look at him. ‘You had some hope,’ he said. ‘You had hope that things were going to get better. And I can’t blame you. This world is fucked up to the extreme. Why wouldn’t you hope for things to get better? I did myself, we went to the CDC for that hope. We all deal with things in our own way.’

Hershel shook his head. ‘It’s not that simple, Rick. I let my entire family be in danger for months on end. When Shane shot that woman today, I knew I had been a whole fool. You tried to tell me, too. I just wasn’t willing to listen.’ He sighed and went to grab his glass. ‘I was stubborn, that’s always been my problem. I refused to see my Maggie didn’t get along with my Annette for so long, and it drove her away from the farm. But this is probably the worst thing I’ve ever done.’

He drunk his glass and noticed to his satisfaction Rick didn’t come up with a reply. ‘You see it too, how foolish I’ve been. And how I can face my family knowing there is no hope anymore, Rick? Any hope you had in finding that girl was gone too, I see it in your face even now. That’s what awaits us all if what you say about the infection is true too. There is no hope.’

‘Quit the bullshit.’

Hershel almost dropped his glass and turned around to face Andrea. _I forgot she was even here._ Andrea had her arms folded and was clearly not impressed. ‘Excuse me?’

‘You heard me,’ Andrea said. ‘You’ve suffered a great loss, and I get that. But we all have suffered, Hershel. I lost my sister not even a week ago, I don’t think. And I wanted to quit too, just check out. Sometimes I still think that would be the best option. But I’ve kept on going, and if I can so can you. I have no family left, but you’ve got seven children at that farm of yours who still need you to keep going.’

Hershel waved his hand as if to swat her away. ‘Arnold, Lacey and Maggie aren’t children. They can take care of themselves, and the younger ones. They’re better off without an old fool like me.’

Andrea rolled her eyes. ‘You can make excuses all you want, bu-‘

The door opened suddenly, and Hershel tensed instantly as two men walked in, not one face at all familiar. He saw both Rick and Andrea go for their guns and felt foolish that he did not have one himself.

‘Well, well, well,’ one of the men said. ‘What do we have here?’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all enjoy this chapter. It was quite a difficult one to do because everybody is grieving and lashing out at one another in their own way. 
> 
> And these chapters are becoming longer and longer, I'm trying to cut that down but it comes with the territory of there being so many characters right now I guess. I'm excited to do the next chapter because of the change I have done with Andrea being in Glenn's place; it was actually one of the first changes I had in mind when mapping out the outline for this.


	16. Night 74 - Day 75

‘What are you after?’

Those were the first words out of Rick’s mouth. He was quick on the draw, finger just above the trigger. _I’ll shoot if I need to._ He did not know why, but something about the two men that had just wandered into Scott’s Bar set him on edge.

The man who had spoken raised his arms in surrender, although it did not escape Rick’s notice that he had a gun strapped to his holster. ‘Woah, man. Take it easy. Me and my pal here just thought we heard some voices coming from here, and we saw the two cars outside. Figured we might as well check it out, we haven’t seen other people in a long time.’

Rick only nodded; he did not let go from aiming his gun. _I don’t trust them._ He was glad to see Andrea must have shared his thoughts, as she also didn’t lower her gun. Hershel had nothing to defend himself, only looking like a startled deer in the headlights.

 _We’ll protect him if it comes to. But we’re even odds._ A quick glance at the other man told Rick that he too had a gun.

‘You don’t believe me, huh?’ The man asked. He still had his hands raised. ‘What will it take for me to convince you?’

‘Keeping your hands where I can see them is a start,’ Rick said. The man only nodded and kept his hands where Rick could see them. ‘That’s fair. But you’ve gotta trust us sooner or later. We aren’t bad people, honest.’

‘Gotta?’ Andrea asked. Her voice was clear in its scepticism. ‘I think we can choose for ourselves whether we can trust you or not.’

‘Wrong choice of words, I admit,’ the man smiled. He looked over at the other man before saying, ‘Ain’t I always putting a foot in the mouth, Tony?’

‘Always,’ Tony grunted. He did not look away from Andrea, and Rick did not like the way his beady little eyes were looking at her.

_Could just be a creep perving. Could be he’s thinking a lot worse._

‘I thought you hadn’t seen anybody in a while?’ Rick asked. ‘How can you put your foot in your mouth if it’s only you and your pal Tony here?’

The man raised his eyebrows and shrugged. ‘Tony has to put up with the dumb shit I say ever since the last of our group died. That’s been a month, Tone? Two?’

‘A month,’ Tony said. ‘Been a hard month for us both.’

The other man laughed. ‘Yeah it has been. And it doesn’t look like the three of you have been having a hard month like we have been.’

‘What do you mean?’ Hershel snapped. ‘I lost my wife and son today, don’t you dare step out of line like that!’

 _Shit, this could get ugly real fast._ Rick had been a police officer long enough to know a simple dispute could lead to so much worse. And this dispute was far from simple.

To his credit, the man looked and sounded apologetic as he said, ‘man, I’m sorry. Like I said, I’ve got foot in the mouth syndrome. I’ve lost family too, I know how it feels and I meant nothing by what I said. Just, you’ve seen the look of us. Dirty clothes and muck all over our faces. You three look fresh as daisies.’

It was true, and Rick found he could not defend himself. His clothes had been ironed and pressed after being washed, in thanks to the Greene family being kind enough to lend the group their washing machine and ironing board. And here were the two men looking like they had been on the road for a while.

_Got to play this safe. You can’t slip, Rick. One wrong move and you are all dead._

‘So what’s your name?’ Rick said. ‘I’ve already caught Tony’s name over there. I’m Rick,’ and he lowered his gun and placed it in the holster. He caught Andrea’s disapproving glance and shot her one of his own. She seemed to hesitate for a second, before putting her own away.

_Just play along. We’ll get out of this._

Dave shot a smile, all teeth that would have caught some ladies’ attention. It reminded Rick of a killer shark. ‘I’m Dave, Rick. Who is the fellow and the lovely lady?’

‘Andrea,’ Andrea told him instantly. She did not take her eyes away from the men as she went over to the bar table, just to Rick’s left. Tony did not take his eyes away from her either, following her every move.

‘Hershel,’ Hershel replied. He turned around and took a swig of drink, not bothering to keep giving his attention to the two men.

_He must be more hammered than he looks. Andrea is the only one I can count on in this._

‘Nice to meet you,’ Dave gave a little bow to them all. ‘I know you’ve lost a lot today, Hershel. I don’t blame you for downing that Grey Goose. All I ask is can I have a swallow? What use is the end of the world if you can’t take advantage of the world, am I right ladies and gentlemen?’

‘Damn right,’ Tony said. He did not bother waiting for a reply, instead walking over and attempting to jump over the counter. It was a grotesque and embarrassing sight, and Rick would have felt pity for him if his nerves weren’t on edge.

_He’s not bright, this one. It’s Dave I need to watch out for._

‘Do whatever you want,’ Hershel’s voice was raspy. ‘I’m not your parent.’

‘Thanks, Hershel,’ Dave said as he took the bottle Tony threw his way. ‘I don’t want people to think me and Tony have no manners.’

‘Nobody thinks that,’ Rick told him immediately. ‘It’s like Hershel says, he lost his family today. We’re a bit on edge ourselves, so I’m going to apologise and say we’re sorry if we come across as rude and on guard today. We’re trying to deal with it.’

‘No, I get it,’ Dave said before he bit his teeth into the bottle’s lid. He pulled the lid out before taking his own swig of his drink. After gulping down an obscene amount of drink, Dave let out a heavy sigh. ‘Man, that tasted like shit. But I can’t say I didn’t miss it.’

‘Me neither,’ Hershel said.

Dave laughed again. He was the type that would find anything funny, Rick thought. ‘It seems like it, Hershel. You two his chaperone then? I don’t see you drinking anything.’

‘Somebody has to be on their guard,’ Andrea said. ‘We’re letting Hershel blow off steam and mourn before moving on.’

‘Oh, is that right,’ Dave went to sit down on the bar stool. Andrea moved herself to Rick’s right as Tony leered at her as he helped himself to his drink. ‘Where are you headed?’

‘Fort Benning,’ Rick replied immediately. _I might be mad at Shane right now, but he’s saved me with this._ ‘We’ve been meaning to make for it for a while. But we’ve kept having setbacks, you know how it is.’ _Always mix in the truth with some lies, they’ll find it more believable._

And indeed, it seemed Dave bought it. ‘Man, that’s too bad,’ Dave shook his head. ‘You haven’t heard then?’

Rick found himself intrigued despite himself. ‘Heard what?’

‘Fort Benning’s done, gone,’ Dave said. He took another swallow of wine. ‘It’s completely overrun. The National Guard held out for a couple of weeks, but eventually it fell.’

‘How do you know that?’ Andrea asked.

‘Just stories we heard,’ Dave shrugged. ‘And signs. Been a lot of signs painted over billboards and shit, warning people about stuff like this.’

 _He keeps slipping._ Rick concentred on Dave, studied every move he made. He figured the man was telling the truth in the same way Rick told the truth about Fort Benning. _He keeps mentioning running into people, despite supposedly it only being the pair of them for a month._

He leaned to the bar counter cautiously and took a small glance behind the counter. Tony avoided his gaze, no doubt disappointed he could not continue to stare at Andrea and undress her with his eyes.

_You’ve said you would do anything to protect your family. Anything. Can you do it?_

‘Listen, why don’t you join us?’ Dave asked. ‘You got the two cars out there, me and Tone have been on foot for ages now. We could go wherever you are camped up for now, get showered ourselves and then set off to Nebraska.’

‘Nebraska, huh?’ Rick asked. He lowered his right hand and placed his left on the counter as he sat down on the barstool, ever so slowly itching to his gun. ‘Why Nebraska?’

Dave grinned, but there was no genuine joy to it. Rick doubted there ever had been, but now the mask was off. _He’s seen me reach for the gun._

‘Nebraska supposedly has shit figured out,’ Dave said. ‘The signs say so.’

‘Some signs,’ Rick said.

Dave’s smile dropped, and now the danger revealed itself. He reached for his gun.

_Now!_

Dave’s hand was on the gun just as Rick pulled his up and fired. The impact of the bullet forced Dave to fly from his stool and on the floor, gurgling away as the blood poured out of his chest.

Tony let out a small gasp, but Rick turned around and fired once, twice. Tony fell back against the bottles, some shattering instantly and letting out a flood of alcohol to go with the blood that poured out of Tony. Other bottles fell with Tony as he hit the floor and shattered into a million tiny fragments.

Rick heard himself breathing above everything else as he took in the sight. He had fired his gun before in active duty, but this had been the first time he had taken a life.

_I said I would do anything to protect my family, and I meant it._

He closed his eyes briefly before walking over to Dave. Dave was flapping around like a fish out of water, his shock ever so obvious as terror gripped the soul of his eyes.

Rick aimed the gun at Dave’s head and pulled the trigger, putting the man out of his misery.

He turned around to face Andrea and Hershel. Andrea had her own gun out, but she looked at Rick and gave him a quick nod as she saw him. ‘You had to,’ she said. ‘It was him or us.’ Rick looked at Hershel, who immediately stood up from the stool before almost falling over. His grip on the bar prevented him from doing so, but not the bottle which fell and shattered much like Dave and Tony.

‘I think I’ve had too much to drink,’ was all Hershel said before he vomited.

*

Her heart racing, Andrea went to pat Hershel on the back as she lowered her gun. ‘Just let it all out.’

 _Fuck, that was close!_ She had known Dave and Tony were trouble from the moment they had entered the bar, and all too keen on finding out about their clean clothes and their inconsistencies regarding meeting people. She hadn’t been a lawyer for nothing. And she would have had to have been blind to have not noticed the way Tony had kept staring at her like a piece of meat.

She just had not known Rick knew as well and had doubted him from the moment he had drawn the pair of them into a conversation. Now she had knew, the end results were lying dead on the floor.

Andrea turned to look at Rick, who stood over Dave. His gun was still smoking from the powder. He seemed to be in a trance of sorts.

_We need to get out of here. God knows the noise might bring walkers._

‘Rick,’ Andrea said. Her voice was sharp, the type she used to command attention. ‘We need to get out of here now.’

Rick nodded, but not before jumping over the counter in a much more graceful way compared to Tony. Before she could tell him to forget about the bottles and focus on the task at hand, she blinked as Rick aimed his gun at Tony and fired his gun for the fifth time that night.

‘If what Jenner says is true,’ Rick explained, ‘the pair of them would have come back as walkers if I just left them here. We don’t need that, not if Glenn and Maggie are to keep making runs to this place.’

‘No,’ Hershel said. He looked sober for a man who had probably drunk half the bar before they had arrived to collect him, and his voice had gone cold all over. ‘Maggie isn’t coming back here. Neither is Arnold and you shouldn’t get Glenn to come here either. These two men just came in here from out of nowhere. We’re lucky we weren’t killed ourselves.’

‘You’re right,’ Rick said. ‘Let’s get out of here.’

Before they could take another step, they heard a tire squealing. Everybody in the bar froze immediately, and Andrea’s hands tightened around her gun as she let go of Hershel.

_Too busy chatting and not too busy getting the hell out of dodge. Lesson learned, Andrea, if you get out of this._

She looked at Rick, who motioned for them to stay where they were. She followed his order and found herself praying that whoever had been driving had passed the bar. But the squeal had come from just outside the bar, and Andrea knew luck was not in her favour tonight.

As if to confirm that thought, she heard voices.

‘We’re too busy looking for Dave and Tony and nobody thinks to check the damn bar?’

Her heart in her mouth, Andrea ran with Rick to the front door. Hershel was not far behind, picking up the gun that Dave had dropped in his death. Before anybody could push the door open to enter the bar, Rick slammed his weight against the door with Andrea’s own weight seconds later.

She reached for the lock up top of the door, and heard the satisfying click as she lifted it up to lock the door more firmly.

‘Shit,’ she heard a man say. ‘Somebody’s in there.’

Before Andrea could even process the mess they were in, the door slammed suddenly with the brunt of men kicking and punching the doors. ‘Let us in!’ a different man said. ‘We aren’t hear to hurt any of you, we just want to find our friends!’

Andrea couldn’t help but turn around to look at Dave’s body. His smile had completely died, his eyes only looking at a place that only the truly dead saw.

 _Like Amy._ Andrea shuddered, but she kept her hand on her gun steadily. _You’ve fired at walkers; this is no different if it comes down to it. Not really, you’re in danger either way._

‘They opening up?’ The other man said.

‘No.’

‘Let’s try the back.’

Rick went to stand up, but suddenly a bullet fired through the door. Rick hadn’t been quick enough, which she was thankful for as the bullet entered just above him from the door and hit the wall. Hershel quickly dived to the floor, and Andrea quickly crawled away from the door.

_Shit, shit, shit._

More bullets fired through the door now. Rick pushed himself to his left and found himself separated on the other side of the bar, while Andrea and Hershel were just behind the bar.

‘Get to the back door!’ Rick roared over the sounds of the bullets flying. The bullets hit the chandeliers, the mirrors and bottles. All sorts of glass shattered and exploded into diamonds. ‘Don’t let them in, no matter what!’

‘C’mon, this way,’ Hershel said as he pushed himself up. If Andrea hadn’t been in a panic for her own life, she would have commented how agile he seemed for a man his age. ‘I know this place like the back of my hand.’

The glass rained down upon her from above, but Andrea crawled as fast as she could as she followed Hershel’s lead and tried to ignore their cutting edge. He pushed open a door gingerly, and they both crawled through and away from the chaotic bar.

The backroom had barrels of alcohol, as Andrea would have expected from a bar. What concerned her however was the door, and the handle that was twisting.

Without even thinking about it or pausing to make a decision, Andrea aimed her gun and fired at the wooden door. And despite the hellish noise that was coming from the bar as the bullets continued to make their loud entrance, Andrea could hear the shrill cry of a man above it all.

‘Fuck, Jimmy’s been shot!’ a man yelled. The noise from the bar ceased almost immediately. ‘They got Jimmy!’

Andrea lowered her gun. ‘I got Jimmy,’ she repeated. She had no idea who Jimmy was, or why she should even care. He had been trying to get into the bar to kill her after all. Yet she found herself shaking as those words repeated and twisted over and over in her mind. _They got Jimmy. I got Jimmy. I did that._

‘Andrea,’ Hershel hissed in her ear. She turned around, and almost let out a cry to see Hershel’s face. He was bleeding from the cut glass, and now she could feel her own pain from the glass that had cut into her. She did not know why she did not feel it before. ‘We need to get out of here, now!’

‘He’s right,’ Rick was in the room now, no doubt having taking advantage of the absence of the bullets from the bar.

He placed his hand on her shoulder, and despite the situation they were in, it was a gentle touch. Andrea allowed herself to be guided through the cellar as they approached the wooden door with the small hole in the middle of the door, the hole she had made and taken Jimmy’s life away from him.

She felt bile threaten to rise up in her throat, but she did not let it. _Get out of here now, cry later._

*

Hershel braced himself before he placed his hand on the handle and pulled the door backward.

A young boy, must have been Beth’s age, was twitching in the alleyway. He was making the same raspy noises Dave had made in the bar, his eyes holding the same accusing look that condemned them all to hell for taking his life.

He did not think it would be wise to make this observation to either Rick or Andrea, nor would he have if he did think it wise. _They tried to kill us first. We’re just defending ourselves._

Andrea shook, and Rick hushed her with a comforting tone Hershel felt he couldn’t possess at the moment. ‘It’s okay, you had no choice. _We_ had no choice.’ It seemed to calm Andrea down a tad, but it wasn’t getting them anywhere at the moment.

Hershel took a chance and ignoring Rick’s warning he slowly peaked his head out. He ignored Jimmy dying under him as he looked to his right. From the position he was in, he could only see the alleyway leading out into the town.

He turned to his left, and off into the distance he saw the woods. The trees were shrouded in darkness, their branches swaying like hands. But what caught his attention was the man running in the field clutching a rifle.

_Us or them. Lord forgive me._

Hershel aimed his gun and fired into the darkness.

The man yelped, but Hershel had missed him completely and knew it. The man sunk to the field as if he had been shot, but Hershel did not allow himself to be tricked. Before the man could get the rifle into position Hershel fired again, and this time struck lucky.

The man did not scream in pain, even though Hershel doubted it had been a clean death. He looked down at Jimmy almost casually and saw that he was no longer living.

_Beth’s age. I need to get back to her, back to them all._

‘Get in here!’ Rick hissed as he grabbed onto Hershel’s shirt and dragged him into the bar. Hershel didn’t resist, only contemplating on what he was risking by being out here at all.

‘What did you see?’ Rick asked. Hershel appreciated he did not scold him for risking his life so needlessly. _It’s the drink. Why did I turn back to drinking? Annette would be so ashamed._ Hershel would have wept, but now was the not the time.

‘Just one man in a field,’ Hershel answered. ‘I got him, but I can’t see good out into the town. I don’t know if the rest are still there waiting for us or not.’

‘You think we should go out the front?’ Andrea said. Hershel noticed she had stopped shaking and had put on her own mask of fearlessness like he had initially. _If it’s what we need to do to stay alive, then so be it,_

‘No,’ Rick said. ‘There could be fifty of them for all we know just waiting there.’

‘We can’t run into the field, we would be too exposed,’ Andrea argued. ‘So it looks like we need to pick one option or another.’

‘Le-,’ Rick slowed to a stop before he could even properly start his sentence, and Hershel felt his blood run cold. Judging by the reactions of Rick and Andrea both, Hershel knew he was not the only one.

The moans of the sick could be heard.

_Dead. Not sick, dead!_

Hershel looked down at the floor and took a deep breath. ‘I’ll go and see.’

Rick shouted at him not to, but Hershel ignored him. He had to see them, even if it would be the last thing he ever saw. It was the least he could do after risking his family for so many months, to accept that he had been wrong. And if it cost him his life, so be it. It was the least he deserved.

He peaked his head to the left, and saw the dead coming out of the woods. They were like ghosts in the night, one had a white dressing rope that illuminated her. All of them swarmed around the man he had shot, who still had not made a noise since he had shot him.

That changed when the dead surrounded him. The man let out a scream as the dead tore into him, biting with their teeth and letting out shrieks of their own in an orgy of blood and gore.

Hershel found he could not look away, seeing for the first time.

_They are monsters. I was such a fool._

‘Shit, the dead are here,’ he could hear a man yell now from his right. Hershel instantly turned around and saw a glimpse of a man on the street before he disappeared from his vision, but he continued to hear him. ‘C’mon, they’re not worth it. Let’s get out of this joint.’

‘Okay,’ the other man sounded all too eager to agree. ‘The keys are still in that truck; let’s just grab it and drive. Fuck Dave and Tony!’

‘What about Randall?’

‘Fuck Randall too!’

Hershel heard his truck’s engine starting, but he had heard enough. He felt rather than saw Rick and Andrea by his side.

‘Let’s get the jeep and get out of here,’ Rick muttered. The man’s screams from the field had died now, replaced only by the horrible moans of the dead.

‘There’s still one guy around,’ Hershel told them. ‘Be careful.’

With one last look at the field to see the ghastly figures in the field surrounding the corpse, Hershel followed Rick and Andrea as they went down the alleyway. All three backed against the wall, with Rick closest to the street.

‘Wait, don’t leave me!’ The voice that must have belonged to Randall screeched as the truck took off, lights shining the way. Hershel braced himself as for a shadow of a second, he had feared that the driver of the truck had spotted them.

But just like that, the truck was gone. And Randall continued to curse his bad luck.

‘What should we do?’ Andrea asked.

Hershel saw Rick grimace, before checking his head around the corner much like Hershel had taken a chance looking out the bar. He immediately swung his head back.

Before Hershel could ask him what the situation was, he immediately got his answer by Randall’s shout. ‘Hey, hey you! Don’t shoot, please! I’m u-‘

Andrea quickly moved past Rick before Hershel himself could blink, and she fired her gun aiming at Randall. Judging by the way she had aimed her gun, Hershel guessed Randall must have been on the rooftop. And with his strangled cry, Hershel assumed Andrea had hit her target.

‘C’mon,’ she said as she headed out into the street. Gone was her shock from killing Jimmy, she was wearing her mask for now. Hershel followed her and Rick as they headed out into the street, knowing the mask would slip and crack at any moment.

The strangled cry turned into an agonising scream before Hershel placed a foot on the street, and he looked up in alarm.

Andrea had fired at Randall, and whether because he was swaying from his injury or just a mad dash to escape from the rooftop, he had fallen from the side of the building. A large metal spike from a gate was impaled into his leg, and he was screaming bloody murder.

The sounds of the dead from behind increased in volume. Hershel didn’t need to look back to know they were now descending onto the town like they had with the man he had shot.

‘Shit,’ Andrea whispered. Her mask had slipped like Hershel knew it would have as she looked at Randall, and the situation she had unintentionally created. ‘Shit, I didn’t mean to.’

‘It’s okay,’ Hershel told her. He placed a hand on her shoulder which she flinched at, but he kept his hand steady. _We need to keep on the move, or we’re not making it back to my family._ ‘You did what you had to, we all did.’

‘Please, help me,’ Randall was begging now. He had landed on a dumpster with his lower leg caught on the spike. It took only one look to know he wasn’t going to make it, not with the dead breathing down their neck like they were. ‘I didn’t want to shoot at you, _they_ made me. Please.’

‘We’ve got to leave him,’ Hershel said. ‘I’m sorry, son. But the dead are coming.’

‘He’s right,’ Rick told Randall. ‘I’m sorry it had to be this way.’

‘No, no,’ Randall was crying now, and despite his predicament tried to sit up and reach for them. ‘Please, just get me out of this. It hurts so bad. Just get me out of this and I’ll be out of your way, I swear!’

‘Rick!’ Hershel saw the way Rick hesitated and didn’t like it one bit. _We can deal with what we had to do when we get home. Now is not the time!_

‘We can’t,’ Andrea said. Hershel turned to look at her. Her eyes were wide, and the mask was well and truly gone. ‘I can’t be responsible for another death tonight, I can’t.’ She went over to Randall and examined the leg.

Rick sighed, and Hershel cursed for the first time in a long time. ‘This is madness, Rick!’

He turned around to see the first of the dead coming from the alley. It was a man in a doctor’s grub, snarling and raising his hand as he saw the human. A woman followed him, then another man.

‘Help me, Hershel,’ Rick said with gritted teeth as he went to the leg. ‘We can fix him while we’re driving home.’

 _This’ll kill him. It’ll kill us all._ Instead, Hershel rolled up his sleeves and got over to help Rick. Andrea had turned around and now fired her gun at the walkers, but the sound of the gun intensified the sounds and wants from the dead.

‘We have to pull it straight through,’ Rick said. ‘There’s no other option.’

‘There isn’t,’ Hershel agreed. He looked at Randall, and felt no pity to see the look of fear in the young boy’s eyes. ‘He isn’t likely to make it.’

‘Wait, what?’ Randall was confused, clearly. And before he could protest, Rick and Hershel held onto his leg with a tight grip and pulled it out of the spike.

Randall screamed as Andrea fired.

*

‘Hey.’

Carol looked up at Theodore. She was currently standing underneath the oak tree and the moonlight with a lantern, by Sophia’s grave.

_How can a mother outlive her own daughter? It’s just not right._

‘Hey,’ Carol replied. She sniffed and with her one free hand rubbed her eyes.

‘Why weren’t you at the dinner? Patricia made a nice steak pie for everybody, it was lovely,’ Theodore went over to stand next to Carol as he too looked at the burial site. Three crosses made with sticks and tied with a bow and love stared back.

‘I just wasn’t feeling up to it,’ Carol told him. Theodore nodded, still looking at the graves.

‘Well, I saved you a plate anyway. All you need to do is take it out of the wrapping and heat it up if you wish.’

Carol pondered on his words before saying, ‘thank you.’

‘Anytime.’

They settled into a comfortable silence, something that they were getting familiar with. Carol found herself feeling slightly stronger with Theodore at her side and took comfort in his presence. He had been the only one to actively check on her and search for Sophia during her absence.

It made sense that he would be there for her when dealing with her death.

‘Hey,’ Theodore’s words made her snap out of her thoughts. ‘You’re crying.’

Carol laughed as she wiped away her tears. ‘I guess I am.’

Theodore hesitated, before embracing her in a hug. Carol was startled at first, but she let herself go limb in his arms. And then she cried, cried like she had never cried before. Her entire body shook as she gave in to the sorrow that threatened to consume her.

After it was over, she found herself kneeling on the dirt with Theodore.

‘I just can’t believe it, Theodore,’ Carol found herself saying. The words rolled out of her mouth as if she had no control over them, and she guessed she did not. ‘How can my girl be gone, how? We were just finally getting our lives back.’

‘I know, it’s unfair,’ Theodore replied. ‘You don’t deserve this. _She_ didn’t deserve this.’

‘No,’ Carol said. Her voice sounded far away now. ‘She didn’t.’

She looked at the cross, Sophia’s cross. There had been nothing to indicate which cross was Sophia’s, Shawn’s or Annette’s; but Carol knew that Sophia had been buried further to the right. She had a feeling this cross would forever be in her mind from now until her last day.

‘I think I need to pray, Theodore,’ Carol murmured. Theodore looked at her and nodded, and for the first time she had seen him he looked uncertain.

‘What is it?’

Theodore hesitated, before saying, ‘can I pray with you?’

_Of course. He wanted me to show him before we found her._

Carol let out a shaky breath, and Theodore mistook that for her rejection. ‘I’m sorry Carol, shit. I know this was something you wanted to do alone.’

Carol reached out with her hand and gripped Theodore’s hand. He looked at her, and she shook her head. ‘I can’t do this alone, Theodore. I need you with me, and I said I would show you how to pray.’ She let out another shaky sigh as she thought of saying a prayer for her dead daughter. ‘So let’s do this, for Sophia.’

‘For Sophia,’ Theodore agreed.

Carol gently let go of Theodore’s hand, and placed her hands in a prayer. ‘Just do what I do and repeat after me,’ she told him. Theodore nodded, before placing his own hands in a prayer.

Carol hesitated, before giving herself to her prayers. She closed her eyes and thought of her girl who would be up in the heaven above.

‘Father, you know our hearts and share our sorrows. We are hurt by our parting from Sophia whom we loved: when we are angry at the loss we have sustained, when we long for words of comfort, yet find them hard to hear, turn out grief to truer living, our affliction to firmer hope in Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.’

Theodore murmured after her, and Carol opened her eyes. She didn’t expect to feel immediate comfort, she knew that time would heal the wounds she had if it did at all.

But as she said the words, she felt a hallow hole in her heart. They had meant nothing to her.

_Why pray to God if he didn’t save my daughter from her death? She didn’t deserve to die like this._

She turned around to face Theodore, and he opened his eyes. She expected to see a mirror of her own disappointment reflected back to her, a look that said the prayer had meant nothing and it didn’t do anything to cope with their loss.

Instead he was utterly sincere. ‘Thank you, Carol, for letting me join in with you.’

Carol was taken aback, and suddenly she felt desperate. _He has to agree with me on this. He has to._ ‘How was it? Did you feel any different?’

Theodore shook his head, and Carol felt her heart soar. But just as quickly he made it fall too. ‘I don’t think it’s like a magic wand. A single prayer isn’t going to make me forget about the pain of losing Sophia and Veronica, it just isn’t. But I enjoyed the silence of it all. Even with us talking, I felt it could work if I just keep doing it. To just get to be that peaceful, you know? Sorry if I’m not explaining it well, this whole thing is new to me.’

Carol could have cried then again. _He did take something out of this. How can he feel something and I can’t?_

She only smiled and nodded at him. ‘I’m glad to hear of it.’

Theodore pulled himself up from the ground and she accepted his hand in lifting her up, but her thoughts were occupied from the prayer.

*

‘Guys, come here.’

Morales was sitting in the Greene family sitting room on the couch. Louis and Eliza had been playing with toys that could be found throughout the house, no doubt left behind by Rachel and Susie. With just the three of them alone for now, Morales felt it was the perfect opportunity to get to talk to them.

_God knows I’ve left this alone for as long as possible._

Eliza was the first to get up, and she bounced over to the couch to sit next to him. Louis only crawled forward as if he were a toddler and sat on the floor, watching him. It made Morales frown, but he thought better than to comment on it. He did not want to be put off by something trivial.

‘What is it, dad?’ Louis asked.

Morales sighed, and he enfolded Eliza in a hug. ‘Louis, sit up in the couch please. I think you both need to hear this from me, and it’ll be better if you are next to me.’

Louis shrugged, but he sat next to Morales on the other side of the couch. Holding his two kids the way he was with one arm each around their shoulders, he found that it was going to be a hard talk.

‘I know you are upset over Sophia,’ Morales said quietly. There, he had said it. He looked at Louis and then at Eliza to gauge their reaction. Eliza looked downward and bit her lip, while Louis only nodded. There was nothing to indicate that he had been upset.

‘It’s really upsetting,’ Morales continued. ‘You’ve already lost your mother,’ and at that he almost stumbled. Just mentioning her was enough to provoke so much grief that he didn’t know he was capable of. ‘But you’ve lost a friend now, too. I am so sorry that you are going through this.’

Eliza looked at Morales, her eyes shining like coins. ‘Why can’t Sophia come back, dad? She’s not old like mommy was, I don’t understand. She’s my age.’

Morales sighed, and he let Eliza snuggle up closer to him. ‘I’m afraid darling that Sophia can’t come back. She’s in heaven, dear.’ He swallowed. _Should I tell the truth, or the lies that makes every kid feel better about themselves._ Looking at Eliza, he knew he had to pick the latter.

‘And sometimes God wants another angel in his heaven. That’s why he picked her; you see. She’s special.’ The words felt like vomit rolling from his tongue. He closed his eyes and thought of Miranda, how she would have handled this a lot better than he was currently doing.

‘That’s stupid!’

Morales turned around in alarm to see Louis. He had his arms folded and looked thoroughly unimpressed judging by the glare he shot at his father. ‘Why did Mom die then if she wasn’t special enough to be an angel? And why does he need more angels anyway?’

Morales was taken aback by Louis’ scepticism, but in a way he was glad. _Good. Let him get this hurt out. He needs to deal with it._ ‘I don’t know, son,’ Morales told Louis then, and he was glad that it was the truth. He did not feel like slime for having said it. ‘Nobody knows. We all loved your mother very much, everybody did. And everybody loved Sophia too. We all eventually go to heaven at some point, this was just your mother and Sophia’s time. It won’t be like that for you two, not until the pair of you are much older than Dale.’

Eliza started to cry, and Morales hushed her with soft words as he kept his glance on Louis, who did not crack in the slightest. He simply shrugged. ‘Then can I go back to playing? I don’t care about heaven if it’s as stupid as that.’

For a moment, Morales found himself lost for words and an anger took over that he didn’t think he was capable of showing to his son. Letting go from Eliza, Morales grabbed Louis by the shirt. ‘Louis, you hear me because I’m only going to say this once! You can’t keep shutting yourself out over your mother! Why don’t you cry, son?! Any normal kid would have cried at least once! Why don’t you! You haven’t cried since that night!’

He found himself yelling ugly words, and Louis started to bawl then. It was not for grief for his mother like Morales had hoped for, only out of fear of his father being so close to him.

‘Morales!’

Morales turned around, stunned out of his anger by the scandalised voice of Patricia. She was standing at the doorway, her mouth open. Louis and Eliza were both screaming bloody murder, the former desperately trying to squirm and get away from him.

Morales let go of Louis, who fell onto the couch. He scrambled away from the couch and into the corner of the room and cried into his hands, refusing to look at Morales.

Patricia quickly strode forward, and she knelt down to Louis’ height. ‘Hush, darling. It’s okay,’ she soothed. She turned around and beckoned for Eliza to join her. Eliza did so, and it hurt Morales’ heart to see that his own children were crying their hearts out because of him.

_My god, what was I doing?_

‘Let’s get you both to bed. The pair of you sleep in the RV, don’t you?’ Patricia asked his kids. Morales saw Louis nod, and she stood up. ‘Let’s go, then.’ She shot Morales a glare as she walked out of the room, Louis in one hand and Eliza in the other.

Morales watched them go. It hurt more than he could say that the pair of them did their best not to look at him. He covered his face and started to cry.

The grandfather clock ticked away, and for what seemed like eternity Patricia was finally back in the sitting room. Morales had long stopped crying, his eyes rimmed red. Patricia folded her arms and looked at him in an all too similar way that Louis had with their talk about heaven.

‘The kids are sleeping,’ she said. ‘Dale is watching out for them the now. Can I ask what the hell was that about?’ Morales sighed and looked down on the floor. The cotton rug felt soft beneath his socks, yet he had never felt as rough as he did in that moment.

‘I’m sorry,’ was all he could find to say.

‘You shouldn’t be sorry to me,’ Patricia scolded him. ‘You should be sorry to Louis for hurting him, and for Eliza for scaring her. I didn’t know you were that kind of man.’

‘I’m not!’ Morales protested. He felt desperate then. _Can’t she see?_ ‘Believe me, I’m not. But this has been bugging me for ages, Pat. Ever since his mother died, Louis just hasn’t _grieved_. He’s never cried, he’s never shown upset over it. He just gets on with it as if nothing happened.’

‘And?’ Patricia raised her eyebrows. ‘Your son is dealing with it in his own way. You know how I’ve been since Otis passed. I don’t want it to take over my life. Louis will deal with it in his own way in his own time, you cannot force something like this out of him.’

Morales ruffled his hair as he sighed. ‘You’re right,’ he muttered. Shame filled him a never-ending cup. ‘But I don’t know, Patricia. Shouldn’t kids his age be more upset about this kind of thing?’

Patricia softened her stance then, and she sat down next to Morales. ‘Listen, I’ve been through this before as an outsider. When Hershel’s first wife died and he remarried, Maggie didn’t take it well at all. The rest of the older ones did eventually, but Maggie never did. Some children are simply different in that way, Morales. And I think you’re grieving for your wife too, and it upsets you because it seems like Louis isn’t at all.’

Morales wanted to argue, but there was an element of truth in Patricia’s words. ‘You might be right,’ he sighed. ‘God, I’m such an arsehole.’

‘Well, you were tonight,’ Patricia told him bluntly. ‘But you aren’t an arsehole the rest of the time, and that counts. Just get some sleep Morales, it’s been a long day. And tomorrow, you think of a way to make it up for your children.’

Morales nodded, and he got up from the couch. He was close to the door before he turned around to see Patricia hadn’t moved from the couch, instead staring at the blank television. ‘Patricia.’

‘Yeah?’ Patricia turned around to face him, eyes light with curiosity.

‘Thank you.’

*

Lacey hesitated, before lighting up her cigarette and puffing away before she could change her mind. She hadn’t smoked in six months, but if there was ever an time to start old habits, tonight was the perfect time.

‘Lacey.’

Lacey turned around, a deer in the headlights. _Shit._ She dropped her cigarette and went to stomp on it, hoping that Arnold hadn’t seen.

Too late. Arnold had looked as lost and hurt as she had felt throughout the entire day, but the way he knowingly smiled at her confirmed he had saw what she had tried to hide. ‘I didn’t know you smoked.’

‘Not so loud,’ Lacey hissed as she indicated the back of their house. It was only Patricia, Morales and his kids and the Grimes mother and son duo in the lower section as far as she knew, but the shame of having the whole family know about her secret would have been too much.

Especially as it would leak out to her father sooner or later. With Arnold at least, she could try and get him to keep quiet.

_Fuck, why should I care? He abandoned us, he has no right to think badly of me now._

‘Don’t worry, your secret is safe with me,’ Arnold said as he sat down on the bench. Lacey sighed before she went through her pocket again and got another cigarette out. ‘Do you have another?’

She had several, but she shook her head. ‘This is the last one.’

‘Right,’ Arnold shook his head. Besides the clucks of the chickens in their pens, the night was quiet. Lacey had thought she had heard shouting earlier on coming from inside the house, but after the disaster that had been her own shouting match with her father she didn’t dare be a party to another.

‘How are you feeling?’ Arnold asked.

Lacey thought of his question as she took a puff. She blew out smoke and said, ‘I don’t know, Arnie. I know I’ve lost Shawn and Annette, and that dad has got to be a coward to have kept this group with us for as long as he has.’

‘That isn’t fair, Lacey,’ Arnold told her. ‘You saw what we all saw back there; that woman getting back up as if she hadn’t been shot several times. Dad’s only human, he’s not as perfect as he makes himself out to be. Me, Shawn and Maggie figured that out a long time ago. I don’t know why you haven’t yet.’

Lacey tossed the cigarette and stomped on it aggressively. _I really shouldn’t have started this bullshit._ ‘If you figured it out, why didn’t you leave like Maggie did?’

‘Because I’m a chickenshit,’ Arnold said. ‘It’s really that simple, you know. And I think Shawn was planning to, although he wouldn’t tell me anything about it if he was. I love dad, but he’s difficult. He all but cut Maggie out for doing it, if it wasn’t for this bullshit going on I don’t think he would have accepted her back if she did come back.’

Lacey shook her head. ‘Maggie wasn’t right, leaving us the way she did. Dad has always provided for us; it’s only right we help him provide for the younger ones and for him when he gets older.’

Now it was Arnold’s turn to shake his head. ‘Listen, Lacey. We all have our own lives to live. We can’t always be under dad’s shadow, shaking at the thought of heaven and hell and all that bullshit.’

Lacey sighed, before she sat down opposite of Arnold. ‘Maybe. But why are you so comfortable with this group, Arnie? I saw you digging the graves with them.’

‘That was for Annette and Shawn, not _them_ ,’ Arnold held out his hand for her to take. She did not take it. He continued, ‘and I’m comfortable with them because they’ve given me no reason not to be. That Shane is an arsehole, granted. I would love to kick the fuck out of him, after what he did today.’

Lacey raised her eyebrows. ‘He beat the shit out of you, you know.’

Arnold shrugged. ‘So? I’ll just get better next time.’ He shot her a grin, but he quickly grew serious again. ‘Listen, Lace. Give the group a chance. If they’re staying, that is. I don’t think they are bad people. You’ve seen Maggie with that Glenn boy, she’s smitten with him. And since when has Maggie ever fallen for some bloke like that?’

‘Never,’ Lacey said softly. _I really need some sleep if I’m starting to agree with this idiot._ ‘But Arnold, I can’t forget that day when Shawn and Annette got infected. That happened because dad let some strangers rest here in the barn. And that Shane has already proven himself to be a danger. It could happen again.’

Arnold got up from the bench and walked over to her. Before she could protest, he enfolded her in a hug. ‘It won’t happen again,’ he whispered to her ear. ‘You hear me? It won’t happen again. We know how to deal with these things now. We’ll be careful.’

Lacey shuddered in Arnold’s hug. ‘I’m so scared, Arnie. I always have been.’

‘I know,’ Arnold told her. ‘And that isn’t going to happen again, either. Once dad comes back, I’m going to tell him some home truths about the way he treats us.’

Lacey only nodded, allowing herself to be sheltered by Arnold’s embrace.

*

‘Carl, it’s time for your bed.’

Carl only nodded as he wrapped his covers around him. Lori got up from her chair and went to kiss her son on his forehead. ‘Goodnight, Carl.’

‘Mom.’

‘Yeah,’ Lori turned around to face her son. As he always did when lying in the double bed, he looked so much smaller than he was. But he was getting better, Lori knew that. Hershel had told her that it would only be a couple of days before he could begin walking without crutches again.

_Maybe there is a small light in this nightmare after all._

‘When is dad coming back?’

The small sense of optimism Lori had was gone up in smoke, replaced by fear and uncertainly. _I don’t know, son._ It hadn’t been too long since he and Andrea had gone, but the longer he was out the more the fear grew.

_Some things never change._

‘Soon, Carl,’ Lori smiled as best she could as she sat down on the chair. She was beginning to hate the wooden chair and for all the memories it was starting to represent, of sitting on it and waiting to see if her son would live or die. ‘He’s got Andrea with him, so he’ll be fine.’

‘Good,’ Carl nodded. And just as Lori thought he was about to fall asleep, he looked her in the eye. ‘Can I ask you something?’

‘Of course,’ Lori sat up straighter. ‘You can ask me anything, Carl. You know that?’

Carl bit his lip, but he nodded. ‘Could you do it?’

‘Do what, son?’

‘Shoot Sophia.’

The clarification made Lori froze, and she looked at her son before her. Only moments ago, she was contemplating on how the bed made him look as small as she had ever seen him. Now he was staring at her with the intensity of a man, asking adult questions.

 _We’re already losing him to this world._ It was a thought not laced with sadness or bitterness or anger, it was simple fact.

_No, you can’t think that way, Lori. Don’t let this world beat the goodness out of him and make him care only about survival. It’s just a question, an innocent enough question. If you raise him right, he won’t think like that._

‘I don’t think I could have, Carl,’ Lori said. ‘What your dad did, that was brave. Not many people could have done that. But you know she is in a better place now, right? She’s no longer suffering.’

‘I know, mom,’ Carl said quietly. ‘I like to think I would have been able to shoot her too, but I don’t know if I could have. I promised I would protect her, and I blew it.’

Lori closed her eyes. _Too much. This is too much._ ‘You didn’t blow anything, Carl. You did try to protect her, remember? You went out to save her before you got shot. I don’t want you to risk your life in such a way again, but don’t for a second think you didn’t do your best in trying to protect her Carl. Because you did.’

Lori leaned over and kissed him on the head. ‘Now get some sleep, Carl. It’s been a long day.’

‘Goodnight Mom.’

Lori left the room and shut the door quietly and put her hands to her mouth to prevent a strangled sob from escaping. _I need some air!_ Lori marched through the hall and out of the house and stood in the porch, gasping for air.

_I can’t have a baby. Not in this world. If Carl’s already growing up this way, what chance does this baby have?_

‘Lori.’

The voice of the man she wanted to hear from the least caught her attention, and she quickly stood up. She had shown weakness to this man before when the bombs had fallen, and it had been a mistake. It was something she wouldn’t do again.

‘What are you wanting?’

Shane just looked at her and rubbed his head. ‘I’ve been an asshole, I know. But the barn needed to happen. You know it as well as I do.’

Lori scoffed in disgust. ‘You started a mess, that’s what I know. And now we might all be thrown out because of you. To top it all off, you couldn’t even finish the mess you started. Rick had to do that with Sophia.’

Shane closed his eyes, and the pair of them stood there in the darkness. If it were not for the lights from the house, Lori wouldn’t have been able to see the anguish he was displaying.

‘I couldn’t do it because of Otis.’

Lori blinked, and she examined Shane. _He has bags under his eyes. He hasn’t been sleeping well at all._ ‘What does Otis have to do with anything?’

‘Everything,’ the finality of Shane’s reply took Lori aback. ‘At the school when we were getting those supplies for Carl, we ran into these kids. They were all walkers, Lori. It’s completely fucked me.’ He blinked back tears. ‘I haven’t been able to get them out of my mind. Tell me, don’t you feel that way about Sophia?’

Lori knew better than to entertain the conversation, but she nodded. ‘I haven’t gotten her out of my mind.’

‘And you won’t be able to,’ Shane told her. ‘It’s one thing seeing them as adults, another when they’re children. It fucks with you, Lori. It really does. And I did what I had to back at the school, too.’

There was a hint of danger to the conversation now, and Lori was reminded all too clearly of the encounter that the pair of them had at the CDC. But this felt different, in a way that watching a train wreck enhanced witness. ‘What do you mean?’

Shane huffed, and turned around to see if anybody was around. Satisfied, he turned to face her. There was nothing in his face that comforted her. ‘I’d do anything for you, Lori. You and Carl. Rick, too. And Carl needed me on that night, Lori. It was between me and Otis, one of us wasn’t going to make it. It had to be me who made it, for Carl.’

It took only moments for Lori to comprehend what he was saying. _Oh god, he didn’t…_ She backed away now, horrified. ‘Oh no,’ Lori whispered. ‘Oh no.’

Shane only nodded, grim as the reaper. ‘Carl needed me, just as our baby needs me, Lori. You know it, too. What Rick did today risked you all. I won’t ever make that mistake.’

 _Our baby…_ Lori felt sick to her stomach, and her hand instinctively went to clutch where she believed her baby to be. _He knows. And he’s killed Otis._ The world was spinning around her, and she felt this time she truly couldn’t breathe. _He’s a killer!_

‘Here, c’mon,’ Shane said as he approached Lori. Still in shock, Lori allowed Shane to wrap his arms around her. ‘It’s going to be okay. We’ll figure this out. We will.’

Lori only stared out into the field beyond, looking for an escape and seeing none.

**Day 75**

‘I brought you something,’ Glenn said as he stepped out of the house and handed Maggie a plate of sausage and eggs. ‘Made extra special, just for you.’

‘Thanks,’ she accepted the plate. ‘You got a fork and knife?’

‘Here you go. A napkin, too,’ he handed her the cutlery and the napkin before sitting down next to her. He looked at her from the corner of his eye and noted the lines beneath her own.

_She did her best in pretending she slept the night, but I know she couldn’t have._

‘Is everybody else eating in there?’ Maggie asked as she tucked into her breakfast.

‘Yeah,’ Glenn answered. He nodded over to where the tents and the RV were located. ‘Well, Shane and Carol are over there. Theodore is going to give her a plate. You know, it’s hard calling him that now. I’m just so used to T-Dog, it’s a bit of a shock to the system.’

‘I can imagine,’ Maggie said. ‘Have you eaten already?’

‘Yeah, I practically swallowed it whole. I didn’t realise I was that hungry, to tell you the truth.’ Glenn patted his stomach as if for emphasis. ‘I’ll have a lot of calories to burn off at the gym now.’ He cracked a smile, but Maggie didn’t smile herself.

_Shit, what do you expect Glenn? She’s worried sick like everybody else._

Indeed, the whole household were in a mood that was all too similar to the one the camp found themselves in after the attack back in Atlanta. It was an oppressive, suffocating mood that made Glenn want to scream into the void. It made him think of Amy and how just as she had been there one minute in his life, the next minute she was gone.

He could at least do something for Maggie however, even if it was something as simple as giving her a plate of breakfast. But Lori hadn’t been comforted by the absence of Rick with food either, she looked paler than Glenn had ever seen her. And Dale had been chattering endlessly about nothing to try and fill the gap in conversation, as if he was on the edge of a breakdown.

_The three of them have to be fine. They just have to be._

‘Hey, Maggie.’

Maggie turned to look at him. ‘Yeah?’

‘He’s going to be okay,’ Glenn told her. ‘Rick and Andrea have been through a lot of messed up shit back in Atlanta, they’ll keep him safe.’

Maggie looked like she might crumble there and then, but instead she only nodded. ‘I hope you’re right. But it shouldn’t have taken them this long, Glenn. Unless he wasn’t at the bar and they’re still out looking for them, I think something has happened.’ She put the plate aside. ‘I’m not hungry, I’m sorry.’

‘It’s okay,’ Glenn took the plate. ‘I’ll get this back in.’

Maggie nodded absently, looking out into the field as if she looked hard enough to see Hershel coming home, he would manifest into existence.

It just so happened at that precise moment, there was a car approaching from the distance.

Glenn dropped the plate as Maggie got up from the bench and walked down the steps, marching forward to greet what was now clearly the outline of the jeep. Glenn quickly burst into the house, and almost startled the life out of Dale.

‘Jesus, Glenn! You trying to give me a heart attack,’ Dale rubbed his back.

‘I’m sorry, Dale. But they’re back!’ Glenn heard the excitement of his voice and found he did not care. ‘They’re back!’ He shouted and saw that he had caught the group’s attention.

He quickly turned around and left the house, not waiting to see who out of the group would follow him out of the house. Walking out into the sun and seeing Rick driving the jeep with Andrea beside him almost made his heart skip a beat, because where was…

_Hershel._

Hershel was in the back, but next to Hershel was a man with a bag over his head. Hershel seemed to be tending to him with some medical resources, but the sight of the man put Glenn on edge.

 _Who is this? And why has he got a bag over his head?_ He thought about the retirement home back in Atlanta, the bullet holes which decorated its walls when he had returned and expected to see the group still up and running. He knew what was about to come would be something he did not like, and for a moment he wondered what would have happened if he had went in Andrea’s place.

The jeep slowed to a stop, and Andrea got out of the jeep first. Hershel was not far behind her. Dale brushed past Glenn and hugged Andrea, who broke down crying in his arms. ‘It’s okay, hon,’ he could hear Dale say. ‘You’re safe now.’

Hershel seemed almost hesitant as Maggie approached him, clearly unsure of how he would be received. He was received with a hug and a fierce, ‘don’t do this again,’ from Maggie. Rachel and Susie were next in line, followed by Beth and Arnold. Glenn turned around and frowned to see neither Lacey or Billy approach Hershel, still standing at the porch.

Rick got his own welcome in the form of Lori, who practically flew into his arms. ‘Where have you been?’ Lori asked him. ‘What took you so long?’

Rick sighed, and he turned around to look at the man in the jeep. Everybody seemed to turn around and stare at the man in the jeep now, Glenn noticed.

‘We were attacked in town. This was one of them.’

Chaos ensued. The whole group broke into arguing, loudly demanding to know what happened and why did they bring one of the so-called attackers back. Glenn did not let out a word of his own, because he saw in the distance that Shane was approaching.

_This isn’t going to end well, no matter what happens._

‘Enough!’ Rick shouted, and it was enough. The group quietened down. ‘Randall here isn’t staying, it’s why he’s got the bag over his head. He’s going to heal from his injury, then I’m sending him packing. It’s more than he deserves, but this isn’t for debate.’

‘Why not!’ Shane called out. Everybody turned around to face him. Glenn braced himself for the upcoming explosion.

‘Because it isn’t Shane!’ Rick snapped. ‘This isn’t going to play out like the barn. I’m making it clear here and now that this is going to play out the way I want it to play out, because it’s the safest for us all. Now if you excuse me.’

He made a move for the house, Lori at his side. Glenn noted that Shane stood where he was, watching the pair of them with an expression Glenn could only describe as hunger.

‘Hey,’ Hershel said. Glenn turned around and the man placed a tight grip on his shoulder. Fearing he was about to be scolded for something or another, Glenn only waited to see what the older man had to say.

‘Thank you for looking after my daughter,’ Hershel said. He patted him once, before heading to the house and leaving a shocked Glenn in the dust.

*

‘Are you sure you’re okay?’

‘I’m sure, Lori.’

Rick and Lori were in Carl’s bedroom currently, sitting on top of the double bed. Carl wasn’t there, after being taken out by Beth to the backyard to play with Louis, Eliza and the twins. The door was closed, a barrier between the outside world and their domestic privacy.

He did feel fine, however. What he wasn’t sure about was sparing Randall.

_What is possessing me to feel remorse for that asshole? Is it because of Andrea’s own panic at nearly killing him? I thought you would do anything to protect your family, Rick._

He sighed and pressed his hands to his face. ‘I just don’t know if I’m doing the right thing, Lori. It seems like whenever I’m close to dealing with a problem, ten more problems show up.’

Lori nodded, and she went to touch his shoulder. Looking at her now, really looking at her and taking her in, Rick saw how pale she was. _And her hands are shaking. I nearly died yesterday, and I would have left her alone in this world with just Carl and the baby._

The thought filled him with shame, and he held onto her hand. ‘There’s no need to be afraid.’

Lori looked at him, and she shook her head. ‘There is, Rick.’ Her voice was small.

Rick found himself gripping her hand tight, and he let go as she let out a small gasp. ‘I’m sorry,’ he told her. ‘What is there to be afraid of?’

He knew the answer before she told him.

‘Shane.’ It came out as a whisper, and she looked at him. It was the most frightened he had ever seen her look, and that terrified him and enraged him in equal measure.

‘What did he do?’ Rick asked. He heard the sound of his voice and did not recognise the man who spoke them.

‘He killed Otis. And…’ Her voice shook. Rick did not recover from the shock of Lori’s confession well enough to process what she was about to say next. ‘He tried to rape me back at the CDC.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, this was a hard chapter to write. Not so much the last half, but the first half at the town very much so. I hope you all enjoy it because I'm not confident with it at all.


	17. Day 76 - Night 76

**Day 76**

It started with a kick.

The whimpering figure underneath his boot couldn’t stop blubbering and pleading with him to stop, but Shane had no intention of doing such a thing.

‘Why should I stop?’ He asked, and the boy only said, ‘please, don’t.’

Shane kicked again, and Randall groaned in pain. His legs and hands were tied together. He had been wearing a blindfold as well, but Shane figured he needed the visual experience of what he was about to go through. For all sense of purpose, Randall couldn’t have been more helpless if he tried. 

But Shane needed him to talk. And Randall had refused to answer his every question so far regarding his group’s whereabouts.

‘Tough son of a bitch, aren’t you?’ Shane found himself saying as he observed the boy before him. He didn’t hold it against Randall that he was crying, for even the strongest man could cry under torture. What he did hold against him was that he didn’t fold as easily as he thought he would have.

_Looks like I’ll need to get more serious with him._

Shane sighed, and took satisfaction in seeing Randall _flinch._ ‘You disappoint me, Randall. Here I thought we were going to be friends once you told me everything about your group.’

Randall shook his head violently. ‘I’ve told you; I have no idea where they are, man. Please believe me. They abandoned me back in the town. They never saw me as important, they won’t come back for me.’

‘Oh Randy,’ Shane said as he knelt down before the boy. He leaned into his ear and said, ‘How come I don’t believe you?’

Randall groaned. Shane smirked as he stood up and turned around to the table within the barn. On the surface were pliers. The barn itself smelt of shit and dead bodies, and Shane suspected the scent of dead bodies would forever linger in the barn.

‘This place is a curse, Randall,’ Shane said as he examined the pliers. _Perfect for this job._ ‘Ain’t nobody who been in here came back out alive. I hope you know that.’

Randall continued to cry in broken strangled sobs. Shane turned around with the pliers in hand, and upon realising what Shane had in his hands he cried harder than he had before.

‘Please, don’t! I’ll tell you anything! Please!’

Shane tutted. ‘I didn’t think you would break as easy as that, boy. You’ve held out this long, and I ain’t even started yet.’

‘Just tell me what you want to know!’ Randall cried. ‘Please, just don’t hurt me.’

‘Pathetic,’ Shane said. But he bent down on his knees and used one hand to grab Randall’s chin and forced him to look at his eyes. ‘I promise you, I won’t hurt you with these pliers if you just tell me the truth. That’s all you need to do.’

Shane wanted to laugh at the flicker of hope that crossed Randall’s face. ‘You promise?’

‘I promise. Now tell me; where are your people from?’

Randall’s eyes widened. ‘I don’t know man, honest. I honestly don’t know.’

Shane made a show of shaking his head and getting up from his knees, before walking around so he was fully behind Randall. ‘I think I’ll start with plucking out your fingernails, man. That’s what liars like you are going to get from me.’

Randall’s voice sunk to a new wave of hysteria that Shane had never heard come from anybody before. ‘Oh no, please!’

_He’s telling the truth on this._

Shane kicked Randall hard enough for him to fall down. He groaned and sucked in the air that he lost from such a blow, but once again Shane towered over him. ‘I believe you, man. How many men have you got in this group?’

Randall continued to wheeze, but Shane waited patiently. Sure enough, he replied. ‘Must be thirty, thirty-five men.’

 _And this is why I always played the bad cop to Rick’s good cop._ Any sense of satisfaction over what he was doing with Randall evaporated when he thought of his friend. The past day Rick had completely and utterly blanked him, and the few moments he had managed to catch his eye Rick had shot him a full glare.

He shook his head, trying to focus on the present. _Rick can lord the barn over me all he wants, but he knows I’m right._ ‘What about women, children?’

This was when Randall went quiet. Shane narrowed his eyes. ‘What about the women and kids, Randall? I thought it was a simple enough question!?’ He kicked Randall in the ribs again, and another moan of pain escaped from his lips.

‘There aren’t any,’ Randall spat blood. ‘Just men.’

‘Hmm,’ Shane rubbed his head. He had dropped the pliers to the floor when he had started getting answers, now he picked them up. ‘And I’ve heard that you guys ran into a few people with stories to tell. What did you do with these people?’ _Those women and children_ , he wanted to add, but he wanted to hear from the boy’s own mouth first.

Randall shook his head and started to cry, so Shane grabbed his hair and pulled him up slightly. ‘I won’t ask again, boy.’

‘The others, they had their fun,’ Randall whimpered. Shane felt cold all over at the revelation, just hearing it had that effect on him because he had suspected it to the case. ‘They had their fun,’ Randall repeated.

‘And you were always on the move?’

‘Always.’

‘Right,’ Shane said. ‘Would they come back for you?’

Randall shook his head violently. ‘No, man. They left me, remember? They wouldn’t risk themselves to save me.’

‘Yeah, I get it,’ Shane said. He looked at the figure before him and spat at him. ‘That’s all I wanted to hear from you.’

‘Oh, thank you, thank you,’ Randall murmured, no doubt thinking he was going to be left to lick his wounds. Shane had no intention of letting that happen, not after what Randall had told him. ‘You think you’re getting out of this free?’

Randall’s face was a comical sight for Shane. ‘But, you promised you wouldn’t hurt me.’

Shane only smirked, although he knew his face wouldn’t have been humorous in the slightest in Randall’s position. ‘Did I? I must have forgotten.’

Randall screamed and begged for mercy. He wiggled in his bound ropes, but it was useless to resist. Shane put his foot on Randall’s back to keep him steady, before holding Randall’s arms from behind him. It was a sloppy process, and Shane’s grip on Randall’s hand was shaky at best.

But one moment was all it took. The metal slid underneath one of Randall’s fingernails, and slow and steady Shane shut the pliers with a satisfying click.

Randall screamed.

*

‘Dad, look!’

Rick forced a smile as Carl took his first steps in the back yard. The boy threw a fist in the air, and yelled, ‘I’m free!’ The crutches were on the grass, forgotten by its last owner already. He took his steps and he did not fall.

‘You’re free,’ Rick agreed. He felt a hand pat his shoulder, and he turned around to look at Lori. She smiled, but Rick saw right through it. They had been married for too long to hide from one another.

‘That’s right,’ Hershel said as he went to pick the crutches up. ‘I’m glad you’re up and walking about, Carl. I’m sure you were getting sick of Maggie’s bedroom.’

Carl nodded, although Rick heard the implications in Hershel’s words. _Maggie’s bedroom._ Rick did not take it for granted that Hershel might have allowed the group to stay after their experience at the town, and so he wasn’t wholly surprised.

With the way Lori looked down at her stomach, Rick felt his heart tighten. _How are we going to deal with this?_

Carl was oblivious, he all but ran to the chickens in the pen. Lori got up from the bench instantly, no doubt to be glad for the distraction from the thoughts that were eating her alive. Eating them both alive, for that matter.

_I can’t believe I saw that bastard as a brother._

It had been a restless night. He had kept twisting and turning, thinking of Shane and the scratches he had on his chest. Dave and Tony had been in his dreams too, and the presence of Randall in the barn that threatened to bring ruin and destruction upon them all if his group went back for them.

He had been a fool for not realising, not seeing through the strange behaviour of both Lori and Shane. He was a bigger one for not packing his bags now and leaving the farm where they were not wanted, get the hell out of dodge before it was too late.

So caught up in his thoughts, Rick didn’t realise Hershel had taken over Lori’s spot. ‘How are you feeling?’ Hershel asked.

Rick could have laughed. _I want to kill Shane, that’s how I’m feeling Hershel. I want to leave you here on the farm for Randall’s group to come here and meet your ungrateful ass, that’s how I’m feeling Hershel._

Instead, he told an abridged truth. ‘Worried,’ he said.

Hershel sighed and nodded. ‘Me too. I can’t stop thinking about the other night. How close I came to losing my life, when my family needed me the most.’

Despite his harsh view on Hershel’s stance at the moment, Rick felt his sympathies soften for the older man. ‘How is Beth?’

Hershel shook his head. ‘She’s getting better, physically. She is eating now. But she still lies in her bed. I’m worried about her. I don’t know what goes through teenage girl’s heads at the best of times, and this is definitely not the best of times.’

‘You’ve got that right,’ Rick said darkly. He watched Lori and Carl at the chicken pen, and what Lori said about her pregnancy was on the forefront of his mind. _What kind of world are our children going to grow up in? Not an easy one, that is for sure._

‘Listen, Rick,’ Hershel said. Rick looked up at him, unsure of what he was about to say. ‘I wanted to say thanks for coming and getting me from that town. I would thank the good Lord above, but truth is he had nothing to do with it. It was you and Andrea who got me out of that hole I dug myself in.’

‘It’s no problem,’ Rick said, feeling uncomfortable all of a sudden.

Hershel hesitated, before saying, ‘I’ve reconsidered allowing you all to stay. I think after what you’ve done for me, for my family really; I would like for you to stay.’

Rick couldn’t have been more astonished if one of the walkers had started to talk and dance on a beach ball. _Now I really am an arsehole for thinking what I was thinking._ ‘You’re kidding, right?’

‘No,’ Hershel shook his head. ‘I never forget when somebody does me a favour as big as you and Andrea did for me. Why do you think Otis and Patricia were so close to my family in the first place? They helped me out so much at the beginning. And I think my daughter would be upset with me if I kicked her boyfriend out of the farm.’ At this he let a small grin, even if he seemed saddened by the mention of Otis.

Rick found himself overwhelmed. ‘I don’t know what to say.’

‘Just say thank you,’ Hershel said as he pushed himself up from the bench. ‘Now if you excuse me, I’m going to check on Beth.’

Hershel went to go, but then he stopped in his tracks. ‘Rick?’

‘Yeah,’ Rick turned to face the man, still caught up in his good fortune. _Or bad, if Randall and his group are going to come here._ He knew Shane was supposedly questioning Randall right now about the group, but he now knew the quest to find out about his group had grown more urgent than ever.

‘You can all stay,’ Hershel said. ‘But Shane, he has to leave.’

He turned around then and into the house, not waiting to see Rick’s reaction. Hershel had no idea things had changed; Rick doubted Shane even knew. But things had changed to the point Rick would have been happy to have seen the son of a bitch dead.

 _The things that go through my mind._ Rick sighed and rubbed his eyes. He realised he was tired, tired of always skating through one disaster after the other on mighty thin ice.

‘Was it that bad?’ Lori asked as she went to sit down next to him. Carl was still at the pens, playing with the chickens.

‘Actually, I got some good news,’ Rick said, and he told her what that news was. Lori smiled, and Rick could see some tension lift from her shoulders at knowing they were not going to get kicked out. _Some tension though, not all._ Once again, Shane was in his mind rent free.

Judging by Lori’s expression, Rick figured the same flicker of thoughts were going through her mind.

‘We have to do something,’ Lori said quietly so Carl could not overhear. Rick only nodded, having thought about everything he could do to Shane for his act of betrayal and immorality. ‘I don’t feel safe having him around.’

‘Hershel says he doesn’t want Shane,’ Rick said. ‘After what happened with the barn, the whole family hates him. I don’t know about our whole group and what they think about him, but Shane isn’t welcome either way.’

‘Good,’ Lori said. ‘But I don’t know if it will be enough, Rick. He’s killed Otis…’ Her voice cracked and she waved away Rick’s attempts to comfort her. ‘I’m fine, Rick. But Shane’s dangerous, and I don’t trust him not to do anything.’

‘I don’t either,’ Rick said. ‘I’m going to keep an eye on him. But I don’t know if I can hold myself back if he speaks to me, Lori. I just don’t.’ The volume of anger Rick had been experiencing since Lori had told him about the CDC frightened him beyond words, it was the type of anger that would burn and burn until there was nothing but ashes left.

Lori nodded. ‘I know. I’m sorry for having put you in this position in the first place. I know you loved Shane.’

‘Hey,’ Rick gently held Lori’s chin for her to look at him. ‘You have nothing to be sorry about, Lori. I’m sorry for not having seen it sooner.’

Lori started to cry then, and Rick kissed her softly on the lips. They ignored Carl’s mock protests as the boy happened to look around to see his parents smooching, instead only focusing on one another and the predicament they were in.

*

‘Beth.’

Beth turned around to face Maggie, who was looking at her with open disapproval. ‘Give me the knife.’

Beth sighed. She was enfolded in her bed covers in her bedroom that she had shared with Rachel and Susie currently. The twins themselves were out doing only Lord knows what, which Beth had been thankful for.

_They don’t need to see me like this. They can’t see me like this._

‘Beth.’ Maggie’s voice had taken a dangerous turn, and Beth knew that voice all too well. It was Maggie sounding more like their father at his most unpleasant, when one of his children had done something that he had not only disapproved of; that he _strongly_ disapproved of.

‘Here,’ Beth said as she turned around picked up the sharp knife. Maggie had taken her tray of lunch away and had seemingly been quick enough to have noticed the knife hadn’t returned with it. ‘Are you happy?’ Beth asked as she held the knife out.

Maggie snatched the knife away and snapped. ‘No, I’m not happy Beth.’ Maggie quickly put the knife down on Beth’s dressing drawer, next to her many racks of CD’s and ornaments. The most precious item on top of there was her music box that had a small ballerina play when opened, a gift from her mother on her fifteenth birthday.

 _And her last._ Beth felt like she could have drowned in her own tears, but she had cried enough for there to only be emptiness where her heart had been.

‘Why are you doing this to us?’ Maggie asked. She looked and sounded tearful now, but Beth only looked at her. ‘You’re being selfish.’

‘How am I being selfish?’ Beth asked. She sounded calm to her own ears, although even she didn’t know how she was capable of being a calm. _Because I’ve made my decision, and I know I haven’t got much time left._ ‘It’s selfish for you to try and keep me here when I don’t want to be here.’

Maggie shook her head violently. ‘Really? That’s how you are going to play this? You don’t think it’s selfish to leave your daddy heartbroken all over again, when he’s already dealing with so much? How about me? Lacey? Arnold? Billy? The twins? You think we aren’t already going through enough without you putting us through more pain. What would your mother think?’

All calm left Beth without a trace at the mention of her mom. _She doesn’t dare!_ ‘You wouldn’t know what my mother would have thought!’ Beth shouted now. She thought she had no tears left, but she had been wrong. The thought of her mother was enough to get her going. ‘You hated her, you never gave her a chance!’

‘That has nothing to do with this!’ Maggie shouted back. ‘You’re being a fucking brat! And she would have been ashamed, because I know she raised none of you to be a coward which is what you are being.’

‘Stop it!’ Beth screamed, and just then the door opened. Their father was at the doorstep, eyes alert with concern.

Beth couldn’t have been more embarrassed if she tried. She wanted nothing more than the floor to swallow her up, and she felt her cheeks heat with red. _Why can’t they just leave me in peace to do what I want?_

‘What is going on here!?’ Hershel demanded, his voice like thunder. But Beth knew that his voice lacked the conviction it usually held, and she turned away so she could not see him. _Because Maggie is right in a way. Dad is already hurting._

‘Beth wants to kill herself,’ Maggie’s voice was shaky now, on the verge of a breakdown. ‘She grabbed a knife and she had it in the bed with her.’

There was a silence that followed after Maggie’s statement, as loud as any screaming match between any dynamic of the Greene siblings. Beth rubbed her eyes, furious all over that it had come down to this. _Just leave me alone, please._

‘Why?’ Hershel sounded hurt, and that was the worst of it all for Beth. He had never sounded so small or in pain, her strong daddy who would work from the early hours of dawn to the late hours of evening to tend to the farm.

Beth did not answer, instead focusing on the wall. Hanging up in photo frames were the memories collected over the years, of all their family in different holidays, weddings, birthdays and general celebrations. They were meant to represent happy memories, and they once did.

Now all they held was a time already long forgotten, and two of the members were never going to come back. Not like she had been promised. _All we’ve got is memories now._

‘Why, Beth?’ Hershel insisted. Beth felt her bed sink down slightly as Hershel sat down, and she flinched slightly as Hershel touched her shoulder.

Beth found she couldn’t look at her dad as she spoke. ‘Because I can’t take it anymore,’ her voice sounded dull now. She had lost the spark she held as she had argued with Maggie. ‘We’re all going to die and end up like those things, just like Mom and Shawn.’

She heard Hershel sigh, but he kept rubbing her shoulder. Maggie moved over so she was in Beth’s position, and she turned her head away. This left her with no other option but to look at her dad, and she wondered if Maggie had known what she was doing.

‘Beth, listen to me,’ Hershel told her. His voice was quiet, but his every word commanded attention. That had always been the way of it. ‘I know it’s hard, we all know it’s hard. I failed you all when I started drinking again and ran away. We all have our moments of weakness, that is what the bible teaches us. But we have to remain-‘

Beth tuned Hershel out then, not interested in what moral message he was about to take from the bible. _I’ve read and heard it all before, dad. It has nothing to do with what you think it has._

The room seemed a lot clearer to her now. Before she had felt like she was in a haze, drifting through fog of pain and hurtful memories. Now she was in perfect clarity. She wished she had her knife with her.

‘Bethie, are you even listening?’ Hershel asked.

It was not Hershel who broke her out of her thoughts, but Lacey. ‘She isn’t, dad. Because this isn’t what she wants to hear.’ Lacey strode through the room as if it was her house alone, her bedroom. That was always Lacey’s way.

‘Lacey, Beth isn-‘

‘Dad!’ Lacey snapped. Her stance softened almost immediately. ‘Dad, can you just leave me and Beth alone? Please? You too, Maggie.’

Hershel looked like he would protest, and Beth found herself nearly laughing. _Only Lacey could talk our dad down. She’s the most like him._ She wondered if she had started laughing if it wouldn’t have turned into full blown hysteria.

Maggie however agreed with Lacey and was gently urging Hershel out of the room now. ‘C’mon, dad. Lacey’s got it.’

As the pair left and closed the room, Beth averted her eyes from Lacey again and once again focused on memories that no longer held any happiness for her.

‘You’re scared, aren’t you?’

Beth blinked, having expected a much more aggressive stance from Lacey than Maggie’s had been. She turned around to look at Lacey, who now sat where Hershel had been sitting. She did not dignify her with a response, however. _What has being scared got to do anything?_

‘It’s okay,’ Lacey started. ‘You don’t have to say anything. Because I know you Beth, and you’re scared. And the reason I know you’re scared is because I’m scared too.’

‘I’m not scared!’ Beth snapped. ‘I don’t want to keep living anymore, Lacey! Why is that so hard to understand? Mom and Shawn are dead, and it will only be a matter of time before we are all dead too.’

‘That’s why,’ Lacey said softly. Her voice did not hold her usual arrogance she usually held if she figured she had won something over somebody else. ‘You’re frightened of the dead, and terrified of getting killed by them. Because we all know now that they aren’t sick.’ Lacey wiped away her tears now. ‘We know Shawn and your mom died when they were attacked.’

‘Stop it!’ Beth covered her ears and got up from the bed. Lacey sat where she was as Beth paced to the corner of the room. ‘Just stop bleating on, will you?’

‘No,’ Lacey responded. ‘I won’t Beth because you don’t want to kill yourself. You’re just in grief, you’re mourning. You’ve never had to deal with death before, not like me, Maggie and Arnold had to. This is what this is, Beth.’

Beth shook her head. ‘It’s not.’ She felt like she was on the verge of a panic attack. _It’s hot in here, or is it just me?_ ‘I might be scared of the dead, but that doesn’t mean I want to kill myself for that reason. I want to be with my mom again and have her sing to me and brush my hair.’

Lacey got up from her bed and she slowly walked over to her sister. ‘That’s what I want too, Beth,’ Lacey said softly. ‘More than anything in the world.’

‘Won’t it be better?’ Beth asked. She could hear the desperate edge in her voice, and one moment of rare insight to her life made her think she sounded far too young to have a voice like this. ‘I want out of this, Lacey. I don’t want to be torn apart and eaten. Arnold and Dad can’t protect us forever, not against a whole world of those things. Please, let me have this.’

Lacey shook her head. ‘That’s not going to happen, Beth. I won’t let it. And dad is going to allow the group to stay, you’ll be protected.’

Beth felt the first of her barriers suffer a crack. ‘But people will die. Otis did, and that little girl.’

‘People have always died,’ Lacey told her quietly. She hugged Beth then, and ignored her frantic attempts to escape from the tight hug. ‘I’ve known that since I was a little girl. But people eventually move on Beth, believe me. I did with my mom. I loved your mom Beth, she helped me with so many things.’

All of her barriers came crashing down now, and Beth found herself sobbing in Lacey’s touch.

‘It’s just so hard,’ Beth cried. _Why does this have to happen to us?_

‘I know, I know,’ Lacey murmured into her hair.

*

‘She’s going to be okay,’ Lacey said as she entered the sitting room.

Hershel breathed a sigh of relief, and Maggie leaned in for Glenn for comfort. Arnold only nodded, and Patricia felt like singing herself. _Another crisis averted, my goodness._ ‘I’ll go and see her,’ Patricia said. Before she could take a step, Hershel protested.

‘No, I’m sorry Pat. I want a word with her alone,’ Hershel said. Patricia had never felt him looked so old, and daggers cut into her heart at the thought. _This whole family needs a break, they really do._

‘Okay, no problem,’ Patricia nodded. ‘You want me to go and get the twins now?’

Hershel nodded. ‘Please, if you don’t mind.’

‘Of course not,’ Patricia shot him a smile before going to leave the house and going towards the direction of the camp. Rachel and Susie were currently being babysat by Dale to keep them away from Beth and the situation developing in both the barn and the Greene house. Glenn had offered to do so, but Maggie had asked for him to stay and support her.

_We can’t keep on going like this. We really can’t, I don’t think we’ll survive._

‘Hey, Patricia!’ Rachel cried out as she saw Patricia approaching. Susie turned around and shouted her own greetings. Patricia noticed with amusement that Dale seemed gladder than the girls were to see her.

‘Hey, girls. You have fun here?’

Susie nodded enthusiastically, but Rachel was always quick to be truthful. _This one is going to grow up to be another Lacey no doubt._ ‘Not really. It’s kinda boring here.’

Dale laughed, a hearty laugh that took Patricia aback. _Well, he certainly doesn’t get offended._ ‘I don’t blame you kiddo. The only interesting thing about this convoy is my old RV, and I don’t think I had anything besides chess to entertain you two with.’

‘Chess is boring,’ Rachel pointed out dryly, and Susie was quick to agree.

‘Yeah, maybe to some,’ Dale shrugged his shoulders. He looked at Patricia. ‘You taking them home?’

Patricia hesitated as she looked around the camp. She could see Andrea in the distance, sitting on a chair and sharpening her knife. But there was no sign of Morales or his kids, and after the other night Patricia hadn’t had a chance to speak to any of the three of them.

_Now that right there is another family hurting. And I thought I’ve had it bad with Otis._

‘Actually, do you mind taking them home?’ Patricia asked. ‘I would like to talk to Morales; if he is here somewhere?’ She made a point of looking around the camp, as if she would magically manifest him into existence there and then.

‘He’s here,’ Dale said. ‘He’s in his tent right now. I wanted him to take Louis and Eliza out here with the twins, but he wasn’t having it.’

‘Thanks, Dale,’ Patricia shot him a grateful smile and watched as he led the chattering twins away, before going over to Morales’ tent. As she approached the tent, she could hear voices.

‘Please, just talk to me.’

Patricia coughed politely to alert the family of her presence, and Morales was almost out of the tent and standing on his two feet in seconds. ‘Patricia, what brings you here?’

Patricia was concerned almost instantly by the bags under Morales’ eyes. She doubted that he had slept a wink since his row with Louis. _Yeah, he is going to need help with this._ ‘I wanted to see how the kids were doing.’

Morales chuckled slightly and rubbed his hair, but it was a façade and Morales knew Patricia saw through it. ‘Yeah, they’re doing fine.’

Patricia only folded her arms and waited for the truth. Sighing, Morales looked down at his feet. ‘It’s not good, Pat. Louis isn’t talking to me and neither will Eliza. I forbade them from playing with the twins, but I can’t get through to them.’ Patricia could see the tears starting to glisten. ‘I really can’t.’

 _Shit. It’s worse than I thought._ ‘C’mon, Morales,’ Patricia said softly. ‘Let me help you get through to them. Those kids have been through a lot, we all have. We will help each other.’

Morales shot her a grateful smile. ‘Thank you.’

Patricia followed Morales into the spacious tent, although it was not so spacious with now four people inside. Louis was sitting and staring at the corner, while Eliza shot up and ran up to Patricia and hugged her.

‘I’m glad you’re here,’ Eliza whispered to Patricia. Or, Eliza’s version of a whisper. Patricia grimaced inwardly at the thought of what Morales must have been thinking at his daughter’s words, but she pushed the thought aside and hugged the girl back.

‘I’m glad I’m here too,’ Patricia said. ‘It’s great to see you, miss. And how about you, Louis. How are you doing?’

Louis still looked at the corner, but he did answer her. ‘I’m fine.’

Patricia turned to share a glance at Morales, who shook his head sadly. _God, I have no idea what I’m doing._ But Patricia knew that was a false thought to have. She had been here before when Maggie was dealing with Annette’s presence in a bad way, this was similar enough that she might be able to ride the wave and fix things.

_I hope._

‘Kids, I’m going to ask your dad to step outside so we can have a private chat. Is that okay with you all?’ The kids both nodded, but the question was more directed at their father because without his permission, it wouldn’t have been able to go ahead. Morales seemed to hesitate, but he nodded and left the tent.

‘Okay,’ Patricia said. ‘Come scoot over Louis, I’m going to tell you all something.’ She sat down and waited for Louis and Eliza to sit by her side.

‘I know what you went through with your dad was scary,’ Patricia said. ‘I don’t blame you for being scared. Truth be told, I wanted to kick his ass for scaring y’ll so much.’ Eliza let out a shock giggle, and Louis grinned despite him. _Good, this is a good start._

‘And your dad is very sorry for what scaring you,’ Patricia continued. ‘You are probably still afraid of him for scaring you which is why you won’t talk to him, and I understand that completely. Why should you have to put up with that? No child should.’ Eliza nodded at her words, but Louis shook his head. ‘I’m not.’

‘Not what, Louis?’ Patricia asked him.

Louis looked at her with an intensity that took Patricia aback. ‘I’m not scared of him. I’m mad at him. I don’t know why he had to yell at me like that, just because I’m not a crybaby like him.’

Patricia was stunned. ‘It’s not about being a crybaby, Louis. Believe me. Your dad is just upset about your mom very much. It’s a hard thing, going through what you are all going through. I seen it before years ago with another family. I just want you to try and see that your dad isn’t trying to make you cry, he just wants to know you are okay.’

Louis seemed unconvinced, so it shocked Patricia when he nodded and said, ‘okay.’

Patricia felt lighter than a feather at his words and annoyed at herself for being unnerved by a little boy who was in mourning. ‘Are you sure, Louis? It’s okay if you are still mad at him, even though I think you all would feel so much better if you could find it in your heart to apologise to him.’

Louis nodded. ‘I’m sure.’

‘And how about you, Eliza? Will you be okay to be around your dad?’

Eliza nodded. ‘I guess,’ she looked hesitantly at Louis. ‘I’m just so sad.’

‘Oh, darling,’ Patricia hugged her, and she motioned for Louis to join in the hug. He did, and Patricia remembered her lost dreams of having children with Otis. Dreams that never came to pass. _Oh love, the Greene’s were wonderful to watch over. But I wish we had one of our own._

Morales coughed slightly, and Patricia looked up to see him peaking through the tent. ‘Is it okay if I come in now?’

‘Dad,’ Eliza quickly let go from Patricia and all but bounced to her father, letting herself be wrapped up in a tight hug. Patricia turned to see Louis, who still looked at his father with uncertainly.

‘Go on,’ Patricia whispered to him. Louis looked at her before running after Eliza and joining in the hug.

‘I’m so sorry, guys. So sorry,’ Morales was murmuring to the pair of them. Eliza started to cry, but Louis remained silent. It was a start however, more progress than what had been happening before Patricia had come along in the first place.

Morales happened to catch her eye, and he mouthed, ‘thank you.’

Patricia nodded, heart aching at the children she never had.

*

Andrea was so caught up in sharpening her knife that she almost missed Carol passing by her. ‘Carol, hey.’

Carol turned around to see her. Andrea noted that before Sophia, her entire face would have had a ‘dear in the headlights’ expression if she had been caught out in the way she had been. Now she looked at her with something that Andrea couldn’t quite put her finger towards.

_She’s been through a lot. I wouldn’t blame her if she just snaps._

‘What is it?’ Carol asked. Her voice had a touch of frost, something Andrea found understandable. Again, she hadn’t outlived her daughter. She had no idea what Carol was going through, and she wasn’t going to pretend otherwise.

‘I just wanted to say I’m sorry for your loss,’ Andrea said. ‘I should have said something to you sooner, but I got so caught up with this Randall mess. I’m sorry about that.’

Carol seemed to study her, before her body posture relaxed a little. ‘It’s okay,’ she said quietly. ‘You’ve had a lot on your plate, too.’ Andrea shook her head. _I must not think of that. I can’t think about it._ ‘Nothing compared to you,’ is what she offered in response.

Carol folded her arms and shivered as if she were cold, although the weather was pleasant. It wouldn’t last, however. Andrea knew that winter was due to fall soon.

_I should have kept up with that damn calendar. But I guess with Amy I just lost track._

‘Do you know what is happening with him?’ Carol asked. ‘Randall, I mean.’

‘Couldn’t tell you,’ Andrea said. ‘All I know is that Shane is interrogating him right now. Rick talked to him this morning, and I think Theodore is going to try and talk to him later.’

Carol frowned then. ‘Where is Theodore?’

Andrea shrugged. ‘I couldn’t tell you, Carol. But if I see him I’ll let you know you were asking for him.’

‘Oh, no,’ Carol shook her head slightly. ‘I was just wondering where he was, I don’t really need him for anything right now.’ She bit her lip, and Andrea looked at her curiously. She had stopped sharpening her knife. ‘Can I ask you something?’

‘Anytime.’

Carol went over and sat on the chair next to Andrea. ‘Did you, and I’m sorry if this is out of order. Just tell me if it is and I’ll just stop talking.’ Andrea nodded for her to go on, so she did. ‘But did you ever find solace in prayer, after Amy died?’

Andrea found herself closing her eyes. Even now, the mention of Amy was a painful one. _But Carol is going through a loss too. The best thing you could do from your own grief is pass on what you’ve learned to help others._

Before Carol could apologise for seemingly offending her, Andrea spoke up. ‘I didn’t, no.’ She looked at the Greene house in the distance, but she was picturing the grave that they had buried Amy in. ‘I never really thought about praying at all actually. I’ve always been an atheist.’ She looked at Carol then, who seemed lost in a way she had never seen before. ‘Was that the answer you were looking for?’

Carol frowned, obviously trying to put words into what she wanted to say. ‘I don’t know,’ she finally said. ‘All I know is that prayer has usually helped me. But this time I don’t feel anything at all, Andrea. I feel like I’ve prayed too much over the years and nothing has come out of it. And when I needed help most of all, I never got any help from God. Me nor Sophia.’

Silence followed her statement, and Andrea pondered on what Carol had just said. Finally, she said, ‘I think that’s normal, Carol. I don’t know what I would be like in your shoes, but my life felt meaningless after Amy died. I had no direction or purpose. I just wanted gone from this world. If it weren’t for Dale, I would have died back at that CDC.’

She sighed. _And I wouldn’t have taken out that kid the other day if I had._ Shaking her thoughts away, Andrea continued. ‘And I was angry at him for so long for that,’ her voice turned quiet. ‘And I was in the wrong for that, because he ended up being right. I thought I had nothing to live for, but I’ve found I will still do anything to survive. I’ve taken to shooting pretty much straight away, and I’ve fought against walkers tooth and nail just to stay alive. Some part of me still wants to keep living, and I don’t know why. But I see things better now, I no longer want to keep being in that dark place all the time.’

She sighed and put her knife on the table. ‘Sorry for the lifetime drama.’

Carol smiled thinly. ‘It’s okay. I think it’s beautiful, how you’ve put that. And I think it’ll help me, I hope.’

Andrea reached out and patted Carol on the shoulder. ‘I hope so too.’

She smiled at the women before her, and she hoped that her own life lesson would apply in removing the stain of a memory that was her making her first kill the other day.

*

‘Is it alright for these two to go back in now?’ Dale asked Maggie. Her and Glenn were currently sitting on the faded coloured bench on the house perch.

‘Sure thing, they didn’t give you any trouble, did they?’ Maggie asked as she got up from the bench. Almost at once Rachel and Susie shook their heads in unison. ‘Of course not,’ Dale said with a smile. ‘They were wonderful.’

Maggie nodded. ‘That’s good. Come here, girls.’ The girls followed Maggie into the house, leaving Dale and Glenn behind.

Glenn sat on the bench, but he motioned Dale to sit next to him. ‘Come and relax a little, why don’t you?’

‘No can do, kiddo,’ Dale said. He looked at the young man before him, alight with happiness in the only way a young man in new love can be. _I’m happy for him._ Dale felt a lump in his throat for reasons he did not know. A sense of quiet settled over him then.

‘Why not?’ Glenn raised his eyebrows. ‘I need to talk to you about something.’

Dale sighed before he sat down next to Glenn. ‘Okay, but only for a moment. And you need to help me get off this bench once you’re done. My bones aren’t the way they used to be.’

‘I promise,’ Glenn crossed his heart and hoped to die, an antic that Dale found was childishly familiar from the young man before the camp attack happened. _Yeah, this one is going to be okay alright. And so is Andrea._

He looked over where their convoy of vehicles were, and saw Andrea chattering away to Carol. Both women were sitting down. He knew she had taken what happened at the town hard, although he didn’t want to push it. He knew she wouldn’t appreciate it after their falling out. He would wait until she was ready.

Once again, he felt that seem eerie of quiet take hold of his sense of being.

_What is wrong with me? I’m a foolish old man, I’ve always know that._

‘I just wanted to say thank you,’ Glenn said now. He did not seem to realise the emotions raging in Dale right now. ‘For what you told me the other day, I mean. I really needed to hear it from you.’

Dale blinked, wondering what the young man was on about before he remembered. ‘No worries about it, Glenn,’ Dale told him. ‘I didn’t like seeing you in such a way. You shouldn’t have Amy’s death hang over you like that, or anybody else for that matter. It’s just not healthy.’

‘I know,’ Glenn replied, and he looked out at the field to where Andrea and Carol were. ‘If it weren’t for you, I don’t know if I would have been able to get with Maggie.’

Dale smiled. ‘I’m positive you two would have ended up together with or without my help. She seems absolutely smitten with you.’

Glenn blushed slightly, but it was not as red as it used to have been. _Definitely a change in him. I’m so glad._ ‘Yeah, well. I don’t want to rush things with her. Not with what her family are going through right now.’

‘That’s smart,’ Dale agreed. ‘But one thing I’ve learned throughout my whole life Glenn is that life can change at any moment. You might try to steer it in one direction one second, and in the next you end up completely off course. It’s just the way things are. And one piece of advice I can give you Glenn is just let it. Don’t try to fight it. Lord knows me and Irma tried everything we could to prevent her cancer from spreading, but in the ending she knew before me that it wasn’t worth it. I couldn’t understand why she gave up fighting at the end, but now I do.’

Dale felt himself starting to cry then, and he wiped his tears. Glenn looked up in concern. ‘Are you okay, Dale?’

Dale chuckled. He felt far from okay, but he appreciated the concern all the same. ‘I’m fine,’ Dale answered. ‘I’ve just never felt my age as much as I have in this moment. I don’t know, I think you’ll be the same when you’re my age one day.’

Glenn nodded, although his eyes still shone with concern. ‘Well, alright. Are you wanting to come in, maybe have a glass of water or something?’

Dale shook his head. ‘No, I better get up for a walk. Just try to get myself together, you know,’ he winked at Glenn. He got up and ushered Glenn to stay where he was when he saw him getting up. ‘No, son. It’s okay. Just let me go myself. I need this.’

‘Are you sure?’ Glenn’s voice rang with concern. Dale nodded. ‘I’m sure. Wait there for your girlfriend.’

Dale went to walk away from the house, but he stopped. _Should I?_ Turning around to see Glenn who was still very much looking at him as if he were a fragile ornament waiting to break, Dale spoke. ‘You’re going to be fine, Glenn. I’m happy you’ve found love.’

He walked away before he could hear Glenn’s reply, drifting away in the day like leaves in the wind. Dale passed the convoy and risked a glance at Andrea and Carol. The pair of them were laughing and chattering away, and Andrea happened to look up and spot him.

It warmed Dale’s heart to see Andrea look as happy as she did, timeless in that frozen moment that he would play over and over again in his head. _Yeah, she is going to be okay._ He gave her a nod, and she gave him a nod back before turning around to face Carol.

As for Carol, he felt the shame inside him then. It was a similar feeling to the eerie quiet he had been feeling, as if he were just a lonely old man alone in the middle of nowhere. _I caused her so much pain in doing what I did. I need to make it right._

Promising himself that much, Dale found himself walking to the barn in which he knew that Shane was currently inside.

*

Randall was a bloody mess. His hands weren’t much better.

Shane looked at his hands in front of him, as if truly seeing them for the first time. They were coated in shades of red, dried and fresh. _He asked for it. He shouldn’t have done what he did._

Shaking away his thoughts, Shane removed his hands from his vision and looked at the boy before him. He could hear him breathing, faint as it were. That was good, but it didn’t do him much good in the long run.

Randall was close to dying. Shane knew it, and Randall knew it too.

‘Randy,’ Shane muttered. ‘You hear me?’

A small groan escaped from Randall’s mouth, although Shane didn’t know if it was in response to his question or just the unimaginable pain that he was currently in. Shane found that he didn’t care either way, just so long as he could have an audience to his confession.

‘I’m sorry,’ Shane said. He looked at the boy under his shadow and felt anything but sorry. ‘I didn’t mean to go as far as I did.’ He chuckled, and for the first time he heard how unpleasant his laugh really sounded. It grated on his ears like fingers down a chalkboard. _Have I always sounded like this? How the fuck could Rick put up with me?_

The bright red haze that prevented him from balking at the idea of torturing Randall disappeared at the mention of Rick. For a moment Shane saw in perfect clarity. _Fuck, what am I doing this for?_ He slapped himself once, twice and three times before the red haze came back. _I can’t stop. I won’t stop._

He leaned down and grabbed Randall. Blood drippled out of his mouth, as if he were a toddler eating and making a mess of himself. ‘Need a bip,’ Shane snorted. ‘Too grown for that shit, Randy.’ Randall continued to drool, and to his credit it wasn’t the only part of his body where he was leaking blood. The top of his fingers where his nails had been were a particular horrendous shade of brown and red.

‘Oh, what am I to do with you,’ Shane muttered. He thought of Lori then, and how she might have felt seeing his handywork. _She would be disgusted, but this needed to happen. Can’t have this son of a bitch bringing his friends over here and risking her life and Carl’s life. Our baby’s life._ Just the thought was enough to make him rage all over again, and the red haze continued to stay.

‘K…’ Randall groaned. Shane held his ear out, knowing the young man was attempting to speak through broken teeth.

‘What’s that, boy?’

‘Kill me,’ Randall got out. He looked at Shane, and the one eye he had that wasn’t tight shut from the punches Shane delivered looked at him with a bleakness Shane had never seen before. There was no hope there, no life.

The lights were on, but nobody was home.

Remembering a conversation he had held with Rick long ago, before the start of this nightmare that they were all in, Shane fought the urge to laugh at the twisted sense of irony. _I need to get a grip. Find a way to cover this up._

Shane heard a creak, and he whipped his head around in alarm to see Dale step through. Dale’s eyes widened almost comically at the sight he laid witnessed to, but there was nothing funny about the situation he had walked in on.

‘Shane,’ Dale all but breathed out. He took a step forward but froze as Shane got up. ‘What have you done?’

Shane fought the urge of panic that threatened to take over him. _Get a grip, Shane. You can walk out of this. Make him understand._ ‘I did what I had to do,’ he replied. His voice sounded lifeless, an audio representation of what Randall must have been feeling.

Dale was shaking his head, although Shane doubted he was doing it on purpose. ‘This isn’t right,’ Dale said quietly. ‘It just isn’t. Look what’ve you done to him!’ His voice was high with fear and disgust, a sharp contrast to the low in Shane’s voice.

‘I needed to find answers,’ Shane continued. ‘I had to find out answers. That group of his, they’re a threat to us Dale. In a way we haven’t faced before.’ Dale reached out for his chest, a move that made Shane tense. The old man seemed to only be bracing himself however, as if he expected to be hit by a heart attack at any second. ‘Shane,’ Dale started to speak but he faltered. He was speechless.

‘You understand, don’t you?’ Shane asked. For the first time, his voice took on a pleading note. ‘You have to. You came to me about the barn, you know that shit ain’t right. And I know Rick. He wouldn’t have had the stomach for this. I had to do it for him, for her. For the whole group.’

‘Her?’ Dale quizzed. He wasn’t looking at Shane now, only at Randall. His breathing was becoming fainter by the second. _Any moment now and he is going to be gone._

‘Lori,’ Shane said. Dale looked at him now and understanding seemed to shine there in his eyes. Shane reached out and grabbed onto it with all his might. The red haze started to drift away a little, it was going to be okay. _Just like it was with Otis. You had to do that, and you have to do this. People will understand._

‘I don’t think Lori would want this,’ Dale said. ‘Nobody is going to want this, Shane. What you’ve done,’ Dale shook his head. ‘I don’t even know where to start.’ The old man turned around and vomited.

Shane felt that small handle of hope he had grabbed onto disappear in a flash. The red haze consumed him now, and his voice returned back to stone cold as he said, ‘what are you going to do?’

Dale wiped his mouth. He looked at Shane. ‘I think I’m going to go back,’ he told Shane slowly, as if debating every single word he was going to use before use. ‘I need to tell Rick and Theodore what’s happened here.’

Shane tensed. ‘Really?’ He asked, almost as if he was chatting away about the weather. ‘And what has happened here, Dale?’

Dale looked at him. His face was chalk white. _He’s terrified of me. Good._ ‘You’ve tortured and killed an innocent man.’

Shane scoffed. ‘Innocent? That fucker tried to pop one on your girl, old man. And he’s still breathing, as far as I can tell.’ He tapped Randall lightly with his boot, but Randall didn’t respond in pain or even faint breathing anymore. He had passed away now, blood no longer pumping to support him. ‘Well, he’s not breathing anymore.’

_I need to stop him talking. He needs to see it my way, he has to!_

Shane saw Dale back away slightly. ‘I was right in telling Andrea to stay away from you,’ he said quietly. ‘I knew there was something wrong with you.’

The barn was all red mist now.

Dale went to move out of the barn, but Shane was quicker. Grabbing the back of his shirt, Shane pulled him around and flung him to the other side of the barn. It just so happened that Randall’s body was in the way, and the old man tripped.

Shane watched in fascination as time seemed to slow, as if to show every detail of Dale falling for his viewing pleasure. Dale’s chin hit the side of the table where the pliers had been with a _thud_ , and his neck twisted in an unnatural way as he tried to brace himself on the table but fell instead and hit the floor.

There were two bodies on the ground now, and Shane stood looking at Dale.

The red mist disappeared for clarity to return, and Shane felt that panic he had been feeling before bubble to the surface.

‘I’m sorry,’ he said, and this time he knew he meant. ‘I’m so sorry.’

In the distance, a bird sang.

*

‘Hey, Rick.’

Rick turned around to see Theodore approaching. ‘What is it, man?’

He had just been on a walk with Carl, making careful routes so that he wouldn’t lead him anywhere near the barn. Shane had been there for a while, and his shift was just about up judging by the time. He didn’t want to chance having to see the man, or have Carl hear anything about what Randall might have to say.

Theodore indicated Carl, so Rick turned to face his boy. ‘Go in, son. Your mom is inside waiting for you.’ Carl groaned in good nature, but he waved hello at Theodore before running into the house.

‘What is it?’ Rick asked.

‘I just wanted to let you know I’m going to take over from Shane,’ Theodore said. ‘What are you wanting me to find out from him?’

‘Just anything you can,’ Rick replied. ‘Anything helps, Theodore. I don’t think any of us can rest easy until we know for sure if his group will return back for him or not.’

Theodore nodded. ‘I figured as much. But,’ and this is when he hesitated. ‘How are you wanting me to get that information from him?’

Rick blinked. ‘What do you mean?’

Theodore looked at him, and Rick knew what he was thinking. _Is this cop playing dumb or what?_ Truth was, Rick was playing dumb.

‘No,’ Rick said when Theodore didn’t say anything. Theodore kept looking at him, so Rick repeated himself. ‘I don’t want any of us torturing him, Theodore. Who knows if his group will come here or not, but if they do we can’t have him harmed in any way.’

Theodore took in his words before saying, ‘but what if it’s the only way we can get him to talk?’

‘It won’t be,’ Rick replied. ‘It can’t be. Theodore, listen to me. We can’t go down that route. Would we be any better than those fuckers that tried to shoot us in the first place? The Dixon brothers? Or that group who shot up the nursing home, whoever they were.’

Theodore hesitated. ‘I don’t know man. And you had no complaints when we threatened that dude in Atlanta when they had Glenn.’

‘That was different and you know that,’ Rick protested. ‘We scared him, yeah. But we didn’t lay a finger on him. We threatened him with bullshit and he bought it. He was dumb enough to fall for it. If you can do that with Randall, that would be great. But nobody is going to lay a finger on him, not if I have a say on it.’

‘What about Shane?’ Theodore asked. ‘You tell him that?’

Rick closed his eyes, feeling his anger beginning to stir. _Fucking Shane._ ‘I haven’t told him, no. I don’t think he would be stupid enough to do anything like that. We need him either way in case this group comes back for him, they might leave us alone if we do have him in perfect condition.’

Theodore shrugged his shoulders. ‘You can play it that way, Rick. But there was a reason you shot those arseholes in the bar, from what you told us. You knew there was something not right about them. And if they find this place, I don’t think they would be willing to just wait for us to hand over some nobody they abandoned in the first place.’

Before Rick could think of a response, the sound of his own name being shouted in the first place distracted him. ‘Rick!’

Rick turned to see Shane approaching. His face was a bloody picture, and the stare he held took Rick aback. _What the fuck happened!?_ The sheer absurdness of the sight of the man before Rick was almost enough to make Rick forget about what Lori had told him the day before.

Almost. The anger Rick felt reared its head, not just under the surface anymore. ‘What the fuck now?’ Rick muttered as he went to approach Shane. He ignored Theodore’s questioning look, not willing to answer questions he wasn’t ready to face.

‘What happened?!’ Rick shouted back. ‘Where’s Randall?’

Shane shook his head. He had the wild look of a man on the run, and it set Rick on edge. ‘Son of a bitch got the jump on me! I,’ he faltered and looked down at the grass, looking for something whether real or imaginary to catch himself. ‘I woke up. Dale’s dead.’ He choked at the last sentence.

Rick felt his world tilt. _Dale’s dead. What? I only saw him this morning._

‘He’s dead?’ Theodore asked. ‘What the fuck you mean he’s dead?’

Shane shook his head. ‘I woke up and saw him. He must have walked in just as Randall knocked me out, he wasn’t in the barn when I was awake. Randy must have killed him when he tried to escape.’ Shane took a shaky breath. ‘I know I should have done something about him, man. This is my fault.’

Rick took in Shane as he was. Bleeding from the nose, voice all shaky and very much a man in distress. _Something’s not right here._

He thought of Shane back on the night of Carl getting shot, returning from the school without Otis in tow. He had been as much in shock over that as he was in now. And Lori had told him about what he had really done, as opposed to the story he told.

And there was the night of the CDC. _Every day and night since he has called me brother, when he knows he tried to rape my wife._

Rick narrowed his eyes, and found his voice cold as he said, ‘we need to find Randall, then.’ Shane only nodded and said, ‘that’s what I was going to say, man. We can’t let him go.’

‘Damn right we can’t,’ Theodore said. ‘But we need to tell the group. About Randall, and Dale,’ his voice dropped then and he took a look at the barn. ‘You sure he is dead, Shane?’

Shane nodded. ‘His neck’s all snapped. Son of a bitch must have snapped it.’

Theodore sighed. ‘This isn’t going to be easy, telling everybody about this I mean. Not so soon after Sophia and the rest, man.’

‘It isn’t,’ Rick agreed. He thought of Dale, and felt a stab of guilt over the last conversation they had. _I was such a cunt to him. He was only doing what he thought was for the safety of everybody._ Looking at Shane now, Rick wondered if perhaps this had been the trigger that led them down this path.

Shane caught him looking, and Rick wondered judging by the way Shane quickly looked away if perhaps he knew on some level that Rick was suspicious about the whole situation.

_He must. We know each other too well, him and I._

Rick made his decision then. ‘We’ll go in and tell the group what has happened. As far as I know, everybody is inside. Dinner is about due, and night is about to fall. We shouldn’t have too many of our people looking. I don’t want Andrea and Glenn looking, they’ll be driven by grief over this.’

‘Who should come then?’ Theodore asked.

‘We need to make this snappy,’ Shane spoke then. ‘The longer we wait, the more chance that bastard has of getting back to his group and telling on us.’

‘I know that,’ Rick snapped. Even Theodore looked stunned by Rick’s outburst. ‘I think I’ll search with you, Shane. Theodore, you take whoever you like. If it’s Arnold, make sure Hershel gives his permission. We’re getting on good ground with him now, he said this morning that he is going to let us stay. We don’t want to piss that away.’

‘No, we don’t,’ Theodore replied.

‘Right, you stay here Shane,’ Rick said. ‘Me and Theodore will tell the group.’ Shane only nodded, and Rick was glad he cooperated. He did not want to bring the man who had touched his wife and brought her nothing but nightmares into the same room, he would die first.

_This is going to end. One way or another, it ends tonight._

Rick walked into the house with that in mind. He knew he should have been panicking, the urgency of Randall being on the loose and bringing his group back would have been alarming enough. If this was just a plot by Shane to get him alone, Rick knew he should have felt more something more than he did.

Because all he felt was coldness. It was the sense of finality. He swore he would do anything to protect his family, and to his shame the greatest danger to his family was the man he once considered brother.

He had that in mind when he greeted the group. Half of them were in the sitting room, the other half in the dining room. Dinner was currently being served by Patricia.

He sought out Lori, who was putting cutlery down on the table. She happened to catch eyes with him, and the way she frowned made Rick aware that whatever coldness he may feel on the inside, he was transparent to her on the outside.

_She knows something is wrong._

But he turned away from Lori, because it was not Lori who would feel the biggest blow over what was to come. He caught Glenn sitting on the couch with Maggie by his side. They were caught up in their own little world, whispering to one another over something or another.

_He’s going to take this hard._

And if Glenn was going to take it hard, then he couldn’t help but catch out Andrea too. She was conversing with Morales at the moment, hands folded and taking in what he was saying. He thought of their trip at the town, and what it had cost them both just to get out. And seeing Andrea brought him visions of her hanging over her sister’s body, lost in a world of grief and pain that took her a long while for her to crawl out of.

_We’ve both got blood on our hands. Blood of those we’ve killed and those we feel we might as well have._

Rick could see Hershel approaching him now. ‘Rick, what’s wrong?’

The occupants in both rooms ushed, all turning to look at Rick. He felt Theodore by his side, and he appreciated that. For if he faltered, Theodore would be able to take over if need be.

_This needs to end. One way or another._

‘Randall has escaped,’ Rick said. There was a collective shock in the room, gasps and murmurs by everybody. Theodore cleared his throat and the rooms returned to silence. Rick found it necessary to look at both Glenn and Andrea. Whatever else, they deserved to hear the truth from him face to face.

‘And not just that. He attacked and killed Dale. I’m so sorry,’ Rick said. Glenn seemed puzzled for a moment, and Rick thought of the first time they had met. _It feels like years ago._ And then his face started to crumble, the outpour of emotions already at surface level. Maggie immediately touched his shoulder for support.

Andrea caught on quickly. She gasped, then turned around to brace herself against the wall. Before Morales or those near her could offer her support, she punched the wall in anger.

‘I should have killed him,’ she spoke. She was quiet, but her voice was loud in the silence. ‘I should have killed that fucking bastard.’

Carl started to cry, Rick saw. Lori immediately went to their boy and hugged him, and she looked at Rick. What passed between them was unspoken, but they understood one another perfectly. _Shane was at fault for this, somehow in someway he is at fault._

‘What should we do?’ Lacey asked in alarm. ‘What if he brings his group to us?’

‘Me and Theodore are going to go out there and look for him. Shane too,’ Rick answered her.

‘Where was Shane in all of this?’ Hershel asked. His voice was sharp, and Rick suspected he was speaking the same language that he and Lori held between them. _He knows there is more to it._ ‘I thought he was supposed to be watching out for Randall.’

Rick did not trust himself to speak, so he was thankful that Theodore took up for him. ‘He got attacked and was knocked out, he never saw Randall kill Dale,’ Theodore replied. ‘He just woke up and he was gone.’

Hershel nodded. ‘And is it just going to be you three? Night is going to fall pretty soon.’

‘No,’ Rick shook his head. ‘Me and Shane are going as one team, Theodore with another volunteer. I don’t want too many of us going out there in the dark, it’s just as easy somebody gets killed if he is out there.’

‘I’ll go,’ Andrea turned from the wall to face him. She was blazing with rage, Rick saw. And he did not blame her, even if he did not welcome her enthusiasm. _She’ll let herself in danger if she goes out in the state she is in._

Rick shook his head softly. ‘I’m sorry, Andrea. But I can’t let you go, not with the way you are the now.’

‘Fuck that,’ Andrea all but snarled. ‘Of course I am the way I am the now. You’re telling me Dale has just got murdered by this son of a bitch and I’ve just to wait in this house like a maid? I don’t think so. I’m going out there and you can’t stop me.’

Rick found words about to roll off the tip of his tongue, the kind that would have argued with Andrea for her to stay. One look at her and he knew he wouldn’t have gotten his way. So he nodded. ‘You can go with Theodore,’ he said. ‘Just use your head, Andrea. I know how you feel, but don’t let it drive you into danger.’

Andrea only marched past him, not taking in his words. Theodore followed her, although Rick saw him pat Carol on the shoulder before he left the room. Carol happened to look at Rick, and Rick was slightly surprised to see her glare at him.

_Of course. She must blame me for Sophia._

Rick was ashamed to realise he had forgotten all about the little girl the past day, too caught up in what Lori had told him and now the recent set of events. _This needs to end. One way or another, it needs to fucking end. Nobody can keep living like this._

‘Right, I’m going to go too,’ Rick told the group. Glenn got up from the couch and walked out of the sitting room, with Maggie not far behind him. Rick feared he would leave the house, but he walked upstairs instead. Rick turned to face Hershel. ‘Are you okay holding the fort here?’

Hershel nodded. ‘Of course. This is my house, my farm. I’m not going to let anybody come in here.’

‘Good,’ Rick said before he walked out into the hall room. Before his hands reached the door handle, he heard Lori call out to him.

He turned around to be hugged tightly by Lori. She let go of him then, and looked at him with fierceness in her eyes; the same type that Andrea herself had possessed as she went out to find Dale’s killer.

‘Be careful,’ Lori whispered.

‘I will,’ Rick told her.

So many times throughout their marriage, they had similar encounters every time Rick went out to work on the force. Many such encounters had increased since he had reunited with her, and Rick had always swore he would be careful for her and Carl’s sake. He had always meant it even if it never worked out that way.

This time, he knew for certain there was nothing careful about being willingly lured to whatever plot Shane had set up for him.

**Night 76**

‘I can’t stop thinking about it.’

‘What’s that?’ Maggie murmured in his ear. Glenn and Maggie were in Maggie’s former bedroom with Lacey, who still occupied the room herself. The walls were painted pink and multiple teddy bears were here, there and everywhere. Stacked to the brim on shelves were books, most of which belonged to Lacey.

Glenn sighed and turned to face the woman before him. ‘Dale. I knew something was up with him from before, I felt like he was about to tell me something. He just seemed so, I don’t know. Agitated? I’ve never seen him look like that before.’

_Once again it’s all your fault, Glenn. If you had just said something, made him stay…_

‘Stop.’

Glenn looked at Maggie, who was narrowing her eyes. ‘What?’

‘Stop blaming yourself,’ Maggie said. ‘I haven’t known you that long truth be told, but I see that you are. It’s not going to do anybody any favours beating yourself up about it.’

Glenn sighed as he rubbed his eyes. ‘You’re right. Of course you’re right. Dale said the same thing to me not that long ago. It doesn’t solve anything.’

‘It doesn’t,’ Maggie agreed. She held onto his shoulder, and her touch was a beacon in the darkness for him. ‘I didn’t know Dale that well either, but he always seemed kind to me. And I could tell you thought the world of him. He would have thought the same for you too, if he was giving you advice like that.’

‘He was the best,’ Glenn said simply, because there was nothing else he could say. He reached out to touch Maggie himself, and felt the warmness of her skin and took that in as a security blanket. ‘I just miss him so much.’

‘I know,’ Maggie murmured. ‘I know.’

He found his head resting against her shoulder, and they sat there for he didn’t know how long. Only the sun fading away and the moon replacing it in its fat white shine glory was an indicator of the time passing.

‘I hope they kill him,’ Glenn said. _He has to pay for what he did. He has to._

Maggie looked at him. ‘You can’t mean that, Glenn.’

‘I do,’ Glenn insisted as he removed himself from her touch. ‘I really do. What kind of sick fuck kills an old man like that?’ He heard his voice rising and tried his best to keep it down. _I can’t shout at her, it’s not her fault._ ‘I’m just so tired of losing people, Maggie.’

‘Me too,’ Maggie said. ‘But I don’t know if murder is the answer, Glenn.’

Glenn shook his head. ‘It is. You haven’t been out there long enough to know, Maggie. There was this retirement home back in Atlanta. I met some of the nicest people there, it was just old people being looked after by this group. Even after all this, there was some good being done. There was a woman named Holly who helped me, she was really nice.’ He thought of the memories, and a shadow overcast him. _This is getting out of hand. So many people dead._ ‘We found them turned, Maggie. Turned because some bastard attacked the place!’

Maggie let out a small gasp. ‘I’m so sorry.’

Glenn shook his head. ‘Don’t be, it’s not your fault. I thought it was mine, but Dale talked me out of it. And our camp was attacked, and we think it was this bastard that we pissed off who did it too. So many people died, and I kept the blame again. I’m pretty good at that, it seems.’ He let out a bitter chuckle, his throat dry with grief. ‘It’s the same thing over and over again. We keep losing people because of other people. And Randall is still out there, he’s still a threat Maggie. He could hurt other people.’

Maggie bit her lip. ‘Rick and the rest, do you think they’ll kill him if they get their hands on him?’

Glenn nodded viciously. ‘I really hope so.’ _I should be out there with them, why am I up here?_

But he knew why when Maggie reached out and hugged him. ‘I hope so too, then,’ she said. She let go of him to look him in the eye. ‘Not just because of what you say. My dad nearly died at that town because of him and his group. I have no sympathy for him, trust me. I just don’t think I’ll be comfortable killing somebody.’ She let out a weak laugh. ‘I don’t think I’ve even wrapped my head around killing walkers yet.’

Glenn shook his head. ‘You don’t need to if you don’t want to.’

Maggie held back from him. ‘I need to, Glenn. I need to be able to defend myself, and my family.’ There was a certain challenge in her eyes as she said, as if she dared him to object about her wish.

He didn’t. Instead, he said the first thing that came to mind. ‘I love you,’ he told her.

Maggie’s eyes widened, and Glenn expected himself to blush silly. He didn’t, either. All he did was look at her in the eyes, and he said it again. ‘I love you, Maggie. This might be too soon to say it, and I don’t expect you to feel the same. But you’ve made me a lot happier than I was, and I love you for that and I love you for who are you are.’

Maggie nodded, now looking at anywhere other than Glenn. ‘I’m happy to hear it,’ she swallowed. ‘But this might be too soon, Glenn. We’ve only known one another for about a week.’

‘I know,’ Glenn told her sincerely. _Dale and Holly would want me to go for this, so fuck it. I’m going for it._ ‘But if there is anything I’ve learned since this whole shit started is that things change so fast, and with Dale dead,’ it was a challenge acknowledging that fact. _Dale’s dead, and here I am thinking about myself. Way to go, Rhee._ ‘With Dale dead,’ Glenn continued, ‘that couldn’t be clearer. I don’t know if I’ll be around much longer myself, so I’m going to tell you how I feel. Fuck it if it’s not socially acceptable, I don’t care.’

Maggie let out a small laugh. ‘I see that,’ she looked at him, before kissing him on the lips. It was soft as a flower. ‘I like you, Glenn. And you’ve helped me so much with my family,’ she looked down on the floor before looking back up. ‘It would be cowardly of me to run away from you because I’m scared of your feelings. But I need to deal with this, Glenn. On my own time, if that is okay with you.’

Glenn nodded, and he kissed her again. ‘Of course. Take your time.’ He gently unwrapped from her and went over to the window, where through the darkness he could make out the outlines of the barn. He opened the window to let the air in.

 _They were in a rush to tell us about Randall escaping. Does that mean Dale is still in there?_ The thought was enough to make him sick, and the short burst of happiness he experienced to escape from his grief evaporated in moments to be replaced by the ever consuming darkness.

‘What are you thinking?’ Maggie asked.

Glenn sighed, and turned to look at her. ‘Do you think Dale is still in there?’

Maggie pondered on his words, before slowly nodding. ‘I don’t think they would have had time to bury him or cover him.’

‘Me neither,’ Glenn shook his head before turning to face the barn. _Damn it, he deserves better than this._ ‘I can’t stand thinking of him lying there, for all the flies to swarm all over him. It’s not right.’

Maggie walked up to the window. ‘We could sneak out,’ she said, her eyes on the barn. ‘It’s easy to climb down from here. Just sneak to the barn and cover him with a blanket or something, then head back like it was nothing. They wouldn’t let us get out the front, my dad certainly won’t.’

Glenn felt touched at her offer, but all the time he shook his head. ‘It’s too dangerous, Maggie. Randall’s out there, he could sneak up on us.’ He sighed. ‘I know I said I wanted to be out there looking for him, but he really could be out there waiting for one of us like that.’

Maggie gripped his shoulder, hard enough for him to wince slightly. She looked at him fiercely, but her words were gentle. ‘Let me do this for you, Glenn. You’ve done so much for me already.’

Glenn felt his words echoing in his mind. _I love you._ And in that moment he was sure he had made the right decision, even if Maggie hadn’t responded in kind. ‘Okay,’ he finally said. ‘But that is it. We head straight back here.’

Maggie nodded. ‘Of course.’

Glenn looked at the barn, and found a resolve in his heart. _I’m sorry Dale that you had to go out like this. I pray they catch the fucker that did this._

*

‘Andrea, slow down!’

The woman in front of him was marching ahead, one hand held her gun and the other a lantern. Theodore himself held only a gun, and he was struggling to keep up. In the middle of the woods, Theodore heard every snap and every creek and half expected Randall to jump upon them at any second.

 _Or would he?_ Night had fallen, and Theodore was beginning to become more and more uncertain of Randall still being around the farm. He knew if he was in the boy’s position, he would have been gone far away now.

What was also nagging his mind was the encounter between Rick and Shane. Something had been odd between them, the way they had interacted. Normally the pair were brother this and brother that, but if Theodore didn’t know any better he almost expected Rick to lunge at the other man. And Shane himself seemed to be in a trance of sorts, almost as if he wasn’t fully there.

_Give it a fucking rest, Theodore. You’re overthinking it. Rick’s pissed because a prisoner has just up and killed Dale, and Shane is in shock over the same thing. That’s it._

Besides, there were more pressing matters. Like Andrea’s current path into danger.

‘Andrea,’ he hissed. ‘Andrea, wait!’

Andrea turned around, lantern illuminating him in the darkness. ‘What, T-Dog?’ She asked. ‘What is it?’

‘Slow down, would you?’ Theodore replied. He was grateful that she had stopped, at least. ‘You’re going to get yourself killed running off in the dark like this.’

Andrea shook her head. ‘I can’t,’ she said. Theodore could hear the verge of panic in her voice. ‘I can’t. He’s still out there. He can’t get away with this.’ From the light, Theodore could see her beginning to cry.

‘Listen, Andrea,’ Theodore said. ‘Are you sure you’re up for this? We can just go back to the house, it’s okay if you want to. There’s no shame in it.’

Andrea shook her head. ‘That’s not an option, and you know that.’ It was as if the suggestion wiped any ‘weakness’ Andrea had into a blank canvas, for she showed no sign of crying now. ‘Randall is out there, and he needs to pay.’

‘But risking your life for that isn’t going to do it!’ Theodore all but shouted now. ‘If you keep on going the way you are, you’re going to get yourself killed.’

‘No, T-Dog,’ Andrea smiled. It was the saddest smile he had ever seen. ‘That’s no reason to bail out now.’ And just like that she turned around and walked in a brisk pace, forcing Theodore to hurry up and try to catch her.

_Fucking twat of a boy is going to shoot at us from out of nowhere, I just fucking know he will._

There was a creak then, and every instinct in Theodore forced him to freeze. He had a quick look at Andrea, who was wise enough to also stop in her tracks. Just as Theodore thought it might have been an animal, he heard the groan that followed.

_Walker!_

Theodore went for his gun and looked around in alarm. And that is when he saw him. ‘Andrea, look out!’

Andrea turned around to see the walker emerge from the bushes behind her. She quickly stepped backward and allowed Randall to fall on his face as he lunged at her, and the young boy snapped his jaws like a shark as he reached out to try and grab her.

Before Theodore could so much as assist Andrea in putting the boy down, Andrea let out a snarl of her own before kicking him square in the face. Randall still tried to reach out with his arms, but Andrea avoided them swiftly enough and grabbed him by the hair. With a roar, Andrea dragged the walker up from the floor.

‘Andrea, wait!’ Theodore reached out, but Andrea snapped. ‘Let me do this, I have to do this!’

And Theodore watched what she intended to do, which was slamming Randall’s head repeatedly against the tree. Over and over again, Andrea snarling and screaming herself in a way that reminded Theodore rather too much of a walker.

He could only watch, and at last it was over. Andrea let the body go, and he fell with a thump on the floor.

_I don’t want to get on the wrong side of her._

It took him a moment to realise Andrea was sobbing now. She collapsed onto the ground, and had her hands pressed against her face. ‘Hey,’ Theodore whispered as he knelt down to face her. He was glad when she let him hug her and take her into his arms. ‘It’s okay, its over now. He’s gone.’

Andrea cried all the harder for his statement, and before they knew it her sobs ceased.

‘Oh, T-Dog,’ Andrea sniffed as she looked at the walker she had just killed. ‘If only I had killed him before…’

‘Don’t,’ Theodore snapped. He was harsh enough for her to look at him almost instantly. ‘Don’t blame yourself. I won’t allow it, Andrea. You didn’t blame us for the attack on the camp, and I don’t blame you for Dale either. This was all on Randall.’

Andrea nodded, but Theodore doubted she had taken him on board. _We’ll talk about this after Dale is buried, once she is feeling better._ ‘Can you get up?’

‘Yeah,’ Andrea said. He helped her get up all the same, and Andrea held onto him as she looked at the corpse before him. His face was all but gone after the damage Andrea had delivered upon him, that much was clear.

‘How do you think it happened?’ Andrea asked. Her voice was lifeless. ‘Bitten, do you think?’

Theodore shrugged. ‘Shine that lantern over, I’ll have a look.’

 _This could be it. If he’s not bitten, then we’re all infected._ It was a grim thought, made all the grimmer that this would be the moment when they would discover the truth or not. _No pressure Theodore, heh?_

The mangled ruin of Randall’s face would have been enough to make Theodore gag not long ago, but he was now made of sterner stuff. _I’ve seen worse._ He remembered little Sophia stepping out of the barn, a vacant shell of the girl she had once been. _Yeah, I’ve seen worse._

But what did make him pause was when he rolled up Randall’s sleeves. ‘There’s a lot of bruises here,’ he murmured.

Andrea was unsympathetic. ‘So Shane or Rick were a little rough with him, it’s the least he deserves.’

‘Not Rick,’ Theodore said. ‘He didn’t want to torture him.’ He looked down at Randall’s hands, and despite his thoughts he did now feel bile come up his throat. ‘My god,’ he had time to say before turning around and vomiting.

‘What is it?’ Andrea asked. She leaned in closer to have a look and let out a gasp. ‘Oh god.’

Theodore looked back at Randall. His nails had been ripped off brutally, his fingers more like claws than real hands.

_What the fuck happened at that barn?_

*

They were in the clearing now, a fat moon hung above the two men who called one another brother.

Shane noticed that Rick slowed to a stop, and all that hung between them was their breathing. Harsh in the woods when the only sound at this time of night were the owls hooting away. Rick hadn’t spoken at all on their search for Randall.

_Randall. Fuck if any of them is gonna find him._

‘So is this where you planned to do it?’ Rick asked. Like their breathing, his voice was loud in the silence. He did not turn around.

Shane sighed as he reached out for the gun on his holster. ‘It’s a good as place as any,’ he said.

Rick turned around then, and he was the angriest Shane had ever seen him. He was taken aback by the hostile glare aimed at his way, when by all rights that should have been Shane giving him that look. The red mist clouded over him again.

_Focus on what you have to do, keep Lori safe._

Shane aimed his gun, but Rick made no move for his yet. ‘Any final words?’ Shane asked. He did not want to pull the trigger, not until Rick understood why this _had_ to be an easy process. Why he needed to die.

‘No,’ Rick shook his head. And Shane saw his opening when he continued, ‘I just want to know why, Shane. Why kill Dale?’

‘It was an accident,’ Shane replied. That much was true. ‘He got in the way between me and Randall, that’s all. I saw an opportunity after it to lure you out here.’

He waited on the _why?_ for that, but it did not come. Instead, Rick only nodded. That made Shane hesitate, more than anything. _Why the fuck is he acting so calm for? I’m his brother, he should be fucking begging me to ask why._

‘Don’t you want to know?’ Shane asked. He could hear the pleading in his voice, and he hated himself for it. _I can’t be the one who is begging, Lori and Carl need me too much for that._ ‘Aren’t you curious.’

Rick only stared at him, and for every second that passed made Shane feel like a knife was being twisted in his heart. _I thought he loved me._

‘We were brothers!’ Shane roared. He felt the tears flood now, but the red mist never disappeared and with the red mist his anger only increased. ‘How can you just stand there and not say a fucking thing about this?!’

‘Because I know, Shane,’ Rick said quietly. It was the quietness of his voice that made Shane loathe him there and then, and his finger tightened around the trigger ever so slightly.

_Just one squeeze and its all over._

‘Know what?’ Shane found himself asking. _Could Lori have told him?_ If she had, it made no difference. It only explained why Rick was acting so strangely in the face of death. ‘Know what, Rick?!’

‘That you tried to rape her at the CDC,’ Rick replied.

Shane gaped at him, and he lowered his gun. The red mist faded away then, and clarity overcame his vision. He saw a man he considered brother stare at him as if he was the worst kind of man, the worst kind of rapist.

_No, that’s not right. We got past that._

‘I-,’ Shane swallowed. ‘That was a misunderstanding.’

‘Bullshit,’ Rick responded. His voice was like venom, and Shane hated to hear Rick talk to him like that. _No, we love one another Rick. Don’t talk to me like that._ ‘You tried to rape her because it was over between you, Shane. I know everything. Everything!’

Shane flinched, and raised his gun as Rick took a step forward. That made Rick stay where he was, but Shane’s vision was beginning to blur with tears.

‘I’m sorry,’ Shane said. ‘I’m sorry for it all, man.’

Rick shook his head. ‘You don’t even know what you’re sorry for, Shane. Sorry about what? Fucking my wife? Trying to rape her? Hurting her, making her frightened of you?!’

‘That’s enough!’ Shane roared back. The red mist came back, and clarity was beginning to fade away. ‘Everything I’ve done, I’ve done to protect her. To protect her and your boy, Rick.’

Rick smiled. It was a smile of malice, and Shane realised he was closer than he had thought. ‘That’s another lie, Shane. You know it is.’

Shane shook his head vehemently. ‘It isn’t,’ and all at once his rage came pouring out. All the endless sleepless nights he had, the guilt he carried over Otis, the fear and the terror that drove him to make every single decision of his journey since the world ended _exploded._ ‘You weren’t there!’ Shane exploded. ‘You didn’t see the bombs drop on Atlanta like we did, you never saw the news!’

‘That has nothing to do with it,’ Rick said. Still maddeningly calm as ever.

_I hate you. I hate you more than I ever knew._

‘It has everything to do with it!’ Shane spat. ‘Everything I’ve done, it was to prevent her from having to go through that again. Her and Carl. I had to make the hard decisions, Rick! Like the barn and killing Otis to save your son! And Randall, too! Don’t you see? It was all so they didn’t have to be in danger.’

‘And yet,’ Rick said, ‘the biggest danger to them was you.’ It was the first time Shane saw a hint of pain in Rick’s eyes, and the red mist was his world now.

Yet he didn’t want to kill Rick, not right away. He wanted to hurt him first, and he held the triumphant card.

‘She’s pregnant, Rick,’ Shane spoke. It was like a whistle to his ears. ‘She’s pregnant with _my_ baby.’

‘I know,’ Rick replied.

Shane roared. The gun fell from out of his hands, all rational decision driven away in his mad desire to kill Rick and make him suffer through his fists and kicks. He lunged at Shane, just as Rick went for his gun. But he was too late, and Shane was on top of him.

He punched once, twice, thrice. His hand was a world of agony, but the red mist did not care. What satisfied and painted the world with red mist was quickly wrapping his hands around Rick and squeezing tightly.

Rick choked, and Shane felt himself smile. _My baby. Mine._

Rick reached out weakly and punched him from the side. It was a weak attempt, Shane barely felt it. All he had eyes on was Rick’s face slowly but surely turn blue.

‘It has to be like this,’ Shane heard himself say from far away. He wondered if Rick was hearing him in the same way he sounded. ‘You know it has to be. You can’t protect them, Rick. You were gone too long, but I know how it is.’

_It has to be this way. I’m sorry, Rick. You were my brother once, but you should never have came back._

‘Don’t hurt my dad again!’

Shane loosened his fingers slightly, but before he could turn around, he felt rather than saw his world explode before fading forever into eternal darkness.

*

Carl lowered his gun, the smoke from his gun in the air. His hands were shaking.

‘Carl,’ his dad wheezed as he forced the weight of Shane’s body away from him. ‘Carl, c’mon here,’ he continued to wheeze as he pushed himself up from the ground.

Carl only stood where he was with the gun in hand, and the gun fell. Miraculously the gun did not fire by accident. He remembered his dad and Shane saying that could happen at target practice with the whole group if they weren’t careful with handling their weapons.

_Shane was going to teach me how to shoot._

Carl felt the brim of tears coming, and then it was like a flood breaking through a dam as he sobbed into Rick’s arms, who enfolded him into the tightest hug he had ever had.

‘It’s going to be okay, Carl,’ Rick whispered to him. ‘You did what you had to do.’

_But I killed him! I killed Shane!_

‘I didn’t mean to kill him, dad,’ Carl wailed. ‘I just wanted to stop him from hurting you. I promise.’

‘I know, son,’ Rick whispered. ‘I know.’

They sat there for a while, father and son in each other’s embrace as Shane’s body lay not far behind them, almost buried and hidden by the tall grass.

And off into the distance, thousands upon thousands of walkers all turned as one as they followed the sound of the lone gunshot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the longest chapter I've ever written. But this all came about because the ending of the last chapter I didn't intend on for Lori to tell Rick about the attempted rape, so I had to scrap the original two chapters I had in mind afterwards and come up with something else on the spot to have a natural follow through on that. I'm also quite keen on moving on from the farm and this is my apology for being a little late with this chapter (I have my own target goals which I failed to meet with this one). 
> 
> That doesn't mean all of this was content I didn't plan on. A lot of I did like Patricia helping Morales with his kids, But I was going to do my own version of 18 Miles Out, Judge, Jury and Executioner and Better Angels. But I've stayed far too close to the show canon as it is, that combining most of it into one chapter is probably the better option for me. Because from now on it's going to lean more in the remix style as you just saw with Carl shooting Shane when he was alive, at least once the next chapter is over and we move on from the farm.
> 
> And P.S; I will explain why Carl was able to sneak out of the house in the way he did without raising alarm and also how he shot the gun so well for his first time. I wanted to fit it in this chapter but I couldn't without giving the game away of what was about to happen.


	18. Night 76 - Day 77

‘Why was Shane trying to hurt you, dad?’

Despite expecting the question, Rick had tensed up. He did not let his son notice as they walked the fields, past Shane’s body and not a look back. He held Carl’s hand, almost as if they had just returned from a regular father and son activity.

_But there is nothing regular about this._

Rick looked at Carl. Despite the darkness he could see Carl’s tear streaked face, the loss of innocence in his eyes. _Nothing regular about this at all._ It hurt Rick more than he could say to think about what the price his son had paid to keep him alive.

And with Shane; Rick didn’t know what to think about that.

_You knew it was going to end with him gone. One way, or another._ He just didn’t expect his son to be the reasoning for it.

‘I don’t know, son,’ Rick said finally. He came to a stop and Carl stopped by extension. Rick sighed and bent down to one knee so he could be more level with him. ‘I just want to know if _you_ are okay, Carl. What you did, that couldn’t have been easy.’

Carl shook his head. ‘It wasn’t. But I saw him hurting you and I had to. I didn’t think about it. I just did it,’ he said. It was not like Carl to be so quiet, yet here was as loud as a mouse. ‘I saw the way you handled your guns at target practice, I knew how to do it. Shane was going to teach me…’ Carl trailed off into silence, and Rick nodded.

‘It’s okay,’ Rick said. He went and hugged him tightly. Rick found himself on the verge of tears. _This world. This fucking world._ ‘Let’s get you back to your mom, now. She must be worried sick.’

Carl paled, and something that was nagging at Rick came flooding back to him. ‘Why did you leave the house in the first place?’ He could not help but sound accusing, even after what they had just been through. ‘You know what happened the last time you sneaked off, Carl. That could have happened again.’

‘But it didn’t,’ Carl protested. ‘And if I hadn’t had done it, you might have been hurt.’ He gulped. ‘That’s why I did it in the first place. I sneaked out my room through the window after stealing a gun from your bag. I didn’t want you to be in danger, not again.’

Rick sighed. ‘Carl, I’m glad-.’

He heard it then. A sound like the ocean droning interrupted his conversation, and by Carl’s panicked expression Rick knew he hadn’t imagined it. The moans seemed to increase in volume as every second passed, and Rick took the chance to look back from where they had come.

Despite the darkness, he could make out the faint outline of Shane’s body from where he had been left. But that was not the sight that gripped him with sheer terror.

The outline of hundreds upon hundreds of figures emerging from the woods did.

‘Go,’ Rick hissed to Carl. He gripped Carl’s shoulder tight, hard enough to hurt as evidenced by Carl’s gasp. ‘C’mon, go.’ Rick ran, at first just with his hand on Carl’s shoulder to urge him on. The moans only increased, but Rick dared not look back to see if any of them had spotted him.

_I just have to assume they have._

Rick pushed Carl slightly ahead of him now, letting go of his shoulder. ‘Get to the barn, Carl!’ He shouted now, convinced that the walkers indeed had seen them.

The barn was not that far away, he could make out the shape of the structure from here. Carl ran in front of him, and both father and son panted for breath as they made their way through the field. The ground was treacherous; Rick felt his foot sink into the mud like quicksand. It was his sheer desperation to keep himself and his son alive that kept him on his toes, determined not to get stuck at any point.

The barn was so close, yet so far.

*

‘I can’t believe he’s gone,’ Glenn said.

Maggie gripped on Glenn’s hand tight before they entered the barn. ‘Are you sure you want to do this?’ Maggie asked him. ‘We could head back if you don’t feel up for it.’

Glenn shook his head. ‘No, I have to see him. He deserves better than just to be left out here for the flies to catch him.’ Maggie nodded, and she leaned in to kiss him. _He needs all the comfort he can get, it’s the least you can do._

Glenn kissed back, before they parted ways. Sighing, Glenn placed his hand on the handle of the door. He did not open straight away as Maggie expected however, instead turning to look at her.

‘Maggie?’

‘Yeah?’ Maggie found herself curious. She had been fighting the urge to up and flee since Glenn told her he loved her. _That’s just crazy talk, you don’t fall in love with somebody in under a week._ But Glenn had needed her in his time of need, and she had needed him in hers. It was only right that she helped him through with what he was going through.

‘Thank you,’ Glenn said finally, and Maggie let out a breath she didn’t know she had been holding in. And as Glenn opened the barn door and it creaked ever so slightly, Maggie knew from that moment on she would always be there for Glenn.

_Be here for him now._

And she was. Walking into the barn, she heard Glenn’s gasp of shock as his eyes laid over what she had not yet. Maggie instantly grabbed his hand, and he tightened onto hers for support.

She fought the urge to gasp herself. Dale was lying on the floor, his head bent at an unnatural angle. Maggie had been used to the smells of the barn, and in time had even become accustomed to the smell of the sick in the barn when she would go over to feed them chickens.

Seeing Dale in that way was a whole different kettle of fish, and Maggie fought the urge to throw up. _Don’t make this about you, it’s about Glenn._

‘I’m so sorry, Glenn,’ Maggie said. ‘I know he meant the world to you.’

Glenn only nodded, not taking his eyes from Dale. He let go of Maggie’s hand then, and he approached the body before bending down on one knee.

‘Do you think he’ll turn?’ Glenn asked.

The question took Maggie aback, she hadn’t considered the possibility. ‘I don’t know, Glenn. From what you told me about the CDC, I guess it could be possible. If he didn’t hurt his head hard enough…’ Maggie trailed off, and she winced at what she had just said. _Great, way to remind him._

If Glenn took offence, he did not say. ‘Do you have a blanket or something to cover him up?’

‘Yeah, actually,’ Maggie turned around to the corner of the barn. ‘Rick asked my dad for some for you know who, that’s how they are here.’ She went to retrieve the blanket and turned to see Glenn sitting by Dale’s side.

He had never looked so much like a young boy in that moment, and Maggie expected him to cry at any moment. She would have been by his side for a second if she saw the first tear, but none came. He looked pale and withdrawn and he only had eyes for the man on the floor, but he did not cry.

‘Here you go,’ Maggie said gently as she helped unfold the blanket. ‘Do you want me to?’

Glenn shook his head. ‘No. Thanks, Maggie,’ he took the blanket and covered the man up. Maggie found herself relieved she no longer had to look at the way his head was positioned. _How much tragedy can occur in one barn?_

She shuddered as she looked around the barn, knowing it had only been a couple of days since Shawn and Annette had been cooped up here side by side with strangers; all of them rotting away and being content by live chickens and her family’s ignorance.

_We should have known._ I _should have known._

‘Goodbye, Dale,’ Glenn said, and her attention snapped back to him. He got up from the ground now, and Maggie held onto him to support him. ‘I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you when it was time.’

‘You know he wouldn’t have wanted you feeling sorry for him,’ Maggie told him quietly. She made sure to make her voice gentle as she did not want to offend Glenn in his time of mourning. ‘This wasn’t your fault.’

Glenn sighed. ‘I know, Maggie. It’s just hard sometimes, that’s all.’

‘I know.’

The pair of them stood there then, watching over the body in silence. For how long Maggie could not say. She was content in simply being there for Glenn in the time that passed in the barn, not wishing to leave until he was ready to leave.

‘I should probably get a hammer and some nails,’ Glenn said finally. ‘Just in case he does return. I don’t want him to suffer in that way.’

‘You don’t need to be the one,’ Maggie said. ‘You don’t, Glenn. Rick or somebody else could do it.’ A thought occurred to her then, and she let him hear it. ‘I could be the one. Just anybody but you. It’s hard enough.’

Glenn smiled thinly. ‘Thanks for the offer, Maggie. But I want to be the one to do this.’

Maggie looked at his face and saw that he had made up his mind. ‘My dad has a toolbox, we could get the hammer from there,’ she said.

Glenn nodded, and he took her hand. ‘Let’s go get it, then.’

Maggie took one look at the blanket covered body before setting to leave, her mind adrift. _At least Glenn accepts his death, not like we did with Shawn and Annette. It’ll be easier for him in that way._

Further thoughts were cut short the moment she heard the panting, and she immediately tensed. She yelped a little as Glenn gripped her hand too tight, and he let go instantly. She knew he had heard it too from that action alone; and the panic in his eyes confirmed it.

‘You hear that too?’ Glenn asked.

Maggie nodded. It was thunderous, the moans of the dead. Terror overcome her in a way she had never experienced before. _I need to get to my family, before it’s too late._

She went to the door, but Glenn immediately grabbed onto her. ‘Where do you think you are going?!’ Glenn asked, his voice wild. ‘It’ll be suicide just running out there.’

‘It’s suicide just waiting in here!’ Maggie shook off his hand and pushed for the door. Glenn cursed but followed after and went to a halt as she came to a still on her tracks.

The darkness could have hid the walkers well if there hadn’t been so many of them, and if they weren’t making the loudest orchestra the world had ever known. They were at a distance still, but it would only be a matter of couple of minutes at the most before they descended upon the barn.

And not far away were Carl and Rick running towards their direction.

*

_Shane’s dead. Shane’s dead. I killed Shane. Shane’s dead._

It was a thought playing in his mind, again and again like a broken record. Even as he ran and waded his way through the mud drenched fields, he kept picturing the moment when his finger pulled the trigger at the man, he called uncle.

Behind him, his dad was shouting. ‘Keep running, Carl! Get to the barn!’

Carl did as he was told. He felt a shiver of fear run through his bones, but even at his young age he doubted that had anything to do with the walkers swarming their way and everything to do with killing Shane.

_I had no choice. Dad said so himself._

Carl stumbled and fell to the ground. He braced himself for impact, and his hat fell off from his head. He picked up the hat immediately and tried to pull himself up, but his hand stung from the harshness of the fall. Rick was behind him in seconds and helped pull him up.

‘We don’t have far to go,’ Rick told him now. ‘Just keep going.’

Carl looked up at the barn and saw that he was right. What made him lose all track of thinking about what he had done to Shane was the sight of Glenn and Maggie at the barn, frozen still by what they were witnessing behind him.

Carl chanced a look himself, and he felt his heart skip a beat. _There must be millions._

‘Get in, get in!’ Rick was shouting at both his son and the young couple, and all parties immediately agreed to do just that. Before they knew it, they were in the barn and Rick was lifting a barrier against the door.

‘What were you doing here?’ Rick turned to direct Glenn and Maggie. His look was wild, and he reminded Carl of the pacing jaguars in the documentaries that he had to watch for school. As frightened as he was, the sight of his father acting like that made him reach a new height of terror he never knew possible.

‘We were covering Dale up. We couldn’t leave him here,’ Glenn said.

Carl couldn’t help but turn to look at Dale, and he saw a blanket. The man’s body huddled underneath.

_He taught me how to play chess. Why did I never go back to playing chess with him?_ Carl always had a feeling that his mother had disliked Dale and didn’t want him hanging around, but he never knew why. Dale had been cool, and now he was gone.

And Carl was in a situation of his own making because of that.

_That_ thought was enough to make him avert his eyes, hoping Rick wouldn’t see him and guess the truth out of him by look alone.

‘We need to try and get out of here,’ Maggie said, but before anybody could come up with a plan or even response the very walls of the barn shook. The snarls and screams of the dead were loud enough for Carl to think they might as well be in the crowd themselves, but the pounding of their hands and fists against the wooden structure was enough to almost drown their noise out.

Carl covered his ears. The noise went through him, and he wished for it to stop. But on and on it went, and if there was one thing clear in the darkness it was that the walkers knew where they were and wouldn’t stop until they got their hands on them.

‘Shit!’ Rick snapped. He looked up at the upper story of the barn. ‘Is there a way out of here, Maggie? Like through the roof or something.’

‘There is,’ Maggie said. ‘There’s a door. The ladders are over here,’ she quickly rushed to get them. Glenn followed her and he helped her push the set up against the upper landing.

‘Carl, you get up first,’ Rick told him. ‘Now!’

Carl wanted to protest, but the look in Rick’s eye killed that notion. He did as he was told, but when he was on the landing he looked down and saw that the adults had made no move to follow up. Panic overtook him not for the first time that night, and he yelled, ‘get up, come on!’

‘No!’ Rick shouted. ‘Not yet!’

Glenn and Maggie only looked at Rick in alarm. ‘What are you thinking, Rick?’ Glenn asked. The pounding of hands against the wood was louder than ever. Carl expected the barn to cave in on itself at any moment now.

‘The gas,’ Rick told him. ‘There’s gas of cans here,’ he immediately went to one of the red cannisters and opened the cap. He started pouring the liquid onto the straw below. ‘Do any of you have a lighter?!’

‘No!’ Maggie shouted. ‘You have to stop this, Rick! We’re wasting time!’

Glenn’s eyes widened. ‘Wait!’ He turned around and faced Dale. From the upper landing Carl saw Glenn’s face twist into a grimace. ‘I knew Dale smoked. He might have a lighter.’

Carl knew why Glenn grimaced then. Undoing his tribute from earlier, Glenn grabbed the blanket and uncovered Dale. Shaking his head, Glenn bent down and started to go through his pockets. After a moment that seemed like eternity, he took out a zippo.

_This is wrong. We shouldn’t be here. I shouldn’t be here. I killed Shane. I want my mom._

‘Grab the cans and start pouring!’ Rick instructed Glenn and Maggie, and the pair did as he told them. Carl towered above the three on the landing, his heart in his mouth and wondering if perhaps his dad hadn’t gone slightly mad.

‘Now get up!’ Rick shouted. Maggie was the first to climb up, but before Glenn could Rick passed him Dale’s lighter. ‘Drop it once I’m up. We’ll try and take out as many as we can, it might distract them all over to the fire,’ Carl heard Rick say before he marched to the door. Glenn started to climb almost instantly.

‘No!’ Carl shouted out as he tried to get to Rick, but Maggie instantly grabbed onto him before he could go down the set of ladders. _What is he doing!_

Rick lifted the barrier then, and almost instantly the door collapsed inward of itself as the walkers stormed through. If Rick had been a second later in backing away, Carl had no doubt he would have found himself in the middle of all the dead.

‘Fuck, fuck!’ Rick yelled as he quickly turned around for the ladders.

Glenn was on the edge of the landing, hand raised out with Dale’s lighter. As Rick got on the ladder and started to climb, Carl held his breath as Glenn let the lighter go.

The lighter fell with its fire still burning. And lit the whole world on fire.

*

Lori found herself pacing back and forth, back and forth in the sitting room. The entire group barring the children, the search parties and Glenn, Maggie and Beth were there, and Lori felt she could climb up the wall with her nerves.

_What is taking them so long?_

‘Shouldn’t they be back by now?’ Billy asked. He fidgeted. ‘I’m getting really fucking nervous, you hear me?’

_You and me both, Billy_ , Lori thought as Hershel checked his son for his language. The grandfather clock ticked away, and Lori almost screamed due to the panic taking over her every sense of being. _I should say something, I’ll be as well killing them myself if I don’t._

‘Maybe we should go with another search party?’ Morales asked. ‘I don’t like this waiting around either.’

‘Absolutely not,’ Hershel’s voice was firm. ‘Think about it. If Randall has gone back to his group, they could be out there in the woods right now mounting an attack upon us. Or the infected could be out there and sneak upon you in the darkness. Either way, this is the safest place to be.’

‘But Theodore and Andrea are out there,’ Carol’s voice surprised Lori as she turned around to face her. Usually Carol was quiet on subjects like this, and Lori felt a pang of guilt. _I’ve been so caught up in my own drama I haven’t checked on her recently._ ‘I don’t think its right we just wait in here while they risk their lives.’

‘Theodore and Andrea are capable of defending themselves,’ Hershel argued. ‘So are Rick and Shane. I’m not risking sending any of my children out there, believe me.’

‘You might need to,’ Arnold said. ‘This affects all of us, man. I’m not just going to stand here and wait for others to get hurt. Are you wanting to come, Morales?’

_Randall is not the danger._ Lori’s throat was dry, she didn’t want to speak the words. But she could feel the tension in the room mounting, and the group weren’t fully aware of the danger Shane posed. _I don’t want to think he killed Dale, but I don’t fully know him anymore._

‘Yeah,’ Morales turned to Patricia. ‘Look after my kids while I’m gone,’ he said. Patricia nodded as Morales went to get his coat, and both Morales and Arnold went to the front door. Hershel was just behind them, his words falling on deaf ears.

_No, I need to tell them._ Lori strode past the others out into the hall when the front door opened, and Theodore and Andrea came through.

Lori’s heart stopped. _Where’s Rick?_ Her mind flashed through what seemed like a million and one possibilities, none of them good judging by the look on both Theodore and Andrea’s faces. The pair of them looked terrified out of their minds and judging by the sweat on their faces had been running. Andrea’s face and clothes were splattered with blood.

‘What’s going on?’ Hershel asked. ‘Where’s Rick and Shane?’

Andrea went to speak, but she panted instead. She shook her head as she braced herself against the wall. Theodore spoke up instead. ‘You can’t hear them?! Listen.’

Everybody in the house quietened, and that is when Lori heard them. Her hand on instinct went to clutch her stomach, thinking of the life inside of her and her mind went to Carl, safe and secure in his room. _They’re here._

‘We heard them coming back,’ Theodore said. ‘All of them are where the barn is right now, but it won’t be long before they are up here.’

Lori felt like she could sink to her knees, but she remained firm. _I have to think clearly, or I’ll panic._ ‘Where’s Rick?’ She asked. ‘Shane? Please tell me they aren’t out there.’

Andrea shook her head. ‘I don’t know where they are. But we found Randall. He’s dead,’ she pushed herself from the wall. ‘We need to do something about that herd out there, or this place is a goner. We need to decide right now if it’s worth the fight.’

Hershel strode past the pair, and out into the porch. Lori went to follow him, and she had to cover her mouth in shock at the sight. The darkness couldn’t hide that many walkers, all of them out in the open as they were.

And it was a full moon.

Hershel turned around to face them. ‘This is my farm,’ he said. ‘I’ll die here.’

‘So what is going to be the plan?’ Arnold asked. His voice suggested he was on the verge of a meltdown. ‘Do we even have enough guns to pick them all off?’

‘No,’ Theodore said. His voice was quiet, but it was firm enough for everybody to take note of him. ‘Some of us will get the kids out of here and flee to the highway, where the wreck is. We can’t risk them in this mess. The rest of us will try and lure them away with a car. One person drives, the other shoots out the window. I don’t expect any of us to actually land a target, but the noise will be enough to lure them. It was Rick and Dixon making noise that landed all of them up our asses back in Atlanta. Ain’t no reason why we shouldn’t do it on purpose this time.’

‘But what about-,’ before Lori could voice her fears over Rick being out in the middle of the mess, she heard a scream. Lori quickly looked up in concern. Beth was quickly running downstairs, and she came to a stop in the middle.

‘Maggie and Glenn, they aren’t there,’ Beth cried. ‘I went to check in on them. They’re gone.’

The effect she had was instantaneous with her revelation. Hershel’s face hardened, and Lacey let out a shrill cry. ‘What do you mean, they’re gone?’ Lacey asked. She pushed past Morales as she rushed upstairs and past Beth.

‘Fuck it,’ Arnold snarled. ‘I’m going out there, whether you want me to or not dad.’

‘Don’t be so stupid!’ Hershel shouted. But Arnold grabbed a set of keys from the bowl on the table, keys that Lori thought might have been for Dale’s RV, and he was out of the house before Hershel could so much as say another word.

A chance look at Carol made Lori’s blood go cold all over. ‘The kids,’ she whispered. Patricia was the only one who heard her, and Lori immediately rushed to Maggie’s former bedroom where all of them had been gathered.

_You shouldn’t have let him out of your sight, not after what happened last time! If Glenn and Maggie are missing, they all could be too. I swear to god, if Shane or Randall have took him!_

Lori burst through the door, Patricia and Carol not far behind her.

Louis, Eliza, Rachel and Susie all looked up in alarm. A quick glance around the room saw that Carl wasn’t there, but the window was wide open.

Her nightmare come to life.

Lori grabbed the first child in her way who happened to be Louis. ‘Where is he?!’ Lori all but screamed as she grabbed him by his shoulders. Louis winced as she tightened her grip, and she knew she was going too far. But her terror drove her now. ‘What happened to Carl, Louis?!’

‘Lori, let go of him!’ Patricia chided. ‘Don’t scare him.’

‘Just tell me where he is?!’ It was the thought more than anything that was driving Lori into hysteria. The thought of the army of walkers on their doorstep, the thought that Shane had probably lured Rick out to kill him using Randall, the thought of Carl being caught up in the middle of it all.

The thought that this was all her fault, and she had repeated her mistake of letting Carl out of her sight.

‘Lori,’ Carol’s voice was firm, but gentle. It got through her panic in a way no shout ever could. ‘Be calm, think this through.’

‘He went out of the window!’ Eliza wailed. ‘He wanted to go and get the man who killed Dale. Let go of my brother!’

Lori instantly let go of Louis, and she looked at Eliza in stunned disbelief. ‘What?’

Eliza nodded, tears streaming down her cheeks. ‘He made us promise we wouldn’t say anything.’

Before Lori could even wrap her head around the revelation, she could hear a shout from Morales. ‘The barn’s on fire!’

*

The smoke was thick enough for Glenn’s eyes to water, and he couldn’t help but cough either. It was a harsh, bitter cough that made Glenn think for a second he was choking out his lungs.

_Not good! Not good at all!_

Next to him was Maggie, and she was shaking all over. He huddled next to her, and in front of them were Rick and Carl. And down below were a crowd of walkers, all of their moans intensified by the sight of the humans above them.

And behind them was the raging inferno coming from down below and inside the barn. Glenn knew it was only a matter of time before the upper structure collapsed completely and the whole barn would come crashing down, and them with it.

One way or another, they were doomed to suffer a terrible fate.

The fire coming from the barn was enough to illuminate the fields from a great distance. The lights at the Greene house were on, and Glenn couldn’t help but compare the walkers as moths to a flame as he noticed many approaching the house just as much as the ones drawn to the barn.

‘What do we do, Rick!’ Glenn shouted above the moans. He could barely hear himself.

Rick only looked at him, and Glenn wondered if perhaps he hadn’t been heard. But then it dawned on him, and Glenn felt all hope crumble disappear in a flash before Rick shook his head. _He doesn’t know._

Glenn gulped. He grabbed Maggie tightly as Rick turned around and fired his gun at the crowd. He got one on the head, but almost instantly that head was replaced by another. And even if Rick had fired all his bullets into the crowd, it would have only been a matter of time before Rick ran out completely.

‘Glenn,’ Maggie breathed into his chest. She looked up at him tearfully, and he looked into her eyes. ‘I’m sorry.’

Glenn blinked. He didn’t know what Maggie could possibly be sorry for, in this situation as well. ‘Sorry for what?’

‘Sorry for not telling you I love you too,’ she said. She coughed then, and Glenn could see the soot in her face. He patted her back as hard as he could. ‘Because I do. I’m just scared, that’s all.’

Glenn only nodded, and he kissed her. She kissed back, and it was fast and furious for it might be the last kiss ever shared between them. ‘It’s okay,’ he told her. ‘It’s okay.’

_Even if we die here, at least I took a chance. That’s more than I would have been able to have done before all of this._

A gunshot rang in the distance, and Glenn looked up in alarm. He could not make out who exactly had made the gunshot, but he did see the convoy of vehicles near the farm lighting up one by one as people got in the cars.

‘Look!’ Glenn shouted, and he pointed his finger at the cars. Maggie, Rick and Carl all looked, and Glenn could hear their sighs of relief without it having been expressed. ‘They’re coming for us!’

Indeed, the RV was driving through the field towards their way. Glenn could have jumped for joy at the very sight of it, and he thought of Dale for the barest of seconds. _Even in death, you’re still looking out for me._ Instead of jumping for joy, he screamed and waved for help.

‘Over here!’ Glenn shouted. Rick, Carl and Maggie joined in, and it was with great relief that the driver of the RV had indeed seen them because it was heading their way.

It was with brutal effect the RV drove into the crowd, blood splattering like a fountain. But that was when Glenn’s brief joy of relief vanished as quick as it had come. The walkers the RV made contact with disappeared under the tire, but so many walkers forced the RV to a stop in the middle of the crowd.

Looking at the window, Glenn saw Arnold’s terrified face looking at him.

‘Get on the roof!’ Rick was shouting now. Glenn saw that there was enough of a distance for even Carl to make the jump. ‘Just get on the roof and jump from it onto the field. Make a run for it!’

Maggie was shaking her head, having seen Arnold herself. The walkers were slamming their hands against the RV on either side in their relentless fury to get into the vehicle. Some even pressed their hands against the front window, almost blocking Arnold from sight.

‘C’mon, Maggie!’ Glenn shouted. Glenn saw Carl make the jump, and as Carl landed on the roof he could see the effect the walkers pushing the RV had on the vehicle. Carl almost skidded over to the edge with the entire roof shaking. Rick let out a curse as he saw the same thing, but he still waited for Glenn and Maggie to go before him.

‘He’s stuck!’ Maggie screamed above the noise. ‘He’s stuck, Glenn. He meant to come closer than this!’

It was true, and they had all known it. Dale’s RV might have been equipped to go on a full country trip, but it had not been equipped to go through a mud drenched field. Any attempt to get the RV out of the RV was void in thanks to the walkers surrounding the vehicle.

_Fuck, what the hell do I do? What the hell do we do?_

There was only one thing to do, and just the thought of it made Glenn sick.

‘We have to go, Maggie,’ he told her.

‘What?!’ Maggie looked betrayed, and that stung Glenn much harder than any bee sting could have.

‘We need to get to your family,’ Glenn continued. Carl had jumped from the RV now and onto the field. Rick gave Glenn a pleading look, and Glenn wasn’t surprised to see him make the jump not a second later. _He needs to get to his family, too._

‘Arnold _is_ my family!’ Maggie shouted.

‘We can’t do anything for Arnold!’ Glenn shouted back. It was heartless and cruel. Glenn had never felt like so much of an arsehole before, and he noticed that Rick had jumped onto the field now after Carl. ‘You know it, Maggie! But the rest of your family still needs you!’

Maggie closed her eyes and started to cry. Glenn cried himself. ‘We have to go,’ he pleaded, but his voice was gentler even if just as urgent as it had been.

Maggie nodded, and she turned to look at Arnold. She shook her head, and just as Glenn thought she would have stood there for all of eternity, she made her leap to the roof. Glenn made for his own jump, but he could not resist taking one last look at Arnold.

Arnold was sitting with his hands tight on the wheel. Despite the sheer terror in his eyes and the beads of sweat trickling down him, he seemed oddly at peace in the middle of the carnage that he was in. He ignored the walkers pounding on the glass and the side, not seeing the cracks on the window or the inferno that was threatening to break free from the barn.

Instead he only looked at Glenn, and he nodded. And he mouthed, ‘take care of her.’

Glenn nodded, blinking back his tears as he made the jump. It was a heart stopping moment, and Glenn cursed as he landed on the roof. The world was in motion, and it took Glenn a terrifying glance to see the walkers were succeeding unintentionally in pushing the RV down sideways.

Glenn pushed himself up quickly. He only had seconds, he knew. He could see Maggie in the field, pushing herself up with Rick’s support as Carl fired a gun at a walker that was too close to her.

Glenn made the jump, and landed on the grass just as the RV was pushed to the side. They heard glass shattering, and the scream that followed.

*

‘Lori! It’s time to go.’

Lori turned around from her pacing and saw Lacey at the doorstep. Behind her was Beth, who was peaking through the curtains at the window to look at the fire.

‘The kids in the car?’ Lori asked, and she felt for her gun. _Thank fuck Rick showed me how to use this all those years ago._

Lacey nodded. She looked like an image of what Lori felt she must have looked like herself, if her emotions were anything to go by. _Oh my god, Rick and Carl are out in the middle of all that? How the fuck am I still on my feet?_ ‘Billy’s driving them. We can just about fit in if we squeeze.’

‘Good,’ Lori said. And for repeated measure, ‘good.’ Lori marched out into the hall. She saw Lacey take a longing look at the sitting room, and Lori understood. She had been the same at her own house, knowing there was a chance that would be the last time she would ever step foot in there. ‘The rest?’

Lacey broke from her lingering look. ‘T-Dog and Andrea are in one car, Morales and Patricia in another. They’re circling around the field right now trying to lure the sick away. Arnold’s gone to the barn to see if Rick and the rest are there.’

Lori nodded, taking the information in. She walked out into the hallway. Carol was there as well, clasping her hands. ‘What about Hershel?’

Lacey shook her head. ‘He’s just out there, shooting them.’ And just like that Lori head the sound of a shotgun going off. ‘Carol’s tried talking him out of it, but they’re getting closer and he’s just not moving from where he is standing.’

‘It’s no good,’ Carol said. ‘We have to go now or we might get surrounded.’

Lori marched out of the door. She saw the car waiting for them on their far right, and to the left was Hershel standing with his shotgun, ready to take out the walkers one by one if need be.

_Madness. This is madness._

‘I’ll try and get him,’ Lori said. She walked across the porch and leaned against the railings. Lori saw that Lacey was not exaggerating at the walkers being so much closer to the house than they had been, and once again the panic she had been feeling bubbled over.

‘Hershel!’ She screamed. Hershel fired another shell and reloaded. ‘Hershel, it’s time to go!’

Hershel kept on firing once again however, having no indignation that he had even heard. Lori cursed and tried again.

‘Lori!’ Carol shouted. Lori turned around, and she saw that Carol was holding onto the pillar. Behind her, Lacey and Beth were holding hands as sister should. Lori saw in Carol’s eyes what she wasn’t willing to say in front of the man’s daughters.

_Give him up, Lori. He is lost._

Lori cursed and cried, but she nodded. ‘C’mon, girls,’ Lori said as she turned her back on the man who had saved her son’s life. _And it might have been all for nought._

The women ran, reaching for the truck that was to hold four children, two teenagers and three adults. Lacey also wasn’t kidding about it being a stretch, but comfort was the last thing in Lori’s mind. _I’m not just turning my back on Hershel; I’m leaving my husband and son behind too._

So caught up in her mad dash for freedom and her thoughts of abandonment, Lori almost missed the scream to her left. Lori turned around, and to her horror saw that walkers had come from the other side of the house as well.

Carol had been in front of the trio, and now she was cut off from both the women and the truck as they made their way towards. Carol went to move to the truck, but from Lori’s position it looked like a walker near enough jumped in front of her to block her way. Taking a desperate look around her, Carol turned around and ran further away from her freedom.

Lacey and Beth were still holding hands, and that proved to be fatal. Several walkers pounded upon Lacey, and she let out a bloodcurdling scream as the walkers snatched upon her eagerly. They tore their teeth into her neck and her arm, shoulders and everywhere they could get their teeth of death into.

Beth screamed herself, and Lori saw with mounting horror that she couldn’t let go from Lacey. Whatever Lacey was going through right now, she still had the strength to hold onto Beth for dear life. The walkers were too busy feasting upon Lacey to notice, but Lori knew it was only a matter of time before Lacey dragged Beth to her death with her, too.

‘C’mon!’ Lori screamed as she went to grab Beth. But it was not as simple as simply grabbing the girl and breaking her free from the tight grip; Lacey still held on stubbornly as her screams died away, replaced by a gurgling noise that could only have been her death rattle as the walkers continued to dig their teeth into her.

_Fuck, Lori! Fuck!_

All thoughts of her hopes and fears, dreams and nightmares disappeared as Lori focused everything she had onto getting Beth away from Lacey’s hand, but it was not enough. It was like a twisted game of war, with Beth being the rope caught between Lori and the dead. With Beth screaming into her ear, Lori couldn’t help but notice that the walkers were beginning to lose interest in Lacey and were now after the two people in front of them.

_Fuck! Fuck!_

Still pulling at Beth, Lori let go of one hand and reached for her gun in her holster. Beth continued to scream as the walkers reached out for her, but Lori aimed with her gun and fired first at the walker nearest Beth, then at Lacey herself.

It was what was needed to win the struggle. Lacey’s hand let go of Beth almost instantly, and Beth fell to the ground. A second later and Lacey disappeared from sight completely, lost forever in the crowd of walkers.

_I had to do it! I had to!_

Lori quickly grabbed and pulled Beth up from her feet and made for the car.

*

‘Shit! What’s going on!’

Andrea aimed her gun out at the window, the screen rolled down as she fired one bullet after the other. As far as she could tell, she had hit most of her targets despite the sheer darkness and the motion of the car going around in circles.

But for every walker that had fallen to the ground, more seemed to have shown up. It was never ending, and Andrea saw with the way Morales and Patricia’s car was spinning around in circles that the plan to lure the herd away was a failure.

The farm was lost. Gone just like Dale was gone.

‘You mean the barn?’ Andrea asked as she fired another bullet and cursed as she none reached her target. _Stupid to do this when he’s driving, even if you have gotten most of them so far._

The barn had went up in flames, and Arnold in Dale’s RV had driven after it like a mad man possessed. Andrea could taste the smoke from here in the field, and they were closer to the house than they were to the barn. That was nothing compared to the salt in Andrea’s mouth over watching Dale’s RV get overturned and surrounded by the dead.

_Gone just like Dale is gone._

‘No,’ Theodore replied. He slammed the car to a brake, and Andrea found herself lurching forward slightly. She panicked, thinking the gun might accidentally go off. He pointed through the front window. ‘Look!’

Andrea looked, and she saw. The dead were at the house now, putting reality to Andrea’s thoughts about the farm being lost. She saw the car with the kids inside take off. But Andrea knew that wasn’t what Theodore was pointing at, she doubted he even saw it.

What he was pointing at was Carol. Carol who had somehow gotten herself lost and was now being pursued by the dead against the fence.

‘Drive!’ Andrea shouted. Looking in the wingmirror, Andrea saw a walker in doctor’s uniform approach the car and stumbling to his feet as their car took off. But she reloaded her gun as the truck neared Carol.

‘Keep the engine running,’ Andrea said.

‘No!’ Theodore snapped. ‘I’m going out there to get her.’

‘Don’t be stupid!’ Andrea snapped back. ‘You’re the driver, I’m the shooter. I’ll be out and I’ll get her back here to safety in seconds. Now quit arguing before it’s too late.’

Theodore wanted to protest; she knew that. And she didn’t quite blame him. But all she saw at the moment through the window was Carol backed up against a corner with not so much as a weapon in her hand, and the walkers were perilously close to her.

Now was not the time for arguments.

Theodore slammed the truck to a halt once again, and Andrea all but jumped out at first opportunity. A walker nearby snarled at her and reached out for her, but Andrea didn’t so much as blink as she fired a bullet between his eyes. It was a race against time, Andrea saw as Carol screamed. The walker in front of Carol reached his arms out towards her.

Andrea fired, and the walker went down. Carol had closed her eyes, but she opened them at the sound of the gunshot. Andrea marched forward and fired once and twice into the walkers that had also been near Carol.

Carol still backed up against the wall however, and she let out a shriek. ‘Look out!’

Andrea blinked for a second. _Shouldn’t I be telling her that?_ The sound of the walker’s moans was thunderous in her ears however, and she did as Carol told her and twired around with her gun in hand.

The walker in front of her was _huge_ , tall enough to be a giant. Andrea’s eyes widened as the tall walker went out to get her. All Andrea could smell was his breath; it was rank and tasted of death. But as she had been doing all night, she pulled the trigger and her bullet took its jaw clean off.

It did not stop the walker from falling on top of her, or even kill the walker altogether. The walker was on top of her, and Andrea _struggled_ to push him off as his weight pinned her down. Andrea let out a scream as the walker continued to grab at her, and she tried to inch herself back as far as she could in fear of his teeth marking her neck.

_Fuck, I can’t die like this. I can’t die like this. I can’t die like this._

Over and over again, she thought those thoughts like a mantra as she fought for her life, pushing and struggling and kicking and screaming against the walker. She heard rather than saw the other walkers fast approaching her, the next course in their menu.

_I can’t die like Amy. I won’t._

With a strength Andrea didn’t know she possessed, she managed to _push_ the walker to the side just as the walkers neared her. Quickly grabbing the gun she had dropped to the floor, she turned around and fired at the one in front before picking herself back up.

Off into the distance, she saw the car she had been in drive off with nary a pause for breath. Further in front was the car Morales and Patricia had been in, giving the farm up as a lost cause.

‘Guys!’ Andrea screamed. She tried to run after them but found herself blocked by the approaching hordes of walkers. She could see an unused car in the distance blocked by that same horde, almost as if it was taunting her much like the fire that was currently spreading from the barn.

_I’m fucked._

Andrea took a look around her and knew that to be true. She had been left behind, and she had no other option but to turn around and make a run for it.

And that is what she did.

*

All around him were the swarms of the dead.

Hershel kept on firing his shotgun, but he knew it was only a matter of time before he would run out of shells. He had four, maybe five boxes in his pocket when he went out to the field in the first place with every intention of taking out all of the walkers no matter their numbers.

Now he was down to his last number.

A walker snarled in front of him; a young girl. Hershel reckoned she must have been Beth’s age, maybe Billy’s. He pulled the trigger and took her head clean off.

‘With a donkey’s jawbone I have made donkeys of them,’ Hershel muttered as he took the opportunity to load another shell into his shotgun. ‘With a donkey’s jawbone I have killed a thousand men.’

He could see the fire from the distance, and knew his barn was lost. If the fire spread, it meant that his entire farm would be gone as well.

That thought spurred him on into a rage, and he fired his shotgun again at the walker closest to him. He had been a man in what might have once been a well-dressed suit; now it was just tattered robes damaged by the conditions it had been put through.

Not for the first time did he think of Shawn and his Annette, and how he had made the grave mistake of keeping them in the condition they had been.

_This is my punishment. My sin, for losing my farm is because of what I did to them._

Hershel shook his thoughts as he went to load another shell, only to realise that had been the last one. He felt like laughing then as the walkers seemed to approach him faster now that he had no weapons of any kind to defend himself with. He knew it was only a trick of the mind, they kept the same pace that they always had.

He heard a snarl from behind and felt the splatter of something _hot_ and sticky splash across the back of his head. Hershel instantly turned around, armed only with an empty shotgun that he would beat a walker to death if need be.

The walker that had come so close to killing him was dead on the ground. Above the walker was Rick, lowering his gun. Carl was behind him, and just behind them were Glenn and his Maggie.

‘Rick, Maggie,’ Hershel said. His heart soared at seeing his daughter, so caught up in the frenzy he had almost forgotten she had been missing. _Rick and Glenn were protecting her, they’ve always protected her. I should have seen that from the jump._

‘Where’s Lori and the rest?’ Rick asked. His voice was low, almost like a growl. Hershel looked at Maggie then and saw that she was crying, bubbles of snot from her nose and tears down her cheek. Glenn was comforting her as best as he could, but even here Hershel could see a sort of distance between them.

‘I don’t know, Rick,’ Hershel paid his full attention to Rick. ‘There’s just so many of them,’ he waved his hand to indicate the dead marching up their way from all directions.

Carl let out a whimper at his words. Rick quickly patted him on his shoulder, and he sought out the abandoned truck the group had left behind. ‘We’ll get in there, do you have the keys?’

‘I do,’ Hershel said as he took the keys and gave them to Rick. ‘But I’m not going anywhere, Rick.’

‘What?’ It had been Maggie who had spoken, her first words to him since their reunion. ‘What are you talking about?’

‘I need to defend my farm,’ Hershel said. _Isn’t it obvious? I can’t let Shawn and Annette down, or my father. Not again._ ‘I don’t intend to give this place up without a fight.’

‘Hershel, it’s already lost!’ Rick snapped. His voice lacked any patience. ‘You can see that, any blind man can see that.’

‘It’s not-,’ Hershel tried to protest, but he knew he was cutting no dice with any of them. Surprisingly, it was Glenn who was able to coax him out of his stubbornness. ‘You’ve already fought as well as you could,’ he said. He reached out to pat him on the shoulder. ‘It’s time to go.’

Hershel looked into the boy’s eyes and knew when he had been beaten. Hershel nodded, but he knew by agreeing that he was giving up a large part of what made him, _him._

The rest was a blur. All he could remember was Glenn and Maggie gently but urgently escorting him to the back of the truck, Rick behind the driver wheel with his son next to him. Maggie was sobbing her heart out, and Hershel knew before Glenn told him that he had lost another member of his family.

Sighing, he turned to face the back of the truck. Through the window he could see the barn’s structure collapsing completely in on itself, the fire a magnificent spectacle if not for all his hopes and dreams going up in smoke with it.

_My sin. My punishment._

**Day 77**

Andrea _ran._

It was all she could do. Leaves crunched underneath her shoes as she ran through the woods, the dead not far behind with their never ending moans of hunger and desire to catch her. Every now and again she would take a look behind her and saw that they were always in pursuit.

She looked now and saw that they were off in the distance. She knew she had time to catch her breath, if only for a couple of minutes. Her heart was on fire and her feet were killing her, so that is what she did. Sitting down on the field with her back against a tree, Andrea reloaded her gun in the way that Shane had taught her.

_I wonder what happened to him._

The thought of the others left a bitter taste in her mouth. She supposed that she could not blame them for leaving her, it had been a dangerous scenario that had swept throughout the farm like a violent storm. But knowing that they had managed to escape with their cars while she was out here, running like a bat from hell gave her no comfort.

A harsh snarl forced Andrea to turn around. One of the walkers, an elderly woman, was not far from her now. Andrea groaned and went to push herself up from the ground but found that she couldn’t. The couple of moments she had to relax had spoiled her, and she didn’t want to give that up for anything.

_C’mon, you can’t give up now! Just keep going!_

‘I’m tired,’ Andrea muttered as she pushed herself up. She didn’t run like she had been running throughout the night, instead swaggering forward in a walk that wouldn’t have been out of place for the town drunk. Every bone and joint screamed in pain as she carried on, her clothes sticking to her sweat. ‘So tired.’

The walker continued to snarl, closer to her now than she had been. Andrea cursed as she continued to stagger forward herself, knowing it was only a matter of time before a confrontation between the pair occurred.

With a tree in front of her, Andrea knew how to handle the confrontation before she did it. She got to the tree and walked around in a circle. She timed it so that the walker would follow her around the circle. If nothing else, Andrea could count on their stupidity and predictability.

Andrea circled the tree again and was now behind the walker. With all the might and strength she had left, Andrea pushed the monster down to the ground. Before she could give it a chance to retaliate in anyway, Andrea quickly pounced upon the walker and started to slam its head against the ground.

‘Just! Fucking! Die!’ Andrea screamed, vocalising her frustrations and fears. Walkers from behind only increased in their growls at her noise, but Andrea found she didn’t care.

_They’ve killed Amy. Dale’s been murdered. So many people have died, and it’s all because of these stupid fucking things._

The blood splattered against her face much like Randall’s had, and Andrea judged that it was dead based on the way the body went limb. Andrea cursed her stupidity after it was over, knowing she had exhausted whatever energy she had left. She turned around and saw that three walkers were approaching her now.

_This has to end at some point, it just has to._

Getting up from the ground, Andrea groaned at the effort of having to do so as she limped away. She had a stich in her foot now. _Just when things couldn’t go from bad to worse, they do._ The walker behind her was near her now, and Andrea knew her trick of circling around the tree wouldn’t work with this walker. Not with two just behind him.

Andrea reached for her gun, and she shot the walker just as he lunged at her. The bullet hit him point blank, and he went down effortlessly.

_One down, two to go._

Andrea went to aim her gun at the second walker, but he had been much faster and closer than Andrea had anticipated. His hands reached out and grabbed her gun in an attempt to get to her hands, and Andrea felt her fingers push the trigger by accident. A soft click followed the gun, but her bullet had only grazed the walker’s neck.

_Oh shit!_ Andrea had time to think before the walker pushed her to the ground, and the worst of it was Andrea let him. He pinned against her, doing his best to sink his teeth into her skin. Her hands grabbed onto shoulders and tried to push him back, and that was the only weapon she had left. Her gun had fallen somewhere amongst the chaos, not a single bullet left in the chamber.

_I’m going to die._

It was a surprisingly calm thought, Andrea felt. On the outside she was panicking, screaming in haggard breaths as she tried to push the monster off her, knowing that there was another walker about to join in at any second.

On the inside, she was at peace. She thought of Dale, who had been taken away from her before she could fully make up with him. She thought of Amy, who had been taken away from her long before her time should have been up. And she thought of her parents, who had probably died at some point in Florida not knowing what had become of their daughters.

_No._

Just as calm another voice joined her mind, and Andrea thought it suspiciously sounded like Dale. _You can’t just give up now! Not after everything you’ve been through to get here. Pull yourself up, Andrea! You can rest later._

Andrea gritted her teeth and she nodded, as if to show she was at one with her internal thoughts. Using what little strength she had left, Andrea roared and pushed the walker off her. Her first instinct was to go for the gun that had no bullets left for her.

She had no need of it in either case. One second the two walkers were in front of her, their jaws snapping as they reached out for her. The next they were down on the floor, their heads no longer attached to their bodies. Behind them a hooded figure approached, a sword in one hand and a chain in the other. The chain the figure held was attached to two walkers who seemed awfully docile, their lower jaw and arms had been removed.

Andrea blinked rapidly at the scene before her. _Is this happening? Or is this a dream?_

The figure lifted her hood slightly and smiled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, this was more or less pure action. I wanted to end the chapter with the group reuniting at the highway, but I figured this was a good place as any to finish it. Besides, it'll actually fit in well with what I intend to do in the next couple of chapters. 
> 
> Only consequence of my decision is I wanted Andrea to run from Night 76 to Night 77, but its a small change I can live with. She still ran throughout the night and into the day. And that to me is still the baddest thing anybody has ever done on the show, nobody can tell me otherwise.


	19. Day 77-210 (A)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for the late (late) update, I really am sorry for that. I hope you enjoy this chapter and I'll explain further in the notes below.

They passed the lanterns at the side of the road in stony silence, neither of the two daring to look behind at the home they had been forced to abandon.

_Or the people._

Carol sighed and wiped away a tear as she kept her gaze ahead, hearing the shaky breaths coming from Theodore besides her. She glanced at him briefly from the corner of her eye, and saw his knuckles tightening as he gripped onto the wheel hard.

‘What did we just do?’ Carol asked, the first words they had spoken since they had gotten into the truck. In front of her was the road leading to the highway and the fading light of the electric lanterns, no doubt a week or so away before being forever snuffed out by the darkness.

_Just like Andrea, and Dale. And Sophia._

For a moment that stretched onto eternity Carol feared Theodore would not answer her, and she knew she could not have borne that. They _needed_ to talk about it, they had to. Otherwise she would forever be left with the guilt of having left Andrea behind.

‘We survived,’ Theodore finally said. His voice was rough, but it had the tone of finality to it that Carol found she desperately needed. ‘Just don’t think about it, everything happened so fast.’

Carol found herself nodding, thinking of the events that had played out and playing them repeatedly like a film in her head. _Andrea gave up her life for me. I saw her go down when that monster got hold of her. I had no other choice but to run._

‘We survived,’ Carol agreed. Theodore grunted, and they resumed their journey in silence. The trees and lanterns passed by in a blur, and as was the norm her thoughts drifted back to the frustrating journey spent searching for her little girl. She did not know how many times she had spent walking through these same woods looking for a daughter who was already gone, but she knew with certainly that this would be the last time she would see them.

Up ahead the highway loomed, and Theodore made a turn for the right that blended the road from the woods to the highway seamlessly.

‘Where are we going?’ Carol asked.

‘The pileup,’ Theodore responded. He kept his eyes ahead, and it wasn’t long before they approached the long-abandoned cars and twisted metal. ‘I figured if anyone else got out of there alive, they would come straight here.’

‘It makes sense,’ Carol said. Theodore slowed the truck down as they neared the pileup before killing the engine. Carol opened the door handle and went to exit the truck, before realising Theodore was still staring ahead at a horizon only he could see.

‘Theodore?’ Carol asked. Theodore continued to look through the window, giving no recognition he had heard her. ‘Theodore?’ Carol repeated herself, and something in her voice must have given away her concern because Theodore turned his head to look at her.

Carol felt a loss for words as she truly looked at him. For the first time since she had met the man, she had never seen him look so defeated. Even after finding Sophia in the way they did, and she known that he had taken her death almost as hard as she did, he had never looked lost in the way he looked at her now.

‘What is it?’ Theodore asked.

Carol hesitated, but she pushed on. _I can’t keep putting my head down when it comes to things like this. Ed’s no longer here, I can stare the truth in the face and speak it now._ ‘You just look so defeated, Theodore. What is it?’

Theodore scoffed. ‘What do you mean what is it?’ His voice held an accusing tone. ‘We were just driven out of the farm by the whole lot of those things. We don’t know if anybody else made it out. And we both know for sure that Andrea didn’t.’

The mention of Andrea made Carol flinch, and she closed her eyes. _He’s right, what a stupid question to ask._

Theodore sighed. ‘I’m sorry,’ he said. He did not look at her as he said the apology.

‘No, I’m sorry,’ Carol said quietly. ‘I didn’t think. I’m barely wrapping my head around it all, I don’t think I’ve even processed what Andrea did for me.’ She swallowed, feeling suffocated in the truck. _Air. I need to get some air._

‘There’s no need for you to be sorry,’ Theodore said. ‘I was just being an arsehole, that’s all. I’m just worried about the rest of them, that’s all.’

Carol nodded. ‘Me too,’ she said. ‘But being cooped up in here isn’t going to do them any good. We should stand out and wait for them. And if any of the walkers come, at least we would be able to hear them before we see them.’

‘Yeah,’ Theodore said. ‘Let’s go.’

It was with his agreement to her words that saw the pair of them standing in the highway, the pileup behind them as they watched on anxiously in front of them, fighting off the slight nip in the air that caused them to shiver. There was a silence between them again, but this silence did not have the edge to it like the one in the car. It did however invite feelings of guilt and doubt.

‘I can’t believe they’re both gone,’ Carol finally said. ‘Dale and Andrea, I mean. He pulled her out of the CDC only for them to both die tonight.’ She folded her arms and shivered; an act she knew had nothing to do with the cold. ‘It was all for nothing.’

‘Not nothing,’ Theodore shook his head. ‘Andrea saved you, Carol. Don’t let her death be in vain.’

Carol looked at the road ahead and saw a flash of headlights coming fast their way, but beyond that sight she pictured the walker falling on top of Andrea. And the little cross that paid tribute to her Sophia, left behind forever with no one from that land to know who the cross was for. She suspected it was the same horizon Theodore had been playing out in his mind.

‘I won’t,’ she said with finality.

*

‘Did you see them?’

‘I didn’t,’ Patricia replied.

Morales cursed under his breath. It was lucky that they were even still alive for him to be asking the question. But the guilt was eating him alive, and he punched the window in frustration.

_Louis! Eliza! My god, how can I live with myself if something has happened to them?_

‘We need to stop,’ Morales said.

‘What?’ Patricia turned around to face him, eyes widened. But she did not stop the car as they started to pass the lanterns that were beginning to lose their shine. ‘We can’t, that would be suicide.’ As if to drive home her point, the horrifying moans of the dead could still be heard. Morales knew if he turned around he could see the silhouettes of them in the darkness, only visible in thanks to the burning inferno that had taken over the barn.

‘My kids are out there!’ Morales snapped. He saw Patricia hesitate but only slightly, but she pushed her foot down on the pedal and continued to drive.

‘Fuck this,’ Morales muttered. He pressed his hands against the handle and opened the door.

Patricia braked the car immediately and so suddenly that Morales lurched forward, using his hands to brace himself. The act took his breath away, and the door slammed shut again due to the force of the act. The noise of the dead continued to drone on behind them.

Patricia turned to look at him, and Morales saw that she was glaring at him. ‘What do you think you are doing?’ Patricia asked, her voice heated.

‘Going back for my kids,’ Morales said. ‘What do you think I’m doing? What kind of father just abandons his own kids like you want me to do?’ _Don’t you understand, Pat! I’ve seen the way you look at them. You can’t be so cold as to give up on them like the way you are acting now._

‘What you’re thinking of doing is insane. You can’t just run out there with nothing to defend yourself with, in the middle of the darkness at that!’

‘I’ve got this,’ Morales showed her the gun he had in his hands, his triumph card held in display. ‘It was me shooting those things while you drove, remember?’

Patricia shook her head violently. ‘And how many bullets do you have left in it, huh? Like I said Morales, it’s suicide. You are not doing any good to Louis and Eliza being dead.’

Morales went to argue, but the words stung like a bee. He opened his mouth, before thinking better of it. He thought of Miranda then, and how much he had missed her. Worse, how much the kids had missed her, no matter how brave Louis had pretended to be.

‘You’re right,’ Morales said weakly. He let out a shaky breath, and he started to cry. _They’re out there though! You can’t just give up!_

‘Look, Lori and Lacey would have gotten them,’ Patricia said. ‘They wouldn’t have left the children behind, don’t be so stupid as to think that. We just need to go somewhere where we can regroup and catch our breath. Do you know anywhere like that?’

‘The pileup,’ Morales answered at once. He could picture the highway in his mind, yet it also brought up memories of a young girl being chased away and ending up dead herself. _I can’t think like that, otherwise I’m going to lose my fucking mind!_ ‘The pileup at the highway, that’s where we would all go.’

‘Good,’ Patricia muttered. ‘We can’t stay here arguing, we need to get out of here.’

As if on cue a hand slammed violently against the window on Morales’ side, imprinting a bloody handprint before slamming its hand against the window. Morales jumped out of his skin as a walker missing his lower jaw continued to bang his hands against the window, trying to get at its prey. The saliva coming from its mouth poured down like a fountain. Patricia shrieked herself as she pressed her foot against the clutch, and the engine roared to the heavens as the car blasted away from the walker and the farm for good.

Heart racing, Morales pressed a hand against his head. Outside of their heavy breathing, not a word was spoken as they drove past the lanterns.

‘I’m sorry for being an arse,’ Morales finally said. His thoughts were adrift of Louis and Eliza, but he knew he needed to take his mind off of it. _Pat’s right, Lori and the rest of them would have seen to the kids and gotten them out. It’s stupid to think otherwise._

Another voice, cruel and distant from the hopeful and nearest one in his head piped up then. _And who is to say the walkers didn’t get to them, too? Just like they got to Miranda, and how you couldn’t do anything about that to save her._

‘It’s fine,’ Patricia said. Her voice was quiet, having lost its shrill. ‘You’re just worried, that’s all. I understand. I’m worried too.’

Shaking away the dark thoughts that wanted to occupy his mind, Morales nodded. ‘I’ve seen the way you are with them. You’re a natural.’

Patricia chuckled slightly, and her voice picked up that of a wistful tone. ‘Thank you for saying that. Me and Otis always wanted to have kids, but I guess it was never meant to be. The Greene family were more than enough for us I guess, until your Louis and Eliza came along that is.’

Morales smiled despite himself. ‘They’ve really took to you, you know? I can’t thank you enough for getting them to forgive me earlier on. I was so stupid with them, but you really got through to them.’

‘It’s nothing,’ Patricia said as she focused on the road above. They were approaching the highway now, and Patricia made the move to the right. ‘Really, I adore those kids Morales. And don’t be worrying about them. They will be fine; I can assure you of that.’

Morales sighed. ‘I really hope you are right, Pat.’

Soon enough the pileup loomed ahead in the distance with two figures in front.

*

Rick sped the truck away through the road, scattering the leaves away from the road and passing by the ever-fading lights of the lantern. His mind was occupied however of other matters, and a heavy silence outside of Maggie’s cries hung inside of the truck.

Looking at his rear view mirror, he saw that Hershel had not taken his eyes away from the fading sight of his home and the blaze of fire that he had set to the barn. Maggie was crying into Glenn’s shoulder, head burrowed so he could not see her face. Despite the awkward position Glenn was in, to his credit he did not shy away from the scenario. Instead he patted her on the back and was whispering words of comfort into her ear, words only Maggie would hear.

Rick took a chance look at Carl and had to conceal his look of shock when Carl turned to look at him. He did not look like a boy anymore, filled to the brim with the sort of innocence only a child could have.

He looked every inch of an adult in the look he was currently giving him, his innocence gone too soon.

_Of course not. He just had to kill the man he saw as an uncle tonight._

Thinking of Shane only darkened his thoughts of what his family had to go through that night but thinking of other things would only draw him back to Lori. _Where is she? Is she even alive?_ He knew she had to be, for he had seen no evidence fleeing from the farm that she hadn’t managed to escape with her life. All the cars barring one had been able to drive away from the place after all.

_But what if that was the one car she was meant to go in, and she couldn’t get to it in time? But surely Hershel would have said if he had seen something like that happen._

‘You okay?’ Rick asked. His voice did not crack, and for that he was grateful. He could not show his weaknesses at a time like this, especially not in front of his son who knew as well as he did whether his mother was alive or not. The only thing they had known for certainly was that Shane was no longer there with them. _Left forever behind in that field. The man I called brother._

Carl nodded. His skin was chalk white however, betraying his confirmation that he was okay. ‘I’m fine, dad,’ Carl replied in words moments later. ‘Where are we going?’

‘The highway,’ Rick answered. ‘It’s where the rest of the group would go, I’m sure of it. It’s the one place we all know.’

‘My family might not,’ Hershel spoke up for the first time. Rick looked in the mirror to see that Hershel was no longer looking behind, only forward. ‘We know the highway of course, but if any one of them was separated and alone it would not be the first place they think of.’

‘Nobody gets left behind,’ Rick said. ‘If one of us is missing, we will search for them. You don’t have to worry about that, Hershel.’

‘How?’ Hershel asked bluntly. ‘Look behind you, Rick.’ Rick did, and grimaced. It was hard to see the sheer numbers of the walkers in the darkness, but it was clear the walkers were emerging from the woods as much as they are emigrating from the farm. ‘They’re all going to catch up to us in no time at all. We’ll need to keep moving if we are going to survive.’

‘They’ll all be there,’ Glenn spoke up. ‘They have to be, right?’

‘My son won’t be there,’ Hershel pointed out. ‘Arnold is dead, isn’t he?’ He spoke as if he were talking about the weather, there was nothing accusing in his voice. Yet Rick could hear the weight behind the words and continued to drive, hoping to drive the conversation out.

‘Yes,’ Glenn said. It was all he could say, Rick knew. ‘He died getting us out of that barn.’

Hershel sighed; a shaky sort of sigh that made him sound older than his age. ‘I was such a fool in letting him go. I tried to stop him, but he wouldn’t listen to me.’ Rick noticed in the mirror that he was rubbing his eyes. ‘Such a fool,’ he muttered again.

‘I’m so sorry,’ Glenn said.

‘Don’t be, son,’ Hershel replied. ‘This is my fault, my mistake in not preparing my family for something like this sooner.’

Silence remained king once again as even Maggie’s sobs died out and the highway loomed ahead, and Rick made the turn to the right that would carry them on towards the pileup. Rick could not think of a word to say, a conversation to take their mind off the fears of their missing loved ones. He did not know whether he wanted that either, as dark thoughts circled around his mind and tried to drive him insane.

_It is what it is. You’ve just to get Lori and whatever is left of your group and keep moving forward, never backwards. It’s the only thing you can do._

Rick was relieved to see headlights in the distance as the pileup of abandoned cars, long dead bodies and twisted metal could finally be seen. _At least they did have the same idea, I can be grateful for that at least._

Rick slowed to a stop, and Carl was the first one out of the car as he raced ahead. Rick noticed a figure running towards him, and his heart skipped a beat when that figure emerged from the darkness and could be identified as Lori.

_She is alive, thank god she’s alive!_

His own joy at the sight was tainted slightly by the grim mood at the back of the truck, knowing that his family was still intact whereas Hershel had once again lost another son, Maggie another brother. _I can’t lose sight of that. Whatever Shane turned to in the end, at least I’ve still got my family by my side._

Getting out of the car, Rick staggered forwards. The shock of the evening was finally catching up to him he supposed, but it did not stop him from pushing forward to melt into the embrace of his family. Lori was crying happy tears and so was Carl; but Rick suspected the tears were the exact opposite of happiness.

_He killed his uncle Shane. We’re all going to have to live with that for the rest of our lives._

It was a sobering thought, made more the worse for looking around him and seeing who made it out of the farm alive. He first caught Theodore’s glance, who gave him a quick nod. Carol was besides him, paying attention more to Morales and Patricia embracing their children with the same love Lori was showering upon Rick and Carl.

Rick found his heart was not in it. He could only be reminded of the first time he had seen Lori and Carl again since he had awakened from the coma, the miracle of all miracles. He had been truly happy then, caught up in that blissful moment where only his family mattered, and they were his entire world.

But his thoughts right now were occupied with the rest of the world. Shane was dead, left behind in the field to rot forever. And looking around the group as he held onto Lori tightly and kissing her head, he could not find Andrea anywhere amongst the group. Arnold, he had known was gone, but the absence of Lacey was noticed as Billy, Beth and the twins rushed to a rather vacant looking Maggie and Hershel as they stepped from the truck. Glenn stood to the side, letting the family have their moment.

‘Andrea and Lacey?’ Rick asked Lori as he let go from the embrace. Lori did not need to press for details as to what he meant by saying their names.

Lori shook her head, and Rick saw that she made sure to avert her gaze from the Greene family. ‘Both gone,’ she said quietly. She stroked Carl’s hair as he clung onto her, and it took Rick a while to realise he was crying into her stomach. ‘Shh, Carl,’ Lori let go of Rick entirely as she focused her comforting words on her son, and it twisted like a knife to the heart when Rick realised she had no true idea of what had happened. ‘It’s okay, I’m here now.’

Rick head the sound of sobs, and he turned around to see tragedy unfold as Hershel simply collapsed to his knees as Beth sobbed, a chilling sound that tore right through him. Her tears long run dry, Maggie simply walked over to hug the twins. Glenn approached the patriarch of the family and pressed his hand to his shoulder, giving the man his space and allowing him to grieve. Patricia walked over immediately to offer her support; he saw.

Sighing, Rick turned to look back at his family. Lori was comforting Carl, but Rick knew that she was not getting through to him. The words might have helped, but Rick had a feeling the boy was never going to let up about what he did with Shane.

_I’ll need to tell her tonight, or the first chance I can get. I can’t let this kind of thing go unresolved. We were lucky, damn lucky to make it out of this. All three of us._

Rick saw that Theodore was approaching him now, and he looked at the man in anticipation. Whatever Theodore had to say, Rick knew he would intentionally or otherwise present him with a opportunity to get the group up and moving.

_We’ve got to keep moving forward, not backwards. We’ve lost the farm, but there will be other places out there. There has to be._

‘I’m glad you made it, man,’ Theodore said and he hugged Rick. Startled, Rick hugged the man back and gave him a thud to the back. ‘I’m glad you made it too,’ Rick replied.

Theodore nodded as he let go. ‘We found Randall,’ he said. ‘He was turned, Rick. No bite marks, no nothing.’

Rick felt a cold rush all over him as the group seemed to hush, taking a break from their grieving as they turned around to face the men. Theodore’s words seemed to have carried around the group, and now the only thing that mattered was how the conversation carried from there.

_Well Grimes, it’s what you wanted. An opportunity to get things going._

‘How did he die?’ Rick asked.

‘He was in a horrible condition, Rick. Really horrible. Me and Andrea… we found him without any nails man, he just looked so fucked up. About as bad as what those fucking Skull Warriors back in Atlanta did to people.’ Theodore stumbled over the mention of Andrea, Rick knew. _Another person gone, just like that._ But he could not stop to think about Andrea now, for what Theodore had to say about the state of Randall made him think of Shane. 

_He truly lost it then; there was no going back for him._ The idea of Shane being able to do _that_ to another person was incomprehensible with the boy Rick had grown up with, the boy who had become of the best damn police officers in Kings County and had been there for him through every milestone in his life. It was just as ridiculous as the idea of Shane attempting to harm his wife in a sexual way, but Rick knew that to be true too.

Rick sighed and closed his eyes. ‘It was Shane.’

‘What?’ Theodore was taken aback, indeed with the way a hush seemed to sweep throughout the rest of the group seemed to be taken aback too. Only Hershel did not seem entirely surprised as he held onto Glenn for support to get back up from his feet. Rick took not a chance to look at Lori in fear of catching Carl’s eye.

_I can’t drag him into this. It’s not fair, especially for a boy that age. My son._

‘Shane plotted it all out,’ Rick said. His voice came out as rough, broken as shattered glass. It did not sound remotely like him at all. ‘He had lost his mind a long time ago, he had been plotting to kill me. Dale, Randall; it was all him.’

Murmurs broke out as the group asked one question after the other, getting their fill of the revelations Rick was handing out. Rick felt like he owed it to them to give the bare bones of the truth, but he knew before he had the conversation he would not drag his family into it. Whatever happened between Shane and the Grimes family stayed between them.

‘But why?’ Carol asked. She almost seemed accusing in the way she looked at Rick. ‘Why would he try to kill you? What would he gain out of it?’

And that is why Rick turned around to face Carol and say, ‘it’s because he was jealous of me. I don’t know why; he has always been my brother.’ And it was true. No matter what Shane had turned into, he had been his brother for as long as he could remember. Blinking back tears, Rick pushed on. ‘But this thing changed him. It’s changed us all to be truthful. I think with the way I handled talking to Hershel, the barn; he just did not agree with any of the decisions I was making. I don’t know why he did what he did. But he gave me no option to kill him, it was either him or me.’

Silence hung over the group now, but Rick knew the matter was done. He did not expect much questioning about Shane truth be told, as he hadn’t won many friends over at his time with the group. And the ones he did like Andrea were no longer there.

It was Carl he was concerned for. Looking over to see that Carl had not removed himself from Lori’s embrace and was now crying harder than ever, and Lori was looking more concerned by the minute, Rick knew the matter would never be truly be over for his family.

‘Where should we go now?’ Maggie asked. It had been the first time she had spoken since she had gotten into the truck. Her voice was dry, almost dead like. She had let go of the twins who were in Patricia’s care and was indicating her head to the woods. ‘They’re catching up with us.’

Rick didn’t need to see to know that she was right, he heard the walkers as they emerged from the woods. They were indeed catching up to them, and it was time to put his new way of thinking into action.

‘We turn back,’ he said. Once again, he commanded the attention of the entire group. ‘Not to the farm, but we turn around back to where Atlanta is. Not to the city itself, but we don’t have time to move all these cars around to just go straight ahead to Fort Benning. We need to find somewhere else anyway, if that Dave was to be believed Benning is done and gone.’

‘You’ve got it, boss,’ Theodore said.

As the group immediately piled into their respective vehicles as the walkers emerged from the trees and made their presence seen, Rick chanced a look at the road they were going to travel on.

_This is going to be a long journey._

**Night 77**

Lori sat by Carl’s side as he drifted off to sleep, stroking a bang of hair away from his eye. _I’ll need to give him a haircut soon._ It was a silly thought to have considering they had no permanent roof over their head now, but it came to her all the same.

Sighing, Lori rubbed her eyes and looked across the room. Currently the group were cooped up in a small gas station store in the middle of nowhere, making do with what they had which was very little. They were all cramped up like the chickens in the coop, and Lori thought it an apt comparison that at the moment they were just as much prey as the chickens were.

The store itself had enough tin cans to last them a week, maybe two if they tightened the rations. Her stomach growled at the thought of that, and she almost instantly clutched her belly.

_It’s not fair to bring this baby into this world. What I told Rick is going to be true, I’m going to give birth in a ditch._

The tears came to her then, and she quickly rubbed at her eyes hard and furious. She must not cry, not now and not ever. She needed to be strong for the boy below her, finally sleeping after the hard night and day he had, that they all had. She did not even have the heart to give him into bother for sneaking off as he did, she was just glad that he was in front of her safe and sound.

She happened to catch Beth’s eye, who looked pale and lifeless. Beth only stared vacantly at her, before turning around and wrapping a blanket around herself and one of the twins. Lori turned quickly away to continue to watch her son.

_Lacey, my god. She was dead already though, I did the right thing. I needed to do it to save Beth, I don’t care if she doesn’t see that._

She did care however, for the stare Beth gave her cut into her in a way she did not expect. _I’m not a killer or anything, she was already dead. I put her out of her misery._ But she could still hear the gunshot ringing in her ears as she fired the trigger, the moans and screeches of the dead as they tore into living flesh.

_Stop it Lori! Get some air, you need it. You can’t keep thinking like this._

Turning around to Morales who had Louis and Eliza fast asleep on his knees, she asked quietly, ‘would you watch over Carl for a bit? I’m going to see Rick.’ Morales only nodded, and Lori nodded her head in thanks before getting up and stepping over a sleeping Theodore to get out of the gas station.

Rick was on first watch, the only one of them not inside the small gas station. He turned around at the sight of her approach and he smiled slightly, but Lori wasn’t fooled by how forced the smile was. Seeing that she wasn’t fooled, the smile dropped.

‘You okay?’ Rick asked.

‘I’m fine,’ Lori forced the words out, and she shivered despite herself. She missed the warmth of Maggie’s bedroom now more than ever and realised now that she had not appreciated enough in the way she should have. ‘I’m worried about Carl. He’s really taken Shane’s death hard.’

The word hung over the two of them like a knife. Lori knew she was testing waters, but she needed to know the complete truth from Rick about what had happened. Like the smile, she wasn’t fooled by the words he told either.

‘Yeah,’ Rick looked out into the open. Lori joined him in his glance, looking at the trees around them and the big stretch of road that really led to nowhere in particular. _How fast our lives can turn upside down._ ‘I’m not surprised, Lori. Shane was his uncle more or less since the moment he was born.’

‘Not in the end he wasn’t,’ Lori’s voice was as sharp as the knife she envisioned. ‘Not after what he did to me.’

‘No,’ Rick said. ‘But Carl doesn’t know that.’

 _Good._ Lori felt herself relax slightly. It was best Carl kept his innocence in whatever way he could, and no matter what she thought about Shane in the end, at least Carl wouldn’t have grown to feel afraid and hatred of the man in the way she had to endure his presence.

Silence seemed ready to settle over the pair of them, but Lori never allowed it. ‘What happened, Rick?’

Lori saw that Rick tensed, and she found her relaxation melting away like ice in the sun. _Whatever happened is not going to be easy to hear._

‘I’ll tell you what happened,’ Rick finally said. He turned around to face her. ‘You have a right to know. But I need to know what happened with you first, Lori. I’ve seen you all day, you haven’t been yourself. And I don’t think it’s got anything to do with losing the farm or Shane being dead.’

Lori closed her eyes and opened them again when all she could see was Lacey disappearing after a shot to the head. ‘It’s nothing,’ she said.

Rick looked at her in concern. ‘It’s not nothing, it’s never nothing. Talk to me Lori.’

Lori wiped away the tears as they came as the truth flooded out of her lips. ‘I had to shoot Lacey, Rick,’ she cried. ‘She was dragging Beth down with her, I had no choice. If I didn’t do it, Beth would have died too.’ She looked away and continued to bubble away. ‘I can’t get it out of my head.’

She cried in darkness, darkness which was replaced by heat by the warmth of Rick’s embrace. ‘You did what you had to do,’ he was whispering into her ear. She continued to cry, knowing a dam had been broken and there was no stopping the tears that had come flooding out.

_I don’t know if it’s because of Lacey, or because of knowing Shane is no longer here to torment me._

The reminder of Shane put a stop to her crying, and she sniffed as she let herself go from the embrace. ‘My turn, now,’ she said quietly. ‘I need to know what happened, Rick. I know there was more to it than you said.’

Rick looked down at her, he always towered over her. It used to comfort her, but now it only filled her with dread as she waited to hear the truth of what had happened to Shane.

‘Carl killed him,’ Rick said.

The words were like a sledgehammer to her gut. Lori felt the world spinning around her, and she found herself turning away from Rick to look at the store where her son was currently residing. From what she could tell, none of the others were looking out as far as she could see.

‘How?’ Her voice sounded alien to her ears, as if from a different person altogether.

‘Shane had gotten hold of me, he did lure me out,’ Rick sighed. ‘It was a close call. Carl shot him, and he came back. Just like Randall. What Jenner said was true, we are all infected.’

_I think I’m going to be sick._

And what little content of food she had eaten that day she did indeed puke out, and she felt Rick’s hand pat her back. ‘Let it out,’ his voice was shaky. Lori knew he was crying himself, feeling the pain of knowing what their son had done.

‘He’s just a boy!’ Lori found herself wailing as she turned around to face Rick. ‘Why did he have to be the one to do it!’

Rick seemed taken aback, and that only increased the anger she found inside herself. She grabbed onto it like a hungry man seized food and let it out. ‘Why did our son have to be the one to do it, my boy?!’ Her entire body shook with emotion, the sort she had never experienced before in her life.

_My boy, my Carl? Why? It shouldn’t have happened; it shouldn’t have happened this way._

She knew by the way Rick’s face clenched that he was angry himself. ‘Me? Why me, Lori? Why the fuck was he out there by himself in the first place, huh? After last time when he got himself shot, you really took your eye off him again? Even knowing Shane was out there you did that?!’

‘That’s not fair!’ Lori snapped. ‘I can’t be around him twenty-four seven, Rick.’

‘Neither can I,’ Rick snarled. ‘And yet you want to have a go at me for him shooting Shane, when if it hadn’t been for any of that I would have died out in that field! And Shane would have been free to do what he wanted to both you and our son, our baby?’

Lori shuddered. The cold in the air was a harsh and bitter, just like the exchange of words. And they had reached a standstill now, she knew. Whatever the next exchange of words was, it would be the difference between making them or breaking them.

_Fucking Shane. He’s dead and he’s still tearing us apart._

‘It just shouldn’t have been Carl,’ Lori said finally. ‘He’s going through a lot without having to kill somebody as well. You could have stopped that from happening. You knew how I felt about him being around guns at his age.’

Rick let out a laugh, but there was nothing humorous in the tone. ‘If you hadn’t slept with Shane when I was away Carl wouldn’t have been in that position in the first place.’

Lori felt as if she had been slapped in the face. _Then I guess we’re broken._

‘If that is how you feel,’ Lori told him coldly. She turned around and walked away back into the store, not daring to look back at Rick. Once again stepping over sleeping bodies, Lori made it back to her position in lying next to a sleeping Carl.

Looking at her son and drinking in the sight of him, Lori found herself silently weeping for all that she had lost and most of all, the loss of her son’s innocence.

**Day 89**

‘You see it?’

‘Yeah.’

Theodore removed his binoculars and shot a look at Rick. They were currently standing on a hill overlooking a motel, and the wintery season had gotten the pair of them shivering and breathing out cold air while wearing clothing suited for the season.

‘You think it’ll be perfect for us?’ Theodore asked.

Rick grimaced, and that told Theodore the answer before he answered him. ‘I think we should check it out,’ Rick said. ‘But it’s too open, too vulnerable. It might be good for the night if it weren’t for that herd the other day, I want to keep ahead of them as much as possible.’

Theodore nodded as he went to grab the machete from the ground. ‘Then let’s check it out.’

‘Let’s,’ Rick said as he grabbed his hatchet axe from the ground. There was a mean look to him, determined and hungry. His only focus was on the shabby motel they were now approaching, as if there were nothing else in the world.

_No surprise, with the way things are between him and Lori._

The frosty tension between Rick and Lori had not gone unnoticed by any of the group members, and it was reason enough for Theodore to go out hunting and scavenging as much as he could. For the life of him he did not know how they could have a domestic when it took everything just to keep moving forward and avoiding the walkers, but somehow the Grimes managed it.

And winter had finally arrived, just to add the icing to the cake. It had not snowed yet, and Theodore willed to God that it wouldn’t. But he expected it any day now.

Every day that passed, he missed the farm more and more.

They were at the motel grounds now, and Theodore’s eyes quickly caught on to the logo displayed up top of the reception centre. **Michelle’s Motel**. Whoever Michelle had been, her motel had long since gone to disarray. There were a couple of cars left to rust, and the leaves blown from the winds and nobody to sweep them up crunched underneath their boots.

The same crunching alerted possibly the only guest left. A snarl prompted Theodore to look up, his fingers tightening on the handle of the machete. A walker, a woman in a yellow faded dress, stumbled out of the reception. _Possibly Michelle?_

It made no difference. Theodore marched up to the walker and with a swing he struck the machete down and sliced into her head. Blood popped out of her head like champagne from a bottle, and he pulled the machete out with all his strength.

‘There could be more of them,’ Rick warned. ‘Keep an eye out.’

Theodore nodded, not needing to be told. But he figured Rick had told him out of habit. The Greene family were unused to the outside world, and the more experienced and veteran members had been teaching them the tricks and tips of how to get around in the world.

‘What do you think about Hershel and the rest of his family?’ Theodore asked. He did not take his eyes from the room Michelle stumbled out of, with the door left slightly ajar. He reached out hesitantly and with a kick of his boot the door opened fully. ‘How do you think they’re getting on?’

Rick was checking out the rest of the motel as he spoke, looking at all the doors to the rooms that once housed guests. ‘I think Hershel and Maggie are getting on fine. Maggie was always out on runs and Hershel was willing to go down with his farm. I’m not worried about them. Billy has potential, but the girls,’ Rick turned around to face Theodore. ‘Really, they’re just in the same boat as us. None of us are prepared for this.’

Theodore shook his head. ‘Nah, I guess you’re right.’ He took a hesitant step into the darkened room and cursed the fact he did not think to bring his flashlight.

‘Theodore!’ Rick’s voice cracked like a whip. Theodore instantly turned around like a child caught taking from the cookie jar. ‘Don’t be stupid,’ Rick muttered as he approached the room Theodore was about to enter. ‘You don’t know what’s in there.’

Theodore felt like blushing, but he only nodded. ‘Yeah, that was pretty dumb,’ he agreed.

‘I think it’s best if we don’t talk about anything that isn’t related to these runs,’ Rick said. ‘Not that I don’t enjoy your company, because I do. But you’re smarter than this.’

‘No, you’re right,’ Theodore said as he gave the reception room a weary glance. ‘But I reckon that’s where all the keys to get into those rooms. Surely there must be something here? We can’t afford to just give that up, not with the way things are back at camp.’ As if on cue, his stomach growled. Theodore felt the creeping familiar pangs of hunger strike through him. The tinned cans from the gas station had lasted roughly just under a week, and now they had been relying on berries that Hershel was able to identify as non-poisonous.

Rick sighed and rubbed his head. Theodore saw the bags under his eyes and knew the man wasn’t getting much sleep and figured his own face must have the same look. He could not remember the last time he had a good night’s sleep. 

‘I just don’t want to risk one of us getting bitten,’ Rick said. ‘But you’re right. Let’s just try and see if we can get through one of these doors, there’s bound to be one of them that is unlocked.’

They went door to door, pulling at the door handles to see if one of them would unlock. The motel itself was a two-story building, a set of stairs waited for them to go up and check the upstairs room. Every door so far had a little ticket on the handle with the message imprinted _vacant_ , flipping the card over revealed the _occupied_ message.

‘I’m getting ready to knock one of these doors down man,’ Theodore said as they walked up the stairs. Rick chuckled slightly, the first hint of warmth Theodore heard from him since the farm. ‘You and me both,’ Theodore heard him add under his breath.

On the upper floor they once again went door to door and stopped suddenly at one of the messages for room 205. _Occupied._ As ever when greeted with the certainly that there were walkers in another room, Theodore felt his heart go up in his mouth. Not out of fear from the walkers necessary, but rather from not knowing how an encounter with them might go.

‘I’m going to knock,’ Theodore said. ‘Be ready.’ And before he or Rick could change his mind, he knocked the door with three steady thuds.

Nothing responded. There was a moment of anticipation that seemed to drag for an eternity, but nothing in the room went to answer the door in whatever way they could. Theodore still had his doubts; past experience had shown him that didn’t mean things were what he thought they would be.

_The sooner we get something and go back to camp, the better._

‘We’re going in?’ Theodore asked Rick for assurance. Rick only nodded, and with sweaty palms Theodore opened the door slowly and noisily. Every inch the door moved a loud creak seemed to echo around the entire motel. If the occupant had not heard his knock, they certainly heard the door opening.

Going into the room and there was miraculously light in thanks to a window at the back with the curtains open, showering the new guests with a vision of a double bed that had the covers unwrapped. Besides the bed sat a small table with a book, and in front of the bed was a small television and a mini fridge at its side.

It was a sorry looking sight, but Theodore knew it would serve well in these trying times.

‘I’ll check the bathroom,’ Rick indicated towards the back room. ‘If nothing else, at least we’ve got those covers to bring back with us. That’ll keep the kids warm and one of us can get the blankets.’

Theodore snorted. ‘I can’t believe it’s come to this; you know?’

‘Me neither, man.’

The pair of them inched slowly but surely to the bathroom, although Theodore did not truly expect to find anybody or anything in the bathroom. If there was something living or unliving, they would have heard the commotion he had caused with the door.

Opening the door, Theodore screwed his face almost instantly at the smell that drifted over him. Both men smelled it before they saw the man in the bathtub, long dead with a bullet in the head. Maggots crawled around his body, nibbling at his skin. His skin was sunken, almost greyish. If the hole had left any doubt, the gun in his hand did not leave room for questioning that he had pulled the trigger upon himself.

‘You never get used to it,’ Theodore muttered.

Rick shook his head slightly. ‘No, you don’t,’ he said as he approached the body. ‘It’s a wonder he never let go of the gun when he killed himself.’ He picked up the gun and examined it, before nodding. ‘Still a couple of bullets left inside. Maybe we’ll get lucky and find some more inside one of the drawers at the table.’

Theodore only nodded, his eyes never leaving the body at the bathtub. _How fucked up is it that he’s done this?_ For the first time in a while he thought of Jacqui, and her reasoning for staying behind at the CDC. _‘I’m not going to end up like Jim or Amy._ Theodore felt shame flooding through him for having forgotten, if only for a time.

‘On my way to Atlanta,’ Rick’s voice almost caused Theodore to jump, so caught up in thinking about memories. ‘I came across this couple at a farm. They had did something similar, both of them. They painted the wall asking for God to forgive them.’

Theodore could not help but shudder. ‘What a horrifying image,’ he tried to force out a laugh, but none came.

‘Yeah,’ Rick lingered his eyes upon the guy. ‘I can see why it would be easy, doing this. I can see why Jenner stayed behind at the CDC, now we know for sure that he was telling the truth about everybody being infected. This fucking world doesn’t get any easier.’

‘It never did,’ Theodore replied. He thought of the injustice his sister and their family faced over her death, and he felt anger course through him. ‘And it’s why I didn’t want us to go down with Jenner either. It changes nothing. We’ve just to pack up our baggage and keep moving.’

‘It’s what I keep telling myself,’ Rick admitted. ‘Just keep on moving forwards.’

Theodore leaned against the wall. He bit his lip. _Fuck it. We’re both adults._ ‘What about Lori, then?’

With the way Rick tensed, Theodore knew he had stepped over the line. But the tension at the camp was unbearable enough that Theodore wasn’t willing to just let it go like a drop in the ocean. ‘Look man, I mean no offence. I don’t want to pry, believe me. But with the way things are between you, everybody has noticed. I’m just worried about you, that’s all. And I worry it’ll fuck up the group too. We need to focus on surviving right now, nothing else matters.’

Theodore looked away, feeling awkward after his outburst. But he stood by his stance; it did need to be said.

‘Things aren’t good,’ Rick said, which was Theodore’s cue to turn around and look at him. ‘Not good at all, Theodore. I’ve fucked it up with Lori, said some things I shouldn’t have said.’

Theodore let out a silent sigh of relief that Rick didn’t meet his outburst with another; he did not want to be getting into an argument in the current location that they were in. ‘Then why don’t you just apologise, man?’ Theodore asked. ‘It’s better to just let go and keep on moving, you said it yourself.’

‘I did,’ Rick admitted. ‘But things are more complicated than that. Carl is involved in it too, and it’s for his sake is why I’m not going to get into it with you Theodore. Me and Lori will work it out when I get us somewhere safe, but that’s the priority right now. Getting us somewhere safe.’

‘Fair enough,’ Theodore said. He took one last look at the man in the bathtub, before walking back into the bedroom and going to the table. He opened the drawer and saw that there was indeed a box of bullets left inside. ‘We’ve won the lottery Rick, he did have a box.’

‘Good,’ Rick said as he stepped out of the bathroom. ‘Let’s get out of here and get that flashlight, we might bring Glenn _and_ Maggie. I was thinking we could be doing with more of these covers now that winter is here.’

A movement from afar in the window caught Theodore’s eye, and he marched forward to see. ‘Shit, I don’t think we’ll be going back here anytime soon.’

From the woods behind the motel a lone walker stepped out, missing an arm and shambling forward with no destination in mind as they all did. But another walker hidden from the trees also stepped into view, and then another and another.

‘The herd,’ Rick breathed out as he stood next to Theodore. ‘Grab the covers, we’re out of here.’

Theodore did as he was told, but not before giving the door to the bathroom a lingering look before leaving the motel behind for good.

**Day 124**

‘This supermarket has probably been picked clean.’

It was the first thing he said as they looked at the Walmart, looming ahead like a fortress in the abandoned car park. Not a single car had been left behind, which was strange to Billy. _All we’ve seen is abandoned cars at every place, why is this place so different?_

‘No, Billy,’ Glenn said. It was amusing at first to see Glenn in a big parker coat, he looked tiny and lost wearing the jacket. But the heavy snow that had fallen the other day had given Billy no choice to wear his own parker coat, also too oversized for his comfort. But better oversized than wearing nothing at all is what his father had told him when he caught him complaining, and he was grateful for what little warmth it provided in the harsh winter. He had never felt such cold before. ‘One thing I learned in Atlanta is that there is always something left behind that can be of use.’

‘Better listen to the teacher, Billy,’ Maggie said with a small smile. _Typical Maggie, whose coat fits her just perfectly._ ‘He knows what he is talking about.’

Billy only chittered his teeth as the wind battered against him. ‘Then can we just get in and find what we’re looking for? If nothing else than to keep warm.’

‘Sure,’ Maggie nodded and just like that the three of them walked across the car park, the Walmart getting closer with every step they took.

Billy tucked in his arms, trying to resist shivering as the snow crunched underneath his shoes. It had stopped snowing; he was thankful for that. More than anything in the world he missed his warm bed, tucked underneath the covers with the heating on.

_I just want to go back home. I wish I could wake up from this nightmare any minute._

The past couple of months had been hellish for Billy, putting it mildly. It had truly felt like the group as a whole was getting nowhere, scavenging from sorry looking places and always being on the run with the dead not far behind him. And that wasn’t taking other matters into consideration.

Such as the loss of two more family members.

Billy closed his eyes in remembrance of Arnold and Lacey, trying to picture them in his mind. It chilled him to the bone more than any winter could that their faces were already fading from memory, much like Shawn’s and his mother’s. _How the fuck can I remember my bedroom more than my own brother and sister?_

It was a thought he kept having repeatedly as he tried to sleep cramped in small trucks, huddled underneath moth eaten blankets and trying not to be jealous of Rachel and Susie for having proper bed covers to keep themselves warm.

_Your dad is right, Billy. You’re just a selfish little boy at your core. Always have been, always will be._

‘We’re here,’ Glenn said. The three of them now stood in front of the glass doors. One of the doors had been boarded up with wooden planks, a sign that caused Glenn to frown slightly. Billy did not miss the frown and neither did Maggie.

‘Something to worry about?’ Maggie asked.

‘I don’t know,’ Glenn admitted. ‘It could have been before the outbreak. But if somebody is taking shelter here, I could see why they would board up the glass. Don’t want a walker to get in so put up a board to stop it.’

‘Wouldn’t the glass break though?’ Billy pointed out. He looked at the other doors and screwed his face in concentration. ‘If a whole lot of those fuckers came here glass wouldn’t stop them, and neither would a stupid little board.’

‘Language, Billy,’ Maggie chided. Billy felt a snarky response build up in his throat, but it died before it escaped his mouth. He was too cold to be offended at her hypocrisy.

‘You’re right,’ Glenn said. ‘That happened back in Atlanta too. Granted I wasn’t around to see the glass break, but it makes sense. Only so much pressure can you put on glass.’

‘Can we get in then?’ Maggie asked. ‘I don’t want to freeze to death here.’

‘Sure,’ Glenn reached out with his gloves and pulled the handle. The door remained stubbornly shut. ‘I think it’s frozen,’ Glenn pointed out. ‘Billy, give me a hand with this.’

And so it was that Billy reached out with his own gloves and with Glenn both men pulled at the door, each panting in frustration. Billy started having doubts that it wasn’t just locked, but Glenn turned out to be correct after all. The door opened with a _clink_ , and the three of them could enter.

A little bell rang to announce their arrival, making Billy jump. He looked up at the bell in question, held together by string and rope. The rope knocked down a couple of cans.

‘Stay alert,’ Glenn warned. His face was no longer joyful the way it could be when he was having a joke, he was now more alert and dangerous. Billy had noticed the past few times when he went on a run with Glenn that he had two sides to him, and he would transform into either side almost instantly depending on the situation.

It was his look that made Billy more alert than the words, making him clutch onto his metal pipe that he used as a weapon. Maggie also raised her own machete, Glenn had his pistol.

The three of them walked forward slowly, looking around at the supermarket. The Walmart was not the biggest supermarket Billy had ever been to, but it was perhaps the emptiest. Almost everything had been taken away from the store, leaving nothing behind but rotting fruit and forever abandoned racks and trolleys.

‘There’s nothing here,’ Billy said. His voice was louder than intended, and it echoed around the store. Glenn hissed at him to be quiet, and Billy muttered an apology.

The three continued walking, clutching onto their weapons and looking over the racks. Indeed, there was nothing there that could be of any use. Billy felt a longing when they explored the electronic aisle, and saw that a couple of DVD’s, CD’s and video games that had been left behind and gathering dust.

_What I would do to play one of these things again._

Before too long, they had explored every inch of the supermarket barring the chills. Billy had felt at edge from the first in thanks to the bell, but as the search dragged on and they neared the end of their scavenging, he began to feel more at ease.

‘I don’t think anybody is here,’ Billy whispered. He did not want to piss off Glenn again. He liked the guy, even if he was sickly in love with Maggie. But he was good for her too. ‘And I think we’ve searched this place from top to bottom.’

‘We haven’t checked the stock area yet,’ Maggie pointed out. ‘That could still have something.’

‘It could,’ Glenn agreed. ‘But I think Billy is right with there being nobody here. If there was somebody here, they’ve probably been gone a long time now.’

‘Do not forget about Randall,’ Maggie said sharply. ‘His group were traveling in this area, remember? They could be anywhere, or another group like them. I say we remain on our guard, at least until we’re out of here.’

‘You’re probably right, sis,’ Billy said. ‘But this is the warmest I’ve felt in weeks!’ It was true, even if he was still as cold as a frozen bath it was far preferable to the winter outside. ‘I wouldn’t mind just waiting here for half an hour or so, after we check the stock area.’

Glenn shook his head. ‘No, Maggie is right. Better we get in here and out. It’s not just the idea of a group being out there waiting for us, Billy. Our own group need us. You’ve seen how sickly Lori has been getting lately.’

‘Yeah, I guess,’ Billy muttered. _Well, I’ll try and appreciate being warm here as much as I can before going back out to that wasteland._

The three of them walked to the back room of the store, although Billy noted that there was no longer a cautious creep along from any of the three of them. _They probably did agree with me deep down that there is nobody here, they just like making me feel stupid. Always the same._

Shaking his head, Billy reached out to the handle of the door before the door slammed forward in thanks to the force of somebody pushing through. Being nearer to the door, Billy found the wind taken out of him as he felt the impact of the door hitting him, and he was flat on his back before he knew it.

Moments before he could comprehend what was going on, he instinctively rolled to his side as a wooden axe came crashing down to the floor. Wielding the axe was a muscular man with a wild look to his face, and he grunted as he missed his target.

‘Get the fuck away from here!’ The man shouted. Billy, his heart racing, quickly backed away as the man pulled the axe from the floor and started to stride forward.

‘Hey!’ Glenn shouted, raising his gun. ‘Get away from him!’

The man turned around with his axe, only having vision for Billy and not realising that he had company with him. Despite the fear that overwhelmed him, Billy saw his opportunity and quickly jumped on top of the man, his pipe left scattered to the floor and untouched.

Billy quickly started slapping his hands at the man’s head, using everything he had at his disposal to get out of the situation that was quickly spiralling out of control. The man cursed at first, but it took no effort for him to throw Billy to the side. Billy fell on an empty rack and his world exploded in pain, but he reckoned that for the man it took no more effort than swatting a harmless fly.

‘Enough!’ An older woman’s shrill voice broke out, and a gun fired. Billy looked up just in time to see Maggie quickly duck down as the bullet missed her by inches as a grey-haired woman came out with a gun. The old woman fired again and Billy’s heart was in his mouth as the bullet once again missed and hit the floor. Maggie quickly scrambled backwards; her machete dropped on the floor much like his pipe.

It seemed like time froze as the old woman aimed her gun, and Billy knew that the old woman had Maggie in her sights. The man with the axe had stopped in pursuit, as much a member of the audience as Billy to witness the death of his sister.

The gun fired, and Billy yelled out. What he yelled out he could not say, his world had become a raging void of silence.

Maggie quickly pushed herself up, and just then another gunshot broke Billy out of his trance from the strange, silent world in which he thought he had lost everything. Turning around, Billy saw with the man with the axe bubble out blood as a red stain increased in size in seconds before falling to the floor.

The axe clattered on the floor, a roaring noise in the supermarket once thought empty by Billy. The axe fell next to the older woman who hadn’t pulled the trigger in time to shoot Maggie.

Billy turned around in disbelief to see Glenn standing there, gun shaking in hand as he stared at his handywork. It took only seconds for both the man and woman to die, not far from one another.

‘Glenn,’ Maggie whispered. She approached Glenn, who only had eyes for the people he shot and killed. ‘Glenn, it’s me. It’s Maggie. I’m here.’

_Holy fucking fuck, what the fuck just happened!_

Billy turned around and puked what little contents he had left from his stomach, the image of the blood bubbling out of the man’s mouth very vivid in his mind. _I get the feeling I will remember that face longer than I will remember Arnold and Lacey’s faces._

‘Maggie,’ Glenn was saying now. He dropped the gun with a clatter, and he instantly reached out to hug Maggie. The pair of them hugged, neither seemingly willing to let go from the other.

Billy shivered. He had never felt so cold. 

**Day 151**

‘Hey.’

‘Hey,’ Patricia smiled before taking a sip out of her bottled water. The pack of water bottles Theodore and Billy had found on a run had been a miracle, and she savoured every sip that went into her mouth.

_It’ll always be better than boiled water. A pity it’s not cold, cold. The way I used to love it._

But she knew she had no room to complain. They had made it through the worst of the winter, and now they were camped out in the middle of the woods with only a slight chill in the air. The snow had long since melted, and Patricia could have sworn that they were now in the new year.

_And what a year the last was._

‘I take it you’ve noticed,’ Carol was saying now as she sat down next to Patricia. They were at the edge of camp, testing the string cans that would alert them if any walker should happen to stumble upon them. It was hellish setting it all up in the first place, but Patricia knew it had to be done.

‘Lori?’ Patricia asked before turning her head around to look for the person in question. She could see her off at the distance, emerging from one of the few tents they had been able to keep hold of. She was carrying a pile of blankets.

And looking very much pregnant.

‘It’s hard not to,’ Patricia said as she turned her attention back to the tins. They were tied to the trees perfectly. ‘You have any idea that she was pregnant?’

‘None,’ Carol shook her head. ‘None at all. She never said anything to me.’

Patricia looked down upon her bottle of water. _Pregnant. How could she be so stupid?_ It was not a kind thought to have, Patricia knew, and she felt guilt wash all over her instantly. She did not know how long since society had fallen, but she supposed that the time lined up for Lori to have possibly fallen pregnant before the first walker emerged.

Regardless of when she had gotten pregnant, the fact remained that she _was._ And considering their situation of always being on the move, never knowing if that night they would find shelter and doing their best to hide from the walkers that were always on the move, Patricia felt fear as well as guilt as she considered the possibility of adding a baby into the mix.

_A crying, squalling baby that would only attract attention. Or a baby that could fall ill and there would be nothing we could do about it. We can barely feed the kids that we have._

‘It’s not going to be easy,’ Patricia said as she went to stand up. Carol stood up besides her. ‘She’ll know that herself.’

‘Not at all,’ Carol agreed. ‘But nothing about this has been easy.’

‘What isn’t going to be easy?’

Despite herself Patricia flinched, and she turned around instantly. Maggie was arching her eyebrows and looking at the pair of them curiously. Maggie looked pale, the bags under her eyes sunken in. Withdrawn is the word Patricia would use if asked.

It made Patricia feel concern as well as guilt and fear consume her heart.

_She hasn’t been the same since that run she, Glenn and Billy did. None of the three of them have been._

‘Lori,’ Carol answered Maggie. ‘I’m sure you noticed.’

‘I did,’ Maggie said. ‘I’ve known for a while.’

‘What?’ Patricia could hear the surprise in her own voice. ‘How could you have known; did she tell you?’

‘Sort of,’ Maggie frowned. ‘I went and got her a pregnancy test back at the farm. Figured it was none of my business to tell anybody else, it’s rude to gossip about something like that.’

Carol blushed and shook her head. ‘I didn’t mean it like that. I’m just worried about her, and the baby of course.’

‘Oh,’ is all Maggie said. ‘Sorry. I just took it the wrong way.’

‘It’s fine, Maggie,’ Patricia said. She reached out and patted Maggie’s shoulder. ‘Are you okay, darling? You don’t look well at all. I think you should stick this run out, let Theodore step in for you. You do too much already.’

‘No,’ Maggie shook her head. ‘I need to do it. Me and Glenn saw the town yesterday, we scouted out the area. We are more familiar with it than anybody else. It has to be us.’

‘If you’re sure,’ Patricia offered her a small smile. ‘Stay safe.’

‘You too,’ Maggie replied, and just like that she was off. Patricia watched her go as she approached Glenn, who had been in conversation with Rick before breaking off as Maggie joined them. Like Maggie he looked very much pale and withdrawn, not at all like the joyful and slightly awkward man he had been at the farm.

‘Do you think we should talk to Lori?’ Carol asked. She was looking at the tent which Lori had just entered. Moments later Carl had stepped out and stomped over to the centre of the camp, where Louis, Eliza, Rachel and Susie had been sitting around the log fire. Carl himself had also been quiet and sullen since the fall of the farm, and Patricia suspected it was tied with the collapse of Rick and Lori’s marriage.

 _This world is taking a toll on us all._ Not for the first time, Patricia found herself missing Otis.

‘We should,’ Patricia sighed. ‘It’s going to be an elephant in the room if we don’t talk about it. We need to see our options.’

And just like that the two women were walking towards the tent. Patricia said her hellos to the kids, and she risked a look further to the camp. Beth was currently sitting on a fallen tree branch, scribbling some entry into her diary. She happened to catch her looking, and the girl smiled at her briefly.

 _At least not all of us have lost our spirits._ Patricia found herself smiling back, before entering the tent.

Lori was lying to her side with her back to the entry of the tent, but she turned around when she realised, she had company. ‘I take it you’ve come to see me about this,’ Lori indicated her bump and let out a bitter chuckle. ‘Guess I was foolish in hoping I wouldn’t have had a bump this pregnancy. I’ve read that has happened to some women before.’

‘Josephine hardly showed with Maggie,’ Patricia answered. ‘We used to joke that she was only pretending.’

Lori smiled. ‘If only I was pretending too.’

‘Oh, Lori,’ Carol said as she walked over to Lori and hugged her. ‘How are you feeling?’

Lori shook her head, her eyes shining like coins. ‘Considering my husband cannot stand me and my son seems to be growing more distant by the day, I guess I’m doing the best you can expect. That’s not even getting into the rest of it.’

Patricia sat down on the other side of Lori. Even with the surface of the tent and the blanket Lori had been lying on, Patricia could feel the hard surface of outside. The flimsy tent did not do anything to add to anybody’s comfort; only providing roof shelter. It was easier to focus on details like that, Patricia found. She did not know how she could respond to Lori.

‘You know Carl wants to go on runs, and Rick is considering it,’ Lori let out another laugh that held no soul to it. ‘My baby boy going out there with a gun in hand, up against a world of those things. Tell me Patricia, would Hershel let his youngest kids do that? Would Morales?’

Patricia felt her throat close up. _No, no they wouldn’t._ But she knew it was different between Rick and Carl somehow. Rick had been a police officer before the apocalypse, and despite his sullenness Carl seemed to be far older than his years compared to his other peers. He was the only one who did not complain about the lack of food, or the lack of a roof over their head when it came down to it.

He just got on with the day, as most of the adults did.

‘They wouldn’t,’ Lori answered for her. She rubbed her eyes, and Patricia was not surprised to see she looked exhausted. They all did, but Lori had perhaps the biggest burden of them all. ‘And I can’t even really worry about that, because I’ve got bigger problems with this baby inside of me.’

‘We’ll get through it, Lori,’ Carol piped up. She reached out and patted Lori’s back. ‘Hershel knows some medical things, he’s worked with animals before. Remember that he fixed Carl right up. He’ll help you. Right Patricia?’

‘Right,’ Patricia grabbed onto Carol’s word of optimism eagerly. It was not a feeling she was experiencing at the moment regarding the situation, and she didn’t think Carol did either. But it was better to fake it to make Lori feel better. ‘Hershel knows all sorts, remember he’s seen seven pregnancies. All of them were homebirths.’

‘I had a c-section with Carl, you know?’ Lori confessed. ‘I don’t know if Hershel will be able to do anything for me or the baby if I need to go through that again.’

‘Oh, Lori,’ Patricia said. ‘You can’t think like that. We’ll cross that bridge when it comes down to it. But you’re putting too much stress on yourself thinking things like this. That can’t be good for you or the baby.’

Lori shrugged her shoulders. ‘I guess not. But even if me and the baby make it, what then? We can’t live the way we’re living. You know it and I know it that the baby will just alert every walker from miles when he cries. We’ll be a burden.’

‘You wo-,’ Patricia was cut off by Lori raising her hand. ‘Please, don’t feed me lies Patricia. Or you Carol. I know you are trying to make me feel better. I appreciate it more than you know. But I really need to be left alone. Please.’

Silence followed her statement, but Patricia found herself nodding. Both her and Carol stepped out of the tent as Lori turned around, once again her back to the entrance of the camp.

Patricia and Carol shared a look, and Patricia suspected that they both shared the same thought.

_This isn’t going to end well._

**Night 184**

Maggie had drifted off to sleep in the mattress, snoring softly. Glenn remained looking at the ceiling, the first room with a roof they had in a week.

He was soaked in sweat, the mattress no doubt stained from his sweat too. It didn’t matter. The mattress, like many items that they once had taken for granted and were now as rare as gold dust for them all to enjoy, would soon be left behind to never be used again.

Currently they were in an estate house in the middle of nowhere, with enough rooms that Glenn and Maggie having a room to themselves did not mean that somebody would have to go without. It was a rare event indeed, but for Glenn it did not matter.

All that mattered was the old woman that he had taken the life from, and the man who held the axe.

With the moon shining through the window, Glenn could make out the ceiling through the light it provided. If he could squint, he could see dampness from the corner. The house needed fixing, but that didn’t matter either. The owners were long gone, and Glenn knew that this house would not be a permanent stay.

The herd was only a day or so behind them, after all.

‘Glenn,’ Maggie murmured. Glenn turned around and saw that she was very much awake. He could have sworn that she would have been out for the night. She pushed herself up so she towered over him. ‘You need to get some sleep.’

Glenn tried to smile, but it was forced. ‘I should be the one telling you that. It was a long day for you.’

Maggie shook her head. ‘Nothing we couldn’t handle.’ She touched him lightly on the shoulder before letting him go. The pair sat there on the bed with the shine of the moonlight upon them, a familiar silence creeping upon them.

‘Did Carl do okay?’ Glenn asked.

‘Yeah,’ Maggie said. ‘Rick kept his eye on him, but he took down two walkers.’

‘Good,’ Glenn said. He hesitated before saying, ‘do you think Rachel and Susie would be up for something like that?’

Maggie gave him _that_ look, a look that Glenn knew he had put his foot in his mouth. ‘You know my dad wouldn’t let them,’ Maggie said. ‘They’re too young is what he says, and I do agree with him Glenn. I still see them as babies. Carl is still a baby. It doesn’t feel right to me with him, but I know we have little choice.’

‘This world forces you to grow up,’ Glenn said. Instead of the bedroom he found himself back at the supermarket, with the blood spilling onto the cool surface floor besides the old woman with the gun and the man with the axe.

‘Hey,’ Maggie’s voice is what it took to bring Glenn back to his present. He blinked twice as Maggie forced him to look into her eyes. _Green eyes, the most beautiful eyes I’ve ever seen._ ‘Are you okay, Glenn?’

‘Of course,’ was his automatic reply, but Glenn found himself bracing for the next part of the conversation. _She’s going to bring it up, I know she is._ ‘Why wouldn’t I be?’

‘Because you’ve been distant for a while,’ Maggie replied. Not being one to mince her words, she pushed on. ‘I’ve noticed it Glenn. We all have. You tend to just stare sometimes, as if you are looking at something only you can see.’

Glenn averted his eyes from her, focusing on a lamp on top of a chest of drawers. _I can’t tell her, I can’t._

‘Glenn, you can’t hide from this,’ Maggie continued saying. ‘I know it’s because of what happened at the supermarket. You can’t blame yourself for that, you did what you had to do. I know it must have been hard, I couldn’t imagine taking somebody’s life. But you did it, because it was either them or me and Billy. They would have killed us. You have nothing to feel guilty about.’

To his horror, Glenn’s vision blurred with tears. He blinked them away. ‘I can’t stop thinking about it,’ he said in a harsh whisper. ‘I keep seeing the blood, Maggie.’

Maggie sighed and wrapped him around in a hug, forcing him to look away from the lamp. ‘It’s okay,’ she was whispering. ‘I see it too. It’s only normal, I think.’

‘But it shouldn’t be,’ Glenn said. He unwrapped himself from the hug. ‘It’s like you said. Those arseholes tried to kill you, kill Billy. I shouldn’t feel guilt over that. I should be happy they are dead, that I stopped them before it was too late. Yet here I am, feeling guilty over stopping that.’

‘It’s because you are a good person, Glenn,’ Maggie said. She reached out again and held him by the shoulders, looking into his eyes. ‘They weren’t good people. They wouldn’t have felt remorse for what they were about to do. You do because you are good. That is the difference between them and you.’

Glenn felt a surge of hope rise within him, and he knew he _ached_ to believe her. ‘I want to believe you,’ Glenn whispered. ‘I do. But I wanted to kill Randall when we all thought he was the one who killed Dale. If he had been in front of me at any point, I would have killed him.’

Saying the words made Glenn shudder as it took him back to that dreadful night, and not for the first time he missed the presence of Dale more than he could say in words.

_This world. It’s all fucked up. People running about and killing others just because they want to, and we’re letting little kids go on supply runs now. What kind of world is this?_

‘Glenn,’ Maggie said. ‘That’s normal, too. And you remember those people. I still remember Arnold in that RV. It’s the first thing I see when I awake and the last thing I see when I go to bed. You helped me with that.’ She hesitated. ‘This probably isn’t the best time to say this, Glenn. But I love you.’

The words forced Glenn to a stop with his thoughts on what to say to comfort Maggie about Arnold, and all he could do was look at the woman he loved before him. ‘What?’

‘I love you,’ Maggie repeated. ‘I know I should have said it before back at that night, but you need to hear this now. I love you. And I don’t blame you or think you are a bad person for killing them, and I’ll be here for you whenever you feel guilty about it. I would do anything to take that pain away from you.’

She reached out and kissed him once, twice. She pressed back and looked vulnerable, almost shy as she anticipated his response.

It was a look Glenn had never seen from Maggie before, but he knew he needed to return the favour. ‘You’ve known I’ve loved you since the farm,’ he said. It came out as a croak, but he did not care. ‘And for as long as I live, I’ll always love you.’

He reached out and kissed her, and she kissed back. And in seconds all he could see and feel was Maggie, memories of supermarkets and bloods fading away and disappearing from his mind for the first time in months.

**Day 193**

‘Look at that.’

Hershel drew to a stop as he turned around, gun in hand to see what had attracted Theodore’s attention. The pair of them had been on a pathway that ran throughout the woods, and he saw the building that a pair of trees had shielded from him from a different angle.

‘A church,’ Hershel said as he lowered the gun and placed it in holster. Moving over to stand next to Theodore, he let out a small smile. ‘Reminds me of the one I would go to. Every Sunday, me and my family. That one was hidden away in the woods as well.’

Theodore nodded. ‘The southern Baptist church?’

‘That’s the one,’ Hershel found his smile growing deeper as he took in the building. It was a homely looking building, with white paint peeling away here and there. But the glass stained windows remained intact, something that could not be said for many of the windows he had come across in their travels. ‘How did you know?’

‘We would always go past it when we searched for Sophia,’ Theodore answered. And just like that the mood died. Hershel felt his smile falter as he remembered the little girl who had stepped out of the barn, no longer truly a girl but a monster instead.

_I was such a fool back then. Such a fool._

‘What’s the sign for this church?’ Hershel asked, and without waiting for a response he walked over to the board. On top of the sign was simply emboldened text: **Belmont Church.** And below the title was the hand arranged letters, spelling out: **God Is Dead.**

Hershel found himself growing cold at the sign, and he took a weary look upon the church. What had been a pleasant surprise was quickly turning into a sour experience.

Theodore walked over to see the sign and whistled upon seeing the message. ‘Well, ain’t that a bitch.’

Hershel shook his head. ‘You could say that. We should go, Theodore. We did good getting those cans of sweetcorn today.’ He patted the bag he was wearing over his shoulder, the tins rattling ever so slightly with every step he took.

He made to take a step away, but Theodore grabbed onto him. ‘Shouldn’t we, I don’t know,’ Theodore removed his hand from Hershel’s arm and forced a cough into his hand, trying to hide the blush growing in his face. ‘I don’t know, check the place out? It could offer something more than a can of sweetcorn.’

Hershel wanted to shake his head. _Not today, I can’t be dealing with this today._ But he looked at the church again, with its white paint that gleamed despite the shine no longer being there. He knew he had no excuse not to go in, not with the reasoning Theodore offered.

‘Fine,’ Hershel said. ‘We go in and out.’

Theodore nodded, and the two men walked over to the church. Hershel reached for his gun and said a silent prayer in the hope of there not being a walker in the place. The last thing he wanted to do was shoot a gun in a place for worship, no matter if it was for a good cause.

_I can’t even remember the last time I was at a church._

He did still carry a bible with him, however. A torn one picked up from one of the many houses they had scavenged the past few months. He would read it at morning if he could, not wishing to read at nightlight with a flashlight in case he attracted unwanted attention.

But the church was something different. He still held belief in his God, he still believed that he would be able to get the rest of his children to safe passage. That is why he held tight to the bible. Yet the church only provided memories of his two marriages, of christening his three older children who were no longer with him.

Hershel grimaced, but if Theodore noticed he was polite enough not to say a word. They were at the doors, and luckily for the pair of them the doors were unlocked.

What drew his eyes as always was the cross on the middle of the stage, a wooden cross that reminded all people of the suffering and death of Jesus Christ. It had been a sight he had grown accustomed to over the years, but it awed him in this instance.

_Yeah, it’s been too long since I was in church._

The church was devoid of life, the benches that were forever unattended gathering dust. Hershel wrinkled his nose as the sort of musky scent that overwhelmed the place, but he was grateful that it was not the typical smell of death that clung to the walkers like strong perfume.

Outside of the cross and benches there was a piano on the stage, but as far as Hershel could see there was nothing else there in the main room. He walked to the stage, and saw a door leading to another room.

‘Probably the office,’ Hershel said to himself as he kept a hold of his gun. ‘Theodore, I would say this was our best bet at finding something useful.’

The lack of response made him turn around, and he blinked in surprise as he realised Theodore was standing in the middle of the room, having eyes only for the cross. Hershel looked at the cross again, wondering if he had missed something that should have held his attention.

It was just a wooden cross, painted white like the outside walls of the church. Hershel frowned and went to stand next to Theodore.

‘What is it you see?’ Hershel asked.

Theodore shook his head. ‘It’s just the cross. It just reminds me of when I was trying to become more religious. But with everything that is going on, everything that we’ve been going through; I’ve kinda just let it fall to the side.’ He shrugged, clearly embarrassed. ‘I do mean to pick it back up again, but I feel ashamed for not having stuck at it.’

‘Never be ashamed,’ Hershel told him curtly. ‘I have to confess Theodore; I never took you as the religious type.’

Theodore chuckled slightly. ‘I wasn’t, not until all this shit happened. A lot of shit happened with my family before that though, I lost my sister. I had no faith. I started thinking about it when I got out of Atlanta alive, and I did pray a little at the farm. It actually really helped me with Sophia and my sister, if only for a little.’

Hershel nodded. ‘I understand. I went on a similar journey myself. I wasn’t wholly religious as a child. My dad was a mean old drunk who tried to frighten me with it, but I was never impressed. Ironically when he died is when I turned to religion, for comfort.’

Theodore said nothing, but he didn’t need to. Hershel took a look at the cross, trying to picture his father’s face. Instead, he only saw Shawn and Arnold and Lacey as they were babies, being christened and beginning a journey that would ensure they would get into heaven once they died.

_I failed all three of them. I cannot fail the others, I can’t._

‘Hey,’ Theodore’s voice cut through his thoughts. Hershel turned around to see a sombre looking Theodore. ‘Would you mind praying with me?’ Theodore asked. His voice cracked slightly; Hershel could tell that he was nervous. ‘It’s just been a while for me. I want to get back into it.’

Hershel looked at the man before turning back to the cross. The white cross looked back, a symbol of the religion that he had been a part of for longer than he could say.

_You can live for your children right now, but it’s okay to remember the ones you’ve lost along the way too._

‘It’s been a while for me too,’ Hershel said quietly.

**Day 209**

His father booted down the door, and in quick succession he pulled the trigger once, twice and three times. The sound of three bodies falling one after the other followed.

Carl quickly followed Theodore, Glenn and Maggie’s lead as they entered the house just behind Rick, gun in hand and breathing harshly. The small hill leading up to the house had been more taxing than they had all thought it would have been, in thanks to the small horde of walkers that had appeared from seemingly nowhere.

A quick glance behind Carl saw the bodies scattered across the ground like broken dolls, their heads smashed in or supporting little bullet holes. His hands tightened around his gun as did his resolve before he turned around and took in his surroundings.

_You need to focus. Dad would be just as quick to stop you going on these runs if you don’t focus._

Focusing, Carl quickly marched forward upstairs. He skipped a couple of steps, the act reminding him of his old home back in Kings County where he would rush upstairs to play with his toys. Only it was not such a small matter that had him acting like kids his age should be acting.

On the top landing, Carl saw immediately that they were three rooms. Two of the doors were shut, one door was open. Carl cautiously moved forward to the open room; gun aimed to fire instantly if he needed to.

To his immediate relief there was nothing in the bathroom. Just a sink, cabinet, toilet and bathtub; the things you would expect to be in a bathroom. Carl moved forward to the cabinet vanity underneath the sink and opened the doors and swiped the colgate toothpaste and a couple of toothbrushes, placing them into his bag.

_Every little thing helps, as Glenn likes to say._

Satisfied he was not going to find anything else in the room, he turned backward to the hall. His stomach rumbled with the roar of an angry beast, waiting to be fed. He tried to ignore the pangs of hunger that had been plaguing them all for the past week as he approached one of the doors.

Hearing the noise creaking up the steps, Carl quickly turned around, not concerned that it was a walker but wanting to see who it was regardless. It was only Maggie, who had her machete in hand. Carl nodded, and she nodded back before he turned his attention back to the door.

Lowering the gun, a little, he knocked on the door. He heard a slight groan, and he quickly kicked the door open in imitation of seeing how his dad do it. He was glad the door gave way; he would have been embarrassed if the door did not budge after getting an audience in the form of Maggie.

What greeted him was a skeletal looking figure, with wispy strands of hair and the hiss that always escaped from their mouth. If it was not a hiss, it was a groan. Regardless, they all met the same fate as Carl aimed his gun and pulled the trigger. As always as he pulled the trigger, he flashed back to the couple of seconds back at that night at the farm when he had shot a gun for the first time and put an end to Shane’s life.

The walker fell to the ground, her life now extinguished for good. Carl quickly paced forward, not wanting to break momentum or relive a pain he thought he was getting over. He had a thirst to prove to his dad that he could be trusted to do jobs like this, to keep the group and especially his very much pregnant mom alive and safe.

_Just get in, get what you can and get out._

His momentum stopped at the sight of another skeleton that would have went unnoticed if not for a chance glance from the corner of his eye. The skeleton lay besides the bed, but it was far too small to be human. The wooden floor it lay on was rusted with dried, brownish blood.

Carl blinked at the sight, unable to comprehend what he was witnessing. _I always wanted a dog. Mom wouldn’t allow it, though._

He would have stood there for longer if he did not hear Maggie snarl from the other room. The other room must have had a walker in the room too, he figured. Turning his back to the skeleton in the corner, Carl turned around to see if there was anything of use in the bedroom.

Carl went through drawers and swept through the small dressing table looking for anything of use, but the one object he did found was in the corner of the room. _Must have been kicked to the corner by the walker at some point._ It was the one object that let his stomach come back to life, the hunger pangs striking up again.

The tin can of dog food sat there as it sat there for months, unopened and waiting for use.

_Should I?_

‘Carl,’ Maggie’s voice caused him to jump slightly, and he cursed silently to himself. He had been caught off guard for the first time. ‘You okay?’

‘Yeah,’ Carl replied as Maggie peaked into the room. He gave her a quick nod as if to assure her, and as she turned to walk down the stairs, he quickly picked up the can of dog food and placed it in the bag with the rest of his belongings.

‘Good, you’re down!’ Glenn shouted. Rick and Theodore strode forward from the lounge into the hallway with their weapons in hand.

‘What’s going on?’ Carl asked, instantly alert.

‘Walkers out back,’ Glenn indicated his head to the back of the house as if they could see through the walls. ‘They’re coming, we need to get out of here.’

Rick nodded, and he reached out to tighten a grip Carl’s shoulder. He did not need to say anything however, Carl knew. _Stay smart and do whatever I tell you to do._ Rick let the grip go, before marching out the door from which they had entered. Theodore followed him, and Carl after Theodore.

Walking out of the house was a relief of sorts, for despite the scorching heat (which was a welcome respite from the cold winter they had all endured) Carl had found the inside of many houses and buildings to have a sweet, sour scent. It was good to be out in the fresh air.

The screechy hiss put a stop to any positive thinking. Carl quickly turned around to see the walkers emerging from the corner of the house. Their hands reached forward and they staggered forward, the intensity of their snarls increasing as the sight of flesh.

Carl quickly broke into a run, but his heartbeat quickened as he found himself stepping over the walkers that had been disposed of from earlier and saw that more walkers were emerging from the woods.

As had been the case since the farm, they were only ever one or two steps ahead of the walkers. They were always kept on the move, there hadn’t been a time for respite like his father had hoped for in the house.

‘Just keep on running!’ Rick shouted. One walker got too close to Theodore, and Carl aimed his gun and fired out of instinct. It was not a perfect shot by any means, but the impact of the bullet forced the walker to take a step backwards. Carl did as his dad instructed them to do and kept on running. As such he heard rather than saw Maggie quickly strike her machete into the same walker’s head before it could get to her and Glenn.

They neared the road, and Carl felt himself beginning to grow tired. He chanced a look behind him and saw that there must have been about forty or fifty walkers shambling towards the five humans, running for their lives in desperation.

 _Why am I doing this? I’m just a kid!_ Hot tears poured down his cheeks as Carl tried to focus on his task, and not for the first time wondering if he was in over his head.

But Carl saw the road ahead and knew they would be out of the woods soon enough and back on solid road, where Morales and his truck was waiting.

The truck was where they had left it, and Morales was indeed in the driver’s seat. Carl heard the engine purring away, and for Carl there had never been a more wonderful sound. _I’m never going to go on one of these runs again, I swear it!_

Morales quickly pushed the door open to allow the group in. ‘C’mon!’ Morales shouted. ‘Get in, get in!’

Carl did not need telling twice, and before he knew it they were all in the truck and driving away before the walkers could emerge from the woods. But he knew it would only be a matter of time before those same walkers once again caught up to them, and it would be time to pack their bags and move once again.

**Day 210**

‘Why did you let him go?’

Lori’s strained voice cut through to Rick as he grabbed the strap to his rifle from the truck and picked the rifle up. With a full day ahead of the walkers that they were aware of, he planned on trying his luck with hunting. He had not missed the hungry stares from the children as they split the last of the rations.

_Something is better than nothing._

Rick turned to face Lori. Sweat beaded her forehead as she supported herself against the truck, and Rick did not miss the bags under her eyes. This pregnancy had been far worse upon her than her first, and that was not even taking into consideration the circumstances that they had found themselves in.

‘He needs to learn,’ Rick said. He went to move, but he saw Lori about to leave the support of the truck to follow. Inwardly groaning, Rick remained where he was. ‘Lori, you need to sit down. Take this as an opportunity to rest up.’

‘Rest up?’ Lori scoffed. ‘You can’t be serious, Rick. We’re in the middle of the woods, and I’ve lost track of how many times we’ve just had to pack up and leave at any moment. I can’t rest, none of us can.’

‘So you’ve answered your question,’ Rick said. ‘None of us can rest. I know Morales and Hershel don’t want their kids to be doing what Carl is, and that’s fair enough. But I’m giving my son the resources he needs to keep on surviving.’ He glanced around the camp to see if anybody was near before lowering his voice. ‘I don’t want him to end up like Sophia.’

‘And you think I do?’ Lori asked. As usual, the few conversations they had were becoming more and more heated. Rick figured they had perfected it to an art at this point. ‘I don’t want him to end up like Sophia. And I think Morales and Hershel are right, they’re still kids at the end of the day Rick. He’s already-.’

‘He’s already what?’ Rick interrupted. He glared at Lori. _How has it come to this?_ As every day passed, the happier memories of a time before the apocalypse were becoming all the more distant to him. ‘Shot Shane?’

Lori leaned back as if she was slapped, and Rick shook his head. ‘This is why I’m doing it, Lori. You don’t have to like it, but I’m making sure _our_ son can survive whatever gets flung his way.’

‘It’s not just that. You didn’t see him when he came back the other day,’ Lori argued. ‘He was terrified out of his mind, Rick. But you don’t see it. You’re just so focused on searching for this mythical safe haven that you force him into dangerous situations he doesn’t need to be in.’

‘I don’t need this,’ Rick said. He waved his hands to indicate their camp. Many of the survivors nearby had lowered eyes or were focused on something else; clearly not wanting to be dragged into their domestic. ‘This whole world isn’t safe, Lori. All of it is dangerous. And this is the last time I want to hear it.’

Before Lori could retort, Rick stomped off. He marched across the camp and gave Hershel a small nod as he passed by him, before finding himself in the centre of the camp where Carl, Louis and Eliza were sitting huddled over something.

‘What have you got, son?’ Rick asked. _Probably a pack of cards or something. I’m not a complete monster like Lori says, he’s allowed to be a kid._

Carl jumped from his voice as did Louis and Eliza, who quickly backed away and left Carl under the spotlight. Curiosity blossomed into deep suspicion, and Rick held his hand out. ‘Give it to me, Carl. Whatever it is.’

If it had been another time before the outbreak, Rick figured Carl would have tried to have protested or make up some excuse. Under his withering stare however, Carl folded like a meek dog. He turned around to pick up whatever he had hidden in his bag, and turned around to show it to him.

Held in his hands was a tin of dog food.

Rick’s blood turned to ice. _No. This isn’t happening._

With a fury that frightened him, Rick snatched the tin can out of Carl’s hand. He did not look at Carl’s reaction, he threw the tin across the camp. There was a hush to the murmurs from everybody as the tin hit a tree and Rick continued his way out of the camp, not looking back.

_This has to fucking end. I can’t let my son go down that far. We aren’t that hungry, that desperate. Are we?_

But he had seen it in all their faces. Every day that passed the hope of the group dimmed. He and Lori were at each other’s throats all the time now, and the tin of dog food was evident enough that Lori’s argument had some truth to it.

_He’s a kid, for fuck sake Rick. He shouldn’t have to go to bed hungry and be that desperate to eat dog food. You’ve failed him. You’ve failed them all._

Rick heard a rustle, and he stopped in his tracks. Bending down slightly with his rifle, Rick looked through the scope. His stomach hurt with hunger, as if he needed a reminder of how dire their situation was. Rick knew that everything depended on whatever had made the rustle in the woods. He just hoped it was another walker lost in the wilderness.

What he saw instead through the scope was a gap between some trees up a hill, and through the trees was what appeared to be some sort of tower.

Curious despite himself, Rick quickly marched forward. There was a spring to his step in his enthusiasm to find out what the tower was. _We might get some shelter for the night at least, at least then Lori could have a sit down._

Rick reached the gap between the trees and found himself gaping as he stood atop a hill overlooking a large building that resembled a fortress. There was an entire field of overgrown grass, but the sight that got Rick to drop his jaw was the large, gated fence with barbed wire on top spread out as far as the eye could see, containing the grass and more importantly the walkers in blue jumpsuits within that field. A courtyard could be seen from afar beyond another fence further up the hill.

Rick found himself laughing as he took in the sight and knew that he had finally found what they had been looking for. _What had it been that Lori accused me of looking for?_

A mythical haven. Only the myth had become reality.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I have to apologise extremely for this late update! I am so sorry for that. But real life got in the way and to be honest I was feeling burned out after those 18 chapters in the first place! A break like that might occur again in the future, but for now I'm ready to give everything I've got before I feel that burn out again. Hopefully it won't happen. I never intended to take as long a break as that. But I'm absolutely determined to finish this story. 
> 
> I hope you all like this chapter. It might be rough because it was me just getting back into the swing of writing again. And it has a format that proved to be trickier than I expected to be honest, what with time passing throughout the chapter in big skips. It's also a monster of a chapter, but I hope that somewhat makes up for not posting this to the few readers who always consistently read and reviewed these chapters;
> 
> So I'm sorry again, just hope this update somewhat makes up for it :) just to let you know in advance that the next chapter is purely Andrea/Michonne to catch up with what they were going through winter. There was no way I could squeeze them in here at any point.


	20. Day 77-210 (B)

**Day 77**

‘Get up, now!’

The hooded figure’s voice hissed with urgency as Andrea blinked rapidly, trying to process the sight she laid eyes to. _I’m dreaming. I have to be dreaming._ But no matter how many times she blinked, the figure did not fade away from her mind and neither did the amputated walkers at her side.

It was real, and so were the snarls of the herd that were coming their way.

Andrea pushed herself up. Every muscle screamed in agony and her body felt as if she had been lit on fire all over, but the desperation of her situation called for it.

_You’ve made it this far. No point in giving up now!_

‘Keep beside me,’ the figure murmured. Andrea gave a weary look at the walkers besides the figure, and the woman huffed with impatience. ‘They will not hurt you, but those ones will if you do not do as I say.’

Andrea hesitated, but she heard the moans of the dead coming their way as well as the crunch of the leaves underneath their feet. They were getting closer with every step, and it was only a matter of time before they caught up.

Taking a deep breath, Andrea stepped besides the woman with the sword.

‘Keep close to me and them at all times,’ the woman murmured. She was hard to make out as the drone of the moans rang harshly as the dead walkers made their appearance. _This is just the first wave._ Thirty or so of the walkers, each in tattered clothing worn out by the conditions they had been put through, all of them with jaws snapping and dead eyes that never stopped seeing.

Those same eyes looked right through Andrea, and she had never felt so vulnerable as she did in that moment. Not even her encounter at the RV had her feel so terrified, facing an entire army of the dead head on.

This was not what the woman had in mind. She brushed Andrea’s arms with her hands breezily, as if she had done it unintentionally. Andrea’s heart was in her mouth watching as the figure turned her back away from the dead and faced forward, slowly but surely. _This is insane! What is she doing?_

The figure with her back to Andrea and the dead did not need to tell her to follow her lead as she took a step forward. Andrea followed her, cringing as every second passed and the walkers behind them kept pressing their march forward. It was only a matter of time before they had caught up to them.

The chains the figure held rattled ever so slightly as the figure moved, going no slower than the walkers behind her. The walkers those chains were leashed to had little choice but to follow her, their rotting scent suffocating in proximity. Andrea kept expecting them to attack at any moment, to throw off their docile façade and start biting into her or the figure.

They never did, and Andrea saw that they had no teeth to bite skin into. They did not even have a jaw.

The moment Andrea dreaded most occurred as the walkers behind them caught up. One walker bumped into her, and Andrea all but _jumped_ at the movement. She closed her eyes tightly and expected to feel the sensation of teeth biting into skin, tearing her apart and leaving her with nothing but bones to lay in the godforsaken woods.

It did not happen. The motion of the bump caused Andrea to bump slightly into the figure, who kept on walking as if nothing occurred. The walker who had made the initial bump only snarled, and Andrea could have sworn she heard it _sniff,_ as if he were trying to figure out if she was one of them or not.

That is when it clicked for her. The walkers the figure had somehow domesticated into walking pets were shielding both her and the woman with their scent, much in the same way the guts and gore had covered Rick and Glenn back in Atlanta.

Andrea wondered if the pair of them felt as terrified as she did now when they had pulled that trick off.

More walkers emerged from the corner of the eye, and some marched forward past the living. To her left and right were dozens of walkers, and the ones behind her kept bumping into her. Andrea found herself flinching every time, wondering if that bump was going to be the one that exposed her and left her open for their killer teeth.

_This is madness. I’m going mad._

Andrea did not know how the woman in front of her kept so calm, but she did. Andrea tried to concentrate on her back and not the monsters that surrounded them. She felt like somebody stranded in the middle of the ocean, lost in the wave of the dead that was flooding through the forest. It was suffocating.

_I wonder if she is terrified as me._

The only certain assurance about that thought was that Andrea knew even if she was frightened out of her wits, she did not show it. Andrea herself was terrified, yet she had not been exposed as a fraud in the same way Rick and Glenn had been. The figure’s chained walkers were doing their job in protecting them, and for now that was enough.

On and on and on it went, and the day was slowly fading to night. The sheer terror of what she was going through had absurdly turned into boredom, a concept Andrea could not wrap her mind around. _I’m definitely going insane._ What was worse is that she found herself drifting off, the efforts of her previous night and day finally catching up to her. The sounds the dead made were acting as a grotesque lullaby to her now, ringing in her ears.

She thought of the group and wondered if any of them had made it out. Carol at least she had saved, the act of which had caused her to be in the situation she was in now. She felt furious in that moment at the thought but knew it would not do well to dwell upon it. She wondered if Rick and Shane had made it back in time to the farm.

She thought of Dale then, and the justice of knowing his killer had been turned into a walker. She had put him down. _Was it Randall though? His nails were missing, he had been tortured in some way. I don’t think he could have had the strength to kill Dale in the state he was in. Unless it happened after? If it hadn’t been for the herd, would his group have attacked the farm anyway?_

That thought brought her back to the memory of taking her first kill in the town. _His name was Jimmy, wasn’t it?_ That sounded right enough to her. So caught up in her daydreaming the situation she was in now did not seem so absurd, where she knew one wrong move would have seen the end of her and the mysterious woman.

_And just who is she? How did she get those walkers in that way? How did she discover this trick in the first place?_

Andrea didn’t know, but what she did know was that the herd was now in entirely in front of them. A few stragglers remained, but there was breathing space now. Andrea cast a weary look behind her just in case and saw that there were none more behind her.

She turned her head around to see that the hooded figure had let down her hood and was staring at her with piercing brown eyes, eyes that seemed to look through the soul.

_Whoever she is, I would not be here right now if it weren’t for her._

**Day 79**

Michonne peaked through the curtains and grimaced. The streets would have been empty if not for the lone straggler who was currently attempting to get into a house, convinced beyond reason that there was somebody inside. Michonne had been in the house herself the other day and knew it not to be true.

_This is stupid. I should go._

Michonne let the curtain fall before turning around to face the house she was currently in. The house had little to offer, the previous owners or looters had taken everything of use and left the rest behind to gather dust. It was not an unusual sight, but it was one that filled her with frustration all the same.

_‘You should just go. Take me and Terry away from here, you’ve never needed anybody other than us. We’ve kept you safe, kept you grounded. She will only slow you down. You saw that yourself the other day, which you wasted wandering around the woods for no good reason.’_

‘No,’ Michonne whispered. She shook her head and repeated herself firmly. ‘No.’ Michonne paced through to the kitchen, her fingers lightly dancing against a table in her way and leaving a dust free mark as a result.

Looking out of the window, Michonne sighed in relief as she saw Mike and Terry where she had left them, tied up to the edge of a trampoline that would have belonged to the children of the house’s previous occupants. Even without the chain they would have stood there, so docile now that they wouldn’t have known what to do with themselves if she had let them go free.

_You’re out there, Mike. Not in here. Get out of my fucking head._

That might have been true, but Michonne could have sworn even without his jaw and the condition that he was in; Mike was laughing at her.

She drew the curtains to the kitchen window, no longer wishing to see.

Sighing, Michonne drew a chair from the table and sat down. She pressed her hands against her face and shut her eyes, wishing for some sort of sign that she was doing the right thing. _I am doing the right thing, aren’t I? Mike isn’t right all the time. You can’t just focus on yourself._

_‘What would Elodie and Colette think of you helping out some random woman over them? That’s the real million dollar question.’_

‘Shut up,’ Michonne said with gritted teeth. Silence followed her for once, and she thanked her lucky stars that Mike had listened to her for once. Michonne took in the silence, not wishing to disturb it. She needed to think in a way which allowed her to take her next course of action, and to be in control to make that decision.

The creak of a floorboard upstairs made her go for her katana.

It was habit, purely driven by instinct. The past two months or so had transformed and changed an entire world for the people who were left behind to pick up the pieces, none more so than Michonne. Every unfamiliar sound, sight and smell got her on edge, and she knew that in order to survive she had to keep being on that edge. She had to walk and balance on that tightrope of being in peril and being prepared for the possibility of peril, otherwise she would fall straight off the edge.

She was up and sprinting through the kitchen and the living room, into the hallway and up the stairs. She knew without a shadow of a doubt that it was only the woman finally awakening from her slumber, but she could take no chances. The house had been thoroughly searched by her for any stragglers or weak spots for stragglers to get in, but that did not mean she might have missed something.

She was not perfect, as Mike loved to remind her.

Going to the bedroom where she had left the woman, she raised out her sword. The woman had no weapons to use on her, she had made sure of that as well. The gun she did have had no bullets left to use and was downstairs regardless. It never hurt to be cautious.

Michonne waited, every second that passed a silent debate. _Is she even up? Is it just the house settling? Should I go in or should I wait here?_ She settled on waiting, but she did not have to wait long. The door opened.

The woman stepped out wearily, and her mouth dropped open in surprise at the sight of her. She faltered, but she did not run and slam the door shut behind her. Michonne was glad for that, because if she had done such a thing, she did not know whether she would have had to kill her for that or not. In her experience such an act from other strangers had led to openly hostile encounters, weapons or no weapons.

‘Where are your walkers?’ The woman asked. Michonne silently cursed for not making the first move, too caught up in her inner debates.

_‘As always. Keep up like that and you’ll wind up dead like Andre.’_

‘Out back,’ Michonne said. Her voice came out harsh, trying to drown out the voices and the laughter in her head.

The woman took in her words and seemed to nod, fingers lightly brushing against the doorknob. Michonne narrowed her eyes at the sight of that. _I should have just ditched her after I brought her here. I saved her life in the first place, I owe her nothing._

‘I’ve seen it done before, blending in with them I mean,’ the woman continued. She let go of the doorknob and started to rub her hands, a nervous tick in Michonne’s observation. ‘Not quite like in the way you did it, I never knew you could even tame them.’

‘In what way did you see it get used?’ Michonne asked. _Maybe saving her will have its positives after all._

‘Guts,’ the woman said. ‘The men I was with, they draped themselves in guts from a walker. It covered their scent and made them blend in, but the rain washed the scent away. They were lucky they didn’t die. It wasn’t foul proof.’

‘Neither are my methods,’ Michonne said darkly. The woman looked at her curiously but did not press her, which she was glad for. She would not have understood. ‘Where are these men of yours?’

The woman shook her head. ‘We all got run off by a herd of those things. Thousands of them, it’s the most I’ve ever seen. I don’t know if they are still alive or not.’ She sighed. ‘I just know if it hadn’t been for you, I would have died. Thank you.’

Michonne felt her arm ache from holding the katana, and she found herself easing off any doubts by lowering the blade. _‘This is a mistake!’_ Mike’s voice bounced off inside her head like a church gone, determined not to be silenced. _‘Do not trust her, whatever you do, do not trust her. She’ll be the death of you!’_

‘We can rest up here for the day, get you back on your feet,’ Michonne said. It wasn’t just Mike’s voice she was going against now; it was every single instinct of hers as well. ‘If you want to join me, that is. But I’m gone tomorrow, with or without you. I’ve spent too much time here already.’

‘Understood,’ the woman said. She smiled and raised out her hand. ‘I’m Andrea.’

Michonne looked at the hand cautiously. _Is she going to try and take my guard, slit my throat when I’m asleep?_ Mike agreed entirely with her inner thoughts, and that was enough for her to offer her hand out.

‘It’s Michonne.’

**Night 79**

Andrea tucked into her tinned soup, savouring every mouthful as she sat on the couch. Michonne sat on the armchair on the other side of the room, her eyes never leaving the hallway, possibly in anticipation of someone or something coming in.

The front door and back had been blockaded with tables and chairs, handywork done by Michonne herself when she had been asleep. Despite the precautions taken, she was still preparing for the worst-case scenario.

_There’s nothing wrong with that. If you had all been better prepared, maybe you wouldn’t have had to leave in the farm the way you did._

Andrea sighed as she stirred her lentil soup. Thoughts about the farm only reminded her of being left behind, and the death of Dale was still as raw to her as a fresh wound. She scooped up another mouthful of soup before putting it aside and focusing on Michonne.

‘Where are you headed?’ Andrea asked.

Michonne looked at her, eyebrows furrowed. It had been difficult trying to draw Michonne into a conversation, that much had been clear throughout the day. Judging by what she had seen so far; Michonne was a closed book who focused only on surviving in whatever ways she knew how. She wondered if she would remain that way.

‘Just trying to find a place where the dead aren’t there,’ Michonne answered finally. She turned her eyes back to the hallway, her katana on display across her knees with her hands on the pommel.

‘Isn’t everyone?’ Andrea teased, but Michonne only nodded. Michonne’s half-hearted unnerved Andrea a little, and silence once again descended upon the living room.

_I’m grateful to this woman, I am. But she is so closed off it’s unreal._

Andrea rubbed her eyes, fighting off a yawn. She knew she had no right to feel exhausted given the rest she had taken, something that also made her feel guilty. She had no right to be judgemental about a woman who had taken her under her wing.

Looking at the katana and the shiny surface of the blade, Andrea put the tin of soup aside. ‘Your katana, where did you get it from?’

Michonne grunted as she turned around to face Andrea. Sparks of impatience flashed through her eyes; Andrea knew that look after years of working in court. ‘What is it with the million and one questions?’

Taken aback by the hostility of her words, Andrea raised her hands in surrender. ‘I’m sorry, Michonne. I didn’t mean anything by it. I’m just not used to silence.’

‘I hear that,’ Michonne said before turning her attention back to the hallway.

The dismissiveness of her gesture lit a fire in Andrea. ‘Look, I can see you aren’t one for talking. That is completely fine and look, I get it. With all the shit that has went on, who has time to talk? But I’m not your enemy, Michonne. I don’t like to be treated like a piece of shit over just trying to make casual talk.’

‘Who is treating you like a piece of shit?’ Michonne asked. She turned to face Andrea fully now, and the impatience in her eyes had blossomed into the same anger Andrea was experiencing herself. ‘The woman who saved you when she didn’t have to? The woman who plucked you out of the woods and kept you here, when she should have just kept on moving instead of picking up dead weight.’

‘Dead weight?’ Andrea scoffed. ‘I can more than look after myself. I’m beyond grateful you saved me, believe me. But I don’t need to listen to this.’

Michonne indicated the hallway with a nod. ‘You know where the door is.’

Andrea got up from the couch, throwing aside the blanket she had been huddled underneath. ‘That I do.’ Storming over to the table where her father’s gun lay, Andrea picked the weapon up and strapped it into her holster before marching off. ‘You can keep the soup. I’ve overstayed my welcome, it seems.’

Taking careful note not to look at Michonne, Andrea walked into the hallway and started to pick up the wooden chairs and pushing the chest of drawers away just so slightly so she could get out of the house. Opening the door and being greeted by the windy air was a shock to the system. Despite the lack of heating the house had been warm enough, being out in the open the wind was bitter and drained the warmth right out of her almost instantly.

A second of doubt flickered through her mind. _What are you doing, Andrea? It’s the middle of the night and it’s cold._ Another second and she considered going back, but with her hand on the door handle Andrea knew she had gone too far to back off now.

_Michonne wouldn’t have me anyway. I wouldn’t if I were her._

Slamming the door shut made her decision loud and clear, even if it had been unintentional. The force of the wind battered at her, but she strode out into the night. The only weapon she had was her gun, which she had no bullets for.

The snarl of a walker nearby caused Andrea to look up. She saw from across the street a walker turning his head away from the house he had been trying to get into and wandering over to the sight of food.

_I’m back to where I was before Michonne. On the run._

Shaking her in disgust, Andrea turned around and ran. It was as if she had never stopped running from the moment the herd descended upon the farm, swallowing her entire world. Dale and Randall and Shane and Rick and all the rest of them had been swept up; and she was once again the last one standing.

Passing by abandoned houses and cars, trees with no leaves on their branches and listening to the sounds of owls hooting and birds flapping their ways in the night sky, Andrea continued to run. One foot after the other, she lost herself in the process.

_Maybe I should go back and apologise?_

Panting, Andrea slowed to a stop. The walker that had saw her had long since faded from sight. Taking a breather, Andrea staggered forward to a car and pressed her hands against the roof. The car was dirty and leaves covered the front window entirely. Her hands mucky with dirt, Andrea chanced her luck by trying to open the door.

The door remained firmly locked.

Groaning in frustration, Andrea knelt to her knees as she caught her breath. _What the fuck am I going to do now?_ She did not know how to hot wire a car, so throwing a brick into the window was out of the question. Knowing her luck, the car most likely would have been out of gasoline regardless.

_Doesn’t gas go bad after a while anyway?_

Shaking the meaningless thoughts away from her head, Andrea got up from her knees and started walking underneath the dark sky, a shadow in the moonlight. She was in another neighbourhood, another community that she did not know the name of. Shivering against the cold, Andrea wondered if she had ever felt so much alone as she did in that moment.

‘I need a plan,’ Andrea muttered to herself. She knew she couldn’t keep trekking in the darkness, it was bound to attract unwanted attention from someone or something. What she needed to do was find shelter for the night, gather her bearings and set out to do whatever she needed to do in the morning.

Approaching a crossroads, Andrea slowed to a stop to see what each direction would bring her. Upwards was just more generic houses, all of which would no longer be in use again for a long while. She couldn’t help but remember Wilshrie Estates, where Shane had taken her out shooting. The houses over there had been far more pleasant, but just as abandoned and out of use.

_Just as dangerous now, really. All these houses might be crawling with these things._

Shuddering at the thought, Andrea looked to her left and saw that more houses lined the street. The stretch of road gave her reason to believe it would possibly lead out of town. Turning to her right, Andrea instinctively grabbed onto her gun.

There was a building at the far end of the street. On top of the roof was a radio tower, touching the sky and standing proudly, its silver surface shining in the darkness. A sign below the tower read: **SOUTH COUNTY’S RADIO SHACK.**

It was not the tower itself that attracted Andrea’s attention and got her guard up. It was the flickering lights that could be seen through the windows, the only source of brightness in the neighbourhood. South County’s Radio Shack looked like a lighthouse, lighting the way for sailors such as herself.

_Should I go and check it out?_

Andrea stood there, undecided. Every fiber of her being wanted to check the place out, see if there were any survivors. But she had never forgotten Dave and Tony, and the way their attitudes had flipped like switches. Their whole group were still out there somewhere, and Randall had ( _maybe?_ ) killed Dale. Michonne hadn’t been the most pleasant to be around, either.

_That isn’t fair, Andrea. She was nothing like them. And she saved you, remember? Don’t forget that. Not everybody out here is a bad person out to get you. Dale certainly wasn’t and he helped you and Amy when he didn’t need to._

Andrea felt guilt and regret overwhelm her as she pictured Michonne being left behind at the house. She could not believe how childish she had been now, storming off like a child throwing toys out of her pram over an argument which she couldn’t remember the specifics of.

_No, not everybody is bad. Check this place out tonight, and in the morning go back for Michonne. Hopefully, you will be able to get to her before it’s too late._

Resolved in her decision, Andrea walked towards the radio shack. She kept a tight grip onto her gun; however, she was not completely foolish. The radio shack could still be a ploy waiting around for desperate people like her.

Standing at front of the doors, Andrea could make out the graffiti spray painted onto the brick walls. What seemed to be painted in faded brown were messages all over. **GOD WILL SAVE US** and **REST IN PEACE JOCELYN** and **MOTHER MARY** and many more messages of a religious nature were painted over one another; those were the ones that happened to catch her eye the most.

It set Andrea’s nerves on edge. She had not stepped down from her guard, but the brick wall still painted a vivid image for her and that image told her to be careful. Taking a deep breath, Andrea pressed open the door slowly.

The light would have been shocking if she had not expected it. The door opening cut a string, causing empty tins to clatter onto the floor. Whoever was there, they would be alerted to her presence. The entrance to the building had once been a reception area but all furniture had been cleared outside of the candles. Dripping with wax that melted onto the floor, what seemed to be a million and one candles sitting on the floor burned away with flickering light.

_Get out of there now, Andrea. Your instincts are telling you right, this is not a safe place to be._

From up ahead, Andrea heard murmuring. Voices alerted no doubt by the noise she had made. That was ultimately the deciding factor for Andrea.

She went to turn around and tried to shriek as a bag went over her head, blocking the light of the candles from her.

**Day 80**

Michonne sliced through the walker’s head with her katana like a knife going through butter, before yanking on the chains that bound Mike and Terry as she continued pressing forward. Mike and Terry, ever the obedient pets, followed.

The sun shone brightly today, nary a cloud in the sky. It was of little comfort to Michonne, whose entire world was shrouded in dark clouds that chased after her whether she was asleep or awake.

_‘Asleep? You’re kidding yourself if you think you can afford that luxury. When was the last time you truly got to sleep? Do you think Elodie and Colette get that luxury, in that mythical paradise you’ve dreamed up for them?’_

‘You’re right. I can’t remember the last time I slept,’ Michonne said. ‘And it’s real for them. It has to be.’

It felt relaxing, freeing to say the words out loud. Bringing Andrea into the house had been a mistake, as proven when she could not to talk Mike openly without looking as if she had gone insane. Being out in the open and being able to talk out in the open _was_ a luxury she could afford, so long as it was just her by herself.

Andrea storming off in the way she had the other night had been inevitable anyway. Michonne had always gotten on better being by herself. The FEMA camps had proved that too, even if those at the FEMA camps being together turned out to be detriment for themselves.

‘Why do you think I feel bad about it?’ Michonne asked Mike. Mike and Terry only let out low hisses, they lacked the means to moan and screech like the other walkers. ‘Andrea, I mean. She was clearly ungrateful for what I did for her. I did more than what anybody else would have done. Your boys at FEMA prove that if nothing else.’

Silence was her only answer, and Michonne felt panic rise up within her. _Where are you? Mike, answer me!_

Coming to a stop and closing her eyes, Michonne took a deep breath. It had not been the first time since she had lost Mike’s voice. One moment he had been there, the next he was gone. It still frightened her every time it happened, because it opened up the possibility of one thing she knew she was not.

She was crazy.

‘I’m not crazy,’ Michonne murmured as she resumed her walk. Mike and Terry continued to follow; her bag of supplies strapped to Terry’s back. Their lack of arms had been a problem in the past, the bag just slipping off after a rough turn. So long as she kept them steady it would not fall off again. ‘I’m not crazy, I can talk to people. It’s how I made my living.’

She never got her answer from Mike as she kept on walking, the chained walkers made to follow her every move. She passed by the usual sights; the abandoned houses, cars, bus shelters; everything that stood as a monument to an age that seemed long gone and never likely to return.

It gave her a slight chuckle to think about the years she had wasted investing in matters that no longer mattered. The years at college and university to become a top lawyer, best in her field. The money spent on mortgages, her first and only marriage, her divorce, her insurance. All of it symbolised in pieces of paper that were sitting in cabinets gathering dust somewhere. All that time and money wasted that could have been better spent on something far more meaningful and precious.

_Would it really have mattered though? The world still went to shit anyway._

Seeing a lone walker up ahead, Michonne shook herself from her thoughts. Being continuously distracted in the manner she had been was a recipe for disaster, she knew that as well as anyone else as she approached the walker and dispatched him. The blood splashed onto her katana, red painting over the silver.

As the walker sprawled out onto the ground, now a feast for the vultures, Michonne found herself approaching a crossroads. Taking a stop, Michonne looked at what options she had. The radio tower was the object of interest that immediately caught her eye, and the building it was on top of was lit up like a Christmas tree.

_There’s someone there. Could it be Andrea?_

Michonne dismissed the thought. Despite the hostile outcome of their encounter, Andrea did not strike Michonne as impulsive enough to light up an entire building and attract all unwanted attention. Either the electricity in the building was still somehow jugging along due to a power source, or there really were naïve survivors who had no clue on what they were doing.

Michonne pondered. She had a nagging feeling that she should check the place out, for supplies if nothing else. She hadn’t raided or looted a single household despite passing many, so occupied with her thoughts regarding Andrea.

_‘Don’t go! It’s certainly a trap! Remember that couple at the beginning of all this, the ones who had the so called tire trouble? It’s the same thing here, but you know people have only gotten more dangerous as time has went on.’_

Michonne could have wept with relief as she heard his voice. ‘Mike, where have you been?’

_‘I’m always here for you, Mich. Always.’_

Michonne laughed softly, but the laughter died in her mouth as she looked at Mike the walker. He stared stupidly at her, docile as any farm animal. His milky eyes, once chocolate brown, had no life to them. He hadn’t been there for her in a long time.

Michonne blinked rapidly, and she shook her head. ‘You’re not real.’

_‘What are you on about? Of course I’m real? Just focus on being smart Michonne, we’re going to get through this.’_

‘I am being smart about this,’ Michonne murmured. She gave the radio shack a desperate look. The chains she held that tied Mike and Terry up had never felt heavier in her hand. She looked at the two pathetic men, only they could no longer be called men. They had died a long time ago, and only monsters remained.

And a voice inside of her head.

_‘Voice in your head? Are you okay, Michonne? Just take the other direction, you know it’s the smartest thing to do. Going to places like that is like writing your own suicide note.’_

‘Yeah,’ Michonne replied. ‘It is,’ she said as she dropped the chains. They rattled on the ground. The walkers continued to stare at her, still unlike any other walker for having been tamed. ‘And so is listening to you.’

_‘Wait, what are you goi-‘_

Roaring in triumph, Michonne decapitated the bodies with one slice. Mike and Terry’s bodies collapsed to the ground, and she herself followed them to the ground. The katana clattered onto the ground as she panted for breath, struck dumb by the enormity of what she had done.

Mike’s voice was gone. And for the first time since she had heard him, she was convinced she would never hear him again.

Michonne started to laugh. She lay on the ground for a while, laughing hysterically like a maniac. Her eyes were filled with tears. No longer holding the chains, she felt freer than she had in a long time. ‘Talking to a fucking voice, man,’ she murmured as she got her breath under control, before laughing again.

Once the giggling fit was over, Michonne pushed herself up and picked up the katana. She saw the heads of Mike and Terry, both still very much reanimated. She contemplated the heads, pondering on what she should do with them.

‘You deserve this. Both of you,’ she hissed. Bending down to pick the bag up, Michonne turned around to face the radio shack.

‘Here goes nothing,’ Michonne muttered as she made her walk to the building. She wielded the katana in her hand, not forgetting the possibility of danger. She _needed_ to go to the building, if nothing else than for it representing the straw that broke the camel’s back.

The doors were shut, and Michonne considered opening them. _No, I’m better off checking to see if there is another way in._ Giving the door a weary look, Michonne walked around the corner of the building to an alleyway.

There were no windows leading to the building, only brick and moss covering brick. Frowning, Michonne walked down the alleyway before turning the corner to the back of the building. A couple of cars stranded in the car park and weeds growing from cracks in the pavement greeted her. There were no windows still, but a door was there.

_I’m going to need to get in somehow. You might as well check the door._

Not wishing to debate within herself for fear of inviting an unwanted voice, Michonne threw caution to the wind and opened the door. To her surprise, the door clicked open with no effort. Taking one last look around the street, Michonne entered the unknown.

She almost gagged from the smell. The scent was one of musk, of death. It was one thing to become accustomed to it in the wilderness and an entirely different thing in close quarters. Flies buzzed in the small hallway that she found herself in, some of which were flying from an open vent. There were five candles at the end of the hall burning away, but if there were any scent to them it was not enough to combat the scent of decay.

Coming close to another door, Michonne pressed her ears against the surface. Her eyes widened upon hearing muffled voices, and she took another look at the door she had entered through the building.

_You can just leave, Michonne. Leave right now. You’ve got nothing to prove by doing this. Mike’s right. It’s suicide._

Michonne hesitated, but she shook her head. She wasn’t going to let Mike continue to dictate her life, make her every decision for her. If she ran into trouble, she was going to do it on her own terms. Not because of what Mike told her what to do and what not to do.

Before she could change her mind, Michonne opened the door.

‘And I looked, and behold a pale horse: and his name that sat on him was Death, and Hell followed with him! And power was given unto them over the fourth part of the earth, to kill with sword, and with hunger, and with death, and with the beasts of the earth!’

Michonne frowned as the empowering voice shuddered throughout the small room, which appeared to be a studio for radio broadcast. She desperately turned around to find the man speaking the passage, and if she had not she would not have seen Andrea backed up against the wall. Unconscious and with a bleeding head, Michonne noticed her hands were chained. The man was nowhere to be seen but his voice continued to boom on.

‘Andrea !’ Michonne darted towards the figure and bent down. Andrea groaned, and Michonne shook her. ‘Andrea, wake up.’

Andrea continued to groan, lost in a world of oblivion. Michonne grimaced before slapping the woman once, twice before she came to.

‘Michonne?’ Andrea’s voice was as dry as sandpaper as she blinked herself into a conscious world. ‘Michonne, what are you doing here?’

‘I’m trying to get you out of here,’ Michonne said. The voice in the room continued to roar with its gloomy messages about damnation and mankind’s end, something Michonne desperately tried to drown out herself. The voice reminded her all too much of the pastors in the churches she attended as a little girl. ‘Where’s that voice coming from?’

Andrea sprung alert, and with her tied up hands she clasped onto Michonne. ‘Michonne, you’ve got to get out of here! Before he comes back!’

‘What?’ Michonne expressed disbelief. ‘I’m not going to leave you here, you just hold on. I’ll get a key and get you out of here.’

The voice halted to a stop, and Michonne instantly turned cold at its absence. She quickly turned around, and she could hear the loud footsteps thudding along the hallway.

‘Hide,’ Andrea hissed. ‘Quick.’

Michonne faltered but seeing the desperation in Andrea’s eyes; complied. Quickly turning around to see where she could hide, she saw with mounting horror that there was nowhere to realistically hide. On the wall a sign marked **RADIO ROOM** stared back at her mockingly. Any furniture that had been in the room was removed, with only the broadcasting radio equipment remaining on top of a table that she could not hide within.

Bracing herself, Michonne quickly sprinted to the door just as the footsteps came to a halt outside. Pushing herself forward against the wall, Michonne squeezed her eyes shut as the door opened, covering her from view should the man turn around.

Unless he made a move for the door to close behind him.

Every second felt like hours as she dreaded that possibility, but it came to a pass. Deafening silence was the anthem in the room, as loud as fireworks on the fourth of July.

‘Did I hear you in here?’

The man’s voice was rough, sounding as if he smoked twenty packet of cigarettes a day. Michonne turned around slowly, feeling the all too tight gap between herself and the door. An accidental bump would send the door creaking, and the man would know she was there.

‘No, you didn’t,’ Andrea replied. ‘It must have been the tapes you’ve been playing.’

The man laughed, a hearty laugh that seemed to shake his very body. Having turned around now, Michonne saw that it was a heavy looking man. Judging by the wrinkles at the back of his arms he must have at least been in his sixties, but he was practically a giant in the small studio room. He towered over Andrea much like the radio tower had towered over the street.

‘I’ve heard every word of those tapes girlie; over and over again since the Apocalypse began. I’ve got them memorised like little babes who memorise the alphabet. You think I’m not going to hear your little rich bitch voice talking over them when I’m trying to spread the message for all the damned people of the United States of America?’

Michonne braced herself as she stood edged to her right, ever so slightly away from the door. The man leaned down to face Andrea, his face obscuring her vision. Michonne narrowed her eyes as the large sledgehammer he carried in his right hand, as if he were carrying a little screwdriver.

_He’s going to be tough to put down._

‘If you keep talking over these tapes, you’ll end up like the other sinners in the other room. They tried to deny what is in front of them, what is in front of us all.’

‘Fuck you,’ Andrea said. She spat on him.

The man laughed, before slapping Andrea. He left a red imprint upon her cheek, and he went to get up.

For Michonne, she knew she had to act fast. So she did. She sprinted forward with her katana, murder in her mind and racing against the clock to prevent the giant with the sledgehammer from getting up. _Keep him down, whatever you do keep him down!_

The man turned around and waved the sledgehammer as if it were a toy, cutting Michonne’s chase short. She leapt backward just in time; a second later and she would have felt the force of the hammer crush her stomach into mush.

‘What have we got here!?’ The man leered. He pulled the sledgehammer above his head, ready for the swing. ‘Another girlie?!’

The sledgehammer came crashing down. Michonne quickly ducked out of the way. Bits of wood exploded everywhere, some of the splinters showering upon her back. Not even taking a breath, the giant with the hammer kept swinging the hammer in desperate attempts to get at her.

Michonne kept moving. Every move and the man missed, but she was winding herself. _He’s going to get to me if I keep this up!_ Out of the corner of her eye she saw Andrea strain against her shackles, trying desperately to get out of her plight.

‘Fucking stop!’ The man roared, and he swung his hammer once again. Michonne ducked to the side one more time, and there was a crash of thunder as the hammer struck at the radio station equipment. The man’s roar erupted into a scream of bloody horror as the equipment became damaged beyond repair, no longer would it play the tapes of religious apocalyptic doom.

Screaming in a fury that she only possessed in close encounters, Michonne sprinted towards the man once more with her katana. His struggles to get the axe out of the machine left him vulnerable to her katana, and the blade went in his back.

The man’s scream was almost as deafening as his roar had been, but he did not go down as easy as Michonne had hoped. Inhumanely he turned around, forcing Michonne to jump backward as he waved his fists around. Judging by the size of him, Michonne knew just one hit from him would have been as powerful as any axe.

To her horror, Michonne tripped over a small hole on the floor, courtesy of the floor smashing the man had done. She fell on her back just as the giant himself fell on top of her, his hands reaching out and squeezing her neck.

Michonne choked. _Get the fuck off me! Get-_ She tried desperately to slap away the giant, but he kept his fingers squeezed into her throat.

Her world started to black out, and for the second time that day Michonne felt herself drift away to true peace.

_At least if I’m going out this way, I can go as just myself. Just Michonne._

The man’s fingers let go of her, and Michonne gasped for breath. The black world exploded in colours as she sat up, desperately trying to suck in as much air as she could.

Andrea was on top of the man, her shackles around the man’s neck. She was screaming in bloody horror, the kind of scream Michonne only heard from desperate men and women who fought against the hordes invading the FEMA to the last moment. It was clear Andrea was still bound by the wall, but the man had bene unfortunate enough to land just behind her.

The man quickly started slapping wildly behind him. He did not even look, so desperate was he that he just wanted to get rid of the nuisance behind him. His face was turning purple, but it did not stop his slap striking gold and knocking Andrea backward.

The man turned around, her katana still stuck in his blade. He had lost interest in Michonne entirely, his focus only on the blonde woman underneath him.

‘No,’ Michonne rasped. She pushed herself up on her feet, the world dizzy. His hands were no longer on her, but she still felt as if he were on still top of her. She almost stumbled in her quest to get to the man, but she remained steady.

_This ends now!_

Michonne reached the handle just as the man went for Andrea’s throat, and with a mighty effort and roaring scream she pulled the katana out. Blood splintered everywhere much like the splinters from the wooden floor. Andrea, with what limited room she had, managed to roll just in time to prevent herself from being crushed by the giant.

A silence followed as the impact of what just happened washed over them. Michonne stood panting, bloody sword in hand as Andrea sat breathless, both just looking at the man they had managed to bring together.

‘You okay?’ Michonne asked. Her voice was hoarse, and she dropped the katana as she gently touched her neck. She winced as she felt the bruise.

‘Me?’ Andrea gasped. ‘I should be asking you that!’

Michonne smiled. Andrea gaped at Michonne, before smiling herself. And before the pair knew it, they were both laughing a laugh that only those who had been through hell and back could experience.

The laughter eventually died down, and Michonne wiped away her tears. ‘I guess I’ll need to find the keys to those, then,’ she indicated the chains Andrea was still shackled to.

‘Yeah,’ Andrea said. ‘They should be in his pocket. I don’t think he was the type to go anywhere without them.’

‘You’re right,’ Michonne said as she checked the man’s pockets and clutched onto his keys, resisting a shudder that went through her upon touching the man. ‘I take it he was some religious nutbag?’

‘Pretty much,’ Andrea said. She became silent as Michonne leaned down to open the chains and allowed herself to be helped up by Michonne.

‘I think we should check this place out. If he’s lasted this long, he should have some resources that kept him going,’ Michonne said. She picked up her katana and went to move out of the room before Andrea spoke up. ‘Wait.’

Michonne turned around. Andrea seemed to shrink under her gaze, but she pressed on. ‘Thank you, Michonne. You’ve saved me twice now, and you didn’t have to. And I was so horrible to you earlier. You don’t deserve that.’

Michonne looked away, flushing slightly. ‘Don’t worry about it. And for what it’s worth, I wasn’t the best host earlier on anyway.’

Andrea smiled slightly, but she walked forward so she was face to face with Michonne. ‘It didn’t bother me, really. I was just dealing with some shit and I overreacted.’

‘Me too,’ Michonne said, thinking of the bodies at the crossroads.

‘If you would still like me to join up with you, I’ll happily do it,’ Andrea said. ‘If this is where we part ways, I understand. But I’ll never forget you for saving my ass.’

Michonne faltered at the determination blazing in Andrea. _She means this._ She thought of Mike’s voice, becoming more and more unrecognisable by the second, and his determination for her to be forever alone.

_You know yourself Michonne, you’ll be better off on your own._

Michonne raised out her hand to shake.

_No, that’s Mike talking through you. It was always you talking, nobody else._

‘Partners?’ Michonne asked. She hated the uncertainly in her voice, as if she would struggle without Andrea’s presence. She knew that wasn’t true.

_Too afraid to let the FEMA attack happen again._

‘Partners,’ Andrea said with a smile.

Michonne smiled back.

**Day 209**

The heat caused her shirt to stick to her like glue. It was a horrible feeling, but all the same Andrea never forgot the cold nights where she thought she might freeze in her sleep and never wake up. Being warm was preferable to the cold.

‘Hurry up Andrea, we don’t have much time,’ Michonne said as she strode into the room, dragging the walker in the sun dress by her feet almost effortlessly. ‘They’re going to come here in fifteen minutes, and that is if we are lucky.’

With the key in hand, Andrea walked over to the reception door. ‘Here’s hoping Michelle saved something for us,’ Andrea said as she inserted the key into the hole. ‘There should be something good in here, there has to be.’

‘Don’t worry about that, worry about the herd that is marching up our way,’ Michonne muttered as she pressed the katana into the walker’s body.

Andrea opened the door and quickly burst in, hatchet in one hand and gun in the other after putting the keys away. She paused in disbelief as she saw an open black bag on top of the table, the contents in full display.

_We hit the fucking jack pot!_ As if to agree with her, her stomach let out a hungry growl for food. She was all skin and bones at that point, she had been eating nothing but twigs and the rare rabbit throughout the winter.

‘Michonne,’ Andrea breathed as she marched back out to the reception area. Michonne looked up at her, clearly irritated as she hacked the body. ‘There’s a full bag in there, filled with tinned food. I’m talking forty, maybe fifty tins.’

‘In one bag?’ Michonne asked, dropping the katana on the floor. The stench and sight of the walker with its innards out would have made Andrea puke a long time ago. It never phased her now.

‘In one bag,’ Andrea nodded. She looked at Michonne. ‘Do you think we should stay here, ride it out?’

Michonne hesitated, looking at the body she had been mutilating. ‘It’s risky, Andrea,’ Michonne said. ‘That bag would attract attention to us, no doubt. Rattling away like there was no tomorrow. But what if they stay here, and we get found out and become trapped here? Would we make it on just fifty cans?’

The question was loaded like a gun. Andrea bit her lip. _We’ve done it before, huddled up in houses that could have become our tombs._

She said as much to Michonne, who sighed as she looked down at the walker with the sun dress. ‘Then help me carry her into the office. Lock the door. She’s still our get out card, if all goes wrong.’

Andrea nodded, but for good measure before she assisted Michonne she closed the entrance to the reception area. _Try and keep them out for as much as we can._ Sighing, Andrea grabbed one leg and Michonne grabbed the other as the pair dragged the body into the office. The walker’s innards fell to the ground as she was dragged, creating a bloody pool on the floor.

Locking the office door with a satisfying click, Andrea turned around as Michonne shut the curtains on the lone window. Darkness engulfed the room. Andrea braced herself against one of the walls, Michonne sat herself on the opposite side. The bag sat between them on the table. The walker had been left huddled in the corner of the room.

Through the darkness Andrea could make out Michonne, if only barely. It was a relief to see that much. Andrea nodded at Michonne, and Michonne nodded back.

_We’re going to be fine. We’ve been fine all winter._

The motel suddenly shook as if in the middle of an earthquake. Andrea found her hands tightly grabbing onto the loose fabric of the cheap carpet and pulling. _You never get used to this. I can get used to other things. The smell, the killing. But never this._

The force of an entire herd in its power was legendary, and their unending and relentless marching was enough to put the fear into the bravest of people. Andrea could hear them moan and hiss; so she closed her eyes. She wondered if she had made the wrong call.

_You’ve outraced them before. They don’t know you and Michonne are here. Relax._

Andrea opened her eyes, and to her disbelief saw that Michonne had shut her eyes and gone for a nap. Her katana never left her hand. How her friend could sleep in the situation they were in Andrea would never know. Michonne had surprised her in many ways throughout the time they had spent together.

She wondered briefly how Shane and his group were getting on, before dozing off to sleep herself. It had been a long couple of days.

**Night 209**

Andrea shook herself awake to the roaring of the dead. They were still moving forward, and the motel still shook from the force of their march.

_Must be hundreds of thousands. All of America, right outside Michelle’s Motel._

Andrea glanced over at Michonne. The woman was still sound asleep, and Andrea smiled slightly as she rubbed her eyes. She thought back to the day they had first properly met; and knew she couldn’t have gotten through the year if it had not been for her.

_There has to be something out there for the both of us. There just has to be._

**Day 210**

‘You ready to go?’

Andrea blinked as Michonne towered above her, katana in one hand and a bag of their supplies in the other. The bag with the tinned food still sat on the table. It was clear Michonne had no intention of carrying the heaviest bag.

‘They gone?’ Andrea groaned as she pushed herself up, feeling groggy. _I’ve felt better on a Sunday morning hangover._

‘They’re gone,’ Michonne said. She bent down to get the keys before walking over to the office door. ‘I’m glad we didn’t have to use her over there. I know you hate blending in with them.’

Andrea got up and yawned. ‘I don’t know how you do it, Mich. I know you used those walkers at the beginning, so you’re probably used to it, but I’ve never been able to get past how unnerving it is. Really.’

Michonne paused for a second, key in the lock. She turned around and a strange look passed over her face. Andrea felt concern bubble up. ‘You okay, Michonne?’

The moment seemed to have passed. Whatever Michonne had felt seemed to have disappeared. The woman only nodded before opening the door, not saying anything at all. Andrea followed her after picking up the bag of tins. The tins rattled as predicted.

_I’ve spent all this time with you Michonne, and I still feel like I barely know you._

Emerging from the darkness and stepping into the blinding light was shocking. Blinking rapidly to catch her surroundings, Andrea reached into her bag and took out a tin of peas.

‘I think we should eat first, Michonne. Just get something in us before we decide where to go today.’

Michonne looked at her almost curiously, before nodding. ‘Let’s eat.’

Andrea offered the tin and Michonne accepted graciously before using the tin-opener they had scavenged out of a house on one horrible winter night. Andrea watched on, no longer feeling as hungry as she had been the other day.

_Is that what we’ve got to look forward to every day from now on? Hidden gems like tin cans?_

It was a sobering thought. The sun shone bright and the heat was humid. But Andrea had never felt so cold.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just to let you all know as I wouldn't blame you if any of you forgot, but the whole radio shack scenario is linked to a passage in one of the earlier chapters where Dale and Morales overhear somebody on the radio reciting one of the bible passages. It is the one and the same guy, but there would have been no way for Andrea to piece that together in the story as she wasn't there with those two. 
> 
> I hope you all enjoyed! It was fun getting into Michonne's head, and I honestly never thought that I would have to write her different to the other characters until I remembered that yes, she talked to Mike in her head in the comics/show at the beginning. So that was really interesting. But her personal demons haven't been wrapped up in a single chapter despite what it looks like. She still has a lot of work to do and trauma to overcome.


	21. Day 210-211

‘C’mon, give me the cutters.’

Rick held his hand out to Theodore who passed him the bolt cutters from the bag. To his right Glenn drove a blade through one of the walkers, pinning him against the fence. The fence rattled against the weight of the body. Maggie was quick in succession to bring down a hammer against the walker’s head. The head burst like a water balloon.

Focusing on his task Rick bent down on one knee and started _snipping_. He had expected hard resistance, perhaps the bolt cutters would not be enough. Luckily for them all, it was.

_Our luck had to start turning around at some point, at least._

‘They’re coming.’ Hershel’s voice sparked urgency, and Rick turned around to look. On top of the hill from where the group had come from emerged the walkers in their own vicious groups, merging into one. At least thirty in total; every one of them had their meal in sight.

Rick shook his head and grabbed onto the wire he had cut, pulling it upward. The hole in the fence would be enough for any one of his group to squeeze through. It would also be enough for one of the walkers to push through should they press upon fences.

He did not need to urge anybody to get through. The children were the first ones, Eliza first and Carl last. He nodded briefly at Carl, fighting the urge to press down the guilt.

_He won’t need to do stuff like this anymore. This place will be safe for him._

The adults followed. He took care not to look Lori in the eye, the wounds in their argument from that morning as fresh as a summer flower. It would do no good to focus on the past, for right now they would be fighting for their future.

Once everybody was safely within the fence, Rick squeezed through the hole himself. The walkers from the hill were closer now, their feet sloshing through the water that encircled the prison grounds. His own trousers had been soaked in their mad dash to get to the prison, everybody carrying what little they owned and rushing towards a possible sanctuary.

_Not possible. It will be a sanctuary._

The stones crunched underneath his shoes as Rick emerged from the hole. Between them was another fence, and beyond that fence he saw overgrown grass that was upward in knee length. Former prisoners in blue jumpsuits were spread throughout that field, and they remained prisoners of a sort, trapped in the grounds with no way to get beyond the cage.

‘Here,’ Maggie said as she tossed Rick the wire. He accepted graciously and went to tying a knot as the walkers from outside, just ordinary civilians who had fallen victim to the virus as much as the prisoners in the fields, approached the fence. Rick’s hands felt slippery, but he tied the knot to secure his makeshift entrance just in time as the walkers battered against the fence.

Everybody in the group looked wearily at those walkers as they clawed to get in, their desperation increasing knowing that they were so close. The wire held the fence shut however, and the chase was on.

‘C’mon!’ Rick shouted as he turned to jog forward, and the group followed him. He could not help but take a quick chance at Lori, who was heavily showing. Patricia and Beth were the ones supporting her, just as much as Maggie and Billy were supporting a winding Hershel.

_This is the best place to be. I know it will be._

The walkers from outside shuffled along outside the fence, doing their best to reach the group as they ran between the two fences. It did not escape Rick’s attention that the walker prisoners were doing the same. Not all had noticed the new arrivals, but the ones who did were shuffling towards the inner fence.

The group came to a stop at a guard tower. The gate to get into the field was next to the tower. Rick crossed his fingers that the gate would slide open; otherwise they would have to use the bolt cutters again.

‘What’s the plan?’ Carol asked. She stood next to Theodore, not looking at anybody despite having spoken.

Rick studied the field now, having the advantage of a closer look. There must have been thirty prisoners out in the field, most of them scattered out here and there by themselves. The field sloped upward like a hill, and on top of that hill was another gated fence. Only the gated fence was wide open, and beyond that fence more walkers lay.

‘There’s a fence up there,’ he indicated so the group knew what he was talking about. ‘I think it’s best if we shut that off, prevent any more of these fuckers from flooding out.’

‘How do we get to it?’ Theodore asked. ‘There’s a lot of them already out.’

‘We get to the gate,’ Rick answered. He studied the gate and frowned at a lone walker that emerged. All the prisoner walkers had been male, but the lone walker was not a prisoner and certainly not a male. _Either a visitor, or they are getting in somehow._ The latter thought was discouraging to what he envisioned the prison could be, so he dismissed it out of mind. ‘One of us will have to run for it.’

‘I’ll go for it,’ Glenn said. ‘Either me or Billy, we’re the fastest ones here.’

‘Yeah,’ Billy piped up, ever eager to play the hero.

‘No,’ Maggie and Hershel said almost simultaneously. ‘It’s a suicide run,’ Maggie said. ‘There are a lot of them out in the field. I know we do it all the time, but you’ll be trapped in there like a chicken in a pen.’

‘Not unless we get to that tower,’ Billy pointed out. ‘Just shut the gate, get in. All of you can distract the rest and pick them off with our guns.’

Rick grimaced. ‘I don’t want to waste what little bullets we have left, Billy.’

‘Isn’t this a prison?’ Theodore asked. ‘There will be an armory somewhere, you reckon’? Unless the guards up and left with them all.’

‘There will be an armory somewhere,’ Rick said as he examined the area. The walkers who had noticed the group from the field only numbered ten, all now at the fence and clawing. They were background noise to the plans being made, and the rest didn’t see them at all. ‘It might be worth it with that in mind.’

‘So let’s do it,’ Billy at once went to the gate. Seeing the look in Hershel’s face, Rick put a hand out and stopped the boy.

‘No, Billy,’ Rick said. He saw Billy about to open his mouth, no doubt to argue his position and ask why he could send Glenn out instead. _Because you’re just a kid, and at this place you’re all going to start acting like it again_. He knew it would not cut any dice with Billy however, not after the runs he and Glenn had made throughout the winter season. It left only one option.

‘I’ll do it,’ Rick said. He turned to face the gate. ‘Just somebody lock this gate behind me, I don’t want to waste time. Run down the path where we came from, shout and distract the walkers. Shoot them if you can. Once I’m in the tower, we can pick them off at our pace.’

The group got to their task instantly. Even the kids besides Carl rushed off in enthusiasm, Rachel and Susie shouting for the walkers to look over their way. Morales battered a pot with a spoon. He grabbed the gate, ready to make his move as the walkers in the field turned to see what the commotion was.

Rick turned to see who would assist him, and his heart was in his mouth when he realised it would be Lori. She only stared at him as she pressed her own hands against the gate, between the two their history hung in the air. Not a word escaped their lips.

_We’ll talk at some point. We have to._

Noticing the walkers were far more spread out and the path to the gate was clearer, Rick gave Lori a nod as he pushed the gate open. He stepped out, and Lori quickly pushed the gate to a close.

The difference between being the fences and inside the fields was enormous. Rick felt the danger as he quickly ran, colt python in hand and the rifle strapped over his shoulder lightly pressing against him. Mucky water splashed against his jeans. Some of the walkers were distracted by the group’s chants and yells as they made noise. A few walkers did not, and they turned their heads around to leer at the new guest.

For Rick it was like running through a safari jungle. Brushing past the overgrown grass, Rick felt for a moment that crossing the water outside the prison had been far easier than navigating the fields. A walker in front of him crossed his path. Rick did not hesitate; he aimed the gun and pulled the trigger.

_One down; a thousand to go._

Out of the corner of his eye, Rick saw with mounting dread that some of the walkers who had been distracted by the noise the group had been making turned around to spot Rick. With snarls they moaned.

Rick pushed on against the grass and fired another shot at a walker who had lurched out to get at him from his right. It was a close call, and the body disappeared entirely as he fell into the grass.

That _thought_ gave Rick pause, and just as well. Looking down at the grass as well as the gate in front, Rick noticed a walker lying flat on his back. He had no legs, his innards spilled out from the bottom. The grass had covered him entirely. Rick swept out of his way entirely, thanking god and whoever else that he had seen him just in time. If he had kept on his path without looking, the walker could easily have reached out and sunk its teeth into his leg.

The gate lay ahead, getting closer with every step. What seemed like hundreds of walkers stood in the courtyard, the ones in front slowly but surely staggering towards the gates themselves. Rick understood then it was a race against time, and he quickened his pace.

The walker in front of him had been the female civilian. She would have looked lovely in her red blouse if her skin wasn’t rotting away like swiss cheese, half her face a ruin. Rick aimed the gun and fired, and she went down like the two he had already taken down.

The noise incited the walkers at the court, and they screeched that horrible way they did whenever they got roused up. Rick ran harder than he ever did in his life, the gate close yet so far away.

_C’mon, Grimes. C’mon!_

A prisoner in a blue jumpsuit was lucky enough to get to the gate just as Rick did. The prisoner snarled. With the rest of the walkers behind them inching closer to their potential ‘freedom,’ Rick did not even think as he kicked the prisoner with enough force to push him backward. Rick grabbed onto the gate and shoved with effort. The prisoner he had kicked was at the gates again just as he shut it with a satisfying _click_ , and Rick sighed with relief as more of the prisoner’s friends joined him in their doomed for failure quest in attempting to get inside.

Turning around, Rick’s relief melted like ice in the snow. Ten or so walkers were heading his way, and they were not as further behind as he thought they had been. He aimed his gun and fired as he made a run for the guard tower, not caring to see if he had missed or not.

As he reached the door to the tower, the thought of it being locked crossed his mind. _Wouldn’t that be something?_ He almost laughed at the thought, running on the high of knowing that at the very least he had prevented hundreds of walkers from the group’s conquest of the field.

He got to the door and opened the unlocked door successfully. He did not pause for a moment as he shot the walker who attempted to jump out at him like a jack-in-a-box, no doubt some poor sap who had hid in the tower and died in the darkness. Rick slammed the door shut before rushing upstairs, not even pausing for breath as he emerged back into the light.

Up top of the tower was a small office, and the office had a door leading to outside. Rick did not bother paying attention to the sheets of paper left on the table gathering dust, pressing onward to outside and going up to the railings.

Towering like a king above his people, Rick gave the thumbs up to Beth, who had been looking through with her binoculars. Seeing Rick, Beth shouted something that Rick could not hear above the masses of the dead. In moments, the shooting started. Bodies at the fence dropped almost immediately, before those scattered out in the field started to fall one by one too.

Rick aimed his rifle and focused on the legless walker that he only could have seen if he knew what he was looking for, thinking back to the first walker he had seen in the flesh. _Feels like a million years ago now._

He pulled the trigger.

**Night 210**

‘Lori, you need to join us.’

Lori looked up as she folded her blanket in the tent. Beth was looking at her in concern, biting her lip nervously. Lori could hear laughter and conversation flowing from the field, a sound she never thought she would hear again.

‘It’s fine,’ Lori forced a smile. ‘I’ve already had my scraps, I’m fine. Thank you.’

‘Yes, but we’re having a real feast tonight,’ Beth insisted. She walked into the tent and knelt down to be face to face with Lori. ‘You need to have all you can get for the baby. Rick says it’s okay, he’s convinced that the prison will have more food in the canteen.’

‘He would know,’ Lori said as she put her blanket to the side. She sighed as she touched her bump. ‘You want to feel?’

Beth had a shy smile that lit up her face, and she nodded. ‘May I?’

‘Of course.’

As Beth pressed her hand to her stomach, Lori tried to fight back the anxiety that she felt. _You’re just in a different situation than when you were with Carl, that’s all. Even the baby knows that somehow, it’s got to be._ ‘You feel anything? Lori asked, trying to keep her tone light.

Beth held her hand to Lori’s stomach before slowly shaking her head. ‘No, I don’t.’

Lori’s hopes died at her words. Her concern must have shown in her face because Beth’s own face tightened. ‘Is there something the matter?’

Lori sighed. _Should I burden this girl?_ Looking at Beth, Lori knew it would have been the wrong thing to do. Despite it all, Beth had maintained some sort of innocence throughout their winter ordeal alongside her younger sisters and Morales’ children. Lori thought of Carl as she always did and wanted to weep.

‘It’s nothing,’ Lori lied. ‘I’ll join in a minute, Beth. I’ve just got to gather my bearings.’

Beth nodded, seemingly convinced that Lori was telling the truth. ‘I’ll let Pat know, she’ll save some for you. She’s in charge of the meals tonight.’

‘Good,’ Lori said as the girl got up to go. Before she left the tent however, Lori stopped her. ‘Beth.’

‘Yeah?’ Beth turned around, halted in her tracks.

‘You don’t blame me, do you?’ Lori asked. Despite the warmth vibes that were flowing from the camp even to the tent, Lori felt cold all over as she approached a subject really poked at. _This is just another regret to add to the pile._ ‘About Lacey, I mean.’

Beth sighed and kneeled, brushing a string of hair that covered her eyes momentarily. They had all desperately needed haircuts, there just hadn’t been a time to take a breather to do so. _This night is the first since the farm, and I’m doing my best to ruin it for myself._ Lori waited with halted breath, wondering what Beth would say.

‘No,’ Beth shook her head. She seemed to shudder at her words, as if her own body betrayed what she really felt. But she shook her head again. ‘No, I don’t,’ she said with conviction. ‘She was dead the moment they grabbed onto her. If you hadn’t done what you did, I would have been dragged down with her.’

Lori exhaled, relief flooding through her. For a moment she could forget about the baby that had not kicked or showed any sign of life. ‘Thank you.’

‘It’s funny, you know,’ Beth said. She looked at Lori, but Lori had a feeling she was looking through at her and at something only she could see. ‘I haven’t thought about Lacey in a while. I used to have nightmares about it; every night I would wake up.’

‘Oh, darling,’ Lori said as she went to get up. Beth shook her head and motioned for her to stay.

‘It’s fine, Lori. Really. I miss her like crazy. I miss the arguments we used to have. I miss seeing her with a book in her face. I just miss her. If it hadn’t been for her, I wouldn’t have gotten from the farm. She talked me out of doing something crazy. I’ve never forgotten that. I owe her my life, and I owe you my life too.’

Silence followed, and Beth seemed to blush as Lori looked at her expectedly. ‘Sorry for rambling.’

‘Don’t be silly. That was really nice,’ Lori said. ‘She would be proud of you. It’s just at times I wonder if there was anything I could have done to get you both out alive, if I had acted any quicker or if there was something I could have done different.’

‘You can’t think like that,’ Beth said. ‘None of us can, or it’ll drive us crazy.’

Lori nodded wistfully thinking of her little boy out in the camp, already mature beyond his years and the risks he shouldn’t be taking. She thought of the baby inside and the mistake that had led to his conception, and how that same mistake had led to the ruin of her marriage.

_Too late for that, Beth. I’ve already made enough mistakes to drive me crazy for a lifetime._

‘You know,’ Lori said as she held her hand out. ‘I think I’ll join you right now after all. Can you help me up?’

*

A content silence passed throughout the group as they all sat in circle in the middle of the field, the fire having burnt out on the logs and the smoke drifted into the air. It was hot in a way that made clothes stick to skin, but it was a good warmth.

The only noise made were the far distant growls from the prisoners at their court, most of them having wandered off from the gate. The walkers outside the prison fences entirely were still clinging onto their fence and could still be heard as well. Morales did not want to break his good mood by turning around to look at them, or at the pile of bodies they had dispatched and left to rot in the far corner.

‘I have to say, Patricia, that was really lovely,’ Hershel said. He had been the only one still nibbling away at his food. ‘Closest thing to a feast since the farm.’

At his own words a downcast seemed to settle over members of the Greene family, Hershel included. Morales shifted uncomfortably as he turned to look at Louis and Eliza. Eliza was already drifting, he could see. Louis was taking it all in with wide eyes, food smeared across his face.

‘Thank you, Hershel,’ Patricia said with a smile as Morales passed Louis a bit of cloth. Louis screwed his face up but complied.

‘It was good,’ Morales said. Patricia smiled back at him knowingly, and Morales felt the familiar sensation of happiness and guilt that smile brought on.

_Quit it, Morales. She’s been a friend to you, a truer friend than you ever deserve. Don’t mess this up._

‘Makes a difference from just living on scraps,’ Glenn piped up. He shot a look at Rick as he said it, although everybody knew there was no malicious intent in the words. ‘No offence, Rick.’

Rick only nodded at first. He was the only one standing having paced the grounds constantly, checking for any weak spots in the fences and gates. Theodore had been with him initially and had retired to the circle long before Rick had come back. Rick finally said, ‘we did what we needed to do to survive. But there should be plenty of food for us in this prison somewhere. Enough to feed an entire prison population for at least a month.’

‘That’s more than enough to keep us going until I find seeds to start farming,’ Hershel said. Morales turned to him in surprise, having not considered the possibility. _Yeah, the old man’s right enough. This field is certainly big enough for farming. I could pitch in and help, make myself more useful than I have been._

He saw that Eliza had entirely fallen asleep now, and he gently covered the blanket over her.

‘It will. I just want you all to know I wasn’t being a monster with the rations. I made sure the kids got their bigger share too,’ Rick gave a pointed look at Carl. ‘It wasn’t going to get to the point of having to eat dog food, I wouldn’t have let it.’

Carl looked downward at his own tin of beans, pretending not to have heard. Morales gave an uneasy look toward Lori, who was staring daggers at Rick. Somehow Morales did not feel the night would end in an argument despite the warning signs. The night had been too pleasant for anybody to go out of their way to spoil it, Rick and Lori had to have known that.

Even still, Morales brushed his son’s hair as he chanced a look at Carl putting a spoonful of beans into his mouth. _I shouldn’t think too badly of Rick. He never asked me to risk my kids in the way he asked of his son. Did I do the right thing in shielding them best I could?_

It was a thought he had constantly debated about. Only Patricia had known of his doubts, and she had expressed that he had. Miranda if she had been there would have been a strong supporter of his decision for sure.

The thought of Miranda with Patricia on the same page only gave Morales more doubt.

‘It’ll be nice to farm. It’ll feel like just being at home again. And I never thought I would say that about farming,’ Billy said. Light laughter followed his statement, even if Hershel did not look amused. It did however stir him to turn around to face Beth.

‘Beth, darling. You mind singing us a song? I haven’t heard one in a while. All this talk has me missing everything about our home.’

Every face seemed to turn toward Beth; Morales included. She blushed scarlet under the attention and clutched tightly onto her diary. ‘Nobody wants to hear,’ she said.

‘Of course we do,’ Lori said. It had been her first words since joining the camp. Morales noticed that Carl looked up from his tin to look at Lori. The void between them was just as distant and rocky as between Lori and Rick, but Morales knew Carl missed his mother somewhat terribly judging by the looks he gave her. He vowed to speak to the boy at some point, even if it was not his place.

‘You were so good when Otis played his guitar. He loved it,’ Patricia was saying now. Morales saw the sadness in her eyes at the mention of Otis. Once again the guilt threatened to overwhelm him.

_She’s in mourning herself. She never stopped thinking about Otis, not in the way you stopped thinking about Miranda. Every time you went out of your way to make her laugh, she never thought about you the way. It was always Otis._

Beth seemed to hesitate, but her resolve strengthened when Maggie shot out her hand and held onto Beth’s. ‘We’ll sing together,’ Maggie told her. She only had eyes for Beth, and Beth nodded. Any doubt she had melted away as the sisters started to sing.

_Of all the money that e'er I had spent_  
_I've spent it in good company_  
_And all the harm that e'er I've done_  
_Alas it was to none but me_  
_And all I've done for want of wit_  
_To memory now I can't recall_  
_So fill to me the parting glass_  
_Good night and joy be with you all_

_Of all the comrades that e'er I've had_  
_Are sorry for my going away_  
_And all the sweethearts that e'er I've had_  
_Would wish me one more day to stay_  
_But since it falls unto my lot_  
_That I should rise and you should not_  
_I'll gently rise and I'll softly call_  
_Good night and joy be with you all_  
_Good night and joy be with you all_

Morales listened to every word. The sisters harmonised in a way that could only have come about because they had sung the same song multiple times over the years. He rubbed his eyes and went for a drink of boiled water, allowing the words to soak over him like a pleasantly warm bath.

 _Oh Miranda. I miss you so much._ He thought of her as she had been on their wedding day, stunning and beautiful in her white wedding dress and her little white slippers. It had been a thundery day, the clouds never let up and the rain continued to pour upon their reception day. Yet Miranda had bore it all unflinching; and Morales had never loved her more than that moment.

‘Beautiful,’ Hershel commented as the song drew to its close. All the group were just as caught up in the song as Morales had been, everyone murmuring their compliments.

‘Otis loved that one,’ Patricia said with red rimmed eyes. She reached over and hugged both Maggie and Beth. ‘Thank you, girls.’

Silence resumed reign afterwards, but the magic of the song lingered. Not even the snarls of the dead behind the fences could touch the moment. Morales brushed Louis’ hair when he saw that his boy had fallen to sleep like his sister.

‘It’s time we get some rest,’ Rick said finally. Everybody looked up at him expectedly. ‘It’s going to be a long day tomorrow.’ He indicated his head towards the prison court. ‘Tomorrow we go in there and clear that area out, might me we even get inside the building.’

‘Are you sure, Rick?’ Theodore asked. ‘Can’t we just wait here a couple of days? We can afford to now.’

Rick shook his head. ‘I know I’m asking a lot now that we’ve had this break. But if we wait, I’m afraid we’ll get tired and lazy. We’ve come so far to get to this point, but we’re nearly at the end point. It’s going to be tough clearing this place out, but once we do we can finally relax.’

‘What are we going to do?’ Glenn asked. Morales looked over at Glenn, who was focusing on Rick intently. _Ever the loyal soldier._

‘Tomorrow we go in, hand to hand.’ Rick raised his hand as the hushed murmurs spread throughout the group. ‘Not all of us. Most of you will be behind the fence, like you were today. But I’m thinking five of us push in and clear the court. I can’t do it on my own. You all saw that civilian that got in here. We can secure the court and block them off. We’ll take them out block by block if it comes to that. After that, it’s the end.’

Silence greeted his words as everybody looked at one another. Morales twisted his hands as he thought about the plan. _This is going to be tough._

‘Who are your five?’ Hershel asked. It did not escape Morales’ notice he had his eye on Billy.

‘Theodore, Glenn, Maggie, Morales and myself,’ Rick said without any hesitation. ‘If they are okay with that.’

Morales swallowed nervously as eyes fell upon him. As he knew they would, Theodore and the young couple agreed with nary a heartbeat. Morales looked down on his own children. _Hershel is going to plant some seeds for the farming._

He looked up and saw that Patricia was watching him, her face tight with concern. Morales attempted to crush the fear that was consuming and strangling his heart, but it only grew tighter.

‘I’m in,’ he said.

*

‘Rick.’

The group had retired to their tents. Those who had no tent slept out in grounds, blankets their only shelter. The shower of stars were out in full force tonight, millions and billions of them. It was the first peaceful night Rick remembered having for the first time in a long time.

_Until now._

Turning around he saw Lori walking towards him. He came to a stop from his pacing and allowed her to catch up with him. In truth Lori was more waddling than walking; but even he knew during the first pregnancy not to make such comments.

Lori looked at him, almost nervously and not for the first time Rick pondered on what a disastrous failure their marriage had become. _All it took was just one man._ Deep down Rick knew that to be a lie, remembering the cold and bitter night filled with words he could no longer take back. Those words had played over and over in his mind like a film record that had broken and was now forever looping.

‘Yes?’ Rick asked. He waited for her response.

Lori seemed to hesitate as she twiddled her thumbs, before shaking her head. ‘I wanted to talk to you about Carl.’

It was just the two of them in the middle of the night. Everybody else was sleeping after a day of hard work. Whatever could be said would be said now between them, and Rick braced for a fight that they had went over a million times.

‘What about him?’ Rick asked.

‘I noticed what you said, about the dog food. I saw that tin in the woods, but I thought nothing about it,’ she looked down at the grass. She did not look him in the eye, and that made Rick’s mouth bitter. _Why does it have to be this way?_ ‘I take it he was going to eat it?’

Rick nodded. ‘I snatched it away from him.’ He tensed, already knowing that Lori was about to go for an attack on his choices. He expected it, almost welcomed it compared to the awkward dance she was doing now. _Just get it out in the open._

Only he did not know if he could be prepared to defend himself. Seeing Carl with the tin had hit him like a truck. It was a sight he would not forget soon.

Lori nodded. ‘Good.’ She sighed before looking at the prison court where now of the walkers was banging their hands against the fence, desperate to get to the pair of them. ‘I just want to say we’ve reached a place that might be safe. I don’t want you using him like that anymore. It’s not fair on him. He’s just a boy. I don’t even care what he did to Sha-‘

‘Don’t say his name,’ Rick raised his finger to her. ‘Don’t.’

Lori nodded but she carried on all the same. ‘It was different out there. And Carl was mad at me too, just because I didn’t want him to be risking his life in the way you were. I’ve never felt more useless as a mother,’ she let out a bitter laugh.

The bitterness of the laugh took Rick aback. He did not know what to say; the words dying in his mouth before he spoke them.

‘I’ve never tried to talk to him about any of it, he’s always brushed me off. So I’m asking you Rick, please. Please don’t keep putting him in danger like that. Don’t send him out on runs and don’t ask him to take out walkers. He’s just a boy. You heard what Hershel said about farming. This is a place where he might actually become one again. He’s not completely lost, I don’t believe that.’

Tears gleamed in Lori’s eyes, and to Rick’s horror he found himself due to bubble as well. _We’re here now, Lori. We don’t have to keep doing this. Any of it._

‘He won’t,’ Rick said with firmness. Lori seemed slightly taken aback that he had agreed so readily, without so much as an argument brewing between the pair of them. Yet after a moment she nodded.

‘Is that all?’ Rick asked.

Lori nodded as she brushed her tears. ‘That’s all.’

Rick turned around, his own tears falling free. He marched away from his wife; he did not wish to let her see his vulnerability. In the distance he heard a murmur of words that occupied him throughout the night. The words were as gentle and haunted as Maggie and Beth’s folklore song.

‘Goodnight, love.’

**Day 211**

‘Are we all ready?’

Maggie tightened her hands around the machete’s handle. Rick’s words hit her like thunder, and she took a deep breath. _You can do this, Greene. You can._ She nodded her head as the rest said, ‘yes.’

‘Good. Remember, tight formation. All of us in a circle of sorts, cover every ground that we can. I don’t want any of us to break off at any point if it can’t be helped. It’s the way it needs to be to prevent any bites. You got it?’

Maggie joined in words this time as the group agreed with the plan. They stood in front of the gate that led to the court. Eight walkers were in front of the gate with their faces pressed against the metal links, and many more were scattered every which way across the court itself.

‘Let’s go,’ Rick said as he immediately marched to the gate. Maggie quickly followed after him as did Glenn, Theodore and Morales by her side. Heart in her mouth, Maggie wasted no time as she used the machete to poke through the holes the fence created and into the walker’s heads.

Time had not been kind for the walking dead. Their skulls had turned to mush since winter, no longer the hard surface they had been. It was much more easier to kill the ones who had been around a long time. She did not know if the same could be said for walkers who hadn’t yet experienced their first winter; the recently turned.

She did not know why she was thinking such irrelevant thoughts as the walkers at the gates were disposed of; only now that Rick was opening the gate she needed to focus.

_You’ve got it._

Rick went first, striking his blade into the first walker that came staggering his way. Maggie was next in line, and two walkers in front of one another reached out for her from the left. Not pausing for breath, Maggie quickly brought down the full force of her machete into the first walker’s head. The walker went down easy enough, getting the machete out was not.

_Shit, shit!_

With her strength, Maggie pulled the machete out before quickly hitting the walker reaching out for her. It was a moment that could have proved fatal if she had wasted another second. She exhaled with relief that it had not been so.

_Get your shit together, Greene._

She did. Glenn followed her before Theodore and Morales emerged into the court, and Billy and Carol closed the gates shut behind them. Maggie held her machete firmly as part of the circle, facing the left as the five paced forward.

There must have at least been fifty walkers approaching them from every angle. Maggie found herself hitting one after the other, the blood splashing out and covering her tank top. The heat was humid, and she found herself sweating but still she kept on going, not pausing for breath with every slash and strike she gave out to the dead.

The others around her did the same. Whether it be from axe or poker stick or sharp spear; Rick, Glenn, Theodore and Morales struck out at the walkers that came their way. They were a unit as they moved further into the court, each one had their job to do.

Maggie snarled after putting one walker down as another took his place. He was too close for comfort, and she found herself ducking backward as the walker tripped over the body. She swung the machete down into his head before pulling the blade out and darted back into place.

The group continued their march forward until they were below a small, gated bridge. The shadows of the bridge provided relief from the heat momentarily.

‘We’re doing good!’ Rick shouted. ‘Nearly all of them are dead!’

Maggie chanced a look backward and saw that he was right. They had left a trail of bodies in their wake, dozens upon dozens of them. The rest of the group waited behind the fences anxiously watching upon. Her eyes sought out her father most of all, knowing that he would have been terrified of losing her.

 _I’m not going to end up like them. I won’t let it happen._ Maggie made that silent vow in her head, hoping it would not come to pass.

Turning her attention back to the situation at hand, Maggie almost faltered when she saw the walkers from the other end of the court. Only five of them there were, which would have been a relief in itself if it were not for the fact they were geared up in body armour.

Their helmets would not make them easy targets.

Maggie cursed at the sight. ‘Get over here,’ Rick pointed to the double doors in the wall. ‘Back up against the wall. I don’t think they’ve seen us yet.’ Maggie did as she was told, but it was of no use. The riot-gear walkers staggered forward in the way walkers only did when they had their eyes set on something.

‘They’re coming for us,’ Morales said. His voice sounded urgent. ‘What are we going to do?’

The door pushed open suddenly. So unexpected was the moment that Maggie and Glenn let out shrieks, being the two that had been in front of the doors. To Maggie’s horror two riot-gear walkers emerged from the doors with their arms outstretched.

The time for action had been thrust into their hands sooner than expected. Still caught up in her surprise, Maggie snarled as she went to hit the first walker on the shoulder with her machete. His padded armour prevented the machete from cutting through the armour, just as she expected.

_Think, Maggie. Think! How are you going to bring them down?_

Maggie didn’t need to think; however, the solution was obvious. Maggie roared once again and pushed the walker against the walls. Glenn and Theodore were occupied with the other walker, whereas Rick and Morales seemed ready to prepare for the ones heading their way.

The walker struggled against Maggie but she continued to push him against the walker. She let her machete go and it clattered to the ground. Reaching for her hunting knife strapped to her holster she grabbed onto the blade with one hand before yanking the walker’s head up, exposing his vulnerability.

Maggie dug her knife into his throat. Blood splattered across her face, but the walker continued to reach out for her, pinned against the wall as he was. Maggie only drove the knife deeper in, until finally he went limp against her.

Letting out a small laugh of joy despite the situation; Maggie dropped the body before quickly grabbing onto the walker in front of Glenn and Theodore. ‘Go for their throats!’ She shouted. ‘Lift the helmets up and go up their throats!’

Glenn and Theodore did not need telling twice; and neither did Rick and Morales. Glenn yanked up the walker’s head and Theodore drove his spear into its neck. Rick and Morales started their work upon the first that had headed their way, before Maggie and the other men went over to help them.

A movement from ahead slowed her to a stop however, and her heart was in her mouth at the sight. Hidden from view by the wall was another court and pinned together like cigarettes in a smoke packet were at least one hundred walkers.

The gate was still open. The walkers could spill out into the main court at any point.

‘Shit,’ Maggie said. As Rick and the rest dealt with the riot gear walkers, she saw with increasing horror that the noise they had been making was beginning to attract those in front. A couple of civilians in a sea of blue stood out from the crowd, answering questions as to where they had come from.

Maggie ran ahead to the gate. The walkers snarled and as always, their noises increased in intensity at the sight of her. ‘Maggie, stop!’ Glenn shouted out, but Maggie only had eyes on the gate. She reached the gate just as the first civilian did, his arms outstretched towards her.

Maggie drove her knife into his head. The knife went in easy enough, but in seconds Maggie knew she wasn’t going to get the knife back from out of his head. Allowing the walker to fall backward, Maggie quickly turned and grabbed onto the gate. Her heart beating fast against her chest, Maggie pulled with all her might. The gate protested as noisily as the walkers did with their sounds as she pushed it along. Time seemed to forever halt on the one moment as what seemed like hundreds of arms reached out to get her and embrace her in their grasp.

But in a manner of seconds, it was done. The gate clicked shut as all the walkers slammed their bodies against the gate, jaws snapping furiously as they tried to get at her.

_So close. So fucking close._

Maggie let out a laugh filled with nerves as she turned around and bent down to her knees. At that moment Morales killed the last riot-gear walker. Rick and Glenn approached her as Theodore picked up one of the helmets and examined it curiously.

‘You okay?’ Glenn asked. He knelt down to hug her. She hugged him back.

‘Never better,’ she said. She found she meant it.

Rick whistled as he looked at the walkers behind the gate. ‘Good job, Maggie.’

*

Theodore felt no qualms in removing the helmet from the body; upon a closer look he grimaced in disgust after seeing the inside. Moldy skin had attached itself to the black tar. Theodore threw the helmet to the ground.

‘We’re fine!’ Glenn was shouting as he raced with Maggie to the fence where the group was standing; anxiously awaiting to see their next move. ‘We’re fine.’

‘What do you think?’ Rick asked Theodore. Theodore looked up at him curiously.

‘Think about what?’

Rick sighed before turning his attention to the walkers at the gate. Theodore looked at the walkers himself and frowned. In front of the gate he could make out the feet of the walker Maggie had managed to kill; that walker was trampled by the horde. A couple of civilians were in open display with the rest wearing their overall blue jumpsuits.

‘I think it’s going to be a tough task,’ Theodore said. ‘Harder than we might have thought.’

Rick nodded. ‘It’s going to be the hardest thing we’ve done so far.’

Theodore scoffed and shook his head, keeping his tone light he said, ‘Getting out of Atlanta after you shot up the place will always be my number one.’

Rick chuckled slightly. It was a rare sight for Theodore; he could not recall the last time Rick had kept things light. Ever since the farm he had been serious. ‘That was a top five moment,’ Rick said before indicating for Theodore and Morales to follow him.

They regrouped back at the group. Carol looked toward him expectantly, and Theodore gave her a quick nod. _I’m okay; you don’t have to worry._

‘What’s the plan, Rick?’ Hershel asked from beyond the fence.

‘I think we’re going to go inside, still just the five of us,’ Rick answered. He pointed towards the double doors and the gate just out of sight. ‘There are a whole lot of them spilled out there and the doors were easy enough for a couple to push through. I think there is a spillage somewhere. It’s better to try and block it off so we don’t wake up the next morning to see more of the bastards out again.’

Hershel nodded. ‘You still want to keep going, Maggie?’

Maggie nodded her head which didn’t surprise Theodore. ‘You can’t look out for me all the time, dad. You know I can do this.’

‘I should go, then,’ Hershel said. He went to reach out towards the gate, ignoring the startled protests from Rachel and Susie as they clung onto his trousers. ‘It can’t just be you five out there doing all the work.’

‘No,’ Rick said in a tone that dared him to argue. ‘You’re our only medic Hershel, our biggest asset. None of us can afford to lose you.’

Hershel looked ready to argue. Theodore darted his head to see if any walkers had pushed through the double doors yet, all too conscious of the time they were wasting talking and not doing anything. He thanked god when Carol intervened.

‘It’ll be fine, Hershel,’ she held onto Hershel’s shoulder. ‘Maggie knows what she is doing. They all do.’

Theodore looked at her curiously then, and she looked back. It was a brief second that nobody saw, yet it was enough for the pair of them. _Is she coming around then? Or is she just saying that to pacify Hershel._

Hershel seemed convinced, but through the fence he held onto Maggie’s hand. ‘Be careful dear.’

‘I will,’ Maggie said before kissing his hand and letting go.

‘You too, Morales,’ Patricia said. Everybody joined in a chorus of good luck and best wishes, encouraging the five to tread further into their exploration of the prison. And just like that they were approaching the double doors, uncertain of what awaited them inside.

_More of these fuckers no doubt about it._

Theodore took the time to look at the building itself. It certainly didn’t look modern; it reminded him of castles from the picture books. There was something intimidating about the age of the building; it did not look at all inviting. He didn’t doubt it was suffering from neglect before the outbreak.

At the double doors; Rick anticipated their nod of approval before pushing the doors and entering. Theodore followed with his spear. A set of stairs greeted them, and the group took each step carefully as they examined the first room of the fortress they had found themselves in.

There was an eerie quiet in the room. Theodore felt the hairs in the back of his arms stand at the atmosphere. There were four tables and seats that resembled benches nailed to the floor, with a set of stairs leading up to an unknown room. Next to the stairs was a door leading to a block aptly named: **CELL BLOCK C**.

To his left was another set of double doors that were left wide open. Theodore motioned for Morales to follow him as they both quietly shut the doors, not wishing for a flood of walkers to come pouring through.

‘You hear that?’ Glenn asked. Theodore leaned in to listen. At first the whole room seemed to be as silent as a crypt for him; upon further listening he could hear the distant moans and slight scratches coming from Cell Block C.

‘Yeah,’ Theodore approached the door. Looking through the bars he saw no walkers in the hallway, but it did not escape his attention that the walkers making the noises were coming from the cells.

‘They’re dead in their cells,’ Theodore said. He shivered slightly as he imagined how the prisoners must have gone out; trapped within their cells and unable to get out as the entire prison fell to the walking dead. Left to starve and rot in the tiny rooms, now forever trapped in their sealed tomb.

_No. Don’t feel pity for those fucks. It was their kind of people who raped and killed your Veronica. They made their grave a long time ago._

Theodore spat on the ground. He attempted to move the door, but it wouldn’t budge. He figured it was locked and he looked as Rick walked up the set of stairs, gun in one hand and axe in another as he waited outside the office door.

‘I think this was their canteen,’ Morales said. ‘Just a general resting area. Not for the prisoners but for the staff. Makes sense if that is the office up there.’

‘Makes sense,’ Maggie answered as she went to sit down on the table. She looked tremendously tired, but Theodore noticed she never let go of her machete.

Rick pushed the door open; but nothing jumped out at him. Theodore found himself bolting up the steps anyway; wondering what he would find. As he reached the top he came across a sight that reminded him of Michelle’s Motel.

A guard had been left to sit in the chair. His expression was carved in fear, a horror that only he could see. He couldn’t have been older than twenty. Theodore spotted the bullet hole straight away on his head, but he also saw the handcuffs that tied his wrists together.

The sight made him disquiet, although he could not say why.

‘I think those are the keys for the blocks,’ Rick said. Theodore noticed the keys on top of paperwork scattered on top of the table. Paperwork that would never again be essential for any use barring being put to fire, dusted in abandon.

Theodore picked up the keys. He tried to ignore the guard.

He failed.

*

‘It’s up to you now,’ Rick was saying as he went down the steps. Theodore followed him with a set of enormous looking keys in hand. ‘I’m for either or; I’ll let you all decide. I’ve already asked a lot from you today.’

Glenn looked at Rick as he held his hand out to Maggie. She accepted graciously and stood by his side, Morales on his other as they waited on Rick.

‘We can either call it a day right now. Just go in Cell Block C and kill the walkers in their cells; invite everybody in and have a well earned rest there. It’ll beat having to stay out for another night; I think we can all agree that we’ve had quite enough of that.’

Glenn resisted a bitter chuckle. _Yeah, I don’t want to sleep under the sky again. A roof for me, thanks._

‘Or we can press on,’ Rick said. He motioned to the double doors leading to the hall. ‘It’s obvious so far that they are in there. I can’t shake the feeling that the ones outside can just as easily get inside and they’ll come flooding through. I’m not saying we kill them all, but just block their way like me and Maggie did with the gates. I don’t want to push us anymore more than that today, this is already a great victory with what we did today.’

Glenn took in his words as he kept staring at the doors. He nodded as he listened, understanding the implications and what was at stake.

‘It’s up to you,’ Rick said. He raised his hands.

Glenn turned to look at Maggie as instinct would have it. He knew from the determination in her eyes what she would say before she said it. _She’s wanting to do it now._ That made his decision all the easier.

‘I’m in,’ Maggie said. ‘It’s better just to get it done now; we don’t know what could happen if we just leave it like it is.’

‘I agree,’ Glenn said. He squeezed her hand and she squeezed back.

‘If you two lovebirds are in, I’m in as well,’ Theodore said. He shot a grin at Glenn, who only grinned. _If he had done that to me back at the farm I would have been a blushing mess._

Morales seemed to hesitate as everybody turned to face him. ‘I don’t know, shouldn’t we just have a rest guys?’

‘You can have a rest Morales,’ Rick told him firmly. ‘None of us will force you to do anything you don’t want to do.’

Morales nodded at his words but he seemed lost in thought. ‘Do you think it is dangerous? Leaving them right now?’

‘To tell you the truth, Morales. Yes I do,’ Rick said. ‘If there is one thing I’ve learned from this year is that anything can happen at any moment, no matter how safe you may think you are. I think we all learned that too well at the farm.’

Glenn softly patted Maggie’s back; remembering that night and all it entailed. _Arnold._ He could not get the man’s face out of his head; his acceptance that he wasn’t going to make it out of the RV. _This is why we’re doing this. So something like that doesn’t have to happen again._

He could not help but remember a retirement home back in Atlanta that had seemed fairly safe; only to be completely overrun by the dead a couple of days later. _Poor Holly. We’ve lost too many people._

Rick’s words seemed to light a fire in Morales’ determination. ‘Then we do it,’ he said with a finality that Rick could have envied. ‘If it it’s just this once.’

‘It will be,’ Rick said as he went to shake Morales’ hand. ‘It will be.’

The five quickly got their bearings, each determining they had their weapon. Maggie and Theodore went to open the door, but Glenn stopped them.

‘I don’t think this hallway is well lit at all,’ Glenn said. ‘I’ll be surprised if there are any windows. We’ll need a torch to light the way. And I think something to mark the halls that we’ve travelled so we know where to turn back to.’

Rick nodded. ‘Makes sense, Glenn. Thanks. I think there were torches on those guards. I just don’t know what we could mark the walls with.’

‘Doesn’t have to be anything fancy. Maggie’s machete will do. Just make visible scratches on the walls,’ Theodore told her. Maggie nodded.

Once the torch situation was taken care of, the five braced themselves as they set out into the darkness. Glenn took a deep breath before doing so; remembering the tunnel he and Jacqui used to try and get out of the department store.

_You’re not the same kid you were back then. You’re a man now; act like it. Don’t be afraid of the fucking dark._

‘You okay?’ Maggie asked him in concern. Glenn nodded, and gave her a kiss on the cheek to let her know that he was okay.

‘Ready?’ Rick asked.

Glenn nodded and Rick pushed the doors opens.

They descended into pitch darkness. Glenn wielded a poker stick in one hand and a torch on the other. There was an eerie chill in the air as the group huddled together, creeping slowly but surely down a hallway with poor light to show them the way.

_This is worse than that tunnel! This is fucking madness, we’re idiots who deserve to die._

Approaching the end of the hallway to turn to a corner, Glenn felt his heart beating like pitter patter as he leaned in to hear a noise, any sort of noise that would indicate the walkers would be around the corner. There could be none heard. Glenn’s torch illuminated Rick’s face, who seemed to be contemplating on what decision to make.

_Let’s just turn back. This is insane._

To Glenn’s disappointment, Rick nodded for them to turn around the corner. Taking another deep breath, Glenn turned the corner. The lights showed that it was just another hall with nothing to distinguish it in anyway. There were still no windows.

‘Mark the wall,’ Rick hissed. Glenn shone the light for Maggie to grab her machete and to cut into the concrete wall. She marked an arrow that pointed towards the hall they should go, but Glenn doubted he could see the arrow if he had lost his torch.

_This is a fucking stupid plan._

Glenn felt the words rolling on top of his mouth but stopped them from coming out. _Rick had led the that far, hadn’t he? You were never one to be part of a group on these types of runs. Unless it was just one other person, it always ended in disaster._

He thought of the supermarket incident and could have groaned for visualizing the consequences of that trip; knowing how close they had all come to certain death and the price he had to pay to prevent it.

‘Let’s go,’ Rick said now after the arrow was marked. The group walked the hallway before rounding another corner. This time there were empty cells on either side, each cell with its toilet and bunkbed from what little could be seen in the darkness. Glenn doubted the toilets were functional; but he had seen better miracles. Little to none of the cells were shut off.

_At least we will have our own toilet if this works out._

The thought made Glenn smile, and the fear that had been suffocating him melted away. It had just been nerves; he decided.

The group passed the cells. With a chance look with his torch Glenn noticed a faded strain on the floor from one of the cells; yet he could not tell the colour in the darkness. _Either way it’s old. Could just be a piss stain._

At the end of the hall the group found themselves facing two routes they could go. Shining the torch for Maggie to mark her arrows, Glenn saw no sign which indicated which route they could go to take.

_We don’t even know where we are going to decide anyway._

‘It would make sense to be on the left, right?’ Morales asked. He was the first to speak as what seemed like hours stretched by as the group pondered on where to go in their minds. ‘I think going right would bring us deeper into the prison. Going left will probably take us to the court if we can.’

‘It would,’ Rick said. ‘Let’s go.’

The group went left. Glenn didn’t waste the opportunity to turn around to look at right, and wonder what could have been.

_You’ll find out soon enough._

Shaking his head, the group found themselves going through another hallway. This hallway was also another cell haven. Glenn made a move forward, but Maggie quickly pressed her hand against Glenn’s chest.

‘You hear that?’

Glenn shone his torch down the hall, dread mounting as he feared what he was going to see. To his relief the hall seemed to be empty, although there was a passage leading down to the left. Another corner to go.

He saw no immediate danger, so he leaned in to hear what Maggie was hearing. It was the sound of a soft sigh, as if a toilet pipe had gone burst.

‘Be careful,’ Rick whispered. Everybody nodded. Glenn saw Morales gulp, and making sure the man could see him reached out to pat him on the shoulder to reassure him. _He was the only one who didn’t want to do this from the jump. At least there is a smart one around us._

Morales smiled weakly at him before they continued. Glenn and Morales walked down to the hall after the rest when Morales yelped, and Glenn quickly shone his light around.

One moment Morales was next to him; the next he was dragged backward to the cell on his left. A walker, more skeleton than body, was snapping its sunken jaws as it held onto Morales. The bars between the two were the only thing saving Morales from being bitten at that moment, but any second and the walker would land lucky with its teeth.

Glenn quickly dived forward and grabbed onto Morales, dropping the torch to a clatter. He reached out with his poker stick and hit the weapon against the skeleton walker. The skeleton walker took the blow with almost dignified grace, going down like a glass ballerina and letting Morales go.

‘Morales, you okay?’ Theodore asked.

Morales panted as he dove forward in desperation to escape from the skeleton walker. It was the biggest mistake he could make. As Glenn grabbed the torch, he saw to his horror that there was a walker lying on the floor in the cell opposite of the skeleton walker.

There was no door to prevent the walker from grabbing onto Morales’ foot. Morales screamed in ungodly pain as the walker sunk its teeth into his foot.

‘Morales!’ Glenn shouted. There was clattering from across the wall as more walkers seemed to spring from the darkness, all of whom were desperate to escape from their locked cells. Glenn quickly dove forward and with his poker stick slammed the weapon into the walker’s head.

Morales collapsed to the ground, blubbering. ‘It’s going to be okay,’ Glenn said frantically as he grabbed the man by the shoulder. He looked up in desperation as Rick, Maggie and Theodore quickly approached.

_This can’t be happening. This can’t be happening._

‘It hurts!’ Morales wailed. Glenn saw the sweat drop from Morales’ skin. ‘It fucking hurts, man.’

‘I know,’ Glenn said, not knowing and sounding distant as the second passed. ‘We’re going to get you out of here, aren’t we?’

He went to push Morales up from the floor. ‘Someone give me a hand!’ Glenn shouted. He saw Rick move and grab the other side of Morales, and the pair of them lifted Morales up from the floor.

The rattling from the cells were pounding drums in Glenn’s forehead in addition to the screaming of Morales in his ear; but what drowned it all out was the hissing emerging from the end of the hallway. He turned around and even with no torch illuminating them, Glenn knew that a horde of walkers were marching down the hall.

‘Go! Go! Go!’ Theodore was shouting. He turned around and fired blindly at one of the walkers with his gun. With the weight of Morales, Glenn and Rick found themselves running. Maggie was in front of them. With every step taken, Morales began to feel heavier and heavier.

_I knew something like this was going to happen! I fucking knew it!_

Maggie suddenly stopped, and Glenn almost barged into her. ‘What is it!’ Glenn shouted, but he heard before he saw Maggie’s light illuminating more walkers on the floor, crawling from the cells that they had passed earlier.

Maggie reached out for her gun from her holster and fired once, twice and thrice. She hit every target, but more were crawling and now starting to stand up; fully awakened from their slumber which they had awakened.

All too conscious of the walkers behind them in the hall, Glenn felt the world begin to spin. _We’re going to die. I’m going to die in a fucking prison!_

‘To the right!’ Rick was shouting now. ‘Take the path we didn’t take before!’

None of them needed to be told twice, although with every step they took Glenn felt his fear beginning to take over his thoughts completely. _If you start this shit you’re going to die! Snap out of it._

Up ahead in the hallway they saw a set of double doors. Glenn heard Theodore fire another shot at the advancing walkers, whilst Maggie slammed her weight against the doors to push them open. The doors did not open.

_This is it!_

‘It won’t open!’ Maggie’s cry only added to Glenn’s hysteria. _She doesn’t deserve this. None of us deserve this._

‘The keys!’ Rick shouted. ‘Maggie, here,’ Rick handed his keys to Maggie. There must have been at least two dozen in the small ring. Glenn inched his head backward and saw that the walkers were now in sight. They had little time for Maggie to get the key.

Morales had stopped screaming entirely. He was now unconscious, probably in shock. Glenn saw that he was spitting blood.

Theodore fired again as Maggie placed the first key in the door. The walkers pressed forward in their march. Maggie cursed as Theodore fired again. Theodore’s gun clicked indicating he needed to reload. Maggie removed the key. Glenn felt as if he would buckle under the pressure of Morales. Maggie entered another key. Theodore fired again.

The key clicked, and Maggie pushed the doors open.

Glenn _jumped_ more than ran into the room. He did not know how he and Rick did it, couldn’t even take the seconds as they lowered Morales down the fall. Ugly yellow light shone upon them all, and it was a blessing Glenn never thought he could ask for.

Theodore slammed the doors shut just in time; a second sooner and they would have flooded into the room. Theodore kept his weight against the door however, there was no guarantee they still would not flood into the room.

‘We can still save him,’ Rick was muttering under his breath. Glenn saw him reach for the axe that Rick had dropped on the floor.

‘What are you doing?’ Glenn asked. Morales lay below them, his entire body already shivering from the infection. Rick lifted up the trouser leg to expose his bite wound.

‘Hold him,’ Rick said. He looked into Glenn’s eyes, and Glenn saw Rick was begging him to follow his lead and trust him.

Glenn held Morales. What followed next was Rick swinging the axe down into Morales’ knee.

Morales broke from his unconscious state and screamed. It was an inhuman scream. Glenn saw the axe become _stuck_ , and he felt as if might throw up the evening’s feast. Morales continued to scream as Rick pulled at the axe to get it unstuck before he struck again.

It must have taken four blows in total. Morales faded into a state of unconscious entirely after the third blow, held tight by Glenn as if he were a baby.

By the fourth blow, only a string of tissue connected Morales’ knee to the rest of his body. Rick pulled the knee away, snapping the tissue.

Glenn puked. The image would forever be imprinted upon his memory now. Of that he had no doubt.

‘What did we do?’ Rick asked. Glenn looked up and saw him drenched in Morales’ blood, his eyes not leaving the amputated knee. He was visibly shaking.

‘Get back!’ Maggie’s voice could have been the only thing to grab him from the situation, and it did. Glenn turned around in alarm and saw she was holding her pistol to the other end of the room. She quickly aimed the gun up at the ceiling and fired, a warning shot. ‘I said get back!’

Glenn looked over to see five very living prisoners, each one in their blue prisoner jumpsuits and their hands up in the air.

‘Fuck you for telling us to get back,’ the prisoner who seemed to be the leader of the five replied. ‘This is our home.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all enjoyed. It was a bit hard doing this one, sometimes action scenes are the easiest ones to write for me and other times they are just so hard. For example the Rick running through the field was easy for me, the words just came to me. But Maggie clearing out the court was quite difficult. I hope I pulled it off.


	22. Day 211

Maggie tightened her grip on the trigger. ‘I don’t care if it’s your home! Get back or I’ll shoot!’

For a moment that stretched onto eternity the only noise in the room was the harsh breathing from the living and the hungry snarls from the dead; their desperation beyond the doors to get into the cafeteria could be heard for everyone to hear.

The prisoner who had spoken to her watched her with intent eyes. Maggie had never felt as naked wearing clothes as she did in that moment. She could feel the sweat glisten on her forehead.

_I’ll shoot this one if it comes to it._

‘Please, we don’t want any trouble.’ One of the prisoners, an elegant looking man despite his attire; stepped up to stay. Another prisoner snarled in response. ‘Shut the fuck up, Oscar!’

‘I won’t,’ Oscar replied coolly. ‘They’re the ones in control, the ones with the guns. Not us. You best get that through your thick skull.’

‘Why don’t you say tha-.’

‘Enough!’ Rick snapped. Maggie looked cautiously over her shoulder for just a moment to see how the situation was unfolding with Morales. Blood was everywhere, on the floor and on Rick and on Glenn. Glenn in particular looked like he had been showered with it.

And on the floor was Morales’ discarded foot, unattached to his body.

Maggie looked back at the prisoners. The leader of the pack, not Oscar but the one with the intent eyes, shut up at Rick’s command.

‘Guys, this isn’t going to hold for much longer,’ Theodore’s voice was filled with panic. Maggie turned around in alarm as she heard the doors creaked under the pressure. Theodore turned out to be correct as the doors came crashing down, buckling under the pressure. Theodore narrowly avoided being squashed by the door by diving away.

The dead poured in like a wave.

The prisoners backed away in alarm. If it were not for the urgency of the situation, Maggie would have felt a little satisfaction at that. Instead, she turned around and fired upon the walkers, the bodies falling to the floor as she hit perfectly. One walker she grazed upon the neck and he fell onto the floor, but he was within open reach for Theodore.

‘Theodore, look out!’ Maggie screamed.

Hearing her warning Theodore dived to his left as the walker reached out on the floor, his arm outstretched to get to the man. Shouting in fury, Theodore kicked the walker with alarming force. His head exploded and disappeared in a shower of blood.

_This isn’t going to end well!_

Glenn and Rick rose from the floor now, leaving Morales in his quivering but unconscious state. Weapons in hand, they fought back against the dead. They sliced and diced with Theodore; the ones they did not get were shot upon by her. Soon enough Maggie felt as if she were just a cog in the machine, working as one part to a greater whole. She felt no fear, only a calm resolve to get the job done. She did not know why she had panicked so much in the chase to the room, or how once upon a time she figured the walkers to be as living as her.

Before she knew it, it was over. Dozens upon dozens of bodies scattered throughout the dirty cafeteria floors, each with their heads either bludgeoned or shot.

_Did we do that?_

Maggie _breathed._ She turned around to face Glenn and went to say something. She didn’t know what. The words died at the tip of her tongue as she took in his expression. He was pale as chalk, paler than she had ever seen. His eyes looked not so much at her but through her.

The calm exterior Maggie displayed throughout the slaughter melted away instantly. _There’s something deadly wrong here!_ She went to say something, she did not know what, but Rick interrupted before she could.

‘We need to get Morales to Hershel asap!’ Rick was already back at Morales’ side. Morales had not stirred once during the commotion. The blood kept spilling onto the concrete floor. ‘Is there something we can put him on to get him out of here?’

‘Here!’ The prisoner called Oscar marched over to the other side of the room. Maggie raised her gun as if by instinct, and she noted Theodore also held onto his spear in a threatening motion if Oscar so much as blinked in the wrong way. She did not forget the supermarket.

Oscar grabbed a trolley table that had been pushed to its side. He pulled it upward and rolled it over. Rick muttered his thanks as Oscar placed it beside him.

‘Let me give you a hand,’ Oscar was saying now.

‘I don’t think so!’ Theodore all but snarled. With a tight shove to Glenn, the two men approached Rick. ‘We’ll get him. Come on.’

Maggie kept her gun pointed at the prisoners. Oscar only raised his eyebrows at her before walking over to the group. The leader glared at them all, the rest looked uneasy and squeamish about the whole situation that had played out in front of their eyes.

She was all too aware that the more time they wasted; the less chance Morales had of recovering from the amputation that Rick had performed upon him.

_What was he thinking?_

Before she knew it, Morales was on the trolley. His eyes were open, but Maggie could tell he still wasn’t in the land of the conscious as his eyes rolled upward. ‘Keep them away from us,’ Rick told her as he went to push the trolley. ‘Glenn, you help me push. Theodore, keep in front. Go, go, go!’

Rick’s voice cut through any doubts she had about Rick’s actions and Glenn’s mind state. She kept her gun on the prisoners as the group marched out onto the dreaded hallway from which they had escaped. The leader stuck out his tongue. Maggie glared at him before following her group, her gun never leaving the sight of the five men who threatened so much ruin to their brightest hope of sanctuary since her beloved farm.

*

The wheels rolled on the floor.

_Holy shit!_

Their footsteps accompanied the wheels.

_Holy shit!_

Snarls of the dead and the murmurs of the prisoners from afar drowned out the rest of the noise.

_Holy fucking shit!_

‘Stop!’ Theodore roared. Glenn felt the cool surface of the trolley with his fingers, trying desperately not to look at Morales as he dug his feet into the ground to prevent the trolley from going any further. The murmurs of the prisoners got closer.

Glenn looked ahead as Theodore quickly paced forward with his spear. There was a walker crawling on the floor. Theodore drove his spear into the head before he saw another one. He drove the spear into that walker’s head too.

_We cut off his leg! We cut off Morales’ leg._

Morales took the perfect time to groan then. Glenn almost jumped out of his skin, and he looked in alarm at the man on the trolley. He had never seen a man or woman as ill looking as Morales looked then. Even Jim had looked healthier at the camp.

_You’ve known this man for that long, and you’ve just helped kill him off. He has kids, for fuck sake Glenn. What were you and Rick thinking? We should never have gone through this, not this quick._

Whatever Glenn had been thinking was interrupted by a ringing noise that cut right to the bone. A gunshot had gone off. He turned around in alarm, his mind racing with all possibilities that had happened.

‘I said get back!’ Maggie all but screamed. The prisoners had backed away then, their hands upward. In front of them a bullet hole made its home in the floor.

‘You crazy bitch!’ The leader snarled.

‘We don’t have time for this!’ Rick shouted. ‘C’mon, Glenn. Let’s get going. Keep up, Maggie.’

Just like that, they were off. Glenn could hear his teeth chattering. Whether it was concern for Maggie having to deal with the men behind them or the reflections on what he had done, he did not know. All he knew was that the hallway seemed to stretch into an eternity of them going nowhere fast.

‘We’re nearly there, I see the light!’ Theodore shouted. Glenn kept pushing the trolley, trying to ignore all the sounds around him as he focused on the light ahead. But he could not hear the sound of the dead in the distance, gurgling as they always did in the horrible noises they made.

_Death. It never ends._

Just like that they were in the light. Glenn basked in it momentarily, relieved to be out of the darkness that they had all endured.

‘Maggie, keys!’ Theodore shouted. Glenn pushed the trolley into the room with Rick, going past the tables and to the entrance of Cell Block C. Maggie threw a set of keys to Theodore, who quickly caught onto them with both hands. The walkers from behind the cells intensified their sounds; excited by the noises they were making.

‘Glenn, go get Hershel. I need Maggie here for now with him. Me and Theodore will keep an eye on these fuckers,’ Rick was saying. He raised his gun at the double doors, daring for the prisoners to show their faces.

Glenn only nodded. He looked at Maggie, who was focusing intently on Morales. Glenn chanced a look at Morales. He had faded into oblivion again, the only sign of his living being his shallow breathing and shivering against a fierce cold.

‘Glenn, now!’

Glenn did not remember putting one foot in front of another, only that he was somehow outside and back at the prison courts once again. The warmth of the sun shone upon him, but all he felt was cold. He saw the group ahead, still awaiting behind the fences for their arrival.

‘Glenn!’ Hershel’s voice was rife with alarm. ‘Is it Maggie?! What’s happened, son?!’

Glenn panted as he reached the gate. Billy and Beth were already opening the gate in hence, and just like the dead that swarmed into the cafeteria the group swarmed upon him like insects picking at a carcass. He heard the questions out of their lips. All he could feel was his world spinning.

_His fucking leg!_

He looked at Louis and Eliza. Both were at the back of the group with the twins, trying to see through the commotion. Eliza’s face was twisted with nerves. Louis’ expression remained blank as he always did, as if the curiosity was happening to somebody else from far away and they were merely the observers.

Glenn swallowed. _I can’t do this._

‘Glenn,’ Carol’s voice cut through it all. He looked at her. She had become a cornerstone in the madness he had found himself in. ‘What is it?’

‘Hershel. Rick needs you, right now.’

Hershel didn’t need to question anymore, he just ran. Most of the group gave chase and left Glenn alone in the court, left alone with evermore dark thoughts and a spinning world.

*

‘Get your back against the wall, now!’

Rick’s voice was cold and demanding, and the prisoners did just that as the group emerged into the room. Theodore noticed the prisoner with the glasses eyeing Carol, and he felt at any moment he could squeeze the trigger.

_These bastards don’t deserve any mercy. They should have died with the rest._

‘Maggie!’ Hershel shouted. ‘Is she alright?!’

‘She’s fine,’ Rick said. He did not take his eye from the prisoners nor did he waver his gun from their direction. ‘But Morales isn’t. We are dealing with an amputation, Hershel. We need you to help him. He’s through there with Maggie.’

‘Amputation,’ Hershel murmured. Theodore noticed he seemed taken aback by walking upon a situation he had not been envisioning in his head.

Patricia gasped instantly and went to run for Cell Block C. If it had not been for Billy’s quick thinking by grabbing her shoulder, she would have. Theodore saw most of their faces tightening as they heard the snarls of the dead and could only imagine what they must have been thinking about the mess they had just walked into.

_Just another day in this paradise. That’s all._

‘Carol, come with me,’ Hershel said. ‘You’ve been good at assisting me with wounds these past few months. This’ll be no different, I assure you.’ He spoke to Carol, but he only had eyes for Patricia, Theodore noticed.

‘I need to help,’ Patricia said. Her voice was more like a croak. ‘I can help. I helped with Carl.’

‘You did,’ Hershel said. ‘But you are in no position to help me or Morales in the state you are in. Tend to his children, that is the biggest help you can give Morales.’

Patricia let out a wordless cry. Lori was by her side instantly, rubbing her back as Hershel and Carol marched bravely to the cell block, having no clue as to what sight would greet them. The snarls of the dead only increased in volume but it was like background noise for the living. 

It took Theodore only a moment to realise the sounds were not just coming from Cell Block C. They were again coming from darkened hallway.

‘The door!’

He only needed to shout the words and Carl understood. He was quickly sprinting towards the doors and he slammed it shut. Billy was behind him with a pistol in hand having left Patricia, his eyes never leaving the door.

‘Guys, it’s best you get out now,’ Rick was saying. The group turned to face him, but he did not keep his gaze away from the prisoners. The intent of his stare made even Theodore uneasy. ‘Wait outside. We’ve got this handled.’

‘The fuck you do!’ Billy shouted. ‘Walkers can just come bursting through here at any moment. I’m staying here to cover.’

‘Me too,’ Carl said.

‘The hell you are,’ Rick gritted his teeth. ‘Billy, you stay. Carl, you go.’

Carl looked like he was ready to argue, and for a moment that seemed to stretch out into agonising eternity father and son glared at one another as Rick turned to face him. The moment came to an end as Carl broke eye contact and stormed out of the room.

The leader took his chance by inching forward slightly. Theodore didn’t let him. He immediately pulled his own gun out and aimed it at the man.

‘Back the fuck up!’

The leader raised his hands and backed away against the wall. Theodore felt his fingers itching to pull the trigger. _I guess this is how Rick feels._

‘Easy tiger,’ the leader said. ‘We’re all friends here, aren’t we?’

The temptation to pull the trigger had never been stronger for Theodore.

‘We sure aren’t,’ Rick answered before Theodore. He continued to glare at the leader as he continued, ‘what are your names? What crimes did you commit?’

‘Seriously?’ The leader seemed astonished. ‘That is what you’re thinking about? What shit I did before all this shit went down doesn’t matter, it hasn’t in a long time.’

‘Oh, it matters,’ Rick grinded his teeth. ‘I’m not having my family around prisoners, no chance on that. You can bet my life on it.’

‘The fuck you mean?’ The leader all but snarled. ‘We’ve been here all this time. You folks just come bursting in and think you can take over, is that it? Way I see it, this is our home. Why don’t you go back where you came from and leave us alone.’

Before the argument could continue, one of the other prisoners piped up. ‘Dexter. His name is Dexter.’ The leader gave the man who spoke a look as cold as ice, but the man ignored him. ‘My name is Oscar.’

Rick never gave up staring at Dexter, but he gave a slight nod to acknowledge Oscar.

‘Oscar, what the fuck?’ The skinniest of the prisoners blurted out. ‘Why you betraying us like that?’

‘Because he’s not stupid, that’s how,’ the man with the glasses spoke up next. He took his glasses off as he went to polish them with a small cloth. ‘They’ve got guns and they clearly know more than we do. They have the advantage, we don’t. My name is Thomas Richards. That man who just spoke is Andrew.’

‘And I’m Axel,’ the largest and muscular of the men spoke above Andrew’s protests of feeling betrayed. ‘Really, it’s great to get out of that shit can, you follow me? Cheers and all for that.’

If it were not for the dead in Cell Block C and the hallway, there would have been silence that followed. Rick and Dexter never let up from their staring match. Theodore felt his palms begin to sweat.

_If it comes down to it, can we really just kill them?_

He did not know if he could.

‘I’ve got your names,’ Rick said. ‘I didn’t get your crimes.’

‘Again, why does it mat-, ‘Dexter was cut off by Oscar once again.

‘Breaking and entering,’ he said. ‘Things were tight. Me and my lady, we were facing eviction. It’s not an excuse, just a fact.’

Theodore narrowed his eyes. _He could just be saying that. We don’t know if any one of them is telling the truth._

‘Tax evasion,’ Thomas said. He put his glasses back on. Theodore felt his suspicion mounting up with every word spoken. _Not a single word can be believed. They’d do anything to save their own skin._

‘Bank robbery,’ Axel shrugged. ‘Not my proudest moment. It’s like Oscar says; things were tight for me.’

‘Drugs,’ Andrew offered reluctantly. ‘I used them. Only thing that got me through. What I wouldn’t do for a bit of weed, never mind that hard shit.’

‘Murder,’ Dexter said. It was a word as loaded as Theodore’s gun and just as impactful. Theodore felt the temptation to shoot more. _We don’t need another Shane on our hands. He’ll have to be dealt with._

Judging by the way Rick’s own face narrowed; Theodore wondered if perhaps Rick was thinking the same thing. _He’ll have to be._

What followed next surprised him. Rick lowered his gun, ever so slightly. But it was enough for Dexter to relax his stance.

‘You say this is your home?’ Rick asked, almost as casually as he would be talking about the weather.

‘Of course it is,’ Dexter said at once. ‘We been in that cafeteria for however long this shit has been going on for. I think we’ve earned the right to call it home.’

‘But you’ve served your sentence,’ Rick pointed out. ‘There’s a whole world out there that doesn’t care what you did before this. You’ve got yourselves a fresh start. Why not take the hint and realise you aren’t wanted here?’

Dexter snorted. ‘You serious, man? What makes us want to go out there? We saw this place fall, and we know none of those fucking guards came back for us like they said they would. And now we’ve seen civilians, not soldiers mind you; actual civilians break into this place. Seems to me there ain’t much of an world out there.’

The gravity of his words sunk like a stone. Theodore knew there was some truth to it. _Never would have thought I would be breaking into a prison for refuge._

He wanted to laugh at the absurdity of the situation.

‘Look, man,’ Oscar said. ‘We don’t want no trouble. I promise you that. This place is big enough for all of us. Why don’t we just stay in one cell block and you can stay here, keep out of each other’s way? That seems to be the better option for us all quite frankly.’

‘You scared of these pussies, Oscar,’ Andrew teased.

‘Shut up, Andrew,’ Dexter snapped. Andrew immediately blushed and nodded, whipped as a dog. Dexter looked at Rick almost curiously. ‘We get half of the prison; you guys the other half?’

‘That’s right,’ Rick said. Theodore wanted to scream but kept silent. _Why is Rick fucking up so badly today?_ He thought of Morales in the other room, the way he had looked so pale against the trolley he had been placed upon after losing his leg. He knew the day was going to be a longer day yet.

‘Then it’s a deal,’ Dexter nodded, seemingly satisfied.

‘I’m curious,’ Theodore found himself saying to distract himself. ‘How much food is in the cafeteria? There must have been a lot to keep you lot in there all this time.’

‘Lots,’ Thomas said. ‘All tinned stuff, expiration not for a few more years yet. ‘I calculated it all up once before. There is enough in there to have kept us going for another three years yet. And who knows if there isn’t more stored somewhere in here.’

Theodore nodded, taking in the information. _Enough for us then until Hershel can start his farming. We’ll no longer need to keep scavenging for scraps._

The thought was almost enough to shine a bright on the dark turn the day had taken, but not enough to clear the clouds away.

‘There is only one thing,’ Rick said. It did not escape Theodore’s notice how Dexter’s happiness seemed to flash away in a second. ‘We were actually going to shut a gate to keep those monsters in their court, it’ll prevent them from spilling out into the halls like they have been. If you help us with that, then the half of the prison is yours.’

‘You’re joking,’ Dexter said.

‘Nope,’ Rick said. ‘You have to earn your keep.’

‘Then at least give us guns,’ Dexter argued. ‘How you expect us to keep ourselves safe if we’re defenceless. Do you even know how to use that thing? Because I do.’

‘I was a cop,’ Rick offered up as an explanation. ‘That good enough for you? And it’s either this or you’re out there. Or dead on the floor like your inmates and guards. It doesn’t bother me either way.’

Dexter shot Rick his fiercest glare yet, but begrudgingly nodded. Oscar only shook his head. ‘I’ll help you,’ he said, ‘but I’m not going in there without something to defend myself. That is not fair in any way.’

‘We’ll give you some of our weapons, but not guns,’ Rick said. Theodore felt his legs turn to jelly. _This fucker has completely lost it._

‘I’m sorry, Rick. But I-,’ Theodore was cut off as Rick interrupted him. ‘No, Theodore. The man is right. We’re not monsters. And it’ll get this job done quicker this way. We still have the guns, remember?’

Theodore sighed and rolled his eyes, but reluctantly nodded. _If this blows up in our faces, I’m not even going to say I told you so._

He wondered if he would even get the chance to not say so.

‘You know you probably won’t get rid of them entirely,’ Axel said. He folded his arms as he took in the conversations encircling the room.

‘What do you mean?’ Rick asked.

‘A boiler or some shit blew up when the dead were taking over,’ Axel explained. ‘It was absolute madness. The others won’t know, they were already in the cafeteria at the time. But I saw the walls at the back of this place. They aren’t walls anymore, you follow me? Bunch of freaks can just come in and as they please if they want to.’

The words seemed to be heavier than Dexter’s confession of crime. Theodore almost dropped his gun in self-defeat.

_We can never catch a fucking break._

Rick sighed. ‘We’ll deal with that when it comes to it. Now let’s get to it.’

*

‘Is daddy going to die?’

The question should have startled Patricia. But she only looked at the girl beside her, looking forlornly at the scattered bodies throughout the ground. The group were back at the courtyard as Rick had instructed, each lost in their thoughts or separate conversations.

Currently Patricia was sitting at a bench, with Louis to one side and Eliza to the other. Opposite her was Lori, who had instantly caught Patricia’s eyesight at the question. The same line of question she had been thinking herself flashed in Lori’s eyes.

_What should we tell her?_

What startled Patricia more than anything was that she didn’t know what to say. She tried to speak but found her mouth to be as dry as a desert. _Oh god, what should I tell her?_

Patricia felt a surge of panic rise within her. It was suffocating. _Tell her something, anything!_ Patricia had never been a stranger to finding the right words for grief. She had been there for Hershel and his four oldest when Josephine had passed; she had also been there for the entire family when they accepted the reality of Annette and Shawn’s passing.

Now she was here in the middle of a prison courtyard, the coldness of the walls embracing them with every dark thought that could be had about Morales.

_It’s Morales. He has helped me so much, him and his kids. How can I tell them that their daddy is going to die, leave them orphaned in this world?_

‘I,-‘ Patricia started and faltered. Eliza still looked at the bodies, but it was Louis who was looking at her intently. His eyes shined like coins. _Remember when Morales worried about his boy not showing emotion?_

The thought was enough to swallow up any words she possibly could have said. She felt her own eyes well up.

‘He’s not going to die,’ Lori spoke up. Patricia looked at her and she quickly brushed back the tears that flooded down her cheeks. Never before had she felt as grateful as she did in that moment. ‘You hear me Louis, Eliza?’

Louis looked at Lori at once. It took a moment or two before Eliza also turned her head from the bodies.

‘He’s not going to die,’ Lori repeated. ‘Your father is strong, kids. He is one of the strongest men I’ve ever known. He’ll get through this.’

‘But everybody dies from a bite!’ Eliza insisted. Her voice had a shrill of hysteria to it. It was enough to set Louis off. Patricia immediately shushed him gently, pulling him toward her embrace. He allowed her. ‘Mommy died from a bite! Sophia died from a bite! It’s not fair he dies too!’

Patricia went to offer Eliza her embrace too, but the girl only shrugged her off. The act stung, but Patricia knew there was no malice to it.

_She’s only grieving. The poor girl already knows what that is like._

Patricia tried to find the words, but she could not. She felt a ball of frustration roll within her. _How can I just let Lori deal with this on her own? What kind of mother am I?_

If it had been another situation, Patricia would have stopped dead in her tracks at the thought of referring to herself as a mother. But in that moment, she knew the term fit well. The acceptance of the term only served to make her feel worse, however.

Lori did not need assistance, however. ‘You’re right, Eliza,’ she reached out to grab the girl’s hand gently. Eliza went to pull away; but Lori continued and the girl allowed her to speak. ‘But that was before we found out we all carry this virus. I don’t mean to scare you by saying that; it’s the truth. But it means we know the bite doesn’t turn us into those things. And bites can be treated Eliza. If you got bitten by a dog, a doctor would treat you and cure you up.’

Eliza bit her lip. Patricia allowed herself to be swept in by Lori’s words; hoping against madness that Lori’s words held more than just comfort to a grieving child.

_It makes sense what she is saying. It must be why Rick cut his leg off. He hopes the virus hasn’t spread yet. I wonder if she and Rick have talked about this in private._

She shrugged the thought off; knowing the troubles of the Grimes marriage killed any concept of that. She immediately felt unkind however for thinking about such gossip in a time where Lori was doing more for Morales’ children than she currently was.

‘And Hershel is the best doctor in the world,’ Lori said. ‘He saved Carl when I thought he was gone. He will save your daddy, Eliza. Are you listening too, Louis? Your daddy is going to be fine. You don’t have to worry about him.’

Both children indeed were judging by their frantic nods. Eliza leaned into Patricia at that moment to be embraced. Patricia kept the children to her side, and looked at Lori who smiled sadly at her.

‘Thank you,’ Patricia mouthed silently. Lori only nodded; her own eyes brimmed with tears.

It was at that moment Maggie approached the table. ‘Patricia.’

Patricia turned around, heart in her mouth. _This is it. I’m going to get news that he is dead._ The thought was more than she could bare.

‘My daddy wants to see you,’ Maggie said quietly.

Patricia nodded. ‘Excuse me, kids.’ She gave both a reassuring squeeze, an act that secretly astonished her. It was more than she thought she was capable of. ‘I’ll remain with the kids, Pat,’ Lori said. Patricia smiled at her gratefully; knowing this was a debt that she couldn’t repay.

Maggie led Patricia into the prison, but not first offering her a hand to take. Patricia took it instantly and was taken back a time years ago when she would walk with the girl hand in hand in woods and fields around the Greene farm. Maggie’s hand was warm and pleasant to touch, a sharp contrast to the coldness of the prison itself.

_God, where has the time went? You’ve grown, Maggie. And I’ve never felt older._

Maggie led her through the prison entrance and into Cell Block C. Rick, Theodore, Billy, and the prisoners were gone; so were the noises of the dead that had originally come from the block. It was small details that Patricia filed in the back of her head.

_All of it is small. This will be the hardest thing to do._

Cell Block C had rows upon rows of cells, each with steel bars. The floor was littered with rubbish, from sheets of paper to trash she couldn’t identify. The cells each had dead bodies, all of them facing down. Some still held onto the bars with grip. Most of the cells were locked.

All except one.

Patricia felt her heart in her mouth. _This is it._

‘He’s in there,’ Maggie whispered. ‘He is up and talking, but only just. He wanted to see you.’

Patricia’s vision was cloudy with tears. Maggie squeezed her hand gently, and Patricia could have wept in that moment. She knew she could have; and nobody would have called her out on it. But she found she possessed a strength that she did not know she held. 

_You survived through Otis’ passing. You will survive this one too._

It was with that courage that Patricia stepped into the cell. Morales was waiting for her.

*

‘It’s down here!’

The hallway was just as dark as Billy envisioned it to be. He picked at his collar as Dexter bellowed his orders before he went for the gun in his holster instead.

_You wanted this, Greene. You did. Your dad would have been just fine if you had remained where you were._

‘Be quiet; you might bring more of them down upon us,’ Rick hissed. They had cleared the initial patch of the dead when they had entered the hallway, now it was just a guessing game as to whether the rest would show their faces or not. Billy shivered at the thought as he moved one foot in front of the other, trying to keep up with the others. The gun felt heavy in his hand and he did not know if he could pull the trigger if it came down to it.

_Of course you can. They are only walkers. Not people; not like the ones at the supermarket._

Billy paused. In front of him were dead prisoners; their heads turned to mush or splattered with blood. He blinked and saw the blue overalls marking them as such. He blinked again and they transformed into the man and woman Glenn had killed.

‘You okay?’

Billy looked up to see Oscar looking at him, brows furrowed as if he were studying him like an insect underneath a magnifying glass. 

‘Yeah,’ Billy muttered.

‘Keep away from him!’ Theodore barked like a dog. ‘Keep your heads steady and focus on the job. I don’t want none of you disturbing the boy.’

‘Oh, leave off Oscar. He ain’t doing nobody any harm, at least not to you lot,’ Dexter jeered. Andrew hooted with laughter as if it were the funniest thing he had ever heard. Billy hated them both.

‘Quiet again!’ Rick snapped. He was in front and had paused to address Dexter, which in turn forced the whole group to stop. ‘I won’t repeat myself. Any more nonsense and you’re out of here; no question asked.’

_Why are you even bringing them with us?_

Billy could not help the doubts plaguing his mind. From news of what had happened to Morales to the current situation they were in now; Billy feared the man had up and went mad with many of the bad decisions he had been making.

_It’s like he’s lost sight of what made him a good leader out there. All he sees is the prison, nothing else._

‘I’m just having a bit of fun. Honest,’ Dexter raised his hands.

‘Having fun will get you killed out here. This isn’t a game,’ Rick said. He pointed Maggie’s machete at Dexter, a gesture Billy noted he did a lot. ‘I’m not going to warn you again. Just follow my lead and pray we can shut those doors without running into any of the walkers.’

‘Okay.’

And with that pronouncement followed the blended groups; former civilians and prisoners alike who held no trust for one another as they walked the darkened hallway and past the many cells and bodies. Billy walked with bated breath, expecting a walker to jump out at him when he least expected it.

_It won’t be the first time that happened. Hopefully it won’t be the last either._

After what seemed like hours a source of light peaked from afar. The light was shockingly blind after being submerged in the darkness of the prison halls. Billy squinted his eyes to see where the light was coming from.

‘Think that’s the laundry room,’ Axel said. ‘That room had windows. And it leads to a hallway to the court you’re wanting to shut off.’

‘Right,’ Rick said. He turned around to face everybody. ‘I don’t want none of us fooling around now. This is the moment where it matters the most. Anything can happen at this point. We saw that with Morales.’

‘Why did you cut the dude’s leg off?’ Dexter asked with the nonchalance of someone who wasn’t particularly interested in the conversation. Andrew once again snickered. Billy shot them both a glare.

Rick did the same. ‘Because it might have been the only chance to have saved him. The bite doesn’t kill you; we’re all infected with the virus. What triggers it is dying. Now be on your guard, I don’t want none of that prison riot shit you lot pulled earlier on.’

Billy winced at the memory. The walkers that had followed his sister and their group through the hallway had greeted them when they had walked through the doorway. The prisoners with their baseball bats, golf clubs and small knives had pounced upon them as if it were a brawl in a bar, hacking and slashing.

The blood being splattered wasn’t effective, for none of the weapons had hit their target. The prisoners had gone straight for the stomach. Billy had stood back with something akin to disgust at the actions of the men, even if deep down he knew it wasn’t entirely fair. They were ignorant of how the world worked after having been locked in the cafeteria for the better part of half a year.

They had learned their lesson quickly afterwards; or so he hoped. With Dexter constantly challenging Rick and the deal they had made, Billy feared what might come next regarding him.

‘Let’s go,’ Rick said in a voice that promised no argument. Billy quickly moved alongside the men, not wishing to be left behind in the hallway with only darkness as his company. The light ahead had never looked so inviting.

Entering the room should have been a relief. It was anything but.

The walkers in the room turned around. Billy counted at least twenty, but his eyes darted to the open doorway at the far left of the room. Many and more could easily pile in like dominoes. He quickly went for his knife. Shooting his gun would not be the answer, not in a room where the court of walkers was so near.

_Quick, before you lose your nerve!_

Billy quickly darted forward with the rest of the men. The snarls increased in volume as they always did. That didn’t stop Billy from pushing one of the walkers down to the floor. The walker snarled as he tried his best to get to Billy, his jaws snapping. Billy drove his knife into the walker’s skull before quickly facing the nearest walker.

All around him were the walkers in their prison jumpsuits reaching out, and the men who greeted them. Rick sliced and diced with his machete as Theodore drove his spear into the walkers in their way. The prisoners had learned their lesson quickly. Oscar bashed a walker in the forehead with a club just as Axel pulled at a walker’s head and slammed it down upon a very abandoned washing machine. What was white surface before turned to red.

And just to the corner of his eye, a knife flashed his way.

Billy quickly darted backward in instinct, his mind going a million mile a minute. _What the fuck? What’s going on?_ Before he could regain track, he found himself tripping over the walker he had killed.

Dexter shot him an apologetic grin before he turned his focus on the walkers that were near him. Billy had no time to be mad at him however, for another walker came at him.

It was oddly serene. Time seemed to freeze as the walker reached out with its foul breath, its eyes hungry for his flesh. Billy’s own knife had dropped and clattered to the ground, and he could not reach it in time. All he could see was death coming his way and he did nothing to stop it.

Thomas did however. With a swing of his baseball bat, the walker was knocked off his track and he landed with a _thud_ against one of the washing machines. Before he could get back up, Oscar quickly ran towards the figure and slammed his club against the walker’s head.

It was over in moments. All of the walkers in the room were dead. The sound of harsh breathing and the sight of sweat shining in their foreheads was an indicator of another successful battle.

‘You okay?’ Theodore asked as he held out his hand to Billy. Billy nodded as he took Theodore’s hand and pulled himself up, lost for words.

_I nearly died. And I did nothing to stop it._

The realisation filled him with a guilt he could not quite describe. He thought of his sisters who were still there, for he had no brothers left. And his father, who had lost more children than any parent should have the right to lose.

_What a fucking coward you are, Billy!_

‘Why the fuck did you try to kill me!’ Billy shouted. He went towards Dexter, who only continued to smirk in a way that made Billy want to wipe the floor with him. Theodore quickly grabbed him by the shoulders and Billy tried to resist; but the man was simply too strong for him. ‘You almost fucking me!’

‘Shit happens, bro,’ Dexter replied as cheekily as ever. ‘You were in my way. I was trying to get that monster over there. Shit happens!’

‘Yeah,’ Rick spoke up suddenly. He went towards the prisoner, who lost his smile rapidly and backed away slightly. Billy could see suddenly that the bravado Dexter had displayed from the first moment he saw had disappeared entirely. ‘Shit happens.’

There was a moment of pause, much like when the walker had nearly gotten him. Billy could feel the tension in the room, could feel it popping in his veins as Rick and Dexter stared off at one another. Neither made a move and everybody watched in dreaded anticipation.

Then Rick swung his machete and into the middle of Dexter’s head. Chaos followed.

*

The scream from Andrew followed as Dexter slid down to his knees, the machete very much stuck in his head. Blood dripped down from his forehead as he looked up at Rick stupidly, not quite daring to believe himself even in death that Rick had done what he had done.

Andrew ran forward to hit him with his bat as the other prisoners cried in outrage. Rick ducked to miss the swing of the bat entirely, and he grabbed the top of the bat. Andrew cursed and let go of the bat as a lost cause, and he made a break for it through the doorway that could only lead to the court.

Rick ignored the curses of the prisoners and ignored Theodore shouting for them all to calm down. He sprinted after Andrew, knowing it he only had a matter of minutes that would decide the fate of the prison.

_Should have killed him where you stood. Stupid to use these fucking ingrates to clear out the dead when they’ve given you more trouble than they were worth._

The hallway was surprisingly longer than Rick envisioned, and still just as dark as the other set of hallways had been. That didn’t stop him from seeing the lone walker or two that were stranded, not part of a pack at all. Andrew up front had swerved to avoid them which in turn made them not notice Rick either as he shoved past them.

‘There’s nowhere to run!’ Rick shouted. ‘Come back, you stupid son of a bitch!’

‘No fucking way!’ Andrew shouted back. ‘You killed Dexter, you fucking murderer!’

‘And he wasn’t?!’ Despite panting for breath as he ran, Rick found time to let out a harsh chuckle. The last couple of days had felt like a nonstop marathon. He did not know if he had much energy left to give. ‘He admitted as much!’

‘Fuck you!’

_If that is how it’s going to be, then so well._

The light ahead beckoned for Rick as it no doubt did Andrew too, much like the light from the laundry room had. But the noises of the dead could be heard too. It unnerved Rick a little to know that Andrew was so much more frightened of him that he was willing to run towards the noise instead of just surrendering.

_Unless he’s just really fucking stupid and has no idea what he is about to walk into._

That proved to be the correct way of thinking. Andrew reached the light and pushed through the ajar steel bar door and into the court. Rick followed not far behind him, but he remained where he stood behind the door.

Andrew paused in his tracks and swerved around. Hundreds of walkers were to his left, and those in front had noticed him. Their growls and outreached hands signalled as such. Andrew quickly turned to his right in desperation, hoping there was another entrance to the prison.

There was none.

‘Fuck!’ Andrew screamed. He turned back from where he had come from, just as Rick grabbed the steel bars and pulled the door shut. It squeaked noisily and clattered with a loud shut.

‘Let me in!’ Andrew begged as he ran to the door. He slammed his weight against the door, his hands attempting to reach through the bars. Rick held the door tight shut as Andrew fought against the bars with his fists. ‘Let me in, man! Please!’

The walkers were on the march, Rick noticed. It was only going to be a matter of seconds before they reached the man in front of him, begging for his life through steel bars.

_I guess that’s always been his existence before all of this._

‘You better run,’ Rick said. He could feel himself smiling slightly as Andrew’s eyes widened.

‘No,’ Andrew breathed. Rick could see it in his eyes that he did not believe the situation he was in. He turned around to flee, but it was too late. The walkers swarmed around the body. So many were there that Andrew’s screams of protests and pain were cut short as they dug their teeth into him, hundreds of teeth digging into plain flesh.

Rick watched on as the prisoner was all but dragged to the ground as he was made into a meal on the court. Limbs were torn apart completely. Once he disappeared into the crowd entirely, Rick rattled the door to make sure it would not just be pushed open before turning back to the trek to the laundry room. He took care of the stragglers with two perfectly aimed gunshots, the task they had all set to do complete.

He stepped into the room to see the row of washing machines and the baskets that were scattered every which way. Oscar, Axel and Thomas were down on their knees with Theodore and Billy aiming their guns at the three prisoners. Their weapons were down on the ground.

‘Please, mister!’ Thomas was bubbling. ‘We had nothing to do with Dexter and Andrew, please!’

‘Oh, shut up man!’ Axel barked. ‘You just going to make them want to kill us more, you follow me? Just shut the fuck up!’

Oscar remained silent, his cool eyes setting upon Rick as he entered the room.

Theodore looked at Rick, his gun still trained upon the prisoners. ‘He dead?’

Rick nodded. The confirmation only set Thomas off into more tears. He approached the prisoners on their knees and pulled out his own gun from his holster. From the corner of his eye, he could see Dexter lying dead on the ground, the machete still splitting his head in half.

_It’ll be easier to just kill them all. That’s what you were going to do in the first place after you used them to get that door locked. You don’t need another Shane in your life, or Dave and Dixon. Everybody that isn’t part of your group are out to get you._

Rick found himself aiming at Oscar. The man still didn’t blink even as Axel cursed and Thomas bubbled.

‘You got anything to say?’ Rick asked. He did not recognise the voice that came out of his mouth. The only familiarity was his finger on the trigger, and his want to squeeze.

_It’ll all be over soon. Like Dexter and Andrew, they’ll be gone in no time. And you can finally take your foot off the pedal._

Oscar only looked at Rick, not at the gun that threatened to end his life. ‘Only that I’m not going to beg for my life, if that is what you want me to do. I didn’t fuck with Dexter and that bitch of his, none of us were part of what they stood for. But the way I see it you aren’t much better than what he was, killing us and threatening us just because we happened to be in the way for whatever you’ve got planned for this place.’

Rick didn’t flinch, but the words struck a chord. To his credit, Oscar did not flinch either and he continued. ‘So, you do what you’ve got to do. I’ve never begged for my life, and I’m not about to start now for somebody like you.’

The man’s gaze into Rick’s own felt like an attack on his soul. The temptation to squeeze the trigger had never been stronger, but Rick could see the conviction in Oscar’s eyes as well as hear it in his words.

_He’s right. You’re better than this, Rick._

He thought about the words, then thought of Shane. Not a day went past that he never thought about his former friend, the boy he had been and the man he had become. And he thought of Morales, whom he hadn’t spared a second thought for at all barring his explanation of his actions.

_This fucking world is changing you, Rick. Just like it changed Shane and like it’s doing to your boy, your wife. Everybody. Don’t let it beat you._

Letting out a shaky breath, Rick lowered the gun.

Oscar remained where he knelt.

*

Morales shivered against a violent storm raging inside his body that would not let up. The world around him faded into complete and utter darkness every so often before he would wake up again in a fight for breath.

‘Miranda,’ he called out at first. His voice was paper thin, frightful even to him. But all he wanted was his wife by his side.

_She has to be somewhere here. She’s always been by my side. Always._

‘Miranda,’ he said again. His heart ached with a longing that seemed painfully familiar to him. He went to get up, but something was holding him back. He felt as if bricks pinned him down from getting up from the bed.

‘Morales,’ Miranda replied. Morales blinked rapidly as he turned his head around. Instead of Miranda as he expected, it was Carol. She was holding a basin. Hershel was besides her holding bloody sheets.

_Miranda isn’t here._

‘What happened?’ Morales asked. He knew he was in a cell, that much was clear judging by the steel bars. Coming from outside the cell were the shrieks of the dead, although as seconds passed their noises began to get less and less.

Carol hesitated and turned to Hershel. Hershel grimaced as his gaze lowered down. Morales followed his gaze and saw with a fright exactly why both seemed to hesitate in telling him.

He was missing a leg.

Morales groaned out of instinct. He _knew_ he felt whole, he had awakened from the darkness feeling whole. Not a single thing was out of place. So why was reality telling him different?

‘How?’ Morales croaked. He was startled to see that he was crying.

‘Oh, Morales,’ Carol said. She put the basin down and bent towards him. ‘You were bitten. Rick chopped your leg off, Hershel believes he was trying to save you.’

‘ _Save_ me?’ Morales protested. He started to cough then, a sudden pressure upon his lungs like he never knew before took over him then. The world started to fade again. ‘Fucking sav-.’

‘Morales, Morales,’ Hershel quickly leaned over. ‘I need you to try and hang in there for us. Please. We’re not out of the woods yet.’

‘You’re telling me,’ Morales said as his eyes closed shut once again. But before he allowed himself to be taken by the darkness, he was conscious enough to ask for a request.

‘Get… Patricia, please.’

He could hear Hershel call out for Maggie before the darkness took him again.

In the darkness he _dreamed._ He dreamed of pancakes for breakfast and orange juice to drink it all down. He dreamed of Miranda and her perfect smile, her infectious laugh and the wedding gown she had worn on the happiest day of his life.

He dreamed of Louis as he had been, a child with not a care in the world and a boy who didn’t have to see his mother die in front of him. He dreamed of Eliza, another child who didn’t have to worry about anything besides the trivial matters of school life and a girl who was in danger of turning into a mute after being traumatised by everything they were going through.

And finally, he dreamed of Patricia. A woman who deserved better than to lose her husband just as he had lost his wife. A woman who had been there for him every step of the way since he had met her, who would be there for his children long after he was gone.

_I’m not making it out of this one, Morales. You know it. Everybody knows it._

He blinked and the world swarm around him again. He looked up to see Patricia walk in, hand in hand with Maggie. Patricia let go of Maggie’s hand and rushed towards him, grasping onto his hand as she knelt down.

‘How are you feeling?’ Patricia asked him. Concern filled her eyes and left no room for anything else.

 _I’ve been better_ is what he wanted to say. To his horror, the words died before they even left his mouth. He started to cry hot tears; the only thing that felt hot. His body shivered with the cold yet he could feel the sweat beads on his head.

_Saw this with Jim when he was dying. It’s fucking happening to me._

‘I’m sorry,’ is all he ended up saying. Patricia blinked back her own tears as she went to hug him.

‘Don’t you ever be sorry,’ she whispered into his ear. ‘You hear me, Morales? Don’t you ever be sorry. Or I’ll have to kick your ass.’

Morales wanted to laugh. He only cried and coughed once again, the fever no doubt taking over his entire body. He wondered if perhaps the fever was preventing him from feeling the absence of his leg.

‘Can we talk… in private?’ He looked around to see Hershel, Maggie and Carol standing at the side. ‘Please.’

Hershel looked as if he might protest, but Maggie gently held him by the shoulder. ‘Of course. We’ll go upstairs to look through the cells, I’ve cleared out all the dead in them. We won’t be far.’

Morales waited until the three were out of the cell. He looked at Patricia, who held him by his hand. She squeezed it hard that it would have hurt at any other time, but right now Morales only welcomed her touch. _She’ll probably be the last person I touch in any way._

‘I’m going to die,’ he said. His voice once again came out in raspy breaths, as if hammering home his point.

‘Don’t say that,’ Patricia said as she shook her head. ‘You’re going to be fine.’

‘You know… That is not true,’ Morales said. ‘They’ve… left it far… too late. Too late and no proper equipment to help me. You’ve been under… Hershel’s wing long enough… to know that.’

He expected Patricia to protest his words again, to violently shake her head and demand he stop being so stubborn. The silence he didn’t expect, nor the slow and reluctant nod.

‘You’re right,’ Patricia whispered. She looked down at his leg, or lack of rather. ‘There’s no point lying to myself.’

Morales shook his head and smiled slightly. ‘There’s not.’

‘Why didn’t you call Louis and Eliza here?’ Patricia asked. Her voice was strained, Morales could tell. He could also tell she was trying to keep her strength, not crack in front of him. _She was always strong._ ‘They will want to see you.’

Morales shook his head. ‘I don’t want them… to see me… like this, Pat. They’ve been through enough.’ He coughed violently. He let go of Patricia to cover his mouth with his hands, and his hands were a bloody red after he finished. ‘They’ve been through… enough.’

‘They have,’ Patricia said. She looked miserable. Morales wanted to find the words to comfort her, but he knew he could not find the words to reassure himself. ‘

‘And… the reason I called you… is for them,’ Morales coughed again. The cold and the darkness were intertwining with one another, he knew he didn’t have much time before he faded away for good. ‘There’s nobody more… that I trust… to look after them, like you’ve… looked out for them.’

Patricia broke then. The tears flooded down her cheeks, and she held onto his hand even as he tried to make a move away from her. ‘I’ll look out for them like they are my own. They _are_ my own.’

‘I know they are.’

Morales smiled then, and that is how he died. He did not know if it was the dark or the cold that got him.

*

Carl waited until his mother was talking to Beth and Glenn in hushed tones before he made his way over to Louis and Eliza. Louis looked up curiously at his approach. Eliza didn’t look up at all.

‘I’ve got this,’ Carl said as he placed the map he had found onto the table. Louis hunkered over to see the contents of the map.

‘What is it?’ Louis asked.

Carl felt the urge to make a sarcastic jibe. _He’s losing his dad. Don’t be mean._ ‘A map of the prison. You see that part,’ he pointed his finger at a section within the map. ‘That’s the medical wing. I bet if we can go in there we can get something to save your dad.’

Louis looked up from the map, his eyes eager. ‘You think so?’

Carl nodded. ‘I know so. That’s where they will have the stuff we don’t have. I bet you any money that we will get something to save your daddy.’

‘Where actually is it?’ Louis screwed his face over as he returned to the map. ‘How do we get to it?’

‘I think it’s through Cell Block C,’ Carl pointed out. ‘Through that hallway there, see? It won’t be far to get to it.’

‘And where did you get this map?’ Louis asked. ‘Why haven’t any of the adults saw this?’

Carl shrugged. ‘I got it from one of those riot gear walkers. Don’t know why nobody else saw it. It was really easy to find. You want to help me find it?’

Louis nodded his head enthusiastically.

‘No,’ Eliza said. It was the first time she had spoken since Carl had arrived.

Carl faltered. _What does she mean, no?_

Before Carl could respond, Louis turned around to face his sister. ‘What do you mean no, Eliza? This will save dad!’

Eliza shook her head and folded her arms. ‘No it won’t. And even if it did, do you think daddy will want us to go? He never asked us to go on those runs, just to stay with him or Patricia. I don’t know why you want to stop listening to him now.’

‘Carl goes all the time,’ Louis insisted. ‘He’s always fine.’

‘Exactly,’ Carl said. ‘I’ve never been in real danger. It’s easier than it looks.’ The times that he recalled when things could have gone very wrong flashed through his mind as quick as lightening, but he waved them off. It would do no good to be distracted, not with a life at stake.

_I need to do something, anything. All this waiting about isn’t going to do anything._

‘Well, I’m not going. And I’ll tell your mom if you do go with Louis,’ Eliza said. ‘I don’t think it’s nice of you to force us into doing something we don’t want to do.’

‘I’m not forcing you,’ Carl all but snarled. He glared at Eliza before turning around to Louis. ‘You coming or what?’

Louis looked uncertain then. He looked at Eliza before shaking his head slowly. ‘I’m sorry, Carl.’ Eliza looked triumphant in her victory.

Carl pushed himself up from the table and grabbed the map. ‘Fine! I’ll go myself. I’ll save your stupid dad and everything myself if I have to.’ And before Louis and Eliza could stop him or get Lori to stop him, Carl quickly darted to the prison. He did not stop to look back, afraid that he would be stopped.

Pushing the double doors open, Carl entered the room. The cold hit him immediately and swallowed out any heat he may have felt outside. Pushing past the sensation, Carl quickly sprinted towards the cell block where Morales lay dying.

_I need to prove to them I can do stuff like this. It’s not enough that just my dad trusts me to do this._

Carl entered the cell block. The doors were open. Immediately he glanced around to check his surroundings. He almost startled when he saw Carol from above, just beyond the balcony railings. Luckily for Carl she had her back to him.

_Need to be quick and silent. If she sees you, that’s it. She and the rest won’t let you through._

Burning with a determination that the cold of the prison couldn’t take away from him, Carl marched forward. He faltered however when he heard whispers coming from one of the cells. He quickly whipped around, pistol in hand.

The cells were all closed, barring one. The closed cells had dead walkers; no doubt taken care of at some point when Morales was being assisted.

_You should get moving, Carl! Don’t muck about._

‘They are my own,’ the whisper said.

Curiosity overtook him then. Creeping forward slow but steady, Carl got a better glance within the cell. The corner of the cell sat a single toilet with a mirror above. To his right was a single bunk bed, and down below the bunk lay Morales with Patricia sitting on the floor, holding his hand tightly.

Carl froze. The sheets were a bloody crimson, the shade of red he remembered vaguely to having awoken to after his own operation back at the farm. The red contrasted against Morales’ skin something fierce; he looked paler than a ghost.

Morales whispered something back, before closing his eyes. Carl noted Morales smiled, and the smile remained frozen on his face like a statue.

_He’s never going to wake back up again. Not as Morales anyway._

Carl shivered then. The red brought back hazy memories of a time when he had been shot and had fallen into a mini coma. Seeing Morales as he was then brought back only the most vivid memories of a lone field, with a big fat moon hanging above and illuminating Shane as he rose from the dead.

_Rose from the dead after I killed him._

Carl swallowed, and he aimed his gun. Patricia wept, and Carl saw her sobs shaking throughout her entire body as she held onto Morales’ body. Her back was still back to him. She had no idea that he was even there.

His fingers on the trigger, Carl aimed carefully. Just over Patricia’s shoulder, he had the perfect shot.

_You should warn her. Tell her to get back._

Carl debated internally about what to do, knowing it was only a matter of time before real danger found itself in the cell they were in. He very much doubted that Patricia or any other adult would have been fine with him pulling the trigger on Morales, even if he turned into a walker.

_You were too late to get to the medical wing. You owe him that much, at least. Just take him out before he can go back._

Patricia had let go of Morales’ hand now, Carl saw. She rubbed her own eyes furiously, but they never left Morales.

Carl went to put the gun down before he saw Morales’ fingers twitch. And his inner debate was decided just like that. Without a pause for breath, Carl quickly aimed his gun at Morales. His eyes shot open in a violent white, not at all the brown they had been.

 _Did Shane’s eyes turn from brown to white?_ He could not quite remember.

Carl pulled the trigger. The noise was loud and true; and so was his aim.

*

Carol immediately turned her head around as she braced for the gun in her holster. _Is it the prisoners? Is it Theodore_? The sound was loud and shocking within the cell block and her heart began beating fast as it always did at the sound of gunshots.

‘Get here, get here!’ Hershel shouted. Carol turned back around to see the Greene father and daughter with their guns out in one of the cells and did as she was told. One of the walkers Maggie had killed had been shoved to the side as they scavenged the entirely of the cell, looking for something potentially useful. 

‘Patricia!’ Maggie shouted. She ignored Hershel’s warning glare. Carol closed her eyes tight shut. _It could have been Patricia. Maybe Morales passed away while we were gone. That has to be it._ ‘Patricia, is everything okay!’

There was silence, and Carl’s voice caused Carol to blink her eyes open. ‘Everything’s fine.’

Carol looked at Maggie and Hershel; and saw that the pair no doubt mirrored the same look of confusion on her face. _What is the boy doing here?_

Before any of them could reply, Patricia herself spoke up. ‘Everything’s fine.’ Her voice sounded strangled and had the all too familiar pangs of heartbreak. ‘Morales isn’t with us anymore.’

Maggie immediately went out of the cell, Hershel following not far behind. Carol steadied herself against the wall after placing her gun back in her holster. _Morales isn’t with us anymore._ She felt the tears gleam in her eyes and shook them away.

_Another one of us gone. There won’t be any of us left if we keep up like this._

Sighing, Carol removed herself from the wall and concentrated on putting one foot in front of the other as she emerged from the cell. She took one last look at the cell and saw her reflection upon the mirror hanging on the wall. The woman who stared back had longer hair than the woman she had been since the start of the outbreak; her eyes were also distant. As If they saw but didn’t truly see.

 _Would Ed even recognise you were no longer that person?_ Somehow Carol doubted it, for she had doubts of whether she had moved on from the woman she had been.

_And even if you have, it all means nothing without your Sophia._

Carol shook away the thoughts as she stepped onto the top floor and made a move to go downstairs. As she did, she saw Glenn and a heavily pregnant Lori emerge into the block, both panting for breath.

‘What happened?’ Glenn asked.

Carol clasped her hands as nobody seemed to speak. She caught Carl looking forlorn as his mother set her eyes upon him.

‘Morales turned,’ Patricia’s voice emerged from the cell. Hershel was inside the cell as was Maggie, Carol visualised that both were by their friend’s side comforting her. ‘I shot him. He didn’t last long before.’

‘I’m so sorry, Pat,’ Hershel’s voice murmured. ‘I should have done more; I could have done more.’

‘It’s not your fault,’ Patricia replied. ‘You did the best you could. We all did.’

As Glenn entered the cell, Carol approached slowly as Lori approached Carl. Carl shifted from one side of his foot to the other, clearly wanting to be anywhere else but there.

‘And what were you doing?’ Lori asked with her arms folded. ‘Eliza told me you were running off to the medical wing. Do you have any idea how dangerous that is?’

‘It’s not dangerous!’ Carl stomped his foot. ‘How can it be dangerous!? I do stuff like it all the time.’

‘Then it’s time you stopped!’ Lori snapped back. ‘You’ve saw what has just happened with Morales. That was with the whole group. And you were prepared to go in there alone? I don’t think so.’

Carl scoffed. ‘Well, if I had maybe he would still be alive. Did you ever think about that?’

Carol noted his words seemed to soften Lori’s approach. She waddled over to put a hand on Carl, or perhaps hug him. Carl did not let her. He snatched her hand away.

‘Carl,’ Carol said despite herself. The shock in her voice was evident. ‘You can’t do that.’

Carl darted away, his face flush with embarrassment. He ran back from where he had come, and Carol felt awkward as she set her sights upon Lori. Heavily pregnant and haggard looking Lori, who was flushed red in the face herself.

‘I’m so sorry,’ Lori said. Before Carol could object, Lori turned towards the cell. ‘I’m so sorry Patricia, about Morales and what just went on there.’

‘It’s fine,’ Patricia sounded distant. Carol walked over to see the cell. Patricia was kneeling next to Morales. His face was frozen with a smile, the bullet hole in his head an ugly cost of what had to be paid in the world they found themselves in. Despite the blood soaked sheets and the paleness of his body; Morales looked peaceful.

Carol suddenly felt tired. She saw Hershel murmur a quick prayer under his breath as Maggie and Glenn both encircled around Patricia, patting her on the shoulder. Despite everything she had been taught by Hershel during the winter, the pair of them had failed with what limited resources they had when it truly mattered.

_This would never have been put upon us if it hadn’t been for Rick._

The thought was an ugly one, something she kept coming back to time and time again. The thoughts felt poisonous, like a snake in her head twisting things around. Yet she knew it was true, no matter how much Theodore claimed to her that Rick was a good man.

‘Somebody needs to tell Louis and Eliza,’ Patricia said. She went to get up, but almost collapsed immediately. If it had not been for Glenn and Maggie’s support, she would have. ‘They need to know their father is gone.’

‘I’ll get them,’ Carol said. She needed to get out of the prison, she realised. The cold was suffocating in its own way. And she had experience with telling little children that their father was no longer around. ‘Do you want me to tell them, or should I leave it to you?’

Patricia turned around. ‘Just take them to me. I’ll be in the main hall in a bit. Just don’t tell them, please. I’ll be the one.’

Carol nodded as she turned to leave. Lori looked defeated herself as she looked over at Morales’ body. Without thinking anything of it, Carol lightly tapped her on the shoulder for support before heading towards the main hall.

As she entered the hall she came to a stop as she saw Rick, Theodore, Billy and three of the five prisoners emerge from the other hallway. Her eyes widened and she felt her fingers tap the gun strapped to her holster.

_Why are they still here?_

Theodore seemed to register her reaction almost immediately. He sprinted over before Rick could. ‘It’s okay,’ he said. ‘The fucked up ones are gone. These men, they seem alright.’

‘You got it brother,’ one of the prisoners who looked like a big, hairy biker shot her a grin. ‘I’m Axel by the way sweetheart.’

One of the other prisoners, the lone black man, rolled his eyes at Axel’s introduction.

‘They’re here to stay,’ Rick said. ‘But not with us, not at first. They’re going down Cell Block B. For now I’m going to lock them up in one of the cells in C, because I’m not going to go through clearing the blocks again today. We’ve had enough of it.’

‘I should think so,’ Carol spoke over the protests from Axel about his living arrangements. Rick looked at her as if seeing her for the first time. Before he could ask, Carol continued. ‘Morales died.’

The announcement produced shockwaves around the group of men. Rick closed his eyes and sighed, and Theodore cursed. The prisoners looked elsewhere, strangers in an environment of grieving people. Billy sat down as if weighed down by the burden of the announcement.

Carol saw all of this, but she only had eyes for Rick. _And it’s your fault, Rick. Why did you push them so hard?_

She never said it. Judging by Rick’s reaction; she knew he must have been thinking it himself.

*

Lori held her hands against the fence, letting the cool air brush against her face. It was a different kind of cold compared to the inside of the prison; a refreshing cool compared to the humidity of the day.

Night was about to fall, and she had never been gladder for a day to end. The sounds of the dead from both the court and from beyond the prison fences could not take that away from her, either.

_Poor Morales. How are those kids going to cope without either of their parents?_

She heard the door squeak; and she turned around. Rick stepped through and onto the bridge. Lori swallowed.

_Why has he come here?_

Rick said nothing. He only walked to her and stood next to her, before looking out into the distance. They could see the guard towers and the field that they had conquered with storm the other day, the grass drifting in the slight breeze.

Lori expected the silence to be heavy. But the pair just stood there, taking in the sight and being left alone to their thoughts. The silence was perhaps the most comforting thing she had experienced since the showers at the CDC.

‘I killed Morales,’ Rick said.

Lori turned around in alarm. Rick didn’t look at her at all, only focused on the towers from afar. Before she could say anything, he continued.

‘I pushed them too hard, Lori. I should have relaxed after we got this part of the place done. But I pushed them too hard. And Morales, he didn’t want to keep on going. I saw that, but I kept on pushing him.’

Rick shook his head. Lori was astounded that he was telling her this, but she felt her heart go out to him.

_That’ll never change. No matter what you two go through, he’ll always be your husband. The father of your son._

‘You didn’t kill him,’ Lori said. She said her words with conviction, with meaning. She needed him to believe. ‘You did what you needed to do. You gave him more of a chance to recover than he would have had otherwise.’

Rick shook his head. ‘I know that. I know. But he shouldn’t have been there in the first place.’ Rick looked at her then, and Lori was shocked to see tears in his eyes. ‘And I killed two other men today, Lori. Two of the prisoners. And not once did I spare a thought about Morales and what I put him through when I was planning on killing the whole lot of them.’

Lori felt her own tears begin to spill as she reached out to touch Rick, but he shook her away. The motion only reminded her of her encounter with Carl, and she felt stung.

_This is the price of my mistake. My family hate me._

‘Carl’s with Beth. I heard about him today, too. What he was planning to do,’ Rick continued. He acted as if she hadn’t tried to comfort him. ‘I’m going to have words with the boy. What you said the other night, you were right. He’s going to need to start acting like a boy. He can’t become what I’ve become, he can’t.’

‘You’re not a monster,’ Lori blurted out. She let go of the railings to fully face Rick, wincing inwardly in thanks to the pregnancy weight she carried. ‘Neither of you are, Rick. You can’t think like that. This is our chance to put everything behind us, yes. We don’t need to carry on living like we have been. But everything you’ve done; it has to been to protect us.’ She shied away from Rick’s gaze, instead focusing on the afar tower like he had done. ‘I’ve always seen that. And I eventually saw it with Carl too, even if I won’t ever like it.’

She felt that silence would remain king once again, only she knew this time that there would be no comfort in it. Only shame for having made her own path to get to where her and her family were today.

Lori saw a bird take flight from one of the towers, and she watched it soar towards the clouds as Rick reached out to pat her on the shoulder.

She turned around as if his touch was electric. The touch lingered, and she found herself smiling slightly despite the heartbreak.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter didn't turn out exactly as I expected, but I still did the main events (Dexter, Andrew and Morales getting killed). Some events like Carl planning to go to the medical wing I was actually planning on him going, but i feel I still captured the nature of such an event and what it means for his character even if he didn't get to go. A couple of events I'll have to push back for the next chapter. 
> 
> I hope you all enjoy. I wanted to post this sooner but real life has once again got in the way. Updates will vary between each chapter unfortunately.


	23. Day 211 - Day 219

**Night 218**

Michonne sat where she was as Andrea tucked into her tin of sweetcorn, her hand never leaving the pommel of her katana. Their bag of tinned food and other items for survival lay in the middle of their small circle next to the logs of fire, which danced with sparks of flame.

It was the middle of the night, and Michonne had never felt so awake.

_I guess you haven’t since the FEMA camp._

Shivering uncomfortable at the unexpected cold despite the source of warmth nearby, Michonne turned around to spot an unwanted intruder. Instead, only the branches of the trees swaying softly greeted her. From what she could tell, there was nobody or nothing out there.

_You can’t know that. Mike would be scolding you right now for letting your guard down in this way._

Michonne closed her eyes and took a steady breath. _And Mike wasn’t real, Michonne. He hadn’t been real to you in a long time._

‘Michonne?’ Andrea’s voice filled with concern brought Michonne back to earth. She looked at the woman opposite her, huddled underneath a blanket she had taken from a house. It was an unusually cold night, not even the worst of the winter carried the same bitterness Michonne was feeling. ‘You okay?’

‘I’m fine,’ Michonne forced a smile. Andrea nodded her head, but Michonne knew she did not entirely believe her. Michonne watched on as Andrea put her tin of sweetcorn to the side, and Michonne braced herself for a conversation she was not ready to have, not at that moment in time.

_Why can’t we just eat in peace? We’re already risking too much attention being out in the open like this, with a light exposing us. I don’t like it, but we haven’t come across a house in miles. A string of wire isn’t going to make much difference if those fuckers come at us._

‘I miss real food,’ Andrea said as she hovered her hands above the fire. ‘I like sweetcorn a lot, but I loved it when it would be a side to a meal from KFC or something. I miss having casseroles and pies and fish. Proper cooked food.’

Michonne heard more than felt her belly rumbling. Andrea did too. The two women looked at one another, and Michonne found herself cracking a smile. This time it was not forced.

‘I’m sorry,’ Andrea giggled softly as she took her hands away from the heat of the fire. ‘I’m making you hungry.’

‘Don’t blame yourself, I was hungry long before I met you,’ Michonne said. She indicated the bag of tinned food they had scored from Michelle’s Motel. ‘You know what I miss, more than anything?’

‘What?’ Andrea asked. Her eyes were alight with curiosity.

‘Grilled sirloin steak,’ Michonne answered. ‘With peppercorn sauce drowning.’

Andrea moaned. ‘Shit, I would _kill_ for a sirloin steak.’

The pair of them settled into a comfortable silence as they sat across from one another, watching the fire having its dance on the logs. Michonne allowed herself to dream of being at her favorite restaurant, dressed to the nines and being served her grilled sirloin steak with peppercorn sauce.

‘And a glass of red wine,’ Michonne said.

‘What?’ Andrea asked.

‘Wine,’ Michonne repeated. ‘I was just thinking of having my sirloin steak with a glass of red wine, just enjoying myself.’

‘That sounds really nice,’ Andrea said. She rested her hand against her head as she fought off a yawn. ‘We could still have the wine, I guess.’

‘We could,’ Michonne said. Just as she finished speaking, she heard a twig break, and almost instantly she was standing up with her katana raised. She noted with approval that Andrea reached for her gun. Despite her obvious exhaustion, Andrea was just as much on her guard as her.

_Good. That attitude will keep the pair of us alive._

Moments passed into seconds and seconds into minutes. No moans of the dead followed the twig snapping, but Michonne kept her stance with the katana.

‘I think it was just an animal,’ Andrea said. ‘Nothing to worry about.’

‘It is something to worry about,’ Michonne replied. She circled the area as she checked the wire they had set up with the tin cans to rattle if somebody (or _something_ ) disturbed them. She looked far into the darkness of the woods, hoping to see whatever made the noise make its appearance.

It was only before she was fully satisfied that nothing was going to come out at them did she sit back down back at her fire, her hands never leaving the katana.

The warmth of the fire did nothing to melt away the chill in the air.

‘I don’t think I’ve ever asked,’ Andrea started. Michonne looked over at the woman curiously, wondering what she was going to say. _She seems to be doing this a lot lately. Picking at me like a vulture picks its prey._ Michonne braced herself. She knew the outcome of the question before it was even asked. ‘Where did you get the katana?’

Michonne blinked. She had been expecting many questions. That had not been one of them. She looked at her blade, the silver surface gleaming even in the darkness. She could make out the small Japanese motto carved at the bottom, although she did not know what it translated to.

The question brought back only memories of a frantic time of confusion. Michonne blinked and shook her head. ‘I picked it up,’ she said. ‘Just found it when on a run.’

‘Oh,’ Andrea nodded. ‘It’s just so rare to see one of those out here. I figured it might have been yours before all of this. My sister, she would have _loved_ to have seen one of those in person.’ Andrea looked downward at the fire after speaking, a familiar face of grief overtaking her curiosity.

Michonne recognize the face. It had been one she had learned to mask overtime. Thoughts of Andre and Elodie and Colette were always in danger of coming to the forefront, threatening to take away from what mattered in the here and now.

_You can’t think of them, Michonne. It’ll only drive you crazy, more fucked up in the head than you already are. Distract yourself._

It was with a shock to herself that Michonne picked up the conversation from where they had left off. ‘It was actually one of my old neighbors,’ Michonne said. Andrea looked up from the fire, and Michonne felt fire in her heart for taking away the grief from her face, if only for a moment. ‘Nasty little shithead he was. He was into all that geek bullshit, made him think he was hard or something. I still believe he is the reason my cat went missing. When this started, it was his house I went straight to for this.’

She held up the blade, the fire reflecting from the blade prettily.

‘Did you have any training though?’ Andrea asked. She looked at Michonne. Michonne noted with dismay the interest was not on the katana but rather her. ‘You’re just so good at what you do. It’s like you aren’t even yourself when I’ve seen you kill the walkers.’

Michonne shrugged as she lowered the blade. ‘That’s the only training you need. I just get better and better at it until it looked like I knew what I’m doing with it.’

‘And those walkers?’ Andrea pressed on. Michonne looked at her then, her heart no longer bursting with fire but rather ice that overtook. ‘The ones I saw you with at the start. Who were they? How did you know wha-.’

‘Enough,’ Michonne snapped. She stood up from where she sat, towering above Andrea. ‘Get some sleep, it’s going to be a long day of traveling tomorrow.’

Andrea looked hurt, but Michonne did not feel any sympathy as she walked ahead to the wire. Only bitterness and anger. Bitter at Andrea for pushing for more information than she needed to know. Anger at Mike and Terry for still having that sort of power over her.

_They don’t have the power, Michonne. Mike doesn’t speak to you anymore._

At the edge of their circle, Michonne looked out into the darkness. She fought back the tears that threatened to leak and succeeded. It had been close, however. With a venom that surprised even her, Michonne spoke up.

‘All you need to know is they weren’t human to begin with. Who they were does not matter, it never did. Now get some rest.’

She did not look back at Andrea, only at the dark and the dangers beyond their wire.

**Day 219**

‘Carl!’

Rick quickened his pace to catch up with his boy. Carl turned around at the sound of his voice, and his back immediately straightened. It unnerved Rick to see Carl almost reach out for his gun strapped to his holster, before his fingers relaxed at seeing there was no immediate danger.

_I made him into this. Me._

Currently they were standing in the staff room. Rick had been lucky to catch Carl as he had been heading out. He knew he could not delay the conversation any longer, not after the talk he had shared with Lori on the bridge.

_It’s on you Rick. Time to start being a father again and man the fuck up._

‘What is it, dad?’ Carl asked.

‘I just wanted to talk,’ Rick said. ‘I heard Beth is taking all the kids out to the library today. I’ve heard she’s really brightened the place up with Rachel and Susie.’

Carl nodded. ‘I heard that too. They’re thinking of doing the same with our cellblock.’

‘Well, it would be good to have some color around this place,’ Rick smiled. The grey walls and ceiling, as much assurance as they were for their safety, was just as drab and dreary for everyday life. _And this is the kind of place we’re going to bring our children up in?_

‘It would,’ Carl agreed, if for no other reason than to fill up the silence that threatened to overtake father and son.

‘Well, I was just wondering if you wanted to hang out with them?’ Rick asked. He studied his son as Rick himself assumed a more casual stance, putting his hands in his pockets and leaning slightly against the wall. Carl only stared at him.

‘Why?’ Carl asked. ‘They’re kids.’

‘And so are you,’ Rick pointed out. ‘I know it hasn’t been easy, but you are a kid son. This place, it’s safe enough now for you to go back to being one.’

Carl crossed his arms. ‘How can you say that? The back half of the prison is still filled with those things. And the court. And I’m not a kid, dad. You sound just like mom.’ A tone of irritation crept into his voice as he rattled off his points.

Rick fought back his own irritation. ‘You let the adults worry about that. And your mother is right, Carl. You can’t keep being mad at her for no real reason.’

What Carl had said was true, however. The family visitor section was near the ‘tombs’; a section of the prison which steel bar seemed enough to block the walkers from flooding the areas they had secured. That included Cell Block B, a block for where the remaining living prisoners were now residing. 

_This is fucked. If it isn’t one problem, it’s a goddamn other._

Carl only huffed at his response. ‘Well, I’m not going dad.’

‘Yes, you are,’ Rick gritted his teeth. ‘I’m not taking no for an answer, young man. You are going and that is the end of it.’

For a moment it looked like Carl was going to argue, but something in Rick’s tone of voice must have got through to him. Carl gave a reluctant nod, before turning around to move.

‘And another thing,’ Rick said. Carl seemed to freeze; he did not look back until Rick cleared his throat. The entire encounter was beginning to feel strange to Rick, old encounters with scolding Carl when he had been in trouble coming flooding back to him. It felt very much like riding a bicycle for the first time in a long time.

‘Your gun, I want it. You no longer need it,’ Rick said.

‘No!’ Carl blurted out. He went for his gun as if to shield it away from him. ‘You can’t.’

‘Carl,’ Rick said evenly. He did not raise his voice. He only looked at him, and Carl knew. His eyes gleamed with tears. ‘Give it to me, son.’ Rick stretched his hand out to take it.

_You should never have pushed him with it. Especially not after what happened with Shane._ As it always did, Rick felt the familiar strings of guilt and grief play around in his head as he thought of his former friend and the role his own son played in his death.

After what seemed like eternity when it had only been a moment, Carl gave his gun to Rick’s open hand.

‘Thank you,’ Rick said.

Carl wiped away his tears as he turned around and stormed off by pushing through the prison doors, not looking back at his father, and leaving him behind in the staff room.

Sighing, Rick looked at the gun his son had given him. Rick was used to carrying guns, the weight of them never bothered him. In that moment however, Rick captured himself of feeling the burden Carl must have felt as he aimed and shot true at Shane.

Carrying a gun had never felt so heavy.

*

Theodore covered the top of his head to see Rick coming toward him, the sun beating down upon the pair of them. ‘There’s the man himself. You ready to go?’

‘Yeah,’ Rick said. _He looks absolutely drained._ Theodore could not help but notice how haggard Rick looked and wondered if it had anything to do with Carl running across the court not moments before. ‘All the bodies in the back of the bus?’

‘Yup,’ Theodore said as he turned to look at the grey prison bus. ‘I’m glad this bitch still runs. Can you imagine if she didn’t? I wouldn’t fancy having to carry all those bodies out there to burn by hand.’

‘Me neither,’ Rick said. ‘Our cars we had wouldn’t have cut it.’

‘That’s why I’m surprised this bus runs,’ Theodore said as the two men stepped into the bus. He held his breath at first, the scent of the dead bodies and the flies that feasted upon them hitting harder in a closed space than it did out in the open. He sat behind the wheel as he turned on the engine as Rick sat just behind him. ‘Every other car but ours were all fucked with their batteries.’

He put his foot down on the pedal as he let go off the clutch. Theodore caught himself humming alongside the purring of the engine, but his good mood stopped as his eyes lingered upon the lone cross in the middle of the field.

‘Poor Morales,’ Theodore muttered. It had been a sobering funeral for the father of two. Louis and Eliza wept their hearts out as Hershel said a sermon to send his soul to heaven. It reminded him all too well of the funerals they had for Sophia and the Greene family, not to mention Veronica’s.

_Different day, same shit._ Theodore shook his head as they neared the gate. Maggie was currently in position to push the gate open for them, having to do so manually due to the lack of power. Any walker nearby had been dispatched by her through the fence so there was no danger of them getting in.

‘I can’t look them in the eye,’ Rick said. Theodore gave Maggie a thumbs up for her to open the gate, and as she pushed for a space to be created, he drove off. He kept his ear out for Rick continuing, but he never did.

‘It’s not your fault,’ Theodore said. It felt awkward having to acknowledge what Rick had said, but he did not know if he could make the trip with the shadow of Morales’ death hanging over them like a pall. ‘You did the best you could to save him, everybody knows that.’

‘My best wasn’t enough, Theodore.’

They passed by endless trees out in the open road in silence after that, just the pair of them with the many bodies at the back of the bus. The prison seemed to be in the middle of nowhere, truly invisible to the public before the outbreak. There were no signs that Theodore saw that could even indicate there was such a place.

Every now and then a lone walker would emerge from the woods, their hands outstretched. In a blur they were gone. It gave Theodore the creeps.

‘You think they know where we are?’ Theodore asked. His hands on the wheel, he noted a walker in his dressing gown on the road. His gown was splattered with muck. His wispy white hair blew by from the force of the bus as it passed by him. ‘The walkers, I mean. Do you think they’re heading towards the prison?’

‘They might have heard the shots,’ Rick said. ‘It’s how they found us at the farm. I reckon it’s possible. I wouldn’t worry too much about it though. We’ve got the fences to keep them out.’

‘That’s true,’ Theodore said. He sighed as they neared their drop off point. ‘When are you wanting to get our cars back in the prison? I don’t feel right just leaving them where they were, especially since they are the only ones we can get up and running at this point beside these buses.’

‘How about tomorrow? We’ve got our hands full with these bodies. And to think this isn’t even the last of these sons of bitches in the prison.’

‘Only the ones we killed,’ Theodore pointed out. ‘None in an area where we are living right now. We clear out the court and we’re golden, even if we should try and clear out the back of the prison. Or front, technically.’

‘We will,’ Rick said. ‘But if what Axel said is true, until we bring up some sort of barrier they are just going to keep coming anyway.’

Theodore felt any desire to continue the conversation drop at the mention of the prisoner. He remained silent as he pulled the bus up at their location, a cabin near a lake. The trees parted ways to show a stunning view as the sun shone over the crystal blue lake. Theodore doubted he had ever seen clearer water.

The cabin had been searched thoroughly by Rick and Glenn the other day, and it was decided it would be the perfect spot to dump the bodies and burn them.

Killing the engine, Theodore turned around to see Rick staring at him. ‘What is it?’

‘Do you think I’m doing the right thing? Letting those prisoners live.’

Theodore slumped against the seat. He remembered the intensity of his own desires to see the prisoners killed, and the cathartic rush he had felt when Rick had put the machete in Dexter’s head. It had been the best solution, he reasoned. He need only remember Dixon and the damage he had caused over his brother.

_Back then you still faced these problems. Nothing is ever easy._

‘I don’t know, Rick,’ Theodore sighed. ‘I really don’t. From my experience we just keep running into bad people. If they aren’t trying to blow us up or shooting at us, then we worry about them endlessly until something else ends up killing us. But not everybody can be bad. The Greene’s and Patricia are good folk, don’t forget them.’

‘Yeah,’ Rick said. He sighed and rubbed his forehead. ‘I’m just tired, Theodore. Tired of it all.’

Theodore sat up straight. _Shit, he’s worse than I thought._ ‘Rick, is everything okay?’

Rick smiled. It was not a convincing smile, but he made the effort all the same. ‘I’m fine. I’ll be even better when we get these bodies burning. Me and Glenn left the gasoline in the cabin. Should make a pretty bonfire for tonight.’

‘Yeah,’ Theodore replied for want of something to say. He got up to follow Rick as they went to the end of the bus. The shock of the smell had worn off during the trip. Theodore didn’t blink as he grabbed a prisoner’s arms as Rick grabbed his legs, and the pair carried the body to the open doors of the long-forgotten cabin.

The cabin itself was almost devoid of anything useful that could be had. Tinned food and bottled water had been taken as had shotgun shells and bed covers, leaving behind only wooden tables and chairs. A television sat on its table, a blank screen for the rest of its days.

Theodore resisted the urge to shiver as he took in the sight after dropping the body to the floor. ‘Still feels weird to go through people’s houses and shit, isn’t it? Just thinking about the stuff they left behind, never to be used again.’ He looked at the dust on the tables, layers upon layers. He marked his finger through to make his spot.

‘I don’t think about it,’ Rick grunted. ‘Let’s get this over with.’

The morning passed by quick, Rick and Theodore removing the bodies from the bus to the cabin. Sweating under the hot sun, Theodore thanked his lucky stars that not a single walker had come upon them yet.

‘I think after this I’m going to jump in the lake,’ he said after dropping one body to the floor with Rick.

‘I’ll join you,’ Rick grinned.

‘I’m not joking.’

‘I know.’

Before they knew it, all the bodies were dumped in the cabin. They were spread out throughout the room, a grotesque orgy of blue overalls that were never going to see the light of day again barring the inferno that was heading their way. Theodore grabbed a can as he spilled the flammable liquid over the bodies, and Rick lit a match.

‘It’s been fun,’ Rick said. He threw the match upon the bodies, and the cabin burned bright.

The smoke started to engulf the cabin as Theodore and Rick watched from afar near the lake. Theodore only shook his head and turned around to face the lake. The water had never looked so inviting and wandered over to the lake.

‘Just a quick dip,’ Rick warned. He joined Theodore as they approached the lake that looked straight out of a post card. ‘We both know those fuckers will be here soon to see what is going on.’

Theodore nodded. All he cared about now was the sensation of the water hitting his legs. It was freezing cold and he laughed as he shivered. It was not at all like the cold back at the prison; this cold was refreshing and like ice in juice on a hot summer day. He splashed himself with water. Rick nearby did the same.

The two men bathed in the cold and enjoyed their moment together as the fire began to spread within the cabin: its flames licking the wooden logs from inside.

‘I guess that’s our signal to go,’ Rick said.

Theodore only nodded, taking in the sight of the cabin. _A job well done._ There was nothing like it. The only thing Theodore wished he had on him was a smoke to make the day that much better. Sighing, Theodore followed Rick back to the bus.

The stench of burning bodies began to drift their way, and this time it took Theodore everything not to puke. He covered his nose and blinked back tears as the smoke got in his face and got back behind the wheel to head back to their new home.

Turning the engine on, Theodore started the bus and set off to go. He didn’t look back at the cabin nor the lake, still feeling the high of refreshing cold water that would ordinarily have his balls freezing off.

‘That was nice,’ he said. ‘We needed that.’

‘We did,’ Rick said. Theodore looked at his mirror and noticed that Rick was looking out the window, watching the trees pass by much as Theodore had on the way over. It grabbed Theodore’s attention that the man still looked very much tired.

‘Rick,’ Theodore said. Rick did not take his eyes from the window as he answered, ‘what?’

‘You don’t need to do it all. You know that, right?’ Theodore asked. Rick never said anything, he only had eyes for the sights passing by. ‘If you’re tired, you can step down. Focus on Lori and Carl. I know things haven’t been easy for the three of you as a family. You don’t need to take everything on. Not anymore.’

Rick still said nothing. Theodore expected and kept silent himself. He chanced a look ahead to the right and noticed a sign that he must have missed entirely on the way over.

**WARNING: HITCHHIKERS MAY BE ESCAPING INMATES**

Theodore could not resist the small snort that escaped him. _I guess that’s what we are now. Inmates._

‘Theodore,’ Rick suddenly spoke. Theodore looked up in the rearview mirror in concern, wondering if Rick had spotted some sort of danger that he had missed. Instead, Rick was only looking at him, no longer interested in the trees and walkers and signs warning of inmates.

‘Yeah?’

‘Thank you.’

*

Carol wiped the sweat away from her head before aiming the sharpened edge of her crowbar through the hole in the fence. The walker in front snarled, a young woman she supposed; it was hard to tell sometimes. With force that surprised her, Carol struck out and killed the walker.

Blood splattered as always against the fence and her clothes. Carol only shook her head as she pulled the crowbar away from her target, leaving the walker to fall to her knees. She had been the fifth walker to reach the fence that day.

‘You’re good at that.’

The voice gave her alarm. Carol turned around sharply, clutching tightly at the crowbar. The prisoner, Oscar she thought his name was, only raised his hands in surrender.

‘Relax. I’m only here to see if you need a hand.’

Carol looked around nervously, wondering if any of the others were nearby. Her stance relaxed slightly upon seeing Hershel and Billy wandering the field. It wouldn’t take them long to reach her if Oscar had planned something malicious upon her.

_Don’t be silly. He could have a gun on him or a knife, one second and it’s all over. They would never reach you in time._

‘I’m fine,’ Carol said. She cleared her throat as Oscar only nodded, his boots crunching against the stones beneath them. ‘It’s not hard to kill them from here, really. Even I can do it.’

‘I see that,’ Oscar said as he folded his hands. He smiled at her. Despite her fear, Carol found her nerves calming down. _Don’t let your guard down, you stupid woman. Ed was always right about you._ She ignored the thoughts as hard as she could, focusing on the man in front of her. ‘What’s your name?’

‘Carol,’ Carol answered. ‘It’s Carol. And you’re Oscar, right?’

‘Yup,’ Oscar said as he walked over to the fence. The walkers Carol killed were left to rot in the overgrown grass and be cooked by the hot sun. Carol saw Oscar make a face at the sight of them, but he made no comment.

‘Are you settling in okay?’ Carol asked. ‘You and the others?’

‘Best we can,’ Oscar said as he grabbed onto the fence with one hand. No other walkers were nearby, which Carol was thankful for. ‘Hard to sleep there first couple of nights though. That’s a sight I’ll never forget.’

‘Oh,’ Carol replied. She thought back to what Theodore had told her about B-Block. They had come into the block expecting the walkers to be trapped within their cells much like they had been in C-Block. Instead, every prisoner who had been there had been lined up neatly and shot in the head. The blood that stained the floor would never come out.

‘It’s just hard to believe, you know,’ Oscar said as he rattled the fence. Carol shivered despite herself. _Don’t make so much noise!_ She doubted it made much difference when they had been talking; and she knew they were on the right side of the fence. ‘The world being as fucked as you all say it is. But seeing that and all the rest of those bodies, I know you are telling the truth.’

Carol nodded as she took in his words. ‘I guess you were where we were at in the beginning of all this. I didn’t want to believe it either. But when I saw they dropped the bombs on Atlanta…’ She closed her eyes and braced herself, visualizing the sight of seeing Atlanta in flames.

_That was the end of it all. I knew it then. And I can still smell the napalm in the air._

‘They dropped bombs on Atlanta,’ Oscar sounded dumbfounded. Carol nodded and he whistled in disbelief. ‘I can’t believe it. So it really is over, then?’

‘I hope not,’ Carol said as she found herself relaxing into a conversation with Oscar, despite the thoughts warning her not to. _You can’t be afraid of everything all the time, Carol. You need to woman up._ ‘Do you hear that?’

Oscar froze as he leaned in to hear, and he shook his head. ‘I hear nothing but crickets.’

‘Exactly,’ Carol said. She raised her hand to indicate the sky. It was a bright blue day, the sun beating down upon them all hard. ‘There’s not a cloud in the sky, Oscar. The sun is still shining, and nature is still thriving. Every time I feel overwhelmed by thinking about it, I just think about those things to calm me down. It helps, sometimes.’

‘I guess you’re right,’ Oscar said. He turned his full attention to the sight beyond the fence however, upon the wooded trees and the pond with aquatic plants floating prettily on top. He sighed. ‘That’s not what I’m worried about, though. My wife is out there, and I’m stuck here.’

Carol raised her eyebrows. ‘You aren’t stuck here, though. You can go out there and look for her.’

Oscar only nodded, never taking his eyes away. ‘I can. I’m going to. It’s the first thing I’m going to do after I work up the nerve. But that is the thing. I just don’t know what it’s like out there. And your man, he died breaking in here. All of you were that desperate you broke into a prison to get away from those things, and this place was filled to the brim with them. It doesn’t give me much hope that she is still out there.’

A quiet settled over the pair of them. Carol felt discomfort at the imagery of his words, thinking of her poor daughter who had become just another little lost girl in the woods who turned up dead. _You prayed and you hoped she was going to be okay. Deep down you knew she wasn’t, and you turned out to be correct._

Carol looked at the man before her and felt nothing but sympathy. Before she only felt fear, now she knew better.

‘You can’t think like that,’ Carol said. She pressed her own hands against the fence and looked out to the wooded trees and the stream. ‘You just can’t. We shouldn’t have made it as far as we did, yet here we are. What is your wife’s name?’

A ghost of a smile flickered across Oscar’s face. ‘Her name is Denise.’

Carol nodded, startled by the confidence she felt. ‘Denise will be fine, Oscar.’ She thought of the girl who stepped out of the barn. ‘My own daughter, I wasn’t so lucky.’

Oscar stepped back from the fence, looking at her. ‘I’m so sorry.’

Carol shook her head. ‘Don’t be. It’s not your fault.’ _It’s Rick’s._ She let the thought die a quick death, knowing all too well how consumed she had been by the negativity she had surrounding the leader of her group. It was with certain irony she used him to prove her point. ‘Rick, our leader. He was separated from his family at the start of all this. And he found them. It can happen, Oscar.’

Oscar looked at her, and Carol liked to think it was hope that flashed across his eyes. ‘You think so?’

Carol smiled, feeling more hopeful than she had in a long time. ‘I know so.’

*

‘You think this’ll be a good land, dad?’

Hershel smiled at his son as he put his hands deep inside his pockets. ‘I know it’ll be, Billy. It’s not our farm, nothing will ever come close to that. And it’s going to take a lot of work to get it in good shape. But we will be able to grow fruit and veg here.’

Billy let out a whoop of laughter, and Hershel could not help but join in. The sun shone grandly up above them, and Hershel had never felt so glad. Not even chancing upon the cross laid out for Morales damped his spirits.

_This is what I needed, what we all needed. A fresh start to put the past behind us._

‘Where do you think we’re going to find the seeds?’ Billy asked. ‘To plant them and shit?’

‘Language, Billy,’ Hershel scolded. There was no heat to his words, but Billy looked downward all the same, abashed for having been told off. _Those months out there has made him forget his manners. That won’t fly around here._ ‘And to answer your question, I’m going to look over a map and see if somebody from our group might perhaps be willing to go to a store to look for them.’

‘Me?’ Billy asked.

Hershel shook his head. ‘No, you’ve done enough already son. I didn’t like you going off to deal with those prisoners. You’ve been put through more than a boy your age should have to go through. Your job will be to help me get this farming up and running so we don’t have to rely on tinned food all the time. You know what I say about jobs, don’t you?’

Billy sighed but he spoke with the practice of having said the words a thousand times over. ‘It’s my job and we’ve all jobs to do.’

‘Exactly,’ Hershel grinned as he patted Billy on the shoulder. Billy let out a small smile at his father’s encouragement and in that split second, he looked exactly like Arnold. Arnold had been more stocky whereas Billy was leaner and both took after their respective mothers; yet both shared the same smile.

Hershel felt his heart break just that tiny bit more thinking of his lost son. _I should have done more for him, and Lacey and Shawn. The best I can do is keep the rest of my children safe._ It was a promise to himself that he aimed to keep; and often brought up in his private prayers to his god.

‘Look, there’s Glenn,’ Billy pointed out. Hershel turned around to see Glenn approaching Morales’ grave with flowers in his hand.

Hershel frowned at the sight. _Normally he and Maggie are always together, inseparable those pair. I wonder what is up with him._ ‘I’ll go speak to him, Billy,’ Hershel turned back to face Billy. ‘You just go over there and see if Carol needs a hand. I’ve noticed that prisoner is talking to her.’

Billy only nodded and lightly jogged to his task, whereas Hershel focused on his by moving forward one foot forward at a time.

From afar, Glenn seemed lost in thought as he stood over the cross. Hershel noticed that the flowers, fresh daisies plucked from the field more than likely, had been laid at the bottom of the cross. Seeing Glenn towering above the cross gave cause for concern to Hershel.

_He must have been taking Morales’ death harder than we all thought. How could we be so blind?_

‘Hey, son,’ Hershel called out. Glenn arched his head around, but he made no move to step away from where he was standing. ‘How are you doing?’

‘Hey, Hershel,’ Glenn answered softly before facing the cross. ‘I’m doing okay. Yourself?’

‘Fine, fine,’ Hershel said as he made his way next to Glenn. He now stood above the cross and said a silent prayer for the soul of Morales. _May you have more peace in the afterlife than you did in this one._ He had not known Morales particularly well, but he had made Patricia happy and that more than anything made Hershel upset over his loss as well.

_And his poor kids, of course. I can’t imagine how my kids will go on if I were to die. Maggie is old enough to look after herself, but the rest are just babes. Rachel and Susie are too young to lose both their parents. It’s not worth thinking about._

It was in that moment Hershel realized why Glenn had come over to pay tribute despite the promise of a bright future for them all.

‘It’s weird, you know,’ Glenn said. He did not take his eyes from the cross. ‘You think I would be used to all this death. It happens all the time. But it hits me hard, every time.’

‘Oh, son,’ Hershel said as he held his hand firmly but gently on Glenn’s shoulder. ‘I know how you feel. Believe me. My family has been through enough tragedy and heartache to last a million lifetimes. We all have. It’s only human we feel each loss as if it was the first.’

‘I know,’ Glenn said. He looked and sounded miserable as he spoke. ‘This one was my fault, though. Again. Just like it had been with these people back in Atlanta at this nursing home.’

Hershel turned around sharply at that. ‘You can’t say that, Glenn. I’ve heard what happened; there was nothing any of you could have done to help Morales. Rick did his best to save him; it’s just unfortunate none of us had the resources or the time to properly save him. We gave him a fighting chance Glenn, more than he would have had if we had just left him to deal with it. Do not ever blame yourself.’

Glenn chuckled weakly. ‘It’s not just that, Hershel. I’m tired of it all. We chopped his leg off for nothing. I’ve shot and killed people to protect Maggie. We keep doing all of these things and it doesn’t make a damn difference.’

Hershel blinked. ‘What? When did you kill people to protect Maggie?’ He felt his heart beat like a drum, all his senses drowning out in sudden concern for his daughter’s life.

‘Back during the winter,’ Glenn rubbed his head. ‘They ambushed us during a supermarket. Us and Billy. I managed to get the jump on them, but it was a near thing.’

Hershel swallowed nervously; his throat as dry as sand. He looked over to see Billy, who was currently talking to both Carol and the prisoner through the inner fence. ‘I had no idea,’ he breathed.

‘Don’t mention anything to them, please?’ Glenn said. He had taken his eyes from the cross now. ‘I figured if they wanted you to know, they would have said something by now. I didn’t think it was worth mentioning myself at first.’

‘How could I not? They’re my children, Glenn!’ Hershel heard the harsh tone to his voice and stopped as Glenn looked away, as if he had been slapped. ‘I’m sorry, son. But if I had known, I would have made sure they stopped going on these runs. You too!’

Glenn shook his head. ‘You can’t stop us, Hershel. I know you don’t want to hear it, but we need to keep making these runs if we want to keep on surviving. And I guess that is what is bringing me down with Morales. He didn’t want to clear out the hallway so fast, he wanted a rest. But he knew just as we all knew it needed done. It seems we’ll keep on doing dangerous things and losing more people just to save the rest of us.’

Hershel found himself at a loss of words and looked down at the cross. Dug firmly in the middle of the field with the tributed flowers almost buried by the overgrown grass, it had never served as much a reminder of death as it did in that moment.

_This is the price we pay to make a home for the rest of us._

‘No,’ Hershel spoke, and he was just as alarmed as Glenn to realize he had spoken out loud. The younger man stared at him quizzically but made no attempt to speak.

‘We don’t need to live that way anymore, Glenn,’ Hershel said. He felt the telltale sign of hysteria bubble in his throat and he washed it down with the words he spoke next. ‘Me and Billy, we’re already marking down the ground for farming. Once we’ve got the seeds, we are set for life. None of us need to keep going out there anymore.’

Glenn remained unconvinced. ‘That might be true regarding food, but there is still plenty of other things we need. We need to do something about the front of the prison. It’s blown up to hell from what I hear. What use is this place if those things can just wander in when they feel like it? All it takes is one fuck up and it’s all over for us.’

Hershel did not give a pause to think about Glenn’s rebuttal, instead only growing more animated in his flow. ‘We’ll need to make a few more runs, Glenn. Sure. I understand that. But once we’ve got what we need, what we truly need? We won’t need to leave this place ever again. It won’t fall like my farm; we’ve got food and we’ve got water. Most important of all we’ve got safety.’

Hershel looked around the field. Instead of overgrown grass and potential for farming, he saw cut grass and grown crops of fruit and veg. He pictured Maggie in her thirties, children holding her and their father’s hand. He saw Billy, Beth and the twins in their twenties, young adults at last with their personalities fully formed. Patricia had found her own happiness as well with the boy and girl she adored just as much as she had with every Greene child.

‘This is our home, Glenn,’ Hershel said. He allowed himself a small smile. ‘It’s going to take a lot of hard work. But I don’t think we’ll need to push the envelope like we always do. And sooner rather than later, we won’t need to push the thing at all.’

The sun shined from above and towered above the prison, giving light to the grey and faded cracked walls of the prison.

The future had never looked so much brighter for Hershel.

*

‘You sure about helping me?’

‘Of course,’ Lori replied instantly. Walking through the hallway with the sun shining through the barred windows, Lori held onto her book as she walked side to side with Patricia. The two women had just returned from the library, where Beth was intending to look after the children in a play session.

_More like waddling._ Grimacing, Lori looked down at her heavy belly and sighed. _Come on, just kick for me. Give me a sign that you are alive!_

‘What’s wrong?’ Patricia asked.

‘Nothing,’ Lori said. ‘I just want this pregnancy to be over with already. It’s been hard on me, more than what it was like with Carl.’ Every morning Lori awoke with back pain from lying on the mattresses that felt like concrete, and every foot forward was a struggle. She longed for the days of her first pregnancy, where she could relax on her comfortable couch and be treated like a queen.

And where she could know for certainly if her baby was alive.

‘I guess it would be,’ Patricia said. She smiled wistfully. ‘It was always something I wanted to go through. Being pregnant, raising my own.’

‘Oh, Pat,’ Lori said. _You would have carried this baby much better than me. You were made to be a mother. I’m doing a poor job with the one I already have._

‘I know, I know,’ Patricia sighed. ‘It was always a dream of mine. But it just never happened between me and Otis.’

‘Well, you aren’t missing out on much. Believe me. I feel like a whale,’ Lori said. Patricia laughed. Lori was glad to hear the sound as they neared the cell. Patricia’s laugh died a quick death as her eyes caught sight of the cell, the barred door open for any to come in.

_And this is where you need to be there, Lori._

‘You’ll be fine,’ Lori whispered into Patricia’s ear as she squeezed her friend’s shoulders. ‘All of you will be. Morales will want you to do this.’

Patricia nodded rather unconvincingly. ‘He would, wouldn’t he?’

‘Of course, he would be,’ Lori said. She gently turned Patricia around to face her, book still in hand. ‘Everybody can see you love those two. Morales more than anybody. You’ve got this.’

Patricia brushed back tears. ‘Thank you, Lori.’

Lori smiled. ‘Don’t mention it. Now let’s get in there and see them.’

Patricia took a shaky breath before stepping into the cell. Lori followed from behind and stood at the door, watching the scene that was about to enfold. Already the cell had the touch of Louis and Eliza imprinted upon it. Crayons and pen markers from the family visitor room had been borrowed to mark the walls, as well as various toys that were scattered every which way.

Louis was down in the bottom bunk, Eliza up top. Eliza had been straightening a doll’s hair, but she did not appear to be particularly vested. Louis had his nose buried in some book, much like Lori had intended to do before coming across Patricia.

_And it’s what I’ll be doing after this._ City of Thieves was the book Lori held onto. Already her own cell was felt by her own personal touch, a pile of books waiting for her to dig into at the corner at any moment. Anything to pass the time as she waited day after day for her pregnancy to end.

‘Hey guys,’ Patricia said. Louis looked up from his book almost immediately. Eliza continued to straighten the doll’s hair, not at all phased by her visitors. ‘Can I come in?’

‘Yes,’ Louis said. He threw the book aside and jumped up. In an instant he was enfolded in Patricia’s arms. In another moment he was looking teary eyed at the woman towering above him. ‘Did you visit dad’s grave today?’

‘I did,’ Patricia said. It was to her credit that she did not seemed phased by the mention of Morales, but Lori knew it took everything for Patricia not to show her own grief. _And that’s what us mothers do. We are there for them for when they are at their lowest, but we cannot allow ourselves to be low when they so desperately need us._

Lori felt the familiar pang of hurt sting as she thought of Carl. She had no idea if he would even be at Beth’s proposed play session, or if Rick would make him go. She did not know where she stood with her family now that Rick was not as distant and angry to her as he had been.

It was the loneliest she had ever felt. But it was also the most hopeful she had felt in months. She still remembered his touch, from the day of Morales’ passing.

‘I heard about Beth’s thing,’ Louis said. ‘Eliza heard it from Rachel and Susie anyway. Is that why you’re here, to take us to her?’

‘It is,’ Patricia said. She brushed Louis’ hair lightly with her fingers before looking up at Eliza. ‘But before you both go; I need to talk to the pair of you. It’s important. Eliza, do you mind coming down and sitting next to your brother?’

Eliza sighed in dramatic fashion as she swung herself from the bed, her doll left up top. But as she sat down next to Louis on the cold hard floor, Lori noticed her eyes were just as intently focused on Patricia as her brother’s were.

_They love her just as much as she loves them._ Lori never had any doubt, but if she had she knew in that moment her doubts would have been laid to rest.

‘Okay, guys. This isn’t going to be easy for me to say, so I’m just going to say it,’ Patricia said. For the first time since she stepped into the room, she seemed somewhat nervous. Fiddling her arms, she turned to face Lori.

_You’ve got this_ , is what Lori mouthed to her. Patricia smiled hesitantly before turning back to face the children.

‘Now that your father is gone,’ Patricia began, ‘there’s nobody to look after you. I know it’s hard not having any parents, especially since the pair of you are still so young. So I was wondering if you would be happy to have me look after you? It doesn’t need to happen if you don’t want to, but no child deserves to have nobody in their life looking after you.’

There was silence that followed, and Lori felt beads of sweat in the palm of her hand. _It’s a hard situation, that is all. You know they will say yes._

‘Yes,’ Louis simply said. And he said it again. ‘Yes,’ Louis got up from the floor and hugged Patricia tightly. Patricia laughed, the sound feeling like music and fine wine to Lori’s ears.

Eliza sat on the floor still, and Patricia’s laughter died as she turned to look at the girl.

‘Does this mean we have to call you mom?’ Eliza asked.

Lori’s heart broke at the words, and she could tell from Patricia’s reaction that hers did too. ‘No, of course not,’ Patricia said at once. ‘I’ll never replace your mom. I didn’t know her, but I know your daddy loved her very much. You can just call me Patricia, or Pat. I’ll never go out of my way to replace her or your dad, but I will do my best to look after the pair of you.’

Eliza suddenly got up just as quick as Louis had, and Patricia found herself hugging the two children tightly as all three laughed and wept slowly as their new family unit formed.

Lori watched from afar, her eyes misty.

*

‘Thanks for doing this, Beth,’ Patricia said. ‘You sure you don’t want me to stay with you?’

‘Don’t be silly,’ Beth said. She looked at the woman she saw as an auntie for as long as she had been alive. ‘Didn’t you say my dad and Billy were needing some help with the farming?’

‘They are,’ Patricia said. ‘But five kids is a lot to deal with on your own.’

Beth shrugged. ‘It’ll be six soon enough once Lori goes into labor. You know I like looking after kids, Pat. I always babysat when I could. And in here at least they can forget all about what lies beyond those gates. I certainly do. ‘

‘I can see that,’ Patricia murmured as she took in the library. Beth took another look herself. The bookcases were stacked to the brim with books barring a couple, the absent books already being passed around the group for light entertainment. The walls, a dull blue initially, had been colored over just as it had been in Louis and Eliza’s cells with crayons and pens.

The floor was scattered with lego bricks, toy soldiers and dolls. The shrieks of laughter coming from the twins as they played tag with Louis was a sound needed to be heard to be believed. Beth did not think she had heard the girls laugh as they were since they had left the farm behind.

_You need to give them something happy to remember._

Patricia looked at the quietest of all the occupants in the room. Carl was sitting in the corner of the room, eyes focused intently on the book he was reading. He did not look to see Louis and Eliza make their entrance. Patricia lowered her voice so only Beth could hear. ‘I’m surprised Carl is here.’

‘Me too,’ Beth said. She gave a look at the boy and felt a disquiet in her belly. It felt wrong somehow to think of him as a boy, yet he very much was. ‘I think Rick made him go.’

‘Good,’ Patricia said. ‘That’s something I can tell Lori. I know she is worried about him, but she won’t say it out loud. Now I better get going, otherwise they might think I’ve up and left them.’

Before Patricia could leave, Beth reached out a hand to grab her. Patricia looked at her curiously. ‘What is it, Beth?’

Beth hesitated. _Should I ask her?_ Thinking better of it, Beth shook her head. ‘It’s nothing. Just wanted to say goodbye, that is all.’

Patricia examined her thoroughly, as if to search for any hidden meaning. Ultimately, she gave it up for a lost cause and smiled at Beth. ‘You’re a good one, Beth. Don’t let anybody tell you otherwise.’ And just like that the older woman was gone, and Beth was left to face the kids.

What followed next was a couple of hours of childish screams and chants. Beth joined in the fun as she played tag with the kids and doodled on the wall, humming under her breath as she sang a tune she had long since forgotten until that moment.

‘Where did you learn how to sing?’ Eliza asked her once.

Beth smiled and went to respond, but Susie beat her to the punch. ‘Our uncle Otis did. Didn’t he, Beth?’

‘You know he didn’t teach me to sing, I taught myself how to sing. But he did teach me to play guitar, and that is something I will never forget. You guys never met Otis, but he was Patricia’s husband,’ Beth said. Louis and Eliza hung on to her every word with bated breath, but Beth could not resist taking a chance look at Carl. He had his head buried in his book, but Beth thought she detected slight movement from him at the mention of Otis’ name.

_Of course. If it weren’t for Otis giving his life, Carl wouldn’t be here right now._ Carl had never met the man either, but Beth knew that would weigh heavy on any child if they knew.

‘Wow,’ Louis simply said. ‘Can you play guitar right now?’

Beth shook her head. ‘I don’t think the prison has one.’ Beth felt such sadness she did not know she could possess, the knowledge of another connection to her past lost for good.

_No, it’s not. There are plenty of guitars out there. All it takes is finding one out on a run, and you’re golden after that._

Another hour passed after that exchange, with Beth now writing furiously in her own diary as the kids had quietened down. Rachel and Susie were near enough fast asleep. Beth doubted that either of them had gotten much sleep the night before, so excited were they by their new living quarters.

Beth chanced a look at her sisters, before taking another look at Carl. She was surprised to see he was looking out the window, with Eliza by his side.

Beth looked down at her diary on top of the table. _Why do you even still carry that stupid thing?_ The truth was she didn’t know, only that it made her think of her home and the big tree she would sit under as she wrote about boys and makeup and songs and her hopes and her dreams.

‘Leave me alone!’ Carl all but shouted. Beth almost jumped and reached for the gun she had in her holster, the only weapon in the room. She quickly took her eyes from the diary to see Carl storming off in fury. Eliza looked close enough to tears.

‘Guys, what is going on?’ Beth asked. She jumped up from the chair, but Carl was already out of the room. She gave a desperate look to Eliza, who was now being comforted by her brother. ‘What’s wrong?’

Eliza shook her head violently. ‘I have no idea. But I don’t like him. He’s going to get us all in trouble one day. I just know it!’ And just like that she was off as well, with Louis chasing after her.

Beth bit her lip. _Fuck!_ Looking at the twins, who miraculously had not awoken during the shouting, Beth cursed again before making a move to follow the vigilant children. Rachel and Susie were safe at the library, but this current hallway had passages that led straight to the infested zone of the prison.

_You just had to be the big shot, didn’t you Beth? Always have to get yourself involved and playing the babysitter hero when you can’t even stop them from running off on their own._ Sighing in frustration, Beth shut the library door firmly behind her before sprinting lightly after the three children.

‘Carl! Louis! Eliza!’ Beth shouted. The only sound that greeted her were the distant growls of the dead in their infested zone, and the light tapping of her own footsteps in the darkened hallways as she searched for the children.

_It’s a good thing those steel bars keep the walkers out. Otherwise…_ Beth shuddered at the thought. The last thing she wanted was to have blood on her hands.

‘Guys, come on! This isn’t funny!’ Beth called out. She paused for breath, and her heart quickened as every second passed. _Fuck, Beth. You’ve really fucked up._ She could not imagine having to explain to Lori and Patricia as to what happened to their missing children under her care, having to look them in the eye and accept responsibility for their deaths.

_You’re exaggerating, Beth. You’ll find them._ And just on cue, Beth heard a small sniff. She quickly turned around, all the hope in the world flooding back through her veins.

She saw Carl in an empty cell. If it had not been for him crying, Beth knew without a doubt she would have passed by him without having seen him at all. The darkness covered him like a shroud, and he sat huddled in the corner. His head was pressed against his knees, the hat laid out on the floor.

‘Carl, there you are,’ Beth said. Her relief quickly melted away into a state of concern. ‘What’s going on, Carl? Why did you run off like that?’

Carl sniffed again before looking at her. His eyes were red rimmed, and he rubbed them furiously with his hands. ‘It’s nothing.’

‘It’s not nothing,’ Beth said. ‘You can talk to me, Carl. You should know that.’

‘I’m not a baby!’ Carl snapped. He glared at her. ‘I’m sick of everybody treating me like a baby. After everything I did on the road.’

His words and the venom he applied them with took Beth aback, but only for a moment. She knelt to her knees so she was on a level with the boy, and her words were a gentle contrast to his harsh ones. ‘I know you aren’t, Carl. I’m just worried about you. It’s not like you to go running off like that. Now tell me; what happened between you and Eliza.’

Carl just shook his head and turned to face the wall. ‘It’s nothing to do with _her._ Even though she likes to think it does. Not everything has to be about her. I miss Sophia. She was never like that.’

The mention of Sophia took Beth back to that dreadful day, the day where her entire world changed. She still remembered the bullets rippling through all the walkers, each one a dreadful nail to the coffin of her belief that her brother and mother could get better.

And then the little girl had stepped out of the barn and had dashed the group’s hopes just as much as the bullets had her family’s.

‘Is this what this is about? Sophia?’ Beth asked. She folded her knees with her arms, feeling pity for the boy before her. ‘I didn’t know you were close with her.’

Carl continued to look at the wall, not chancing to look at her. ‘She was my best friend in the camp. I miss her every day.’

‘I bet,’ Beth said softly. She wanted nothing more than to hug the boy before her, but she knew such an action would not have been appreciated. ‘I miss my friends all the time. Penelope and Michelle were their names. I always wonder what happened to them, whether they are still alive or not.’ 

‘It’s not the same,’ Carl said. ‘You didn’t see them die.’

‘No,’ Beth said. ‘I didn’t. But I saw Lacey die. My sister died in front of me, and if it hadn’t been for your mom I would have died too.’

Carl turned away from the wall. He looked at her in shock. ‘What?’

The memory now casted an alien sensation over Beth. It had been so long ago it felt like it had happened to a different person. Yet every night as she slept Beth dreamed of the sister who had clutched onto her hand desperately, screaming as she was taken away by the monsters in the night.

‘Back at the farm, your mom rescued me Carl,’ Beth said. ‘The night it was overrun. Lacey got grabbed by the walkers, and I would have got taken down with them too if it hadn’t been for your mom. She was so brave, Carl. I’ll never forget it.’

Carl wiped away a tear as he took in her words. Beth leaned forward, not wanting to let go from the hook she had the boy under.

‘This isn’t entirely about Sophia, is it?’ Beth asked. ‘It’s your mom too? And your dad?’

Carl shook his head, but there was no conviction in his words. ‘It’s nothing to do with them.’

Beth sighed. ‘You might be right, Carl. And I’m probably wrong. But you need to know that they love you and want nothing more than the best for you. That is why you were in that room with the rest of us. That is the best for you, even if you don’t see it.’

‘It’s not,’ Carl said. Tears came flooding back. ‘It’s not the best for me at all! Eliza is worried about what kind of crayon she can use to color the wall, and all I can think about is killing Shane to keep him from killing my dad! All I can think about is killing her dad before he can hurt Patricia! How can they think going back to being a kid is just the best for me?!’

_What?!_

And just like that Carl wept. A moment or two passed as Beth stared in shock at the boy before her, before he buried his head against her chest and wept openly, pouring his heart and buried tears to her in her embrace.

‘Shh, Carl,’ Beth hushed as she gave Carl the tightest hug she could. ‘It’s okay. Let it all out.’

How long they sat there Beth did not know. All she knew was that Carl Grimes needed all the help he could get, and this was his first step towards getting that help.

*

‘Maggie, there you are!’

Maggie smiled as she approached her father out in the open field, the sun shining from far above. Her smile dropped as she looked at the two men from far.

Hershel noticed her smile fade. ‘What’s the matter, hon?’

Maggie nodded her head towards the prisoners’ direction. ‘What are they doing so close to you?’ She felt for her gun as if by instinct, knowing that any second now could change to a fight for survival. If the supermarket had taught her anything, it was that.

The prisoners themselves were currently picking at weeds, Carol, Patricia and Glenn nearby. One of them, Maggie thought his name was Axel, was laughing heartily at something Patricia was saying. The other one, Oscar, was in quiet conversation with Billy.

Just the sight of her brother being so close to the prisoner made her heart rage with fury. She almost strode forward with the gun in her hand if it had not been for her father.

‘Maggie, don’t,’ Hershel said. ‘I had the same misgivings as you about them, believe me. But they’ve been helping me, Billy and Patricia out with this farming setup I’m trying to get off the ground. Axel has just come back with some tools he went to get in for us. None of us have let out guard down, as God as my witness. We’re not so stupid as that.’

Maggie remained unconvinced, but she let her fingers escape the touch of her gun. ‘What changed your mind? About letting them help you, I mean.’

Hershel shrugged. ‘I need the help. We’ll all need to pitch in if we want this thing going. It’ll just be like our farm again, you’ll see.’

‘If only,’ Maggie said. The farm was a fading memory now to her, sad as it was to say. She still remembered the peace and the clarity she would get on hot, sunny days at her childhood home from time to time, but the never-ending pursuit for safety and fleeing from danger made those feelings all the more distant.

‘Where were you, anyway?’ Hershel folded his arms. Dirt covered the prisoner overalls he had decided to wear that day. ‘I haven’t seen you since you let Rick and Theodore out to get rid of the bodies.’

‘I was at the armory, taking stock,’ Maggie rubbed her head. ‘Where are Beth and the twins?’

Hershel raised his brows. ‘You didn’t hear? It was the excitement of the day. Beth was looking after all the kids in the library.’

‘No, I didn’t,’ Maggie said.

Just at that moment, the door to the prison could be heard opening in a loud _clang._ Childish cries could be heard ringing in the air. Maggie quickly turned around in concern to see Louis and Eliza running to the field and making a bee line straight toward Patricia.

‘Beth, the twins,’ Hershel breathed. Maggie could barely hear him over her own concern taking over. _This was stupid! We shouldn’t have left the kids alone._

‘Louis, Eliza,’ Patricia broke conversation with Axel to run towards the children. Eliza ran forward with hands outreached, and Patricia embraced the girl. ‘What is it, what’s going on?’

Maggie and her father strode forward to hear. Maggie noted that Glenn and Billy also ushered forward. Carol and the prisoners stood afar but watched with interest, observers to a potential train wreck unfolding before their eyes.

‘Carl was being mean,’ Louis said before Eliza could get her words out. ‘He called her a spoiled brat!’

Maggie felt her heart slow, the telltale signs of a childish tantrum being the priority of their distress doing much to ease her. _You’re still out there in that supermarket, still out there on the road and not behind these fences. Relax, Greene._

‘Is that all?’ Patricia asked. She let out a shaky sigh. ‘I thought something had happened the way you two were going on!’

‘Where is Carl, Louis?’ Glenn asked. ‘Where is Beth, and the twins?’ Maggie loved him for that, for not letting the petty issues that only children loved distract him from the wellbeing of her family.

‘They’re still at the library, at least Beth and the twins are,’ Louis said before pouting. ‘Aren’t you going to do something about Carl?’

Maggie looked at Hershel amidst the children’s bickering. She grew concerned at once with how pale he looked. ‘Dad, is everything fine?’

Hershel looked at her and nodded. He did not need to say any words for Maggie to know what he wanted. _He needs to see Beth and the twins to make sure they’re actually okay._

‘Does anybody want me to get the kids out here?’ Oscar asked. Maggie narrowed her eyes as the man stepped forward, intruding on family business. She folded her arms as he continued to speak. ‘I can see it’s upsetting you, Hershel.’

‘I’ll get them,’ Maggie said. Her words were as cold as she intended. Oscar only looked at her and nodded politely, message well received.

‘I’ll go with you,’ Glenn spoke up. ‘I haven’t seen you all day.’

‘Then it’s a date,’ Maggie said. She did not take her eyes away from Oscar or Axel, who had gone back to loudly chatting away to Carol. Carol only nodded distractedly at his words, and Maggie could not help but remember that she had been introduced to Carol as a mother who ended up losing her daughter to the unfeeling hands of death.

_You can’t think like this, Maggie. Beth and the twins are the library. They’re safe, they’re fine. Get it out of your thick head that they aren’t._

Maggie and Glenn left the field, quiet together in a way that Maggie couldn’t recall. They entered the cold walls of the prison, a sharp contrast to the warmth of the field. They passed their cells in Cell Block C and found themselves heading towards the library.

‘Your dad knows,’ Glenn said.

So lost in her worry Maggie blinked rapidly before turning to face Glenn as they walked. ‘Knows what?’

‘About the supermarket,’ Glenn said. He came to a stop and sighed, brushing back his hair. Like them all, his hair needed a desperate cut. ‘We got to talking about Morales and it just came up. I’m sorry.’

Maggie stopped in her tracks. The cold of the prison only increased in its intensity as she took in his words. ‘Why did you tell him? He didn’t need to know that, Glenn.’

‘I’m sorry, Maggie. Really,’ Glenn pleased as he took her in his arms. ‘But it’s been eating at me, Mags. I can’t stop thinking about it. And it’s only gotten worse since we cut off Morales’ leg. I see it all the time, everywhere I go.’

Maggie flinched herself. She remembered seeing the leg as they left it, discarded in the cafeteria floor after it had been cut off from the rest of its body like a puppet would have with its strings cut off. ‘But that needed to be done, Glenn. Both Morales and what happened at the supermarket. I thought we talked about this?’

‘We did,’ Glenn said. ‘But I can’t move on from it, Maggie. Not like you can.’

‘Like I can?’ Maggie asked in sheer disbelief. Her concern quickly gave way to anger. ‘Do you think I can move on from it? I’m just like you, Glenn. It’s the first thing I think about when I wake up and the last thing I think about before I go to bed. I still have nightmares about Arnold in that horrible RV. That doesn’t mean I need to burden my dad with that shit, though. You should come to me about it, not him.’

Maggie shook Glenn off her. She felt the same hurt she saw flash through Glenn’s eyes at his reaction to that movement, but it did not stop her from speaking out in anger. ‘Jesus, Glenn! What were you thinking?’

‘I’m sorry, Maggie,’ Glenn said. He turned to face the wall, and that only made Maggie hurt more. ‘I’m sorry,’ he repeated.

Maggie sighed as she covered her head in dismay. Knowing why her dad was as pale as he had been out in the field only made her feel worse. _This is a fucking disaster._ Maggie shook her head softly as she let her hands go, looking at the man with his back to her.

‘Don’t be sorry,’ Maggie said. ‘I’m sorry for lashing out. Just, let us focus on getting the kids and we can talk about this later. Okay.’

Glenn turned around and nodded shakily.

The pair continued their journey, each moment passing by in agonizing silence. In her mind Maggie heard the gunshots fired to save her life, heard Arnold’s scream as the RV was overturned, heard Morales scream in pain as his leg was chopped off. All the screams and shots overlapped with one another, and still they were not as loud as the silence between the young couple.

All noise or lack thereof was interrupted by Glenn. ‘This is the library, isn’t it?’

‘I think so,’ Maggie murmured. They were standing outside the wooden door. The silence came crashing back to Maggie, and this time she did not have painful memories to hold onto to drown it out.

_Something is wrong. It’s far too quiet. Rachel and Susie are never this quiet._

With mounting dread, Maggie went to open the door. She saw her hand was shaking badly and she could not quite reach the doorknob.

‘Let me,’ Glenn said. He gently put her hand away. Maggie nodded at him gratefully, her annoyance with him already in the distant past. All she felt now was the worry that was threatening to strangle the life out of her, a noose upon her neck.

Glenn opened the door and stepped in with Maggie by his side.

Dull blue walls had been scribbled over with the gracefulness of children coloring in with crayons. Purples, reds, greens, yellows and more had been the new decoration for the library. The wooden floor soaked in vibrant red blood was even fresher.

Rachel and Susie lay side by side upon the pool of their own blood, their eyes open in terror at a horror only they could see. Rachel’s glasses had been discarded to the side, crushed into tiny smithereens. Identical twins with only Rachel’s glasses to tell them apart, they no longer had that in death as they had in life.

Their entire bodies had been decorated in bloody stab wounds; tiny holes punctured into their skin. Whatever color of clothing they had was no longer recognizable for the red. It was all red.

Maggie fought the urge to vomit, and the bodies and the red and the blood and the red and the childish drawings and the red books and the red toys and the red started to spin her entire world. She did not succeed in resisting her urge and not long afterwards joining the pool of blood was her own puddle of vomit.

Maggie did not remember Glenn calling out for her not to look or collapsing in his arms. All she remembered was the red. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay! Life always has a way of throwing a spanner in the works. This was relatively an easier chapter to write since there was hardly any action however when I got the chance to write. The hardest thing to write was of course that ending, easily one of the biggest shocks in the TWD universe. I was always shocked they never really included it in the show with Beth as the victim, although the Karen/David saga was loosely inspired by it obviously. 
> 
> Hope you all enjoyed, and hopefully the next chapter will be out sooner!


	24. Day 219

Hershel could not stop the spring in his step as he moved further into the darkness, his heart going a mile a minute.

_I should have gone with Glenn and Maggie. I know I should have._

What he should have done was irrelevant, however. He knew what was done was done. He only hoped that it was just the inner ramblings of an old man, too frightened of loss after the fair share of tragedy his family had faced in the past year alone.

And not the very real fear that something dreadful had happened.

‘Stop,’ Hershel murmured to himself. He placed himself against the wall and grabbed onto his chest tightly. His panting could be heard loud and clear in the narrow hallway. The last thing he needed was to have a heart attack. Most of all, his girls were counting on him to rescue them. He could not afford to let them down. 

_Our precious girls, Annette. I failed Josephine in protecting my kids with her. Only Maggie remains. I won’t allow any of our children to die too._

Hershel murmured a quick prayer to God before he allowed himself to put foot in front of another. Once again he continued on the pathway to the library, every thought a battle raging within his mind. He ignored the lone walker who clutched desperately through the steel bars, his hands outreached to grab onto him.

What he did not ignore was voices. Desperate hope saw Hershel quickly look upward, not quite daring to believe it was Beth’s voice he was hearing.

It was. She was walking towards him with Carl by her side, talking softly to him. The boy at first seemed to be engaged in whatever it was his daughter was telling him, but Hershel’s sudden movement caught his eye. Carl looked away from Beth and stared at him.

‘Beth,’ Hershel breathed. He drank in the sight of her, her blonde hair starlight in the dark and her blue eyes innocently looking upon the old foolish man she called her father. It was the most beautiful sight in the world to him. ‘You’re okay.’

‘Of course I am, daddy,’ Beth said. She left Carl where he was standing as she approached him. ‘What’s going on?’ Hershel heard the note of concern in her voice.

‘Nothing is going on,’ Hershel found he did not need to foce a smile. _She’s okay. Beth is okay. The twins will be okay!_ He gave Carl a wink as he looked at him. ‘I heard you were involved in some trouble, young man. Pray to tell me what it was about?’

Even in the dark Hershel could see Carl flush. Beth shot Hershel a warning look, and Hershel gave her back an apologetic look. _A private matter, then. Well, there’s nothing wrong with that. The sooner we get out of here and into the bright sun, the better!_

‘Where’s Rachel and Susie?’ Hershel asked. ‘I take it Glenn and Maggie are with them already? I know I should have went with them sooner, it was stupid of me to stay back there farming away when I could have been with you all already.’

‘Dad, what are you on about?’ Beth asked. ‘Rachel and Susie are back at the library where I left them. They were sleeping. I shut the door behind them when I went after the rest of the kids.’

And just like that the sensation of hope that he had caught slipped through his fingers. Hershel tried to hide his sheer terror, but his facial expressions must have betrayed him. Beth looked suddenly frightened, and even Carl suddenly seemed alert.

‘You never saw Glenn and Maggie come up here, did you?’ Hershel asked. His voice sounded distant, as if it belonged to somebody else.

‘We didn’t,’ Carl said. He looked up at Beth and Hershel before he took off running in the other direction. Beth went to shout out a protest, but Hershel placed a firm grip on her shoulder, nothing at all like the gentle touch she was used to from her father.

‘Dad, you’re hurting me,’ Beth said.

‘Let the boy go, Beth,’ Hershel said. He let go of Beth himself. ‘You’ve got your gun?’

‘Yes,’ Beth whispered. She looked at her father in alarm. ‘What is going on? Are the twins hurt?’

‘You just get back to the group, Bethie,’ Hershel said. His heart was sinking like a stone in the ocean. He already knew where this road was going. He had been through it five separate times, each time no less painful than the time before. ‘And if somebody that isn’t us approaches you, you pull that trigger. You hear me Beth? You pull that trigger. You don’t hesitate.’

Beth looked back at him in terror. Hershel did not allow himself to feel guilt for knowing he was the root of that terror with the panic he was driving into her. He only waited for her confirmation. At last she nodded.

‘Let me here you say it.’

‘I’ll pull the trigger,’ Beth said in a shaky voice. ‘I swear it.’

‘Good girl. Now go, get on going.’ Hershel said. Beth ran the other way, back to the group and the sunshine and safety. Hershel watched her go as her blonde ponytail flew in the air, watched her until she was out of sight but never out of mind.

With a deep breath, Hershel grabbed his own gun and went to make his move. He walked the hallway, every step heavier than the last. He knew it would only be a matter of moments before he reached the library and confirmed his worst fears.

_Dear Lord, why have you forsaken me so?_

‘You’re worrying over nothing,’ Hershel tried to assure himself. The words felt as empty as his promises to his family that he would always keep them safe, always.

Turning around a corner and seeing Maggie huddled against Glenn, with an alert Carl next to the pair of them was a heavy blow to the heart. Hershel let out an involuntary moan that sounded nothing human. Maggie had been huddled against Glenn, empty to the world until that noise cut into her like knife through butter.

‘Dad,’ she croaked. Her voice was empty, soulless.

_My fault. This is all my fault._

‘I need to see,’ Hershel only responded. He marched forward, quicker than he had initially. He reckoned it was the fastest he had moved since his younger days.

‘Hershel,’ Glenn was faster. He had somehow removed himself from Maggie’s embrace and was now in front of him, his hand outstretched to prevent him from entering the library. ‘You don’t want to go in there, believe me!’

‘Out of my way, boy,’ Hershel said. He sounded as if he were talking about the weather, wondering if it was going to rain that day. He knew the wrong phase of words from Glenn would set him over the edge. ‘I need to see.’

Glenn shook his head violently. ‘No father should have to see this.’

Hershel felt the tears brim his eyes then and he let them flow. ‘They’re my daughters, Glenn. I need to see.’

Glenn swallowed, and Hershel feared he would argue. Instead, he only bowed his head, before patting him on the shoulder and stepping out of his way. Hershel anticipated more conversation from the young man, but he only went by Maggie’s side. Maggie was openly weeping now.

Hershel stepped into the library. What he saw made time stand still. He could only look stupidly at his girls, his two _youngest_ girls lying on the floor. The stench of blood and piss and vomit swirled around him like a roundabout at a children’s playground.

_I failed you girls. I failed you Annette. I’ve failed as a man, a father._

He did not remember falling to his knees as he cried. He would have crawled over to the girls if he were motivated. All he had instead was bitter, bitter grief that would never heal, a scab that would always be picked at over and over until the day he died.

_It should have been me. It should have been me._

So caught up in his thoughts that Hershel almost missed the hiss. He looked up in alarm and realised that one of his girls had waken back up. Just like her mother, Rachel had been touched by the virus that lived inside them all.

 _Oh, Rachel._ Nobody could tell the twins apart if it had not been for her glasses, but a father always knew. She had a mole at the back of her left ear, something that Susie had lacked.

He expected her to get up from her back, arms outstretched in the same way all the monsters had. He expected to sit there and wait for her embrace, yearning for the teeth to bite into his flesh. Instead, she only hissed, and it was dawning horror that Hershel realised whoever had slashed and stabbed at her a million times over had severed her neck so badly that she was good as decapitated.

Another moan escaped him, and this time another hiss joined in to echo Rachel’s own. Both twins were together again, even in death they were never separated.

‘Let me,’ a voice spoke in his ear. Hershel looked up through tears as if he were taking a peak through his curtains to see Glenn with a gun in hand. Glenn only looked at him, and Hershel realised that he was asking permission.

Hearing the inhuman noises coming from his daughters, it was too much for Hershel. With a heavy heart and a heavy burden, Hershel gave his nod.

One gunshot fired in the library. The sound of it was shocking in its loudness. The second that followed was no less loud.

*

‘Are we sure about this?

‘Of course we’re sure about this! He’s the only bastard that could have done this. I haven’t seen him all day, have you?’

Carol found herself burning with a rage she did not know she possessed. Within the armoury she found herself gathering guns and magazines for the guns on top of the table, injecting shells and bullets. A heavily pregnant Lori watched in concern, whereas Patricia only helped her.

‘Look, Lori. You don’t need to get involved,’ Carol said. She looked at the woman. ‘Our kids, the _last_ remaining kids of this group, need somebody to look after them. They shouldn’t be alone after what has just happened. You don’t want them to live in a place with a kiddie killer on the loose, do you?’

‘Of course not!’ Lori snapped. ‘I would be with you right now if I know for a fact he did it. But we were told that he was only in prison for tax evasion. I just can’t see him pulling something like this off.’

‘Lori, prisoners lie,’ Carol said as if she were talking to a child. ‘It’s what they do. You should know, you’re married to a cop. One that shouldn’t have allowed for this to happen in the first place.’

‘You’re blaming Rick?’ Lori folded her arms and stared at Carol with a glare. Any other time and Carol would have found herself darting her eyes away from such a stare. Instead, she only looked back, unflinching to her credit.

_If Ed were to look at me in that way if he was still alive today, I like to think I wouldn’t back down either._

‘I’m just saying, letting these prisoners stay with us was a wrong call. I knew something like this would happen,’ Carol said. She grabbed a pistol and heard the satisfying click to confirm that it was locked and loaded.

‘And what about you, Carol?’ Lori asked. ‘You were awful friendly with that Oscar and Axel; from the way I hear it. Why aren’t you marching out to kill them right now?’

Carol shook her head. ‘I’ve talked to Oscar. He wouldn’t have done something like this. He doesn’t seem the type. Not that it matters either, both were seen all day by all of us. None of us can account for Thomas. Can you?’

Lori scoffed but she shook her head. ‘I can’t, no.’

Carol nodded. ‘Look, I know it’s not easy. Glenn is looking after the kids even though he should be with Maggie and her family right now. Why don’t you take over from him? Me and Patricia will deal with it.’

Lori seemed to hesitate, but she eventually nodded. ‘Just don’t let it get out of hand,’ Lori said. ‘This can go wrong in so many ways.’

‘We won’t,’ Carol promised. She looked at Lori and felt nothing for her in that moment, not even pity at the way she looked terrified. All she felt was the rage and the terror that was coursing through her veins, every second reliving the news announcement over what had happened to the Greene sisters.

_It’s like Sophia all over again. Everybody keeps letting these kids down. I’m not going to let it happen again._

Memories of her daughter usually brought sadness followed by longing, for the terrible past they had both endured and the prospect of what could have been if she had lived. Now it was fuel for her anger, her chance to prevent anything bad from happening to the children again.

_You may not like it, Lori. But I’m doing this for Carl. I’m doing this for Louis and Eliza. No child deserves to live in fear and die in fear like mine did. Not a single child._

‘Come on, Patricia,’ Carol said. She marched out of the armory, and she heard Patricia follow her. She did not look back to see what Lori was thinking, her mind only focused on the task she had set for herself.

_I have to do this. For the kids we’ve got and the kids we’ve lost._

They walked through the prison court, a two-woman army. Carol heard the dead still pinned up in the other court, locked up within their cage. It had been a week since the prison clear out, and still no real effort had been made to remove those ones entirely.

_Maybe we’ll feed Thomas to them. Teach the sick son of a bitch what its like to feel real pain._

Her words only adding gasoline to the fire of her intentions, Carol found herself marching through the prison walls. Patricia hurried to catch up to her. It did not surprise Carol that Patricia had streaming tears down her cheeks, as angered by her as to what had happened. She was a mother now, and in truth she always had been some sort of motherly figure to the Greene kids.

They passed the Greene family in their cells in Cell Block C and focused on marching to where the real prisoners were located. With every step they moved forward, and to Carol’s ears it sounded like they were the only people making noise in the prison. The only noise louder was her heart beating like a drum.

_There it is._

The entrance to Cell Block B was displayed in faded white letters on top of the wall, large and proud. Carol heard murmurs from afar, and for the first time she realised her palms that supported the gun she was holding was drenched in sweat.

_You’ve got this, Carol. You’ve got this._

With a sigh, Carol walked into the Cell Block. Patricia followed behind her, as quiet as a mouse but Carol saw the same fire she possessed shone in her eyes.

They found the prisoners sitting in chairs around a table they had carried from a guard’s office. Oscar was currently holding up a stack of cards as was Axel. Thomas was with them, his brows raised as he observed their visitors through his thick glasses.

‘What’s this, then?’

Patricia snarled and she raised her gun. Even Carol herself flinched as Patricia fired the gun, the bullet hitting the floor from where the prisoners sat. The men yelled as they pushed themselves from the chair, ready to duck behind the table. Thomas, Carol saw with satisfaction, had pissed himself. The evidence was in the stain forming in his blue overalls.

‘What the fuck?!’ Axel yelled. He cowered behind the table he quickly overturned. ‘You crazy bitch, what’s this all about?’

‘Don’t!’ Patricia screamed. She held the gun with two hands now, both shaking as she aimed more clearly at Thomas. ‘Just stop talking!’

‘Carol!’ Oscar said. He had stood up, arms raised in the air. He did not take his eyes from Patricia. ‘Get her to calm down!’

‘Calm?’ Carol heard herself say. It was as if she was in a different world entirely, not at all in control of her body or the voice emerging. ‘Just stay out of this, Oscar! That _monster_ deserves what is coming, after what he did to those girls!’

‘What?’ Thomas spluttered. ‘I don’t know wha-.’

‘I said stop talking!’ Patricia shouted. She was shaking so bad that Carol realised she was no longer aiming clearly at Thomas. Oscar kept his composure, but even Carol noted the slight flinch as the pistol wavered his way. ‘Just stop talking!’

‘Pat,’ Carol said. _It’ll have to be you, then._ ‘Pat, just take it easy.’

‘Take it easy?!’ Patricia scoffed. She turned her head to look at Carol, but there must have been something in her eyes that appealed to her. Letting out a wordless cry, Patricia lowered her gun. She broke down crying, but to Carol’s relief she did not drop the gun onto the floor as she had feared she might have.

‘Can I ask what is going on?’ Oscar asked. Carol wrinkled her nose as a foul stench assaulted her senses. Thomas had done more than just urinate himself.

‘Oscar, Axel. Move to the side,’ Carol found herself saying. Axel wasted no moment to comply with her wishes, pushing himself forward with a speed that betrayed the size and weight of his body. Oscar did as he was told, but he moved with dignity.

Thomas sat in the chair still, now bubbling away as Patricia was. ‘What is going on?’ He asked in a manner that Carol could only describe as pathetic. ‘What happened?’

‘You did,’ Patricia spat. ‘You murdered those girls, you fucking bastard! They were just little girls. How can you do that, you sick fucker!’

With another scream, Patricia went to lurch towards Thomas. Thomas fell backward as Patricia was on top of him, scratching his face with her nails. Oscar quickly drove forward into the scene before Carol could react, pulling the woman from the prisoner.

‘Come on, let him go!’ Oscar shouted as Patricia screamed and Thomas cried. He pulled Patricia easily from the man as easily as he would have pulled an empty trolley from a set of trollies. ‘This isn’t solving anything!’

‘What girls?’ Axel asked. He was looking at Thomas now as Oscar held onto Patricia, who collapsed against him crying her heart out.

‘Hershel’s girls, the two youngest,’ Carol found herself saying. Thomas looked broken, crying as he rubbed his raw face. ‘They were found murdered.’

‘Who says it was him?’ Oscar asked. He held onto Patricia still as he looked over at Carol. ‘It could have been one of your lot.’

‘I don’t think so,’ Carol said. ‘You and Axel were both accounted for. He wasn’t.’

‘I didn’t kill those girls,’ Thomas cried into his hands. ‘I didn’t. I didn’t even know there had been a murder.’

‘What was it you were in for, again? Tax evasion?’ The sound of Thomas crying, and his denial relit the fire. Carol found herself moving forward, gun aimed at the man below her much like Patricia had aimed hers. ‘Answer me!’

‘It was tax evasion,’ Oscar was quick to say. ‘He’s always told us that.

‘He could be making it up,’ Carol dismissed. The gun felt heavy in her hand, and Carol could have swayed if she leaned the wrong way. _Keep it together, Carol. You’ve got this._

‘Then I could have been making up Denise,’ Oscar snapped. Patricia had let go from him now. She had eyes only for Thomas, sobbing next to his shattered glasses. ‘Axel could have made up his crime. We all could have. You can’t just go around playing judge, jury and executioner with an attitude like that.’

‘Sure I can,’ Carol found herself saying. _Those girls deserve justice. I’ll give it to them._

‘Then pull the trigger,’ Oscar challenged. ‘Go on then, if you feel that strongly about it.’

Carol felt her fingers ready to squeeze the trigger, if only to prove Oscar wrong. Thomas wept, and the stench coming from him threatened to make Carol vomit. _Do it then, prove him wrong! You carried a grenade to use against Ed if it came to it. Would you have actually used it?_

It frightened her to realise she most likely would not have. _I’ve failed you again, Sophia. And Rachel and Susie, I’m so sorry._

Sighing, Carol lowered her gun. Thomas remained where he was, but Carol saw Patricia make a move for him.

‘Don’t, Pat,’ Carol said. Her voice sounded weary to her ears. She had never felt so tired. ‘We’ll lock him up until Rick and Theodore come back, figure out what to do with him then. It’s out of our hands for now.’

‘That’s fair,’ Oscar said evenly. Carol ignored him, thinking only of dead little girls and the justice they would never receive.

*

‘What happened!?’

Oscar looked grim as he bowed his head. ‘I’m sorry to tell you like this, but there was trouble with Hershel’s girls. The young twins, I’m led to believe. Carol and Patricia have accused Thomas of killing them.’

Rick shot only a look at Theodore before he found himself sprinting up the ground. _This can’t be happening. This can’t be fucking happening._

The sun shining over the prison grounds could not have injected any optimism into his veins as the bus trip with Theodore had. That optimism had died like a flower in the harshest of winters even before Oscar had approached the bus with the news. He had sensed something was wrong from the first moment he glanced at the prison again, deep down in his gut.

_Hershel, my god. He’ll be devastated. And Rachel and Susie, I only saw them the other night._

Reaching the open court, Rick saw Lori sitting at the bench with Carl, Louis and Eliza. She turned around as she heard his footsteps, and said something to the children before getting up from the bench and waddling over to him, supporting her back as her pregnant body was in full display.

‘You’re back,’ Lori said. She looked exhausted, the bags under her eyes giving her away. Her voice was strained, and Rick could tell she had been crying with how puffy her eyes were.

‘I’m back,’ Rick whispered. Before he thought about it, he hugged Lori tightly. He felt the way her body froze as if in shock, but it was only for a moment. She relaxed and hugged him back.

_It could have been you. You and Carl and the baby, gone just like that._

Rick took a shuddering breath as he let go from her. Lori sniffed as she looked at him. _This wouldn’t have happened if I didn’t lead them all here._

‘Where are they?’ Rick found himself asking.

‘Hershel and his family are in Block C,’ Lori said. She wiped tears away before they emerged. ‘Glenn and Pat are with them for support. I’m watching the kids for Patricia; we can’t leave them alone.’

‘No, we can’t,’ Rick said. He looked over to see Carl looking forlorn, not at all engaged with his surroundings. Louis and Eliza were sitting opposite of him, it was hard to tell to see what they were doing.

_My fault. This is all my fault._

‘Carol and Axel are standing guard over _him_ ,’ Lori said. ‘They’ve put him in a cell in B and have locked the door.’

‘Good,’ Rick said. ‘How do you know it was him?’

‘Good question,’ Oscar announced himself as he and Theodore reached the court. They joined the couple in their conversation without so much as an invitation. ‘It’s something I’m still scratching my head over. There is _nothing_ that suggests it was Thomas who could have done it.’

‘He wasn’t with you or Axel when you were helping Hershel begin to farm,’ Lori pointed out. ‘He isn’t accounted for at all.’

‘Neither were you,’ Oscar said. By the way Lori narrowed her eyes, Rick knew a violent storm was beginning to brew. ‘Does that mean you’re the killer?’

‘That’s ridiculous,’ Lori scoffed.

‘Exactly. Just like it’s ridiculous accusing Thomas just becau-.’

‘Enough!’ Theodore snapped. Rick blinked as turned to look at the man. ‘There’s no point falling out over this. Let’s just go and see him,’ he addressed Rick. ‘Interrogate him, play our good cop bad cop shit that we did back in Atlanta. It should work like a charm.’

‘Yeah,’ Rick took to Theodore’s suggestion like a fish to water. He swallowed the panic that was threatening to overwhelm him. _Focus, Grimes. You can blame yourself for this later._ ‘We’ll do that.’

Giving Lori a slight nod he left her there, standing and watching him go. _You need to find out who did this. That’s the main thing. Worry about all the other shit later._

Rick approached the kids at their table. Carl was watching as he approached, his gaze unreadable. Rick remembered their conversation that morning, an encounter that seemed like years ago now. _And I took his gun away from him. He could have ended up exactly like the girls._

The thought was enough to fill him with enough shame to last a lifetime. He sighed as he neared the kids, and as they looked expectedly at him Rick found his throat dry with no words to give.

_What can I say? I’ve let you all down. Every single one of you._

‘How’s it going kids?’ Forever his saviour, Theodore stepped in for him. ‘I hope you’re all doing okay. It’s scary what’s happened.’

Louis and Eliza murmured their agreements. Carl only nodded, not taking his eyes from Rick. Rick could not help but look at the holster he still wore, where there should have been a gun there was only empty space.

‘If you ever want to talk, just give one of us a shout,’ Theodore said. He nodded at Rick to indicate it was time they left just as Lori approached the bench. Rick took care not to glance at her, and in doing so he saw Oscar in blue standing afar.

_If it isn’t Thomas, it’s one of the other fuckers._

Grabbing onto his own gun, Rick turned to face Carl. Carl looked up at him, his face still a blank canvass. Rick had no idea what he was thinking as he held his gun out.

‘I’m sorry for taking this away,’ Rick found himself saying. He swallowed his pride as he looked at his son, only eight years of age and already been through a lot more than any adult, never mind child should have to go through. ‘I won’t let that happen again. You need to keep yourself safe.’

There was a pause of breath from everybody at the scene, as if in anticipation of what Carl would do or not do. Rick could only guess what Lori must have been thinking.

After what seemed like eternity, Carl took the gun from him.

Rick let out a silent sigh of relief. He ruffled Carl’s hair lightly, and this time he did look at Lori. She had sat down besides Louis and Eliza, but much like their son her expression was uncomprehending in revealing what she was thinking.

_She has her gun too, at least. I’ll need to speak to Patricia about Louis and Eliza learning to shoot as well. I don’t care if it isn’t what Morales would have wanted, no child is going to be left unsafe again._

Rick and Theodore left Lori and the kids as they entered the prison. The cold atmosphere inside the prison felt no different than outside, and Rick found resentment beginning to stir within him.

_This was meant to be a safe place, for all of us._

‘You okay?’ Theodore asked quietly as they approached Cell Block C.

Rick nodded his head, not trusting himself to speak. _You’ve got a job to do, Grimes. Focus on that before you crumble like a house of cards._ Theodore did not seem convinced, but he only nodded back. Whatever was going on with him, they could both wait until the situation at hand was dealt with.

 _It’s not about me._ And that notion was never clearer in the sound of muffled crying coming from one of the cells. Adding to the pot of resentment was dread as Rick realised, they were near the mourners, the family that had already suffered so much and were continuing to take the blows.

_You owe it to Hershel to look at him in the eye. You promised him his kids would be safe here by coming here. You owe him that, at least._

‘Wait a minute,’ Rick mouthed to Theodore. Theodore nodded as Rick approached the cell and ducked his head in, every step feeling like climbing mountains in anticipation of the scene he was about to enter.

Hershel was sitting on the bottom bunk, Beth at one side and Billy on the other. Maggie was standing, her head buried in Glenn’s chest as he brushed her hair softly. Patricia had her back up against the wall, rubbing her eyes. A cell made for two had never looked so crowded, but Rick knew that sense of closeness was probably the one last string that was keeping them all from snapping.

_You owe it to them._

‘Hershel,’ Rick croaked. He winced inwardly at his voice going at the worst possible moment. Hershel looked up, red rimmed underneath his eyes. And once again Rick cursed himself for making the situation about himself.

There was a heavy silence. Only Glenn looked at Rick’s presence besides Hershel, the rest consumed in their grief and tears.

‘I’m sorry,’ Rick said, not knowing what else to say. He looked down at the floor before he could see the accusation form in Hershel’s eyes, blaming him for not being there when his girls needed him the most. He had never felt like a coward more.

Rick turned away from the cell, away from a broken family as he joined Theodore in their journey to Cell Block B.

*

The walk to the accused was long and silent. Theodore wondered if perhaps everybody else was weighed down as much as he was feeling right now.

_Those little girls are dead._

He dreaded to think where the bodies had been placed. He thought of the lone grave outside, Morales’ cross having been planted for no longer than a week would be joined by another. That is if Hershel would bury the girls. (His mother had insisted on burying Veronica. Theodore knew his sister would have hated that. He could not have argued with the grieving mother, however).

Sighing, Theodore rubbed his eyes. He heard Rick’s shallow breathing and turned to look at the man before him. Any process they might have made in the bus was reduced to rubble already. Rick looked like he had aged a decade just by hearing the revelations.

_He’s not fit for this. I think he’s going to crack at any moment._

‘Do you think he did it?’ Rick asked. It was said quietly, but it was enough to break through Theodore’s distraction.

‘Probably,’ Theodore said. ‘I believe them when they say he wasn’t accounted for. But we won’t know until we’ve seen him.’

‘Yeah,’ Rick ruffled his hair. ‘It’s just the same shit over and over again, isn’t it?’

 _More than you know._ Theodore found himself thinking of Veronica, the future at the palm of her hand and the sly smile she always had. He remembered having to identify her at the morgue, his mother too broken to do so. It had been the worst day of his life.

 _Even in this fucking world there are still some twisted fucks who will kill a girl. If I find out this bastard did it, I’ll shoot him myself._ ‘It is,’ Theodore finally grunted. The two men were now outside Cell Block B, the sign indicating as such up above, welcoming as a prison sign could hope to be.

They found Carol and Axel standing in front of the cell. Theodore felt relief blossom at the sight of Carol, hands still clutching desperately onto her gun. Axel’s entire stature covered the inmate within the cell from sight.

‘Carol,’ Theodore said. He marched forward by instinct, and Carol allowed herself to be enfolded by his hug. ‘You’re okay.’

‘I am,’ Carol whispered as she hugged tightly back. Theodore looked at Axel, whose smirk disappeared at his glance.

_We should have killed these fuckers from the jump. This wouldn’t have happened if we had done the right thing._

‘You can go,’ Rick addressed Axel. ‘We’re here now.’

Axel raised his hands. ‘Okay,’ he said. ‘I just don’t want no trouble, you follow me? I know Oscar is mad about you accusing Thomas and all, but I have to say I never trusted that little fucker in there. Guy always gave me the creeps.’

As if in response to his fellow inmate’s judgement of his character, Theodore heard whimpers clearly for the first time. He let go from Carol and approached the cell, his hands encircling around the steel bars as he looked at the man cowering in his cell. He had his back to everybody, the shadows enfolding him like a shroud.

_Fucking scum is what he is. How can you kill two little girls like that?_

The very sight of Thomas made it clear without a shadow of doubt for Theodore. There was no need to interrogate.

‘What you fucking crying for, kiddie killer?’ Theodore heard himself say. He was startled to see his hands shaking, and he gripped the steel tighter to stop. ‘What the fuck you crying for?!’

Any rational intent he had on interrogating Thomas went out of the window as he saw the man. He thought only of Rachel and Susie, the two girls he had only seen that morning as they got ready for Beth’s planned activity. They had been excited, and Theodore had found their enthusiasm contagious.

‘Theodore,’ Rick said. Theodore turned around to look at the man behind him. He was standing to his left, Carol to the right. Rick only shook his head, but Carol was motionless. Axel had slipped away from the commotion.

‘I can’t, Rick,’ Theodore found himself saying. He turned to face Thomas sitting in the cell. ‘I can’t follow through this without getting rough with him.’ He thought of the girls, and their faces blended to form into Veronica.

 _She was my sister, and bastards like this took her away from me._ Hot tears clouded his vision. He tried to think of God and the calm he got from his presence, but all he found was rage.

Rick was as pale as a ghost, but he understood what Theodore was saying. Theodore found himself itching to get beyond the cell, to wrap his hands around Thomas’ neck and squeeze the life out of him. _It’s what he fucking deserves._

‘Where are the keys?’ Rick asked after what seemed like an age.

‘Here,’ Carol reached into her pocket and pulled them out. They jingled in the silence. She passed them wordlessly to Rick, who seemed to hesitate before he held out his hand.

The keys were an invitation to get justice at last. Theodore stared at them, before picking them up. They felt warm in his hands, surely the warmest thing in the entire godforsaken prison. He turned to unlock the door.

Thomas had turned around now, his face as red as a bruised peach. It was all to do with the shame of getting caught, Theodore reckoned. _It’ll be even redder once I’m done with him._ His eyes squinted in the darkness, small without his glasses.

‘Oh no, oh no,’ Thomas was muttering to himself as he scurried away as far as he could on his hands to the corner of the room, hoping to get away from Theodore’s reach.

Theodore marched forward at once, blood pulping. He had been calm throughout the entire trip back, the sincerity and gentleness of the lake a far distant memory. Only the rage consumed him now, and its target never looked as inviting as he did at that moment.

‘You think you can just go around killing little girls, then?!’ Theodore shouted. He saw as if he were an observer and not a participant as his foot kicked Thomas’ stomach. The man moaned and he involuntary vomited whatever tinned meat he had eaten from the cafeteria that morning. Theodore wasted no time in grabbing onto Thomas’ balding hair and forced his face as far as possible to the man.

‘You think you can just do what you want?’ Theodore asked.

Thomas tried to shake his head. The mere act only spurred Theodore on, who gave him a Glasgow kiss for his troubles. The world for both men was dizzy, yet Theodore’s intent remained balanced as he went in for the kill. Every kick and every punch that followed afterwards could be heard echoing around the block, loud as an orchestra.

With every punch he thought of Rachel and Susie. With every kick he thought of Veronica. He scratched at Thomas’ face at one point, digging deep marks into his face that would never fade.

He gave everything he got, until there was nothing left to give. Panting for breath and drenched in sweat, Theodore collapsed backward onto the floor. Thomas was unrecognisable, a bloody mess much like Theodore imagined Rachel and Susie to have been found in. If it were not for his shallow breathing, Theodore would have thought the man killed.

_What did you just do?_

Theodore turned around, stunned by his thought. He had delivered justice, hadn’t he? He saw Carol, who only watched from afar. She was gripping on the cell tightly.

Rick was no where to be seen.

*

Billy swayed his head against Hershel, holding onto the man in a way he hadn’t done since he was a boy. Beth was to his other side doing much the same thing.

_They’re gone. How can they be gone?_

His father looked the worst Billy had ever seen him. Even on the day of the dreadful barn incident, Billy had never seen the man look so broken. What made it alarming was the fact Billy recognised his father probably needed support from _him_ more than Billy needed his father’s support, yet here he was on the bed. Acting a child.

‘Where are the bodies?’ Hershel finally said. None of them had spoken a word, and with the exception of Rick popping his head in to apologise, silence had very much remained dominant in the cramped cell.

‘I’ve covered them with a blanket,’ Glenn said. Billy watched as the man held onto Maggie, her face buried in his chest. ‘I’ve moved them into a cell for now.’

 _Until we decide on what to do with them._ The very thought of burying the girls in the same grounds where they had intended to farm just that morning was too much for Billy. There was already a cross marked out for Morales, and Billy thought upon the crosses they had marked for both his mother and Shawn back at the farm.

_I’ll never see those graves again. And the same thing will happen again with the girls._

The thought was too much. Billy eased from Hershel and rubbed his eyes furiously, desperate not to cry in front of his family. _No, you can’t be the baby anymore. You need to man up._ He envied Glenn for the calm he was displaying, much like he had at the supermarket. Then again, it was not his family that had suffered two more losses.

‘Good, good,’ Hershel said absently. He had not noticed that Billy had shied away from his presence, still holding onto Beth. ‘We’ll need to arrange a funeral soon.’

Billy wanted to scream. _Haven’t you had enough of them?!_ He did not say it, but he felt his temper rise as it always did at the most inopportune moments. He was angry enough to pull out a gun and march to where Thomas was currently residing and empty the magazine upon his body.

It was a thought he held onto with relish. _Yeah, that’s what I will do._

‘I’m sorry,’ Beth said then. Currently she was looking at the corner of the room, focused on something only she could see. She did not look at her family or their friends as she spoke, her eyes intent on the corner. ‘I’m so sorry.’

_You should be. You should never have left them._

It was too much. One moment Billy was on the bed, clutching onto hopes and thoughts of revenge. In the next he was standing up, roaring out his heart’s content.

‘It’s your fault!’ Billy pointed his finger at his sister. They were now the last of Annette’s children, much as Maggie was the last of Josephine’s. ‘Why did you fucking leave them?! You had one job and you blew it.’

Beth only looked at him, making no move to defend herself. That was enough to spur Billy on all the more. ‘Why did you do it?!’

‘That’s enough!’ Hershel roared. Billy felt a stinging sensation and before he knew it he was on the floor. He wiped his mouth, and he was not shocked to see blood on his palm. Hershel was standing above him, and fury emerged from him like poisonous fumes.

‘You think you’re going to Heaven, boy!? Blaming your sister for something that was not her fault, blaming her for _that_ animal’s actions!?’ Hershel spat and shouted at his youngest and last son, lying flat on his back as he stared at the man who helped bring him into the world.

Billy found that he welcomed Hershel towering above him in the way he was, embracing the shadows that fell upon him. _This is the real you._ He remembered all too well the arguments Hershel would have with Maggie and her teenage tearaway phase, the stern scolding’s he would give to Shawn, Arnold and himself over one thing or another. It was a side that Hershel hadn’t displayed much since the group arrived at his doorstep.

_Go on, fucker. Show them what you’re made of. I won’t look away from what you are._

Ever defiant to the end, Billy spat out blood. Hershel had hit him hard enough that Billy felt a gap between teeth as his tongue rolled in his mouth. He looked up at the man and said with utter loathing, ‘heaven isn’t real. Your God ain’t real, or Rachel and Susie would still be here.’

It was enough to push Hershel over the edge. Hershel went to hit him again as Billy expected, and despite his promise to himself Billy closed his eyes as he anticipated the blow.

It never came.

Billy looked up in confusion as Glenn and Patricia were currently holding Hershel back. Billy wiped more blood from his lip as Hershel continued to rant and scream at him. Beth sat on the bed, once again looking at a spot in the corner only she could see. He noticed the gun strapped in her holster.

 _I’ll need to get one for myself. End that fucker once and for all, because my dad sure as hell won’t do it._ Billy did not pay attention to Hershel’s rants. Years after growing up in a household with it, he did not particular care one way or another.

‘Enough, Hershel,’ Glenn was saying. ‘Stop it,’ Patricia cried. ‘You don’t want to do this, Hershel. Not to your own son.’

‘He’s no son of mine,’ Hershel said. And in that moment he crumbled against Glenn’s support, crying his heart out to the young man who had his daughter’s heart. ‘I just want my girls back. I just want to see them, one more time.’

Billy sat where he was, frozen as a statue. _He’s no son of mine._ The words were a heavier blow to him than any fistful of punches could hope to offer.

He noted with not much interest that Maggie had disappeared, at some point having quietly excused herself.

*****

‘Rick.’

Rick turned at the sound of her voice. Lori noted with alarm that he was paler than he had been only hours ago when she had seen him last. He had been hunched over the railings, looking down upon the floor of Cell Block C.

‘Dad,’ Carl said. He ran over to his father, letting go of her hand. Lori felt the tiniest simmer of resentment before she pushed it down. _There’s no room for that, Lori. He needed you today and that is more than enough after the months you’ve both been through._ When she looked at it rationally, she did not know who concerned her most on this awful day. Her estranged husband or her distant son.

Father and son hugged each other tightly. Lori watched, feeling like a stranger to her own family. At last they parted from one another.

‘You okay, son?’ Rick asked. ‘I know this must be rough on you. I’m sorry again, for taking your gun away from you.’

‘I’m fine,’ Carl said. He looked at Rick with a steady gaze, as if to prove himself that he was fine and not at all the concerned boy he had been only moments before.

‘It’s time for your bed, son. You’ve had a long day,’ Lori said. It had not been that long ago that Carl would have protested or given her a particular venomous look, but he only nodded at her words. Lori hoped that he would drift off to a blissful oblivion as he wandered over to the cell, hoped that he would have no dreams of Rachel and Susie and the implications of their deaths that he felt weighed down upon him.

 _It’s obvious he blames himself._ All day Lori had tried to keep the children occupied. The story had come out through fragment parts of Louis and Eliza’s conversation that their early departure from their group activity had caused Rachel and Susie to be left alone. Carl had been in his shell, not at all engaging in Lori’s assurances that none of them were at fault.

‘How is he, really?’ Rick asked once Carl was safely out of earshot.

Lori approached the railings herself, reminded of the moment they shared between them at the bridge. She looked down at the lower floor. The mourners had all left their cells to be outside in the fresh air, apart from Billy. If he was at all awake, there was a chance he could be eavesdropping.

‘Not good,’ Lori murmured. ‘I think he blames himself.’

Rick sighed and rubbed his eyes. The bags under his eyes were a sight to behold. ‘I figured.’

‘I think you’re blaming yourself too,’ Lori dared herself to be brave. She did not brush around the elephant in the room. She went directly to the centre of attack. ‘I don’t know why, Rick. You can’t blame yourself for everything that goes wrong.’

‘But I can,’ Rick gritted his teeth. The animosity between them had been melting but now it was back, as cold as ice. ‘I took Carl’s gun away from him today, thinking it was safe. How could I be so fucking stupid?’

‘Enough,’ Lori said. She did not flinch back from the tone of his voice, instead only looking at him directly in the eye. ‘You thought it was safe. We all did.’

‘And what did that cost Rachel and Susie?’ Rick asked. Lori grasped for words, but there was none to be had. ‘Exactly,’ Rick said as he went to lean over the railings again. ‘I know you never approved of him having a gun and wanted me to stop treating him like an adult, but it’s a mistake to do anything other than that. This world is too dangerous for that.’

‘I know,’ Lori said quietly. She hesitated for a moment. _Will he think I’m full of bullshit?_ ‘I think you were right for giving him the gun back.’

Rick looked at her again. ‘You think?’

Lori nodded. ‘We’ve spent all that time running from walkers, you forget what people can do.’ By instinct. Lori found herself patting her stomach, her pregnant belly out in display. _I’ll never forget what Shane turned out to be at least. None of us will._

Rick swallowed. ‘How are you?’ He indicated towards her stomach; the root of his question clear.

‘Fine,’ Lori lied. _I’m worried this baby is dead, rotting inside me. I haven’t felt him kick at all._

‘Good,’ Rick said. ‘That’s good. At least one thing is going right.’

‘Rick, I’ll say it again,’ Lori said. She held out her hand and clasped it onto Rick’s. He made to move but she held his hand firm, and he made no further resistance. ‘It’s not your fault those girls died. It really isn’t. If it weren’t for you, we wouldn’t have gotten as far as we have.’

Rick shook his head. ‘I don’t believe that.’

‘Why not?’ Lori found herself getting angry. ‘You’ve done so much for us. You led us through winter. You killed Dexter and Andrew to keep them from doing us harm. It was you who found this place. It’s always been you who got us out of the shit. I don’t know why you keep playing the martyr.’

‘Because I’m tired, Lori,’ Rick said. He said it not with the malice he displayed earlier, but rather genuine weariness. ‘I went to interrogate that Thomas fucker, and I couldn’t do it. I let Theodore beat him up and I didn’t even bother asking him any questions. I wanted to kill _all_ the prisoners, and I didn’t do it. If I had done that, and if I acted quicker with Morales; maybe the girls and Morales would still be alive. I’m just tired of always fucking up.’

‘You can’t predict the future, Rick,’ Lori said. No longer angry, she felt as tired as Rick looked. ‘None of us can. You can only do what you think is right.’

‘And that’s the problem,’ Rick said. ‘What is right in this world anymore?’

The couple retreated into a familiar silence. They had no more words left to say to one another, for Rick had posed a question that Lori did not know herself. _Did we even know before all of this?_ At times it made Lori laugh to realise it had been a year ago when she had contemplated on saving up money and taking up dieting for a new vintage dress, now she had went through a winter where every scrap of food meant the difference between life and death.

‘Come back to my cell, with Carl,’ Lori finally said. ‘We need to be there for him, tell him it’s not his fault.’

Rick seemed to hesitate, and Lori felt a flush of shame in her cheeks. _You’ve took it too far. Of course he wouldn’t say yes._

‘Sure,’ Rick surprised her in saying. ‘Let’s go.’ He held out his hand for her to take; and take it she did.

*

Maggie sniffed as she found herself in the washer room. She had wandered aimlessly in the prison walls, having no idea where she would end up. All she knew was that she had to get away from the scuffle that brewed up within her family.

_It’s the same as it’s always been. Nothing has changed._

Maggie sighed as she rubbed her eyes furiously. Blinking rapidly, she looked at the washing machines that would no longer be powered again. From time to time she would think of such objects that had been essential in a different time, now they were nothing more than dusty relics that belonged in an entirely different world.

_Why the fuck are you banging on about washing machines when the twins are dead? When your family needs you the most._

Maggie shook her head as she sat against the machine and burrowed her head in her hands, allowing herself to weep softly. Her family may have needed her, but she needed the time to herself just as much. She thought of the washing machines and for a mad moment wondered if they would have been able to wipe the red away from her mind if they worked.

_You’re definitely losing it._

Sighing, Maggie removed her hands and looked around the room. Clothes were scattered every which way, and the blood stained upon the floor would never be wiped away. There was a faint odor that hung in the air.

The door creaked open, and Maggie darted up in surprise. She saw with alarm that it was a prisoner wearing blue overalls, and she went for her gun before she realized it was only Axel.

‘I heard some crying, you okay?’ Axel asked. He had his hands in his pockets.

‘I’m fine,’ Maggie sniffed. Her voice betrayed her, but Maggie was not going to explain herself to the man before her. Her fingers which had been on her gun let go. ‘You not watching guard over, _him_?’

‘Rick and that Theodore or whatever his name is have got him covered,’ Axel explained. He walked over as Maggie pulled herself up from the floor, using her hands to support herself against the machine. ‘You need a hand?’

‘I’m fine,’ Maggie said through gritted teeth. _All I need is Glenn._ She regretted the argument she had with him before they discovered the twins. He had been her rock since the discovery, and had been there to piece her broken family together when it had shattered in the violent argument between her father and brother.

‘You sure?’ Axel asked.

‘I’m sure,’ Maggie said. She felt the tears on her face, but she made no move to acknowledge them. ‘I need to get back to my family, that is all.’

‘Here, I’ll walk you back,’ Axel said. He had taken the knife from his pocket. It was more of a butcher’s knife than a regular knife, and the steel was stained with brownish red.

_What?_

Before Maggie could register what Axel had in his hands, he swung the knife at her. It was by pure chance that Maggie instantly threw herself backward, the knife missing her face by inches. She banged against the machine with violent force, and a pain she had never felt before threw up her face.

Axel went to swing the knife at her again. Maggie quickly dived to her left, and she quickly scrambled for her gun strapped to her holster.

‘It was you,’ Maggie breathed as she ripped the gun from her strap. She quickly went to aim the gun and pull the trigger, but Axel was quicker. Like a giant he towered above her, and he kicked the gun away from her hand in an instant. The gun skidded across the floor and beneath one of the washing machines, out of sight and out of mind.

‘It was me,’ Axel confirmed. ‘None of you clicked on that I had went to get some tools for your fucking farming!’

Despite her terror, Maggie roared with a rage she did not know she was capable of. With no weapons in her hand, Maggie kicked at Axel. Her kick landed upon his groin. Axel grunted for only a second, but he was unphased by the attack. More giant than man, Maggie had never felt so small as his shadow enfolded her.

‘Your little sisters were all alone, sleeping away. How could I resist?’ Axel said as he rose his knife and swung. Maggie quickly dived to her right as the knife missed her by inches, hitting the floor. Maggie quickly scrambled towards Axel’s face with her fingers, scratching and clawing and shrieking as her rage and grief poured out of her in equal measure.

‘You little bitch! Stop it!’ Axel’s calm was replaced by a rage of her own. He fought her off with one fist and swinging the knife blindly with the other he struck lucky as he aimed at Maggie’s face.

For a moment there was pain, and only pain. Worse than the pain of being thrown against the washing machine. It was fiery hot pain, and Maggie’s world exploded. _I’m going to die._ Axel swung his knife again, but Maggie quickly darted backward. The blood that dripped from her face confirmed she had at the very least been hit, but her main concern was the hulking giant before her.

‘Come here, you little bitch!’ Axel went for her again. ‘Your sisters weren’t as much trouble as you were!’ Maggie threw herself to the right again, and Axel missed his target completely. He fell to the floor, his back a perfect target for her.

Maggie quickly ran over to the man, his back to her. It was suicidal, but Maggie only thought of Rachel and Susie in the library. ‘You fucking monster!’ Maggie screamed. So loud was she that she knew that every walker from miles away must have heard her. ‘They were just girls, you fucking bastard!’

Consumed by the fiery pain of her face and the red-hot tears streaming down her face, Maggie started to strangle Axel’s neck with just her bare hands. She knew it was futile, for compared to him she was nothing more than a kitchen mouse.

_Come on, Maggie! Fucking take him on, do something to bring him pain!_

Thinking of pain only made her think of the pain she was feeling now. So clear had Axel been a minute ago, now he was fading away from her vision entirely. It would not be long before she passed out into the world of oblivion. She would be able to confirm either her father or her brother’s beliefs in the existence of an afterlife, or the lack thereof.

_Make him feel what Rachel and Susie must have felt!_

Settling on the one image she could see clearly, Maggie reached out with her mouth and bit into Axel’s ear. Axel screamed, inhumane as the walkers in their snarls. Maggie bit into blood and skin before spitting the ear out.

‘I’ll gut you! You fucking bitch! I’ll gut you like your fucking sisters!’

Axel proved her point of being a kitchen mouse by swatting her away from him like he would a fly with a newspaper. Maggie found herself rolling on the floor as she scrambled to get on her feet, Axel a few feet behind her as he also rose up. One hand clutching onto his ear, the other hand still held onto the knife.

Maggie did not hesitate, she _ran_ for the open doors and into the darkened hallways. She heard Axel ranting and screaming, moaning in pain and raging in anger. Maggie heard her own panicked breaths as she turned around corners, expecting at any moment to be grabbed from behind.

_I need to get out of here. I need to get out of here!_

The darkness of the halls did not help with her fading vision. For a moment Maggie touched her face and could only feel blinding pain. Darkness turned into bright light at the touch, so Maggie let her hand go. Her hand was covered in blood, and she left her blood marked upon the walls as used them for support.

_Follow those arrows you made._

Maggie did as she thought, looking out for the arrows she had carved during the clear out. She heard footsteps behind her, and Maggie screamed despite herself.

‘I see you!’

Maggie sobbed in part terror, part relief as she saw one of the arrows. The darkness began to lighten the further she went, and she saw the familiar entrance to the guard cafeteria that led to Cell Block C.

_I can’t lead him to my family. I need to get outside to deal with him._

Maggie darted her head around just for a second as she continued to run. Axel emerged from the darkness like a fabled monster in a fairy tale, the big bad wolf. His ear was as bloody as her face must have looked, and he darted his knife at her.

‘I’m fucking going to gut you, you slut!’

Maggie turned her head around and sprinted to the doors leading out into the prison court. Crying, Maggie pushed open the doors and into the sunlight.

‘Help!’ Maggie screamed. _Glenn, where are you?_ ‘Help me, somebody help me!’

She ran out into the court. The intensity of what she had just been through to caught up with her. Panting for breath, Maggie continued to run into the court. With alarm she saw almost everybody outside in the fading sun. Glenn was with her family, all of them standing up in alarm at the sight of her.

‘Maggie!’

‘What the fuck?!’

‘I’ll gut you all!’

Maggie felt her ankle give, and she yelled in dismay as she collapsed against the concrete. She only turned around to see Axel from above, and she closed her eyes as Axel once again went to slash at her with his knife.

Nothing happened. Maggie opened her eyes, hardly daring to believe as Rick was now on top of Axel. Like Maggie, Rick could not compare to Axel in height or weight. But the pain had evidently gotten to Axel now, and he was down on the floor as Rick threw punch after punch on the convict’s face.

‘Maggie,’ somebody said from behind. Maggie yelped in terror as she felt arms sweep her up, but she heard soft shushing. ‘It’s only me,’ the voice said.

 _Glenn._ His arms felt strong and warm as she pressed herself against him, shivering in an intensity she had never possessed in her life as she watched Rick continued his beatdown. Billy, Lori and Carl were behind him, having emerged from the cell block.

‘It was you, wasn’t it!’ Rick was screaming. His anger was much like Maggie’s own when she had discovered the identity of her sister’s killers. ‘It was fucking you!’

‘Rick!’ Lori shouted. She marched forward, one hand on her belly. ‘Enough, you’re going to kill him!’

‘It’s what he deserves,’ Maggie firmly pushed Glenn away from her as she made to stand up. The world spun around her as she walked around Rick letting out his fury upon Axel. She grabbed onto Lori as she reached for Rick. ‘Let him.’

Lori stared at her, mute horror in her eyes. ‘Your face, Maggie.’

Maggie did not respond. She only turned around to see justice finally be delivered at last as Axel was left a pathetic, blubbering mess. Rick’s screams turned hoarse, and his fists no longer came out as rapid as they had been.

At last, it was over. Rick pushed himself from the ground. His hands were as bloody as her face must have been, as Axel’s almost certainly was.

 _I’m seeing the red again._ It was an irony that almost caused her to smile. Instead, she looked out for Glenn, for Hershel and for her remaining siblings. Most of them stared at her in equal measure of shock and concern. Only Beth had eyes for Axel on the ground.

_He’s dead. He won’t be getting out of this._

Oscar and Patricia were also there, as was Theodore and Carol and the kids. Every single living member of the prison barring Thomas stood in a circle around Axel, his breathing shallow as he spluttered out blood. Maggie saw that his teeth were missing. His shame was there to be seen by all. 

‘It’s over,’ Rick said. Maggie thought she saw a bit of white on his fist amongst the blood and thought it must have been a tooth caught in his skin.

Rapid gunfire caught them all by surprise. Maggie flinched as she reached out to Lori, the nearest person for comfort in the latest attack. It took her only moments to realize that it was not an attack, but an execution.

Beth towered over Axel like he had towered over Maggie and must have towered over Rachel and Susie, smoke emerging from her pistol. The bullets had put an end to his breathing once and for all.

‘Now I feel a little bit better,’ Beth said. She did not take her eyes away from Axel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, there's the chapter! Hope you all enjoyed. A lot of things ended up happening here that I did not plan at all. Like initially it was only Carol who was going to go trigger happy around Thomas, but it made sense that Patricia would be consumed by rage (she more or less knew those girls since they were born). Theodore was going to be composed when it came to Thomas, but his backstory with his murdered sister by criminals who were never caught wasn't going to let that happen. 
> 
> What I did plan on was Axel being the killer, as a (hopefully) nice twist to keep you all surprised. Axel was really the only friendly prisoner in the comics (Oscar was one in the show too). I made sure to note he was briefly absent in the previous chapter, whilst Thomas was completely gone. So of course Thomas, the killer in the comics, would be the obvious killer. 
> 
> And Maggie was originally going to shoot the killer down much like her comic character, but writing this down it just made sense to give Beth the kill considering she feels guilty about leaving Rachel and Susie on their own. A lot of my plans stay the same, but just as many end up changing as I write too. 
> 
> Hope you all enjoy! And I'm hoping for update rates to improve in the near future.


	25. Day 219-275

**Night 233**

‘Andrea.’

The words escaped from her lips before she could prevent them. It was as much as a cry for help as it was a weakness, but Michonne saw no other option. Buckets of beaded sweat dotted her forehead as she took in her surroundings, every second becoming more and more hazier at time passed.

‘Andrea.’

The name was more like a croak now. Michonne groaned inwardly, or so she thought until she realised that had also escaped from her mouth. A violent shiver tore through her, and she huddled onto her blanket. She had never felt so cold.

‘Andrea.’

_This is it. I’m going to die here. You’ve lasted this long, just to get killed by a fucking cold._

A blur appeared in front of her clouded vision. Michonne blinked, and the blur formed into a concerned Andrea hovering over her. A bottle of water clutched tight in her hand.

‘Mich,’ Andrea said. Her voice dripped with concern much like Michonne’s sweat. ‘You look awful.’

Michonne tried to laugh. Instead a violent cough escaped from her much like her groan, and rattled through her body much harder than the fever. ‘You should work… on your beside… manner.’

‘I should,’ Andrea said as she bent down to one knee, offering the bottle. ‘But I was never one for bullshit.’

‘You’ve… got that one… right,’ Michonne said. She did not remember taking the bottle from Andrea or opening the cap, but she gulped down the water greedily enough. It did very little to help her, and once again she was coughing violently.

‘Take it easy,’ Andrea said. ‘Don’t gulp it all down.’

‘I need to,’ Michonne said once the coughs stopped. ‘I’m going… to die… here.’

They were currently residing in the back of a butcher shop. **STUART’S DEER COOLER** said the sign that would have proudly showed off the shop, if it hadn’t been for the elements of the weather eroding away most of the sign. Andrea had found out the name through papers of stock delivered.

The stock in question were carcasses long since feasted upon by flies and maggots. The stink coming from the refrigerator was distant but none the less present for both women. They had little choice but to put up with it for the past couple of days, as Michonne’s unexpected cold had taken a turn for the worst.

_So unfair to die like this. So unfair._

‘You aren’t going to die,’ Andrea was saying now. Michonne looked at her, her vision spinning once more. ‘You’re not, Mich. We just need to get a move on.’

‘I thought… you weren’t one… for bullshit,’ Michonne spluttered out. She held up her hand to cover her mouth as she coughed once more. Andrea went to rub her back, but Michonne waved her off. ‘You’re… going to have to… leave me.’

Andrea shook her head vehemently, much as Michonne predicted she would have. ‘I’m not leaving you, Michonne. No way in hell.’

_Just leave, you stupid bitch._ Michonne looked up at Andrea. ‘I’m just dragging… you down.’

‘And you saved me all winter,’ Andrea said. Her concern gave away to anger. ‘I wouldn’t have gotten as far as I have if it hadn’t been for you. I’m _not_ going to leave you, Michonne. You hear me? So quit your martyr act.’

Michonne closed her eyes. She visualised the katana that was on the floor next to her, and by instinct she went out to reach and feel the metal. It did not offer her the usual comfort she had when she wielded the weapon, the source of her strength and bravery as she faced the monsters. Her katana could not cut through her fear of the cold plaguing her body.

_Oh god, this is my punishment._

Michonne opened her eyes, and saw Andrea was standing up.

‘What are you… doing?’

‘I’m going to try and find something to help you. Medicine or something. I’m not just going to sit here and watch you waste away,’ Andrea said.

Michonne shook her head as she huddled into her blanket, letting go of the katana. ‘You shouldn’t… come back.’ _I would deserve it. More than anything else that could happen, I would deserve that at least. Mike would agree._

‘Don’t be stupid,’ Andrea said. She went to move, but hesitated as she looked at Michonne. ‘I’ll be going out the front. They’ll see me no doubt, should lure them away from here at least.’

‘Taught you well,’ Michonne murmured. Her vision was starting to fade away into darkness, and Michonne leapt into the darkness enthusiastically. If for just a moment she could escape from her predicament, she would take it in open arms.

‘I should be back soon,’ she thought she heard Andrea say.

Michonne _dreamed._

*

Andrea bit her lip as Michonne drifted into an unconscious state. She had never seen her friend look as vulnerable as she did in that moment. The katana was only inches away from her, but nothing would be able to defend her if somebody just up and walked in.

_Should you really go? You’ll probably find nothing._

‘No,’ Andrea murmured to herself. She bent down to squeeze Michonne’s shoulder softly. Michonne murmured something in her sleep. Andrea bent her ear to hear the words.

‘Andre,’ Michonne whispered.

‘I’m here, Mich,’ Andrea blinked back tears. Her decision decided, Andrea pushed herself up from the floor. She gave one final look at Michonne, hoping against hope that the trip would be a successful one. _It has to be. You owe her one._

She marched out of the shop, taking no notice of the stench oozing from the freezer or the counters at front. The floors were grimy, and dust had gathered to show her footprints as she walked. This butcher shop would pass no safety regulations if such tests were still offered.

It was no place for her friend to die.

Taking a deep breath as her hand gripped the door handle, Andrea opened the door and shut it behind her. The windows and the glass door had been taped up with cardboard, an invention on her part to prevent the walkers from taking a chance look within the shop.

That did not stop those on the street looking up at the noise she made. Andrea immediately grabbed onto her knife in place of the gun strapped to her holster. It wouldn’t do to make noise in this area.

_You’ve got this, Andrea. You’ve got this._

The one nearest to her had been a man. He was missing his lower jaw, and his snarl was not as loud as it would have been as a result. He was a heavier man, and he lurched toward her. Andrea quickly dove to her right as the creature fell face down upon the pavement. She did not stop for a moment to extinguish his life for good by planting her knife into his head.

Removing the knife and wiping the splattered blood on her jeans, Andrea walked out in a brisk pace to the middle of the road. The ten walkers or so all had their eyes upon her. She was the centre of the play, and that is exactly what she wanted.

_C’mon you son of bitches. C’mon._

Andrea visualised Michonne huddled up behind the tattered blanket, and her need grew desperate. The big fat moon from above shone in its waxy light, illuminating them all by chance. It would have been better to leave by day, but she had no choice.

Michonne needed her.

‘Come on!’ Andrea found herself shouting. She turned around and ran, knowing that none of the walkers had their eyes set upon Stuart’s Deer Cooler.

**Day 274**

‘Taste this,’ Hershel handed her the tomato.

Patricia snatched the fruit away from him, before blushing as red as the tomato. ‘Sorry Hershel. It’s just, I haven’t had one of these in so long! Not from a tin anyway.’

Hershel chuckled. ‘Don’t worry about it. We all feel that way. Now go on and take a bite, I know you want to.’

_It’s good to see him laugh._

They were standing in the middle of the field, surrounded by the fruits that were finally blossoming from Hershel’s long and hard labour throughout the summer season. The sun once again shone down upon the grey and cold prison, but there was nothing grey or cold about the colourful farm Hershel had managed to create.

Patricia bit into the tomato. Her mouth exploded in juicy sensation; the taste of the tomato fresh as she had ever tasted. She let out an involuntary moan before she swallowed and took another bite. In moments the fruit was gone.

‘Well?’ Hershel asked. He leaned forward, and Patricia knew he was anxious to hear her response.

‘That was the fucking best tomato I’ve ever tasted,’ Patricia told him earnestly. _So much better than that tinned crap!_

‘Really?’ Hershel grinned even more, and his evident relief only spurred Patricia’s enthusiasm for the tomato she had just eaten.

‘Really,’ Patricia beamed back. ‘You really did great with this, Hershel. You should be proud. I know Otis would be.’

‘That means a lot, Pat,’ Hershel said. He waved his arm around to indicate the surrounding fields. Red mixed in with the freshly cut green, as well as the yellow corn. ‘I knew the corn was a success, but I was so worried about the tomatoes. I thought I might have mucked them up.’

‘You would never,’ Patricia said. ‘All those years we were at your farm, and we didn’t have one bad year.’

‘No we never,’ Hershel said. He put his hands in his pockets. ‘I wish Otis was with us. It really would have just been like old times if he had been.’

‘Me too,’ Patricia said. The mention of her husband still allowed a familiar string of hurt to flicker through her heart even after all that time, and she could not help but involuntary look at the cross for the father of the children she was helping raise. ‘He would have been so proud of you, Hershel.’

Hershel followed her gaze, and just like that the joyous mood was gone. Next to the grave of Morales was the shared grave of Rachel and Susie, both crosses a poignant reminder of the price they had to pay to keep the prison.

Their shared excitement for the gone, and the cold of the prison returned. Patricia found that the prison was always cold, and she knew it was a sentiment everybody else in the group shared. No matter how many blankets they huddled under or if the sun was shining with not a cloud in the sky, any warmth was fleeting and ready to be snatched away in a moment’s notice.

‘You seen Billy?’ Patricia asked. She had considered before going down to the field whether she should approach the subject, but with the mood gone there was nothing holding her back from provoking the bear so to speak.

Hershel shook his head. A frown, more like a scowl crossed his face. ‘I haven’t, no. Isn’t he cooped up in library again? Only the Lord knows what he is doing in there.’

_This needs to stop._

‘I don’t know,’ Patricia lied. She had seen Billy and he did indeed have his head buried in a book, which seemed to be the only thing he did these days. ‘But what I mean is have you spoken to him recently?’

‘Nope,’ Hershel said. Just like that, the subject was closed to him. He turned around to face a tomato in the ground. ‘I’ll need to be careful with these, I don’t want to ruin by rushing this process.’

‘It’ll be fine,’ Patricia said. _You stubborn, stubborn man!_ ‘You know you need to talk to him, right? He’s your son. You can’t keep avoiding him forever.’

‘Billy is welcome to come down here anytime he wants!’ Hershel snapped. He turned around to glower at her. ‘I am not the one who engaged in that silly nonsense in blaming Beth for what that _monster_ did to my girls. If he feels guilty for suggesting it, then that is his own fault. Nobody else’s. Are you done, Pat? Because I don’t feel like talking about my family when you’ve got your own to worry about now.’

Hershel was hurting, Patricia knew that more than anyone. She had seen him in his raw grief when his Josephine had been taken away from him, and then Annette and Shawn. The hits had just kept coming. Nevertheless, the words still stung.

‘Okay,’ Patricia said quietly. ‘I’ll go and tell the group that the tomatoes were a success.’

‘You do that,’ Hershel said. Once again, he turned his back to her, muttering something about the fruits of labour and ungrateful sons.

Patricia gave him a defeated look, before turning around and heading up the hill.

*

‘Really? That’s wonderful news.’

Lori found that she did not have to fake her smile as Patricia told her the news about Hershel’s tomato success. She was sitting on one of the benches at the open court alongside Carol, the parasol umbrella found on a random run covering them from the sun’s glare.

_At least everything else is working out._

‘I bet Hershel is pleased,’ Carol was saying now. ‘He really threw himself into it, didn’t he?’

‘He did,’ Patricia said. She said it with pride, but Lori could tell something was bothering her just underneath the surface. ‘Of course, we all chipped in when we could, but it was really his baby. From start to finish.’

‘You can’t deny him that,’ Lori said wisely. The other two women nodded. Lori found herself cradling her stomach as she always did, hoping for a kick she had not felt at all throughout her long and difficult pregnancy.

_You’re dead, aren’t you? There’s no other explanation. You’re dead and I’ve been carrying you all this time for no goddamn reason._

‘How are you, Lori?’ Patricia asked, changing the subject from farming to the latest topic the group would indulge in. ‘You must be due any day now.’

Lori felt tired. She felt sore and she felt like a whale. She felt like weeping for all of eternity, and once her tears dried up she felt like she could drift off into darkness, away from the troubles and horrors of the world that they were living in. Most of all, she felt terrified.

‘I’m fine,’ Lori said. ‘I actually should talk to Hershel about it, I’ve been meaning to for a while. You think he would be okay in seeing me?’

Patricia nodded. ‘Just don’t mention Billy. Whatever you do.’

‘I won’t,’ Lori said. She thought of the young teenager, more boy than man. The animosity between Greene father and son was clear to everybody and suffocated whoever was unfortunate to be in its presence. She could not help but feel a kindred spirit in the boy, remembering the harsh winter war between her and Rick.

_But things are good on that front. You two are talking again. Not arguing but talking. You don’t have to worry about that._

‘You know we’ve been preparing for this, Lori,’ Carol was saying now. She must have sensed the gloom and doom bubbling underneath Lori’s façade. ‘Hershel is teaching me a lot when he isn’t farming. We are ready for this. You don’t have to worry about anything.’

‘I know, Carol,’ Lori forced another smile as she patted the woman on her shoulder. It must have been her twentieth fake smile on that day alone. She had perfected the art. ‘I just want this baby out, the sooner the better.’

‘Too right,’ Patricia said. ‘It’ll be good to hold another baby, that is for sure.’

Lori left the two women and brushed off their offers to help her, insisting that she can walk perfectly fine on her own (‘I’m fine, really’). Lori was indeed fine walking down the court, but the reality of her body and how heavy she was now soon made her regret her choice as she walked down the field towards Hershel. Soon she was panting for breath.

She had never felt so unhealthy. _No wonder your baby is dead._

Off into the distance she saw the walkers crowding around the fence. There must have at least been fifty of them, all scattered in different angles of the fences as they clawed at the gates. For as much as the prison had transformed over the months with its colourful fields of fruit and the many objects they brought in from runs to make the prison look more friendly, the monsters outside were a constant reminder that they were only play pretending that everything was fine.

_We’re just biding our time until the next disaster happens. How many times do we have to go through this before we understand that?_

She pushed the gloom and doom at the back of her mind as she reached Hershel. Hershel went to support her, but she waved him off.

‘I’m fine, really.’

‘You should be resting,’ Hershel said sternly. Evidently, the Billy subject had put him into a foul mood as Patricia had predicted. ‘Not out here wandering on your own. Me or anybody else could have brought you a tomato to eat.’

‘This isn’t about the tomatoes,’ Lori said. She fidgeted with her hands, suddenly nervous as the gloom and doom once again became the forefront of her thoughts. _You have to tell him. You’ll go insane if you don’t._

Another voice, just as persuasive, rejected that notion. _You’ll just make it real if you speak the words._ But Hershel looked at her with concern now, and Lori let words slip that she never dared say out loud.

‘I think the baby is dead.’

There was a silence that followed. Lori expected the revelation of her fears to sink her down further into a pit of despair. If anything, she felt lighter than she had in months, no longer carrying the burden of an impossible secret.

_There. You’ve got it out. Now somebody else knows._

‘What makes you say this,’ Hershel said. He was no longer the patriarch of the Greene family or the farmer who had busied himself in the prison courts. He was her doctor now, the man who was preparing for her birth alongside Carol.

‘I haven’t felt the baby kick once,’ Lori said. The freedom of burden was not as it appeared only moments ago, as Hershel looked at her with eyes filled with concern. ‘Not once have I felt him. With Carl, he kicked all the time. Every baby kicks at least once, don’t they?’

Lori was alarmed to realise she was starting to cry. Rubbing her eyes furiously, she turned around to look at the surrounding fields. The first sight to catch her eye was one of the guard towers, the sun reflecting harshly from its roof.

_I know you shouldn’t have said anything. You should have kept it to yourself._

‘Lori, look at me,’ Hershel said.

Lori wanted to do nothing less. ‘Look at me,’ he repeated, his voice firmer but somehow just as gentle. With a heavy sigh, Lori turned around to face the man who had saved her son so long ago.

‘You haven’t felt the baby kick at all?’ Hershel asked.

Lori shook her head, not trusting herself to speak.

‘Not to be offensive, but you have still gained weight,’ Hershel said. ‘That is a good sign, Lori. The baby is fine. I know there is no real way of knowing now, but we at least know the baby is growing inside you. He or she would not do that if they were dead.’

‘It’s not just that,’ Lori whispered. ‘What if he’s turned and he’ll just try to rip his way out of me?’ She immediately put a hand to her mouth, as if shocked she had revealed one of her fears that had kept her tossing and turning in the middle of the night.

‘I don’t think it works like that,’ Hershel said. His voice was smooth as butter, and Lori wanted to believe him. ‘From what we know, those walkers don’t age once they turn. Once they are dead, they are dead. That’s it for them. But I would not worry about this Lori, not when you are so close to giving birth. There could be a whole lot of reasons for this.’

‘Like what?’ Lori asked. She realised she must have sounded as desperate as a thirsty man who was close to water, but she had only eyes and ears for Hershel.

‘You’re stressed, terrified like the rest of us,’ Hershel said patiently. He put a hand on her shoulder and squeezed gently. ‘You went through winter living on scraps. All of us did. You’ve never had a proper rest until just recently. There is nothing normal about your pregnancy, Lori. But every pregnancy is different in any case. There is no need to panic over this.’

Unconvinced but daring to believe, Lori found herself nodding. ‘I guess you’re right.’

‘I know I am right,’ Hershel said. He gave her a small smile, and she smiled back.

‘Thanks Hershel,’ Lori said. ‘I needed that.’

‘It’s no problem,’ Hershel said. ‘Is there anything else you need?’

_Is there?_ Lori thought of Rick, and the mutual ground they had been meeting in the last couple of months. There was not a single argument between the pair of them as they often talked about their and the children’s future.

_No. That chapter of our life is done. We might not ever get back together, but at least we aren’t at war with one another. That is the last thing Carl needs, never mind this baby if he is alive._

Lori shook her head, but she recalled the words Patricia had said to her. Hershel seemed to retreating back into the farmer, looking his plotted land and burying his head in the fields to forget all about his shattered family.

‘Is there something I can do for you?’ Lori asked.

Hershel looked up, blinking. ‘Excuse me?’

Lori felt the heat of her cheeks, but she continued. ‘I know things haven’t been easy between you and Billy. I was just wondering if you needed help, in anyway. You’ve done so much for me, Hershel, I just want-.’

She was cut off as Hershel raised his hand to motion for her to be quiet. ‘I appreciate your concern, Lori. But respectfully, it’s none of your business.’

Lori felt the shame of being cut off, and for having intruded in the first place. She knew she would have been mortified if Hershel or somebody else had tried to interfere with her marriage. _I just know how lonely it can be Hershel._

‘Is there anything else, to do with _you_?’ Hershel asked.

Lori shook her head. ‘There isn’t.’

Hershel bent down to one knee and pulled out a tomato from its root. ‘Take this and have a bite, now. You need to eat.’

*

Glenn softened his grip on the steering wheel as they passed by the all too familiar **INMATES** sign. The butterflies in his stomach relaxed and slowly stopped their fluttering, knowing they were nearly at home now.

Next to him was Maggie, her face out of the window. Their trip had not been as successful as they had hope. It had dampened Maggie’s spirits as much as it did his as they scavenged the area, but they had little to shoe upon their return.

‘There is still those other spots Lori wanted us to check out,’ Glenn said now. He indicated the map that had been penned by Lori, each mark an indicator of nurseries and baby shops. ‘We haven’t gone through them all yet.’

‘No, we haven’t,’ Maggie only agreed with him, her heart not at all in the conversation. She continued to look out the window, not at all at the man besides her. Glenn knew she was concentrating on her reflection, on the wicked scar that had near enough carved her face in half.

_That fucking bastard. I wish I had been the one to kill him._

Glenn saw with mild alarm that his soft grip had tightened on the wheel, and he relaxed his fingers slightly.

‘Well, at least we didn’t come back completely empty handed,’ Glenn said. He heard how forced his tone of enthusiasm was and could not help but cringe, thinking back to the times as a young boy trying to please an overly strict grandmother. ‘The baby will have a crib now. And that picture will go well up in the guard tower, won’t it?’

‘That thing is not going up in the guard tower,’ Maggie turned around to look at him. Glenn had to hide his grin, having counted upon getting some sort of reaction from her. ‘I’m being serious, Glenn.’

‘Why not?’ Glenn asked. Looking at the mirror, he could see the work of art he had collected from an art décor store stored at the backseat. The canvas of an old woman stared back at him evenly with a gaze that seemed to pierce through his soul.

Glenn had liked it immediately, although he did not quite know why at first. Maggie had naturally hated it. _It’s because she reminds you of Holly. That’s what it was. She has kind eyes, not at all like your gran._

Glenn listened in as Maggie went in on her tirade against the painting, about how the artist obviously had no idea what he was thinking as he painted the monstrosity that was very much going to be hanging on the wall in their tower, but he was reflecting on the woman who had helped him so long ago in Atlanta.

‘It’s just hideous, Glenn,’ Maggie said.

‘Well, one woman’s trash is another man’s treasure,’ Glenn said evenly. He tried to hide his smile, but it broke free upon Maggie’s baffled look at him as if to say, ‘ _has this man lost his mind?’_ It was worth it however, for she no longer kept looking in the mirror to stare at the scar that seemed would forever be an angry red, a painful reminder of what she had endured.

_I probably have lost my mind. Especially with what I’m about to ask Hershel._

The butterflies returned as the prison loomed ahead on sight, and Glenn knew the cause. He tried not to think about it, but he knew it was always going to be a difficult burden to weigh on his mind.

He just hoped he did not bottle it.

*

‘You sure you were okay with this, Patricia?’

‘Rick, it’s fine,’ Patricia said. She had come to collect Louis and Eliza from the armoury, where they had been getting taught shooting lessons by Rick and Theodore. The targeted figure for practice had multiple holes throughout, a much improved upon result than the previous lesson. ‘They’re going to need to learn to defend themselves after…’

Patricia trailed off, and Rick only nodded his head out of his respect. Currently Louis and Eliza were chatting away with Carl as Theodore was gathering the guns and bullets away, ready to lock most of them back in the cages from which they came.

_No need to bring up fresh wounds. It hasn’t been that long ago since it happened._

‘I just appreciate you showing them. You and Theodore both,’ Patricia gave the latter a small smile as he approached to join them. ‘I don’t know if I could have done it myself. It’s not easy shooting a gun, I couldn’t imagine having to teach others.’

‘It’s not,’ Theodore admitted. ‘Rick here is the expert, remember that he taught all of us what to do back in the farm.’

Rick shook his head. ‘I’ve got the advantage in being house trained before all of this. Had to get my badge and all. All of you have gotten the same training I got really, just no license to show for it.’

They settled into small talk. Rick found it strange that they had the time to do so, having been so used on focusing on day-to-day survival. _Are we really talking about how amazing Hershel’s tomatoes are and how we might have enough gas to get the generator up and running to watch a movie?_ It all seemed surreal to Rick, and he wondered when the last time was he had a proper break to be able to enjoy such trivialities.

Their spell of conversing was over at once as the children approached. Rick noticed at once that Carl was at the back, holding firmly onto his hat. It was hard to forget that Carl was only a boy when he saw him shoot at his target figures. _My boy is a natural._ It frightened him and made him proud in equal measure.

But the simple act of his son fiddling with his hat was enough to bring Rick back down to reality. _He’s only eight, after all. And even if he has to carry a gun around, he’s getting his chance to live more normal if even I’m feeling it._

‘Are we ready to go now, Pat?’ Eliza asked. More dominant than her slightly older brother, Rick noticed that she often took the lead and how often she would boss Louis around. ‘I want to eat a tomato.’

‘Me too,’ Louis said. ‘I’m sick of that crappy porridge.’

Carl made a face. ‘I like that porridge.’

‘You would.’

The children begin to argue amongst themselves, but Patricia was too quick for them. ‘Kids, be quiet or you won’t get anything. Is it okay to take Carl?’ She directed the question at Rick.

Rick nodded. He trusted Patricia, and the armoury was not far away from the field. If trouble erupted, he would not be far. ‘Yeah, go on ahead. We’ll catch up in a minute or two when we’ve got this place locked down tight.’

Patricia led the children out like a shepherd leading her flock, and Rick watched Carl go wistfully. He had his gun strapped to his holster, as he had given him permission to do. Not for the first time, he wondered if he was doing the right thing.

‘You’ve got that look again,’ Theodore was saying as he went to one of the cabinets to shut it properly.

‘What look?’ Rick asked.

‘ _The_ look. That look you get when there is something bothering you. You’re so easy to read, Grimes. It’s not even fun anymore.’

‘Oh, get off,’ Rick shook his head. Despite himself he grinned. _I guess I am beginning to be like a broken record._

‘So what is it this time, Lori?’ Theodore asked.

_Lori._ Just the sound of her name was enough for Rick to feel butterflies flutter in his stomach; butterflies he had long since discarded as the years dawned upon the young couple who had once been so caught up in the honeymoon phase.

‘No, it’s not Lori,’ Rick said as he put his hands in his pocket. He did not know if that was a lie, but he knew it was not the full measure of the truth. ‘It’s Carl.’

‘Oh,’ Theodore said simply. He looked at Rick, his gaze giving him full attention. ‘What about him?’

‘I’m worried,’ Rick confessed. ‘I know we haven’t talked much about Axel and the girls, and I’m sorry for bringing it up now.’ He could not help but notice the flinch that seemed to take Theodore by storm, and he knew in that both men were not just thinking about Axel and the girls.

_Thomas and Oscar._ The revelation of Axel had been enough for Oscar to decide to pack his bags, taking Thomas with him. Their presence hadn’t been around long enough for anybody to miss, but Rick knew that Oscar’s last words hung to them around both himself and Theodore like a shadow, his parting gift for the group.

_‘You people are a plague,’ Oscar had said. He held onto his duffel, in which not little content had been stored inside. Thomas was by his side, nursing an injury and trying to muffle his whimpers. ‘You sick bastards beat Thomas up, and for what?’ He had stared Theodore with daggers, before shaking his head in disgust. ‘Do what you like with the place. I won’t be surprised if all of you start turning on and killing each other though, the way you turned on us.’_

‘You think he carries guilt?’ Theodore asked now, chasing away the vivid memories in Rick’s head.

Rick nodded. ‘But it’s hard to tell with him, really. He always bottles himself up. Everything that he’s done, he refuses to talk to me or show a bit of feeling. I know it’s killing him thinking that he is at fault for their deaths.’

‘But he’s not at fault,’ Theodore was quick to respond. ‘Him nor Beth. Billy is fucking out of his mind, blaming her like that. If it was me and my sister, my mama would have battered my arse.’

‘You and me both,’ Rick agreed. ‘But you know what kids are like. Fuck, you know what I’m like.’ Rick ruffled his hair as he let out a shaky laugh. ‘I just worry about the boy, Theodore. I can’t help it. I don’t know what I’m doing with him. It was hard enough in normal times.’

‘Look, Rick,’ Theodore leaned his back against the counter. ‘From what I’ve seen, you are doing your best. All of us can see that.’

_Except from one._ It had not escaped Rick’s attention that Carol was not on board with the decisions he had made, and the looks that she would give him that wouldn’t be out of place in a wounded animal with hate as a defiant act. Rick wondered if she would be surprised that he actually agreed with her.

‘I wouldn’t say that,’ Rick said.

Theodore rolled his eyes. ‘I knew you would say some shit like that. Regardless, it doesn’t matter. Carl is doing fine, just as fine as Louis and Eliza even. And they have lost both their parents. They’ve only got Patricia now, and neither she nor them knew one another a year ago.’

‘Are you sure?’ Rick asked. ‘I don’t think I’ve ever saw them together beyond these lessons, the kids that is. The whole reason they weren’t in the library was because they fell out’

‘Well, that was true out on the road. I think Morales had a part to play in that. But I have seen them talking, Rick. They are kids, the only ones in the group. Whatever arguments they may have had, they have made up in no time at all. All I see in Carl is a normal boy trying to be normal, just like the rest of us really. You have nothing to worry about.’

‘I hope you’re right,’ Rick said. He _got_ what Theodore was saying, and he grabbed onto it like a sinking man would grab onto wreckage to keep afloat. But in his mind’s eye, all he could see was a field where his once brother in all but blood had been left to rot, and a young boy with a smoking gun who had just taken his first kill.

_There is nothing normal about taking your first kill at only eight years of age. Nothing normal at all._

‘Are you done, now?’ Theodore asked. ‘I want to enjoy some of the sun before it’s gone. And maybe you can be with Lori. Carol told me she is due any day now.’

‘She is,’ Rick said. The eventuality of Lori’s baby being born brought both fear and hope in equal measure. Hope that life would find a way, it always did during a disaster that seemed so tremendously powerful that nobody could foresee a way to overcome it. A baby would be living proof that they would one day overcome the monsters beyond their fences.

Fear, for the baby would also be living proof of the union between Lori and Shane. And Rick did not know if the progress he and Lori had been making would collapse like a house of cards for the truth would be looking at him through the eyes.

**Night 233**

Andrea slammed the door with her weight, creating as much noise as she could make. A bell pinged which was even better, and the groan of the dead that greeted her confirmed she had attracted their attention.

_Good._

Andrea did not waste a second. One foot in front of the other, Andrea paced to her left as she saw the walker in front slowly but surely turned around to look at the door. The door would be the only thing he did see, for Andrea was now at the other side of the shop. As the walker made its way towards the door, searching for the source of the noise, that source was now behind him as she reached out with her knife and thrust it into its head.

The walker went down like a burst balloon, its undead life deflating in a manner of seconds. Andrea thrust the knife out with force, and blood showered upon both the body and her hands. Andrea shook her head and sighed as she wiped her hands with her knees, already covered in grime and dirt.

_You need to quit wasting time. Michonne needs you now more than ever._

With the urgency of her task in her foremind, Andrea turned around to examine the contents of the shop. It had been an convenience store once, the open glass window allowing passer-by’s like herself to look out for content from the street. It also allowed for her to notice that the shop still had a customer.

But the shop itself was little of content. All of the shelves had been ransacked, there was no content to match the prices. With a mounting frustration, Andrea kicked hard at a discarded basket. The basket flew across the ground, empty in weight with nothing inside to show for it.

It had been the sixth building Andrea had been through that night. She had hoped she would find something, anything to help with the sickness Michonne was battling through. With each building she searched, that hope was becoming less and less she would find anything of use.

_I would take paracetamol if I could get my hands on it. Surely there has to be something like that around._

Andrea did not bother checking every crook and cranny of the main section of the store, instead going behind the counter. The drawers were tightly locked shut, a keyhole in the middle mocking her efforts. Andrea gritted her teeth as she bent to her knees, looking within the small cupboards and finding nothing but junk that served nobody any use.

‘Fuck!’ Andrea snarled. She covered her face with her hands, resisting the urge to sob. Michonne needed her, and she had failed in the most disastrously fashion possible.

_If the shoe had been on the other foot, she would have saved you with not a problem at all. She’s been saving your arse all winter, and this is the best you can do for her? Pathetic, Andrea. Just pathetic._

Pushing herself from the floor, Andrea turned around to see a door. Not expecting the door to open, Andrea reached out with her hand. To her surprise, the door clicked as the handle received her with no complaints unlike the drawers.

The door led to a small office, but that was all Andrea dared to know. The filing cabinets and computer on top of the desk all bore witness to the shambling corpses within, six of them there must have been. Each had their back towards her as they had left behind a skeleton on the floor, the only remnants of something living for the skeleton was the tattered clothes and the blood-stained carpet.

And something small gleaming and silver sat beside the bones. Even in the faded darkness of the room, Andrea could see the key.

Andrea hesitated. _It might not even be the key to the drawer._ She knew it was just as likely it could have been key to the door itself, if not a car or the shop’s entrance.

Whatever the case, Andrea knew time was precious before one of the walkers happened to look upon her and the game would be up. It surprised her that they had not heard the commotion in the other room to have pounced upon her the moment she opened the door. _I don’t want to waste the bullets, we have so little as it is._

Six walkers were not a problem by themselves if they weren’t so spread out. Together and in a small space like this, Andrea knew it was invitation for certain death.

_Michonne needs you. That’s what matters most. You owe it to her to check this out._

Making up her mind, Andrea crept toward the key. She did not dare take her eyes away from the walkers as she bent down slowly, one hand lifting towards the key. From the corner of her eye the skeleton’s skull grinned at her, mocking her every move.

Snatching the key from the floor with a triumph, Andrea paused to take consideration of her situation. _One wrong move, and this can be all over._ Sweating with an intensity that could have rivalled the heat of Michonne, Andrea went to creep backwards.

A _creak_ of the floorboards was all it took. With alarm Andrea quickly sprinted out the door, not daring to grace the walkers with a glance as they turned their heads around, their hungry moans escaping from their mouths with the promise of food not far away from them.

_Fucking stupid! Fucking stupid!_

Andrea slammed the door to the office behind her. With key in hand, she quickened to the drawers, praying against everything she held near and dear to her heart that the key would fit in the slot perfectly and would not slip away from her sweaty palms. In a motion that seemed to last a lifetime, Andrea pressed the key into the slot and heard a satisfying click.

‘Yes!’ Andrea yelled out in joy. Andrea grabbed the handle and pulled the drawer out, and with rising glee saw that she had hit the jackpot. Packets upon packets of all sorts of pills greeted her, and even though she knew just as many would be as useless to Michonne as it would be to her, she snatched them all up eagerly and threw them into the bag that she had carried over her shoulder.

The door behind her gave a shuddering sigh as the bodies of the dead crashed against it, and Andrea quickly turned her head around in alarm. Cursing, Andrea turned around to scoop up what she could into the bag. It would only be a matter of moments before the door fully gave in, and the dead would pour out like a flood as they always tended to do.

_Fuck it, le-_

She could not finish her thought. As she predicted, the door came crashing down as did six bodies. They moaned and clamoured for her with their arms and their mouths, snarling teeth biting at invisible air in anticipation of sinking them into her flesh.

Andrea let out a curse as she quickly dove around the counter, holding onto her bag with dear life with one hand. Another hand reached out for her gun, not her knife. As little as she wanted to waste the bullets, she knew this was a situation that called for it.

_I just hope this is worth it._

Andrea ran as the walkers got up from the floor, making careful note to step aside from the walker she had dispatched earlier on. Hands reaching out to press against the door to her freedom, Andrea fled the shop as quickly as she had come in.

Only to see a man standing in front of her, jaw dropping as he registered that she was indeed not a walker. Andrea raised her gun to shoot by instinct, her mind not registering what her eyes were telling her.

_One of the walkers, one of the fucking walkers!_

‘Hey!’ The man shouted. He was panicked, his voice told her that much if not his face. He held his hands up in the air. ‘Don’t shoot.’

‘Get down!’ Andrea cried. The man did as he was told, and Andrea pulled the trigger. Her bullet hit the walker that had been about to pounce upon the man, and his head exploded and disappeared in a mist of blood and guts.

The door behind her shook with sudden force. The six walkers had made their way to the entrance. Andrea did not know if the shop door would be as flimsy as the office door had been, but she did not want to stick around and find out.

‘Come on!’ Andrea shouted. She ran out to the street, noticing with increasing alarm that the entire street was coming to life with monsters stepping from the darkest of shadows. In a matter of minutes, Andrea knew they would be overwhelmed with the dead. All that mattered was getting out of harm’s way and getting the pills to Michonne.

‘No!’ The man grabbed onto her bag, forcing her to a stop as she turned around to glare at him, ready to fight for the bag if she must. Any trace of panic in the man’s voice had gone now, authority carried his words. ‘I’ve hotwired a car. There!’

Andrea saw the car, and she nodded. Andrea and the man raced to the car as the walkers started to wander over. She could not count how many they were, nor did she attempt to. She only had eyes for the car door, and she found herself squeezing into the passenger’s seat as the man took the driver’s, and before she knew it they were off and into further darkness.

Andrea breathed, lost for words. Momentarily she thought of her trip to Wiltshire Estates with Shane, all those months ago and the similarities between that trip and this.

_Only difference is I didn’t want to shoot if I didn’t have to, not at all!_ Andrea fought the urge to giggle. She wondered what had become of Shane, and the rest of the group.

_Best not to dwell on that. If any of them are left, I doubt they are thinking of me._

It was a sobering thought. Turning around to face the man besides her, Andrea took in his appearance. He was muscular and black skinned, wearing clothes that seemed too big for him. That had been the way of it however, it was difficult to find clothes that fit herself in her scavenging runs.

‘What’s your name?’ Andrea asked. She clutched onto her bag with a tight grip, as if the act of letting go would cause it to disappear.

‘Oscar,’ Oscar told her as he kept his hand on the wheel. ‘Yours?’

Andrea told him. They sat in silence for a minute or so, driving down the highway and away from the town. Andrea noted with relief that they were heading down the same direction as where she had left Michonne, and in her mind visualised Stuart’s Deer Cooler.

‘Thanks for saving me,’ Oscar said. ‘With that shot, I mean. I thought I was a goner. There was more than what I thought there was.’

‘It’s no problem,’ Andrea answered. ‘You saved me with this car, so I guess we are even.’

Oscar did not look at her, but even in the dark she could see his smile all the same. ‘I guess we are.’

_Should I tell him about Michonne? What will Michonne say if I bring him to her?_

Andrea bit her lip and thought long and hard about it, knowing exactly how Michonne would react. Once again, she also thought about her experiences with Shane’s group, the all too real danger that Dave and Tony had pressed in the bar and their desire to know where exactly she, Rick and Hershel had come from. It struck her as peculiar that she would think about the group twice in one night.

_You ended up having to kill somebody that night. Jimmy was his name. And Randall, you saw what the fucker did to Dale. This Oscar could have a group just like that._

But Andrea remembered all too well how Michonne appeared to her before she had left, huddled behind blankets and her life sweating away by the bucket load. She had been hot to touch, fire seemed to consume her entire being.

She stared at the man before her, and despite the warning signs she decided to take a leap of faith.

‘I’ve got this friend. She is really sick. It’s why I was out there, looking for medicine for her. Can you take me to her?’

_You stupid idiot! This is only going to cause trouble for you. You and Michonne did just fine on your own, you don’t need to be adding another party. You don’t know his intentions._

Andrea tried to drown out the noise by focusing solely on Oscar, awaiting his reaction with bated breath. The man was hard to read, that much was obvious. He kept his grip on the wheel, not taking his eyes away from the oncoming road. It occurred to her then that this was the first living being she had met that year who was not Michonne.

‘I’ll take you to her,’ Oscar finally replied.

Andrea let out a sigh she did not know she was holding in.

*

Michonne awoke with a gasp, hearing but not seeing the shaped figures in front of her. They were a blur in her hazy vision. The fires that darted their tongues of flame across the tents had been much clearer in her dream, as had the needle that ended everything.

_Oh Mike, you destroyed it all._

‘Michonne, you’re awake!’ A voice rang loud in Michonne’s ears. Michonne groaned and went to cover her ears with her hands, and she blinked rapidly as Andrea became clearer in her vision.

‘I’m alive,’ Michonne muttered. Shivering, Michonne went to push herself up from the floor to face Andrea. ‘You came… back?’

‘Of course, I did, I said I would,’ Andrea said. She paused then, biting her lip. Michonne knew she only did that when she was hesitant to discuss a topic, and as such narrowed her eyes. Despite the cold that had taken away all her senses and nearly her life, Michonne was not going to let up in her observations.

Which was why from the corner of her eye she saw the man, standing on the floor not far away from them. Making care as to not draw attention to the fact she was aware of his presence, she concentrated solely on Andrea.

_You silly woman! What are you thinking?_

‘What is it?’ Michonne asked instead, knowing perfectly well. She made no indications that she was at all alarmed. Her blanket covering her body perfectly well, Michonne reached out with fingers to clasp around the handle of her katana. Her fingers tightened on the handle.

‘I got you your medicine,’ Andrea started. ‘And this man saved me.’

It was what she needed to hear. Despite the heat, despite the exhaustion and despite the fear that a little breeze of wind would be enough to knock her down on her feet for good, Michonne pushed herself up. The blanket fluttered to the ground as she aimed her sword at the man who saved Andrea, who took only a step backward.

‘Who are you?!’ Michonne asked. She attempted to sound menacing, but a violent cough emerged from her then. It was enough for her to lower the katana, however briefly. The man remained where he was.

‘I’m Oscar,’ he replied evenly. ‘Your friend needed my help, after she helped me. It looks like you are needing some help yourself.’

Michonne shook her head, denying what eyes could see as reality. ‘I don’t need anybody’s help, least of all yours,’ she spat on the floor. The man said he was Oscar, but all she saw was Mike.

_This is crazy, Michonne. What are you doing?_

Andrea said as much. ‘Michonne, this man saved me. I don’t think he means any harm. I had doubts myself, bu-.’

‘Enough,’ Michonne said. Her attempts at a shout could be best described as pitiful. Still her grip on her katana held, and even though she would have loved nothing more than to sit back down and cuddle up into her blanket, she did not let go of her aim at the man before her. ‘You should never have brought… him here.’

‘I can go,’ Oscar said. ‘I’ve had enough of people acting as if they weren’t brought up decent just because of this outbreak.’

‘Oscar,’ Andrea said in a pleading tone that Michonne hated. _Why is she wanting him to stay? Isn’t it enough that it’s just the two of us? The two of us have made it this far alone, we never needed anybody else._

She knew that if it had only been her and Andre, the pair of them would still be intact as a unit at this very moment.

‘No, I know when I’m not wanted Andrea,’ Oscar replied. He shot Michonne a look that she would best describe as calculating. Michonne found the urge to drop the katana, but still she held on with dear life. If it was the last thing she would do, then so be it. ‘Good luck.’

‘Oscar,’ Andrea protested as Oscar turned his back to the katana and left the shop. Just as quick as he came into their lives, now just as quick he was gone.

‘Let him go,’ Michonne said as she let go of her katana. The weapon clattered onto the floor, and Michonne groaned at the vibrations it made. _Knew I should never have fallen asleep. Can’t trust anybody but myself. You should have known that after the camp._

Andrea rounded upon her now, her eyes blazing. ‘Why do you have to act so tough all of the time?! Why don’t you want him to stay?! That was the first person we’ve seen all year!’

‘Because I don’t trust him,’ Michonne coughed into her blanket. Her back ached with fire. ‘How many times… has my instincts saved us?’

‘I don’t care,’ Andrea was unmoved by her plight. ‘I didn’t trust him either at first, but he took me here. He saved me from getting mauled by a bunch of walkers, while I was getting you medicine. It’s in the bag, by the way. I’m going to get him.’

Andrea turned around, and it took what little energy Michonne had left to protest. ‘Don’t go, Andrea!’

Andrea stopped at the counter. Her back to Michonne, she remained where she stood as she spoke. ‘Why not, Michonne. I’ve tried and I’ve tried, but I can’t get through to you. You won’t tell me anything about yourself. I hate to leave you like this, but you don’t give me a reason for why we should even stick together. You chased away somebody who could really help us out.’

Michonne sat unmoved, but she felt the stirrings of fear flutter in her stomach. _This isn’t how I wanted this._ It had to be the fever talking, she decided then. If the outcome shaped up the way she was predicting, she would do fine on her own.

_Will you?_ It was Mike’s voice that spoke to her then, hateful in its familiarity. It was the last thing she wanted to hear. _You fine being alone, with nothing but the monsters and me for company?_

Andrea turned to face her. Michonne saw with alarm that her eyes gleamed with tears. ‘I can’t do it anymore, Michonne. I owe you my life, but there must be more than this. We can’t just keep walking day in, day out with nothing to show for it. Why shouldn’t I leave? The way you go on, I don’t think you want us to move on from this mindset.’

Michonne rubbed her head. The fever was making her blink rapidly again, Andrea once again becoming a blur. The memories however were only becoming clearer, and Michonne resisted the urge to scream at the possibility of reliving them. Night after night, when she could sleep with what little hours she could get, was the worst for it.

‘Mich, I won’t leave,’ Andrea was saying now. She sat by her side now, and Michonne blinked in confusion. _When did she get here?_ ‘Not in the state you’re in. I owe you that much. But once you’re better, I’m going.’

‘Don’t go,’ Michonne whispered. She was as quiet as a mouse, and she hated how pitiful she sounded. _Stupid woman, afraid of imaginary voices in your head._

‘I don’t want to,’ Andrea said. ‘But I don’t see what other choice I have.’

Michonne closed her eyes. She could have left it there, let Andrea give her the medicine and doze off to a sleep filled with burning tents and needles as destructive as any walker bite could be. All in the hopes of a mindless oblivion, where she did not have to share a single thought.

‘I’m like this because I’m afraid,’ Michonne said. She spoke through the fever, not looking at Andrea at all. Instead, she only had eyes for a stain on the floor. ‘Afraid of going back to where I was before I met you.’

‘Back where?’ Andrea asked. Michonne could hear her confusion, but she knew she was listening intently. There was still some hope at least.

_If she doesn’t see me as a monster._

Michonne turned to face Andrea. ‘Remember those walkers I had; the ones that helped us blend in the woods?’

Andrea nodded. ‘I remember.’

‘One of them was Mike. He was my boyfriend. He was the father of our son, Andre.’ Michonne let out a shaky cough, the realisation of what she had just done hitting her like a ton of bricks. _You’ve said his name. You’ve made him real again._

Andrea’s face melted from worry to sympathy, exactly what Michonne dreaded to see most of all. But to her credit, she did not say anything else. She only waited to hear what she had to say.

‘We were stationed at a FEMA camp, on the outskirts of Atlanta,’ Michonne shook as she pictured the camp, the sight of rows of tents and the scents of musk and campfire coming back to her as if she had never left. ‘It was chaos in those first few days, I’m sure you remember.’

Michonne swallowed. _Should I tell her the full truth._ She knew what Andrea would say if she did, and looking into her eyes, Michonne decided against it.

_Tell her only what is necessary. She’ll never understand._

‘You don’t have to tell me,’ all of Andrea’s intensity seemed to disappear in a flash. ‘I’m sorry for pushing you, Mich. Really, if it-.’

‘No,’ Michonne cut her friend off. _For that is what she is, if I’m going to have to tell her this. A friend. But not all of it. Never all of it._ ‘I need to tell you this, Andrea. It’s the only way you’ll understand why I am the way I am.’

Uncertainly reigned in Andrea’s eyes, but she nodded for her to continue.

‘I went out on a run,’ Michonne said. _I went to find my daughters._ ‘Things were desperate, people were getting scared after the city got bombed.’ _They were in the thick of it all._ ‘I found this sword; this katana and I was just getting back from the run when I saw the camp in flames.’

Even now she could still smell the smoke, remember the panic that seized her by the heart. ‘I ran,’ Michonne’s voice cracked and now she turned away, once again looking at the stain on the floor. ‘Into the camp, I mean. I had to find Mike and Andre, get them both out. I never should have left.’ _You knew they were never going to be there, why did you fucking do it?_

‘I found them,’ her voice was a whisper, a firecracker in the middle of silence.

‘Oh, Mich. I’m so sorry,’ Andrea said. She reached out to cuddle her, but Michonne gently but firmly shook her advances off.

‘That isn’t all,’ Michonne said. The fever was working its way through her, there was no other explanation as to why she was baring her soul out. _You’ve already made Andre real. Don’t make this real, too._

‘What is it?’ Andrea asked. She never took her eyes from Michonne. She reminded Michonne of a lioness looking out for her cubs.

‘I found Mike and Terry, _stoned_ ,’ she spat the word out with vicious venom. ‘They were so out of it; they didn’t even notice Andre was getting eaten right in front of them.’

The silence hung over them so that they could have heard a pin drop. Michonne pushed back tears and shivered; the enormity of her words crashing over both herself and Andrea.

_You should never have left. Stupid, so fucking stupid!_

‘Michonne,’ Andrea started to say. She did not continue, and Michonne could not blame her. _What could be said?_

‘I’ll always remember his screams,’ Michonne whispered. She heard his scream then, as if he were right next to her ears. ‘I’ve never heard anything like it.’ She tried to visualize the boy he had been, the little boy who would paint giraffes on his canvases and play tag with his friends ( _sisters_ ) and fill the room with his joy. ‘I don’t want to hear anything like it again.’

She only saw the stain on the floor.

‘I’m so sorry,’ Andrea said. ‘I should never have pushed you for…’

‘Don’t worry about it,’ Michonne said. ‘You could never have known.’

Michonne shook, with the fever or the relief of having spoken her boy into existence she did not know. She reached out to grab onto Andrea’s hand for support and shivered slightly at the touch. Her palm was warm, but it was a comforting warm to the hellish fire she was enduring.

‘You saw what happened to Mike and Terry,’ Michonne said. ‘I had my katana in my hand, and I just snapped Andrea. It was like I wasn’t in control of myself.’ She closed her eyes, took a deep breath.

_You could have stopped. You should have stopped._

‘You killed them,’ Andrea said. It was not a question but a statement of fact, and Michonne nodded.

‘I hacked off their hands, their arms,’ Michonne said. ‘I didn’t know you could turn just by dying at this point. I was crazy, in a rage. I don’t know how they became so docile, but I kept them with me after I realized, they kept the walkers away. They did not deserve a merciful end. My Andre didn’t get one, they weren’t going to get one. They got what was coming to them.’

Michonne shuddered then, and she did not know if it was from the fever or from the relief of telling the truth.

‘I understand,’ Andrea said. ‘I’ve told you before, but when I saw Dale’s killer in the woods I just went at him. Even though he was a walker, I couldn’t stop myself.’

Michonne nodded. ‘It’s like you’re not yourself, not at all.’ She wondered if she could tell Andrea about hearing Mike speak to her, but one look at the woman before her changed her mind.

_You’ve told her enough about yourself tonight. She might understand about Mike and Terry, but she wouldn’t understand about the voices. She wouldn’t understand about your daughters._

‘I should have a look at the medicine,’ Andrea was saying now. Michonne did not know how long they had been sitting there huddled next to one another but judging by the small gaps between the cardboard plastered upon the windows light was gathering in place of the dark. ‘We really need you to get better.’

Michonne nodded dully as Andrea rummaged through her bag. As Andrea picked up a bottle of pills, Michonne thought of Oscar.

‘Please don’t bring him back,’ Michonne whispered. ‘I can’t trust anyone but myself, and you Andrea. Men are capable of anything. Please don’t bring him back. I wouldn’t be able to stand it.’

Andrea turned around, bottle of pills in one hand and eyes full of concern for her. For a moment Michonne was worried she would protest and state her intention of leaving. _It’s what you would deserve, after everything it would be your karma._

‘Okay,’ Andrea said.

Michonne let out a sigh of relief she did not know she had been holding.

**Day 274**

‘Hey Billy.’

Billy darted his eyes up from the book he had been reading to as Glenn approached him, startled out of his wits. He had not heard the door open or Glenn’s footsteps on the floor. They were the only people in the room.

_I wonder if Rachel and Susie heard that sick fuck before he caught them._

‘Hey, Glenn,’ Billy tried to sound enthused and failed to succeed. He put the book to the side, not bothering to mark his space. ‘I didn’t hear you there.’

‘I noticed,’ Glenn gave a small smile as he sat opposite from him. Billy looked at the man curiously. He was not that much older than Billy himself, give or take five years or so. The twins frequented his dreams now, their screams for help his alarm clock into bring him into the realm of the conscious. But he still dreamed of the supermarket, and their narrow brush with death was forever in contrast with their full encounter.

‘What brings you here?’ Billy asked, trying to sound bored. He did not know if he succeeded. Glenn being there was enough to change his routine of burying his nose in the books, reading every word in desperation to live the fictional lives the tales told and forget about his existence in the real world.

‘To talk to you about your family,’ Glenn said.

Billy scoffed, already one foot swinging from the chair as he went to stand up. ‘I’ve got nothing to say, Glenn. Maggie hasn’t fallen out with me, but my da won’t talk to me.’

‘It’s not about Hershel,’ Glenn said. ‘It’s about Beth.’

Billy paused in his moments, swallowing words of speech that he made about his father a million times and over. _I’ve got nothing to say about Beth, either._ The pair of them had went out of their way to avoid each other’s paths as they went about their business in the prison.

‘What you’re doing is hurting her,’ Glenn said. ‘Maggie hasn’t fallen out with you about your dad, she knows that he can be tough at times. But your sister, man. She hasn’t done anything to you. Don’t you think she feels guilty enough about the shit that happened without you blaming her for what happened here.’

Billy averted his eyes, the shame of Glenn’s words hitting him like a slap. ‘She doesn’t want to talk to me, not after what I said to her.’

‘Does she?’ Glenn asked. He sighed before he stepped up to walk to Billy and grip him on the shoulder. ‘Billy, look at me.’

Billy blinked and looked up. _I should have went somewhere else, man. Get the fuck out to the admin’s offices or something._

‘Talk to her,’ Glenn said. ‘She needs her big brother to support her, to love her. You can’t shut yourself in here of all places, Billy. It’s not healthy. You need to get out, get some air. Come on with me, come on.’

Billy felt the overwhelming urge to cry and allowed himself to be supported by Glenn to get up from the table. The walls around them were scribbled with all sorts of colourful drawings, from dragons and unicorns to fruits and houses and bridges.

And on one corner of the room, Billy had seen two sets of names scribbled repeatedly to form multiple circles intertwined with one another.

_Rachel and Susie._ In gold the names were. Their handwriting, their signature.

‘I don’t blame her,’ Billy murmured. He wiped away tears that fell, looking away from Glenn so he could not see his shame.

‘I know you don’t,’ Glenn said gently. ‘But you need to tell her that.’

‘I know,’ Billy said shakily. He looked at the library and resisted a shiver that overwhelmed him suddenly. _Why am I in this room?_ The carpets had been baptised with the blood of his sisters, and the faded stains could not escape the gaze of even the most casual observer.

They left the library, Glenn softly closing the door behind them. As they went to walk down the hallway, Billy stopped and swallowed. Glenn turned to look at him, eyes narrowing in confusion.

‘What is it Billy?’

Billy fiddled with his thumbs. ‘Do you still think about the supermarket, about those people?’

Glenn only stared, and Billy felt shame flood through him once again. _I know I should have never said anything. So stupid._ It was washed out with relief when Glenn finally answered, his expression unreadable.

‘Everyday.’

Billy nodded. ‘Me too.’

They walked in silence the rest of the journey, Billy not speaking until they parted ways. He went to a cell that had a blanket pinned to the entrance of the door, so it hid its owner from sight.

Billy stared as the blanket stared back right in front of him. It was as if the fabric was mocking for his very presence being there. Clearing his throat and shaking away the ridiculous notion, Billy called out. ‘Beth, are you in there?’

There was only silence. Billy rubbed the back of his neck, wincing out of embarrassment as the silence stretched on. _Of course, she doesn’t want to talk you, after what you said to her?_

‘Come in.’

Billy gulped and pulled the blanket away as he stepped into the cell. Beth was sitting up from her bed, and Billy noted she had her diary next to her. She had been fond of it during their journey throughout the winter, it was never far from her possession. He did not imagine there were many pages left to fill.

_Come on, Billy. Spit it out._

Beth only looked at him, and that is all it took. Eyes gleaming with tears, Billy let them fall. ‘I’m so sorry, Beth,’ he choked out. ‘I should never have…’

His words drowned out by his own sobs; Billy cried the hardest he had ever cried in his life. The tears came thick and fast, and it was only a moment before he saw a blur of moment and felt comforting hands wrapped around him.

‘I know,’ Beth whispered into his ear. ‘I know.’

The two of them hugged onto one another for dear life, lost in grief and comfort.

**Night 274**

‘Glenn.’

Glenn turned around, his eyes widening in slight surprise. ‘Hershel! I was just going to see you actually, what a coincidence.’

‘What a coincidence indeed,’ Hershel smiled as he clutched his bible to his chest tightly. The night had set, and he had planned on retiring to his bed, but seeing the young man before him he knew he had more deeds to do before he would put the day behind him.

_It’s the least I can do._

‘What were you wanting to see me about?’ Hershel asked. He wondered if it was regarding the very same subject he was meaning to approach him about.

‘You tell me first,’ Glenn said. ‘Trust me, it’s best you tell me first.’

Hershel raised an eyebrow, and he felt the familiar strains of worry over his children. _Is it Maggie, is she hurt in some way?_ But Glenn looked calm, almost giddy in fact. It would not have been the case if his daughter was in any sort of danger, or any members of the group in fact.

_That is just what kind of man Glenn is. It’s a shame that I haven’t gotten to know him sooner than before._

‘Well, I want to thank you for talking some sense into Billy,’ Hershel said. Now it was Glenn’s turn to arch his eyebrow as he looked quizzically at him.

‘What do you mean?’

Hershel shook his head. ‘You don’t need to play pretend with me, young man. I know you talked Billy into sense about his sister. I may not talk to him anymore, but I do notice everything that goes on with my children. And I heard you talked to him before he apologised. So, with everything I cherish, I thank you Glenn. Thank you for repairing what little is left of my family.’

Glenn blushed tomato red, but Hershel stared at him expectantly. ‘It’s nothing, Hershel. Really. And I had nothing to do with it. Billy had to apologise himself, not me.’

‘He did,’ Hershel agreed. The concern he felt only moments ago was now replaced by guilt. _Now only if he would talk to me._ He did not expect it however, not at any moment soon. He had feared he caused a rift between them, the same sort of rift that drove Maggie out of the house to a college education.

_This isn’t the first time you’ve had to deal with heartache, old man. You will get over this. By the power and love of God, you all will._

He thought of the children he lost however, and the missed chances. Not for the first time a silent voice in his head raised the possibility of him making the first move to make amends, for as long as Billy was in this earth there was no guarantee he wouldn’t be taken away from him.

_Like my Rachel and my Susie, like my Lacey and Arnold and Shawn. Like my dear Annette, and my sweet Josephine._

‘You okay, Hershel?’ Glenn asked in concern.

‘I’m fine, son,’ Hershel said. He brushed away the heartbreak. ‘You were saying you were looking for me?’

‘Yes,’ Glenn stuttered before he reached into his pockets. Hershel watched in curiosity as the young man muttered under his breath, fumbling away into his pockets before bringing out a small ring with a blue diamond on top.

_He’s asking for my blessing._

The heartache and grief that was as familiar to him as drink had been back in the day disappeared in a second, replaced with an overwhelming joy that Hershel had not felt in years. He could only stare at the ring, almost missing Glenn’s next words.

‘I know it’s not modern and whatever, but this isn’t normal times,’ Glenn said. He was turning redder by the second. Hershel had never seen such a redder shade. But with his next words he carried a conviction only someone could speak. ‘But I would like to ask you for your blessing to marry Maggie, sir. It would honour me if you would accept me into your family.’

‘Of course,’ Hershel spoke at once, almost choking on the words. The dull and dreary prison corridors suddenly seemed brighter and more vibrant than before. ‘Of course, son. You’re more than a blessing for this family, you don’t need to ask me at all. When are you asking her?’

Hershel thought of the small bundle of joy Josephine had held in her hands the first day she had been brought into the world, sound asleep and unscarred by the sins of mankind. He blinked back tears as he thought of her now, scarred by a blade of a madman and unaware of what Glenn was about to ask her.

‘Tonight,’ Glenn said. He sounded relieved that he had said yes, which Hershel thought was a silly notion. _Not like I could ever tell that girl what she could and couldn’t do, much less something as big as marriage._ ‘I’m telling her tonight.’

‘Good,’ Hershel said. ‘Good,’ he repeated before patting Glenn on the shoulder. ‘I needed this news, son. Thank you so much.’

Glenn beamed, before nodding and turning around to head away. Before he could fade away into the shadows of the prison, Hershel stopped him with a word. ‘Wait.’

Glenn turned around as Hershel fumbled in his pocket, unintentionally mimicking the young man as he had searched for the engagement ring. Hershel felt his fingers clasp against the metal chain, and he pulled out his pocket watch.

_Passed down throughout the centuries. Now here I go passing it to my son-in-law. Oh Jo, if only you were to here to see this._

He handed the watch to Glenn. The pocket watch had never felt lighter in his hands, and that made Hershel sure in his belief that he was making the right choice.

‘This was my father’s,’ Hershel said. ‘And his father before his. I made the very foolish mistake of pawning it off to fund my drink, back when I did drink.’ The shame of the act still haunted him as he thought of it. ‘Josephine, Maggie’s mother, God bless her soul, got it back for me. She gave it to me the day Maggie was born. That was the day I gave up the drink for good.’

Glenn held the watch in wonder.

‘No man is good enough for another man’s daughter,’ Hershel said. ‘Until one is. I should have seen that with Lacey, but it was with Maggie I made that promise to never drink again. You deserve this Glenn, you’re more a man at your age than I ever was.’

Glenn blinked back tears and seemed to be at loss for words. ‘I don’t know what to say,’ he finally said.

‘You ask, “will you marry me?”’ Hershel said wisely.

Both men laughed, and Hershel drank in the laughter as he would have a bottle of spirits all those years ago.

*

Maggie stood over the mattress on the floor, hands on her hips as she examined the room. The hideous painting that Glenn insisted on keeping was laid against the wall, just below the window that looked out to the fields.

_I’ll need to talk him into getting rid of that thing._

Shaking her head, Maggie walked over to the desk and sat down to face the mirror. She could not help but trace her scar lightly with her finger, a sharp line that cut across her face diagonally. Any deeper and her face would have been torn in half, of that she had no doubt.

_You’re so ugly now. So ugly._

Maggie sighed and rubbed her eyes, turning the mirror around so she no longer had to look at her reflection. She could hear the crickets chirping outside, even as high up as the tower she had taken residence in they could be heard. They were always the nosiest at night.

A knock on the hatch on the floor disturbed her from her thoughts. She turned her face around to see Glenn poking his head through.

‘Mind if I come in?’

Maggie rolled her eyes in good nature. ‘It’s your room too, you know. You don’t need to ask me for permission.’

‘I know. But you never know,’ Glenn winked at her before he pulled himself up and shut the hatch behind him. He walked over to her as she went up to embrace him, the couple kissing one another and embracing their intimacy.

‘How are things down there?’ Maggie asked after they broke their kiss off, steering Glenn to the mattress. _We really need a couch up here. Maybe get Theodore and Billy to help carry it up._

‘They’re good,’ Glenn said. They settled into comfortable silence, the only disturbance being the crickets. Maggie leaned her head against his shoulder, shutting her eyes tightly and visualising being in her farm and not an old guard tower in a prison.

_The old you would have loved living in a tower that touched the clouds. You would never have thought about the farm in a million years._

‘Billy has started talking to Beth again,’ Glenn said.

Maggie opened her eyes and murmured in surprise. ‘Really?’

‘Really,’ Glenn confirmed. ‘They eat together at the cafeteria. Everybody saw them.’

‘It’s about time Billy got his shit together,’ Maggie said. She gave Glenn a suspicious look. _He definitely had something to do with this._ Judging by the way Glenn squirmed under her gaze, she knew she was right.

‘You had a word lately to Billy?’

Glenn shook his head, innocent as pie in that moment. ‘No. I think he just felt really bad about it, you know?’

Maggie resisted the urge to roll her eyes again. She thought about pursuing the topic, about pressing him for details. _There is obviously more to it than this._

Instead, she only said, ‘I love you.’

Glenn smiled. ‘That reminds me. Come here,’ he got up from the mattress and held out his hand for her to take, which she did gladly. He led her out through the door and into the open air, where they walked over to the railings to look over the field.

They could not see much in the way of the darkness, but Maggie had seen the field enough times to visualise it despite that. The crops that her daddy was growing, the fences that kept the dead out, the little lake which they had submerged themselves into in their desperate attempt to get inside the prison. She saw it all as if it were daylight.

_I’m glad we have a view, at least._

‘Why you taking me out here?’ Maggie asked. She looked at Glenn curiously.

Glenn shrugged. ‘It’s a nice night. And feel that? It’s not even cold for once like it always is.’

Maggie felt with a start that he was right. ‘It really isn’t,’ Maggie murmured. She grabbed onto the railings with both hands. ‘I think this is the first time since we got here that I haven’t been freezing my tits off.’

Glenn laughed lightly and went to join her over the railings. Maggie once again leaned her head against his shoulder. _I wish Rachel and Susie were here to enjoy the warmth. Arnold, Lacey and Shawn too. And my mom and even Annette._

Maggie sighed softly, wondering if she would ever move on from the ghosts of her family.

‘Remember you telling me about Amicalola Falls?’ Glenn asked.

Maggie turned her head upward, remembering. She was transported away from the prison almost immediately, instead she was on top of the world as she shrieked in laughter as a little girl, on top of her daddy’s shoulders as they were on top of the tallest waterfall in Georgia.

‘I remember,’ Maggie said. She smiled at the memory. _Probably my happiest memory by far._ It had been after Josephine’s death and before Annette had come into their lives. Maggie had never felt a high quite like it.

‘You told me you were flying,’ Glenn said. He held onto Maggie firmly before lowering down to one knee, and Maggie gasped as she saw him bring out a ring from his pocket.

‘It’s not quite Amicalola Falls, but it’s the best I can do,’ Glenn smiled sheepishly. ‘I was going to do it in the day, but I couldn’t wait. Will you marry me?’

Maggie felt the tears glisten in her eyes. _Is this really happening?_

‘Yes,’ she said. Her answer escaped from her without prompt. ‘Yes, of course I will marry you!’

Glenn let out a laugh that sounded to her like one borne out of relief, as if he had been worried, she would say no. She let out her own shriek of laughter at the thought and pulled Glenn up with her hands.

Once again, they kissed, and Maggie escaped into a colourful picture of their future together. For once she did not think about the scar that marked the price for her survival.

**Day 275**

The man held in a breath as the monster in front of him wandered aimlessly, seemingly not noticing him hiding in the bushes. It must have been at least five minutes before the creature wandered off out of sight, and he let out his breath.

_Dangerous. Too dangerous._

Shaking his head, he emerged from the bushes in a crawl that could be best described as a crab walk. He kept his eyes pinned to the building in front of him. Clutched onto his hand was a small rabbit foot. No other walkers were there in front of his one and only entrance for the first time in days.

The fences that kept prisoners in had held secure throughout the rest of the building. It was a different story from the back. The fence had been forced to the grass by the rubble that laid out to the elements still, bricks and shattered glass scattered throughout.

Axel had gone on about it long enough. The boiler that had exploded had taken part of the building with it, creating a large enough hole for anybody to step in if they so wished. It explained the walkers’ presences in the tombs.

This part of the building was still standing, surprisingly. It had not completely collapsed inward of itself. It was lucky for him it hadn’t, and unlucky for the group it hadn’t. It surprised the man that the group had not done anything about it. _Lazy bastards, that’s all they are._ He shook his head in disgust, before he dropped the rabbit foot on the ground.

He heard a snarl, and the man turned around to see the same walker from earlier. Only this time he had been joined by two fellow companions that he had seen even earlier. He had dropped enough breadcrumbs much like the rabbit foot to create a trail, and he smirked to see it was working.

Thomas took a step forward as he passed over the bricks and rubble, with a determination that would have surprised even him that had been locked up in a cafeteria with Dexter and Andrew.

_You’re all getting yours. Every last one of you._

He wondered what Oscar would have thought about his plan, before dismissing the thought with easy abandon. Oscar had disappointed him in the end up, the man who had perhaps been the only person in his whole life to have stood up for him had wanted nothing to do with him when it was clear Thomas had no interest in helping him find his wife.

_Doesn’t get he get it? Everybody out there is dead. Only people living are in here, and they don’t deserve it._

No, Thomas decided. The group didn’t deserve to stay there at all.

It was his prison, and he was taking it back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, this chapter turned out longer than I had planned. It's the longest chapter I have written for the story. Despite that however it's a relatively breather chapter, a chance for the characters to actually experience a bit of calamity after everything. Although obviously the ending threatens all of that. So I hope you all like that! 
> 
> Oscar and Thomas leaving the prison was NOT part of my plan at all, but with the way things ended last chapter I felt it was only natural for them to do so. You wouldn't stay there with a group of people who accused you and battered you, even with the way the things were. And I wanted the time skip, because I felt the group didn't settle down there long enough in the show to fight for it as hard as they did with their early losses in the show. I wanted to make it feel more like a home that is worth fighting for and possibly dying for. So I had to compromise. 
> 
> We've found out more about Michonne's backstory, but obviously there is more to it! And I changed her to be the sick one instead of Andrea, so it doesn't feel like it's always Michonne who is saving Andrea. There needs to be equality in their friendship. 
> 
> Also Andrea running into Oscar the way she did was inspired by the opening scene in Resident Evil 2 (the video game) where Leon (or Claire, depending on who you play) runs out of the store and runs into Claire (or Leon, depending on who you play) and they shoot the walker that is just behind them. That was a fun nod I felt. 
> 
> Also this is chapter 25, a big milestone for me. I want to thank everybody who has read the story so far and has trusted me enough to stick with it, I really appreciate it :)


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